Archive | Sports

Rio 2016 Olympic Opening Ceremony Exposes Non-existent Countries

Rio 2016 Olympic Opening Ceremony Exposes Non-existent Countries

The international community is trying to come to terms with the shock revelation that some countries with which other nations have links simply do not exist.

Two hundred and seven countries were represented at the opening ceremony of Rio 2016, and it is now clear that at least eight had been invented. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports, Sports Events, Sports Scandals0 Comments

LeBron breaks the Cleveland curse

LeBron breaks the Cleveland curse

Being a sports fan in Cleveland does not make for an easy life, considering the the rollercoaster of emotions the teams from the region have put their supporters through.

The Cleveland Browns are renowned for their collapses in the 1980s in the two AFC Championship matches against the Denver Broncos, nicknamed ‘The Drive’ and ‘The Fumble’.

Broncos quarterback John Elway led a 99-yard drive to lead his side to the Super Bowl, breaking Browns’ hearts, while one year later running back Ernest Byner fumbled on the goalline against the same opponent, spurning the chance to tie the game.

Cleveland have endured similar horror shows in the world of basketball and baseball. A young man by the name of LeBron James aimed to break the ‘Cleveland Curse’ after being drafted first overall by his home state club in 2003. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports Events, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Joshua plans to unify heavyweight division ahead of Breazeale fight

Joshua plans to unify heavyweight division ahead of Breazeale fight

Ahead of his first title defence of his IBF heavyweight belt, Anthony Joshua has revealed plans to unify the heavyweight division, despite his relative inexperience in the sport. Never lacking in confidence, Joshua believes that he can reach far greater heights in the world of boxing, with the former Olympic gold medallist holding a perfect professional record from his sixteen fights to date. Joshua takes on American Dominic 88Breazeale at the end of the month, and has been training with the GB Olympic squad in preparation.

The Londoner is the overwhelming favourite with the bookmakers for the fight, with Betway offering odds of 1/33 for Joshua to come out victorious. With the fight scheduled to once again be held at the capital’s O2 Arena, the bright lights of Las Vegas will surely be waiting in the wings should Joshua impress against Breazeale. Joshua claimed the IBF title after a second round knockout of Charles Martin, and with 31 KO’s from 33 wins between himself and Breazeale, fans inside the area on June 25th could well be set for more fireworks. You can find his betting odds on Betway, as well as a full schedule of boxing match ups for the upcoming months.

Also on the card for the night of boxing is George Groves, as he returns to the ring against Martin Murray, in what is an eliminator for the WBA world super-middleweight title. Groves is the 2/5 favourite with Betway having defeated David Brophy by way of knock out last time around. Elsewhere, Chris Eubank Jr defends his British middleweight title against Welshman Tom Doran, with the son of the former great given favourable 1/25 on odds by Betway.

At the start of July, we see the much anticipated rematch between Tyson Fury and Wladimir Klitchsko, as the pair meet in Manchester. Despite Fury playing down his chances in the build up to the fight, having ridiculed his own weight and sparring performances, the WBA champion is 20/21 with Betway to claim victory on home soil. Joshua has long been linked with an all British heavyweight contest with Fury since his breakthrough in the division, and is 4/5 with Betway should a potential fight get the go ahead in the future.

 

 

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Andy Tate & Louis Van Gaal Respond to Latest Glazer Improvements of Man United

Andy Tate & Louis Van Gaal Respond to Latest Glazer Improvements of Man United

Last time, we told yer all about t’ Glazer family’s shoddy attempts t’ finally sort out United and make ‘em all ‘bright, clean & nice-looking guys.’ But ‘ow has this news been received, eh?

Andy Tate rants:

Avram Glazer, yer are a priiiiiize nob! Ya got the business on a flamin’ technicality, all because ah a bloody legend ‘oo as told yer the rest o’ us wooden pay nah mind if yer went on ahead and roooooined us club. Well let me tell ya this, Av…
The name’s Avram Glazer, well Ah’ve ad enough bad treatment rammed down my throat wi’ all yer stupid, stupid business games, yer flamin’ spermburpin’ dingalows!

Louis Van Gaal is less bothered:

I just can’t see what all the fuss is about. I mean, they’re only fans, after all. They should just stop being so arrogant, and thinking it’s all about them!

Anyway, I’m more worried about how much longer we can keep up outclassing Norwich City. This massive purple patch might just be unsustainable. And Even Eric Black is starting to get a bit cocky when he’s trolling me on Twitter. Let me try and get our priorities right!

Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Glazers & Manchester United: A Proper Free Market Corporation at Last!

Glazers & Manchester United: A Proper Free Market Corporation at Last!

Notable across-the-pond sporting enterpreneurs ‘The Glazer lads, PLC.’ have recently decided that the old-fashioned European way of doing football just isn’t financially viable for such a serious enterpreneurial concern as Manchester United Soccer, uh, Whatever Club.

So, they have now renamed their most lucrative business concern yet as the ‘Glazer Family and Co. Manchester, England United-and-Incorporated European Soccer Entertainment Corporation.’ Or just GFACMEUAIESEC for short. (ish). Continue Reading

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South African Rugby Team To Play US At American Football

South African Rugby Team To Play US At American Football

After disappointment at the Rugby World Cup 2015, which included arguably the most shocking defeat in the tournament’s history, team coach Heyneke Meyer yesterday confirmed that the Springbok will take a yearlong hiatus to pursue ‘other opportunities’.

Team captain Flourie du Preez later confirmed the news, adding that the team with be facing a US ‘All Star’ team at American Football in July 2016. Responding to journalists at a fundraising event in Pretoria he said, “I’ve always fancied playing quarter back and I could use the additional income, so why not?” Continue Reading

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Van Gaal’s football by numbness misses United’s point

Van Gaal’s football by numbness misses United’s point

Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal is nothing if not a pragmatist. Bristling at criticism of his side’s lack of attacking flair of late, the Dutchman has insisted that his team is still a work in progress.

It is, as he has labelled it, at a moment in an ongoing process.

United’s fans, spoiled as they were during the unprecedented entertainment levels of the Sir Alex Ferguson era, are unimpressed. ‘Processes’ are not what they pay to see. Continue Reading

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Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

In historic fashion, the curse of the Billy Goat again reared its ugly head on those Lovable Losers, the Chicago Cubs.

Game four of the National League Championship Series ended with the New York Mets beating the Cubbies by the score of 8-3, sweeping the team everyone thought was destined to win the World Series because Back to the Future predicted it.

The Mets hammered Chicago Cub pitcher Jason Hammel so bad he only lasted two innings innings in the post season game, ensuring the continuation of planetary rotation and balance within the cosmos. Continue Reading

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Is there really a conspiracy against Mourinho’s Chelsea?

Is there really a conspiracy against Mourinho’s Chelsea?

Chelsea strode to the Premier League title last season after a dominant performance for the majority of the campaign. The Blues were streets ahead of their nearest rivals and Jose Mourinho’s men had high hopes prior to the start of the 2015-16 season.

However, they have failed to inspire confidence and Chelsea are looking more like relegation candidates than defending champions. Despite their poor form and performances, Mourinho has tried to put the blame on luck and refereeing decisions.

For the past few years, the Portuguese has claimed in the press that there is a conspiracy against his side. While he very rarely accepts that they were simply outplayed by the opposition, Mourinho tends to give credit to their conquerors. After the recent 3-1 home defeat by Southampton, the Chelsea boss was once again discussing a lack of refereeing decisions to his men and placed the blame on referee Robert Madley (see video below). The Portuguese believes that Madley is not the only official to have a campaign against his side and insists that the Premier League’s top referees all enjoy watching the Blues lose. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports2 Comments

Putin Smirks: ‘I Venerate the Sweat of Sportsmen in the Evening’

Putin Smirks: ‘I Venerate the Sweat of Sportsmen in the Evening’

Vladimir Putin has now liberated most Russian football clubs and has gently taken them under his wing, guiding them into the comforting and steady hands of public ownership.

So from now on, if private football clubs wish to remain private, they must now prove their moral and spiritual worth (say nothing of financial!), by making their players wear long shorts for modesty.

Especially the men’s clubs! Continue Reading

Posted in Sports Scandals, World News0 Comments

Harry Redknapp’s Resounding Victory over Twitter Trolls

Harry Redknapp’s Resounding Victory over Twitter Trolls

Former rugby legend Bucky Guinstella has begun his long march out of the sporting wilderness, and has embarked upon a new literary career as a Twitter troll.

However, the joke seems to be on him, and he is not having much success.

Maybe he’s just an unrecognised genius?

Well, time will tell. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Glossy News Soccer, um, FOOTBALL Round-up! (2/2)

Glossy News Soccer, um, FOOTBALL Round-up! (2/2)

Football Legend

Self-styled, very much self-stylish, and scandalously glossy-cape-porting Caliph Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi has made thinking about football, dreaming about football, or otherwise being remotely aware of the historical existence of football, an unforgivable and inexcusable hate crime against The Greater Good.

Back of the Old Onion Swag

And on a completely unrelated note to the latter tyrannical and highly bureaucratic measure, the UK Government have passed a new benevolently-Tory-paternalistic motion. Continue Reading

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Glossy News Soccer, um, FOOTBALL Round-up! (1/2)

Glossy News Soccer, um, FOOTBALL Round-up! (1/2)

The new season has already started over here, so time to take a more politically-conscious eye at the footballing world. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports, World News0 Comments

Blair, Berlusconi Salute Blatter’s Character and Integrity

Blair, Berlusconi Salute Blatter’s Character and Integrity

The recent revival of the Sepp Blatter affair http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/33303066

has led two of the former FIFA President’s most faithful allies business partners supporters to pay tribute..

To this leading light of international gamesmanship…

Uh, ‘sport.’

Tony Blair said:

People are criticizing Blatter now, but as I always say, ‘it’s not over ‘til it’s over.’ Just let History be the judge. Continue Reading

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FIFA Joins Forces with ISIS: “It’s a Perfect Match”

FIFA Joins Forces with ISIS: “It’s a Perfect Match”

FIFA president Sepp Blatter insists that he’s not using a fake name, but he also swears his sworn alliance to ISIS is likewise legitimate.

FIFA and ISIS. One is a ruthless, soulless dictatorship that destroys everything in its path and the other is an Islamic terrorist organization. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports Scandals, War Zone3 Comments

With Tom Brady Suspension Looming, Patriots Introduce New QB

With Tom Brady Suspension Looming, Patriots Introduce New QB

Foxborough, Massachusetts – Only hours after the NFL suspended two-time MVP quarterback, Tom Brady, for the first four games of the 2015 season, New England Patriots owner, Robert Kraft and head coach, Bill Belichick, announced the signing of the player taking Brady’s place for the first month of the season. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals1 Comment

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