American Cow Pie

Authors Note:

This is a Parody of Don Mclean’s Classic American Pie. I wrote this during the financial crisis at the beginning of the Obama Administration. It’s interesting to look back at how much has changed, and yet, how little has changed. Same old divisive America. I will soon follow up with an updated version of this parody if you’d like.  Let me know in the coments below.

Note from Wallace (editor):

I couldn’t find a non-pirated version of the original, so here is the best I could get. Hope some of you will still enjoy it!

 

Long, long time ago. I can still remember

The Revolution used to make me smile.

I knew that if we had our chance

That we could take this nation back

And maybe we could limp on for a while.

The PATRIOT act made me shiver

Our nation’s fate signed sealed delivered

Bad news on the doorstep

I wouldn’t take one more step.

 

I had the urge to run and hide

When they crumbled up our bill of rights

They’ll come and take you in the night

You’re jailed without a trial

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Red Flag Alert! The 5 Idiotic Words That Infallibly PROVE Your Relationship is a Non-Starter!

How many times have you looked back at a failed relationship and realised you just didn’t read the signs of the times? Some people just don’t learn; but I’m hear to tell y’all exactly what you DON’T want to hear. Sure, ignore my words… Your funeral! Yer welcome!

1. I don’t really mind whether we get married or not; as long as we’re together, that’s the main thing!

 

TRANSLATION: Read more Red Flag Alert! The 5 Idiotic Words That Infallibly PROVE Your Relationship is a Non-Starter!

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Anti-Corporate Propaganda is Real! Here’s the REAL Truth About Hot-Dogs & Chicken Nuggets the Vegan MSM is Hiding!

NOTE FROM WALLACE:
Haters gonna hate, but they also gonna LIE, flat out, about the wondrous world of junk food!
Have you not had enough of all the horrible anti-corporate propaganda against noble, self-sacrificing enterprises like Starbucks and McDonalds?
Well, here’s your chance to see the REAL truth about the gorgeous junk food the haters are lying about.
Hot dogs are fattening?
FAKE NEWS!
Chicken nuggets are cobbled together from the worst conceivable innards of the chicken?
FAKE NEWS!
The mainstream media would never lie to us about so-called ‘junk food,’ right?!
FAKE NEWS!
Remember to watch these videos, and then share ’em! Don’t let the MSM get away with lying about our junk food!

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Cheez-Its, the Nutritious New Superfood Everyone’s Raving About! (Glossy News Video)

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

They’re nutritious and delicious! Never mind what raw food humping organic freegan zealots tell you… Cheez-Its are the real deal! If tomato ketchup is a vegetable, then why can’t Cheez-Its be the edgy new superfood du jour as well???

Watch this exciting Bobby Joe mockumentary, and find out how Cheez-Its done be MADE! T’simple!

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It’s a Conspiracy! Bradlee Scott’s Cosmic Squid Handlers are the Real Reason for His ‘Mysterious’ Success…

NOTE FROM WALLACE:
Remember wacko David Icke and the Lizard Men?

This is the guy that featured at the beginning of that creepy Vinnie Paz conspiracy video!

Former soccer player and current Nu Age conspiracy loon David Icke said the following stirring words: Read more It’s a Conspiracy! Bradlee Scott’s Cosmic Squid Handlers are the Real Reason for His ‘Mysterious’ Success…

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3 Bangin’ New Videos: Plus a Sexually Frustrated Troll in the Comments Section! (WTF?!)

I’ve been hustling like for a while, and despite zero budget for ads, YES my video channel IS coming on, although I plan to get some graphics and music intro stuff soon too!
Thanks so much for all the thumbs-up, comments, shares, email recommendations, word of mouth, and of course, your brilliant WATCHES!
Please do subscribe, and tell your friends as well.
And most importantly of all: do keep watching!
After these videos, I’ve got something ‘mildly amusing’ (or not?! Depends on your sense of humour, I suppose). I got fapzoned by an Alt-Right troll. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t let me have much fun with him :((((((((((

Wisdom and Love

Read more 3 Bangin’ New Videos: Plus a Sexually Frustrated Troll in the Comments Section! (WTF?!)

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WTF?! Top 5 Brexit Conspiracy Theories: Which One Did YOU Fall For?! Click & Share!

What Brexit is, and What it Isn’t!

Don’t be fooled by Project Fear.

They are all pillars of the mainstream CENTRIST establishment. Brexit, or if you will, REAL Brexit, the one so many, many, untold millions have had in mind for really quite a very long time indeed, is NOT:

1. A Right-Wing Plot.

There are plenty of counter-examples to conspiracy theory #1. You may like Jeremy Corbyn, George Galloway, Neil Clark and so many, many others; you may not. Either way, the evidence is clear: Brexit is only sectarian if you want to MAKE it sectarian.

Read more WTF?! Top 5 Brexit Conspiracy Theories: Which One Did YOU Fall For?! Click & Share!

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Happy Belated Birthday Greetings to Our Sikh Friends!

I don’t know how many Sikh readers we have, but I would hope we have quite a few! Recently, it was the birthday of Guru Nanak, the first of the ten Sikh gurus; also the first of the nine human gurus (this is interesting; if you are not a Sikh, you can research this!)

We at Glossy News wish our Sikh friends well, and we hope your humane and noble faith will continue to shine a little light on our darkened world!

Burn worldly love,
Rub the ashes and make ink of it,
Make the heart the pen,
The intellect the writer,
Write that which has no end or limit

Guru Nanak

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Sexiest Youtube Channel Ever! Join the Runnymede Revolution. Subscribe Before I’m Finally Executed!

No, I haven’t got my kit off…

Yet.

Oh, however will you cope!

But here are some pretty damn ‘bijiao sexual’ videos of mine on the Youtube!

(If you don’t know what ‘bijiao sexual’ means, ask Captain Marriott! If you never studied with me, I supposed you won’t know, will ya???)

First of all:

Heavy Like a Bomb, Brussels Come ’n’ Get it On!

Brussels bureaucrats may have the best uniforms (or at least the best floppy pudding bowl haircuts and mismatch shoes!), but the Royal Air Force haven’t had any remotely serious workout since we dealt out a well deserve “Nazi Genocide” to the pathetic armalites merchants of Dresden!

Is it finally time to go full John McCain on ol’ Murkybums; Viertel Reich? Is it time for Desovietisation 2.0? Ironically enough (at least in the Alanis Morissette sense of the word), we have some wise words from our old friend the Chairman; plus Slavoj Zizek!

Theresa May, the Human Dumpster Fire!

Read more Sexiest Youtube Channel Ever! Join the Runnymede Revolution. Subscribe Before I’m Finally Executed!

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My Exciting New Youtube Channel! Please Subscribe Now! (May MUST Go!)

Whew! Can you believe I finally got my camera working! Turns out I needed the proper camera software; not just the driver!

Anyway, it’s finally done now! The picture is actually cleaner than I thought, although not the most vibrant; and I didn’t even need to plug my microphone in, although I need to be careful to speak up, because there were a few words that are perhaps a little unclear in this five minute video; not bad for a first effort though, right?

May Muss Weg, as the Germans s…

Oh wait, was that Merkel?

Never mind, we’re all a bit confused nowadays. Please do drop a like, and also, it’s very helpful if you share it! I hope to one day get to the point where I can get all my non-accommodation expenses from passive income! But I won’t be monetising the Youtube channel, if at all, until quite a while from now! Enjoy this exciting ad-free experience!

UPDATE (19 NOV 2018: The video about to follow had some minor sound problems. It is my first video after all. So please consider watching the second version, which immediately follows it in this article. The latter is more detailed, aside from avoiding the minor sound errors of the first version. The good news, I have only had ONE video on my new channel with that many unclear words or sentences. Result!)

And here’s the better version:

Read more My Exciting New Youtube Channel! Please Subscribe Now! (May MUST Go!)

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Fun Any Time Of The Year – Specialty Haunted Houses

In the latest craze to hit the horror fan crowd are Haunted Houses designed for very specific groups. Each is tailor made to scare the bone marrow out of their target audience-

Gun Nut Horror House- Specially made to scare the beejeebees out of gun nuts everywhere. Projectors flicker images of headlines across the walls of pending legislation to control guns in different regions of the U.S.. A special theater constantly shows films in which gun wielders are done in by people, soldiers, mutants, monsters, space aliens, super heroes, etcetera who wipe them out with advanced technology or brute strength. For those with a survivalist bent there are also films in which an environmental, interplanetary, viral etc. disaster wipes out mankind including themselves. This house is enough to leave even the meanest cowboy trembling in his boots.

Liberal Horror House- Horrors of a Republican dominated government are the main theme of this scary house. Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole and Ann Coulter disguised zombies roam the halls terrorizing the Democratic pure of heart and munching on whatever brains they might have. The terror of hanging chads, redistricted neighborhoods, anti abortion laws and Scott Walker Presidential nominations are enough to give any liberal nightmares. Especially horrifying is Sean Hannity garbed as Dracula with a thirst for blue blood. FOX News provides the background soundbites. Read more Fun Any Time Of The Year – Specialty Haunted Houses

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Hallowe’en is Gone, But the Spooks are Still Here! You’ll Never Believe What this Haunted House Has in Store! (GN Videos)

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

Hallowe’en is gone, but did you think we’d let you away that easily?

Now THIS is spooky! Brian and the kids went to Wild Waves, and it sounds like it was a pretty chilling experience.

Watch out!

Read more Hallowe’en is Gone, But the Spooks are Still Here! You’ll Never Believe What this Haunted House Has in Store! (GN Videos)

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Just In Time For Halloween! – A Tour Of The Saudi Consulate In Istanbul (aka ‘Middle-Eastern Torture Chamber’)


Here we go boys and girls! A fun and horror filled tour awaits at the notorious Saudi Arabian Consulate in Istanbul, now infamous for the mysterious disappearance of Saudi dissident journalist Jamal Khashoggi last week. Mr. Khashoggi entered there to take care of business, never to come back out again. It appears that the Saudi monarchy decided to take care of its business with Mr. Khashoggi once and for all, and it wasn’t particularly diplomatic. Now, to make up for losses, the building owners have decided to cash in on the notoriety and make it into a haunted house for Halloween for all the Western tourists coming into the country.

Be sure to see all these attractions inside the compound – Read more Just In Time For Halloween! – A Tour Of The Saudi Consulate In Istanbul (aka ‘Middle-Eastern Torture Chamber’)

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