Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

28 February 2015 02:59 - by Mr TM

President Obama is concerned at the harsh stigma attached to militants of the Islamic State. So he has some wise words for the more narrow-minded citizens, who take a merely partisan approach towards the Islamic State… Now let me say this. The Islamic State, ISIS, ISIL, call it what you will (perhaps apart from the […]

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse

Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse

27 February 2015 04:27 - by Thaniel Davis

Las Vegas, NV—Christopher Nicholas Kratsas is not your typical Greek American. He comes from a long line of family members that desperately tried to embrace America by reversing Greek stereotypes. Unfortunately for the Kratsas family, this task was made more difficult as they unintentionally brought something with them- other than a prominent unibrow- on their […]

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Posted in Society0 Comments

Finally! A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

Finally! A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

26 February 2015 04:29 - by rfreed

The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square. Really??!!!! Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form? Is the second great Russian revolution finally taking form? No. False alarm. Go ahead and go back to whatever […]

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Posted in World News0 Comments

NAACP officially changes name

NAACP officially changes name

25 February 2015 04:23 - by Octocorn

Baltimore, MD. — In an unexpected, yet timely move, the group formerly known as the NAACP have changed their name to the National Association for the Advancement of African-Americans or NAAAA. The first meeting of the new group, held yesterday, commenced with the new tradition of “Hail NAAAA.” When reporters tried to reach out to […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It

New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It

25 February 2015 12:17 - by Dexter Sinistri

I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next guy, but a 1.5 mile race over dirt where the athlete’s cutoff age is three years old is probably not my cup of toffee. Promoters are shameless, predicting no shortage of competitors for the top prize. As a parent, I’m disgusted, but for $800,000 I […]

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Posted in Sports Events0 Comments

Lifeguard Sets Unprecedented Record

Lifeguard Sets Unprecedented Record

24 February 2015 03:30 - by Thaniel Davis

Boise, ID—Lifeguard Brian McKearney broke a YMCA lifeguarding record today. “I’m on top of the world,” he said while being carried away to the employee’s lounge on the shoulders of his fellow aquatic guardians. McKearney could be heard yelling over the explosion of bursting Champaign corks, “Hasselhoff ain’t got nothing on me.”

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Posted in Sports0 Comments

Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

23 February 2015 06:38 - by Karen Onegin

Melbourne born software Developer Mike Pearce has thwarted government plans to impose mandatory data retention for all Australian citizens by fundamentally changing the way the internet works. Australian PM, Tony Abbott is currently being accused of bullying the opposition and scaring the Australian people into submission with his new data retention plan. The plan is […]

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Posted in Technology, World News0 Comments

Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

23 February 2015 03:18 - by Dexter Sinistri

If there are two things Kentucky is famous for, and there is not, it’s Fried Chicken and the annual horse race watched, it is believed, by spectators. But once again the specter of steroids in sports has reared it’s ugly head and stomped it’s hoof twice for “yes”. Long shot filly Knobs At Hand is […]

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals0 Comments

Sports Reporter Reports Equal Number of Teams Winning, Losing

Sports Reporter Reports Equal Number of Teams Winning, Losing

22 February 2015 01:52 - by Dexter Sinistri

According to latest sports reports, the number of teams winning this week was once again equal to the number of teams losing. The odds of the same number of teams winning as losing over the entirety of history is impossible according to some, or based on the words of others, completely predictable. In fact checking […]

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Posted in SportsComments Off

GlossyNews Scores Exclusive Interview w/ Vlad the Impaler Putin, Czar of Russia

GlossyNews Scores Exclusive Interview w/ Vlad the Impaler Putin, Czar of Russia

21 February 2015 03:57 - by rfreed

Glossy News has been fortunate enough to be granted an interview with Vladimir Putin, the leader of Russia, a man very much in the news these days. It is not often that the Premier grants anyone from the West an exclusive interview, especially since he is not allowed to enter the U.S. We had to […]

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Posted in Politics, War Zone21 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

20 February 2015 03:50 - by Mr TM

Here we go again… and again… and AGAIN™… NaHum-ism National Humanitarianism, or NaHum-ism, is what happens when the petty, cruel, vicious, tearful, artificial boundaries that wantonly and cruelly constrain the human spirit are broken down and annihilated with an iron fist. For, I have sworn an eternal and undying oath, (naturally, one purely context-dependent and […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

19 February 2015 07:42 - by Mr TM

Over here in Euroweenie land, they say about the Hitler-Stalin pact: “Les extrêmes se touchent.” …Or in Universal Anglo-Esperanto, to wit, the King James of Jesus, Rush Limbaugh, John Kerry and other notable figures (-ish): “Opposites meet.” So it’s only fair that I let Julian™ give me this sexy little number… A leak of the […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (2/2)

Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (2/2)

17 February 2015 03:00 - by Mr TM

I’m going to list for you all the Tory politicians I admire and respect and who I think fully deserve to be UK PM… … … … … … Um… never mind. Here are a few more candidates anyway. Benito Mussolini: Flamboyant Prima Donna, Invented Postmodernism. (Borders = Arbitrary Incommensurable Wittgensteinian Bourgeois-Social Constructs).

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (1/2)

Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (1/2)

16 February 2015 03:52 - by Mr TM

The objective media has been slandering Mr TM for his Miliband/Labour-Leak article “bias.” What a dazzling array of Neo-New-Labour candidates…

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Firing Squad, North Korea Satire Movie Both Ready to Shoot (VIDEOs)

Firing Squad, North Korea Satire Movie Both Ready to Shoot (VIDEOs)

15 February 2015 05:32 - by Brian K. White

There are those who quake in their boots at the thought of upsetting sweaty North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. We are not among them. Thumbing our noses is the least of what we’re doing. Unlike “The Interview” ours will be a non-stop biting satire. We’re not focused primarily on the American’s involvement, but almost […]

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Video News5 Comments

Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural

Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural

15 February 2015 03:30 - by Thaniel Davis

Paleontologists working in Southern France have discovered pictographs they estimate were placed around 10,000 B.C. The primitive drawings depict what appears to be two Neanderthal males copulating. Lead scientist Dr. Lance Hollingsworth said, “I usually don’t get involved in politics, but clearly these cave drawing prove that homosexual relationships predate the ten commandments.”

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Posted in Religionism, World News0 Comments

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