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Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

NEW YORK – Guido da Vinci had always wondered how there could so much extra virgin olive oil in supermarkets across the world.

“I mean wherever I went in the world, I could find extra virgin olive oil. A lot of it. Finally, I thought: how could this be?”

“So I did some research on the internet. And I found that more than two-thirds of olive oil that is labeled as extra virgin isn’t really extra virgin. Some of it may be virgin, but lots of it isn’t virgin at all!” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science0 Comments

College Student Sues Toyota For Tinnitus

College Student Sues Toyota For Tinnitus

Stevens Point, Wisconsin—Tinnitus is a condition that causes a ringing in the ears. Nearly 1 out of every 10 Americans suffer from tinnitus.

Though severity of the noise is on a case-by-case basis, tinnitus has been known to cause people to go insane. The internal ringing gets so bad, people have jumped to their deaths off bridges, drilled out their own ear drums with power tools, and punched their in-laws unprovoked—at least that’s what I told my wife after throat chopping her father. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Health2 Comments

Guy Who Screams “IF ONLY YOU KNEW HOW THEY FEEL!” Actually Doesn’t.

Guy Who Screams “IF ONLY YOU KNEW HOW THEY FEEL!” Actually Doesn’t.

Sexually frustrated loudmouth, Humbert Hegel, is a very vocal coffee-break-emancipator at a certain academic institution.

But what’s the one thing everyone loves about Humbert?

…Apart from his being so damn interdisciplinary that there’s NOTHING IN THIS WORLD about which he’s not an unquestionable and unqualified unqualifiedly infallible expert? Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

Justifiable Justice – Making the Punishment Ergonomic with the Crime

Justifiable Justice – Making the Punishment Ergonomic with the Crime

Punishments for crime have become rote in our modern society.

A person can murder any number of people and still be allowed to live his life out even though he is less that worthless to the society which allows him to survive.

Monsters on the international level can create atrocities for which they are not condemned.

Irresponsible pundits appear on the world stage who wreck havoc with in their own lands and yet are able to convince their fellow citizens that they are heroes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People5 Comments

KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

Previous version published on thespoof.co.uk, entitled: “KKK: Underground Rap A-OK, but ONLY Underground Rap.”

Well hey, some classics just bear repeating. You can’t seriously tell me my remixes are inferior to those of, say, Axwell and all those dudes.

The Ku Klux Klan has made a somewhat peculiar (and not necessarily entirely sincere?) attempt to find black supporters and allies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Strange People, Top Stories1 Comment

UKIP’s Tarquin: Idle Woman Bishops, Naughty Un-British Weather

UKIP’s Tarquin: Idle Woman Bishops, Naughty Un-British Weather

Disclaimer: First of all, in the name of the scrupulous and unquestionable (or maybe just unquestionable) media integrity that has made Britain “Great…”

Sorry, erm, really crap, actually …

Well, I republish my original article (from dailybull.co.uk) WITHOUT ANY ORWELLIAN TAMPERING WHATSOEVER. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics1 Comment

A Message From The Upper 1% To You Remaining 99% Lesserlings

A Message From The Upper 1% To You Remaining 99% Lesserlings

Greetings,

We, the 1% of this nation and others in this world that truly control what goes on inside our societies have taken the time to write to you little people who make up the other 99% of the citizenry.

You should be thankful. We rarely take the time or the danger of sullying ourselves by dealing with you lesserlings.

In truth, we are making this condescension in order to let you people know your place. You might as well get used to the idea that we run things now and have for a long time. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Society2 Comments

Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

Disclaimer:

I have tried to write an alternative to Elvis Costello’s “Oliver’s Army,” under parody and fair use, as a tribute to Costello’s song.

As someone from Northern Ireland, my reading of the original song is that in in times of armed conflict, practically no-one gains anything.

No disrespect to Elvis Costello and the Attractions, or any other form of presumption, is intended. I also do not anticipate or imply any endorsement, criticism, or other value judgment on the part of the original song writers and performers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Music0 Comments

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying

In a gently-conducted interview (surprisingly gentle!) on his home turf of MSNBC, Bill Clinton has actually admitted telling a lie.

Huh? Ya what? Yes, this is pretty much unprecedented in American history. See the following astonishing words from Clinton:

I actually never knew how to play the saxophone. I was more a steel guitar or Indonesian gamelan man.

I am kind of sorry, in a way; just a little bit. I mean, I’m sorry to have to tell you, anyway… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse

Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse

Las Vegas, NV—Christopher Nicholas Kratsas is not your typical Greek American. He comes from a long line of family members that desperately tried to embrace America by reversing Greek stereotypes.

Unfortunately for the Kratsas family, this task was made more difficult as they unintentionally brought something with them- other than a prominent unibrow- on their boat ride to Ellis Island in 1928.

The Kratsas family also brought a “κατάρα”, or curse, to America. No matter how hard they tried, the Kratsas family failed when attempting to succeed in “non” Greek professions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society0 Comments

NAACP officially changes name

NAACP officially changes name

Baltimore, MD. — In an unexpected, yet timely move, the group formerly known as the NAACP have changed their name to the National Association for the Advancement of African-Americans or NAAAA.

The first meeting of the new group, held yesterday, commenced with the new tradition of “Hail NAAAA.”

When reporters tried to reach out to the Obama administration to discuss this historic day, the president was only half interested. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

Here we go again… and again… and AGAIN™…

NaHum-ism

National Humanitarianism, or NaHum-ism, is what happens when the petty, cruel, vicious, tearful, artificial boundaries that wantonly and cruelly constrain the human spirit are broken down and annihilated with an iron fist.

For, I have sworn an eternal and undying oath, (naturally, one purely context-dependent and pragmatic in character), that we are all just human beings, in the last instance… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

Over here in Euroweenie land, they say about the Hitler-Stalin pact: “Les extrêmes se touchent.”

…Or in Universal Anglo-Esperanto, to wit, the King James of Jesus, Rush Limbaugh, John Kerry and other notable figures (-ish): “Opposites meet.”

So it’s only fair that I let Julian™ give me this sexy little number…

A leak of the new secret GOP/Dem handbook for capturing the narrative on their joint-venture humanitarian imperialist missions… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural

Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural

Paleontologists working in Southern France have discovered pictographs they estimate were placed around 10,000 B.C. The primitive drawings depict what appears to be two Neanderthal males copulating.

Lead scientist Dr. Lance Hollingsworth said, “I usually don’t get involved in politics, but clearly these cave drawing prove that homosexual relationships predate the ten commandments.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, World News0 Comments

How Coke’s New “FairLife” Super Milk is Made (VIDEO)

How Coke’s New “FairLife” Super Milk is Made (VIDEO)

Milk sales have fallen in recent years, so Coca-Cola has decided to get into the Moo Juice game. We go inside the factory to show you how they improved on perfection.

More calcium and protein with less sugar and lactose free sound too good to be true? At merely twice the price, it’s a reality.

We got to tour the Fair Oaks Farms in Fair Oaks, Indiana to meet the cows and cow-pokes (not as sexy as it sounds) to find out what really makes this premium priced beverage so unique. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Video News0 Comments

How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day

How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day

So you want to break up on Valentine’s Day?

There isn’t any other day of the year more romantic to break up on than Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day, after all, celebrates St. Valentine, a priest who secretly married lovers in Rome during the reign of the ruthless emperor named Claudius II, who had outlawed marriage in order to better recruit soldiers for his army. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

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