Posted on 25 July 2014.
FLORENCE, Ariz. (GlossyNews) — A government think tank has come up with a novel idea to ensure there are no more botched executions like the one that occurred this week in Arizona. States have traveled a long and winding road to find alternatives after a shortage of standard execution drugs. This shortage was created by European drug manufacturers banging their opposition to capital punishment like a cowbell. Thus far, States have been unsuccessful in finding suitable alternatives as exemplified by West Virginia’s “meth, gun powder and white lightening” concoction that just seems to make the condemned more hostile than usual. Continue Reading
Posted in Health, Science, Top Stories
Posted on 08 July 2014.
Oberlin, OH — Annabel Smith, local 2 year old, coos as she goes through her mother’s iPhone, the screen illuminating her round face.
The iPhone is well equipped with several apps specifically for babies, such as Dora’s Ballet Adventure, and thousands of Anabel’s “selfies”. Continue Reading
Posted in Kidz Zone, Technology
Posted on 05 July 2014.
Damascus, Iowa – A new line of products released by Pet Food Enterprises, Inc., that was intended to provide humor and admiration over the recent extinction of Olive Garden restaurants and the late breadsticks offered complimentary with the purchase of any entrée, has completely backfired. Continue Reading
Posted in Human Interest, Science & Technologizzy
Posted on 29 June 2014.
Social media has blown up with images of an actual box of American made pork product, the “Boneless Pork Rectum, Inverted”. We take you inside this unusual treat.
Boneless means without bone. Pork is the industry term for pig products. A rectum, well, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much and it’s daddy’s birthday. Oh, never mind, I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Continue Reading
Posted in Biz News, Health
Posted on 28 June 2014.
When I went to book my upcoming trip I found the best deal at Travelocity.com, but at what price? The answer may surprise you.
It sure as hell surprised me, and perhaps not in the good way.
I booked a one-stop flight for a competitive $1,118, only to find two days later that it wasn’t simply booked for the wrong days, but the entire wrong months. I should have caught this in booking, but I didn’t, and since a few minutes past 24-hours had passed, it was not eligible for cancellation. Continue Reading
Posted in Biz News, Travel
Posted on 27 June 2014.
San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for decades. Continue Reading
Posted in Human Interest
Posted on 25 June 2014.
Rio Linda, CA – People have excuses for everything. For years, kids have notoriously used the well-known excuse, “My dog ate my homework”, when wanting to excuse why they didn’t do their homework. Continue Reading
Posted in Human Interest, Society
Posted on 25 June 2014.
A young Brazilian boy, accused of stealing a simple joke from his classmate and friend, was found hanged in front of his home, a pile of human shit piled against one another.
The young boy’s mother was left crying her tears out, but none of it mattered, for the people were too busy stealing from one another and justifying them with “justice”. Continue Reading
Posted in Crime, World News
Posted on 24 June 2014.
The word is out on Nevada renegade cattle rancher Cliven Bundy. Recent evidence has shown that the cantankerous old cow rebel who refused to pay the government for using BLM land for grazing is actually a front man for Russian President Putin’s plot to covertly seize American land. In one fell swoop Bundy has gone from being the ‘patriotic’ symbol of a true American to being the worst sort of communist.
RIGHT: Bubba and Igor. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com. Continue Reading
Posted in Strange People
Posted on 23 June 2014.
After Congress presented the U.S with a bill called “HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE”, the corporation responsible for distributing the Hispanic culture’s entertainment programs on television, Univision, was declared bankrupt, leaving thousands in ruin and on the streets.
One man, Felipe Pancho Francisco Guadalupe Hidalgo de la Rosa, told us that “ever since the banning, my wife and kids have been spending their time outside of the kitchen and socializing with people. It’s horrible.” Continue Reading
Posted in Strange People, Television
Posted on 17 June 2014.
(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was observed cracking corn and repeatedly asked to stop, but refused.
“I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking corn in front of everybody like a mad man,” said one witness who testified against Jimmy. “If you want to crack corn, that’s your own business, but you shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff in public!” he said. Continue Reading
Posted in Society, Strange People
Posted on 12 June 2014.
Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”.
When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded by stating, “Hey, at least it wasn’t in the back.”
The judge was surprised by their testimonies and decided to let them go off with a warning, only if they promised to never do it again. Continue Reading
Posted in Crime, Internets Tubes
Posted on 10 June 2014.
The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky.
It is estimated that since the Church of Scientology is currently the popular religion, millions of little boys are at risk of getting their assholes pounded like a bunch of monkeys at the local zoo. Continue Reading
Posted in Crime, Religionism
Posted on 06 June 2014.
Gun Rights Activists flaunting their 2nd Amendment rights were in the right place at the right time yesterday when they courageously exchanged gunfire in a Houston based Sonic fast food restaurant and saved several restaurant goers the fate of high cholesterol and clogged arteries. Continue Reading
Posted in Crime, Strange People
Posted on 01 June 2014.
SAN DIEGO, CA. The brutal conflict between traditional, moderate fitness aficionados at franchise gyms and the growing radical Crossfit movement escalated tragically yesterday, as a suicide bomb exploded in a 24-Hour Fitness in the LaJolla neighborhood of San Diego, killing 5 and wounding 12.
The alleged perpetrator, Johhny “Burpee” Lawrence, 26, was a member of Crossfit Jihad, a militant fitness group known to meet in an extremist training facility, or what is called a “box” in Crossfit doctrine. Lawrence’s “box” trained in the garage of a local leader, or “coach,” Mick McAllister. Continue Reading
Posted in Health, Religionism
Posted on 01 June 2014.
ORLANDO — A Jesus look-alike was arrested today for violating the Orlando city ordinance against feeding homeless people. Jesús Christos, 33, of Kissimmee, is now being held in Orlando City Jail.
RIGHT: Also suspected of turning water into wine for his underage friends. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com.
Orlando Police said that early yesterday afternoon Christos began speaking to a small group of twelve friends in Lake Eola park. Slowly, a crowd gathered to listen to Christos’ message of love, forgiveness and social justice. Continue Reading
Posted in Crime, Religionism