Tag Archive | "health care"

Obamacare Didn’t Falter, but was Crashed by Attacks; DDOS & GOP


As sure as the moneyed-interests opposed Obama to the tune of nearly a billion dollars in 2012, the same interests have come back to crash the ACA (Obamacare) on two fronts, and they’ve done a masterful job of it.

The healthcare signup site, designed only to direct the masses to individual state-run websites, has been crashed by only a few thousand “legitimate” customers… how does that happen? You almost might wonder if there’s a conspiracy here. Read the full story

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Have Americans discovered the secret to happiness?


His Excellency, Lyoncho Karma Tobgye, Minister of Happiness in the Kingdom of Bhutan, asked to meet me because of my reputation for telling the truth while avoiding or inventing facts, which is the opposite of most journalists. Here is a transcript of our conversation:

RIGHT: Artwork by Henry Martin. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Mitt Romney Vows to Eliminate “The Poverty”


GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced today that when he is elected he will eliminate poverty by systematically eliminating poor people.

“Poor and under-insured elderly people put a tremendous strain on our county’s resources”, Romney stated at a campaign event.

“The only way to deal with this problem is to eliminate poor and elderly people from the United States”. Read the full story

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Florida Gov. Rick Scott Steps Down Citing Medical Reasons


TALLAHASSEE – Florida Gov. Rick Scott stepped down today as leader of the Sunshine State after confidential reports surfaced, which we will not share. These private, personal, legally protected documents, which are confidential, prove the governor withheld a 2008 diagnosis of adult Asperger Disorder from voters.

Lt. Governor Jennifer Carroll was immediately sworn into office as Florida’s 46th governor. Read the full story

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Founding Fathers Protest Holmes-Cruise Divorce


This news site previously reported that the recent rising from the grave by America’s Founding Fathers was in direct protest of the Supreme Court ruling that declared the Affordable Care Act constitutional.

As stated by Founding Father and second President of the United States John Adams, we could not be more wrong. Read the full story

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Obamacare to Include Mood Ring Mandate?


As the few remaining Tea Party freshmen and ‘Blue dog’ Democrats who are not embroiled in sex scandals stress their fiscal hawk credentials, some say it was inevitable that Obamacare would eventually feel the heat, and not just due to an untreated infection.

Sources close to the White House say nitpicking certain provisions from the Affordable Health Care Act is nothing but political posturing, while those on the other side of the debate call them obstructionist extremists. Read the full story

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Darkness Therapy May Increase Depression in World’s Happiest Country


DENMARK (Glossynews.com International) –A new study currently underway in Denmark could prove that prolonged exposure to darkness may improve symptoms of merriment and cheer in people who are “entirely too happy.”

While the evidence is inconclusive, researchers say that the study is promising for therapists who are losing dozens of potential patients to the inherent joy and positive nature of the Danish people. Read the full story

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Gynecologist Can’t Believe His Luck with The Ladies


Local doctor Rory Allen, who recently completed his residency and entered private practice as a gynecologist, declared today that he can’t get over his recent good run with the opposite sex. Bespectacled Allen, 27, who admits that he’d always been a bit of a loser with the girls, says that lately he can believe how many women are throwing themselves at him. Read the full story

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Dick Cheney’s Heart Transplant Not Going Exactly As Expected


Surgeons have had great difficulty with fitting former President of Vice Dick Cheney (aka- ‘Tricky Dicky the Second’) with a transplanted heart. Each attempt to put a foreign heart into the open breast of Mr. Cheney has resulted in rejection- not Mr. Cheney’s body rejecting the heart but rather in a show of patriotic, defiant, graft versus host disease sort of way, the heart is rejecting Mr. Cheney. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, PoliticsComments (11)

Cindy McCain’s Chic Haircut Causes Senate Upheaval


PRESCOTT, AZ — GlossyNews.com: Re-elected Sen. John McCain, going on 74, seemed to coast to victory in November, easily beating Tuscon Democrat Rodney Glassman to hang onto his Arizona Senate seat. But his wife’s new chic haircut got major press, and this threw the 5-term senator into a major funk. Read the full story

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Open Letter to Undermining, Commie-Pinko Socialists


IMPORTANT – IF YOU ARE NOT A CARD CARRYING MEMBER OF “CONFEDERATION OF SOCIALISTS INTENT ON BRINGING DOWN THE CAPITALIST DRAGON AMERICA”, THEN DO NOT READ THIS…

Comrades!
The situation is dire!
Our plans lay fast in rubble before us!

Our goal to subjugate the great capitalistic tyrant the United States and lead them to the glories of socialism has run aground. The attempt to sneak Marx-Engels philosophies into the pattern of American politics has been uncovered again and again by the ever intrepid FOX News and their highly elite and patriotic staff. Read the full story

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Sally Field Implodes as Entire Skeletal Structure Collapses


Appearing at a news conference plopped inside a prosthetic device that could only be described as a bucket, Sally Field wondered if anyone will still like her after she experienced a violent adverse reaction to the osteoporosis drug, Boniva.

“A few days ago I finally decided to read the million-word warning label after touting this crap on TV all these years,” testified a barely audible Field, “and I noticed that parts of it were blacked out like some kind of secret CIA document being released to the public. So I decided to call my agent, who got me into this mess, and while I was on hold-there’s no other word for it-I imploded. Read the full story

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Seattle Opens Innovative Self-Help Health Clinics


SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America.

Based on the concept of “been there, done that” but in a more professional sense, the doctors came up with a plan that they say will revolutionize the way people are treated for minor mishaps. The doctors claim that most people nowadays know their way around the internet pretty well. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, Human InterestComments (0)

How to be a FOX News ‘Spin Doctor’


SINGAPORE (GlossyNews) — Media experts have been observing a recent trend in how seemingly simple events are portrayed by our news sources. Radical interpretations of ordinary incidents in the lives of the famous seem to be going through major distortions. How we perceive events in our reality is colored by prejudices, opinions and attitudes that we already have present in our minds. Nowhere is this more evident than in the world of politics. Take an example from a day in the life of President Obama as seen by a normal person and as seen by the agents of FOX News: Read the full story

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Pelosi Debunks “Free Healthcare for Pets” by Affirming It


Botox Village, CA (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Speaking to a group of her firmest supporters, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi vowed Democrats will introduce sweeping legislation guaranteeing free health care for all pets. While this was once viewed as a “wedge myth,” it seems the soon-to-be-ousted Speaker of the House has no qualms about settling the score once and for all. Read the full story

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Insurance Companies Market ‘Do-It-Yourself’ Medical Options


WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to restart the nation’s divisive healthcare debate, major insurance companies announced new healthcare plans featuring controversial “self-serve” medical options designed to reduce costs.

“Our new self-serve options for childbirth, surgery and annual physical exams provide consumers with more choices while reducing the escalating cost of care,” said a representative for WellPoint, one of the nation’s largest health insurers.  Aetna and UnitedHealth Group also announced new self-serve options. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, SocietyComments (5)

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