As the few remaining Tea Party freshmen and ‘Blue dog’ Democrats who are not embroiled in sex scandals stress their fiscal hawk credentials, some say it was inevitable that Obamacare would eventually feel the heat, and not just due to an untreated infection.

Sources close to the White House say nitpicking certain provisions from the Affordable Health Care Act is nothing but political posturing, while those on the other side of the debate call them obstructionist extremists. Read the full story

DENMARK (Glossynews.com International) –A new study currently underway in Denmark could prove that prolonged exposure to darkness may improve symptoms of merriment and cheer in people who are “entirely too happy.”

While the evidence is inconclusive, researchers say that the study is promising for therapists who are losing dozens of potential patients to the inherent joy and positive nature of the Danish people. Read the full story

Local doctor Rory Allen, who recently completed his residency and entered private practice as a gynecologist, declared today that he can’t get over his recent good run with the opposite sex. Bespectacled Allen, 27, who admits that he’d always been a bit of a loser with the girls, says that lately he can believe how many women are throwing themselves at him. Read the full story

Surgeons have had great difficulty with fitting former President of Vice Dick Cheney (aka- ‘Tricky Dicky the Second’) with a transplanted heart. Each attempt to put a foreign heart into the open breast of Mr. Cheney has resulted in rejection- not Mr. Cheney’s body rejecting the heart but rather in a show of patriotic, defiant, graft versus host disease sort of way, the heart is rejecting Mr. Cheney. Read the full story

PRESCOTT, AZ — GlossyNews.com: Re-elected Sen. John McCain, going on 74, seemed to coast to victory in November, easily beating Tuscon Democrat Rodney Glassman to hang onto his Arizona Senate seat. But his wife’s new chic haircut got major press, and this threw the 5-term senator into a major funk. Read the full story

IMPORTANT – IF YOU ARE NOT A CARD CARRYING MEMBER OF “CONFEDERATION OF SOCIALISTS INTENT ON BRINGING DOWN THE CAPITALIST DRAGON AMERICA”, THEN DO NOT READ THIS…

Comrades!
The situation is dire!
Our plans lay fast in rubble before us!

Our goal to subjugate the great capitalistic tyrant the United States and lead them to the glories of socialism has run aground. The attempt to sneak Marx-Engels philosophies into the pattern of American politics has been uncovered again and again by the ever intrepid FOX News and their highly elite and patriotic staff. Read the full story

Appearing at a news conference plopped inside a prosthetic device that could only be described as a bucket, Sally Field wondered if anyone will still like her after she experienced a violent adverse reaction to the osteoporosis drug, Boniva.

“A few days ago I finally decided to read the million-word warning label after touting this crap on TV all these years,” testified a barely audible Field, “and I noticed that parts of it were blacked out like some kind of secret CIA document being released to the public. So I decided to call my agent, who got me into this mess, and while I was on hold-there’s no other word for it-I imploded. Read the full story

SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America.

Based on the concept of “been there, done that” but in a more professional sense, the doctors came up with a plan that they say will revolutionize the way people are treated for minor mishaps. The doctors claim that most people nowadays know their way around the internet pretty well. Read the full story

SINGAPORE (GlossyNews) — Media experts have been observing a recent trend in how seemingly simple events are portrayed by our news sources. Radical interpretations of ordinary incidents in the lives of the famous seem to be going through major distortions. How we perceive events in our reality is colored by prejudices, opinions and attitudes that we already have present in our minds. Nowhere is this more evident than in the world of politics. Take an example from a day in the life of President Obama as seen by a normal person and as seen by the agents of FOX News: Read the full story

Botox Village, CA (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Speaking to a group of her firmest supporters, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi vowed Democrats will introduce sweeping legislation guaranteeing free health care for all pets. While this was once viewed as a “wedge myth,” it seems the soon-to-be-ousted Speaker of the House has no qualms about settling the score once and for all. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to restart the nation’s divisive healthcare debate, major insurance companies announced new healthcare plans featuring controversial “self-serve” medical options designed to reduce costs.

“Our new self-serve options for childbirth, surgery and annual physical exams provide consumers with more choices while reducing the escalating cost of care,” said a representative for WellPoint, one of the nation’s largest health insurers.  Aetna and UnitedHealth Group also announced new self-serve options. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Glossy News) — Last December, following a foiled terrorist airline attack, airports implemented full body scans, prompting many air travelers to wonder what additional security procedures they would have to endure. The wondering can stop. Yesterday, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced a comprehensive battery of new health care-friendly airport screenings. In addition to full body scans, air travelers will now be able to get free CAT scans, MRIs, dental cleanings and even yearly physicals while going through security. Read the full story

Biloxi, MS (GlossyNews) — Gordon P Chastain, better known to the world as “Gordy” Chastain has died before his time, at the age of four, due to complications from malnutrition and insufficient pediatric medical care.

The child, who was to become one of the world’s most powerful men, died in the arms of a social worker because the programs which kept him alive through to adolescence had been slashed or never funded. Read the full story

Prescott, AZ (GlossyNews) — Captain Dudley Engelbrook, 91, of Chino Valley, Arizona is seeking asylum in Greece, Iceland, and several other European countries. Years of shoddy health care combined with the loss of veterans’ benefits, says the proud veteran of the Battle of the Bulge, “made life hell” for him.

Tired of living in subsidized housing, where he was afraid to come and go and was “surrounded by psychos, thieves, druggies, racist gangsters and murderers” — and even offered child prostitutes — he decided in 2003 to rent a small, dilapidated barn from a girlfriend. Read the full story

Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — In a bold bid to rally voter support for healthcare reform and boost Democrats’ election prospects, President Obama announced today the resignation of Vice President Joe Biden and appointment of television actor Patrick Dempsey to replace him.

Dempsey, best known for his portrayal of Dr. Derek Shepherd on the popular television series Grey’s Anatomy, has no previous political experience but is seen as a canny choice by Washington insiders. Read the full story

Roswell, NM (GlossyNews) — The Right Wing leaders in the US House and Senate have declared they are preparing their Mother Ship to return to wherever they came from now that Obama’s health care plan was passed into law.

“We came here over two hundred years ago with one mission,” announced a bleak Mitch McConnell, flanked by the rest of the conservative leadership, “to rip apart the social fabric of the United States, to keep the downtrodden under the jack boot of oppression, to slice and dice humanity and pit the slices against each other for political gain, Read the full story