Posted on 19 September 2014.
When President Obama’s presidency finishes, he won’t be out of a job. Well, he might be out of a job before his Presidency finishes, if the Republicans succeed in impeaching him.
Still, the President says that whenever he leaves the Oval Office, he’s going to use skills he has already required on-the-job, in order to further advance his career.
So, look at what he has to say about this:
I’m great at putting on a show™. I’m charming, witty, GSOH, I can engage the attention of an audience™…
And best of all, I have some great jingles to sing along with the kids!
Hell yeah! You know, there was this one time I was in this school in Arkansas with these really young kids, and I asked them:
Repeat after me! Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!™x10 000.
You guessed it! They absolutely loved it!
You know, those English people, they teach their kids tedious, wordy and unbearably worthy songs like “Old McDonald had a farm,” and the kids just sit there, bored to tears…
But you know, the problem is, these songs are just too complex for the kids to really appreciate them.
That’s right, you guessed it again! My way is different,™ for sure!
I mean, you can’t make things complex, you can’t have the kids just sitting there, thinking “Hmmm, what does this mean?” or “Not too sure about this.”
Uh-uh! No: just stand up, smile, give them two or three words to repeat, do it 40 or 50 or maybe 500 or so times, whatever, they just love it!
For real! I mean, they just get carried away, caught in the mood, and they take it away with them.
Yup! It’s all about the heart, not the head; keep it simple!
Well yeah, I mean, I’ve had plenty of practice doing this at Democratic Conferences; this is the ultimate transferable skill on my resume.
I mean, all I had to do in order to ensure a highly successful Presidential campaign that would trick every body into electing me… sorry, delude… telemprompter fail… sorry, to ensure a campaign that would CONVINCE everybody to elect me…
All I needed was to have them chant over and over again, “Yes we can! Yes we can!” The kids just lapped it up!
I mean, they just loved it… uh, kids?…
Sorry, teleprompter fail, I meant lobbyists… uh, I mean, my rightful voters…
And guess what? I didn’t even require on-the-job training!
Yeah, I mean, I had this skill way before I became Commander-in-Chief.
Um, not Commander-in-Chief; Droner-in-ch… sorry, I mean when I became our… ah, damn that teleprompter!”
However, Hillary Clinton is unimpressed (and not for the first time):
“Well, Barack Obama may be a catchy speechmaker… yeah, who’d deny it!
“But if that’s all he’s got, I just can’t see him succeeding as a kindergarten teacher!”
But wait, isn’t that kinda like what you said last time, Hillary? Well, you know, look how well President Obama did in the end!
Well… apart from the odd teleprompter gaffe, of course…