SEC Announces Plans for a Human Commodity Trading Market

York, NY – US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) Chairman Jay Clayton, in a joint press conference with Secretary of Commerce (SOC) Wilber Ross and Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin, announced plans to allow the trading of Human Beings on the Commodities Markets, Friday morning.

“This has been a long time in the making,” an enthusiastic Chairman Clayton proclaimed from the steps of the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE). “Not since the years leading up to the Civil War have leaders had the necessary tools of an established market to effectively gauge the value of human life. We believe this will make such a determination much easier.”

Read more SEC Announces Plans for a Human Commodity Trading Market

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Republican’s Reverse Position on Affirmative Action to Back Controversial New Bill

Mitch McConnell and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced their support for instating Affirmative Action as a qualifier for a controversial piece of legislation, likely to be brought before congress during the lame duck sessions following the midterm elections.

“It’s the twenty first century… and we recognize the Republican Party has to got to change with the times,” a giddy McConnell told reporters from the steps of the Capitol Building.  “We are excited about this legislation.  It is our belief that this bill has the potential to generate significant bipartisan support.  We are certain this bill will be particularly popular, among our nation’s growing minority populations, and among the super elite in this country.” Read more Republican’s Reverse Position on Affirmative Action to Back Controversial New Bill

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Coca-Cola: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler


[Rashad, also known as the Cackler, is an old homeless man who has wandered North America for decades and is notorious for his stream of diatribes on a wide range of subjects.]
*****
Where to begin when the folly and madness are everywhere?

The other day I saw this Coke commercial. Ever notice how on TV they’re always drinking Coke out of glass bottles, never out of cheap-looking plastic ones or tin cans—which are the only ones you can find in the real world? When was the last time you saw a glass Coca Cola bottle outside of a commercial? They get those glass bottles from the 1950s with a time machine, from when doctors told kids that smoking cigarettes makes you as healthy as Hercules. Back then the saintly medical doctor advised mothers, “When you pack your kid’s lunch, don’t forget to add the box of smokes right between the apple and the ham sandwich.”
Read more Coca-Cola: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler

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Obituary: Batshit Crazy Creationist Lunatic Kent Hovind Dies From Electrocution!

Yesterday, 15 October 2018, universally renowned and admired Young Earth Creationist Kent “Dr Dino” died in prison.

Best known for his bizarre ‘unicorn’ rants, based on a highly innovative ‘creative interpretation’ of Job 39.9, Hovind later fell from grace; convicted as a common felon, or some would say, a tax evader… er, protester!

Will the unicorn be willing to asserve thee (sic!), or abide by thy crib?

Poor old Kent is now making up his lonesome crib in hellfire; or if not that, at least one of the wilder, more wackadoodliest echelons of the $cientologist Hubbosphere!

Watch out for them goddamn freight trains, Kent!

But what actually happened?! Read more Obituary: Batshit Crazy Creationist Lunatic Kent Hovind Dies From Electrocution!

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OMG! Maxine ‘Wacky Max’ Waters Channels 19th Century White English Imperial Warmongers!

We all know that racism is nothing new in human history!

But have you ever stopped to consider how subtle and insidious it is?

Kanye West’s meeting with the President has led to some pretty backhanded and sinister commentary from the Democrats. But in order to understand this a little better, why don’t we take a quick hop back to the 19th century?

In a little known incident of the period, the Prime Minister William Gladstone made the following cutting witticism about the renowned African-American slavery abolitionist Frederick Douglass: Read more OMG! Maxine ‘Wacky Max’ Waters Channels 19th Century White English Imperial Warmongers!

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Woman Strikes Back! A Modest Proposal on How to Respond to Kavanaugh, et. al

by Karene Horst

That’s it.  I’ve had it.  I’m going on strike.

Let me clarify. I’m going on a sex strike. That’s right. I’m not having sex with men anymore. You guys asked for it; this is your punishment for supporting the patriarchal bullshit that has left us with an “alleged”* rapist in the Oval Office, an “alleged” wannabe rapist on the US Supreme Court, and countless mysoginists and assholes in Congress and boardrooms across this country. I’m done with you. Read more Woman Strikes Back! A Modest Proposal on How to Respond to Kavanaugh, et. al

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Why Sex Education Is So Important in 2018

Emotional and psychological spheres of children’s life directly depend on how correctly and timely the sexual education is started in the family. It’s the family that has the primary responsibility for acquainting the child with many subtleties and features of sexual life, which serve as a basis for his further development.

The consequences of parents’ refusal to sex education can be an inadequate and distorted personality development of their child. And to fix the situation is much more difficult than to find strength and choose an approach for productive communication in order to inform the child about such an important issue. Read more Why Sex Education Is So Important in 2018

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My Short-Lived Career As A BINGO Announcer

My Short-Lived Career as a BINGO AnnouncerThroughout my life, I’ve held a variety of jobs – from Sales Director to Director of Sales and everything in between. Given the chance, I could have been a superstar selling advertising, life insurance or legal research to anyone from astronauts to Aborigines, had my employers not fired me for poor performance and incompetence. So, you can imagine my excitement when I recently heard about an opening that sounded right up my alley: Working the BINGO booth at our local county fair.

When word got to me that a local non-profit needed help with the fair’s BINGO operations, I knew I was the perfect candidate. When the BINGO Boss man called, I was totally prepared. I had updated my resume to reflect relevant skills that made me uniquely qualified for this challenge – most notably that I was adept – even under pressure – at differentiating most letters from numbers.

I was surprised at how few questions the recruiter posed during the interview. His opening pitch was, “Are you willing to work the BINGO booth at the fair this weekend?” From the get-go, I picked up on serious buying signals. Not to appear immodest, but I am a tenacious negotiator. I asked him what the base salary was. He said there was no salary. I interpreted that to mean it was commission-only. No problem, I thought. That just means the sky’s the limit. Read more My Short-Lived Career As A BINGO Announcer

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College Life: What to Expect

Unlike high school, a typical college day is a lot less scheduled depending on how well you plan and manage your day. In addition, you have more freedom and opportunities to explore your interests and passions. While at it, you can join online educational forums such as Rincon del Vago. There you can interact with peers from different colleges while at the same time learning from educational material that is present. Read more College Life: What to Expect

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U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet


WASHINGTON – In a move described as “accepting reality” the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has declared plastic to be “a major food group.”

US FDA spokesperson Carl Manson stated: “We admit that trace amounts of plastic leak into many food products. Significant amounts of plastic appear in other food products, such as fish. However, top scientists all agree that there is nothing wrong with ingesting plastics, as has been proven by generations of long-term studies since the 1960s.” Read more U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet

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The Unofficial & Definitely Un-Presidential Meanings of ‘POTUS’

Our national beloved-love of acronyms has brought us a new term for our fearless Fuhrers. The term, which took me a while to understand (as everyone tells you acronyms but doesn’t bother to translate them for you!) is ‘POTUS’ – the initials standing for ‘President Of The United States.’ Read more The Unofficial & Definitely Un-Presidential Meanings of ‘POTUS’

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You Can Take a Hike

You Can Take a HikeLately, whenever someone invites me to go hiking, my response is usually: “You can take a hike.” That’s because, I really don’t care for hiking.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not lazy. Okay, maybe that’s a lie. But I used to take long walking excursions all the time. It’s one of my wife’s favorite leisure activities – so much so that she snuck it into our wedding vows: “I promise to love, honor and cherish you – and take annoyingly long, arduous hikes into mosquito-infested woods in the middle of nowhere – so long as we both shall live” I probably should have read over our vows a bit more carefully, but young love makes you say yes to the craziest things. Read more You Can Take a Hike

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Top Ten Completely Wacko Mental Health Myths (If You Believe this Shit, You Must Be Crazy!) #2

How was yesterday’s piece?
Here are some more absolutely batshit crazy things I’ve noticed.

There is an ‘Autistic Community’ Who All Think the Same things.


WRONG!
There are autistic individuals, and some support mainstream SJW ideology; others don’t. The Autistic Dark Web is an emerging movement that questions politically correct orthodoxies like neurodiversity, or the social model of disability.

People with Asperger’s Like Being Called ‘Aspies.’

Read more Top Ten Completely Wacko Mental Health Myths (If You Believe this Shit, You Must Be Crazy!) #2

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Top Ten Completely Wacko Mental Health Myths (If You Believe This Shit, You Must Be Crazy!) #1

Psychotics are Dangerous and Evil.


WRONG!
People often seem to confuse psychosis with psychopathy.
“Most people with psychosis are more likely to harm themselves than others.”
Source: NHS

Autistic People Lack Empathy.

Read more Top Ten Completely Wacko Mental Health Myths (If You Believe This Shit, You Must Be Crazy!) #1

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