Julianna Rose Maurelio, Stephanie from LazyTown, Dead of Apparent Suicide Overdose

Julianna Rose Maurelio, Stephanie from LazyTown, Dead of Apparent Suicide Overdose

Beloved and coveted former child actress and sex icon Julianna Rose Maurilio was found dead in her Bangkok apartment where she was staying while filming an upcoming feature.

“Stephanie [from] LazyTown was on TV, I’m told,” said coroner Panupong Mantri. “[The toxicology screen] says she overdosed on sleeping pills and pain killers… Far too much to be accident of getting high [on the drugs for recreation.]” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television7 Comments

Prepare the Anti-Matter Beam!

Prepare the Anti-Matter Beam!

Those words are not coming from a Star Trek script, or a Sci-Fi movie, they are actually being given by the scientists of ASACUSA , a multi-disciplinary collaboration between CERN and Japan’s RIKEN research center.

ASACUSA team leader, Yasunori Yamazaki is some kind of Captain Kirk for these guys, requesting things like:

-Check the superconducting anti-Helmholtz coil!
-Scan the multiple ring electrodes!
-Prepare the microwave cavity and a beam-focusing spin-selector ready for operation!
-Check all stats for Fantasy football!
(Ok, that one is mine! lol)
I can actually imagine the whole Star Trek crew, like in an episode of the famous TV show, and myself finding stats at sports websites like Sports Betting Dime.
But the future is now, and those are real engineering marvels that put us a little closer to the answers we´re looking for…

But, what´s the deal with anti-matter stuff?

Sci-Fi movies were able to educate us enough to know that matter and anti-matter annihilate each other in a flash of energy when they interact… Do you remember Angels & Demons by Dan Brown? Something like that.

In this case, scientists are trying to understand why matter prevails in this Universe of ours. If anti-matter and matter co-exist in balance (that’s what we think they do), why is anti-matter so difficult to perceive?

In order to find the answers, Europe’s CERN research center set a new number of particle-smashing experiments, including a special trap. The anti-matter, shows a particular problem–it’s hard to keep the atoms in existence long enough to make fine-scale measurements.

So, this special magnetic trap located at CERN’s Anti-proton Decelerator facility is making the difference for scientists, “bringing the possibility to guide the energetic anti-atoms to a region with a weak magnetic field. This is so we can have high-precision studies of anti-hydrogen atoms, particularly the hyper-fine structure, one of the two best known spectroscopic properties of hydrogen” Yasunori Yamazaki said.

These “mad” scientists won’t build an anti-matter cannon to destroy an asteroid (Why not?), but their discoveries will bring more possibilities to use anti-matter knowledge for medical purposes, like the PET scanners that actually are used by hospitals around the world to take snapshots of our bodies.

So, the next time you hear “Prepare the anti-matter beam!” turn your attention to the Swiss-French border… chances are Captain Kirk is there!

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Posted in Technology, Television7 Comments

Seeking Alternatives to Lethal Injection, States Consider Guillotine, Bear Mauling

Seeking Alternatives to Lethal Injection, States Consider Guillotine, Bear Mauling

Assville, Missouri — On the heels of an execution gone disturbingly wrong in Ohio, states are pondering more modern ways to execute death row inmates.

McGuire was convicted of brutally raping and murdering a pregnant newlywed. The Ohio execution of Dennis McGuire took nearly 25 minutes and was criticized by many for its apparent lack of efficacy, since the inmate gasped and gurgled for breath for what seemed an eternity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest5 Comments

49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night

49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night

The San Francisco 49ers had a terrible 12-4 season, but this Sunday they face the Seattle Seahawks with a stunning 13-3 regular season record. Facing certain defeat, 49ers fans are widely expected to commit mass, ritual suicide.

The Seahawks have the best defense in the league, and have been favored over the 49ers by 3-9 points/game this regular and post-season, but even losing inside the spread is unlikely to sate the bloodlust for sacrifice to make for a better team next season. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, Sportsfolk11 Comments

Fourteen-Year-Old Florida Boy Expelled for being Named Joffrey

Fourteen-Year-Old Florida Boy Expelled for being Named Joffrey

Fourteen year old Joffrey Stevens of Astapor High School was instantly expelled today once it became clear that he shared his name with the infamous Game of Thrones king, and all round hated guy, Joffrey Baratheon.

Young Joffrey Stevens had no idea the drama that was in store for him when he awoke this morning. “I was beyond excited to be starting at a new school, a fresh start,” he told GOTnews earlier this afternoon. “I was always bullied at my previous school, almost as if the students blamed me for something. There was constant talk about how I was a monster brought into the world by incense, or insects, or some word similar to that.”

There was even reports of an older girl throwing her pomegranate juice all over Stevens, shouting hysterically about some wedding.

During the morning’s roll call, Jon Sun, Stevens’ teacher, immediately sent him to the headmaster’s office. Sun has since suffered from a panic attack. “I never wanted this teaching job at Astapor High,” says Sun, “although after gambling away all of my Christmas savings at http://jackgold.com this past December, I had no other choice. There are certain boundaries,” which Sun strongly believes Joffrey crossed. “I mean, Ned Stark did nothing wrong, he didn’t deserve that fate, the whole ordeal is utterly unforgivable.”

Joffrey’s mother, Lanni Stevens, is absolutely appalled about the entire situation, saying that Game of Thrones wasn’t even a big deal when her and her husband decided to name their son Joffrey. “We both just really liked the name,” she said, “how was I to know that the name would become associated with one of the most hated people of all time?”

“We have to take a zero tolerance approach to sensitive matters such as this,” Mrs. H. Odor, headmaster of Astapor High replied, when asked whether the expulsion would stick. “With the recent release of the new Game of Thrones trailer, it is evident that young King Joffrey has not changed his evil ways. Until he has come to his senses, we cannot risk having Joffrey Stevens wandering these corridors freely”.

GOTnews has so far been unsuccessful in their attempt to receive any form of statement from ‘A Game of Thrones’ author, George R. R. Martin, although insiders close to the author have allegedly told reporters that “they know nothing.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is actually a guest post from Jason, who I know through an internet colleague. If it wins the monthly contest, it will go to him, not Dexter.

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Television0 Comments

Come on, Google ChromeCast, You Know What We Want

Come on, Google ChromeCast, You Know What We Want

Google came out with an innovative product at an amazing price. For just $35 you can get a clever HDMI device to plug into your Hi-Def TV to receive broadcast video from nearly any wireless device in your home.

But as great as it is, it still sucks one approximate pail of floppy donkey dicks.

With this affordable device you can stream Hulu-Plus (not the real Hulu, but the one you have to pay for,) Pandora and YouTube. You can also stream anything that shows up on Google Chrome, which is nearly everything, save for a ton of the things you actually want.

If you have files saved locally to your hard drive, you might be disappointed when you try to play them. You can drag files and drop them in the address bar, and early tests said many files would work just fine.

There are literally zero files from the various cameras I’ve owned over the past few years that will play in Google Chrome. Many of the video files I get to review won’t play, which is a bummer.

I installed MyPlex to work around it, but it’s a weak workaround. It’s a tricky, mostly terrible interface. It tries to do too much without actually doing the one, basic thing you want it to. That’s no good, Google.

In a perfect world, Google would make a local player that allows for browsing by folder. Short of that, they could just support a wider variety of files in the damn Chrome browser.

Maybe Google knows better than I that I don’t really want to see my family videos again, or the home videos my friends share with me. I can admit, these are likely painfully awful videos, but seriously, if there was just even a half-assed attempt to accept a reasonable range of modern filetypes, I’d rate this a must-buy device… but it doesn’t, so I can’t.

I’ll still say it’s pretty good, and that it’s something you should think about, but the market for it as of now is pretty limited. You have to be tech savvy, you have to only desire a narrow range of filetypes to be supported, and you have to be patient as hell, since it’s still equally buggy. Equally buggy as hell.

Disclaimer: Google didn’t give me a Chromecast, I bought it myself. The only thing they ever gave me in the 8-years I’ve been working with them was a free lava lamp for participating in a marketing test, and it died within a month. I can’t say I’m not in anyone’s pocket, but I’m definitely not in theirs.

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Video News Blooper Reel Proves MSM Make it Up as they Go Along

Video News Blooper Reel Proves MSM Make it Up as they Go Along

DATELINE-ANYWHERE – One of the biggest obstacles we face, as a news outlet, is the claim that we’re not as credible as other outlets. This video montage should show otherwise.

While we may not check our facts, source our stories, or stand behind even a single one of our quotes (we stood behind a few last year, but we’ve been busy in 2013,) we’re still doing a better job than the mainstream media.

We don’t curse, we don’t blurt out, and not just because we don’t “do it live“, but we measure our tone quite a bit. Sometimes it’s not enough to sate the angry censors at Google Adsense, but they’re committed to being only mostly evil, so we let it pass.

So while we’re far from Award Winning (though arguably Nomination-Adjacent) we’re still doing way better than those in the video montage listed below.

[Please beware, some ounces of what follows below may be a tad NSFW.]

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Thanksgiving Holiday Raises Age-Old Family Question: What is Football?

Thanksgiving Holiday Raises Age-Old Family Question: What is Football?

Aunt Marjorie is still at the table, Uncle Dave is in the den screaming about God knows what, and all the kids are jacked up on pumpkin pie. Yes, it’s football/Thanksgiving season once again.

But what is football? Some Americans call it “footy” but they are all promptly ridiculed and beaten by those who love them most. They want them to understand yardage, NFL Lines and why there are so many commercials. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sportsfolk2 Comments

Black Friday Special: Green Bio-Methane Grill

Black Friday Special: Green Bio-Methane Grill

Innovar Products LLC has something for every taste this holiday season. It’s a grill that cooks up your favorite steaks, burgers and even veggie burgers, with 100% natural gas reclaimed from renewable sources.

“It’s the greenest thing this side of grass,” says Jason Holmesworth, marketing director for Innovar. “Methane is the leading greenhouse gas. We’re capturing it in a natural, non-invasive way, and selling it to eco-friendly consumers.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

Forget Black Friday, It’s Time for Red, White & Blue Friday

Forget Black Friday, It’s Time for Red, White & Blue Friday

We spend so much time working like hell to spend so much money buying worthless crap made in China to impress people we might not even like. This year, let’s skip the sweatshop goods and buy local to make Christmas truly great.

You’ve got a few bucks to spend, you want to get something that’s really special, well newsflash! America has that in spades.

You don’t need to seek landfill-quality goods from abroad to make this holiday season special. You can spend the same amount of money and get American made goods to make an even bigger splash, and here’s how. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Society2 Comments

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa — Review

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa — Review

It’s pretty rare that we see a movie in theaters, let alone in first run. We simply had to watch Jackass:3d and Nitro Circus, so in the same vein, we had to contribute to the delinquency of Dickhouse Productions this time around.

My expectations of Bad Grandpa were pretty high, but I have to say, it delivered. Continue Reading

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Posted in Talky Pictures0 Comments

The Consumer Credit Freeze is Real

The Consumer Credit Freeze is Real

I had perfect credit 20 years ago. I leveraged it to make a mint, on paper, before everything went south. It all went south over 15 years ago, but credit is still frozen.

Average consumers simply cannot obtain credit. Even those above average struggle. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News1 Comment

Pappy Worked His Way Through College; Jr. is Boned

Pappy Worked His Way Through College; Jr. is Boned

We’ve heard it countless times from conservatives, congressan and conservative congressman… My dad (the speaker) was poor, but he worked his way through college, and “here I am! A self-made success!” Yeah, those days are gone.

An aspiring poor simply cannot pay their way through college, and here’s the math, in case you doubt reality. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education1 Comment

The Changes to European Club Rugby – Americans Indifferent

The Changes to European Club Rugby – Americans Indifferent

There are massive changes afoot in the world of Rugby Union. While there has been some agreement recently as to the future of the sport, there are still many obstacles to overcome.

Following an 18-month impasse, the six unions involved in the Heineken Cup (England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Italy and France) held a two-day summit in Dublin to decide how a European club competition would work next season. The English and French clubs have stated that they intend to form a breakaway competition next season. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Blowback from Koch Story from (Un)likely A-Hole

Blowback from Koch Story from (Un)likely A-Hole

We recently ran a story about the infamous Koch brothers’ wealth. Their wealth has increased $33 billion since the horrible Obama took office, but apparently that’s not enough of a story for some random jackass from the internet.

So let’s give “Kevin from Connecticut” his fair ounce of air time. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

Mega-Millionaire Ricky Gervais Sells Out Stephen Merchant

Mega-Millionaire Ricky Gervais Sells Out Stephen Merchant

Ricky Gervais blessed the sitcom world with the creation of “The Office” and numerous other brilliant shows. But it seems he’s forgotten what made him great as he threw his longtime friend and comedy partner Stephen Merchant under the bus.

Comic genius and self-professed egomaniac Ricky Gervais is the creator of the international smash franchise “The Office” as well as critically acclaimed shows like “Derek”, “An Idiot Abroad,” “Extras” and four masterful stand up comedy tours. Doesn’t mean he’s not a prick. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television10 Comments

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