Time Machine Leaks 1st Look at Obama’s Exit Interview

Time Machine Leaks 1st Look at Obama’s Exit Interview

01 November 2014 02:23 - by Dave Martin

The latest trend in the world of human resources is the so-called exit interview. In theory, it gives a departing employee an opportunity to express his grievances while at the same time providing useful feedback to the employer. Our intrepid reporter managed to track down a secondhand time machine allowing him to transcribe Barack Obama’s […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Breadfeeding: What You Need To Know

Breadfeeding: What You Need To Know

31 October 2014 09:23 - by FreeMann

All across America, parents and their newborns have been latching onto the breadfeeding craze by using an excavated recipe from the ruins of the now extinct restaurant chain, the Olive Garden. Many are being cautious with the new formula as they are supplementing their current nutritional plans with the fattening butter and garlic recipe made […]

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Posted in Health, Society0 Comments

Recount On Already Controversial Presidential Election Because Of Illegal Zombie Votes

Recount On Already Controversial Presidential Election Because Of Illegal Zombie Votes

31 October 2014 06:23 - by rfreed

A recount has been demanded on the already scandalous Bush/Gore 2000 Presidential election by Democrats because it has been discovered that illegal zombies have been allowed to vote. Apparently in their over-exuberance to get people out to vote Republican campaigners accidentally (or, perhaps intentionally as the Left insists) signed up the living dead. Being dead, […]

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Wolfe Wrong, You Can Go Home Again, and It’s Probably Time

Wolfe Wrong, You Can Go Home Again, and It’s Probably Time

31 October 2014 02:58 - by Dave Martin

According to the title of the Thomas Wolfe novel, you can’t go home again. But it looks like Lebron James is going to prove that saying wrong as he happily returns to the site of his first professional basketball success: Cleveland, Ohio. More importantly, Mr. James has apparently inspired others to follow suit: George W. […]

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“Yucky World” w/Dick and Janey: Presidential Bowing Policy

“Yucky World” w/Dick and Janey: Presidential Bowing Policy

30 October 2014 06:01 - by Chuck Rivetto

Announcer: With Dick and Janey on vacation this week, we will be rerunning an earlier interview with Mr. J. Foghill Bottom, the State Department’s resident specialist on diplomatic etiquette. Because President Obama was criticized early in his presidency for bowing to foreign royalty, this interview was an attempt to find out what exactly is U.S. […]

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Lame Duck Damaged, Begs Extinction

Lame Duck Damaged, Begs Extinction

30 October 2014 03:15 - by Dave Martin

Environmentalists and naturalists have sounded the alarm for a threatened avian species resident in Washington, D.C. Having been spotted in the region for close to six years, this bird has recently suffered numerous setbacks and setblacks and appears to be on the verge of extinction. Native to Chicago, it was once a flamboyant bird that […]

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Posted in Environment1 Comment

Belfast Residents Finally Break Silence on 12th of July Nick Minaj Insult

Belfast Residents Finally Break Silence on 12th of July Nick Minaj Insult

29 October 2014 06:24 - by Mr TM

Belfast residents have finally made their feelings known (as people up North undoubtedly do best) regarding a little-known sectarian atrocity from the most recent 12th of July… When a loyalist flute band surrounded a Catholic youth club and started playing Nicki Minaj (!) An official apology stated: It was not actually our intention™ to play […]

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Posted in Crime, Music, Religionism0 Comments

The Republican Three-Ring Circus of Sub-Partisan Freaks

The Republican Three-Ring Circus of Sub-Partisan Freaks

29 October 2014 02:13 - by Dave Martin

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, welcome under the Republican big top and prepare to be entertained by the incredible performers of Boehner Brothers (formerly Hastert & Boehner), America’s premier political circus. I’m John Boehner, your ringmaster for tonight. Unlike other political circuses, we don’t just present one show at a […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Gambling Classes to be Added to School Curriculum in 5 Different States

Gambling Classes to be Added to School Curriculum in 5 Different States

28 October 2014 03:00 - by Brian K. White

Stop complaining that school doesn’t prepare you for real life. “The Real World, Real Skills Bill” has finally passed through the senate — adding gambling classes to the core curriculum of five states. The teachers are abuzz, students are excited and parents are desperately trying to figure out how they, themselves, can enroll.

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Posted in Education, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Impoverished Citizens Fail to Speak up for the Billionaires

Impoverished Citizens Fail to Speak up for the Billionaires

28 October 2014 02:15 - by Dave Martin

This is the face of Donald Sterling who lost his NBA basketball team. And those are the brothers Koch; Charles and David, who spend most of their money trying to help others with no thought of benefit for themselves. So gracious. These three men belong to one of America’s fastest growing disadvantaged groups: disadvantaged billionaires. […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Wahhabis, Southern Baptists Ban Side-boob; Episcopalians Undecided

Wahhabis, Southern Baptists Ban Side-boob; Episcopalians Undecided

27 October 2014 02:42 - by Mr TM

Love ‘em or hate ‘em; but like death, taxes, and embarrassingly contrived and preposterous MSNBC op-eds, side-boobs are here to stay. Yup: never mind bitterly warring and counter-warring and counter-counter-counter-owch-a-doodle-warring Social Justice Warriors on Tumblr; or Hamilton Nolan’s online privilege Olympics on Gawker. Nah! There is only one web phenomenon sexually frustrated late-teenage and early-adult […]

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Posted in Religionism, Strange People0 Comments

Republicans Message to Minorities: “We Cool, Right?”

Republicans Message to Minorities: “We Cool, Right?”

26 October 2014 06:00 - by Dave Martin

“…Reince Priebus, the Republican National Committee chairman, has begun an effort to attract more African-American voters…” – The New York Times – August 12, 2014 MEMORANDUM TO: All Republican incumbents and potential candidates FROM: Reince Priebus Hey! Wassup? It’s time we get down with our black brothers and sisters if we ever hope to gain […]

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Posted in Politics3 Comments

David Duke “Clarifies” Anti-Semitic Comments

David Duke “Clarifies” Anti-Semitic Comments

26 October 2014 02:42 - by Mr TM

Famously-allegedly-ish “non-racist™” White supremacist; oh sorry, how un-PC; I meant achingly conspicuous “racial realist™” David Duke has popped out (sorry, popped up) once again. Yes, His Most Exalted Ideological Hipsterness has recently expressed what he calls his “utmost sincere contrition and regret” for a despicable comment he made in a TV interview. Surprising, huh? Well, […]

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Kim Jong Takes Un Step Toward Hollywood

Kim Jong Takes Un Step Toward Hollywood

25 October 2014 11:02 - by Dave Martin

TO: My dear subjects FROM: Your Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un I want to apologize for not informing you of my whereabouts for almost six weeks this past fall and causing you undue heartache and concern but, of course, I cannot. As I am infallible, apology is not an option for me and I must therefore […]

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Posted in Strange People, World News1 Comment

Local Police New Alpha Codes Fluster Criminals, Officers

Local Police New Alpha Codes Fluster Criminals, Officers

25 October 2014 03:13 - by Brian K. White

Auburn police have found a new way to keep criminals from understanding their scanner chatter for ill, but unfortunately, not one of them has yet figured out how to use it for good. The new alpha call signs, dubbed Cool Island Breeze, has proved to be anything but cool. The alphabet, relying heavily on words […]

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Posted in Crime1 Comment

Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered!

Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered!

24 October 2014 02:56 - by FreeMann

Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – The location where the last known Olive Garden once stood before it succumbed to extinction was the site of a groundbreaking find on Thursday when archaeologists unexpectedly discovered a new insect that has been named the Mantodoughia Dictyoptera or Baking Mantis. The insect is a close relative of the Praying Mantis […]

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Posted in Science, Science & Technologizzy0 Comments

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