Archive | Sportsfolk

Andy Tate & Louis Van Gaal Respond to Latest Glazer Improvements of Man United

Andy Tate & Louis Van Gaal Respond to Latest Glazer Improvements of Man United

Last time, we told yer all about t’ Glazer family’s shoddy attempts t’ finally sort out United and make ‘em all ‘bright, clean & nice-looking guys.’ But ‘ow has this news been received, eh?

Andy Tate rants:

Avram Glazer, yer are a priiiiiize nob! Ya got the business on a flamin’ technicality, all because ah a bloody legend ‘oo as told yer the rest o’ us wooden pay nah mind if yer went on ahead and roooooined us club. Well let me tell ya this, Av…
The name’s Avram Glazer, well Ah’ve ad enough bad treatment rammed down my throat wi’ all yer stupid, stupid business games, yer flamin’ spermburpin’ dingalows!

Louis Van Gaal is less bothered:

I just can’t see what all the fuss is about. I mean, they’re only fans, after all. They should just stop being so arrogant, and thinking it’s all about them!

Anyway, I’m more worried about how much longer we can keep up outclassing Norwich City. This massive purple patch might just be unsustainable. And Even Eric Black is starting to get a bit cocky when he’s trolling me on Twitter. Let me try and get our priorities right!

Share

Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Van Gaal’s football by numbness misses United’s point

Van Gaal’s football by numbness misses United’s point

Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal is nothing if not a pragmatist. Bristling at criticism of his side’s lack of attacking flair of late, the Dutchman has insisted that his team is still a work in progress.

It is, as he has labelled it, at a moment in an ongoing process.

United’s fans, spoiled as they were during the unprecedented entertainment levels of the Sir Alex Ferguson era, are unimpressed. ‘Processes’ are not what they pay to see. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Harry Redknapp’s Resounding Victory over Twitter Trolls

Harry Redknapp’s Resounding Victory over Twitter Trolls

Former rugby legend Bucky Guinstella has begun his long march out of the sporting wilderness, and has embarked upon a new literary career as a Twitter troll.

However, the joke seems to be on him, and he is not having much success.

Maybe he’s just an unrecognised genius?

Well, time will tell. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

When MLB teams acquire new players they expect their very best and this MLB offseason has featured an almost overwhelming amount of moves as teams try to upgrade their rosters and shift their focus in a new direction.

Since Ichiro entered the American major league with the Seattle Mariners in 2001, Ichiro has been a puzzle of great intrigue and interest. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sportsfolk, Technology1 Comment

St. Louis Rams Cut Michael Sam for Being “Not Gay Enough”

St. Louis Rams Cut Michael Sam for Being “Not Gay Enough”

ST. LOUIS – In a statement released today by St. Louis Rams Head Coach Jeff Fischer, defensive end Michael Sam did not make the latest round of roster cuts because of his apparent lack of homosexual tendencies.

“Honestly, as a team, we wanted to show the world that the National Football League was ready for an openly gay player,” said Fischer.

“But with a less-than-expected amount of what one would consider ‘typical gay behavior,’ Michael Sam just was not our guy.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports, Sportsfolk1 Comment

Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Rachel Maddow of the left-leaning news network™ MSNBC has defended Hillary Clinton from malicious and false conservative allegations™ that she is bad at basketball. See this transcript:

“The enemies of the Democratic Party™, is there any depths to which they will not stoop™ to insult this woman with malicious and self-evidently false™, I mean absolutely ridiculously implausible allegations™?

“I believe if Hillary Clinton were a man, no-one would ever criticize her in this way™. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Saturday night NASCAR icon Tony Stewart single-handedly quadrupled NASCAR’s slumping television ratings when he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr in a Sprint Car race at Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York.

Ward, 20, had been run into the wall by Stewart the lap before, wrecking his #13 Sprint car and in a jealous rage, Ward confronted Stewart’s car on foot, wagging a very intimidating finger at the former NASCAR champion.

One car swerved to avoid the irate driver but Stewart didn’t miss his target, striking the 20-year-old and dragging him several feet to his death. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Billy Beane in attempted trade for Trout: “F*** it”

Billy Beane in attempted trade for Trout: “F*** it”

ANAHEIM – This morning, general manager Billy Beane of the Oakland Athletics attempted the trade of a lifetime.

Jerry Dipoto, GM of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, tells source that Beane contacted him in the early hours of the morning with an offer he “couldn’t refuse.”

Beane called the Dipoto home around 4am and told the former pitcher “F*** it. I’m ready.” He then allegedly tried to offer up the entire 2014 Oakland Athletics roster in exchange for Angels marquee player, Mike Trout. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf

Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf

There’s nothing elegant about a three-year-old putting madly at a ball he can’t seem to square up on, but it seems one channel has gone the extra mile by making him an internet sensation.

The golfer in question is a young man named Max, and apparently it’s short for Maximum Putt Swings, because this kid is a hacker on the highest order, and his swing isn’t merely unrefined, but refreshingly wild. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Kidz Zone, Sportsfolk0 Comments

First Nations Emboldened, Demand Red Sox Change Their Name

First Nations Emboldened, Demand Red Sox Change Their Name

With the hurricane centered squarely upon the Washington Red Skins, some native American tribes have seen fit to target the Red Sox, declaring them a hate-group in thier own right.

“I’ve watched the Red Sox play for years,” said Margery Margnar of Lower-Upper Boston-Adjacent. “But I never realized what a bunch of racist jerks they are.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports Events, Sportsfolk2 Comments

Tiger Woods Unable To Play In Masters After Successful Penisectomy

Tiger Woods Unable To Play In Masters After Successful Penisectomy

Tiger Woods announced Tuesday that he has undergone a successful penisectomy for a vestigial weiner that has been haunting him for several years.

The surgery was performed Monday in Park City, Utah, by neurosurgeon Dr. Charles Ima Richer. The procedure was successful, but Woods will be unable to chip them in from green side bunkers for the foreseeable future. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports, Sportsfolk1 Comment

Avid Golfer Furious Over Woman Buying 9 Iron as Weapon

Avid Golfer Furious Over Woman Buying 9 Iron as Weapon

SUN CITY, Florida – George ‘Mac’ McGruder, 69, has been golfing ever since he was old enough to hold a golf club. Wednesdays have always been his golf days, even when he was a physician and ran his own practice.

“The girls in the office knew not to bother me on Wednesdays,” said Mac, “unless, of course, someone was dying,” he added.

So when Mac overheard a woman at his favorite golf pro shop ask the clerk what the heaviest club in the set was, he assumed she wanted to know which club would drive the ball the farthest. What he heard next though came about as close to heresy as he could imagine. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sportsfolk1 Comment

49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night

49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night

The San Francisco 49ers had a terrible 12-4 season, but this Sunday they face the Seattle Seahawks with a stunning 13-3 regular season record. Facing certain defeat, 49ers fans are widely expected to commit mass, ritual suicide.

The Seahawks have the best defense in the league, and have been favored over the 49ers by 3-9 points/game this regular and post-season, but even losing inside the spread is unlikely to sate the bloodlust for sacrifice to make for a better team next season. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports Events, Sportsfolk11 Comments

Dennis Rodman Fails to Arrive at Kim Jong Un Palace

Dennis Rodman Fails to Arrive at Kim Jong Un Palace

Pyongyang, N. Korea – Dennis Rodman reportedly sent a look-alike imposter in his place to supreme leader, Kim Jong Un’s palace Thursday. The leader of N. Korea is said to be hopping mad and may be readying the execution squad yet another time this month.

“He promise he come back see me, bring many, many good basketball player. He no show up,” Jong Un was quoted as saying after throwing a lavish party consisting of the one chicken left in the state larders, along with two cucumbers and a spaghetti squash left over from the summer harvest. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sportsfolk, World News0 Comments

Dennis Rodman Missing After Jang Song Thaek’s Execution

Dennis Rodman Missing After Jang Song Thaek’s Execution

Although the mainstream media is reporting that Dennis Rodman is still planning on traveling to North Korea next week to begin training North Korea’s basketball team, no one close to Rodman has seen him since the execution of Kim Jong Un’s uncle, Jang Song Thaek Friday.

Friends close to Rodman claim that he has not been heard from since early Friday morning, and his own personal trainer says he did not show up at the gym as usual Friday afternoon. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Thanksgiving Holiday Raises Age-Old Family Question: What is Football?

Thanksgiving Holiday Raises Age-Old Family Question: What is Football?

Aunt Marjorie is still at the table, Uncle Dave is in the den screaming about God knows what, and all the kids are jacked up on pumpkin pie. Yes, it’s football/Thanksgiving season once again.

But what is football? Some Americans call it “footy” but they are all promptly ridiculed and beaten by those who love them most. They want them to understand yardage, NFL Lines and why there are so many commercials. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Sports, Sportsfolk2 Comments

Page 1 of 41234
Glossy News Podcast



(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial