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Statistics Show 85% of Men Would Rather Play Mobile Games than Go Out with In-laws

Statistics Show 85% of Men Would Rather Play Mobile Games than Go Out with In-laws

A recent study conducted by South Central Louisiana State University has found that the vast majority of men would rather play games on their mobile phone devices than spend quality time with their in-laws.

The shocking findings released this week challenge previously held beliefs about boyfriends’ and husbands’ intrinsic desire to spend most weekends and holidays in the company of their partners’ parents. Continue Reading

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Zombie Apocalypse lasts for 3 minutes

Zombie Apocalypse lasts for 3 minutes

Washington, D.C.- Following an alarming number of calls to the CDC, FBI, and NSA, security analyst have concluded that the zombie apocalypse came and went without any causalities and $0 in property damage.

Current Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, spoke on the matter, “Around 5:03 a.m. eastern standard time, a zombie uprising started near Deer Lick, Kentucky. The uprising promptly ended 3 minutes later, apparently due to the fact that zombies lack muscle tissue.”
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Posted in Health, World News0 Comments

Fact-Checking Sarah Palin’s Incomprehensible Speech

Fact-Checking Sarah Palin’s Incomprehensible Speech

Sarah Palin was invited to spew a lahar of molten cuckoo at the Iowa Freedom Summit, proudly sponsored by Citizens United. She did not fail to fail to impress.

I took it upon myself to fact-check her statements, and there was such a steady flow of crazy magma that I had to cut it off around six minutes, saving the rest for another day.

Apparently the Wicked Witch of the Arctic’s teleprompter broke a few minutes in, so she did what she does best: wing it and hope people will take her seriously. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People1 Comment

Repentant Paisley’s Heterophobic Hate Campaign

Repentant Paisley’s Heterophobic Hate Campaign

Disclaimer: Earlier version published on TheSpoof.com. I’ve now come round to a more enlightened view of the sensitive matters in question ;)

Given the passing some months ago of Lord Bannside, it’s only fair that I inform you about one of the last interviews conducted with him…

In order to straighten me out set the record straight. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Life…

Life…

Life- An annoying thing that happens when you wake up in the morning.

Life- The commitment you don’t remember having agreed to.

Life- 16 hours you have to live through before you can go back to bed again.

Life- A pain in the ass that doesn’t limit itself to just that area.

Life- A journey on a sea of unknown depths.

Life- Two third of a day that it takes one third of a night to recover from.

Life- A scream just waiting to happen.

Life- God’s way of getting even with us.

Life- The thing they don’t teach us about in school. Or warn us about.

Life- A bad dream that doesn’t stop when you wake up.

Life- That solid sock in the gut that lets you know you are alive.

Life- A swim in an ocean of limited visibility.

Life- A running race that apparently has no rules or borders but a very definite finish line.

Life- A screaming headache that begins when you wake up and doesn’t shut up until you finally fall asleep.

Life- A waking nightmare until sleep comes to claim you again.

Life- Like being born again every morning only messier.

Life- Like the movie Groundhog Day only you don’t need 3-D glasses to make it more realistic.

Life- Who says Hell comes AFTER you die?

Life- The one thing even the best drugs or booze can’t blot out.

Life- Like those dreams where you fall off a cliff and don’t hit bottom except you do.

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Posted in Society, The Rest0 Comments

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (2/2)

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (2/2)

Previously, as a non-Muslim, I raised the question of the distinction between a living letter and prophet, and a dead letter and prophet.

And I’m not so much attempting to intrude from the outside of Islam, to set a “program” or “plan” for the religion…

But I am raising some questions that are fairly broad in scope, and no doubt apply to other religions too. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (1/2)

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (1/2)

Disclaimer: This is less “humorous” than my usual work (apart from some cheeky memes!), but is not intended as “po-faced” or “solemn.”

I’m not suggesting a program or plan for Muslims or non-Muslims, satirists or non-satirists.

I’m mainly trying to clarify my own thoughts to myself, posing some very current questions; hoping some individuals, (whoever you may be), may find these ideas intriguing, and worth reflecting upon. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

You Too Can Look Like a Real Hotshot – Just Follow These 5 Easy Steps!

You Too Can Look Like a Real Hotshot – Just Follow These 5 Easy Steps!

Whether you’ve been invited to speak at an upcoming conference, gotten the green light from a hard-to-reach publisher, or secured a coveted spot on your company’s “About Us” page, the professional bio will be a critical component of how you appear to the public.

Unfortunately, many people are completely at sea when it comes to writing about themselves. Their worries reach a fever pitch when they realize that this important summary of achievements must be, at the same time, impressive but humble, thorough and concise, confident yet respectful… the list goes on! Continue Reading

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Posted in Society1 Comment

UK: No, Not All Anti-Fascists Are Equal

UK: No, Not All Anti-Fascists Are Equal

Unparliamentary Fanaticism

The tragic fact is that in the United Kingdom, as in many other countries, there is a fascist presence.

However, fascist parties are fringe organizations; not least in terms of their electoral power.

Yes… over here, it is not merely “bad dinner party conversation” for goose-stepping eagle-polishers to talk about their BNP or National Front membership…

Rather, it is likely to lose them their entire reputation (such as it may be). Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream

On January 19th, this nation will celebrate Martin Luther King Day. The iconic civil rights leader would have been 86 this year. On a swelteringly hot day in August 1963, Reverend King delivered one of the greatest oratories in American history – his famously inspiring “I have a dream” speech, which he delivered from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

While I don’t claim to possess Mr. King’s eloquence, I too have a dream. And it’s very personal. With your permission, I would like to share it with you today. Continue Reading

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society0 Comments

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

Seattle, WA-Local employees were abuzz yesterday when something unexpected happened. A good looking guy sporting a smooth beard and one of those cool knit Beanie hats strolled in to order some extra crispy.

“This doesn’t happen here, it just doesn’t,” says Juanita Lopez, who has been manager at the local KFC for almost 3 years. “This is not the clientele we are used to here.” Her subordinates agreed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People1 Comment

The Latest Personality Type Indicator Will Shock You

The Latest Personality Type Indicator Will Shock You

As outlined in the Breyers-Griggs Universal Spectrum® (BoGUS®) Statement of Aims and Objectives, the purpose of the popular personality test is two-fold:

1. To assist people in better understanding themselves, including their personal preferences, strengths and weaknesses, and scope of interests; and
2. To provide employers with resources to inform key decisions in areas such as staffing and seat assignments. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Internets Tubes0 Comments

George Zimmerman Loses Guns, Gains 2003 Ford F-350

George Zimmerman Loses Guns, Gains 2003 Ford F-350

George Zimmerman, best known for shooting and killing the unarmed 17 year-old African-American Trayvon Martin, was back in a Seminole County Courthouse this week, having been arrested for and summarily convicted of aggravated assault for allegedly throwing a wine bottle at his girlfriend.

As part of his sentence, the judge ordered Zimmerman to surrender any and all firearms in his possession immediately. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Strange People0 Comments

Misspelled Sign Places Pep Boys in Hot Water

Misspelled Sign Places Pep Boys in Hot Water

Portland, Oregon – Manny, Moe & Jack may soon be changing their names to Fanny, Blow & Whack following the grand opening of the newest Pep Boys store on Alberta Street in downtown Portland on Saturday morning.

Prior to opening the doors for the first time, Store Manager Marc Maasseli, removed an opaque sheet of plastic covering the store’s sign to reveal “Peep Boys” instead of the familiar “Pep Boys” that the 300 customers, reporters and company executives standing outside were expecting. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Crime10 Comments

2014 – The Year in Review: Part II (July – December)

2014 – The Year in Review: Part II (July – December)

We continue this week with Part II of Glossy News’ Year in Review for 2014. If you missed Part I, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much, but it’s here for the curious.

A couple of wars, a few natural disasters and a political scandal or two – pretty much a replay of 2010 through 2013. Check it out here. Let’s continue now with Part II. Don’t skip ahead to December and spoil the surprise ending, okay? Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Society0 Comments

Serial Peeping Tom “Dirty” Joe Palestine Thanks Supporters

Serial Peeping Tom “Dirty” Joe Palestine Thanks Supporters

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – In an interview with Glossy News, Middlesex Adult Corrections Facility inmate “Dirty” Joe Palestine proclaimed his innocence and announced his heartfelt appreciation for the millions of people around the world who agree that Palestine deserves his freedom.

Palestine, whose offenses spanning from 2006-2010 the New Jersey District Attorney called “the most blatant acts of unlawful voyeurism for sexual purposes (he) had ever seen,” has never admitted to any wrongdoing in regards to the 146 charges of peeping tom-related behavior. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Strange People0 Comments

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