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Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise

Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise

NEW YORK – Many American football fans may not realize that the National Football League (NFL) is not a corporation, but a tax-exempt organization.

Recently some real die-hard fans have been donating money to their beloved NFL, even though their donations are not tax-deductible.

“Football is my life,” says Wayne Smetsky of Green Bay, Wisconsin, who recently donated $500 to the NFL. Continue Reading

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Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

When MLB teams acquire new players they expect their very best and this MLB offseason has featured an almost overwhelming amount of moves as teams try to upgrade their rosters and shift their focus in a new direction.

Since Ichiro entered the American major league with the Seattle Mariners in 2001, Ichiro has been a puzzle of great intrigue and interest. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sportsfolk, Technology1 Comment

Lebron James Jr. Will Suit Up for Cavs

Lebron James Jr. Will Suit Up for Cavs

Lebron James will suit up for the Cavaliers as soon as possible. Lebron James Jr., that is.

The son of the best player in the NBA will be replacing his injured father in the lineup for the next few weeks.

LBJJ is a star player on his youth team and is ready to take it to the next level. Rather than wait to be drafted in ten years, the young star will sign as a free agent with the Cavs. Continue Reading

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NFL Introduces New Team Name! Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong!

NFL Introduces New Team Name! Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong!

Washington, D.C. – Ending a long debate over the controversial name of one of its teams, the National Football League announced this week that the Washington Redskins will now be known as the Washington Breadskins.

Originally established in 1932, the franchise has maintained the same mascot for more than 82 years.

However, a recent flurry of protests by the Oneida Indian Nation, most recently during a game on November 2nd when the Redskins played the Minnesota Vikings, helped expedite the change. Continue Reading

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Is Cuba the Next Ping Pong Frontier?

Is Cuba the Next Ping Pong Frontier?

As America’s relations with Cuba are bettered in the near future, many professional sports leagues are excited to pounce on the athletic talent in the small country.

Major League Baseball teams are searching for the new Yasiel Puig or Aroldis Chapman to ignite their teams’ fortunes.

Along with baseball, Cuba is known to possess a plethora of skills in the game of ping pong. United States Table Tennis Federation (USTTF) spokesman Louis Rice is optimistic that there is a lot of “untapped potential” on the island.

The sport is adored by the country’s people, with tables popping up all over the country in recent years.

“They [Cubans] really have the best athletic build and mindset for the rigors of table tennis. I know of many proficient players that are already playing in their semi-pro leagues. We will also set up some camps to train the youth and then get them into our farm systems Rice.”

During the embargo on Cuba, many of the country’s best players had to escape the country illegally to another Latin American country before finally making it to America.

The new lack of risk is sure to encourage the Cubans to immigrate to the U.S. and it’s high-paying league.

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Posted in Sports, World News0 Comments

2015 AVN Awards to Feature NFL Injury Porn Category

2015 AVN Awards to Feature NFL Injury Porn Category

The Adult Video News (AVN) Awards considered by many to be the “Oscars of Porn” will have an additional award to announce at their Las Vegas ceremony this January.

According to a statement released by AVN Chairman and CEO Theo Sapoutzis, “We are pleased to announce that at this year’s award show we will be expanding from 136 awards to 137 in order to recognize the work of major media networks as they strive to indulge NFL fans in their lust for fresh angles on painful injuries. Continue Reading

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Northeastern Idaho State Makes College Football Playoff

Northeastern Idaho State Makes College Football Playoff

While most of the debate about the College Football Playoff has surrounded Ohio State, Baylor, and TCU, a surprise team sneaked into the playoff late on Monday night.

Northeastern Idaho State (formerly Northern Idaho Agricultural College) was selected by the playoff committee as the number four seed in the playoff.

After moving up from the FCS before this season, the school has had a remarkable run to finish 12-0 and a top of the prestigious Sunrise Conference. Continue Reading

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Baseball’s Giants Being Sued by Tall Community

Baseball’s Giants Being Sued by Tall Community

San Francisco, CA–In the midst of the Washington Redskins name-change debacle, there is another American professional sports team under fire for the insensitivity of its nickname.

The San Francisco Giants are in a lawsuit with the civil rights group The Large Humans Organization for the “Giants” name.

“We tall people are offended by this name, and it’s been far too long that America has ignored the atrocity” says LHO representative Joe Bigg, 6’7”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Sports2 Comments

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win

National pizza chain Papa Johns has posted a massive 1st quarter loss that is expected to hurt year end business results.

This is all in part to the deal the pizza chain has in cities with NFL teams.

Whenever a home team wins, Papa Johns offers 50% off of all orders.

As the Arizona Cardinals continue to win-win-win, Papa Johns is losing money quicker than a gambling addict in a casino. Continue Reading

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Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears is under fire again, but this time for more than just his turnovers. After losing to Green Bay Sunday night the embattled QB tweeted, “Aaron hasn’t spanked anyone that hard since his gay roommate moved out.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals4 Comments

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Officials overseeing the 31st Annual Bread N’ Basket Marathon held in downtown Philadelphia had several routine questions for this year’s winner, Breddie Murphy, after the 24-year-old won the race in a record time of 3 baskets and 7 sticks or 1 hour and 23 minutes, beating the previous record set by David Bredderman by almost 2 sticks or approximately 13 minutes.

“We question the winner of this prestigiously delicious race every year,” said lead official, Henry Bredgardener. Continue Reading

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Redskins Rebranded

Redskins Rebranded

To settle the festering controversy over the name of the Washington, D. C. football team – the Redskins – the team announced today that they are changing their logo to a red skinned potato. This allows the team to continue calling itself the Redskins, while only needing to alter their branding.

Team owner Dan Snyder, won made his money as a marketing mogul, has demonstrated that he hasn’t lost his flair.

“Reflecting on the events of the past year during Yom Kippur I came to the decision to end the strife between Native Americans and our team,” Snyder said in a statement released before tonight’s game against the Seattle Seahawks, “and we are now honoring a foundational starch in the American diet – native or not.”

In an agreement with the Idaho Potato Commission the team will be granted exclusive rights to the groups’ iconic Spuddy Buddy mascot.

As part of the logo’s introduction FedEx Field’s stadium food vendors will be featuring German potato salad and roasted red potatoes on their menus. French fries, however, will continue to be made from the traditional russets.

Controversy has dogged the team in recent years as Native American tribes have protested against what they call a racist stereotype. In recent weeks even some US Congresspersons, whose jurisdiction includes the District of Columbia, have called on the team to change its name. Native American tribal leaders contacted all expressed satisfaction that the situation had been resolved, and they would now be turning their attention to Kansas City.

Similarly, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell praised ownership’s out-of-the-box thinking to successfully resolve the problem with peaceful means, something that the league’s players seem to have more trouble with.

The new mascot, affectionately known as Spud, will make his debut on the field at this evening’s game.

Joe Kale, spokesman for the American Potato Growers Association, said the team has the support of potato farmers of all varieties, and will be considering future promotional tie-ins. “The nutritional value of potatoes has always been important in football player’s diets and this re-branding really demonstrates that”, he said, “and with Dan’s creative mind we will come up with many new ways to integrate potatoes into the team’s routine.” To start with, a load of 100 pound bags of new red potatoes were delivered to the Redskins training facilities to use in stair climb exercises. Can potato-shaped dumbbells be far behind?

Even the North American Vegetarian Society offered their support for the change. The Northwest Potato Coop, however, opined that the Yukon Golds, a Canadian hockey team they sponsor, was looking closely at the mascot to be sure there was no trademark infringement. “We want to be sure that there are no golds mixed in with the reds.”

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals21 Comments

Ray Rice Condemns Couple for Wasting Produce

Ray Rice Condemns Couple for Wasting Produce

Baltimore, Maryland – “That’s not the foundation for a healthy relationship,” suspended NFL running back, Ray Rice, shouted to the media from his front doorstep, Friday morning, moments after seeing video footage of a couple in his own neighborhood discarding spoiled fruits and vegetables.

“Man, that couple needs a FoodSaver vacuum, stat!” Rice added, while shaking his hand loose after knocking out his 102-year-old blind neighbor because she told him that he was not as fast as he used to be. Continue Reading

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Announcing a new, politically correct name for the Washington Redskins

Announcing a new, politically correct name for the Washington Redskins

Lately, all the media attention about the NFL has centered on the issue of domestic abuse. But long before that issue grabbed the headlines, another controversy had been building for months, even years: The often emotional debate over the name of the NFL team located in our nation’s capital: The Washington Redskins.

A tiny fringe group of annoyingly sensitive people, including 35 Native American tribes and more than 50 organizations that represent various groups of Native Americans, seem to think the term “redskin” is an offensive stereotype that stirs images of primitive, angry, bloodthirsty savages screaming menacingly and wishing to annihilate their enemy – in other words, acting like a typical Washington Redskins fan. And they are demanding that billionaire team owner Daniel Marc Snyder change the name to something less offensive – say, the Washington Camel Jockeys. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals2 Comments

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Minneapolis, Minnesota – Adrian Peterson has finally shed some light on the child abuse case brought against him last week that led to him being placed on the NFL’s exempt list.

“To be extremely blunt, I have always disciplined my kids by beating them with breadsticks,” Peterson said Wednesday afternoon at a news conference inside TCF Bank Stadium.

“Why do I choose breadsticks over a more lethal object? Because of their soft, buttery makeup, which is much gentler on the skin,” added Peterson before demonstrating his technique in front of the 200 people in attendance. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals3 Comments