Categorized | Politics

Non-Partisan Partisan Groups Terrorizing Republicans, Democrats Alike

Non-Partisan Partisan Groups Terrorizing Republicans, Democrats Alike

Sick of the constant bickering between the two major political parties in America and the endless difficulties if makes for the common man, small groups of non-partisan partisan groups have taken to hiding in the woods and in the cellars and sewers of towns and cities.

Rejected and hounded by members of the two elite political groups, the non-partisans have elected to seek their freedom somewhere away from the commotion and hatreds of the two rivals.

In a society that demands everyone be one of two types of political entity- either red or blue, liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, left or right and if not a person will be ridiculed, rejected, pilloried and tormented until he conforms to the norm.

Many have decided that life has larger dimensions than just the political and that neither of the two groups satisfied them and thereby sought other alternatives for their lives. Like Robin Hood and his Merry Men they have taken to the forests or like the Yugoslav and Polish Resistance in World War II they have hidden themselves in the underground to support their beliefs.

From their secluded hiding places, they have been harassing the entrenched politicos by all means possible. Drive-by tomato throwing, tree toilet papering, hanging chad clipping, campaign sign graffitiing, hanging political figures in effigy and writing rude statements on toilet walls have all been tactics used by the non-partisans to disturb the powers that dominate.

They non-conform by writing in third parties both real and imagined on ballots. They campaign for issues the Dems and Reps are afraid to touch like being able to bash cars whose alarms go off in public, being able to hang around ATM’s to pick up girls who use them and urinating freely in trash cans (both men and women).

The biggest damage they do is by introducing new ideas that neither side has thought of before and by weakening the other groups power base by not joining their leagues.

The non-partisans have been known to kidnap liberals and conservatives and try to influence them with the opposite parties beliefs, ie. teaching Democrats about basic Republican beliefs and vice-versa. In both cases this has failed as the kidnapee only gets a blank look on their face and their brain locks up from the toxic shock of having a different point of view injected into their head. Tea Partyers, communists and gun nuts commonly have epileptic-like seizures from it.

Democrats and Republicans are staying indoors out of sheer horror of the non-partisans. They never know where or how the they will strike again. The Tea Partyers are buying more guns, blockading their doors and then sending their kids out to see if the coast is clear or to pick up the morning paper.


This post was written by

- who has written 563 posts on

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at


One Response to “Non-Partisan Partisan Groups Terrorizing Republicans, Democrats Alike”

  1. rfreed says:

    I couldn’t have asked for a better picture!


Leave a Reply

We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!

Check us out on Kickstarter!

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL Videos) --

Glossy News Fake Commercials!

More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial