Posted on 26 September 2015.
Vladimir Putin has now liberated most Russian football clubs and has gently taken them under his wing, guiding them into the comforting and steady hands of public ownership.
So from now on, if private football clubs wish to remain private, they must now prove their moral and spiritual worth (say nothing of financial!), by making their players wear long shorts for modesty.
Especially the men’s clubs! Continue Reading
Posted in Sports Scandals, World News
Posted on 19 September 2015.
Former rugby legend Bucky Guinstella has begun his long march out of the sporting wilderness, and has embarked upon a new literary career as a Twitter troll.
However, the joke seems to be on him, and he is not having much success.
Maybe he’s just an unrecognised genius?
Well, time will tell. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk
Posted on 15 September 2015.
Self-styled, very much self-stylish, and scandalously glossy-cape-porting Caliph Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi has made thinking about football, dreaming about football, or otherwise being remotely aware of the historical existence of football, an unforgivable and inexcusable hate crime against The Greater Good.
Back of the Old Onion Swag
And on a completely unrelated note to the latter tyrannical and highly bureaucratic measure, the UK Government have passed a new benevolently-Tory-paternalistic motion. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports, World News
Posted on 13 September 2015.
The new season has already started over here, so time to take a more politically-conscious eye at the footballing world. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports, World News
Posted on 01 July 2015.
The recent revival of the Sepp Blatter affair http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/33303066
has led two of the former FIFA President’s most faithful
allies business partners supporters to pay tribute..
To this leading light of international gamesmanship…
Tony Blair said:
People are criticizing Blatter now, but as I always say, ‘it’s not over ‘til it’s over.’ Just let History be the judge. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports Scandals
Posted on 26 May 2015.
FIFA president Sepp Blatter insists that he’s not using a fake name, but he also swears his sworn alliance to ISIS is likewise legitimate.
FIFA and ISIS. One is a ruthless, soulless dictatorship that destroys everything in its path and the other is an Islamic terrorist organization. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports Scandals, War Zone
Posted on 14 May 2015.
Foxborough, Massachusetts – Only hours after the NFL suspended two-time MVP quarterback, Tom Brady, for the first four games of the 2015 season, New England Patriots owner, Robert Kraft and head coach, Bill Belichick, announced the signing of the player taking Brady’s place for the first month of the season. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals
Posted on 01 May 2015.
Chicago, Illinois – As the 2015 NFL draft is set to begin tonight at 8pm (est), the scientific community added to the excitement with a groundbreaking announcement last night that the brains of current and former NFL players, Michael Vick and Terrell Owens, are donating their bodies for scientific research. The Brain Injury Association of America, based in Vienna, Virginia released the news during a charity event held annually as part of pre-draft traditions.
“This is a historic day for the National Football League and the Brain Injury Association!” The Association’s CEO, Susan H. Connors said. “Today, we have the brains of our players making the generous decision to donate their host bodies to science for the purpose of expanding our knowledge of how these erratic, yet affluent creatures work,” Connors added, while gently patting the cerebral hemispheres of Michael Vick’s cerebrum just after it removed itself from Michael Vick’s cranium.
According to the Association, the brains communicated their generous request to scientists through an electroencephalography (EEG) machine, a device that picks up brain activity via electrical pulses transmitted by means of magnetic head gear.
“Simply astounding!” Said Electroencephalogist, Heinrich T. Heimichschlopper, while showing charts of the communication to the 300 combined players, coaches and sponsors in attendance Wednesday night. “The brains didn’t offer a reason for making their contribution, but said these bodies could go to better use than is being made in their current states,” Heimichschlopper added.
The 80th annual meeting of National Football League franchises selecting newly eligible football players will be held at the Auditorium Theatre on the campus of Roosevelt University and televised nationwide.
Posted in Sports, Sports Events
Posted on 06 March 2015.
Los Angeles, California – Hundreds of skiers, snowboarders and snow tubers celebrated the grand opening of Mount Thang, located in the eastern side of the city this past weekend.
In addition to celebrating Los Angeles’ first snow sighting since a light dusting fell in Malibu back in 2007, all attending guests had the opportunity to chat with celebrities, including the mountain’s popular owner, O’Shea Jackson, Sr., better known by his stage name, Ice Cube. Continue Reading
Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports
Posted on 25 February 2015.
I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next guy, but a 1.5 mile race over dirt where the athlete’s cutoff age is three years old is probably not my cup of toffee.
Promoters are shameless, predicting no shortage of competitors for the top prize. As a parent, I’m disgusted, but for $800,000 I have to admit I’d consider it.
An email response from the mayor of Elmont, New York, where the race is being held, was as shameless as it was tone deaf. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports Events
Posted on 24 February 2015.
Boise, ID—Lifeguard Brian McKearney broke a YMCA lifeguarding record today.
“I’m on top of the world,” he said while being carried away to the employee’s lounge on the shoulders of his fellow aquatic guardians. McKearney could be heard yelling over the explosion of bursting Champaign corks, “Hasselhoff ain’t got nothing on me.” Continue Reading
Posted in Sports
Posted on 23 February 2015.
If there are two things Kentucky is famous for, and there is not, it’s Fried Chicken and the annual horse race watched, it is believed, by spectators.
But once again the specter of steroids in sports has reared it’s ugly head and stomped it’s hoof twice for “yes”.
Long shot filly Knobs At Hand is unlikely to win, but his trainer Big Dave Galaga is not about to leave anything to chance. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals
Posted on 22 February 2015.
According to latest sports reports, the number of teams winning this week was once again equal to the number of teams losing.
The odds of the same number of teams winning as losing over the entirety of history is impossible according to some, or based on the words of others, completely predictable.
In fact checking this story we looked at ESPN and the sports betting site, SportsbookNavigator.com, and early numbers appear to pencil out. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports
Posted on 06 February 2015.
Milford, Connecticut – After weeks of controversy against Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots for whether they intentionally let air out of game balls, Tom Brady finally stepped forward in an interview on the Dan Patrick Show last night and stated “Yes, my balls were deflated,” during Patrick’s famous Truth or Fair segment.
According to Brady, the New England Patriots staff started deflating his balls prior to each game to make them easier for the team’s running backs to hold onto and for receivers to catch. Continue Reading
Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals
Posted on 05 February 2015.
“Maybe I should do a French Kiss with another superstar like Brittany Spears and Madonna did. I wonder if Taylor Swift would be available for that? Or should I do an underwear-less limo exit like Brittany did that one time? That got a lot of coverage.”
A lot of money and concern is spent by performers and by the NFL alike preparing for the biggest sporting event and one of the biggest entertainment shows of the year in the U.S. Almost anything goes for this colossal showcase which mixes the two key elements that made America great — show business and football. Almost anything… Continue Reading
Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Events
Posted on 23 January 2015.
NEW YORK – Many American football fans may not realize that the National Football League (NFL) is not a corporation, but a tax-exempt organization.
Recently some real die-hard fans have been donating money to their beloved NFL, even though their donations are not tax-deductible.
“Football is my life,” says Wayne Smetsky of Green Bay, Wisconsin, who recently donated $500 to the NFL. Continue Reading
Posted in Entertainment, Sports Events