New York City underworld figures and other criminals have been devising clever tactics to circumvent the recently enacted New York ‘Soda Law’, according to anonymous sources.
The new law expressly prohibits movie theaters, snack bars, fast food joints and other eating establishments from selling soft drinks in excess of 16oz. However, the new law has not discouraged some New Yorkers from enjoying their huge beverages.
“Just last night I sneaked a 32oz cup into a movie theater in my jacket”, said a NYC resident who asked to remain anonymous. “Then I bought two 16oz drinks from the snack bar. After I got back to my seat I put it all in the one cup!”
Movie theater owner Jim Pilkington said that any movie patron caught bringing their own cups into the theater with the intention of committing such a crime would be evicted from the theater and police would be notified.
NYC Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said he is assigning a special task force, tentatively titled the “Soda Police”, to reign in scofflaws and criminals who promote or violate breaking the new law.
“Oversized sodas are a big problem in NYC”, Kelly stated. “Last night some of my officers intercepted an out of state tractor trailer loaded to the brim with 32 and 64oz ‘Big Gulp’ cups destined for Manhattan. Keep in mind, if you are caught with oversize cups we will find you and we will arrest you! That driver and the distributor will be facing some heavy fines and jail time!”
Kelly pointed out that the penalty for a first offense for guzzling an oversize soda is usually a verbal reprimand and/or a fine of $100. Second offenses can result in fines of $200 and/or 6 weeks in jail.
“And if you are a habitual offender it becomes a felony and you could be looking at anywhere from three years to ten”, Kelly continued.
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomburg said “this new law will help reduce obesity, reduce tooth decay and raise a shitload of money for New York City!”
on 
You can’t take away my Dew, man. I need my Dew!
So, if in NYC you can buy a cold six-pack of sugary Coca-Cola and drink three or four cans it’s OK….But a Big Gulp is plenty trouble!
I recall the days of my youth when we could drink all the soda we wanted and never got fat!
Really?? This seems like one of the most useless laws ever..
WTF?? quotes like this blow my mind
“Keep in mind, if you are caught with oversize cups we will find you and we will arrest you”
or
“Just last night I sneaked a 32oz cup into a movie theater in my jacket”, said a NYC resident who asked to remain anonymous. “Then I bought two 16oz drinks from the snack bar. After I got back to my seat I put it all in the one cup!”
Wouldn’t the simple fact that you can buy TWO 16 oz. drinks at once make this law pretty much NULL??
I can’t tell the difference between satire and reality anymore.
Satire is usually funny whereas reality sucks.
I just don’t get it. People are living in the streets. Gas is at an all time high. Drugs are everywhere. People fight with each other and unsuspecting victims just so they can post it on youtube. People are just disgusting with each other and all the city of New York can think about spending hard earned tax dollars on is enforcing a size limit on a perfectly legal beverage? What in the hell is wrong with politicians?
I find this so freaking hard to belive lol, Soda police! Sounds liek a waste of tax dollars to me, thanks Obama’s
If you love your high taxes now New York…. just imagine what they’re gonna be when you have to pay for all the new prisons will want when Adolf Bloomberg starts jailing people for just being fat asses. Talk about needing to do a reality check. This is what your liberalism gets you idiots….
Enjoy.
Oh Justin, bless your heart, you wonderful, simple idiot.
ayfkm?!?!?!?!? in the land of the free? unbelievable!