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2015 AVN Awards to Feature NFL Injury Porn Category

2015 AVN Awards to Feature NFL Injury Porn Category

The Adult Video News (AVN) Awards considered by many to be the “Oscars of Porn” will have an additional award to announce at their Las Vegas ceremony this January.

According to a statement released by AVN Chairman and CEO Theo Sapoutzis, “We are pleased to announce that at this year’s award show we will be expanding from 136 awards to 137 in order to recognize the work of major media networks as they strive to indulge NFL fans in their lust for fresh angles on painful injuries. Continue Reading

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Northeastern Idaho State Makes College Football Playoff

Northeastern Idaho State Makes College Football Playoff

While most of the debate about the College Football Playoff has surrounded Ohio State, Baylor, and TCU, a surprise team sneaked into the playoff late on Monday night.

Northeastern Idaho State (formerly Northern Idaho Agricultural College) was selected by the playoff committee as the number four seed in the playoff.

After moving up from the FCS before this season, the school has had a remarkable run to finish 12-0 and a top of the prestigious Sunrise Conference. Continue Reading

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Baseball’s Giants Being Sued by Tall Community

Baseball’s Giants Being Sued by Tall Community

San Francisco, CA–In the midst of the Washington Redskins name-change debacle, there is another American professional sports team under fire for the insensitivity of its nickname.

The San Francisco Giants are in a lawsuit with the civil rights group The Large Humans Organization for the “Giants” name.

“We tall people are offended by this name, and it’s been far too long that America has ignored the atrocity” says LHO representative Joe Bigg, 6’7”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Sports2 Comments

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win

National pizza chain Papa Johns has posted a massive 1st quarter loss that is expected to hurt year end business results.

This is all in part to the deal the pizza chain has in cities with NFL teams.

Whenever a home team wins, Papa Johns offers 50% off of all orders.

As the Arizona Cardinals continue to win-win-win, Papa Johns is losing money quicker than a gambling addict in a casino. Continue Reading

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Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears is under fire again, but this time for more than just his turnovers. After losing to Green Bay Sunday night the embattled QB tweeted, “Aaron hasn’t spanked anyone that hard since his gay roommate moved out.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals4 Comments

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Officials overseeing the 31st Annual Bread N’ Basket Marathon held in downtown Philadelphia had several routine questions for this year’s winner, Breddie Murphy, after the 24-year-old won the race in a record time of 3 baskets and 7 sticks or 1 hour and 23 minutes, beating the previous record set by David Bredderman by almost 2 sticks or approximately 13 minutes.

“We question the winner of this prestigiously delicious race every year,” said lead official, Henry Bredgardener. Continue Reading

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Redskins Rebranded

Redskins Rebranded

To settle the festering controversy over the name of the Washington, D. C. football team – the Redskins – the team announced today that they are changing their logo to a red skinned potato. This allows the team to continue calling itself the Redskins, while only needing to alter their branding.

Team owner Dan Snyder, won made his money as a marketing mogul, has demonstrated that he hasn’t lost his flair.

“Reflecting on the events of the past year during Yom Kippur I came to the decision to end the strife between Native Americans and our team,” Snyder said in a statement released before tonight’s game against the Seattle Seahawks, “and we are now honoring a foundational starch in the American diet – native or not.”

In an agreement with the Idaho Potato Commission the team will be granted exclusive rights to the groups’ iconic Spuddy Buddy mascot.

As part of the logo’s introduction FedEx Field’s stadium food vendors will be featuring German potato salad and roasted red potatoes on their menus. French fries, however, will continue to be made from the traditional russets.

Controversy has dogged the team in recent years as Native American tribes have protested against what they call a racist stereotype. In recent weeks even some US Congresspersons, whose jurisdiction includes the District of Columbia, have called on the team to change its name. Native American tribal leaders contacted all expressed satisfaction that the situation had been resolved, and they would now be turning their attention to Kansas City.

Similarly, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell praised ownership’s out-of-the-box thinking to successfully resolve the problem with peaceful means, something that the league’s players seem to have more trouble with.

The new mascot, affectionately known as Spud, will make his debut on the field at this evening’s game.

Joe Kale, spokesman for the American Potato Growers Association, said the team has the support of potato farmers of all varieties, and will be considering future promotional tie-ins. “The nutritional value of potatoes has always been important in football player’s diets and this re-branding really demonstrates that”, he said, “and with Dan’s creative mind we will come up with many new ways to integrate potatoes into the team’s routine.” To start with, a load of 100 pound bags of new red potatoes were delivered to the Redskins training facilities to use in stair climb exercises. Can potato-shaped dumbbells be far behind?

Even the North American Vegetarian Society offered their support for the change. The Northwest Potato Coop, however, opined that the Yukon Golds, a Canadian hockey team they sponsor, was looking closely at the mascot to be sure there was no trademark infringement. “We want to be sure that there are no golds mixed in with the reds.”

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Ray Rice Condemns Couple for Wasting Produce

Ray Rice Condemns Couple for Wasting Produce

Baltimore, Maryland – “That’s not the foundation for a healthy relationship,” suspended NFL running back, Ray Rice, shouted to the media from his front doorstep, Friday morning, moments after seeing video footage of a couple in his own neighborhood discarding spoiled fruits and vegetables.

“Man, that couple needs a FoodSaver vacuum, stat!” Rice added, while shaking his hand loose after knocking out his 102-year-old blind neighbor because she told him that he was not as fast as he used to be. Continue Reading

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Announcing a new, politically correct name for the Washington Redskins

Announcing a new, politically correct name for the Washington Redskins

Lately, all the media attention about the NFL has centered on the issue of domestic abuse. But long before that issue grabbed the headlines, another controversy had been building for months, even years: The often emotional debate over the name of the NFL team located in our nation’s capital: The Washington Redskins.

A tiny fringe group of annoyingly sensitive people, including 35 Native American tribes and more than 50 organizations that represent various groups of Native Americans, seem to think the term “redskin” is an offensive stereotype that stirs images of primitive, angry, bloodthirsty savages screaming menacingly and wishing to annihilate their enemy – in other words, acting like a typical Washington Redskins fan. And they are demanding that billionaire team owner Daniel Marc Snyder change the name to something less offensive – say, the Washington Camel Jockeys. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals2 Comments

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Minneapolis, Minnesota – Adrian Peterson has finally shed some light on the child abuse case brought against him last week that led to him being placed on the NFL’s exempt list.

“To be extremely blunt, I have always disciplined my kids by beating them with breadsticks,” Peterson said Wednesday afternoon at a news conference inside TCF Bank Stadium.

“Why do I choose breadsticks over a more lethal object? Because of their soft, buttery makeup, which is much gentler on the skin,” added Peterson before demonstrating his technique in front of the 200 people in attendance. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals3 Comments

Roger Goodell Diverts Media’s Attention at News Conference

Roger Goodell Diverts Media’s Attention at News Conference

New York, NY – All eyes were focused on Roger Goodell Wednesday afternoon as the National Football League’s Commissioner was expected to address the media regarding his alleged awareness of the video featuring Ray Rice striking his future wife, Janay Palmer, prior to it being leaked by the celebrity news website, TMZ, late last week.

“I would like to start this conference by addressing a much more serious issue regarding an endangered species, the breadstick,” said Goodell, while holding a basket of warm, buttery breadsticks that he distributed to everyone in attendance. Continue Reading

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St. Louis Rams Cut Michael Sam for Being “Not Gay Enough”

St. Louis Rams Cut Michael Sam for Being “Not Gay Enough”

ST. LOUIS – In a statement released today by St. Louis Rams Head Coach Jeff Fischer, defensive end Michael Sam did not make the latest round of roster cuts because of his apparent lack of homosexual tendencies.

“Honestly, as a team, we wanted to show the world that the National Football League was ready for an openly gay player,” said Fischer.

“But with a less-than-expected amount of what one would consider ‘typical gay behavior,’ Michael Sam just was not our guy.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sportsfolk1 Comment

Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President

Rachel Maddow of the left-leaning news network™ MSNBC has defended Hillary Clinton from malicious and false conservative allegations™ that she is bad at basketball. See this transcript:

“The enemies of the Democratic Party™, is there any depths to which they will not stoop™ to insult this woman with malicious and self-evidently false™, I mean absolutely ridiculously implausible allegations™?

“I believe if Hillary Clinton were a man, no-one would ever criticize her in this way™.

“I mean, she goes to a school to talk to the kids, misses a few hoops, and Republican trolls descend upon her like vultures, accusing her of bad faith when she actually correctly confirmed in her interview with me™ that she is quite the basketball player.

“Yes, all right, just have a look at this pic™ of Hillary being confronted by these people… and this twitter footage™… unbelievable, isn’t it™? You know, I have a suspicion™ that this school set the basketball hoop deliberately high, so that she would miss it.

“Worse than a glass ceiling, huh? You know, I’m not going to say for sure™, I mean there sure are a lot of Republicans in that State, and I guess I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions™. I guess this is a country where a certain kind of woman™…. Huh-huh!… like Palin or Bachmann, are permitted to thrive and prosper, but successful and talented women like Clinton™ go to the wall.

“By the way, people are saying that Elizabeth Warren is much better™, but I really… you know I really wish people would shut up about this other woman Elizabeth Warren™. You know, seriously dude… Hillary for President™… you know it makes sense!™ Oh… oh my gosh, sorry, I didn’t mean to™ explicitly endorse a possible future presidential candidate… my bad!™ Guess that’s media objectivity™ for you!”

Future opinion polls will determine what effect Maddow’s inadvertent endorsement™ of Clinton might have.

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Posted in Politics, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Saturday night NASCAR icon Tony Stewart single-handedly quadrupled NASCAR’s slumping television ratings when he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr in a Sprint Car race at Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York.

Ward, 20, had been run into the wall by Stewart the lap before, wrecking his #13 Sprint car and in a jealous rage, Ward confronted Stewart’s car on foot, wagging a very intimidating finger at the former NASCAR champion.

One car swerved to avoid the irate driver but Stewart didn’t miss his target, striking the 20-year-old and dragging him several feet to his death. Continue Reading

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Billy Beane in attempted trade for Trout: “F*** it”

Billy Beane in attempted trade for Trout: “F*** it”

ANAHEIM – This morning, general manager Billy Beane of the Oakland Athletics attempted the trade of a lifetime.

Jerry Dipoto, GM of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, tells source that Beane contacted him in the early hours of the morning with an offer he “couldn’t refuse.”

Beane called the Dipoto home around 4am and told the former pitcher “F*** it. I’m ready.” He then allegedly tried to offer up the entire 2014 Oakland Athletics roster in exchange for Angels marquee player, Mike Trout. Continue Reading

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Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf

Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf

There’s nothing elegant about a three-year-old putting madly at a ball he can’t seem to square up on, but it seems one channel has gone the extra mile by making him an internet sensation.

The golfer in question is a young man named Max, and apparently it’s short for Maximum Putt Swings, because this kid is a hacker on the highest order, and his swing isn’t merely unrefined, but refreshingly wild. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Sportsfolk0 Comments

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