Enda Kenny Voted World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach

Enda Kenny Voted World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach

26 November 2014 03:51 - by Mr TM

A recent RTE poll, unsurprisingly, has determined that Enda Kenny, despite malicious rumors from irrational and extremist Fianna Fail hooligans™, really is (as none of us really doubted), the World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach. Admittedly, it was a close-run thing, as Kenny only grabbed 50.0001 of the vote; his thunder nearly being stole […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

25 November 2014 02:40 - by Dan Geddes

WASHINGTON – The Pentagon announced today that the Islamic State (ISIS) has blown up two American battleships, the Maine and the Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin. Brigadier General Lance Boyle stated: “ISIS was very foolhardy in using weapons of mass destruction to blow up two American battleships that were peacefully passing through the Gulf […]

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

24 November 2014 03:40 - by Mr TM

Disclaimer: An earlier version of this was previously published on TheSpoof.com. Still, the warning below about the 21st century’s deadliest rap grudge still bears repeating. Don’t say I never warned you. OK, so right, there’s a lot of jive goin’ down about the so-called grudge between Tupac and Biggie; however, this mainstream, far-from-edgy storm in […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

For Once I Agree With The Republicans- IMMIGRATION!

For Once I Agree With The Republicans- IMMIGRATION!

23 November 2014 07:31 - by rfreed

I am glad Obama is finally standing up to the Republicans who have been kneecapping him since day one of his Presidency. It is just too bad that it isn’t over a better subject- immigration. The truth is- the boat is full. We have enough people in this country already. We have massive unemployment with […]

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (2)

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (2)

22 November 2014 03:04 - by Mr TM

-Peter, great loyalty demands great sacrifice As you found out last time, the entire Glossy News team has been arrested on fake charges for prostitution… Although a certain informer called Mr TM (who shall remain anonymous, in order to have evade having the crap beaten out of him by his erstwhile peers, as some have […]

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Posted in Entertainment, Strange People1 Comment

Bread Bath & Beyond Unearths Ancient Toy in Corporate Warehouse

Bread Bath & Beyond Unearths Ancient Toy in Corporate Warehouse

21 November 2014 03:41 - by FreeMann

Union, New Jersey – Chief Inventory Specialist, Brandon Pitabeard of Bread Bath & Beyond’s corporate headquarters made an astonishing discovery Monday morning when he found a toy dating back to the era when Olive Garden’s roamed the earth, more than 226 days ago. Pitabeard found the antiquated toy, while extracting the store’s seasonal supply of […]

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Posted in Science, Science & Technologizzy3 Comments

Widespread Ebola Pandemic Fears A “Huge Confidence Booster” For Previously Modest Ebolavirus

Widespread Ebola Pandemic Fears A “Huge Confidence Booster” For Previously Modest Ebolavirus

20 November 2014 03:02 - by Seals

SENEGAL – Explaining that it was, “as surprised as the next viral particle,” about the panic surrounding a potential global Ebola outbreak, EBOV, the virus responsible for Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever, held a press conference this week detailing its seemingly pleasant surprise at the worldwide discussion regarding its supposed pandemic-worthy virulence factors. “Don’t get me wrong, […]

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Posted in Health, Science1 Comment

LGBTQQ Community Finally Exhausts Alphabet

LGBTQQ Community Finally Exhausts Alphabet

19 November 2014 06:41 - by Dave Martin

It’s finally happened. The non-traditional sexuality and gender communities have exhausted the alphabet in their attempts to include everyone under one umbrella acronym. Starting in the 1990s, those of different sexual persuasions started describing themselves as part of the LGBT or lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community. That designation worked for a while until some smaller […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People6 Comments

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (1)

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (1)

19 November 2014 02:21 - by Mr TM

The End of The Truth? Glossynews, as you all no doubt agree (merely because WE say so; reason enough, right?!), is the single most… sorry, the SINGLE AND SOLE respected media outlet in the world. Well, in a world filled with MSNBC Socialist/Liberal-Corporatist agitprop and the South-Park- Libertarianism/Beltway-Market-Hipsterism of Fox News, it’s clear that there’s […]

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Posted in Entertainment, Strange People7 Comments

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win

18 November 2014 06:41 - by Jay Griggs

National pizza chain Papa Johns has posted a massive 1st quarter loss that is expected to hurt year end business results. This is all in part to the deal the pizza chain has in cities with NFL teams. Whenever a home team wins, Papa Johns offers 50% off of all orders. As the Arizona Cardinals […]

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Posted in Sports2 Comments

“Yucky World” w/Dick and Janey: Pagan wants to secularize public schools!

“Yucky World” w/Dick and Janey: Pagan wants to secularize public schools!

18 November 2014 03:03 - by Chuck Rivetto

Announcer: A high school in Colorado recently banned religious speech during an “Open Time” period also known as Seminar. Previously, Jackson High School of Mill Creek, Washington, with the support of the federal courts, banned the playing of an instrumental version of Franz Biebl’s “Ave Maria” at its graduation ceremony. Dick and Janey, “Yucky World” […]

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

SCOOP! Glossy News Is The First With A Photo Of The New Star Trek Series And Its Stars!

SCOOP! Glossy News Is The First With A Photo Of The New Star Trek Series And Its Stars!

17 November 2014 03:03 - by rfreed

A leak in the security of the new Star Trek series has provided Glossy with a peek at the highly anticipated show. As you can see the players will be wearing an all new design of Star Fleet uniforms and, as usual, represent many different races and nationalities. Again there will be a black Vulcan […]

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Posted in Entertainment, Politics2 Comments

Time To Retire Grumpy Old Senators

Time To Retire Grumpy Old Senators

16 November 2014 02:36 - by Dave Martin

Everybody seems to be blaming the current do-nothing state of Congress on the fractious squabbling between different ideological factions, particularly those of the Republican persuasion. But maybe it’s not ideology at all; maybe it’s just that we have too many grumpy old men in the Senate. It would probably require a Constitutional amendment but I […]

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics0 Comments

Obama Apologizes For Post-election Hubris

Obama Apologizes For Post-election Hubris

15 November 2014 02:38 - by Dave Martin

Barack Obama has reportedly done a complete about face. Having encountered widespread criticism for the tough stance he took in his post-electoral press conference, the President has decided to take a more conciliatory approach with his Republican opponents. “I’m really sorry about last Wednesday,” said Obama. “The fact of the matter is I inadvertently switched […]

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Posted in Politics2 Comments

42 Reasons Why Scientology is LITERALLY The Absolute Truth (2)

42 Reasons Why Scientology is LITERALLY The Absolute Truth (2)

14 November 2014 02:44 - by Mr TM

Yesterday, we ran Part One of this story. Today we conclude with the aptly named “Part Two”. These articles as to why Scientology is right and true could as easily span a hundred articles or whole book of copyright protected guidance and instruction, or just a pamphlet. We chose the middle ground. Well, the lower-middle […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

42 Reasons Why Scientology is LITERALLY The Absolute Truth (1)

42 Reasons Why Scientology is LITERALLY The Absolute Truth (1)

13 November 2014 06:09 - by Mr TM

You’ve probably noticed: haters always criticize Scientology. Well, I’m going to educate all you curious and ripe-for-the-picking folks out there on why the doubters are wrong as Hell. Admittedly, some conspicuously pretentious sophists will say that the reasons given here apply to other religions more than Scientology, but they are lying. And wicked. And should […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

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