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11 March 2014 04:32 - by rfreed
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent Russian troops into Coney Island, a part of Brighton Beach, New York, that has a large immigrant Russian population. Swarming ashore from submarines that covertly approached the beach, they quickly took over all government buildings and the amusement park, where the commanders had to stop the soldiers from riding […]
Posted in War Zone, World News2 Comments
11 March 2014 01:38 - by Rusty Shackleford
According to sources, newborn Daniel Briggs could face up to 75 years. For the duration of his sentence, he is to live in an environment where people are known to be arbitrarily cruel, outrageously hypocritical and condemn others on the basis of race, lifestyle, gender, nationality, beliefs and status. During his stretch, Briggs is likely […]
Posted in Society5 Comments
10 March 2014 04:29 - by P. Beckert
Helen Crumples is almost $500 richer today after accepting the highest bid on eBay for her “dinosaur” cheese puff collection. The set of five Chester’s Puffcorn snacks, which look amazingly like miniature brontosauruses, were discovered by Helen while tidying up her son, Seth’s room. “I’ve joked a number of times that looking for anything in […]
Posted in Human Interest3 Comments
10 March 2014 03:59 - by Rusty Shackleford
KNOXVILLE, TN—In an attempt to blend in, local barista Wes Dinkins assumed the identity of an adult human being for the duration of a recent social gathering. Stifling his enthusiasm about video games and how often he plays them, he “totally tricked them into thinking [he] was an actual adult with important thoughts and everything.”
Posted in Society3 Comments
09 March 2014 04:37 - by NickFun
Former racing legend Speed Racer was found dead in his rented mobile home this afternoon by his ex-wife Trixie Racer. It would appear Speed had been dead at least a month. No cause of death was given until an autopsy can be performed, but Racer was known to have had issues with drugs and alcohol […]
Posted in Celebrity Gossip2 Comments
09 March 2014 04:06 - by P. Beckert
BOISE, Idaho – Sen. Sam Getzless of Pocatello, Idaho is fuming mad about the recent bill passed in his state banning virtual lap dances, otherwise known as “laptop dances.” Getzless claims the ban will affect roughly half the population as roughly half the residents of Idaho are male. Roughly. “What a man does in the […]
Posted in Politics0 Comments
08 March 2014 05:54 - by deeptrout
In a stunning announcement at Wednesday mornings press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced WMDs have been discovered in the Crimean peninsula. “The CIA has determined and it has been confirmed through British Intelligence that convoys of Russian trucks are moving into Crimea. CIA human assets on the ground have since discovered they […]
Posted in War Zone, World News3 Comments
08 March 2014 01:16 - by FreeMann
Los Angeles, California – Since her celebrated beginnings in Nashville, Tennessee, as the daughter of country singer, Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley Cyrus has experienced a radiant career that has taken her from the Disney Channel to the big stage at MTV’s Video Music Awards to her current role as an outside consultant for the United […]
Posted in Celebrity Gossip1 Comment
07 March 2014 12:06 - by Benjamin Cain
Dateline: WASHINGTON—Polls indicate that Republicans are more respected by Americans, as a result of their complicated response to Russian President Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Since George W. Bush’s second term, polls revealed that Americans’ respect for Republicans had plummeted. Analysts say this was because Americans perceived that Republicans have one of the easiest jobs in […]
Posted in Politics0 Comments
07 March 2014 05:16 - by T.J. Carter
PASADENA, Ca — Last Thursday, the team leading NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission made history when the rover Curiosity identified indisputable evidence of life on Mars—or so it seemed. The historic discovery, initially made by microbiologist Dr. James Weaver, turned out to be an elaborate ruse Weaver concocted in an effort to “take the piss” […]
Posted in Science12 Comments
07 March 2014 01:11 - by Brian K. White
Well, it’s been a crazy month, and traffic has been higher than it has in at least a year, so here are the winners… and yes, there are some surprises in the mix. The first surprise is that reigning champ, P. Beckert, opted out of the contest for February, leaving her very well read shoes […]
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes6 Comments
06 March 2014 05:14 - by Benjamin Cain
Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring like the Canadians. Ukraine is split between ethnic Russians in the eastern part of the country and pro-European, ethnic-Ukrainians in the west. Likewise, Canada is split between […]
Posted in Politics, World News5 Comments
06 March 2014 01:17 - by deeptrout
Once again, the mainstream media has swooped in to steal our precious exclusive. We reported it first, but CNN & reality had a different idea when they took the story from the realm of satire into public consciousness. These stories may look different, on the surface, but scratch a bit deeper and you’ll find that […]
Posted in Health, Internets TubesComments Off
05 March 2014 07:26 - by P. Beckert
SUN CITY, Florida – George ‘Mac’ McGruder, 69, has been golfing ever since he was old enough to hold a golf club. Wednesdays have always been his golf days, even when he was a physician and ran his own practice. “The girls in the office knew not to bother me on Wednesdays,” said Mac, “unless, […]
Posted in Sportsfolk1 Comment
05 March 2014 05:14 - by Tim Jones
Dear U.S. Olympic Ski Team: Congratulations on an outstanding Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. And hey, that 18 year-old Mikaela Shiffrin was impressive on the giant slalom. Well done. I just have one minor complaint to register: Why did you leave me off the team? I contacted you last summer, telling you I wanted to […]
Posted in Sports, Sports Events0 Comments
05 March 2014 01:14 - by deeptrout
The Academy of Motion Picture Tarts and Minuses has announced it’s post Oscar Oscars for 2014. And the Oscar Oscars go to… Best Female Performance In A Reprise Role – Jennifer Lawrence for strategically tripping in front of hundreds of media cameras as she exited her Red Carpet limo. Best Male Performance In An Audition […]
Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment11 Comments
Rusty Shackleford: Yes! The anomalies are out there and make this wor...
P. Beckert: Let's hope he gets off with just life, and not ete...
Deeptrout: Well, that was a downer......
P. Beckert: Thanks Jenny...Never know where or how inspiration...
Rusty Shackleford: Nothing about this article is meant to be funny....
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