Posted on 09 December 2014.
Posted on 09 December 2014.
Eager to take over the U.S. government as swiftly as possible after winning major seats in the Senate and Legislature, ‘certain forces’ within our system have called on a specialist to rid the organization of its ‘lame duck’ elements.
Operating in secrecy, these individuals called in their ace in the sleeve for when things need to get messy- THE CHENEY. Read the full story
Posted on 27 November 2014.
Obama’s first Post Ferguson pardon occurred Thursday, and just like everything else the President does, the act has got him up to his neck in controversy.
As is tradition at the White House since 1947, the President pardoned a turkey, sparing the bird from the electric knife and the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Pardoning the turkey itself is not controversial, but the kind of turkey he pardoned has ruffled some people’s feathers. President Obama pardoned a black turkey. Read the full story
Posted on 17 November 2014.
A leak in the security of the new Star Trek series has provided Glossy with a peek at the highly anticipated show.
As you can see the players will be wearing an all new design of Star Fleet uniforms and, as usual, represent many different races and nationalities.
Again there will be a black Vulcan just like Tuvok in the Voyager series, only this time he will be in the Commander position. Unlike his predecessor this new Vulcan will occasionally exhibit moments of humor, a very un-Vulcan like quality.
His name is Barack Hussein Obama, an unlikely a name as any writer could ever conjure up, but we’ll go with it for the time being. There is a Chinese second in command, Xi Jinping (they must have been really imaginative to come up with this moniker), who will be a constant source of disagreement and contention in the series.
Unknown to the other crew members, a Romulan agent has infiltrated the group with the intent on sabotaging all relationships and vessel machinery that he can. Named Vladimir Putin (the writers got a little lax on this name. It is inappropriate as it sounds too much like the Romanian Prince Vlad who was the basis for Dracula….on second thought the name fits. Forget it.), he is the wild card in the deck of the ship’s crew.
Other nationalities and races will play key characters who will mostly get in the way of the other three stars or die horribly while wearing red uniforms (in the original Star Trek series any actor wearing a red shirt always got creamed half way through the episode).
Whereas most Star Trek episodes involved conflicts with aliens outside the ship, this series will have most of its battles waged inside the vessel between its own crew members. Mr. Putin and Jinping will prove to be behind most of the intrigue. Mr. Putin and Mr. Jinping, being from more backwards lands, are jealous of the Captain’s superior technology and feels that they must interrupt their progress in any way possible to overcome it.
On their first mission in an entirely new ship aptly called the “New World Order”. the crew encounters foreign aliens trying to escape their home planet to work on the earth. Captain Obama wants to welcome them in, not realizing that helmsman Putin has already sent out small fighters to buzz and harass them. Mr. Jinping just stands back and waits for both to make mistakes so he can take over.
Future episodes will be guaranteed to have lots of weird looking aliens and not-so-weird looking gorgeous shapely women wearing way-too-short mini-skirt uniforms.
Posted on 11 November 2014.
WASHINGTON—Tuesday morning, President Obama announced the immediate deployment of American boots in response to the continuing threat of ISIS in Iraq and Syria.
This is in spite of the president’s recent assurance that there will be “no boots on the ground.”
“It has become clear that airstrikes alone are not enough,” said President Obama during a press conference.
“To degrade and destroy the extremist threat facing Iraq and Syria, we need a sizable ground presence. That’s why I’ve authorized the immediate deployment of 60,000 pairs of boots to the region.” Read the full story
Posted on 08 November 2014.
It’s late fall and a sure sign of the season is the movement of various migratory birds in Washington and elsewhere. Recent sightings include:
Perhaps because of its name, the African American obama is often mistakenly thought to be native to Kenya. In fact, this White House-perched bird is from Chicago by way of Hawaii. Read the full story
Posted on 07 November 2014.
It seems as if Barack Obama is getting blamed for everything. The Republicans are blaming him for every foreign hotspot including Iraq, Ukraine and Israel.
Every domestic problem also seems to be the President’s doing, so much so that the Republicans led by Speaker of the House John Boehner even launched a lawsuit against him.
At first, I thought all this was overkill. After all, how can one man be responsible for so many things going wrong? But then it occurred to me: the Republicans are on to something good here. It’s kind of like the dog-ate-my-homework all-purpose excuse – Obama did it. Read the full story
Posted on 07 November 2014.
Obama is no longer the first black president as he turned albino white today during his latest CIA briefing.
Apparently the ‘men in black’ have been hiding some of the more disturbing secrets of the nation from the man who should really know them. Now he does and it ain’t apparently purty…
After discovering how things really are beneath the surface in Washington and on the world scene, President Obama turned white right down to his hair, much the same as did Senator McCain when he was held prisoner by the North Vietnamese. Read the full story
Posted on 30 October 2014.
Announcer: With Dick and Janey on vacation this week, we will be rerunning an earlier interview with Mr. J. Foghill Bottom, the State Department’s resident specialist on diplomatic etiquette.
Because President Obama was criticized early in his presidency for bowing to foreign royalty, this interview was an attempt to find out what exactly is U.S. policy on presidential bowing.
Janey: Welcome, Mr. Bottom.
Dick: Or, to put it a little more in the vernacular: Bottom’s up! Read the full story
Posted on 19 October 2014.
Announcer: As we’re all aware, a president’s appointment of a Supreme Court judge is subject to the approval of the Senate. If the Republicans gain control of the Senate in November, and, if, as a result, Justice Ginsburg decides to retire, that would give President Obama one last chance to appoint a Supreme Court judge and have the appointment approved by the “Lame Duck” Democrats. To give us some perspective on this issue, Dick and Janey’s guest today on “Yucky World” will be noted political commentator “Scoop” Pooper.
Janey: Welcome, Mr. Pooper!
Dick: Hi, Scoopedoo!
Scoop: Sometimes I wonder why I appear on this show.
Dick: Where else could you talk about lame ducks!
Scoop: I’m more worried about lame brains.
Dick: Man, I really feel sorry for those poor ducks.
Scoop: Not half as sorry as I feel for your audience.
Janey: Scoop, let’s get right to the issue. What’s the key quality President Obama is looking for in a Supreme Court nominee?
Scoop: An inability to read what the Constitution says.
Dick: Huh? Why would Obama want to appoint a judge with reading problems?
Scoop: Why not? We’ve had lots of ‘em already!
Janey: I can’t believe that. How could they get through law school?
Dick: Maybe they had Obama for their professor.
Janey: How about giving us an example.
Scoop: No problem. We’ve seen a lot of rulings involving the right to privacy. Now, when you read the Constitution, you can’t find that right anywhere.
Janey: Not specifically, but it’s based on the Fourth Amendment’s illegal search and seizure clause.
Scoop: Yes, but it was somehow used as the basis for the right to an abortion which is no where in the Constitution. In fact, up until 1973, it was a power of the states.
Scoop: So, the Tenth Amendment says, “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” The regulation of abortion should be a reserved power of the states.
Dick: But doesn’t their ruling on assisted suicide actually contradict their abortion ruling?
Scoop: Exactly! Like abortion, there’s not one word in the Constitution about assisted suicide. And it certainly qualifies as a privacy issue of a personal choice to be made between the patient and doctor.
Janey: But their ruling said that it was up to the states: Michigan has outlawed assisted suicide while it’s legal in Oregon.
Scoop: Correct! They contradicted themselves.
Janey: Then aren’t you really arguing for a strict interpretation of the Constitution?
Scoop: No! I’m arguing for a proper reading of the Constitution.
Dick: Yeah, but I thought the Supreme Court’s job was to interpret the Constitution, to tell us what it means.
Scoop: That’s the problem. You won’t find the word “interpret” in the Constitution. In reading class, understanding what you’ve read is called comprehension, not interpretation. You can interpret a poem; give it your own meaning, but not a constitution. It has to be comprehended, then explained—not interpreted.
Janey: But how does this apply to the fight over Supreme Court nominees?
Scoop: Obama wants a judge who will spend most of his or her time reading between the lines instead of reading what the Constitution actually says.
Janey: What’s between the lines?
Scoop: The right to an abortion.
Dick: So President Obama needs to nominate a judge who has reading problems?
Scoop: Exactly! He wants a judge who can find a “right” like abortion in the Constitution—even if it’s not there.
Janey: Well, why don’t they just do it the proper way and add a constitutional amendment for the right to an abortion?
Scoop: This way’s easier—especially when you’ve never had the votes to get an amendment adopted.
Dick: But where could Obama find a judge with reading problems?
Scoop: Specifically, the Kansas State Supreme Court. They just let the Democratic candidate for the Senate withdraw even though state law says you can only withdraw for two reasons: if you’re dead (he’s not) or if you’re incapable of fulfilling the duties of the office (but the ex-Democratic candidate is still fulfilling the duties of district attorney).
Janey: Why did they do that?
Scoop: So the independent senate candidate would have a better chance of beating the Republican and, if he wins, then he would caucus with the Democrats.
Dick: Somebody should tell Toto.
Janey: I’m not sure he’s in Kansas anymore.
Dick: Too bad! You know, I think I’ll go home and reread the Constitution.
Janey: Wow! Reread!! Thinking about becoming a Supreme Court judge?
Dick: Naw! According to the President’s reading standards, I’m probably overqualified.
Posted on 01 October 2014.
Announcer: This is a “Yucky World” Special! Talk show hosts Dick and Janey will not be saying much today. We’ll be listening instead to a secretly recorded conversation in which a deep cover Russian agent known as Putzy, embedded in the Obama administration as a foreign policy expert, is being debriefed by Bob, his handler.
Dick: This is serious stuff, folks!
Janey: Our source, who has security clearances at the highest levels, has chosen to remain anonymous.
Dick: You may wonder why he would leak this to us.
Janey: Think: Bengazi, the IRS’s lost emails, Fast and Furious, bin Laden’s hundreds of thousands of never released documents, the Sergeant Bergdahl trade due to his “poor” health…
Dick: …Obama’s college records!
Janey: Dick, please.
Dick: Well, even George W. Bush released his!
Janey: True, but maybe he had better grades. Let’s listen to the debriefing.
_ _ _ _ _
Bob: You were absolutely right about his ego!
Putzy: Thank you, sir, but Obama made it easy. All you had to do was listen to him. In his victory speech in June of 2008, he said that his nomination would mark “the moment when the rise of the oceans begin to slow and our planet began to heal…”
Bob: Dr. Obama, ready to save the world!
Putzy: In the next month he went even further. He said that his becoming president “is the moment…that the world is waiting for…”
Bob: So was Prime Minister Putin!
Putzy: And your follow up was brilliant, sir.
Bob: Spasiba! We used our persuasive powers to convince the Norwegians to give him the Nobel Peace Prize…
Putzy: …For accomplishing nothing.
Bob: Exactly, but then he had to live up to it…and for almost six years Obama thought the best way to achieve that was by doing almost nothing…
Putzy: …That was successful. Which is exactly what happens when you choose to “Lead from behind”.
Bob: How did you convince them to make that their policy?
Putzy: They’re so naïve; they thought it was brilliant.
Bob: But your master stroke was getting Obama to stop the plans to build a missile defense system in Poland and the Czech Republic.
Putzy: Thank you, but deciding to undercut America’s friends and then announcing the change on the day World War II began in Europe was Obama’s idea.
Bob: Has he no sense of history?
Putzy: Obama believes it’s his moment to transform the world, that he is the embodiment of history!
Bob: Unbelievable! And then you got them to dumb-down their policy to “Don’t do stupid stuff!”
Putzy: Right! And that was after I had convinced Hillary to actually give a “Reset” button to Foreign Minister Lavrov.
Bob: Lavrov got a big kick out of the wrong word being used for “reset”! And, of course, Putin has been doing all the actual resetting…of boundaries.
Putzy: The Crimea and eastern Ukraine today! Who knows what tomorrow!! After all, Obama did tell President Medvedev that he would have “more flexibility” after he was elected in 2012.
Bob: Well, spinelessness is a form of flexibility. Too bad Obama only has two more years to go.
Putzy: I tried to convince him to work to change the Constitution back to no term limits for the President, that the Republicans had only changed it to hurt Democrats, but Obama wasn’t interested.
Putzy: Well, we were out on a golf course and he was trying to line up a putt.
Bob: That’s okay. You’ve had a lot of other successes.
Putzy: Afghanistan is my favorite. Obama was intent on getting all American troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan, but they did need more soldiers in Afghanistan. So, I told Obama when he announced the surge, he should also announce at the same time when the soldiers would start to leave.
Bob: Brilliant!! Nothing like letting your enemy know your future plans! You also did well when Obama trapped himself by drawing a “red line” over Syria’s use of chemical weapons.
Putzy: And, unbelievably, he later followed my suggestion of claiming that he really didn’t draw a red line, that “The world set a red line.”
Bob: That’s when comrade Putin stepped in and negotiated a deal to destroy all of Syria’s chemical weapons.
Putzy: And if you believe that, you will probably also believe that Iran is serious about negotiating away its ability to build nuclear weapons.
Bob: What was even harder to believe was his announcing that he didn’t have a strategy for dealing with the ISIS terrorists.
Putzy: I keep encouraging him not to use a teleprompter so he will make more unforced errors. The weaker he looks, the better for us. I mean, who wants to be in a coalition with someone who leads from behind without a strategy.
Bob: Your “Spike the ball” tactic has also provided a gold mine of information.
Putzy: With Obama, it’s all about politics. He and Hillary didn’t even deny that they had voted against Bush’s surge in Iraq for political reasons. When it came to killing bin Laden, I encouraged him to brag about how it was done. I thought a movie would be a good idea, too!
Bob: Well, Secretary of Defense Gates didn’t like all the intelligence being leaked out.
Putzy: I was in the next room when Gates told them to “Shut the f— up!” but it was too late for the Pakistani doctor who helped out. Nothing like burning an asset to discourage future sources.
Bob: But they never learn do they?
Putzy: Nyet! They even bragged about the failed operation to save the two executed reporters…with more information leaking to the terrorists.
Bob: Your “No boots on the ground!” idea seems to be working well, too!
Putzy: They keep making the same mistakes! There’s nothing dumber than telling your enemy ahead of time what you’re not going to do!
Bob: Come the 2016 election, we’re going to miss Obama and his “useful idiots”.
Putzy: Not even Hillary could be this good for us!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Janey: This is devastating!
Dick: Can’t our source do something to out Putzy?
Janey: He’s tried. Obama’s not going to admit that he’s been naively bamboozled for the last six years.
Dick: Well, there is one promise that Obama has kept…at least to the Russians.
Janey: What’s that?
Dick: Being transparent!
Posted on 19 September 2014.
When President Obama’s presidency finishes, he won’t be out of a job. Well, he might be out of a job before his Presidency finishes, if the Republicans succeed in impeaching him.
Still, the President says that whenever he leaves the Oval Office, he’s going to use skills he has already required on-the-job, in order to further advance his career.
So, look at what he has to say about this:
I’m great at putting on a show™. I’m charming, witty, GSOH, I can engage the attention of an audience™…
And best of all, I have some great jingles to sing along with the kids!
Hell yeah! You know, there was this one time I was in this school in Arkansas with these really young kids, and I asked them:
Repeat after me! Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!™x10 000.
You guessed it! They absolutely loved it!
You know, those English people, they teach their kids tedious, wordy and unbearably worthy songs like “Old McDonald had a farm,” and the kids just sit there, bored to tears…
But you know, the problem is, these songs are just too complex for the kids to really appreciate them.
That’s right, you guessed it again! My way is different,™ for sure!
I mean, you can’t make things complex, you can’t have the kids just sitting there, thinking “Hmmm, what does this mean?” or “Not too sure about this.”
Uh-uh! No: just stand up, smile, give them two or three words to repeat, do it 40 or 50 or maybe 500 or so times, whatever, they just love it!
For real! I mean, they just get carried away, caught in the mood, and they take it away with them.
Yup! It’s all about the heart, not the head; keep it simple!
Well yeah, I mean, I’ve had plenty of practice doing this at Democratic Conferences; this is the ultimate transferable skill on my resume.
I mean, all I had to do in order to ensure a highly successful Presidential campaign that would trick every body into electing me… sorry, delude… telemprompter fail… sorry, to ensure a campaign that would CONVINCE everybody to elect me…
All I needed was to have them chant over and over again, “Yes we can! Yes we can!” The kids just lapped it up!
I mean, they just loved it… uh, kids?…
Sorry, teleprompter fail, I meant lobbyists… uh, I mean, my rightful voters…
And guess what? I didn’t even require on-the-job training!
Yeah, I mean, I had this skill way before I became Commander-in-Chief.
Um, not Commander-in-Chief; Droner-in-ch… sorry, I mean when I became our… ah, damn that teleprompter!”
However, Hillary Clinton is unimpressed (and not for the first time):
“Well, Barack Obama may be a catchy speechmaker… yeah, who’d deny it!
“But if that’s all he’s got, I just can’t see him succeeding as a kindergarten teacher!”
But wait, isn’t that kinda like what you said last time, Hillary? Well, you know, look how well President Obama did in the end!
Well… apart from the odd teleprompter gaffe, of course…
Posted on 07 August 2014.
Just when you would think that Congress (aka Republicans) could not get any more creative in their undermining of just about every move that Obama makes they come with something that leaves you aghast that they actually do possess some degree of creativity.
No longer stonewalling and counter measuring everything the non-white man President does the Congress passed a measure to sue Obama over the actions he is taking in using Presidential procedure to make decisions.
Funny, they never did this when George the Second Bush went way beyond his legislative abilities to pass laws and to gut simple human rights (aided by his caretaker Dick aka. Vader Cheney).
As I remember they who are now so indignant at Obama sat back in their high seats and snickered. In other words its OK when one of their own good old boys do it, but not when the black whippersnapper does. Am I wrong or isn’t that the basis for fascism?
In an effort to waste more time and taxpayer money the Repubs are starting a ridiculous lawsuit designed to make themselves look good and tough and Obama bad. It is all part of a continuous manipulative effort to make better their chances for election wins in the present mid-term and for the 2016 Presidential election.
It is also a ploy to further handicap a President who would have gotten a lot more good done for the country had the Right worked with him a little bit rather than working him over. What could have been a landmarking term of office with vast improvements for all sections of American society has instead sunk into a morass of hatred and back stabbing resulting in a stagnation of our whole way of life.
In a way whose only purpose is to make the big boys in the right look good to their buddies and cronies and serves no other purpose but to gum up the governmental machinery more and cost us more tax money, the suing will bring no good to anyone except for a few lawyers to get richer and for a few redneck bigots to gloat more.
As though Obama doesn’t have enough to deal with already.
Posted on 16 June 2014.
Announcer: Today’s guest on “Yucky World” will be noted political consultant and lexicologist W.C. “Scoop” Pooper. He will be discussing a new political term, Obamymoron, with our talk show hosts Dick and Janey.
Janey: Welcome, Scoop.
Dick: Hey, what’s the latest poop, Scoop? Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
Scoop: Well, President Obama has finally stepped in it this time with the Sergeant Bergdahl trade!
Dick: I’m not surprised. That’s what happens when you lead with your bee-hind.
Janey: Please, Dick! What’s an Obamymoron, Scoop?
Scoop: It’s when people realize that what you said or did contradicts reality.
Dick: Like Bergdahl was so near death that the President didn’t have time to consult Congress?
Dick: Then “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” would also be an Obamymoron?
Scoop: Absolutely! But it doesn’t have to be something President Obama said or did.
Janey: How about “Read my lips! No new taxes”?
Scoop: Exactly! Obamymorons can be bi-partisan!
Dick: What about Susan Rice saying Bergdahl was “captured on the battlefield” and “served the United States with honor and distinction”?
Scoop: That’s a double Obamymoron. Those are hard to do!
Dick: Not for Rice. Don’t forget her Obamymoron that the attack in Benghazi started out as a protest over a video.
Janey: I’m a little concerned that some people might think the term Obamymoron is racist.
Scoop: You know, it’s really just a play on the word oxymoron, like “jumbo shrimp”. Obamymorons are very similar to oxymorons; they both have built-in contradictions!
Dick: And no one’s ever said that using the term oxymoron meant a person was prejudiced against oxen.
Janey: Ri-i-ght, Dick. But why pick on Obama?
Scoop: Because he’s so easy. Remember when Obama said he was against presidential signing statements being attached to bills and that his administration would be the most transparent ever?
Janey: But sometimes reality is different from what you expected.
Scoop: Yeah! And when reality gets in the way of transparency, and Bush can’t be blamed, you can always crash Lois Lerner’s IRS computer!
Dick: Look at the President’s goal of equal pay for men and women. The problem was, for Obama’s White House staff, women only earned 88% of what men did!
Dick: How about “I did not have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky”?
Scoop: Doink! That’s not an Obamymoron!
Dick: Doink! Huh?
Janey: Clinton had sex with her, Dick, not sexual relations.
Dick: I’m confused.
Janey: About sex? I’m not surprised.
Scoop: Clinton was being a lawyer and parsing words.
Janey: Speaking of parsing words, our sponsors have just sent us an email indicating that they would like to have an Obamymoron contest.
Dick: Just email your Obamymorons to us here at the station.
Scoop: Will there be prizes?
Dick: Everyone who enters is guaranteed a free IRS audit!
Scoop: What about special prizes for the best responses?
Janey: For second place, your audit will be conducted in the Rose Garden.
Dick: And you will get a free beer compliments of the President.
Scoop: I’m afraid to ask what first place wins.
Dick: A one week all expenses paid vacation to Qatar where you will stay with the Taliban Five at their safe house.
Janey: Wouldn’t a Taliban safe house be a…
Scoop: Yes! …An oxymoronic Obamymoron!!
Posted on 24 May 2014.
Washington, D.C. – President Obama sternly admitted that no one in the country is more outraged than he over the news coming out of the VA scandal in which numerous veterans have lost their lives waiting for medical care. Nobody bought it, of course, but he still said it.
What the President meant to say was that if any of those responsible for denying care to veterans worked in the private sector, they would be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Read the full story
Posted on 17 May 2014.
Announcer: With the federal highway system continuing to deteriorate, President Obama has been looking for new ways to raise money including collecting tolls on the Interstates. Administration tax specialist Mr. I.R. Esse will be discussing this with Dick and Janey, talk show hosts of “Yucky World”.
Janey: Welcome, Mr. Esse. Read the full story
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