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US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else!”

US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else!”

WASHINGTON – U.S. State Department spokesman Milo Minderbinder announced today that ISIS must sign the TTIP [Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership] treaty by year’s end “or else we will retaliate with extreme prejudice. All options are on the table!”
“Terrorist organizations that control substantial assets, such as oil, should not be exempt from TTIP just because they are not recognized nation-states. TTIP is about promoting free trade, a goal that I’m sure that terrorists who specialize in decapitation videos can appreciate,” Minderbinder stated. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Surviving the storm: how to steer your business out of a crisis

Surviving the storm: how to steer your business out of a crisis

When running a small business, finances can often be tight, especially when you’re going through a crisis period. Getting into financial difficulties, for whatever reason, doesn’t have to mean the end of the road for a company.

There are many successful businesses that have managed to steer themselves out of a crisis and continue trading. When you’re facing tough times, here are some tips on how you can tackle different financial situations. Continue Reading

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Have You Heard About Dyzastra?

Have You Heard About Dyzastra?

Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Why not try Dyzastra? (“Di-ZAH-Struh”)

Do you have a spare tire around your middle that you’d like to get rid of? How about trying Dyzastra?

Stomach pain, the common cold and restless leg syndrome are no match for Dyzastra.

Do you have toenail fungus that just won’t go away? Maybe it’s time you tried Dyzastra. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Health0 Comments

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High

WASHINGTON – Faith that the Federal Reserve Bank will finally raise interest rates, after years of broken promises, is now at an all-time high.

“The Fed is really going to raise rates after our next meeting,” said Norman Bates, Chair of the Philadelphia Federal Reserve. “We promise. Personally, I’m betting big on a substantial interest rate hike. I can’t wait.”

“Of course we will raise the interest rate,” said New York Fed Chair David Rockemellon. “We just have to do it at our next meeting.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

Flying J Travel Plaza Now FU

Flying J Travel Plaza Now FU

Knoxville, TN-Still in the throngs of a federal investigation into fraud, Pilot Flying J Travel Plaza is going ahead with a name change. Starting September 29th, the largest truck stop in the nation will be called FU Travel Plaza.

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Posted in Biz News, Top Stories0 Comments

The News (Really) Bytes – July 2015

The News (Really) Bytes – July 2015

Buddhists show their deep belief in the teachings of their saint- Buddha- by murdering and repressing the ethnic Muslims in Myanmar.

Turkey, coming to the aid of the U.S. and other nations battling Isis in the Middle-east decide to drop a few bombs on the Kurds in their own country as well.

The Kurds have proven to be the best fighters against Isis, but the Turkish government is leery of their success. The Turkish explain “Ah, we just had a few bombs left over and didn’t want to waste them.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”

The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”

WASHINGTON – Global leaders negotiating the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) affirmed the necessity of secret negotiations for the massive trade and “global governance” deal.

“The TPP is for your own good. Trust us,” stated senior negotiator Mickey Cantwell.

“Only highly-paid lobbyists can possibly understand the TPP text. It’s like NAFTA on steroids. I don’t think that mere journalists, ordinary consumers, or the useless eaters in Congress could possibly understand the TPP.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics1 Comment

The News (Really) Bytes – June 2015

The News (Really) Bytes – June 2015

Jeb Bush announces candidacy for President – The head political office of the U.S. is now going back to the Bush Leagues.

Rachel Dolezal, a white person, pretended to be black and became head of the Spokane Washington NAACP and now has stepped down making true the statement “Once you go black you hate to go back”.

Hurricane Bill threatens the Texas coast. Hurricane Rick Perry threatens the entire country.

The Jurassic World movie reboot sets record for opening week for a movie – who ever knew dinosaurs could reincarnate? Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

How Unemployment Really Works

How Unemployment Really Works

Derek in Accounts Payable was an excitable type, but only to a certain extent.

When he rounded the corner to speak to Jason, his boss, colleague and friend he was more excited than normal.

The fact that he kept his voice low to avoid others hearing was indicative that it was also something serious.

“I’ve got it Jason! It just came out of the blue and punched me in the eye!”

“What is it?” asked Jason noncommittally. He had been presented with many of Derek’s ‘ideas’ before and knew to take them with a grain of salt.

“It’s the answer to the unemployment crisis. It is so simple I can’t believe no one else thought of it before!”

Derek’s mouth corners dropped an imperceptive millimeter downward. “This is going to be a doozy.” he thought.

“Here it is in a nutshell,” Derek stated, “We have too many people on unemployment because of the recession. We don’t have enough funds to keep paying them off forever.

“And we have to make sure that the Unemployment Office itself doesn’t get downsized or closed so that we lose our higher than normal wages and good benefits that are paid for by the earnings of the normal workers.

“So what we do is make it so difficult to get on unemployment and so time consuming to deal with or so poorly paid out that the people applying for it either starve to death from low payments, go insane filling out forms and dealing with technicalities or give up in frustration and becomes homeless or kill themselves.

“It’s great! No matter what we come out on top and intact! What do you think?”

Jason was quiet for a moment, no emotion showing on his face. Suddenly he jumped up inspired.

“That’s a great idea Derek! Let’s put it into operation immediately! In fact, I’m going to email it to all the other State unemployment offices so they can do the same. Our jobs are saved! Hurray!” He then ran off down the hall to use the fax machine.

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A Message From The Upper 1% To You Remaining 99% Lesserlings

A Message From The Upper 1% To You Remaining 99% Lesserlings

Greetings,

We, the 1% of this nation and others in this world that truly control what goes on inside our societies have taken the time to write to you little people who make up the other 99% of the citizenry.

You should be thankful. We rarely take the time or the danger of sullying ourselves by dealing with you lesserlings.

In truth, we are making this condescension in order to let you people know your place. You might as well get used to the idea that we run things now and have for a long time. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Society2 Comments

Donald Trump’s Diary Released

Donald Trump’s Diary Released

“Trump filed the suit against Palm Beach County last week, claiming his history of conflict with Palm Beach International Airport has led officials to spitefully redirect air traffic over his historic Mar-a-Lago estate in south Florida.”
– USA Today – January 13, 2015

“Once again, Donald Trump claims he’s flirting with a run for the White House.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Misspelled Sign Places Pep Boys in Hot Water

Misspelled Sign Places Pep Boys in Hot Water

Portland, Oregon – Manny, Moe & Jack may soon be changing their names to Fanny, Blow & Whack following the grand opening of the newest Pep Boys store on Alberta Street in downtown Portland on Saturday morning.

Prior to opening the doors for the first time, Store Manager Marc Maasseli, removed an opaque sheet of plastic covering the store’s sign to reveal “Peep Boys” instead of the familiar “Pep Boys” that the 300 customers, reporters and company executives standing outside were expecting. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Crime10 Comments

BLACK FRIDAY – The Evil American Plot To Destroy Britain Is A Success!

BLACK FRIDAY – The Evil American Plot To Destroy Britain Is A Success!

Friday, November 28th 2014 will reign as a black day in British history, black not only for the dark deeds done on that day but also for the foul American import that caused them- BLACK FRIDAY!

Long accustomed to importing all new things American, England has finally introduced an epidemic that is proving to be every bit as bad as when the Black Plague was brought in by ships in the 1500’s. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, World News0 Comments

Medical Science Identifies Source of Chronic Left Butt Cheek Pain

Medical Science Identifies Source of Chronic Left Butt Cheek Pain

In recent years, more and more males have suffered from a chronic pain in the non-facial left cheek. Now medical science has identified this left butt pain as SRCA or severe rewards card accumulation.

SRCA is a slowly developing condition brought on by the ongoing acquisition of more and more loyalty and rewards cards.

As a sufferer acquires additional pieces of plastic, his wallet grows in size to the point where it burrows into his left gluteal muscle thereby causing discomfort and pain. Continue Reading

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UN Issues Long-term Weather Forecast

UN Issues Long-term Weather Forecast

Long-term worldwide weather forecast issued by the United Nations Meteorological Agency:

Unsettled conditions expected for much of the planet for the foreseeable future. In particular, we anticipate further weather extremes in the middle eastern section of the globe.

Since a large-scale western storm hit Iraq in 2003, there have been ongoing disruptions throughout that region. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Environment0 Comments

Man Starts Kickstarter Campaign  to Support Kickstarter Campaigns

Man Starts Kickstarter Campaign to Support Kickstarter Campaigns

Jacob Nastroni doesn’t consider himself an ideas man, but he has at least one he’s putting to the test:

“There are a lot of different Kickstarter projects that I’d love to get behind, but unfortunately I just don’t have the financial means to really get behind them,” says the aspiring venture capitalist.

“I really like seeing the entrepreneurial spirit some of these people have, and, if I’m honest about it, more than a little jealous.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Internets Tubes0 Comments

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