My Short-Lived Career As A BINGO Announcer

My Short-Lived Career as a BINGO AnnouncerThroughout my life, I’ve held a variety of jobs – from Sales Director to Director of Sales and everything in between. Given the chance, I could have been a superstar selling advertising, life insurance or legal research to anyone from astronauts to Aborigines, had my employers not fired me for poor performance and incompetence. So, you can imagine my excitement when I recently heard about an opening that sounded right up my alley: Working the BINGO booth at our local county fair.

When word got to me that a local non-profit needed help with the fair’s BINGO operations, I knew I was the perfect candidate. When the BINGO Boss man called, I was totally prepared. I had updated my resume to reflect relevant skills that made me uniquely qualified for this challenge – most notably that I was adept – even under pressure – at differentiating most letters from numbers.

I was surprised at how few questions the recruiter posed during the interview. His opening pitch was, “Are you willing to work the BINGO booth at the fair this weekend?” From the get-go, I picked up on serious buying signals. Not to appear immodest, but I am a tenacious negotiator. I asked him what the base salary was. He said there was no salary. I interpreted that to mean it was commission-only. No problem, I thought. That just means the sky’s the limit. Read more My Short-Lived Career As A BINGO Announcer

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U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet


WASHINGTON – In a move described as “accepting reality” the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has declared plastic to be “a major food group.”

US FDA spokesperson Carl Manson stated: “We admit that trace amounts of plastic leak into many food products. Significant amounts of plastic appear in other food products, such as fish. However, top scientists all agree that there is nothing wrong with ingesting plastics, as has been proven by generations of long-term studies since the 1960s.” Read more U.S. Declares Plastic a Major Food Group, Part of a Balanced Diet

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The Unofficial & Definitely Un-Presidential Meanings of ‘POTUS’

Our national beloved-love of acronyms has brought us a new term for our fearless Fuhrers. The term, which took me a while to understand (as everyone tells you acronyms but doesn’t bother to translate them for you!) is ‘POTUS’ – the initials standing for ‘President Of The United States.’ Read more The Unofficial & Definitely Un-Presidential Meanings of ‘POTUS’

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You Can Take a Hike

You Can Take a HikeLately, whenever someone invites me to go hiking, my response is usually: “You can take a hike.” That’s because, I really don’t care for hiking.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not lazy. Okay, maybe that’s a lie. But I used to take long walking excursions all the time. It’s one of my wife’s favorite leisure activities – so much so that she snuck it into our wedding vows: “I promise to love, honor and cherish you – and take annoyingly long, arduous hikes into mosquito-infested woods in the middle of nowhere – so long as we both shall live” I probably should have read over our vows a bit more carefully, but young love makes you say yes to the craziest things. Read more You Can Take a Hike

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Top Ten Completely Wacko Mental Health Myths (If You Believe this Shit, You Must Be Crazy!) #2

How was yesterday’s piece?
Here are some more absolutely batshit crazy things I’ve noticed.

There is an ‘Autistic Community’ Who All Think the Same things.


WRONG!
There are autistic individuals, and some support mainstream SJW ideology; others don’t. The Autistic Dark Web is an emerging movement that questions politically correct orthodoxies like neurodiversity, or the social model of disability.

People with Asperger’s Like Being Called ‘Aspies.’

Read more Top Ten Completely Wacko Mental Health Myths (If You Believe this Shit, You Must Be Crazy!) #2

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