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Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (2/2)

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (2/2)

Last time:

But yes, HOSTILE TAKEOVERS ARE A BIG PROBLEM IN THE BUSINESS WORLD…

Not least because they can risk utterly destroying the personal reputation, or worse still, the business reputation of the person undertaking the purported hostile takeover in question.

In fact, that’s pretty much the only problem.

But it’s still a biggie.

Kind of.

Well, from a particular point of view, I guess.

Right?

Um, wrong?

Mitt Romney always like to clarify his positions, and ensure no-one interprets his views in a one-sided, dogmatic manner.

So, fair’s fair.

(Or is it?)

Either way, here’s what he has to say next.

Um, anyhoo, the best way to avoid the unfortunate and often undeserved stigma of being a “hostile takeover” merchant is to generally avoid hostility.

So if you are conducting a hostile takeover, make sure it’s not “really” a hostile takeover at all.

In fact, the stupid liberal media are unfairly and one-sidedly misrepresenting your beneficial efforts to increase the cash flow within a certain narrowly circumscribed (but not too narrowly circumscribed!) field of action.

So, whenever you pull up your car (try a less flashy or ostentatious one. Like, say, your fifteenth Mercedes Benz, or even a middle-grade limited edition Rolls Royce, at a push!)…

Yes, whenever you drive up to the jealous younger son or thwarted mistress of the company boss (make sure they own at least 40% shares and can offer you a reasonable quid pro quo for your tiresome tireless and disinterested efforts, of course)…

Well, whenever you approach them, don’t just bring your connoisseur’s classic semi-automatic rifle and scream:

Show me the goddamn money, you corrupt rival-corporation-owning bastards!

That’s not very pragmatically expedient. Instead, just offer them a nice cup of camomile tea, sit them down, bring some cookies…

Or even “biscuits” for extra genteel effect.

Or better still, flip-flops aside, some “beeskwee,” for added slick coastal sophistication, if they are actually slick coastal Demo-cronyist types.

And speak to them, warmly and invitingly, gently murmuring:

Look, my dear friend, I promise, hand on heart, I’m really NOT trying to sneak in and destroy my vicious, cruelly corrupt business competitors from the outside…

(I mean, all those for whom my darkened heart cherishes a burning, undying commercial hatred and competitive resentment)…

No, I just want a purely value-free and neutral objective exchange of purely-material-and-non-ethically-charged physical resources.

Like, money.

So if you do this, and you are still accused of a “hostile takeover,’ then at least you will have the warm consolation of knowing that the evil liberal media are twisting your words, yet again.

Purely because you are an actual, genuine, honest to God wealth creator and they’re not, and never will be!

Because, like Satan, they can only twist and manipulate and play with words, but they can’t actually do or create anything of value at all.

Conclusion?

Well, I thought this was a generally plausible and convincing book.

That is to say, it was very much in keeping with what I expected Romney to write.

But on the other hand, Donald Trump was horrified at Romney’s apparent sophistry.

What in the hell does he mean? ‘Personal reputation’ versus ‘business reputation?’ You mean, like there’s actually a difference?!

And Mike Huckabee, normally so easy to please, was not one bit impressed with this classic work of speculatively pious spiritual devotion.

Oh, come on! Would you trust this guy?

I mean, doesn’t Mitt Romney actually believe corporations are people?

Well…

Yes. Apparently he does.

Sorry. Not my problem!

 

 

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

Mitt Romney has released a new highly lucrative and highly non-ghostwritten handbook for businesspersons and 2016 GOP election frontrunners (insofar as there is a difference).

The text is made up of three very informed and erudite chapters:

Corporations are people.

No really, believe me, I swear I wouldn’t lie to you. Corporations are people.

FFS I swear I am just telling you the honest truth, they are, they are, they are! OHHH, they just frickin’ ARE, dammit!… Stupid, stupid, mainstream socialist jerks!!!

Here is an exclusive extract for all Glossy News readers, subtitled (but not ‘entitled!’): Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

Unsurprisingly, it turns out that the supposedly “right-wing” media in the UK has been infiltrated by malign and conspiratorial forces.

To wit, a vicious gang of far-left radical extremists™ who are attempting to destroy every last vestige of conservative, libertarian, classical liberal, theocratic and even any vaguely centre-leaning politics from the inside.

Rod Liddle murmurs:

Hey man, it was only meant to be a bit of a laugh. I’ve always had a soft spot for Old Labour.

I mean, all this time, I never intended to pander to Tories at all, let alone UKIP or BNP.

I mean, what I’m saying now is not that different from what us lefties were all saying a few decades back! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Psst! By the Way, the Flâneurs are Coming… ;)

Psst! By the Way, the Flâneurs are Coming… ;)

Hm… I should probably be just that little bit sneaky and conveniently forget that I’ve already told you this, but:

I am setting the price of The Great Flâneur Massacre at $2.99. Hm…

Originally said ‘intended to set,’ but I’m trying to keep on your toes, like all good flâneur-professors say when their words are challenged ;)

I believe this is a fair price to pay for a first novella; particularly one which my esteemed colleagues at Glossy News weren’t prepared to turn their noses up at, when I published two samples!

I mean, these guys sure know their David Mitchell from their David Hassellhoff, or their Noel Gallagher from their… um, Gallagher. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Education0 Comments

My Novella. The Glorious Day of Epic Flâneurie Draws Ever Closer

My Novella. The Glorious Day of Epic Flâneurie Draws Ever Closer

Just yesterday I said:

My ebook novella The Great Flâneur Massacre will also be released on this date, for the princely and extravagant sum of just about $3!

Oof! I just don’t know how the hell I get away with such ruthless marketing tactics. 3 whole dollars for a mere novella that might just be the greatest thing since Swifted Jonathans! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Entertainment0 Comments

Update on The Great Flâneur Massacre: Plus Two Free Books!

Update on The Great Flâneur Massacre: Plus Two Free Books!

To celebrate my self-publishing of my first extended work of fiction, The Great Flâneur Massacre, I am providing two free gifts to past, present and future readers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

Berke Breathed Breathes Life Again Into Bloom County

Berke Breathed Breathes Life Again Into Bloom County

Berke Breathed, beloved cartoonist of the once greatly beloved cartoon Bloom County, has returned from the dead……

Oh…..

Wait a moment……he wasn’t actually dead……..

He only stopped making his cartoon for TWENTY-FIVE YEARS!!!!!!!!!

Bloom County, once one of the most syndicated cartoons in the US back in the 1980’s, will be soon be showing its multicolored face in the funny papers again.

Wildly amusing and wildly drawn the series followed the equally wild adventures of Milo Bloom, a lost penguin named Opus and his side kick Bill the Cat.

Bill the Cat……..

If there ever was a unique cartoon character to illuminate the Sunday paper it was Bill the Cat. Combine the worst elements of every American cartoon cat there has ever been going all the way back to Krazy Kat when newspapers were born and you would produce Bill the Cat. And, yes, that includes and surpasses Garfield.

Both Otis and Bill the Cat became icons of the 1980’s. Otis’s homely and lovelorn images graced many a number of plush and plastic toys, his protuberance jutting outward into prominence (I’M TALKING ABOUT HIS NOSE!!!!!!!!). Bill the Cat brought such manginess to the Sunday funnies that you were afraid to touch the paper for fear of getting ringworm.

One wonders why Breathed would return to his long forgotten cartoon after so many decades.

He says he was inspired by Donald Trump’s running for President.

????????????????????????????????(very pregnant pause)???????????????????????????????

OK………………………..

Well, it’s nice to know that something good came out of Trump’s announcement of his running, other than it messing up the Republican platform real good. Not that they don’t deserve him.

I can very much imagine the humorous potential the great orange haired one can inspire in an artist. Like Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead Breathed has risen Bloom County back from the deceased.

One has to wonder what Breathed has been up to the past 25 years.
Rumors abound:

One has it that he ran off with Brooke Shields to a desert island and had twenty five years of endless sex in paradise. Or that could have just been the plot of a movie I saw once.

Another said that he had joined a cult that lived underground in bunkers with elaborate tunnels going in all directions in preparation for any number of possible holocaustic disasters. He only quit when he found out the latest tunnel he was digging was to free Pablo Guzman.

Yet another said he joined the circus and performed as a lion taming clown trapeze artist, but gave it up because it never had the satisfying wildness that his cartoons had.

Then there is the rumor that he locked himself inside his one bedroom apartment watching endless reruns of Seinfeld, Bugs Bunny, the Twilight Zone and Ice Station Zebra while eating a steady diet of cheese puffs until he went quietly mad and realized that his only back to sanity was through his artistry.

Take your pick.

Either way, Trump barging full force upon the political scene threw some switches in his soul and brought him back to reality and to modern American civilization. Let’s just hope the 25 years of being lost will not be too much of a shock to him. We all use cell phones now Berke and Captain Kangaroo is no longer on TV.

So, welcome back Berke! Nice to see you again! Be sure to bring Bill the Cat and Opus along with you!

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NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

Andromeda President: I don’t mind a few Milky Way types coming here the odd time, within reason, but they should bloody well accept the way we do things here!!!

Tearful Plutonian claims: My grandchildren are afraid of Neptunians who speak in senses they can’t understand!!! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 1. Such a Song and Dance!

The Great Flâneur Massacre: Novella Excerpt 1. Such a Song and Dance!

This is the first of two samples from my novella ‘The Great Flâneur Massacre.’

At the rather pompous academic conference which is the centrepiece of this novella in dramatic format, Stamford Rhodes (Stamp) has just presented a patronizing paper…

Where he makes clear his achingly noble desire to save Tibetans from themselves.

The very idea that not all Tibetans may agree with his criticisms of China just blows his mind! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

God Issues Defamation & Copyright Cease and Desist

God Issues Defamation & Copyright Cease and Desist

One tragic “unintended consequence” of the DMCA is that it has resulted in a currently unverified premature leak of a document God was planning to reveal to the world.

Or at least to those who had ears to hear.

I can’t say for sure if the following transcript is for real.

Still, I guess this is one of those things. You either believe it or you don’t.

Listen, everybody. Now, I’m a pretty nice person. I mean, there’s no one in this world who is more loving and generous than me! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Religionism0 Comments

Great Flâneur Massacre: Fictional Endorsements, Endorsements of Fiction (2/2)

Great Flâneur Massacre: Fictional Endorsements, Endorsements of Fiction (2/2)

Shhh. Don’t laugh. This is pretty damn serious stuff.

1.

Rob, Surname-Lacking and Achingly Committed Painfully Irritating Tenure-Cadger

“Relevant?” That’s a word people in power always use to dismiss me.

Endorsement from “Dr” Kent Hovind

Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Education0 Comments

Great Flâneur Massacre: Fictional Endorsements, Endorsements of Fiction (1/2)

Great Flâneur Massacre: Fictional Endorsements, Endorsements of Fiction (1/2)

I’ve already posted once on GlossyNews about The Great Flâneur Massacre.

And also on my satire blog: here and here. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Top Stories0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened -Part 6

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened -Part 6

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
Part 6
(A serial book excerpt)

In previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

READ THEM HERE: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Serious Commentary2 Comments

Preview for Self-Published Play: “The Great Flâneur Massacre.”

Preview for Self-Published Play: “The Great Flâneur Massacre.”

The TM-sphere has been abuzz with speculation on the novella in quasi-dramatic form that Mr TM is due to self-publish in the near future.

(Well, June, actually. But then, why should Mr TM tell you the exact date at this stage? That would spoil all the fun; or Mr TM’s fun, in any case; which is not an entirely inconsequential consideration, after all).

However, the Malign-Forces-of-International-Creative-Transparency-Fundamentalism may be somewhat disappointed, that Mr TM’s first fairly lengthy work will be released under a pseudonym, and not under his real name. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest1 Comment

Publication of “The Brian Williams Story” Nixed

Publication of “The Brian Williams Story” Nixed

Excerpts from “The Brian Williams Story”, a rumored biography that will now apparently never see print:

November 9, 1989
“All I can say is that it was an honor and a thrill to be the only major American news anchor on site when the Berlin Wall fell. It was a combination of good luck and astute planning that put me there that night so that I could report this major event back home to our NBC viewing audience. Or maybe it was Tom Brokaw. The important thing is that we were there.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Television0 Comments

Harper Lee to publish sci-fi inspired “To Kill a Mockingbird” sequel

Harper Lee to publish sci-fi inspired “To Kill a Mockingbird” sequel

Over 50 years after her last novel, it was announced today that reclusive author Harper Lee will have a new title gracing bookshelves later this year.

Mockingbird II: The Revenge is currently set for a blockbuster Summer 2015 release. Asked why the decision to release a sequel now after so many years, Lee responded simply with the word, “cash.”

A graphic companion novel entitled 2 Kill 2 Mockingbirdz is also rumored to be in the works, as well as a Mockingbird-themed mobile app for iOS and Android. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Talky Pictures1 Comment

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