Obama Meets with Republicans; Shows Them His Spine

President Barack Obama finally sat down with John Boehner and Mitch McConnell to discuss how to end the stalemate over the funding of government. Unfortunately, neither side could make the concessions needed to end the standoff.

Upon leaving the meeting about an hour after it started, Obama gave a quick press conference in which he shared with the world that, he does have a spine.

“Oh yes, America, let there be no mistake. I do have a spine, and I did, in fact, show that spine to John and Mitch so that there was no doubt in their minds that I am not a spineless jelly fish, as they have suggested several times during previous funding debates.”

President Obama did not take questions after his statement; however, reporters noticed he was walking a little taller than he had been walking of late.

Upon hearing this news, the new unofficial leader of the Republican Party, Rep. Ted Cruz (R-TX) and official Speaker of the House, Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) issued this joint rebuttal: “He’s lying, America. He absolutely and unequivocally does not have a spine does he John?” stated Cruz, to which John Boehner responded, “whatever you say Ted, just please don’t hurt me.”

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