The Knives of Athenry: A Far from Humorous Satire on ‘The Fields of Athenry’ (NSFW)

By a lonely Irish ward, I heard an infant wailing
“Mammy, they said they’re taking me away,
For the people repealed the 8th
To be cut in pieces is my fate
Mammy, save me, or I’ll never see the light of day!”

Cruel, cold, the knives of Athenry
Where mothers see their terrified infants die!
In this extermination wing
There are no dreams or songs left to sing Read more The Knives of Athenry: A Far from Humorous Satire on ‘The Fields of Athenry’ (NSFW)

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No Hate, No Fear! The Heartwarming Story of One Courageous Athlete Sex Offender who Rose Above the Stigma!

LAKEWOOD—A Lakewood High School multi-sport star athlete is facing charges of sexual assault following an incident alleged to have occurred in October, 2018.

Joshua “Dusty” Delroy appeared in court for his indictment surrounded by family and members of the three Lakewood High athletic programs he has led to multiple AAA state titles.

The indictment filed earlier this week contains numerous graphic details that brought Dusty’s parents to tears when read aloud in court. Dusty himself, who has been described by his coaches as “the second coming of Jim Thorpe, we’re talking both skill and athleticism in spades,” remained upbeat throughout the proceedings.

When Judge Kellog gave Dusty an opportunity to make a statement on the record, the striking young man thanked his fans, teammates, teachers, and college scouts that came out to support him and discuss early-enrollment scholarship options. “As a year-round athlete, leader, and co-president of my class, I’ve never felt so loved by my community as I have after being charged with multiple counts of sexual assault,” Dusty said… Read more No Hate, No Fear! The Heartwarming Story of One Courageous Athlete Sex Offender who Rose Above the Stigma!

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EDGY POEM! Spacking Out (Autism v Artistry, The Light Side of a Dark Affliction!)

My jeans are on backwards and tattered legs
Not quite a six-pack, more of a party keg
Don’t need a wingman, don’t need no aid
Think I’ll just sit at home and write dystopia instead

If you think my eyes are brilliant, my rhetoric dazzling
Don’t get too excited love, cos I’m already spazzing
Haven’t even got as far as asking your name
All these scary randos look the fuckin same

Nice shoes, bro! Another lass she flirts
She sees them furrows frown as my gangsta powers revert
Boys don’t take compliments no more! In disgust she moans
She’s getting better action with that chuffin’ feather duster way back ‘ome! Read more EDGY POEM! Spacking Out (Autism v Artistry, The Light Side of a Dark Affliction!)

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New AG Barr to Charge “Oxy Doc” with 200,000 Counts of Manslaughter

Washington, DC – A spokesperson for recently confirmed US Attorney General William Barr, acknowledged on Saturday, plans by the US Attorneys office to file 200,000 counts of manslaughter against Purdue Pharma executive, Dr. Richard Sackler, whose most popular product, OxyContin, has been identified as one of the main contributors to the nation’s opioid epidemic.

“There is an opioid epidemic that has swept across this nation over the last 20 years.” Attorney General spokesperson Janna Davis told reporters from the steps of the District Courthouse in Washington DC. “It has resulted in the deaths of over 200,000 Americans, and there is no sign the situation is improving. AG Barr recognizes this situation for what it is… corporate sponsored manslaughter. We have identified the individual who we feel has been the largest contributor to this epidemic, and have every intention of prosecuting this person to the greatest extent of the law. Dr. Sackler… we’re coming for you.”

Read more New AG Barr to Charge “Oxy Doc” with 200,000 Counts of Manslaughter

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The 10 Commandments As Rewritten by ISIS.

What might be surprising to many is that the Muslim religion actually considers the Bible to be a Holy book and a source of prophecy. However, the more extreme elements of Mohammedanism have rewritten certain famous aspects of the Old Testament to better reflect their version of Islam. For instance, take a look at how they commandeered the 10 Commandments-

The Ten Commandment as originally written in the Bible:

I am the Lord thy god.
1.- Ye shall have no other gods before me.
2.- Ye shall have no other graven images or likenesses.
3.- Ye shall not take the Lord’s name in vain.
4.- Remember the Sabbath Day.
5.- Honor thy father and thy mother.
6.-Thou shalt not kill.
7.- Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8.- Thou shalt not steal.
9.- Thou shalt not bear false witness (lie).
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors belongings.

The Ten Commandments as re-written by ISIS:

We are the Lords over you whether you like it or not.

1.- No other gods- we will slay them and you.

2.- No graven images or likenesses- we need to loot these to sell to collectors.

3- Do not take the Lord’s name in vain, or ours for that matter. Unless you like having your tongue cut out, of course.

4.-Remember the Sabbath day- We won’t be working that day but you have to since you are now our slaves.

5.- Honor thy father and thy mother- even if we did execute them.

6.- Thou shalt not kill us. But we can kill whoever we damn well please because we are holy men.

7.- You cannot commit adultery, but we will rape your sister in the name of Allah.

8.- Thou shalt not steal, but we need to finance our terrorism so for us it is OK.

9.-Thou shalt not bear false witness (lie), but the only lie we do is believing we are doing the will of God.

10.- Thou shalt not covet whatever you want but it is OK for us to steal because we are the chosen Ones and all else are infidels, even the Muslims who fight against us. Therefore it is OK for us to take anything we want.

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Satirism or Satyrism?

I have an uncontrollable need to make fun of everybody while engaging in habitual and indiscriminate sex. I always liked it when a one nighter would say, “Hey, you’re a funny fucker.” But when it finally struck me as odd that I was ridiculing people during the very act of trying to make more of them, what I had assumed was a compliment now sounded more like a diagnosis.

Satyrism is the compulsive need to have sex in a man. Which has to be a typo because I have never wanted to have sex in a man. I prefer to have it in a woman. But if you switch out man for woman in the definition it made me sound like a nymphomaniac. Which I am not.

And let’s face it, satirism is the obsessive need to make fun of people. To say cruel things, turning our targets into mere caricatures and then viciously harpooning them. Our tools are exaggeration, derision, distortion and misrepresentation. And we, as a group, are quite mean when you think about it. Our only excuse is that with current events being what they are its obvious mental illness is enjoying a new found popularity. On both ends of the spear. Read more Satirism or Satyrism?

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Early Session with a Classical Viennese Analyst

Thankfully most of life‘s relationships are familiar, defined by some conventional guidelines, and therefore carried on with some sense that one knows what one should be doing. Right from the cradle we fall into family relationships quite naturally, as easily as we later learn how to converse with friends, spouses, coworkers, lawyers, doctors, etc. Whatever the degree of intimacy or harmony, we can depend on certain basic ground rules of the relationship.

There are also certain relationships for which neither God, nor parents, nor Emily Post has prepared us. One of these, and perhaps it even heads the list, is that totally unique relationship between patient and psychiatrist. Here you are truly on your own. Read more Early Session with a Classical Viennese Analyst

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