Breaking News! Russia Plans Invasion of Scotland if They Secede!

Breaking News! Russia Plans Invasion of Scotland if They Secede!

19 September 2014 05:14 - by rfreed

The Russians have taken a keen interest in the vote for Scottish secession from Britain. Maybe too keen an interest. The British MI6 has picked up information that seems to point to the Russians invading Scotland should the ‘Yes’ vote on independence pass. Here are some of the taped telephone conversations that they have intercepted […]

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Yes I Can! President Obama Decides to Become Kindergarten Chanter

Yes I Can! President Obama Decides to Become Kindergarten Chanter

19 September 2014 02:22 - by Mr TM

When President Obama’s presidency finishes, he won’t be out of a job. Well, he might be out of a job before his Presidency finishes, if the Republicans succeed in impeaching him. Still, the President says that whenever he leaves the Oval Office, he’s going to use skills he has already required on-the-job, in order to […]

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Posted in Education, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Service Group Logs More Photos than Hours Worked

Service Group Logs More Photos than Hours Worked

18 September 2014 02:45 - by Joe Horan

TUSCALOOSA,AL- This summer, 9 University of Alabama students traveled to New York City for a one week trip focused on community service. During their week, each student logged 25 hours of service and the group collectively returned with 1,257 photos of themselves standing in and around different service sites. While in NYC the students averaged […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

Santorum’s Untimely September Crusade Against Wal-Mart

Santorum’s Untimely September Crusade Against Wal-Mart

17 September 2014 02:20 - by Mr TM

OK, I know the following article seems pretty anachronistic (in more ways than one, maybe). Still, if politicians make “untimely interventions” in issues that are more safely consigned to a different part of the calendar, it’s not my fault. Yes, it really isn’t my fault… I mean, this is the objective media, and holding our […]

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Richest 1% Buys U.S. Military to Protect them from Other 99% of Society

Richest 1% Buys U.S. Military to Protect them from Other 99% of Society

16 September 2014 03:20 - by rfreed

In a surprising development, the upper 1% of the richest Americans have purchased the entire U.S. military to protect them from the other 99% that they lord over. All troops except those actively engaging an enemy somewhere in the world have been called back to bases in the U.S. “This is a change of monumental […]

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Posted in Society0 Comments

Gingrich Pleads for More Pragmatism, Less Dogmatism on Stalin/Gulags Issue

Gingrich Pleads for More Pragmatism, Less Dogmatism on Stalin/Gulags Issue

15 September 2014 02:57 - by Mr TM

Newt Gingrich, the GOP Ideas Man™ is dissatisfied with polarised views on Stalin’s allegedly atrocious human rights abuses, and he fears that a failure to compromise is holding back progress for the USA. And actually, he’s taken care (once more) to inform us of where we are all going wrong: Ok, you know, so here […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Society3 Comments

Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie

Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie

14 September 2014 02:10 - by Mr TM

Everybody (more or less) seems to love Charlie, the moody animated horse from Sugarcandy Mountain; yet, it seems he hasn’t got a friend in John Kerry, as you’ll read. Really? Can that really be possible? Well, Kerry has been spitting fire and brimstone over this despicable criminal and Enemy of the Free World™:

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Posted in Crooked Cops, Kidz Zone, Strange People0 Comments

Fact-Check: Mitch McConnell Really Supports Your Big Business; TRUE!

Fact-Check: Mitch McConnell Really Supports Your Big Business; TRUE!

13 September 2014 10:48 - by Brian K. White

Washington outsider and regular everyman Mitch McConnell, Republican senator from Kentucky, has an ad claiming he supports big business, but does he really? Fact-Check: YES! It turns out, true to his claims, Mitch McConnell really does stand up for mega businesses and the interests of his billionaire donors. If you’re a billionaire donor, or billionaire […]

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Posted in Politics, Video News0 Comments

Roger Goodell Diverts Media’s Attention at News Conference

Roger Goodell Diverts Media’s Attention at News Conference

13 September 2014 02:10 - by FreeMann

New York, NY – All eyes were focused on Roger Goodell Wednesday afternoon as the National Football League’s Commissioner was expected to address the media regarding his alleged awareness of the video featuring Ray Rice striking his future wife, Janay Palmer, prior to it being leaked by the celebrity news website, TMZ, late last week. […]

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals4 Comments

Another Dalai Lama Gaffe: Heroin-Pushing A-OK, if Intention Good

Another Dalai Lama Gaffe: Heroin-Pushing A-OK, if Intention Good

12 September 2014 02:28 - by Mr TM

One or two people might have been offended by the information included in my recent scoop on the Dalai Lama’s views on war crimes. Unfortunately, no apology or clarification from His Exalted Phatness has been forthcoming… Instead, I have a second blunder to report (with all the wide-eyed sincerity a cynical satirical hack can muster). […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Crime, Religionism3 Comments

Kelly Clarkson Wants to be First Annoying US President

Kelly Clarkson Wants to be First Annoying US President

11 September 2014 02:28 - by Mr TM

It had to happen one day… We’ve already had the “First Black President™” (a white saxophone player from Arkansas), we’ve had an ACTUAL First Black President™, and there’s been talk of Hillary Clinton being the First Female President™. I mean, you might have wondered when Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson and Marilyn Manson are casting their […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”

Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”

10 September 2014 02:28 - by Seals

OUTER SPACE: In an exclusive interview, RC15, an asteroid that, on Sunday, passed closer to earth than the moon, says it purposely avoided a collision with our planet. “I really, really did not want to hit you guys after I got close enough to see the kind of shit the human race is going through. […]

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Posted in Environment, Science1 Comment

Russian Takeover Strategies Of  Yesterday, Today And Tomorrow

Russian Takeover Strategies Of Yesterday, Today And Tomorrow

09 September 2014 02:24 - by rfreed

2008- Russia invades former ‘comrade’ nation Georgia because Putin ‘has Georgia on his mind….’. March 2014- Russia takes over the Crimea because they want to protect their naval fleet, and their hidden stores of vodka. June 2014- Russia begins infiltration and takeover of eastern Ukraine, wanting to ‘protect the Russians living there’ who invaded centuries […]

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Posted in War Zone, World News2 Comments

Apple to Remotely Disable All iPhone 4S Models and Older 7 Days After iPhone 6 Release

Apple to Remotely Disable All iPhone 4S Models and Older 7 Days After iPhone 6 Release

08 September 2014 01:24 - by Seals

CALIFORNIA: In a statement released today by Apple CEO Tim Cook, all iPhone models 4S and older are scheduled to be shut down and remotely wiped seven days after the release of the iPhone 6 on September 9th. “Customers who have resisted upgrading to our exciting and new technology need to catch up to the […]

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Posted in Biz News, Gadgets & Gizmos16 Comments

Mitch McConnell TV Ad Fact-Checked: TRUE

Mitch McConnell TV Ad Fact-Checked: TRUE

07 September 2014 05:10 - by Brian K. White

Washington outsider and advocate for change Mitch McConnell took a bold step this year, effectively crowd-sourcing his campaign commercials to the drooling masses. This inspired strike of utter genius can best be described as “SmarTarded™” in a way Kentuckians may best be remembered. This particular 30-second spot covers a lot of shaky ground claiming that […]

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Posted in Politics, Video News1 Comment

New Postage Stamp Baked as a Tribute to Extinct Restaurant Chain

New Postage Stamp Baked as a Tribute to Extinct Restaurant Chain

07 September 2014 02:37 - by FreeMann

Washington, D.C. – In an effort to promote breadstick awareness following the loss of America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, the United States Postal Service has announced the release of a set of commemorative stamps honoring the breadsticks that were once offered complimentary with the purchase of any entrée. “It’s a great day to […]

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Posted in Science, Television5 Comments

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