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Obama Renames Mount McKinley “Caitlyn”

Obama Renames Mount McKinley “Caitlyn”

President Obama announced this Sunday that he is officially changing the name of Mount McKinley in Alaska, to Caitlyn, via his 1, 079th executive order since taking office in 2009.

The mountain formally known as McKinley, at 20,320 feet, is the tallest in North America, and has been referred to in the feminine by Alaskans for years. Caitlyn is an Athabascan word that means, “the highest mountain without a peak.” Continue Reading

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Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (2/2)

Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (2/2)

Last time:

Ok, so we’ve had the first Black President and the final Democratic President in one go. But our nation has never really had a final Republican President, maybe that’s what we’re missing?

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

How long do people have to wait? I’m not ashamed to say this is my idea…

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

Still, you don’t have to have an electric deckchair in your back garden, a taste for shooting innovative cinematic productions, or indeed a love of gunning the hell out of noisy ducks and whiny foxes and…

(No, wait, that’s my buddy Ted)…

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

No, I mean you don’t need a pretty damn robust Heath Ledger jacket, to know there’s something wrong in this country…

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

Something wrong in my country, when Obama is supposed to be the last ever electable Democrat, but our GOP candidates are not even allowed to celebrate our final ever Republican Presidency!

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

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Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (1/2)

Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (1/2)

Although Rick Perry is not currently in power, some maliciously devious Vast Left-Wing Conspirators™ have unearthed a scandalous document which (they claim) could put paid to Rick Perry’s hopes of running for President.

The text in question threatens to derail not only Perry’s political career, but in addition, promises to ruin any hope of a legendary US President being elected in 2016…

Insofar as these two are possibilities are actually mutually distinguishable, of course.

It looks like the other main GOP candidates are turning on Rick Perry, and attempting to smear and discredit him. Talk about about a Vast Beltway-Mainstream Conspiracy™, huh?! Continue Reading

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9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 12 ‘The New Capitol’

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 12 ‘The New Capitol’

9/12/2001 – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED – Part 12 – The New Capitol

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country.

He begins immediately to make changes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Trumpenstein Horror Now Threatens Republicans

Trumpenstein Horror Now Threatens Republicans

A Rathskeller deep in the forested woods. Night has drawn its blackest curtain across the outer world, blocking out even the niggardly light from the stars.

Rain hammers against the windows and lightning cackles in the air.

A troupe of men with faces that seek the shadows meet in a corner booth away from the gazes of the other inn patrons.

They speak in cautious whispers that they wish no other ears to intrude upon: Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Fundamentalist Anti-Welfare: the “True Individualist” Position?! (2/2)

Fundamentalist Anti-Welfare: the “True Individualist” Position?! (2/2)

Just to forestall any snap objections, I am not suggesting that “the government” or “the state” is the automatic go-to for all conflicts of interest. Continue Reading

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Fundamentalist Anti-Welfare: the “True Individualist” Position?! (1/2)

Fundamentalist Anti-Welfare: the “True Individualist” Position?! (1/2)

Maybe it’s time the individuals saved ourselves from the individualists.

Or more precisely, from those who speak in the name of all individualists; as though there could only be one model of individualism; a vulgar-Randian one. Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary, Society0 Comments

Iowa State Fair Exhibits True Nature Of Politics by Having Presidential Candidates Penned up.

Iowa State Fair Exhibits True Nature Of Politics by Having Presidential Candidates Penned up.

This year’s crop of Presidential weeds….. er… candidates made their appearance this week at the traditional show case starting gate for the quad yearly election- the Iowa State Fair. This time in a stock pen.

All the hopefuls vying for the so-called honor of being chosen the Commander in Chief of the entire United States were herded into a fenced off pen in one of the livestock barns and put on display. Continue Reading

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9/12/2001- The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 11

9/12/2001- The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 11

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
Part 11

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

McGurty announced himself to Cheney’s secretary through the intercom. He was immediately entered in, an entitlement usually reserved only for high ranking political and military officials and oilmen.

“So, what have you got for me? “ Cheney asked his slightly timid assistant.
“We can get Rumsfeld in, sir. Bolton would be a much tougher goal.”
“Good, good!’ said Cheney pleasedly. “Let’s get the ball rolling on that then.”
“Is Mr. Rumsfeld aware of the situation, sir?”
“No, but he will be very shortly, McGurty. I wanted to make sure it was feasible first. Thanks for working on that.”
“My pleasure, sir!”
He exited.

It was a meeting with the real big boys that ran things. The head honchos. The Man in plurality.

Still they all sat patiently in their lavishly comfortable chairs wearing suits just like so many other men across the world, only far better crafted. They are expectant, but unsure. Cheney was animated, excited. His eyes glowed with an intensity radiating from them.

“Gentlemen, as you can probably already imagine, we have made a decision for war. We are going after those who are responsible for the 911 tragedy.”
Bravos sounded around the table.

“This is grim news for us as a nation, but we should also rejoice for we at last are seeking blood from those who dealt us the deal.” Enthusiastic hand claps erupted.

“It is been a cloud hanging over us for a long time, now, but now we have the chance to experience its good potential. The promise of a silver lining holds especially true for we gentlemen in this room.” He unveils a map of the Mideast on the easel board set up before them. “We have already begun our buildup for a campaign against our hidden enemies. Our researchers in the CIA and FBI have led us to the lair of our cowardly foes. And that lair is in…” he points to the map with his pointer, “Iraq.” He points to the nation which is suddenly highlighted on the map and grows in proportion to be dominant. “This is our enemy. It is believed that Osama bin Laden is hiding out in its midst, probably in a remote desert area. In two days from now we will be hitting them with everything we got. They will experience a shock and awe that they will never forget.”

“Iraq? Aren’t they finding that the Arabs flying the planes into New York were Saudi’s?”

“Yes, indeed. But who was their motivator? Bin Laden. And where is he?’ He points to the map.

“We have to make sure we go after the cats and not the kittens. We will hit Iraq so hard they will be whirling like dervishes for weeks.”

Cheney paused a moment, then added with an expressible smirk upon his face, “And that is where the silver lining is. Gentlemen, the benefit of raining fire back upon our enemies is that once they are vanquished along with that despot who runs the place, we will have control over the world’s third largest oil producing country.”

A few oohs issued out. Others gloated upon an inner knowledge of it that they had already surmised.

The man from Shell Oil spoke up. “Who would be the beneficiaries of this situation?”

“Oh, we would! To the victors go the spoils. And those spoils would be around two million barrels of oil a day. And who is the ‘we’? Those of us who hold the reins!”

A couple wolf’s whistles sounded from around the room. “Are you sure these Iraqis ragheads aren’t going to hold on to them?”

Cheney’s expression got darker and more suggestive. “We will make sure they won’t!” the smirk appearing upon the corner of his mouth again. “We can’t have a bunch of Medieval beggars getting in the way of our profits!”

There was a pause at this, then a healthy round of ‘Bravos!’ and false ‘Hurrahs” resounded around the room accompanied by a tinny form of applause.

Pleased with the response to his speech, Cheney went into a back room and sat heavily down upon a chair. He covered his eyes with a towel and leaned back.

His aide McGurty entered the room, easing the door behind him.

“It sounds like you impressed them, sir.”

“Yes, that I believe I did.” stated Cheney from beneath the towel.
“It sounds like they are with you on it.”
“I certainly hope so.”
“So the next step is war?”
“Yes it is.”
“So we have any alternatives?”

Cheney whipped the towel off his face and sat bolt upright, pointing a finger at McGurty.

“No, Mr. McGurty, here is the way it is now. These religious nuts in the Mideast have proved that they can now get to us if they want to. And believe me, they want to. They have finally wised up to the fact that although we’ll let them have as much money as they need have to run their puppet kingdoms and get so much rich food and golden crap as they want, but we won’t let them have the reins to the whole deal. Even when they nationalized the oil companies, they were still dependent on our engineers to run the show. And on us to buy the stuff and to run the companies that pulled it out of the ground. Now they want the whole schmeil. They are not going to get it. We have the chance now to get a permanent slice of the oil pie. We get rid of this ape Hussein and Iraq will be ours. That will alone cover 60% of our energy needs. We will no longer have to go begging to every Mideastern despot who makes it to the top of the pile when we need our oil.”

“Once we have Iraq under our control, we can fortify it and make it our base in the Mideast. We will no longer have to rely on Israel being our eye over there. From a strong base in Iraq we can launch an offensive against any problem anywhere from Somalia to the Crimean to Kazakhstan to Bangladesh. We won’t have any more incidents like Iran taking over our embassy and holding hostages that happened under weak-kneed liberal leadership.”

“I don’t think the Iraqis will take lightly to us taking over their country. A poor and backwards as they may be, they are a proud and fierce people.”

Cheney, again sporting that evil smirk that come so much more frequently to his face now that he was President, leaned into the man and stared directly into his face. “Mr., if we can’t make this bunch of modern day nomads eat their own sand then we need to take our entire military and sell it to the Chinese. Were it not for all the UN bans on using nuclear weapons we could have them on their knees in two days.”

McGurty winced at this. “You mean you would seriously use a nuclear weapon?”

Cheney grimaced something that remotely resembled a smile. “Oh, you bet I would. If it would clean up this mess and get those Arabs back in line, then you bet I would.”

McGurty shivered at the man’s coldness. As he left he was relieved when the Presidents door fell shut behind him cutting him off from that other world that seemed embraced by darkness.

TO BE CONTINUED
– – – – – – – – – –

The complete book of 9/12/2001 is available from lulu.com under that exact title for $9.00 plus shipping.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (2/2)

Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (2/2)

Last time, I explained to you how a conciliatory Newt Gingrich™ attempted to liberate America from a very clear and present danger.

That’s right: the mortal peril of bigoted mudslingers holding firmly and dogmatically to merely one-sided and partisan views on the Islamic State.

I quoted Gingrich’s framing of one half of the dilemma: the pro-ISIS story. Because as we all know Newt Gingrich and John Kerry all know, there are always two sides to every story… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (1/2)

Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (1/2)

Bill Clinton has stuck his stiff neck above the parapet and wantonly defamed Newt Gingrich for his ISIS apologism.

Don’t vote for this cynical, Mafiaesque “contract-killing” bastard, if he ever runs for office.

Yeah, vote for someone really good, like… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Jeb Bush Blunder on Immigration and Reconciliation

Jeb Bush Blunder on Immigration and Reconciliation

Jeb Bush’s attempts to speak up louder than those who to some limited extent do have a voice (regarding immigration) have suffered a serious blow.

At a recent dialogue conference about how to make the GOP more inclusive, an immigration activist, Penelope D Solanas, told Bush and other figures in attendance the story of her life as an irregular migrant.

After recounting some of her difficulties over the course of some years and decades, Penelope concluded:

So, this is my life. And many have similar stories. This is how we live!

A reporter then asked Bush how he felt about Penelope’s story. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Hey Kids! Make Your Own ‘Trump for President ‘ Bumper Stickers!

Hey Kids! Make Your Own ‘Trump for President ‘ Bumper Stickers!

Hey Kids! Have Some Fun Cutting Out These ‘Trump For President’ Bumper Stickers!!!

Here is what you need for a little summer fun! Just print off these patriotic bumper stickers, snitch a pair of scissors and some glue from your mom when she isn’t looking and have a blast pasting them all over cars in your neighborhood!

What better way to spend a summer day!

What better way to experience juvenile detention at an early age!

Think of all the no-fun you’ll have!


CHUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!
(NO, IT IS SPELLED RIGHT)

PAID FOR BY DEMOCRATS MESSING WITH THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY.


MAKE LIFE BETTER FOR
THE 1%!
VOTE TRUMP!!!!!!!!!


BRING WORLD WAR III IN
WITH A BANG!!!!!!!
TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!


VOTE DONALD TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!

Keep the political satirists and cartoonists
employed for the next four years!


MAKE AMERICA SAFE FOR THE OLIGARCHY!
MAKE TRUMP THE MAN!!!!!!


PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT IN THE U.S.
ANYONE THROUGH SHEER ARROGANCE
AND AGGRESSIVENESS CAN BECOME PRESIDENT

VOTE TRUMP!!!

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Outrageous UK Scandal: Channel 5 Doesn’t Plumb New Depths

Outrageous UK Scandal: Channel 5 Doesn’t Plumb New Depths

Not long ago, Channel 5 pulled its most outrageous publicity stunt yet.

For a single 24-hour period, the Channel refused to show any horrendous reality TV shows…

Nor any freaky scare stories on pig liposuction/experimental bollock transplants/bowel surgeons with overactive fingers/amateur self-castration gone wrong…

Nor indeed any more (purportedly) amusing anecdotes about vicious Albanian axe-murderers, sneaky Hungarian cider thieves and dastardly Romanian street-Ponzi warriors. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Television0 Comments

Presidential Hopeful Rand Paul Says Terrorists Have Better Music

Presidential Hopeful Rand Paul Says Terrorists Have Better Music

Cleveland Ohio – On August 6th the presidential hopefuls for the Republican party gathered in attempts to remind people that Donald Trump is not a real candidate.

Among the cocks in the cluster fuck were Governor Chris “Bridge-y McHugs” Christie and Rand Paul, a poodle fur ‘merkin enthusiast. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

Theresa May: ‘Win the Hearts of Moderate Homosexual Community’

Theresa May: ‘Win the Hearts of Moderate Homosexual Community’

Apparently, because Theresa May is from the Conservative Party, she has the dispiriting responsibility of reluctantly assimilating individuals in a rather more blunt and crude way than Labour or Lib Dems.

So she has sworn to “engage with the moderate homosexual community,” in order to ensure that gay people do not cause any more “chaos, subversion and aesthetic terrorism.”

As a Conservative, I have no problem acknowledging that the gay community is a very legitimate one, which actually does have a right to exist, to pay taxes, and not have an illegitimate suspension of habeas corpus inflicted on them. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

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