Archive | Science & Technologizzy

Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

NEW YORK – Guido da Vinci had always wondered how there could so much extra virgin olive oil in supermarkets across the world.

“I mean wherever I went in the world, I could find extra virgin olive oil. A lot of it. Finally, I thought: how could this be?”

“So I did some research on the internet. And I found that more than two-thirds of olive oil that is labeled as extra virgin isn’t really extra virgin. Some of it may be virgin, but lots of it isn’t virgin at all!” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science0 Comments

Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

Melbourne born software Developer Mike Pearce has thwarted government plans to impose mandatory data retention for all Australian citizens by fundamentally changing the way the internet works.

Australian PM, Tony Abbott is currently being accused of bullying the opposition and scaring the Australian people into submission with his new data retention plan.

The plan is being fiercely fought by Australia’s newest political superhero-to-the-people, Senator Scott Ludlam. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, World News0 Comments

New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks

New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks

The Size of One’s Vehicle is Directly Proportional to the Size of Genitalia

A new study conducted by the National Research Panel has concluded that men who drive large trucks, SUVs, and automobiles have smaller genitalia than men who drive small to medium sized vehicles.

The study, conducted on 350 males nationwide, lasted for three months. For the purpose of the study, the national average genitalia scaled in at 5 1/2 inches. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science0 Comments

This Ambitious Start-Up is Changing the Face of Marketing

This Ambitious Start-Up is Changing the Face of Marketing

{navel+gazers} is not like any other digital marketing agency you’ve dealt with.

We understand that businesses don’t care about gimmicky terms like “clicks”, “kerning”, or “art”. Businesses care about profit.

And so do we. That’s why we’ve designed a custom-tailored brand solution that strategically guarantees a return on your investment. Shouldn’t your solutions be strategic? Doesn’t your brand deserve recognition? Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy0 Comments

Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

When MLB teams acquire new players they expect their very best and this MLB offseason has featured an almost overwhelming amount of moves as teams try to upgrade their rosters and shift their focus in a new direction.

Since Ichiro entered the American major league with the Seattle Mariners in 2001, Ichiro has been a puzzle of great intrigue and interest. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sportsfolk, Technology1 Comment

Lessons from This Year in Tech and Fashion

Lessons from This Year in Tech and Fashion

Tech is the new fashion. If that was ever in doubt, ask the editors from Vogue, Marie Claire and other fashion magazines who attended the Apple Watch launch in Cupertino, CA, instead of covering New York Fashion Week (NYFW).

​The fashion and technology worlds have more in common than some people realize. One is a cut-throat industry, fueled by gossip and petty jealousies, the search for the next big thing and the need to stay ahead of look-a-like designs – and the other is the fashion business. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology0 Comments

Spectacular Creationist Breakthrough: World Much Older Than We All Thought

Spectacular Creationist Breakthrough: World Much Older Than We All Thought

Entirely Non-Superfluous Disclaimer

Sorry to be reworking a previous piece from TheSpoof.com here. I mean, it’s not that I’m running out of ideas…

But I’ve already got so much tedious crapola in my hatebox from the “Labour Leak” article, that I’m playing it safe…

With a completely respectful, mainstream, non-edgy piece that is LITERALLY 100% INCAPABLE of offending anybody. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Science1 Comment

Philae Lander Voted “Bouncy House Of The Year”

Philae Lander Voted “Bouncy House Of The Year”

Physics Today, the flagship journal of the American Institute of Physics, has announced the ESA Philae lander is the first winner in a new category in their annual awards for breakthroughs in physics, “Bouncy House Of The Year”.

“This year saw many breakthroughs, but the one that stood out from all the rest was the ESA’s repeated and successful bouncing of their 2 billion dollar lander on the comet 67P, lodging it on it’s side under a cliff, and rendering the lander useless and impotent to science” said AIP President Justin Fundworthy.

“By bouncing the lander several times yet remaining on the surface, the Rosetta and Philae team have proven when future human comet colonist rent a bouncy house for their childrens birthday parties, the bouncy house will not fly off into space” said Harry Johnson, editor of PhysicsWorld.com.

“It’s been an exciting year for physics, we commend the work of the nine runners-up but it’s hard to beat a good bouncy house GIF” said Dr. Johnson.

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Science, Science & Technologizzy, Technology, Top Stories1 Comment

Bread Bath & Beyond Unearths Ancient Toy in Corporate Warehouse

Bread Bath & Beyond Unearths Ancient Toy in Corporate Warehouse

Union, New Jersey – Chief Inventory Specialist, Brandon Pitabeard of Bread Bath & Beyond’s corporate headquarters made an astonishing discovery Monday morning when he found a toy dating back to the era when Olive Garden’s roamed the earth, more than 226 days ago.

Pitabeard found the antiquated toy, while extracting the store’s seasonal supply of Kim Kardashian Khristmas trees from the corporate warehouse, featuring an extra large base and a picture of her and ex-husband Kris Humphries on the top. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science, Science & Technologizzy3 Comments

Widespread Ebola Pandemic Fears A “Huge Confidence Booster” For Previously Modest Ebolavirus

Widespread Ebola Pandemic Fears A “Huge Confidence Booster” For Previously Modest Ebolavirus

SENEGAL – Explaining that it was, “as surprised as the next viral particle,” about the panic surrounding a potential global Ebola outbreak, EBOV, the virus responsible for Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever, held a press conference this week detailing its seemingly pleasant surprise at the worldwide discussion regarding its supposed pandemic-worthy virulence factors.

“Don’t get me wrong, I have always known my mortality rate was above average,” explained the negative-sense, single-stranded RNA virion. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Science1 Comment

UN Issues Long-term Weather Forecast

UN Issues Long-term Weather Forecast

Long-term worldwide weather forecast issued by the United Nations Meteorological Agency:

Unsettled conditions expected for much of the planet for the foreseeable future. In particular, we anticipate further weather extremes in the middle eastern section of the globe.

Since a large-scale western storm hit Iraq in 2003, there have been ongoing disruptions throughout that region. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Environment0 Comments

Lame Duck Damaged, Begs Extinction

Lame Duck Damaged, Begs Extinction

Environmentalists and naturalists have sounded the alarm for a threatened avian species resident in Washington, D.C. Having been spotted in the region for close to six years, this bird has recently suffered numerous setbacks and setblacks and appears to be on the verge of extinction.

Native to Chicago, it was once a flamboyant bird that was erroneously identified as a trumpeter swan. People were enthralled by its unusual dark-colored plumage and impressive wingspan and singing voice although some were put off by its arugula-based diet. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment1 Comment

Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered!

Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered!

Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – The location where the last known Olive Garden once stood before it succumbed to extinction was the site of a groundbreaking find on Thursday when archaeologists unexpectedly discovered a new insect that has been named the Mantodoughia Dictyoptera or Baking Mantis.

The insect is a close relative of the Praying Mantis although it has different features including a body in the shape of a breadstick and the ability to lure in its prey with a strong aroma of buttery garlic spray. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science, Science & Technologizzy0 Comments

Self-Driving Electric Cars will Soon Be Free, If You Can Afford One

Self-Driving Electric Cars will Soon Be Free, If You Can Afford One

When I add “self-driving” to “electric car”, you may envision a double-unicorn, but these beasts of legend are right around the corner, and they will be damn near free, assuming you can afford one.

Elon Musk has announced that “The Tesla car next year will probably be 90 percent capable of autopilot.” Cadillac will have their “hands & feet free” cruise control shortly thereafter. Nissan has repeated stated that they will have 100% autonomous vehicles by 2020. Remember, that’s only five years away.

An autonomous electric car would save you so much money it could easily pay for itself.

Let’s look at the 10-year cost of owning a new car

Fuel Cost:

According to PlugInAmerica, the average cost for a gallon of regular gasoline in the US over the past three years was $3.53/gallon. By using 15,000 miles as the average amount of miles a person will drive in a year, the annual cost of gasoline for the average car will be $2,135 per year.

Conversely, the average cost of electricity in the US is 12 cents per kWh. Therefore the average person driving an average EV 15,000 miles per year pay about $540 per year to charge it.

SAVINGS: $1,595 per year. $15,950 over ten years.

Insurance Cost:

Assuming you have a clean driving record, you can insure most vehicles with liability-only for about $750/year, with collision adding another $500. Comprehensive, the insurance that covers your damages if someone else hits you, is only a couple hundred.

Self-Driving cars have thus far proved to be extremely safe and highly unlikely to cause an accident. Google has already logged over 700,000 autonomous miles without causing an accident. This means that liability and collision insurance for self-driving cars will have substantially lower insurance premiums. Perhaps only 20% of the current rates.

SAVINGS: $1,000 per year. $12,000 over ten years.

Maintenance Cost:

Electric cars have fewer moving parts than an internal combustion vehicle. Think of the items that most commonly fail on cars, and you’ll find almost none of them on an electric car. In my 24-years of driving I’ve had maintenance and repairs like:

• Replace fuel pumps
• Replace a bad transmissions
• Replace a clutch
• Repair leaky, failing exhaust
• Oil changes
• Blown radiator
• Replace water pump (three different vehicles!)
• Blown head gasket
• Lost belts
• Replace timing chain
• Full system fluid flush

None of these things are required to repair or maintenance because these systems don’t even exist in an electric car. The cost of maintaining an electric car is estimated to be 1/3rd less than that of an internal combustion vehicle. So instead of $14,310 over the first eight years, it’s more like $9,444.

SAVINGS: $487 per year. $4,866 over ten years.

Purchase Cost:

At this point, the question isn’t “how much does it cost” but rather, “how much is it worth?”

If you could get a self-driving, electric car that lasts 10-years for $15,950 (or $19,885, since many states exempt sales tax on electric vehicles and there is a federal tax credit of $2,500 toward the purchase of one,) it would literally become a zero cost car just from the savings in fuel prices.

If you could whack another $12,000 off on insurance premiums, that means you’d get a free ten-year car even if it cost $33,014.

And with the maintenance cost savings factored in, it would get you up to a retail purchase price of $38,269.

The Choice

If I offered you a brand new gasoline powered car for FREE, or a brand new electic car or equal quality for $38,269, your ten year cost of ownership would be identical. They would both cost you the same. But gasoline cars are not free. They still cost serious money.

The cheapest cars on the market are around $15,000. A $15k gasoline car would cost the same over a ten year period as a $52,269 electric vehicle.

Batteries are expensive, there’s no getting around that. They are steadily coming down in price, and may see a huge dip once Tesla’s GigaFactory is running, but for now, let’s forget that. If a manufacturer could offer you a 100% electric, self-driving vehicle for less than $53,000, and you can afford it, you would be pennywise and a pound of dumbass if you didn’t take it.

The rich can afford to get richer

It still doesn’t pay to be broke. The rich get 0% financing, instead of the 582% charged by payday lenders in Idaho. Having money to keep in your bank account makes it a free service, as opposed to those who dip below zero and incur fees of $35 per transaction. The house I’ve purchased for $1,228/month couldn’t be rented for less than $1,550, and the luxury furniture I bought cash cost a fraction what a rent-to-own contract would give me for inferior furnishings at a place like Aarons.

This is, unfortunately, more of the same. If you can buy such a vehicle outright, or finance it on A+ terms, you’ll know upfront how much money you’re saving, or actually making on the deal. If you don’t qualify for the payments, even considering you’ll save easily half of your payment in gas, maintenance and insurance costs, you’re still going to be left out in the cold.

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Posted in Technology0 Comments

American secret agents exposed by phone app?

American secret agents exposed by phone app?

A stunning announcement was made at a secret hacker conference last month to little fanfare.

An app was made available for the Android or IPhone platform that exposes the secret agents working for America’s top secret organizations.

Called “Find my Spy”, the app is supposed to find any currently employed agent by name or location. Since the announcement the app has gone viral and has reportedly been downloaded over 3 million times already in fifty seven countries so far. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Gadgets & Gizmos0 Comments

GOP Has Perfected Bush/Cheney Clone to Take Over 2016 Election

GOP Has Perfected Bush/Cheney Clone to Take Over 2016 Election

Republican geneticists have succeeded in their long term project to clone George W. Bush and Dick Cheney into a composite entity to enter into the 2016 Presidential elections.

This modern Frankenstein, born in a petrie dish and reared in secret, has been specially educated and trained to be an unswerving right wing pundit.

It has been modified genetically so that it develops to physical maturity in just a few years. The creature will never reached mental maturity, but that is nothing that the Republicans are not used to. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy2 Comments

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