Archive | Science & Technologizzy
Posted on 23 August 2010. Tags: Beidou, geo-caching, GLONASS, GPS, IRNSS, Mecca, moslems, prayer
JAKARTA Indonesia (GlossyNews) — At the insistence of Muslim holy leaders in the Saudi Arabian city of Mecca, an incredibly accurate new GPS tracking system will be installed to thwart anti-Islamic hackers who have recently been caught attempting to alter GPS signals to divert prayers meant to be recited directly towards Mecca. Continue Reading
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Religionism
Posted on 19 August 2010. Tags: barack obama, classified documents, intelligence leaks, Lilith tour, Mythbusters, pentagon papers, Robert Gibbs, Tracy Chapman
ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) — In his harshest stance yet, President Barack Obama has demanded flailing petroleum giant BP establish yet another $20B set-aside to address more leak damage. At issue is the recent Wiki-leaks release of 91,000 classified documents, considered highly toxic by most defense analysts.
Said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs, “This thing undeniably looks like BP. It’s of unprecedented proportions, politically inconvenient, and clean-up will be a nightmare. So who do you think did it? A leak of these dimensions can only mean BP has failed to follow adequate safety procedures, yet again.”
Though in a leadership transition, BP was quick to respond on this latest disaster. Continue Reading
Posted in Environment, World News
Posted on 18 August 2010. Tags: addict, addiction, computer addicts, Internets Tubes, self control, social media, twitter, withdrawl
RESTSTOP, Info Superhighway (GlossyNews) — A group of Facebook addiction survivors was found floating in cyberspace last night, clinging to the remnants of a past life spent ogling other people’s lives from the comfort of their home or office. The tattered and torn pride of Linda Deetle, Marvin Locke, Jennifer Pezel and four others, who pulled the plug on Facebook within the last week, was evident when Tawdry Soup caught up with the trio.
“I was lonely,” cried Deetle, a 47 year old widow, Continue Reading
Posted in Internets Tubes, Science & Technologizzy
Posted on 16 August 2010. Tags: ban, gay, gay marriage, glbt, homophobia, minority, mormons, proposition 8
HUNTINGTON BEACH, California (GLossyNews) — A California scientist has come up with a novel idea: He has learned to harness the hatred of millions of bigoted Californians to create energy and make minorities rich in the process. Doctor Eli Lafitte, a graduate of Grambling State University, and later of UC Berkeley, says he, “has long known about the energy that permeates a room when an African-American or gay person walks in. It is known as hate by gay people and racism by African-Americans. You can definitely feel it and it makes your hair stand on end, just like static electricity. Continue Reading
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Strange People
Posted on 13 August 2010. Tags: armageddon, Friday the 13th, mars, Perseid meteor shower, rush limbaugh, sarah palin, saturn, venus
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister event will be happening in the skies that night—a triple conjunction with the moon lining up with Venus, Mars and Saturn all in close proximity that night. Also known as the “smiley face” effect, the occurrence is rare but has always been associated with significant happenings in history. Continue Reading
Posted in Science & Technologizzy
Posted on 10 August 2010. Tags: apple, Boeing, drone phone, drone planes, hot dog, iPhone 4
CUPERTINO, California – (Glossy News) Already iPhone 4 owners are being pulled over by the thousands and ticketed for using their new multi-tasking phones while driving, an illegal act in most states. Iphone 4 owners are complaining to Apple that they are finding it necessary to buy two, sometimes three replacement iphone 4’s due to having them confiscated by police officers. They are crying out to Apple to do something about it. Continue Reading
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Science & Technologizzy
Posted on 09 August 2010. Tags: Baby boomer, Golden Retriever, Kurosawa, Pretenders, remote control, veterinarian
Rashomon Technologies today announced that it is discontinuing field trials for “Good-Dog” due to the technology’s stunningly successful performance. The product’s target launch date is late 2011, contingent on royalty and licensing agreements with US veterinarians. RT CEO Kazuo Kurosawa acted as ringmaster in the multi-media presentation of a consumer product that industry insiders believe will out sell the iPhone. Continue Reading
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Science & Technologizzy
Posted on 06 August 2010. Tags: Environment, food, Health, Natural Disasters, Oil Spills, small towns, tragedy
GETTYSBURG, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — The latest in a series of disasters has humbled a small town in Northeastern, PA. Naticoke, Pennsylvania, which was well known in the their region for being a major coal mining town in the 1930’s, was sent into a state of shock and panic this weekend. What was recently the scene of village-wide celebration in honor of the grand opening of a new Applebee’s restaurant has turned into a nightmare for many of the town’s four thousand plus citizens. Continue Reading
Posted in Environment, Human Interest, Society
Posted on 05 August 2010. Tags: astronomy, death, destruction, predictions, Science, solar flare, solar storm, technical difficulties
From Astronomy Daily:
While NASA was trying to get our attention by telling us a Solar Tsunami is nothing to worry about and would only be responsible for bringing the Aurora Borealis further south for viewing, the very fact that the term tsunami was being used should have tipped us off that this was no ordinary magnetic field headed our way. We saw the effects of the tsunami that hit Indonesia and it was not all pink and green ribbons of light. It was death and destruction. If you’re going to use a word like tsunami, you better be ready to back it up with facts, which NASA unfortunately could not. Continue Reading
Posted in Human Interest, Science
Posted on 30 July 2010. Tags: Alfred Hitchcock, avatar, james cameron, nobel prize, physics, Roman Polanski
HOLLYWOODLAND, West Coast (GlossyNews) — Self-crowned ‘King of Directors’ James Cameron today announced a project expected to establish a new standard in cinema. Speaking from Malibu’s exclusive ‘Pssst, You can smoke in here’ Bistro, the mega-hit crafter was upbeat, while still maintaining his signature condescending tone. Continue Reading
Posted in Entertainment, Science
Posted on 28 July 2010. Tags: area 51, cattle mutilations, crop circles, Curie, Einstein, ET, Newton, ufo
ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) –
The Intergalactic Play Nice Force has decided to abandon Earth operations, so said District Superintendent Greg Gort today.
“The IPNF really has no interest here anymore. It’s a wind-down, could take three Earth years at the outside. Bureaucracy is a constant in the Universe. We’ll run the funding out on the Venus base, and besides, I’ve got staff members who are only flreg parsecs from full retirement. Continue Reading
Posted in Religionism, Science
Posted on 19 July 2010. Tags: Coast Guard, disaster, Environment, oil spill, Orlando, SeaWorld, theme park, whale
ORLANDO, Florida (GlossyNews) — Wearied by weeks of fighting the horrendous Gulf oil spill, the U.S. Coast Guard mobilized today to battle a large leak from a giant whale in a SeaWorld theme park.
“This is massive,” said Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen. “An animal this size naturally produces a very big leak.”
As of this morning the leak was still spreading, Continue Reading
Posted in Environment, Science
Posted on 18 July 2010. Tags: America's Got Talent, bohr, hawking, physics, quantum physics, space time continuum, von braun, wormholes
CHICAGO, Illinois (GlossyNews) — Things got a little strange Wednesday night in Chicago when a one-man act by the name of Arcus Temporis came on stage armed only with a chalkboard and a piece of chalk and an eraser.
“What is your name?” asked Piers Morgan of this wild-eyed man. In a Swedish accent, the man gave his name, “I am Arcus Temporis and I am 87 years olt,” he said as he took in the huge crowd he stood before.
“And what are you here to do for us tonight, Arcus?” said Piers. Continue Reading
Posted in Science, Television
Posted on 17 July 2010. Tags: Aquaman, batman, Bearbut Alaska, BP, Captain Nemo, oil reserve, oil spill, Prince Namor
MOBILE, Alabama (GlossyNews) — In their never ending effort to cap the bottomless Gulf oil leak, those ever creative minds at BP are coming up with endless new possibilities to shut it down. Their highest level officials and engineers have come up with several plans of action to take, in the event that those already tried continue to fail.
These include:
- Training giant blue whales to dive down, slurp up the oil, then surface and spit the collected oil into a holding ship for processing.
- Hiring Aquaman or Prince Namor from the comic books to assemble a team of aquatic animals to help out. Those guys can do anything.
Continue Reading
Posted in Environment, Science & Technologizzy
Posted on 16 July 2010. Tags: BP, Bush, Environment, gulf of mexico, gusher, obama, oil spill, top hat
CRAWFISH, Texas (GlossyNews) — More than three months after the infamous deep-sea well in the Gulf of Mexico burst spewing millions of gallons of oil across the southern coast, George Bush is still nowhere to be found. He is presumably resting in his fortress of solitude in Crawford, Texas. Democrats have been quick on the offensive questioning his leadership ability particularly in times of crisis. One Democratic staffer quipped, “It has been a full fiscal quarter and he still hasn’t finished reading My Oily Pet Goat.” Continue Reading
Posted in Environment, Politics
Posted on 15 July 2010. Tags: endangered species, environmentalist, Free Willy, liberals, montana, sheep ranchers, wolves
BUTTE, Montana – The surviving members of a pack of gray wolves have claimed innocence in the ongoing battle between sheep ranchers and environmentalists, after an entire flock of sheep was found dead without any sign of wolves in the area.
“We were living in the valley subsisting on field mice and staying clear of those stupid sheep,“ claims an old alpha male wolf called Soto. Continue Reading
Posted in Environment
Posted on 06 July 2010. Tags: Bra Phone, fashion accessories, Get Smart Reruns, Max Smart, Mel Brooks, phone style, Reuters Television, smart phone
LONDON, United Kingdom (GlossyNews) — Ever dream you were Maxwell Smart and had to reach Agent 99 in time to save her from a fate worse than death, only to find your cell phone dead, instead? Continue Reading
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos
Posted on 05 July 2010. Tags: annoying calls, cell phones, disruptors, garter belts, i Pods, MP3s, noise pollution
SEATTLE, Washington (GlossyNews) — Instant riches have been bestowed upon Freedom From Cellular Company, the inventor of the new, anti-cell phone jamming device called “The Silencer”. This fresh creation shuts down any irritating cell phones in the users vicinity making them inoperable. It is in such demand that they can now only be found for purchase on the Internet. The Silencer will shut up any cellphone anywhere, anytime within a 30 foot radius of the user. The machine has brought blessed silence, peace and quiet to the thousands of customers who already possess them. Continue Reading
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos
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