Posted on 05 February 2014.
DATELINE: Waco, TX — Many followed the tragic case of Marlise Munoz for the last 6 weeks with anxiety, anguish and great compassion.
This was an ethical dilemma wherein, under the protection of Texas law, an unborn fetus remained in gestation within the womb of a reportedly brain dead women in a Texas ICU; despite the mother’s and family’s (reportedly) contrary wishes.
The world responded with embroiled arguments and a fervent outpouring of concern from multifarious viewpoints. With great relief for Marlise’s family, she and her baby were allowed to succumb this past Sunday evening.
However, this is not a forgone issue as the dismay of many a concerned citizen remains intact, as do existing laws that buoy their bizarre concern. However, today we share the story of a brilliant young doctor from Waco, Dr. Donald Do-It Houser, who has truly risen to the occasion and shone a new ray of hope on this otherwise heart breaking story.
Dr. Houser is the brain child of “Rely on Your Assets Lifestyle Salon” or ROYALS for short, wherein he has sought to unburden the lives of women such as the heartbreakingly overextended housewives of Orange County, through simplifying the miracle of life.
These women that are typically already overwhelmed with the pangs of their demanding lifestyle have limited time for the gruesome burden of carrying a child, not to mention the emotional scarring, pain and mutilation this act can levy on a woman’s body.
In a stroke of brilliance, Dr. Houser has secured consent from the families of over 100 local comatose women of child bearing age in the great state of Texas, to act as surrogate mothers for this niche demographic.
Using state of the art in-vitro fertilization and embryo transfer with luteal support, Dr. Houser has demonstrated an almost unheard of 17% success rate of full term delivery and a 100% success rate of an effortless pregnancy.
Many critics call his service outlandish and, as with baby Munoz, have questioned the viability of a fetus in a compromised physiological environment.
But Dr. Houser is not swayed “sure that’s a valid question, but I ask instead does a government agency have the right spare an individual the right of freedom of choice? Yes! Do we know what life is well enough to just take it away when it wants to go? No! So, my point is I just give people what I think they think they want, and it’s legal.”
Dr. Houser knows he has stirred added controversy to an already hot topic, but he remains dedicated and confident “this idea of mine is brilliant and my only concern is what will I think of next.” He has had millions of hits on his posh and tech heavy website (www.neveradullmomentamongreligiousconservatives.com) and a new app wherein donor moms can monitor their surrogate’s tube feedings, diaper changes, sponge baths and urine output.
He is also working on an interactive component to the app where, with the press of a button, a donor may order an instant bedside turning to prevent pressure sores or adjust respirator settings to include popular ringtones (the latter of which is still pending approval of an institutional review board).
“My goal is for the real mother to have as much control as possible, so that she can be an integral part of the baby’s life while in utero.” He also added that he has opened a collaboration with the largest national nanny provider so that each child will have a duo of attendees assigned post-delivery, “this I hope will limit the secondary trauma that we all fear, the experience of child rearing.”
A 1000 slot waiting to be a ROYAL list filled within 40 seconds after it was announced on Twitter on midweek at 730PM PST. When queried about any design to this specific launch time Dr. Houser was quoted to say “this is a tragic part of the day, a time when many of my target audience sits in the uncomfortable silence between dinner and the start of prime time television, and I wanted them to have hope.”
In closing, Dr. Houser indicated that he is committed to the needs of what he feels is a misunderstood and evolving demographic, “my mentor (Mike Judge, actor and author of Idiocracy) understood where I am going with this endeavor, these people are our future.”
Harsh criticism continues as does an outpouring of support, thus it remains clear that, for now, Dr. Houser and people like him are here to stay. We will continue to follow this compelling story and provide new bulletins on the civil litigation and criminal charges already levied on Dr. Houser and ROYALS as they emerge, please stay tuned.