Thousands of Middle Class Americans Storm Mexican Border Seeking Better Life.

A major melee occurred today on the American/Mexican border as thousands of middle class Americans stormed the fences and barricades separating them from Central American soil. Overwhelmed and surprised Mexican border guards at first tried to halt the massive human avalanche, but eventually were forced back by the sheer numbers of Yankees seeking a better life for themselves. The few who who were actually detained or got legal entry visas stated that their intent was actually to travel through Mexico to Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador to grab the lands left behind by those who had fled to the United States.

As the day went on Mexican Special Agents were able to put together a picture of what the migrant caravan was all about. Disgruntled working class and middle level Americans were tired of watching their fortunes and incomes dwindle as the upper classes gained heavily in finances and power in what used to be the ‘Greatest Country On Earth’ according to some time eroded legend. Like their fore-bearers before them, these ‘modern pioneers’ want to take over new lands and new frontiers where a person could start life afresh on fertile lands that held the promise of prosperity. The farms and homes abandoned by the multitudes swarming the US borders from Central America were seen as fair game to the Yanks since the prior inhabitants seemed to have no hesitations in assaulting the US borders with impunity.

“We are just seeking a better future for ourselves.” said Homer Grainier to NPR reporter Pashran Leftdelhi just the other side of the Rio Grande in Laredo, Mexico. “These refugees to the U.S. left behind their farms and homes in the cities to come leech off of America, so I say it is fair for us to come down and take over what they left behind. I think we can do a better job of it and have insight into how to make things prosper which they didn’t”.

When asked how they would deal with the gangs and the violence that supposedly caused the original inhabitants to flee, many answered that half the claims were bogus and also that the new white immigrants where armed with specially armed drones and guns. “We came prepared to fight the way our forefathers fought off the British in the beginning of our country.” stated Alan Bushwhacker from southern Chicago. “Plus we know a few things about gangs ourselves.” It has been noted that a goodly number of the illegal US immigrants are former Gulf War veterans. “ We know how to take care of ourselves and, especially how to take care of terrorists, whether Arabic speaking or Spanish speaking!”

A number of gringos stopped in Mexico to put down roots. “They got so much land here they ain’t using!” commented Bernard Acregrabber. “We in America know how to use land. And we know about oil, the one thing Mexico is rich with. Of course, the big boys really dominate it here in Aztec land, but we can see about changing that.” Acregrabber winked. “We should have thought of this a long time ago. Mexico could have been our 51st state.”

Some were asked whether they were renouncing the US. A common answer was uttered by Alvin Teeparty who said “I’m not going to bother Making America Great Again For Billionaires, I’m going to make my own 10 acres great for me and my family, thank you!” When asked whether they would seek proper asylum, a unanimous answer from many was “Hell no! The ones whose farms we’re taking over now have my old job at the assembly plant!”

Share

End of the Blue Pill! Chilly Willy Comin’ Atcha! Catch it Now (GN Video)

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

Human body shapes are incredibly diverse and beautiful: think Jabba the Hutt, the Orcs of Middle Earth, and even our good old fat supremacist buddies like Tess Holliday!

So it’s only fair that I give y’all a chance to celebrate the range of penis size and shapes out there. If you thought ‘sexy dice’ were the next BIG thing (LULZ! Oh, really?!)…

Yer wrong, wrong, WRONG!

Kind of.

Well, I guess it depends, doesn’t it?

Hey, I ain’t gonna judge.

;)

MUCH! :P

Don’t forget to nuke that goddamn subscribe button too!

 

Share

What’s Better than a Good Game of Dice? A SEXY Dice! (Glossy News Video)

INTRO FROM WALLACE:

If you’re a gambling man (or woman), we all know the smooth, speedy, exhilarating rush of blood to the head that only gambling (and certain other things) can provide!

Like sex.

And more sex.

And more dice.

And, er…

SEXY DICE?!

Well, anyhoo! Watch the video, because this is a real eye-opener!

PROBABLY safe for work.

I mean like, y’know…

Jussayin.

Tara f’now!

LULZ!

— Wallace

Image from Erik Stein, Pixabay.

Share

Click, Watch, Share! The Most Memorable Glossy News 4k Podcasts (I)

Although Brian has a general Youtube channel for Glossy News, you can actually see, share and shhhhhenjoy some of the best Glossy News stuff at the parallel 4k Podcast channel!

1. Humor and Head-Stuff!

First of all, here’s an important interview with the multitalented Dan Geddes of The Satirist!

2. Lock, Stock & Two Blazing Headpieces!

Read more Click, Watch, Share! The Most Memorable Glossy News 4k Podcasts (I)

Share

How to Share Satire Effectively on Social Media! A Guide For Glossy News Readers

We’ve all been there.

We pummel and pummel and pummel, but nothing seems to work.

How can we become more effective at promoting our work?

There is no magic bullet, but I’m going to give you at least a few ideas.

There’s plenty more that could be said, but maybe next time!

Do you have any good ideas yourself?

Please leave your thoughts below, in the comment section.

Also, feel free to email the Managing Editor at any time: wallacerunnymede @ gmail.com (minus the spaces!)

Old Guard & New Guard

Read more How to Share Satire Effectively on Social Media! A Guide For Glossy News Readers

Share

Donate to World 4 Washington Now! Let’s Halt the Economic Genocide of US Federal Workers!

Please show your compassion and open your hearts to the oppressed federal workers of the United States Government.
Although it’s hard to believe: even prior to the far right government shutdown, many destitute, impoverished, borderline penniless federal workers were scraping by on just $37 a day!
That’s even less than the miniscule, ludicrous sum of $6000 a month you would get if you rounded up to the nearest thousand!
Imagine the constant terror of starvation and homelessness.

How would you feed your family?
How would you be able to go on, knowing all you had to live for was a life of constant despair and misery? Remember, $37 dollars an hour is ONLY JUST enough to buy:
A few weeks of electricity.
Several pizzas.
A bottle of champagne.
A few dozen cans of beer.
A few hours of gasoline.
An engagement ring for your fiance.
Several months of landline or phone credit.
An annual subscription or two to Pornhub (or so our sources tell us).

Can you imagine if this was all you could earn in a hour?
Just multiply that utterly paltry sum by 20, or 30, or 40; can you imagine ANYTHING more horrifically exploitative, abusive and outright genocidal?
Please send $37 000 of your hard earned cash to World 4 Washington, via Western Union, and stand up for the oppressed heroes who are courageously suffering and enduring under the fascist dictator Donald Trump’s economic genocide of our hardworking US federal workers.
Be there for them, just when they need you most!

Share this now, and don’t let the orange darkness win!

Share