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Ebook Update 2/2: Amazon Ebooks PLUS Free Ebook deal until 19th April!

Ebook Update 2/2: Amazon Ebooks PLUS Free Ebook deal until 19th April!

I hope you enjoyed my post an hour ago about my various free ebooks on non-Amazon outlets. I will now tell you about my Amazon ebooks, including an amazing offer in relation to one of my books!

Firstly, I will tell you that I already have two ebooks out on Amazon (Foaming the Optics & Graveyard of the Pieties) with one more already scheduled: Tarquin Binnett’s Sound Englishman’s Common Sense Jamboree, which is Book 1 in the forthcoming series Gang of Sneers.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

The Vast ‘Neoliberal’ Conspiracy… Is the Current Debate Too Limited?

The Vast ‘Neoliberal’ Conspiracy… Is the Current Debate Too Limited?

Is it it possible to confirm or deny being a #neoliberal, if the term is infinitely elastic?

Was Stalin a #stateneoliberal, just like he was a #statecapitalist?

Will the end of #capitalism be the end of #neoliberalism, or is the end of #neoliberalism the end of #capitalism?

If Pol Pot was a #fakesocialist, and hence a #fakeanticapitalist, was he also a #fakeantineoliberal?

If #capitalism invented nationalism and militarism, did #neoliberalism also invent nationalism and militarism?

If so, how did the world manage to fall from its Edenic glory and pristine state into #thevastneoliberalconspiracy?

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Ode to the Wide Stance Republicans  (Your Love is Wide)

Ode to the Wide Stance Republicans  (Your Love is Wide)

My stance is wide

My love is deep

True Christian men

Don’t judge lost sheep!

I was only on my winding way

I pitched my tent in a valley gay

I didn’t mean to cause dismay

My enemies lied upon me, while I lay

They grasped my buckler Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Inclusion Humor (II): ‘Hey, Can I Celebrate Your Diversity?’ Uh, no… Please Don’t!

Inclusion Humor (II): ‘Hey, Can I Celebrate Your Diversity?’ Uh, no… Please Don’t!

There is a ‘text’ and a ‘subtext’ so ubiquitous now, I feel it would be very unhelpful to attribute it to any one person. I do not wish to blame any one individual, or any number of individuals; clearly, the problem is a very ‘deep’ and ‘structural’ one, rather than being a question of a few people holding a niche view.

The prevailing notion is:

Neurodiversity is great and should be celebrated; what a dull world it would be, if there were no neurodiversity.

OK. How about these ones: Continue Reading

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Inclusion Humor (I): The  Complexity of Accessibility

Inclusion Humor (I): The Complexity of Accessibility

Accessibility is a very current topic, but not all framings of accessibility are alike. Spot the difference:

University admissions

A

We must have 50% of young people attending university, to make us viable competitors on the world stage, and set our stamp on world affairs as leading enlightened, dynamic and creative figures in the international community.

B

Artificial barriers to university cause many problems. People feel discouraged, alienated and disenfranchised. For individuals from many communities, there is a knock-on effect on equality and access to other resources.

Gender balance in academic disciplines Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

Weeks after Toddler Exile Fiasco, John Lewis Internal Dissident Mysteriously Disappeared… Um, ‘Disappears!’

Weeks after Toddler Exile Fiasco, John Lewis Internal Dissident Mysteriously Disappeared… Um, ‘Disappears!’

Notable socialite-apologist silk-peddler syndicate John Lewis has recently got into trouble for its new policy of systematically exiling toddlers and other vicious and unpredictable terrorists and master criminals:

But since this recent dastardly scheme started to unfold a few weeks back, some few brave internal dissidents have dared to play the aching predictable and mundanely tedious role of a tinpot Nicky Bukharin.

One irritatingly vainglorious John Lewis libertarian traitor rants:

Look, I know where the Supreme Leader is coming from on this one, and I’m not gonna be the one to challenge his unimpeachable wisdom. But, just think about it!

I mean, I know these evil toddlers are unscrupulous and evil and wicked and just plain barbaric, but don’t you understand that viciously hammering down on these vile people is precisely what they want? We’re just playing into their hands by disrupting our customary cozy, complacent, petit-bourgeois Surrey UKIP retiree way of life! But isn’t that precisely what these wicked bastards WANT us to do?! Continue Reading

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A Vatican Rockstar Who Pulls No Punches

A Vatican Rockstar Who Pulls No Punches

I know the Pope’s comments are from a while back; but don’t forget that much of the media are still giving a simplified, sanitized picture of Pope Francis for general consumption!

This being so, it’s definitely worth taking a long, hard, critical look at the most fashionable, genial, and photogenic clerical superstar since His Most Hot-Ass Holy-Buffness the Dalai Lama.

If my good friend Dr. Gasparri says a curse word against my mother, he can expect a punch,” Francis said half-jokingly (sic!), throwing a mock punch his way. “It’s normal. You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others.”

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Religionism0 Comments

99 Reasons why Satire should be Kept Entirely within the Bounds of Tolerance, Civility, Decency and Decorum

99 Reasons why Satire should be Kept Entirely within the Bounds of Tolerance, Civility, Decency and Decorum

1. Continue Reading

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Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016

Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016

Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016

If Donald Trump wins the Presidential election he will consider all of us to be ‘losers’.

If the Occupiers of the wildlife refuge took over the land there, wouldn’t they probably shoot all the ducks? Continue Reading

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BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too! (2/2)

BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too! (2/2)

Here is more pitiful bien-pensant claptrap from the BBC, following their recent flamboyantly privileged nitpicking over the term ‘Islamic State.’

The ‘Republicains’ of Sarkozy are now the ‘soi-disant Republicans,’ because some members of other parties believe that they are the true inheritors of ‘la Republique.’

BBC journalists must never speak of the Lega Nord, because the Lega Nord cannot speak for all northern Italians. Anyway, where does the North end and the South begin?

The Republican party cannot be called the GOP, because the Democrats are also fairly ‘Great’ and ‘Old.’ And you can also probably guess why some Republicans have convinced the BBC to speak of the ‘so-called Democrats.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Television0 Comments

The Problem Began With Cows- The Oregon Wildlife Refuge Standoff

The Problem Began With Cows- The Oregon Wildlife Refuge Standoff

The problem begins with the cows.

They don’t belong here in the first place. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, Top Stories0 Comments

Muslims Couldn’t Care Less About Trump’s Edgy Religious Conversions

Muslims Couldn’t Care Less About Trump’s Edgy Religious Conversions

Donald Trump has recently decided to further alienate Muslims by staging a controversial religious conversion.

Or rather, a whole sevenfold string of counterfeit conversions. However, his plan appears to have backfired.

Trump decided to convert to the Baha’i, Yazidi, Mandaean, Druze, Ahmadiyya Muslim, Zoroastrian and Babi faiths.

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Ben Carson: Episcopalians are WORSE than ISIS!

Ben Carson: Episcopalians are WORSE than ISIS!

Ben Carson has recently made another epic Godwin fail. But who has had the dire misfortune of incurring his wrath this time?

Fifa & ISIS.

Uh, sorry!

Episcopalians & ISIS. One is a thuggish gang of jackbooted religious sectarians who want to undermine and destabilize our culture so the whole world can be exactly like them.

The other is a flamboyant gang of well-groomed cloak-swishing effeminates who are having a scandalous impact on the spiritual wellbeing of this world!

Well, I’ll let you all try and guess which is which.

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My Plan to Donate My Powerball Jackpot Winnings to the Kids in Africa

Powerball jackpot - Tim with kidsI was really bummed to learn that I did not win the recent $1.6 billion Powerball jackpot. I was so close to winning it all. I was only off by four or five numbers. Drat! It took me a while to overcome the shock and disappointment of my razor thin loss.But after a week of eating nothing but cookie dough ice cream and Double Stuff Oreos by the sleeve, I was able to get out of bed and face the reality that my near term future would not include a castle surrounded by an alligator-filled moat after all.

My deep despair got me to thinking: What would I do if I actually won the billion dollar jackpot? I reflected on this question for what seemed like hours but was actually the duration of a TV commercial about hemorrhoid cream. I wrote down a list of things that I would do with the money if I were lucky enough to win.

I’m not hinting that my incredible list of philanthropic plans makes me a better person than you. I’m not hinting anything at all. Let me spell it out for you. I’m a way better person than you – at least I will be, once I get my hands on that money.

As someone who is profoundly deep and constantly reflects on the meaning of life whenever I’m not hungry, I realize I have been given a great amount over the course of my life – starting with two (occasionally) wonderful daughters. But there are so many others who have been given far less. So, if I were to win the Powerball jackpot, it would be my heartfelt desire to travel to Africa to provide food and clothing to all the starving children of that great nation. (I’m pretty sure Africa is a nation). And I would build them a modern school with clean, safe running water, and give each child their very own iPad, pre-loaded with both Minecraft and Candy Crush – for educational purposes only. I would do this because, let’s face it, it’s all about the kids. And I already have everything I need…

Powerball jackpot - CarsExcept for a private jet. Yeah, I would love to get me one of those babies – um, so that I could transport food and clothing to the starving kids in Africa, of course. And my jet would come with a scantily clad female flight attendant with a sexy British accent, and she’d serve me Martinis. I don’t even like Martinis, but who cares? And just as soon as I got my private jet, I would immediately get to work on helping those starving, shabbily dressed kids in Africa…

Right after I bought myself one of those solid platinum smart phones like the type the bad guy has in a Bond film – right before Bond kisses the bad guy’s girlfriend and leaps into the bad guy’s stainless steel Lamborghini – which just happens to have the keys in it. And as soon as I got my platinum smart phone, I would conference call a team of helpers to fly over to Africa in advance of my arrival, to start feeding and clothing those needy, half-naked kids.

With a billion dollars, just think about how many disadvantaged kids in Africa I could help. And I would rush to their rescue on my sweet new 100-foot luxury yacht, complete with its own surfing pool – oh, and a helipad – so that my new celebrity friends could drop in as my yacht is cruising the Pacific Ocean, somewhere between Vanuatu and Tonga – which, now that I think of it, probably have a lot of kids who could use some food and clothing, too.

You see, if I win the next Powerball jackpot, I believe in giving back to those who are far needier than I – so long as they give this post a Like on Facebook, otherwise they’re dead to me. Those starving, stark naked kids are my Number One priority, absolutely… once I get my first billion dollars…

Number one, that is, right after I buy myself a couple of masterpiece paintings. I’m thinking perhaps an original Picasso. I’m really not all that particular as to which one – so long as it has a woman with at least three eyes and four breasts. It would go nicely in my man cave next to my Seahawks lava lamp.

But as soon as that painting is in place and my indoor bowling alley is built, I’ll be on the phone lickety-split, making sure nothing gets in the way of my helping those poor starving kids wherever the heck they are…

Powerball jackpot - hover cartOh, and my own wild animal park. Nothing too fancy. Just big enough for all my elephants, giraffes, zebras and lions to roam around in – oh and one of those cool safari lodges where your bed is under the stars, and you have Tiki torches – with armed guards to make sure no rhinos attack while you’re sleeping. Maybe I could hire some of those starving kids to guard the perimeter.

And once I have bought all of these necessities, nothing will keep me from placing a few calls to see if someone can airlift a couple crates of corn or millet or maybe some Huggies to those kids in Peru or Cambodia or West Virginia or wherever they are.

My point is, I care about the kids. Not sure which country’s kids at the moment, but it will come to me later. I just hope I win the next billion-dollar Powerball jackpot. Because I have some great ideas for how to use all that dough to buy some incredibly awesome toys – um, for the kids. It’s all about the kids.

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

Expanded Release of Free Religious Satire Compilation: ‘I Shouldn’t Do God!’ (2/2)

Expanded Release of Free Religious Satire Compilation: ‘I Shouldn’t Do God!’ (2/2)

6. A Z GRIMSBY SLAYS THE DRAGON

Ain’t no atheist like a disenchantment-community atheist…? Well,  an outraged A Z Grimsby does indeed insist on holding forth on the purely irrational and frivolously superstitious basis of children’s toys, especially cuddly fictive animals.

I mean take dragons for example, they may be cuddly and funny and comfy and gloriously colored, flamboyantly patterned, and so on.

But they have absolutely nothing whatsoever, nothing IN THE LEAST to do with science as we now understand it.

Yes, well, if you tell your children that there MIGHT JUST be such a thing as a dragon, even leaving the question slightly open, you are giving the irrationalists an inch…

And they will undoubtedly take a mile. Or indeed ten!

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Expanded Release of Free Religious Satire Compilation: ‘I Shouldn’t Do God!’ (1/2)

Expanded Release of Free Religious Satire Compilation: ‘I Shouldn’t Do God!’ (1/2)

I’ve recently re-released the first volume of my fake news satire compilation series, Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes. More Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes volumes will follow from Spring 2016 onwards. But for now, volume 1, I Shouldn’t Do God, is a somewhat expanded one in comparison to the earlier version of this same first volume of this exciting ongoing series. And it’s free too!

Also, I have recently managed to get Reflections In & Out of Season, the accompanying volume to The Great Flâneur Massacre, brought down to free again too. And as for The Great Flâneur Massacre, this is still 99 cents, or similar in other currencies, depending on the location of the vendor! These latter two books are also available from the same ebook outlets as below. See more information at: http://wallacerunnymede.com/category/ebooks-2/

1. WHY SHOULDN’T I DO GOD?

My recent tribute essay to Charlie Hebdo, serialised on Glossy News. Links to Glossy News originals for each of the instalments here, and links to the Wallace Runnymede republication of the essay here.

2. UNPRECEDENTED VATICAN SCANDAL: GERMAN INFIDEL CANONIZED

The Vatican, like the Pope, should be infallible, but what happens when even infallible institutions slip up the odd time, and canonize people who have no right in hell to such an accolade?

If this is to stand, we might have to canonize other great, virtuous and saintly figures such as:

Buddha, Quetzalcoatl, Sri Krishna, Mungai, Amaterasu, Laozi, Adi Shankara, Hercules, Guru Nanak, the Dalai Lama, Elmer Gantry, Arius, Sabellius, Basilides, Valentinus, Simon Magus, Martin Luther…

3. DALAI LAMA SUES CANON WELBY

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