Glossy News Exclusive Leak! ‘Rudy Giuliani Defense’ Finally Revealed!

Washington, DC- After months of seemingly incoherent and contradictory explanations, including this weekends bombshell revelation by the Presidents personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who admitted in a televised interview on Sunday, that President Donald Trump had ongoing contact with Vladimir Putin-connected Russians for the duration of his Presidential campaign… Some recently leaked Trump Organization internal documents reveal key details regarding the strategy behind the President’s unorthodox defense. We spoke to a source within the Trump Organization, who verified these details on the condition of anonymity.

According to series of emails sent on April 8th of 2017, two (unidentified) White House lawyers were growing more and more concerned with the direction of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation, and had made the determination that if the investigation continued to proceed on it’s current trajectory, the President and his children, were likely to face criminal charges in the months leading up to the 2018 mid-term election.

Read more Glossy News Exclusive Leak! ‘Rudy Giuliani Defense’ Finally Revealed!

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No Such Thing as “Food Allergy”

Often we have heard of people who will tell you they are allergic to certain foods. Sometimes as a way to dodge eating certain foods that they do not like. Well, some see it as a thing that is just fancy to say, (the things that people in this world do).

However, not everyone has a flimsy excuse for trying to avoid to eat something. For other people, these allegations are actually true. Or least they think they are. Okay, what are we saying? People that consume certain foods and react to them and react, automatically see them as foreign food in their bodies. Read more No Such Thing as “Food Allergy”

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Adderall Effectiveness Being Questioned After Recent Revelations

Adderall, the premier pharmaceutical prescribed for treatment of ADHD in many Americans, has recently had its effectiveness called into question. With a long history of providing focus to those who suffer from ADHD, it has historically been thought of as a wonder drug with proven and consistent results. Now those long held beliefs are being threatened after the revelation that president Trump is a frequent user of this product.

Read more Adderall Effectiveness Being Questioned After Recent Revelations

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Lady Gaga Has Second Thoughts About Her “Do What You Want (With My Body)” Duet With R. Kelly.

Lady Gaga now regrets the song she did together with the popular pervert, proliferator of pubescent pornography and deflowerer of underage girls and perhaps small furry animals R. Kelly. The Ga now says of her 2013 conjugal ditty that ‘Do What You Want With My Body’ now disturbs her terribly. “Not only did we sing it, we did it.” confessed the singer fresh from her Golden Globe victory with the song “Shallow.” Read more Lady Gaga Has Second Thoughts About Her “Do What You Want (With My Body)” Duet With R. Kelly.

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Trump Administration Nutrition Lobbyists: “McDonalds Junk Food” is FAKE NEWS!

The Trump administration’s current representatives for infant health, general nutrition and healthy lifestyles have recently come out fighting against an insidious CNN / mainstream media CONSPIRACY against selfless, altruistic, patriotic restaurant companies.

The three officials in question, representing KFC, McDonalds and Massachusetts Meth Burger, have pointed out that the plague of fake news doesn’t only extend to unjust and ungrounded character attacks against the best President ever, but also represents a ton of malicious bad faith attacks against the various kinds of nutritious food we have all come to know and love so well.

Choice cuts include the following:

FAKE NEWS CONSPIRACY

Have you noticed nobody was even TALKING about the supposed ‘bad health effects’ of McDonalds until the mainstream liberal media started moralizing about it? Well, isn’t that convenient… It’s almost as though these imaginary ‘health risks’ were all just standard issue made-up FAKE NEWS nonsense that the MSM have deliberately concocted in order to make Donald Trump and his close associates look bad! I mean, it would be the first time, would it!

Trump deftly adds:

People are saying stuff!

MASSAGING THE STATS

Read more Trump Administration Nutrition Lobbyists: “McDonalds Junk Food” is FAKE NEWS!

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Animals Furious at PETA for Campaigning Against Testing Cosmetics Products on Them

For years, animal testing has come under significant scrutiny due to the supposedly “inhumane” nature of the process. PETA has long opposed what has been referred to as a “barbaric” set of actions designed to enhance company profits at the risk of endangering the health and safety of innocent animals.

Yet after years of silencing the animals they were speaking for, PETA has now been rebuked by the very population they had claimed to be protecting.

“Curious” George Bananagobbles, spokesman for Pro-Animal Cosmetics Testing (PACT), and well-known celebrity monkey, has finally offered up the stance of the animal population on the exercise of cosmetics testing on the animal population. Read more Animals Furious at PETA for Campaigning Against Testing Cosmetics Products on Them

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Beggar Arrested For Attempted Choosing

A homeless man was taken into police custody yesterday following an appalling attempt at choosing an item off of the menu in a nearby restaurant. According to police reports, a wealthy man had offered to buy the homeless man (a known beggar) some dinner so that he might not go hungry during the holidays.

Upon sitting down together at a table, the homeless man then made an egregious attempt to order his own food, by pointing his finger at one of the House Entrees, and asking the waiter “how the steak is prepared.”

Read more Beggar Arrested For Attempted Choosing

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Trump Visited By Ghosts Of Anti-Communists Past

He was about to slumber, alone in the White House on this winter’s Christmas Eve. Melania and the boys were in Mar-A-Lago. Congress and a quarter of the Federal workforce was shut down. The few advisers that he still listened to had suggested he not to go to Florida with the rest of the family. With so many Fed employees not working and not having extra money for the holidays, they felt that it would look bad for him to take a vacation at this time. Better to go later after the whole shut-down thing had blown over and no one would be paying attention. He had to stay in D.C. and stew in the juices of the soup he himself had made.

Wearily he prepared himself for bed. As usual, comments from the press criticizing him ran unchecked through his head. He was unable to control or stop them. He lay down in bed and, knowing sleep would not be soon in coming, began his nightly barrage of tweets, mostly focusing on the very disturbances going through his mind.

Thirty minutes later the tweets did their magic and together with the sleeping pill he took he meandered into that realm between waking thoughts and the peace of slumber.

It was this in this dark purgatory of repose that the first apparition appeared. It came first as a disembodied voice- “Ebeneezer……ooops!…….I mean ‘Donald’!……Donald!……..why do you not understand?” Read more Trump Visited By Ghosts Of Anti-Communists Past

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Flu Spray Replacement Found Among City Dwelling Homeless population

For many years, the flu vaccine was administered primarily in two ways—via an injection or through a nasal spray. However, many pharmacies and doctors have steered away from the use of the flu spray, and settled almost exclusively on the use of the injection. This shift was due, in large part, to alarmed parents who voiced concerns that the act of ingesting something through the nose could lead to a higher inclination to indulge in nasally administered narcotics later in life

Ironically, these parents failed to recognize that narcotics can also be administered through injections… usually to consume drugs that are both more addicting and harmful. The concerns somehow were limited to the action of ingestion via the nasal cavity and its development into drug usage down the line. Despite there being absolutely no evidence to support these claims, officials in the medical field have still fielded their questions and concerns, and responded amicably.

Lisa Martin, a mother of two elementary students, asserted that, “There was just a small period where we were running out of stuff to complain about. If I’m not constantly questioning the status quo disguised as concern for my child’s well-being, how are people going to know that I actually care about my kids?”

Read more Flu Spray Replacement Found Among City Dwelling Homeless population

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The Fat Positivity Movement is Incomplete Without the Alcohol Positivity Movement

The fat community are so badly oppressed nowadays, but I think you can agree we have definitely all taken some huge, robust strides towards real acceptance and celebration of the fat identity. Every single sickening, pummelling, earth-shattering blow we have landed on the mainstream oppressive society today has gone down like ten tons of enriched plutonium! So it’s in this very spirit of fighting hard against oppression, exclusion and intolerance, that me and my boys want to start an Alcohol Positive movement to complete the picture! Here are some of our key premises: Read more The Fat Positivity Movement is Incomplete Without the Alcohol Positivity Movement

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Scarily Innovative! ‘Clean Coal’ & ‘Safe Lead’ Head US Panel at Next Week’s UN Climate Talks

Washington, DC- Acting EPA Administrator Andrew Wheeler announced on Friday, the White House would hold a panel on clean technology during the annual U.N. climate talks in Poland next week.

“We will be featuring a number of green technologies at next week’s meeting. I have been working with White House staffers on this presentation for a number of months now, and believe this is an important subject to discuss on the international stage. For the last decade we’ve seen a dramatic decline in the use of coal around the world, and the President wants that trend to stop,” the former coal industry lobbyist told reporters from the steps of the William Jefferson Clinton Building. Read more Scarily Innovative! ‘Clean Coal’ & ‘Safe Lead’ Head US Panel at Next Week’s UN Climate Talks

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Khiva, Uzbekistan: Explore this Pearl of Central Asia!

Uzbekistan is a country in Central Asia. Since it broke free of the Soviet Union in 1991, Uzbekistan has had to find its feet as an independent country, no longer under the control of others. And tourism is obviously a great way for an emerging nation to make some progress.

One of the most exciting places to visit in Uzbekistan is Khiva. The genesis of the city is commonly explained by a well known legend. Sam, one of the sons of the prophet Nuh (roughly analogous to the Shem and Noah of Jewish and Christian tradition) dug a well in the middle of the desert. This well is now to be found in the ancient ruins of Ichan-Kala, the walled inner town of Khiva. Read more Khiva, Uzbekistan: Explore this Pearl of Central Asia!

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Fools’ God: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler

[The homeless old man, Rashad the Cackler is back with another rant. Enjoy as he spills his guts to passersby on a big city, American street corner.]

Laugh at the homeless wreck of a man who stands before you! Wrinkle your nose in disgust at the rags I wear, coated as they are in weeks-old urine, vomit and body odour. Mock me for my failure to lie for a living in your warped rat race. Here I am with no family to weigh me down or bind me to your monstrous society. Look at me and see the outsider, the scapegoat hurled into the wilderness who survives the void and returns to you with unpleasant news.
Read more Fools’ God: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler

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