Archive | Society

Glossy News Classics VII. P. Beckert’s ‘GOP Blames Rise in Lesbianism on Obama Adminstration.’

Glossy News Classics VII. P. Beckert’s ‘GOP Blames Rise in Lesbianism on Obama Adminstration.’

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

Patti’s corpus is vast and well worth reading. Explore it!

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On Tuesday night, President Barack Obama gave his 5th State of the Union address. It was a mixed bag, if you ask anyone who was listening. As usual, Obama failed in his attempt to bring the country to a closer understanding of each other. The GOP response to the SOTU address proved that point. Continue Reading

Posted in Politics, Society0 Comments

The secret to maintaining your New Year’s Resolutions…

The secret to maintaining your New Year’s Resolutions…

New Years Resolutions - the list 2017… is never to make any, of course. I mean, seriously. Just look at my track record over the past twenty years. Continue Reading

Posted in Health, Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

What’s Under a Pony’s Tail?

What’s Under a Pony’s Tail?

© 2017 Tom Skulldaney

I write regulations for the government’s Farm Improvement and Protection Bureau. I know nothing about farms. But I do know you can’t get ahead in a bureaucracy if you know too much about what you’re doing. It grates on your fellow bureaucrats and gets on the boss’s nerves. The rule I go by is: If your regulations do not create at least four more jobs in the department, stop and rewrite them.

On the wall of my office is an inspirational farm themed poster. Every office is required to have one. Mine is a man in a suit and sunglasses holding up a horse’s tail and pointing underneath it. The caption at the top asks, “What’s Under a Pony’s Tail?” The answer at the bottom is, “The Public”. That is so true.

As regulations proliferate, life gets better. How could it not? I never realized how little attention people paid to the things they do. Now as a regulation writer I notice these things and put them right. When asked how I come up with all my regulations, I tell them it’s because I care enough to keep my eyes open.

For instance, this past weekend I was watching an old black and white movie called Ma and Pa Kettle Back on the Farm. In one scene, Ma Kettle walks into the chicken pen and just starts tossing grain around willy nilly. It annoyed me how little thought she put into it. Very haphazard. Her indifference caused some of the grist to go completely through the wire mesh and drop useless on the ground outside. Some was ruined when it landed in the little water troughs ringing the coop. And not a small portion ended up on the backs of the chickens sending them running off in all directions pecking at each other. Her laughter at their antics grated on me. I felt this to be a carelessness that was begging to be addressed.

That led to me to create the regulations for Fowl Nourishment Distribution. I drew detailed illustrations of the correct right-handed and left-handed distribution methods. And explicitly outlawed the downward toss and the semi swirl method. The one Ma Kettle used. Equipment requirements included an irrometer for current soil conditions (both moisture and content), an anemometer for wind speed and direction, and a balloon borne Rawinsonde (to an altitude of not less than 1,500 feet). This was for monitoring real time meteorological data in case conditions changed during the feeding.

The final regulation required a Certificate of Competency along with a completed Current Feeding Conditions form. Both had to be in the feeder’s possession at all times. It also prohibited the feeding of fowl by anyone under the age of 18. Because of my boss’s belief in employee empowerment I was also able to assess the amount of the fine. I decided on $1,000 for the first infraction, $3,000 for the second and the third would mandate the confiscation of all farm animals including pets, livestock and minors under the age of 14.

I impressed my boss when I included details for property seizure and subsequent liquidations via public auctions. As my reward for such thoroughness I was sent to a rural area of the country to gain an expertise in regulation enforcement. I was accompanied by four armed agents and required to carry my “On the spot pad.”

When the public complains about government waste they should be shown this pad. It allows any properly deputized individual to write extemporaneous regulations. If you see something amiss when you are in the market or on a date you can take your pad out and instantly create a binding regulation. The perforated line ¾ the way down the form allows you to add your own fine amount, tear it off and hand it to the offender. Impressive efficiency.

It didn’t take long to spot an infraction. A woman, younger than Ma Kettle but just as reckless, was in the act of thoughtless grain distribution. The five of us approached and I explained to her how she had run afoul of government regulations regarding the feeding of chickens. She was both uncooperative and ungrateful. As I discussed the acceptable forms of payment, no personal checks but we were prepared to accept a credit card, a man hurried out of the farmhouse. When I informed him of our business here he angrily began explaining how a farm really works.

Frightened, one of the enforcement people put his hand on his sidearm and yelled, “Don’t listen!” But, it was too late. I had heard what he said and my job at the Farm Improvement and Protection Bureau was now ruined. Upon our return to the office I confessed to my boss what had happened. He put his arm around my shoulder and said, “Too much knowledge leads to a loss of objectivity. You should know that.” He asked me what I knew about medical procedures. When I told him nothing at all, he brightened and reassigned me to the department that oversees and regulates neurological surgery.

 

Posted in Society0 Comments

How Bologna is REALLY made (the truth!) [VIDEO]

How Bologna is REALLY made (the truth!) [VIDEO]

You love bologna, but you never really thought about what it’s made out of. The answers will surely surprise and shock you, and if they don’t, you may be the strongest person alive.

Playlist of How It’s REALLY Made Videos

Transcript

The Meat
Bologna is one of America’s favorite foods, but how they make it just might make your mouth get all damp and watery. Continue Reading

Posted in Health, Video News0 Comments

There is Nothing More Natural than Appealing to What is Natural

There is Nothing More Natural than Appealing to What is Natural

Nothing morally consequential follows from ‘the natural.’

There is nothing ‘unnatural’ about mass atrocities, wifebeating, gay-bashing, anti-disabled sentiment, racism, or dying of a heroin overdose. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Glossy News Book Showcase 6: Tim Jones’s YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE – Misguided Parenting Strategies that Sounded Good at the Time

Glossy News Book Showcase 6: Tim Jones’s YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE – Misguided Parenting Strategies that Sounded Good at the Time

YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE – Misguided Parenting Strategies that Sounded Good at the Time is available for purchase as a paperback book or as an ebook at fine retailers everywhere, as well as a few shady outlets I would never set foot in. Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest, Top Stories0 Comments

Islam and the Mystery of the “True” Liberal

Islam and the Mystery of the “True” Liberal

Meet “Moderate” Muslim and “True” Liberal…

Or MM & TL, for short!

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MM: Look, I don’t believe terrorists represent Islam, there are many things they do that contradict the Quran and Sunnah.

TL: No, you’re a “cherry picker”, accept that they’re following the “true” version of your religion. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Some Well Good ‘Crazy Talk’ from Chris! Check Out His Podcast

Some Well Good ‘Crazy Talk’ from Chris! Check Out His Podcast

Note from Wallace:

Affable Northern ideas lad Chris is quite a productive and creative person! And every now and then, his indomitable oop o’ t’ Watford gap spirit succeeds in coming up with yet another exciting venture. Indeed, Chris has even featured in our Xmas books profile:

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/201612220505/last-minute-xmas-gifts-glossy-news-authors-with-ebooks-to-sell-22/

You can keep track of his stuff at his blog: Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, Podcasts0 Comments

You Say ‘Fuck 2016,’ 2016 Says ‘Fuck The Haters!’

You Say ‘Fuck 2016,’ 2016 Says ‘Fuck The Haters!’

Does anyone else think the whole ‘Fuck you, 2016?’ thing has a bit of a class bias?

I don’t think 2016 is objectively worse than other recent years. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Jonathan Mitchell: Reflections Before the Election

Jonathan Mitchell: Reflections Before the Election

NOTE FROM WALLACE: This note was penned by Jonathan Mitchell, prominent autism advocate, before the recent US election result. I think this piece is of good historical interest, as it captures some of the uncertainty and anxiety in the air at that time.

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The election is today and I’ve already cast my vote. I wanted to make a blog post before it ends tomorrow.

Donald Trump believes that autism is caused by vaccines. I think he may also believe in a government conspiracy. He also mocked a disabled reporter which means he mocked me and all other disabled people. Continue Reading

Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

The Acceptable Antisemitism of the Anti-Racist Community (ARCom)

The Acceptable Antisemitism of the Anti-Racist Community (ARCom)

NOTE: An earlier version of this was drafted a few months ago, and never published.

Still, it’s all worth thinking about anyway. The topic of acceptable antisemitism, a key form of acceptable racism, remains pertinent.

***

Just look at the following link. I think the headline may be inappropriate and probably risks tapping into Alt-Right sentiment. Perhaps focusing on anti-semitism might been better? Still, it is well known journalists often do not choose the headline anyway. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Santa Drives Sleigh, Amazon Drives him to Bankruptcy

Santa Drives Sleigh, Amazon Drives him to Bankruptcy

The North Pole: Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick was anything but Jolly as he announced to his elves and a tearful Mrs. Claus, that his North Pole-based Christmas empire, Kringle Corp World-Wide, will be filing for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy later this week. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, Religionism4 Comments

Slavoj Zizek Joins the Pervert Cinema on Youtube

Slavoj Zizek Joins the Pervert Cinema on Youtube

Not everyone knows who Slavoj Zizek is…

But there are those who do!

It’s great to see this parody artist doing an INCREDIBLY convincing parody of Zizek’s mannerism and common phrases. Not sure whether how far the lyrical content can be considered direct quotes or even paraphrases of Zizek’s work? Some of sounds like it’s for real. Continue Reading

Posted in Education, Internets Tubes0 Comments

My Plan to Stop Racist Bigots (A Modest Proposal)

My Plan to Stop Racist Bigots (A Modest Proposal)

I’m going to tolerate respectable MIC racism for decades and shout down anyone who starts imagining things and calling me a bigot.

Then when my racism starts turning into genuinely indecent racism, I am going to let these ignorant right-wing bigots they have REALLY crossed a line. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (2/2)

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (2/2)

Here are some responses to yesterday’s National Union of Students statement on why Holocaust commemoration should be verboten at UK universities. But unfortunately, these responses do not seem to cohere very well with a quote from a notable NUS correspondent…

Which latter passionately assured me that the NUS exists to represent the interests of all students, and to permit students to have a voice and express their views, so that a healthy atmosphere of campaigning and discussion can be maintained. Still, let’s hear from some real students instead!

Sara, a student of art from Israel, suggested a more objective approach: Continue Reading

Posted in Education, World News0 Comments

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (1/2)

UK’s National Union of Students Declare Holocaust Verboten (1/2)

Notable Champagne-Humanitarian-Edgy-Rhetorical-Club, the NUS (National-Kropotkinite Union of Sympathisers) have taken advantage the most wonderful time of the year…

By sneaking in a typically highly creative and imaginative motion before the Xmas lull.

The motion, translated from the original Pig-German, reads as follows: Continue Reading

Posted in Education, World News0 Comments

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