WASHINGTON, D.C. – Capitol Hill is under lockdown after reports that an intoxicated telephone pole hit a pedestrian walking by his position on Constitution Avenue.

The assault allegedly occurred early Saturday morning after a pair of street lamps to the tree’s north and south suddenly shut off, allowing the cover necessary to strike Anthony Goldberg, AIPAC’s senior legal counsel.

Police have managed to chain down the tree, known by other shrubbery as Franklin, and are awaiting a court date to charge him with Growing Under Influence (GUI). Read the full story

TEHRAN – Millions of Iranians have been left dumbfounded after the Ayatollah Khomeini announced his conversion to Judaism.

News agencies in Iran say the Supreme Leader underwent his change of faiths early Wednesday and chose to make an announcement only now with the hopes of cheering up his wife, who has been quite cranky for the last few weeks.

On-scene reporter Frank Douglas noted the shift in religious loyalties could force the United States to give Iran foreign aid, which its economy desperately needs after years of floundering due to sanctions imposed by the West. Read the full story

According to Israeli authorities, 30-year-old Palestinian prisoner Arafat Jaradat died of cardiac arrest five days after being arrested on February 18, 2013. Because of doubts, however, I asked to interview the prison medical examiner who had listed the cause of death. “Of course,” replied the Press Officer, “just be sure to pass through the Israeli Office of Press Censorship when you finish your report.” On this condition I was introduced the the coroner, Selova Proval. Following is the interview.

RIGHT: “Yes, children. Joan of Arc died of cardiac arrest.” (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

An Exodus rocket launched three Israeli astronauts and 100 Palestinian refugees into orbit Wednesday, kicking off a ten-year mission to establish a permanent human colony on the surface of Mars.

The rocket roared into mostly clear skies from the Gaza Strip at 11:50 PM EET on February 20, 2013. Once in orbit, it will jettison a tiny capsule dubbed “Exodus I,” beginning a two-year journey to the Red Planet for the 100 Palestinians packed tightly inside. Then a larger capsule will return the three Israeli astronauts back to the safety of Earth. Read the full story

According to the Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI resigned for health reasons. However, this reporter has learned that there may be more to the story.

RIGHT: Pope Benedict XVI tenders his resignation. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

U.S. government spokespersons today confirmed an attack by Syrian aircraft on the U.S. Naval Station in Norfolk, Virginia. The target appeared to be a shipment of Patriot surface-to-air missiles intended for Israel.

RIGHT: Syrian aircraft releasing their weapons. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

SodaStream CEO Daniel Burnbomb has taken his company from a modest novelty manufacturer to an international sensation that is selling millions of home carbonation machines world wide and will have a half million-dollar advert during the most watched event in the U.S., the American football Super Bowl championship. I interviewed Burnbomb at his factory in an Israeli settlement in the Palestinian West Bank to learn more about the company’s success story.

RIGHT: “If you love the bubbles, set them free.” (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

Alert Israeli forces yesterday thwarted a potential terrorist attack by a 1-year-old Palestinian. The terrorist, Qamar Awad, was among nineteen arrested on land in the south Hebron hills that is in the process of being liberated from Palestinians. I spoke to the Israeli commander of the operation, Captain Ramit Dan-Dertroht.

RIGHT: Israeli Captain Ramit Dan-Detroht arrests 1-year-od Palestinian terrorist Qamar Awad in the south Hebron hills. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

The National Rifle Association announced today the opening of its new chapter in the Palestinian Gaza Strip. Wayne LePire, NRA Executionary Vice President, said the establishment of an NRA chapter in Gaza was long overdue.

RIGHT: The NRA’s new Gaza office. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today denounced the establishment of a new Palestinian settlement in the area that Israel calls E1. The Palestinians are calling the new neighborhood Bab al-Shams (“Gate of the Sun”).

RIGHT: Palestinians build a new settlement on confiscated Palestinian land. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

Egypt’s young people are outraged following President Mohammed Morsi’s announcement that he is “Too cool for school.”

Morsi reportedly made the declaration before a crowd of fifth graders during a school visit in the Cairo suburbs meant to promote Egypt’s new constitution.

As the students reeled in surprise, the president proceeded to don a sombrero and dance out of the building while waving the peace sign. Read the full story

The Hamas government in Gaza is charging that weapons are being smuggled into Israel. “We are doing our best to blockade Israel and prevent everything except low-nutrition food and minimal medical supplies from entering,” said spokesperson Jehad al-Muqawama “but regardless of our efforts, they are still getting dangerous weapons that are being used to attack us. Read the full story

The US and al-Qaeda find themselves on the same side again. Ayman al-Zawarhiri, the top leader of al-Qaeda has issued a call for a religious war against Syria, as has Hilary Clinton, the US Secretary of State. I caught up with them at an undisclosed high security location where the food is kosher and the hosts are supportive of regime change in Syria.

RIGHT: al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton meet in a secret location several months prior to the 2012 U.S. elections. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

Within days of the Israeli attack on Gaza, code named Pillar of Cloud (Hebrew) and Pillar of Defense (English), the Jewish Federations of North America announced that they had raised an astonishing $5 million for the victims. When I told some of the victims that I was going to interview Ms. Goldie Reichstein, Chair of the Victims Fund, they asked me to convey their gratitude, which is how I started the interview:

RIGHT: One of many Israeli-made pillars rises over Gaza communities. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

This reporter has confirmed some of the suspicions that CIA Director David Petraeus’ infidelity went well beyond his dalliance with Paula Broadwell. One well-placed source confirmed that, “My God, if we had to sack everyone in the military and intelligence communities for sleeping around, we would be decimated! Petraeus must have done something much worse.” Read the full story

Social scientists working with computer models have confirmed U.S. President Barack Obama’s election night statement that, “…for the United States of America, the best is yet to come.”

RIGHT: U.S. President Barack Obama predicts, “the best is yet to come,” after winning reelection in 2012. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story