MOGADISHU, Somalia (Glossy News) — A six-year old Somali girl has been given permission by the Somali government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of Somali earlier this year. The father/ daughter pair have been training for this solo adventure since March in a less-luxurious home-made craft.

When Abdul Omar Khalid got word that American 16-year old Abby Sunderland was setting out early in 2010 to sail solo around the world, he became enraged. Continue Reading

CLEVELAND, Ohio (GlossyNews) — The 10-story billboard of LeBron James that dominates Ontario Street in downtown Cleveland is being removed by the Nike company, which had sponsored the huge mural. According to a Nike spokesman, “We are removing the LeBron James Witness mural in downtown Cleveland and expect the process to be completed within a few days.” Continue Reading

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (GlossySports) -– While almost every Brazilian is saddened by the stunning loss of their team to the Netherlands in the quarter-final match, economists in Brazil are celebrating unabashedly, claiming that the loss has a decidedly silver lining. Continue Reading

DURBAN, South Africa (GlossyNews) — Four players on the North Korean Soccer Team have gone missing. They were unaccounted for on Friday when they failed to show up for practice.

Rumors are swirling that the missing team members have defected and are seeking political asylum in the host country of South Africa. While they probably would have been happier had the World Cup been played in a country that had a larger Korean population such as America or the United Kingdom, Continue Reading

Pyongyang, North Korea (GlossyNews) -– The North Korean government struck an agreement with the Asia-Pacific Broadcasting Union to beam a live broadcast of the soccer game on Monday of the match between North Korea and Portugal. But instead of this being a time to rejoice that North Korea’s ruler, Kim Jong Il is finally doing something to counteract the many human rights he has leveled against his people, the North Koreans believe he just did it to make their lives more miserable. Continue Reading

ANTOFAGASTA, Chile (GlossyNewsSA) — Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

OK, when that little boy climbed Everest, we thought it was sweet. He was with his Poppy, and there’s a mob of helpers and guides on those trips. I’m not discounting the achievement in any way, but you have to admit? Getting rich people to the top of Everest is about the only cash business in Nepal. Give those Sherpas $20K, they’ll carry you to the summit piggy back. I’m not saying anything we don’t all know, right?

But this dumb broad who has herself stranded in the Indian Ocean, that’s totally different. I’ll tell you one thing? That chica is lucky Maria and Consuela Lopez aren’t on the rescue fleet headed her way. We’d jerk her bald headed. Continue Reading

Las Vegas, NV (GlossyGaySports) Legal scholars hint that far reaching precedent may be the outcome of Dan Steele vs. Gay Bowling League America, set for opening arguments next week. At issue is GBLA’s stripping Steele of his 2009 championship, but Columbia’s Lance Forestall is among many who speak of wider implications.

Professor Forestall said, “We’re all aware of the surface facts. A losing contestant protested Steele’s victory on grounds of non-gayness. Steele’s defense was bisexuality, Continue Reading

GREENBAY, WI (GlossyNews) — In a surprising and unexpected career move, Brett Favre officially announced today that he is retiring from fatherhood.

“Since I have returned to the game I love, my attention will be shifting away from my family and back to football,” Favre told reporters during a mandatory practice earlier today. Continue Reading

Indianapolis, IN (GlossyNews) — Stunned NCAA officials are scrambling this afternoon as they attempt to deal with 16 stark raving mad college basketball players running amok across downtown Indianapolis. Continue Reading

Hollywoodland, CA (GlossySports) — ESPN’s latest NFL mock draft surprises many draft pundits, but it comes as absolutely no surprise to football analyst Mel Kiper, Jr.

Speaking to reporters earlier today, he defended his latest top draft pick projection.

“A lot of careful, methodical research has been done by my staff,” started the slick-haired Kiper. “And a lot of guessing. A lot of nervous, hectic, reckless guessing… We are projecting the top pick of this year’s NFL draft to be me, Mel Kiper, Jr.” Continue Reading

BARRINGTON, IL (GlossyNews) –Tiger Woods has threatened to leave the United States if Gatorade’s decision makers do not bend over backward, swallow their pride and reinstate their sponsorship. Sources close to Woods confirmed that the troubled golfer will leave the country temporarily to give Gatorade time for reflection, or as Woods’ spokesperson told reporters, “to reconsider their future involvement with Tiger.” He said that should the sports drink manufacturer remain firm in its resolve to cut all financial ties with Woods, the golfer would extend indefinitely his hiatus abroad. Continue Reading

The Winter Olympics in Vancouver have obviously taught us all some important lessons about bobsled safety and 40 million dollar opening ceremonies. However, some Americans are learning more than they ever expected from the Olympic coverage. Americans, globally renowned for a complete ignorance of geography, have discovered countries they didn’t know existed at all. Continue Reading

CHEYENNE, WY – Still recovering from the Tiger Woods scandal, the sports world finds itself mired in yet another public spectacle.

Three-time PBA tour champion Slim “Fats” Fettwanst is suing Lurlene Jenks, owner of the “Preemptive Strikes” 32-lane bowling alley just outside Cheyenne, Wyoming. Jenks stands accused of damaging Fettwanst’s equipment during a crucial moment in the final rounds of the tournament. Continue Reading

Number One golfer Tiger Woods, and the doctors treating him for sex addiction, claim he has made a complete recovery and no longer has any desire for sex at all.

Woods admitted himself into a sex rehab center in Hattiesburg, Mississippi after admitting to enjoying sex with no fewer than 100 women in the course of one year. After intensive therapy he no longer craves sex at all and hopes he never has sex again.

“Sex is icky and scary”, Woods told reporters. “I hope I never do that to myself again!” Continue Reading

ASPEN, Colorado — R&B sensation Bobby Brown left a successful stint with New Edition in 1987 to pursue a solo career, which garnered him a string of Top 10 Billboard hits and a Grammy Award. But Brown’s increasingly bizarre behavior throughout the 1990s and early 2000s began to overshadow his past glory. Continue Reading

Salt Lake City, UT – Thurl Bailey step aside, the LDS Church will soon have a new spokesmodel. In a bizarre turn of events yesterday morning, LDS Church elders in Salt Lake City announced that Tiger Woods has decided to join the Mormon Church. Woods, who has been searching for meaning to his life like a bum searching for change, stumbled upon two Mormon missionaries over the Christmas holidays and has embraced the faith. Continue Reading

This scene was captured by one of our authors last week, but we can’t publish it under her name because she was subsequently disqualified for using performance enhancing substances. We will still publish it, but we can’t give her credit, and our thanks to Roger Freed for picking up the torch where she passed out, even if he didn’t edit the text for length, readability or any sort of journalistic integrity. Continue Reading

With the advent of all white, American-only teams in the near future, many sports venues have followed suit by removing any snacks that originated in any country other than America. That means, hamburgers, originally from Hamburg, Germany and hot dogs, or frankfurters, originally from Frankfurt, Germany, will no longer be served. Nachos, a Mexican treat, and, of course, pizza, an Italian staple, will also not find their way onto the snack menu. Continue Reading