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Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (2/2)

Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (2/2)

Earlier, President Obama introduced his plan to expand the International Community.

He briefly and compassionately considered Palestine, Vatican City, the future Greater Israel, China, Japan, Russia, EU, India…

But none of them meet the high standards of the Global Village Patriarchs. Continue Reading

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Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (1/2)

Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (1/2)

Malicious and insidious recalcitrationalists from Glossynews and other disreputable non-Fox/-MSBC media outlets have been ignorantly and brutally ridiculing The Universal Interest.

And it’s purely on these grounds, and not on account of any cynical or disingenuous motivation whatsoever…

That President Obama has held a press conference in Arkansas, in order to prove the general greater-goody-goodiness of The Greater Good, and the hyper-monopolistic “Ourness” of “Our Common Humanity.” Continue Reading

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David Cameron Apologises for “Humanitarian Caliphate” Smear

David Cameron Apologises for “Humanitarian Caliphate” Smear

David Cameron has been forced to make a humiliating climbdown, after incorrectly claiming that the Humanitarian Caliphate is an even better caliphate than the Daesh/IS/ISIS/ISIL/IKEA one.

Calm down dear; listen to what the Grand Physician says… sorry, I mean, “orders you to believe. ”

I only meant it in a flippant manner, not in a po-faced, dusty manner like the Kippers. My point was that we have a lot in common with ISIS, except we are even better. Continue Reading

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Patronizing Miliband, Campbell Reach out to “Stamp-Collecting Community”

Patronizing Miliband, Campbell Reach out to “Stamp-Collecting Community”

Ed Miliband has finally found a way to nail the election in 2015…

Shortly after which, he will be himself will also be nailed up and flogged in the public square by the media every day of mourning and Twitternight of his life.

Still, every Great British PM must follow the Way of the Masters… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry has threatened the pitiful Unamerican/Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet “Glossynews” with humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.

Read the transcript, and promise me not to laugh. This shit is serious.

The illegitimate Glossynews editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.

These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and it’s about time they started acting accountably. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, War Zone0 Comments

(The) News (Really) Bytes – March

(The) News (Really) Bytes – March

57 Republican Senators send a letter to the Iranian government stating that all of Obama’s efforts to create a truce between them and us is in vain because when they get back in power they will make them great, horrible enemies again so that their armaments keepers will still give them kickbacks- Way to go guys!

It wasn’t bad enough that you made Obama look bad by inviting that Yahoo named Netanyahu over to blather on about how this whole deal will endanger his own country that doesn’t give a whit about what is good for the U.S. or the rest of the world, only his land matters.

Just remember, Senators, that it is guys like you that started this whole mess with Iran. Do you recall back when we supported the Shah who was a ruthless dictator who slaughtered and tortured his own people? You don’t? I didn’t think so. The Iranians certainly haven’t forgotten.

The Republican memory doesn’t seem to roam much beyond the latest artificial crisis that they have themselves invented. And why is newly elected Senator Tom Cotton raising all this fuss in the first place? Aren’t they supposed to know their place according to right wing tradition?

Hillary’s emails – Speaking of artificial crises. Hillary kept her emails secret? So what! What are we, the National Enquirer? Rupert Murdoch nosing his way into everyone’s telephone conversations? With the NSA peeking at everything we do outside bedroom trysts maybe that is not a bad idea.

She even had her own server to help keep it private. Guess what? That makes her SMART! Isn’t that what you want in a Presidential candidate? Oh, I know- you Republican guys want another Bush. Forget I even mentioned it.

The Keystone Pipeline – It is the environmentalists against the right wing, or, another way of looking at it- the non-realistic idealists versus the ruthlessly greedy.

Question- they have refineries up in Canada don’t they?. They aren’t really a third world country that can’t turn black icky stuff into stinky clear stuff that will power your mobile up to the 7-11 for a late night booze run. Why can’t they just make the stuff up there?

Oh, I forgot, we have to control all the oil in the world. Sorry, I forgot. True, it will bring more employment. They already have so many people up there that it is throwing the original North Dakotans into turmoil. Plus there is all that work cleaning up the derailed crude oil trains. Also the streams they pollute.

Moscow finds ‘suspects’ in the killing of the dissident Boris Nemtsov – How convenient! The Moscow police find the ‘suspected’ killers of Boris Nemtsov, the opposition leader gunned down on his way home from a party.

And they just happen to be Chechen! How is that for odd! The Chechens are only Putin’s biggest pain in the butt in Russia, being Muslim and uppity and all.

Strange, though, that they would have a reason to shoot Boris Nemtsov. You would think that they would like anyone who rattles Putin’s cage. There is just no knowing on such things.

Except the KGB who just might know that this is a great way to kill (or imprison) two birds with one stone- Putin gets rid of two pains in the butt at one time, one being Nemtsov and the other being a number of Chechens who are probably nothing but trouble to him anyway.

India removes documentary on gang raping of young student on bus – Yeah, just pretend like it never happened. Maybe Indian girls should start wearing veils over their faces like the Muslims do.

Maybe the Indian government officials should too so that it harder to scrutinize them.

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KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

Previous version published on thespoof.co.uk, entitled: “KKK: Underground Rap A-OK, but ONLY Underground Rap.”

Well hey, some classics just bear repeating. You can’t seriously tell me my remixes are inferior to those of, say, Axwell and all those dudes.

The Ku Klux Klan has made a somewhat peculiar (and not necessarily entirely sincere?) attempt to find black supporters and allies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Strange People, Top Stories1 Comment

UKIP’s Tarquin: Idle Woman Bishops, Naughty Un-British Weather

UKIP’s Tarquin: Idle Woman Bishops, Naughty Un-British Weather

Disclaimer: First of all, in the name of the scrupulous and unquestionable (or maybe just unquestionable) media integrity that has made Britain “Great…”

Sorry, erm, really crap, actually …

Well, I republish my original article (from dailybull.co.uk) WITHOUT ANY ORWELLIAN TAMPERING WHATSOEVER. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics1 Comment

Sexual Identity Cr-ISIS

Sexual Identity Cr-ISIS

Mosul, Iraq—This week, rebel fighter under the banner of ISIS, began destroyed over 100,000 volumes of rare, historic books.

A month prior, ISIS fighters raided the University of Mosul’s library and burned hundreds of books of cultural significance.

Why the sudden turn from enforcing strict sharia law, to now, burning antique Arabic literature? University of Mosul historian Rahman Al Salami explains, “Butt stuff. Lots and lots of butt stuff.” Continue Reading

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Posted in World News1 Comment

A Message From The Upper 1% To You Remaining 99% Lesserlings

A Message From The Upper 1% To You Remaining 99% Lesserlings

Greetings,

We, the 1% of this nation and others in this world that truly control what goes on inside our societies have taken the time to write to you little people who make up the other 99% of the citizenry.

You should be thankful. We rarely take the time or the danger of sullying ourselves by dealing with you lesserlings.

In truth, we are making this condescension in order to let you people know your place. You might as well get used to the idea that we run things now and have for a long time. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Society2 Comments

Netan-YAHOO’s Speaks Before The American Congress

Netan-YAHOO’s Speaks Before The American Congress

The President of Israel, Netan-YAHOO, has given his talk today at the American Congress.

His coming to America has been a bone of contention between the Republicans and Democrats (what else is new?) as Netan-YAHOO was not invited by President Obama but rather by Speaker of the House John Boehner, a breach of normal U.S. international protocol unless of course you want to piss off the President and make him look bad. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying

In a gently-conducted interview (surprisingly gentle!) on his home turf of MSNBC, Bill Clinton has actually admitted telling a lie.

Huh? Ya what? Yes, this is pretty much unprecedented in American history. See the following astonishing words from Clinton:

I actually never knew how to play the saxophone. I was more a steel guitar or Indonesian gamelan man.

I am kind of sorry, in a way; just a little bit. I mean, I’m sorry to have to tell you, anyway… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

President Obama is concerned at the harsh stigma attached to militants of the Islamic State.

So he has some wise words for the more narrow-minded citizens, who take a merely partisan approach towards the Islamic State…

Now let me say this. The Islamic State, ISIS, ISIL, call it what you will (perhaps apart from the derogatory term “Daesh…”)

Yes, the Islamic State is a nation with whom we currently have some significant diplomatic obstacles, and breaks in the flow of communication. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Finally! A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

Finally! A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square.

Really??!!!!

Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form?
Is the second great Russian revolution finally taking form?

No. False alarm. Go ahead and go back to whatever you were doing. Nothing to see here. No fire. No bodies to see. Just another Putin backed big show of force and false support for his international messing with every other country on earth. Continue Reading

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Posted in World News0 Comments

Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

Melbourne born software Developer Mike Pearce has thwarted government plans to impose mandatory data retention for all Australian citizens by fundamentally changing the way the internet works.

Australian PM, Tony Abbott is currently being accused of bullying the opposition and scaring the Australian people into submission with his new data retention plan.

The plan is being fiercely fought by Australia’s newest political superhero-to-the-people, Senator Scott Ludlam. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, World News0 Comments

GlossyNews Scores Exclusive Interview w/ Vlad the Impaler Putin, Czar of Russia

GlossyNews Scores Exclusive Interview w/ Vlad the Impaler Putin, Czar of Russia

Glossy News has been fortunate enough to be granted an interview with Vladimir Putin, the leader of Russia, a man very much in the news these days.

It is not often that the Premier grants anyone from the West an exclusive interview, especially since he is not allowed to enter the U.S.

We had to do the Interview on his exclusive 300 foot yacht off the Crimea coast. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone26 Comments

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