Gambling Trends in the UK for 2018

The iGaming industry in the United Kingdom is currently undergoing significant change pertaining to new regulations set by regulatory bodies on the code of conduct required for a casino to operate. Brick and mortar establishments, as well as virtual gaming destinations, are subject to the reviews presented to casinos by the UK Gambling Commission. Some of the critical areas that have been affected by the set rules include advertising and marketing. Read more Gambling Trends in the UK for 2018


Israel Ruins Protesters, Commits to Ruining Own Reputation

On May 5th, the United States officially moved the US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, sparking praise from end-of-days zealots, protests from Palestinians, and a volley of bullets and tear gas from Israeli soldiers posted on the border. Read more Israel Ruins Protesters, Commits to Ruining Own Reputation


Trump Typos Due to Staff Killing Spell Check: “He Can’t Handle the Criticism!”

White House insiders have suggested that Trump’s many embarrassing typos are not the result of his stupidity or lack of access to technology, but because Maggie Jaakobson, an intern in her third week, was instructed to turn off the spell check feature on his phone because he couldn’t handle the criticsm.

“Miss Jaakobson is no longer working here,” explained world-renowned liar and future Mrs. Potatohead Sarah Huckabee-Sanders. “She’s been fired for her gross incompetence and reckless disregard for the American people.” Read more Trump Typos Due to Staff Killing Spell Check: “He Can’t Handle the Criticism!”


Why Do People Keep Breaking the Internet, and How Can We Get Them to Stop?

You would think that something could be broken only so many times, but apparently when it comes to the Internet, the laws of (meta)physics make an exception. Every few days. Read more Why Do People Keep Breaking the Internet, and How Can We Get Them to Stop?


Young Walmart Folk Discouraged About Making Ends-Meat (!), Learn New Recipe

Having worked at a dime over minimum wage, Maria Jones appreciates the part-time wages from Walmart. She’s struggled, but a new, FREE recipe handed down from the notoriously progressive management has solved almost all her problems. Read more Young Walmart Folk Discouraged About Making Ends-Meat (!), Learn New Recipe


Ghost of PT Barnum Watches Screener of ‘The Greatest Showman,’ Commits to Haunting Hugh Jackman

Famed circus man and sensationalist P.T. Barnum was resurrected last week, coughing and spitting as he was reanimated from his sarcophagus, to watch a bootleg screener of “The Greatest Showman” starring Hugh Wolverine. To say he wasn’t impressed would be to undersell the greatest showman who ever lived, died, and lived again, however briefly. Read more Ghost of PT Barnum Watches Screener of ‘The Greatest Showman,’ Commits to Haunting Hugh Jackman


Mark Zuckerberg Removed from World’s Richest Humans List on a Technicality

Cunning Valley resident and sneaky human analog Mark Zuckerberg has been removed from the Forbes Richest list on the technicality that he has failed to provide proof of his humanity. Read more Mark Zuckerberg Removed from World’s Richest Humans List on a Technicality


“I Mean, Who WOULDN’T Like to Punch a Nazi?” Asks Fellow Nazi

Ari Anacion, self-proclaimed white nationalist, neo-nazi, and part-time full-time child slapper, knows that people like him are likely enough to get punched, when you think about. Nonetheless, he asks, “I mean, why wouldn’t the J… [ED: somebody, anybody, who cares what!] wanna to punch a Nazi?Read more “I Mean, Who WOULDN’T Like to Punch a Nazi?” Asks Fellow Nazi


I’ve Changed My Mind on Gun Control- Let’s Make them REALLY Hard to Get

As a former gun owner, I’ve finally changed my mind on guns. Not just for myself, I grew out of that years ago, but for everyone.

For years I’ve said we need to meet the staunch pro-gun guys halfway. But after decades of them refusing to budge an inch, I’m done with it. Read more I’ve Changed My Mind on Gun Control- Let’s Make them REALLY Hard to Get


Tips on How to Make your Own Cannabis Seeds

Are you growing your own cannabis? If you are – then you will know there is nothing more rewarding than growing your own seeds too.  We’ve put together some handy tips as to how you can make seeds on isolated branches without risking pollinating your entire crop. Read more Tips on How to Make your Own Cannabis Seeds


Hundreds of Slaves Rescued from IKEA Mines in Svooolsbaaard Mountains

In a sunrise raid in Sweden, which in fairness is about 4 hours long this time of year, UNPOL officers (not to be confused with Unipol) rescued dozens of blonde teenagers from the IKEA mines (not to be confused with ISIS, ISIL or Iain Duncan Smith) several meters from the company headquarters.

Ingvar Namewithheld was among the rescued, telling her tales of times spent stuck in the furniture mines. Read more Hundreds of Slaves Rescued from IKEA Mines in Svooolsbaaard Mountains


How Does Casino Design Affect Success?

First impressions count for a lot. The biggest retail brands spend millions each year just to make sure the front of their stores, and the layout behind them, is geared towards impressing and often amazing customers. To give an idea of how big a business design and layout can be, fashion brand Dolce & Gabbana spent £7 million to take over all of Harrods’ shop windows last Christmas, as well as setting up multiple concession stands. Harrods itself is known for a dazzling, eccentric layout that can’t be found elsewhere too, making this a match made in heaven.

Casinos definitely subscribe to this ‘image first’ strategy, but sometimes for entirely different reasons. Naturally, physical casinos need to look appealing from the outside, and once customers have made the decision to go inside and play some games, they need to keep the experience both exciting but also comfortable. Behind the plush décor, however, there are a variety of tricks of the trade that are used to not only keep players happy, but actually make them spend more money.

One of the main issues that both land-based and online casinos face is the huge levels of competition. This is where clever design can not only keep players interested, but also build a reputation that will help the casino to stand apart from the others vying for new players.

An assault on the senses

When entering a casino, players will likely be greeted by an attractive main entrance, especially in places like Las Vegas, where the designs can be very garish. Just like a theme park, being greeted by something that says ‘you’ll have fun here’ is designed to get people excited as they arrive, and creates atmosphere before they’ve even set foot through the door. This will be accompanied by bright lights, often TV screens showing people having a great time, and sometimes a friendly greeter who is there to not only show you where the best tables are, but make sure you actually come through the doors and don’t turn away.

The next time you visit a casino, turn around and take a look at the entrance once you’re inside. Not as grand and obvious is it? You may even need to find an alternative exit if there’s a one way system, and even then you’ll probably have to ask where it is. This one of the easiest tricks in the book, and is used in places like department stores, too. Having no clear exit means players are more likely to be drawn into another game, and savvy casino staff may try to convince players to stay a little longer if they pluck up the courage to ask where they can leave.

Keeping out natural light

Lighting plays a huge role in casino design. At the Wynn Casino in Las Vegas, lighting is used to create specific zones throughout the gaming floor, as well as in areas like bars and restrooms. Attractive, coloured lights create an ambience at tables, but the walkways that lead to exits are often poorly lit, and it’s virtually impossible for sunlight to enter the gaming floor. This not only keeps players at the tables, but prevents them from seeing what time of day it is using the sun. Letting players lose track of time is a key feature of many casinos – the idea being that if players can’t see and feel time, then they’ll play longer and end up spending more. If the lighting is dull and miserable at the bar, but warm and inviting at the tables, then humans will naturally go to the comfortable looking place – where the tables and slot machines are, which just happens to be where the money is made.

The persuasive power of music

Music is another weapon that casinos use to keep players at the tables, and even to coerce them into taking more risks. London’s Hippodrome casino looks fantastic and still has elements of the theatre that used to be inside the building, but a big part of the atmosphere created comes from the music being played. Lots of casino use subtle music, and the Hippodrome uses a clever mix of relaxing, upbeat songs at the tables, and faster, less appealing tunes at places like the bars and in bathrooms and cloakrooms.

The tempo and melody of music can alter a player’s perception, and control how they act. A bit like the effect of fast music making people drive faster, quicker tempo in the less important places makes people buy their drinks faster, or wash their hands that little bit faster, in order to get back to the tables sooner. Once players are at the tables, music that makes them feel relaxed in their minds also helps them become more relaxed with their wallets, too.

Getting it right online

Naturally, online gambling is a different world when it comes to design and layout. Tricks like altered lighting and free food and drinks can’t be used to keep players playing, and the exit is visible at all times with a big red cross in the top left or right of the screen, or a home or back button if playing on mobile. This is where unique and intuitive design players a key role in retaining customers, and keeping them playing for longer, too.

Many online casinos simply lay out their games within a polished but often boring-looking web page format, with players navigating the ‘gaming floor’ through a difficult to navigate interface. With almost 100 ‘large’ online casinos in the (with a combined turnover of £10m) there’s plenty of choice – and if players get bored quickly or aren’t initially impressed by what’s on offer, then getting to another ‘casino’ takes as long as a Google search.

One way online casinos can keep hold of their customers is by standing out from the crowd with a unique design and a huge massive selection of virtual games. 777 Casino, part of the 888 Holdings Group, does this masterfully. With a 1950s theme, players can enjoy a bit of nostalgia, and the whole design really stands out from the crowd, essential when there are lots of website clones that share the same games and sometimes even the same jackpots.

The other key factor for online gambling now are apps. Right up until summer 2017, neither Google or Apple allowed ‘real money’ casino apps on their app stores, which changed in August when both platforms started hosting them. This provided a huge opportunity for gambling operators by making their app designs even more tempting. Online casino apps again use themes, interfaces, easily navigable menus and even music and video to provide a premium feel, but getting a design in place that keeps customers coming back for more is a huge challenge.

The prime example

When Trump’s Castle, then Trump Marina, opened in Atlantic City in 1985, it had a weird mixture of modern, stylish casino and odd, renaissance, medieval theming that just didn’t work. There was a lot of negative space, a definite ‘big box’ feel and some truly awful interior décor. Luckily, and unlike many other unfortunate casinos in Atlantic City that folded or remain closed, Landry’s, who own the Golden Nugget brand, brought the Marina casino into line with the famous Golden Nugget theming and layout. They transformed it into the classic, lightbulb-studded affair seen on the old Vegas strip, and applied a modern, planned layout.

The $150 million upgrade just goes to show how important layout and design are to a brand like Landry’s, and it’s nailed on that the casino will make a profit over the next five years according to their figures. These vast amounts of money and the reviews, repeat visits and reputation that casinos earn may come from good customer service and of course an enjoyable time, but casinos certainly couldn’t do it without a solid foundation – and this is exactly what good a good casino design provides.


Facebook to Add “Like” button for Likes

If you ever liked someone’s post and felt bad that they didn’t like you back, Facebook has you covered. Soon you’ll be able to like likes and like your like-likes.

“Do you know that feeling deep in the pit of your heart?” asked sentient meatbag Mark Zuzkerberg. “When you take the time to like a post but nobody likes your like? Those days are over.” Read more Facebook to Add “Like” button for Likes