Posted in Health Religionism

Okra Flow Yoga™ Brings Enlightened Movement to the Deep South – & Beyond!

NOTE FROM WALLACE: WELCOME DEBORAH! I spread my sticky mat on the faux-hardwood floor of Greenville Baptist Church’s community room, taking in the energy of the place. Aromas from last night’s potluck linger: cabbage, meatloaf, onions.  There’s a low buzz…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Okra Flow Yoga™ Brings Enlightened Movement to the Deep South – & Beyond!
Posted in Society

Problem Gambling Campaign Creator Takes Issue with Warwick Findings

A recent study by Warwick University, which claims that the When the Fun stops, Stop campaign was not doing what it was intended to do, but was instead achieving the exact opposite of the desired results has seen some push…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Problem Gambling Campaign Creator Takes Issue with Warwick Findings
Posted in Society

All Fall Down: the Redneck Wanderer’s Song of Raw Feet

Now as Ah climb up the mound on the pillar of dreams Ah can see many things they just ain’t as they seem! We got a strong leader with an army behind The people are in misery yet he’s like…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! All Fall Down: the Redneck Wanderer’s Song of Raw Feet
Swastika
Posted in Health Society

HORSESHOE THEORY?! Richard Spencer Endorses Batshit Neurodiversity Movement!!!

Overrated crypto-SJW and heavily closeted racial ‘Marxist’ Richard Spencer has recently come out fighting against those who dare to oppose the ‘heavily stigmatized’ faux-edgy bullshit ‘social movement’ du jour… White rights? Nah, more like Autistic SJW rights! In a recent…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! HORSESHOE THEORY?! Richard Spencer Endorses Batshit Neurodiversity Movement!!!
Posted in Entertainment Strange People

Kids On Leashes?

Sitting down at the park looking at a kid strangely on a leash held by his Mum, I’m enjoying a sunny day after working at a music festival. Nothing cool, like I’m a guy in a band smashing groupies who…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Kids On Leashes?
Posted in Crime World News

WELL, DUH! BBC Poll: 100% of UK Citizens Consider VIP Paedo Rings a Myth…

In the UK, former paediatric nurse Carl Beech has been accused of falsely concocting claims of VIP paedophile rings. This raises some troubling questions (and unwelcome memories) for a lot of people in the UK and worldwide; especially in light…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! WELL, DUH! BBC Poll: 100% of UK Citizens Consider VIP Paedo Rings a Myth…
Posted in Human Interest Society Top Stories

Millennial Children Demand Parents Pay for Relocation As Tensions In the Gulf Grow

Salem, OR- As tensions between the United States and Iran continue to flare after the latest attack on an American drone, more and more millennial children are demanding that Mom and Dad pay to send them away before war is…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Millennial Children Demand Parents Pay for Relocation As Tensions In the Gulf Grow
Posted in Crime World News

“WHY DO THE OTHER BOYS GET AWAY WITH IT?!” Kim Jong Un Defends Notorious Gulag System!

Ardent sometimes-Trumper Kim Jong Un has come out fighting against dishonest ‘fake news’ media criticisms of his mass labour camp system. It’s just so unfair! How came it’s all just find and dandy that Americans been allowed to mass-arrest millions…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “WHY DO THE OTHER BOYS GET AWAY WITH IT?!” Kim Jong Un Defends Notorious Gulag System!
Posted in General Interest Society

Selfie Tsunami Sickeningly Scuttles Sweet Sixteen

Florida teenager Brittney Calgrington booked the best party ever with all the most popular kids going, but despite getting the best caterer money could buy, the best DJ Craig’s List could book on short notice, and enough balloons to choke…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Selfie Tsunami Sickeningly Scuttles Sweet Sixteen
Posted in Society

Inmate Shares Out-of-Body Experience, Charged with Escape

SUSANVILLE, CA – In a move that blurs the line between metaphysics and criminology, the Lassen County District Attorney’s Office filed escape charges against a High Desert State Prison (HDSP) inmate who admitted to having had an out-of-body experience, or…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Inmate Shares Out-of-Body Experience, Charged with Escape
Posted in Society World News

GREEN REVOLUTION! New Right-Wing ‘Ecological Diversity’ Agenda

Controversial leaders Theresa May, Donald Trump and Jair Bolsonaro have heralded a new spring of right-wing environmental consciousness. And for the first time ever, the environment has been made a true populist, anti-elitist cause! But what could possibly be at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! GREEN REVOLUTION! New Right-Wing ‘Ecological Diversity’ Agenda
Posted in Kidz Zone Video News

Welcome to Mad Mad Monkey Men! Funny Youtube Stars of the Future?!

Welcome to Mad Mad Monkey Men! This week a new channel launched on YouTube with near-zero fanface, despite being pretty awesome. It’s like Good Mythical Morning, but with kids, and it’s awfully fun. The promise to do taste tests, game…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Welcome to Mad Mad Monkey Men! Funny Youtube Stars of the Future?!
Posted in Politics Society

Feminists OUTRAGED! Biden’s Creepy Campaign Trail Song List Leaks… CREEPY!

BIDEN 2020: FIRST SEXUALLY QUESTIONABLE PRESIDENT? Serial groper and wildcat Juncker’s sciatica handyman Joe ‘Creepy Uncle Joe Biden’ has just recently announced a bid for the presidency, despite a history of sexual misdemeanours which leaves but little daylight between him…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Feminists OUTRAGED! Biden’s Creepy Campaign Trail Song List Leaks… CREEPY!
Posted in Crime World News

“CRIME ISN’T A COLLUSION!” Trump & Giuliani Defend Bolsonaro Assassination Epidemic!

WHO IS BEHIND THE EPIDEMIC OF MISSING JOURNALISTS IN BRAZIL?! The mainstream media are blaming their country’s new leader, Jair Bolsonaro. Alleging that the mysterious disappearances have been directly commissioned, Putin-style, by the flamboyantly irritable Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “CRIME ISN’T A COLLUSION!” Trump & Giuliani Defend Bolsonaro Assassination Epidemic!
Posted in Politics Society World News

Libertarians & GOP Demand MASS REVOLT Against UN Human Trafficking Laws!

HOW IS MUCH IS ONE LIFE REALLY WORTH?! Well, I guess we’re about to find out! Republicans and the Libertarian Party have staged a mass revolt against the UN 2019 human trafficking report. The Executive Director for the United Nations…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Libertarians & GOP Demand MASS REVOLT Against UN Human Trafficking Laws!
Posted in Society

By the Grace of Sean (Bad Poetry for Bad Media)

Bellicose, via mega phone, go… Secure your homes, Holmes, Cause you’re all alone, Jones All the skin and bones talk, All them victims criss-crossed… With their children en tow… They tried to cross the road!   By the grace of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! By the Grace of Sean (Bad Poetry for Bad Media)
Posted in Society

Cruella De Ville Muscling My Customer

”What is it?” I said looking at a very indecisive customer. ”I’m just not sure if I should buy the shoes, mate!” he says, confusing me. ”You love the look, the price, they’re comfortable.” I wait for his long-owed reply,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cruella De Ville Muscling My Customer
Posted in Politics Society

Gay Old Party Strikes Again! Auntie Lindsey 2020, the Closet Choice! (Ted Haggard Guest Post)

NOTE FROM WALLACE: Our occasional guest contributor, Ted ‘I Know What You Did Last Night’ Haggard has provided us with one of the saltiest, spiciest lil old hot takes we’ve had in a while here at Glossy News! Enjoy! WOOP…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Gay Old Party Strikes Again! Auntie Lindsey 2020, the Closet Choice! (Ted Haggard Guest Post)
Posted in Strange People

Blond President Jokes

What is fine dining to the Blond President? Anything on the Value Meal menu at McDonald’s. How does the Blond President find a new wife? He goes to the Walmart Discount East European Find A Sexy Wife website. What did…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Blond President Jokes
Posted in Biz News Society

Carbon-Guzzlers of the World Unite! Whole Food Flights Bring Y’all THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!

Whole Foods Markets Executive V.P. of Growth and Business Development, Jim Sud announced at a company event, that Whole Foods Market was, “taking to the sky” by launching its own airline. “We realized a long time ago that selling dubiously…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Carbon-Guzzlers of the World Unite! Whole Food Flights Bring Y’all THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!
Posted in Human Interest Society

The Knives of Athenry: A Far from Humorous Satire on ‘The Fields of Athenry’ (NSFW)

By a lonely Irish ward, I heard an infant wailing “Mammy, they said they’re taking me away, For the people repealed the 8th To be cut in pieces is my fate Mammy, save me, or I’ll never see the light…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Knives of Athenry: A Far from Humorous Satire on ‘The Fields of Athenry’ (NSFW)
Bravery
Posted in Crime Sports Scandals

No Hate, No Fear! The Heartwarming Story of One Courageous Athlete Sex Offender who Rose Above the Stigma!

LAKEWOOD—A Lakewood High School multi-sport star athlete is facing charges of sexual assault following an incident alleged to have occurred in October, 2018. Joshua “Dusty” Delroy appeared in court for his indictment surrounded by family and members of the three…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! No Hate, No Fear! The Heartwarming Story of One Courageous Athlete Sex Offender who Rose Above the Stigma!
Posted in Human Interest Music

EDGY POEM! Spacking Out (Autism v Artistry, The Light Side of a Dark Affliction!)

My jeans are on backwards and tattered legs Not quite a six-pack, more of a party keg Don’t need a wingman, don’t need no aid Think I’ll just sit at home and write dystopia instead If you think my eyes…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! EDGY POEM! Spacking Out (Autism v Artistry, The Light Side of a Dark Affliction!)
Posted in Crime Health

New AG Barr to Charge “Oxy Doc” with 200,000 Counts of Manslaughter

Washington, DC – A spokesperson for recently confirmed US Attorney General William Barr, acknowledged on Saturday, plans by the US Attorneys office to file 200,000 counts of manslaughter against Purdue Pharma executive, Dr. Richard Sackler, whose most popular product, OxyContin,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New AG Barr to Charge “Oxy Doc” with 200,000 Counts of Manslaughter
Posted in Religionism

The 10 Commandments As Rewritten by ISIS.

What might be surprising to many is that the Muslim religion actually considers the Bible to be a Holy book and a source of prophecy. However, the more extreme elements of Mohammedanism have rewritten certain famous aspects of the Old…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The 10 Commandments As Rewritten by ISIS.
Posted in Society

Satirism or Satyrism?

I have an uncontrollable need to make fun of everybody while engaging in habitual and indiscriminate sex. I always liked it when a one nighter would say, “Hey, you’re a funny fucker.” But when it finally struck me as odd…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Satirism or Satyrism?
Posted in Health

Early Session with a Classical Viennese Analyst

Thankfully most of life‘s relationships are familiar, defined by some conventional guidelines, and therefore carried on with some sense that one knows what one should be doing. Right from the cradle we fall into family relationships quite naturally, as easily…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Early Session with a Classical Viennese Analyst
Business leader
Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

Cake Monster and His Creamy Lips

Leaders of the planet: Eaters of Golden Filigree accented treats. (They ask) “Who the hell needs to eat? We could all stand to lose… a couple L Bs.” With the butternut creme

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cake Monster and His Creamy Lips
Posted in Human Interest Society

One Family’s Intolerance Toward Intolerance

Orange County, CA- “My grandfather was bald, so was his Da… so is mine,” Jake Collins tells me as he runs a tattooed hand across his shiny pink scalp. “It’s kinda a family trait, like diabetes, quick tempers, and tattoos,”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! One Family’s Intolerance Toward Intolerance
Posted in Crime Politics

Glossy News Exclusive Leak! ‘Rudy Giuliani Defense’ Finally Revealed!

Washington, DC- After months of seemingly incoherent and contradictory explanations, including this weekends bombshell revelation by the Presidents personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who admitted in a televised interview on Sunday, that President Donald Trump had ongoing contact with Vladimir Putin-connected…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Glossy News Exclusive Leak! ‘Rudy Giuliani Defense’ Finally Revealed!