Posted on 12 March 2016.
Posted on 24 January 2016.
6. A Z GRIMSBY SLAYS THE DRAGON
Ain’t no atheist like a disenchantment-community atheist…? Well, an outraged A Z Grimsby does indeed insist on holding forth on the purely irrational and frivolously superstitious basis of children’s toys, especially cuddly fictive animals.
I mean take dragons for example, they may be cuddly and funny and comfy and gloriously colored, flamboyantly patterned, and so on.
But they have absolutely nothing whatsoever, nothing IN THE LEAST to do with science as we now understand it.
Yes, well, if you tell your children that there MIGHT JUST be such a thing as a dragon, even leaving the question slightly open, you are giving the irrationalists an inch…
And they will undoubtedly take a mile. Or indeed ten!
Posted on 23 January 2016.
I’ve recently re-released the first volume of my fake news satire compilation series, Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes. More Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes volumes will follow from Spring 2016 onwards. But for now, volume 1, I Shouldn’t Do God, is a somewhat expanded one in comparison to the earlier version of this same first volume of this exciting ongoing series. And it’s free too!
Also, I have recently managed to get Reflections In & Out of Season, the accompanying volume to The Great Flâneur Massacre, brought down to free again too. And as for The Great Flâneur Massacre, this is still 99 cents, or similar in other currencies, depending on the location of the vendor! These latter two books are also available from the same ebook outlets as below. See more information at: http://wallacerunnymede.com/category/ebooks-2/
1. WHY SHOULDN’T I DO GOD?
My recent tribute essay to Charlie Hebdo, serialised on Glossy News. Links to Glossy News originals for each of the instalments here, and links to the Wallace Runnymede republication of the essay here.
2. UNPRECEDENTED VATICAN SCANDAL: GERMAN INFIDEL CANONIZED
The Vatican, like the Pope, should be infallible, but what happens when even infallible institutions slip up the odd time, and canonize people who have no right in hell to such an accolade?
If this is to stand, we might have to canonize other great, virtuous and saintly figures such as:
Buddha, Quetzalcoatl, Sri Krishna, Mungai, Amaterasu, Laozi, Adi Shankara, Hercules, Guru Nanak, the Dalai Lama, Elmer Gantry, Arius, Sabellius, Basilides, Valentinus, Simon Magus, Martin Luther…
3. DALAI LAMA SUES CANON WELBY
Posted on 07 January 2016.
Quite frankly, if someone believes that children must be deprived of blood transfusions (Jehovah’s Witnesses), or of all medical care (Christian Scientists), or that women are the property of men, or that gay people are sodomites who are all going to eternal hellfire, or that disabled people are suffering the results of our evil and atrocious deeds in the past…
Then that concerns me very deeply.
But on the other hand, if someone personally believes that Jesus literally turned the water into wine, that Muhammad made the moon split in two, or that Sri Krishna performed many wondrous miracles, then in all seriousness, that does not trouble me in the least. There are more important things in life to worry about.
But even so, concerning ‘limits’ to satire, I will affirm that I do reserve the inalienable right to treat religion as not pristine, as not above theoretical critique, or above satirizing, or above ‘blasphemy.’
And I have little to no respect for anyone who makes religion exceptional, in terms of the inalienable right and sovereign prerogative to criticize and satirize; an entitlement and a ‘privilege’ that can and must be shared be all like, without neither cavil nor complaint.
‘Shame on me,’ indeed! Read the full story
Posted on 05 January 2016.
So let no-one think that by appeasing jihadists or by appeasing unaccountable figures in the countries that Orientalizing intellectuals opportunistically market as ‘the (sole and exclusively) Free World’ that they will avert their malice or their wrath.
For, none of the promises either of political Islamists and jihadists or of humanitarian interventionist intellectuals and counter-jihadists can be trusted or valued.
Indeed. Realpolitik is realpolitik, which is as much as to say that from ‘high-minded idealism,’ nothing better can be expected than high-minded idealism. And there is nothing that savors more of Realpolitik than high-minded idealism, as the terms are merely two superficially different names for the same thing. Read the full story
Posted on 03 July 2015.
Shhh. Don’t laugh. This is pretty damn serious stuff.
Rob, Surname-Lacking and
Achingly Committed Painfully Irritating Tenure-Cadger
“Relevant?” That’s a word people in power always use to dismiss me.
Endorsement from “Dr” Kent Hovind
Posted on 02 July 2015.
Update (22 Sept 2015):
Since the links I posted in this article originally have changed, I have edited the post.
The Great Flâneur Massacre, oddly enough, is satirical, and portrays an academic conference where the “objects of study” start talking back to the individuals presenting papers.
The scholars who are the enlightened benefactors of the audience do not appreciate being talked back to, as they prefer to represent others, rather than to be represented.
So finally, I will quote you a few endorsements of quotes from my novella; just off the top of my head. And yes: when I say that, I really do mean “off the top of my head.” Read the full story
Posted on 18 March 2015.
John Kerry has threatened the pitiful Unamerican/Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet “Glossynews” with humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.
Read the transcript, and promise me not to laugh. This shit is serious.
The illegitimate Glossynews editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.
These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and it’s about time they started acting accountably. Read the full story
Posted on 10 January 2015.
This one’s for Charlie Hebdo. Nous sommes tous Charlie.
OK, we all know about the obviously malicious and unproven allegations of
gratuitously gratifyingly enlightened fatwas on “I’m-a-sexin’ that damn fine chicken” that have been directed at Imam Love Doctor Friday Night Wonder AYATOLLAH Khomeini. Read the full story
Posted on 18 April 2014.
Damn. Those are some big mammies. We’re talking motor yacht and a snorkel.
Some people just can’t take a joke…
I don’t get this one. If anyone should feel slighted it’s LaBelle, who the article states was arrested. Franklin is going to have a tough time proving damages. Read the full story
Posted on 24 March 2014.
WILLOW GROVE, PENN. Satirists are gathering at a conference titled “This Article Is An Inside Joke” in Willow Grove this weekend to decide if breadsticks are inherently funny or only so when mentioned in the same sentence as “Olive Garden”.
“Breadsticks by their nature are humorous, just mention the word breadsticks and people laugh,” said Conference Chairperson Freeman Bradley Stix. Read the full story
Posted on 13 March 2014.
Dateline: MONTREAL—Comedians gathered around an enormous round table at the World Comedy Festival to try to answer once and for all the perennial question of whether satire is supposed to be serious or funny.
According to the comedian Lawrence Flappapuss, satire is mainly about making people laugh. “Satirists make fun of things, so satire’s got to be funny,” he said. “Satire should be as funny as physical comedy. That’s why I combine the two in my act.”
Read the full story
Posted on 21 January 2014.
We put out $275 in cash prizes for top authors last month, and while nobody beat the top archive stories, we still handed out an additional three cash prizes.
We set out three prizes. One for the top-read article, one for the “funniest” article, and one as a “judges choice,” but we paid out a total of six awards.
Well, we’ll never do that again. Funniest? Throw myself into a volcano before I try to judge such an arbitrary metric again. So many killer entries, how am I supposed to pick? Read the full story
Posted on 28 May 2013.
Ten years ago Glossy News founder Brian White had the unlikely opportunity to turn 29, and I did it, but once and only once. Today he turns 39, and likewise, promises never to do it again. Just too painful.
Back then Glossy News had a diligent, vigilant editor named Mark Fisher working with me. He’s a very funny guy, and a successful guy too, so it’s no wonder he had the good sense to move on. It’s not like they dated or anything, at least not that either of them will admit. Read the full story
Posted on 15 March 2013.
A SATIRE writer has become jaded after working on a ‘real’ newspaper.
The satire writer, who can not be named because I don’t want to, has revealed to Glossy News that she, erm… that she, or he, has found it increasingly difficult to write satire after their experience in a newsroom.
The writer said: “When I write satire, I often do so from my soapbox, which I sit on, alone, in the dark.
“It usually results in me mindlessly watching the TV or laughing at Internet memes, but after six hours my eyes get tired so I just write something stupid and call it satire.
“But my whole perspective on life has changed ever since I did some work at a proper newspaper.”
The anonymous writer says that they could not believe the stories that were news worthy and has subsequently found it difficult to write anything meaningful, the writer said: “I began to question everything, the price of cheese, why a cat on the train tracks is news, why blue is blue, my existence, everything.
“What place in this world do I have as a writer of satire, making up convoluted, bizarre scenarios, when out there, in the ‘real’ world, they were already happening and being written about?”
The writer pointed to examples of their work that had been written a few months, or in some cases, days, before actual similar events took place: “A good example would be when I wrote about hobos being government spies who were placed to track down minor crimes, turns out it is totally true, I read it in a newspaper.
“There was also the time I wrote about celebrity women being so unnatural that they were actually from an alternate reality. Yesterday I read a report in the newsroom that they are actually aliens sent here to slowly ebb away at our sense of decency and self esteem.”
Asked if they would return to satire, the writer said: “Screw it, I am through with all this, it is getting scary how close to reality satire can be. They say ‘you can’t make it up’, well they are right and that puts me out of a job.”
Posted on 04 March 2013.
Westboro Baptist Church members will be staying in Topeka, Kansas this Sunday to stage what they are calling their most important protest to date. They are going to be protesting themselves.
A statement issued by Westboro leader, Fred Phelps claims that the congregation is running out of funds to protest funerals across America, and the church is therefore re-thinking their strategy. In addition, he claims they came to the conclusion that “the gay thing” might be hitting a little too close to home, but would not elaborate. Read the full story
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