President-elect Obama today had lunch with four former Presidents- Bush 1 and 2, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. George Bush Sr. from habit wiped his hands with a sanitized wipe after shaking Obama’s hand. All gave him bits of advice from their Presidential experience.

Mini-me Bush showed him the secret drawer on the desk where he could quickly stash his video game if guests arrived unexpectedly. Carter suggested that he not lust in his heart. Clinton suggested he not lust in his pants. Read the full story

The current contenders for the 2012 U.S. presidential election have already stated their positions on a range of key issues such as the economy, taxes, education, immigration, social policy, and national security.

But one obvious question still remains. What are they like in bed?

GlossyNews recently lay down with each of the candidates for some unbridled, no-holds-barred sexual intercourse. Here’s what they had to say. Read the full story

WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic leaders at the White House. Read the full story

Stocks plunged worldwide and oil closed below $80 today on news that Germany will end its European Union membership effective 2012.

Financial analysts and global security experts are unable to predict how the unexpected move will shape an increasingly interconnected world. This much is known, nobody knows why the Germans made this decision, they won’t say why, and we have no way of making them talk. Read the full story

Comedy actor, Kal Penn, announced that he is leaving his gig working for the White House in the Office of Public Engagement to return to television. Some of you will remember Penn from his role on the television series House, others may remember him from the movie Harold and Kumar. However, only one or two of you, up until this story broke, even knew Kumar, err Penn worked in the White House Office of Public Engagement. And fewer still knew he was Obama’s personal Court Jester. Read the full story

While the debate in the Senate continues over whether to raise taxes on the rich, cut spending on Social Security and Medicare, or both, in order to deal with the debt ceiling crisis, there is one option on the table that is getting quite a bit of attention from both sides—incorporating a medical marijuana option into Medicare-Part D, the national prescription drug plan. Read the full story

Washington, DC – Vice President Joe Biden found himself in hot water Monday evening, after his latest verbal faux pas. While being interviewed by MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, Biden referred to House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) as “a sawed-off, four-eyed runt who doesn’t understand that you have to spend money to get out of debt.”  

Though the comment earned a hearty guffaw from Matthews, one of the two handlers assigned to Biden by the Obama administration promptly smacked the Vice President on the nose with a newspaper and ordered him back to his portable cage. Read the full story

With France and England approving the use of attack helicopters, President Barack Obama rejected the idea but continued his commitment of using Predator Drone unmanned aircraft against forces loyal to Moammar Gadhafi. Obama continues to cite his decision to use US military power against Gadhafi as a turning point in his Presidency. Read the full story

As the few remaining Tea Party freshmen and ‘Blue dog’ Democrats who are not embroiled in sex scandals stress their fiscal hawk credentials, some say it was inevitable that Obamacare would eventually feel the heat, and not just due to an untreated infection.

Sources close to the White House say nitpicking certain provisions from the Affordable Health Care Act is nothing but political posturing, while those on the other side of the debate call them obstructionist extremists. Read the full story

ON THE ROAD: IOWA —BobZaguy Rick Santorum is said to be making some amazing preparations to formally declare his candidacy for 2012. “I want to say publicly that I will make a major announcement regarding my plans for the GOPTea nomination in the week of June 5,” he said to a small handful of reporters.

“I will also engage in the debate at St. Anselm College in New Hampshire. I do have two important jobs to do before this can happen,” he explained. Read the full story

Stress is the number one mental problem plaguing society today. Stress can lead to obesity, anorexia, suicide, and color T.V. Did you know that there has been a 20% increase of stress-related spontaneous combustion in April 2011 due only to rumors of Whoopi Goldberg leaving The View? Read the full story

VARIOUSLY AROUND D.C. — GlossyNews.com Trump is really pissed — he felt that only 8 years of ‘Mission Accomplished’ was not long enough to have any impact. He said, “America needs a real someone to hate.

I thought I had 2012 sealed in a jar with the Birth Certificate issue but that was blown away when he made it public last week. Much to my displeasure, I had to take all the credit for that reveal. But we lost our one best universal hate. All we, as a country, had left to hate was bin Laden — now a dead bin Laden. What’s to hate there?” Read the full story

Yet another criticism of our “fearless leader” has been brought to light by those forces who are ever vigilant on keeping an eye on those treacherous liberal elements that have infested and are now running our great country.

It has come to surface that Omnipotent Obama is left handed! As we all know, things of the left hand are often associated with evil or inferiority. In Japan, left handed children were be killed because they were considered evil. Read the full story

Asheville, North Carolina (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.

In his latest bid to pump up the economy before the 2012 election, President Obama introduced a new program, “Bucks for Burn Downs,” that will pay financially troubled homeowners to burn down their own homes. Read the full story

Cultivation of the US Government’s own strain of cannabis known as mellow-yellow by a government-sanctioned agricultural group known as Subsidi-Farm is being ramped up in order to help raise money for the latest war in Libya. The coffers are running dry when it comes to funding social programs, medical health programs and education, but with this latest source of income, the President hopes to stave off any criticism for borrowing more heavily from the Chinese to maintain our presence in 3 wars. Read the full story

Washington 0500hrs: Creepy-looking founder of Wikileaks and alleged evil genius, Julian Assange, has officially been charged by prosecutors in Florida with molesting at least 26 political careers over the course of a single week last year.

The controversial figurehead and former computer hacker, currently under house arrest in England, claims the allegations are preposterous. “I did not assault these diplomats,” declared Assange, as he left court with his barrister, Geoffrey Robertson QC. Read the full story