Category: Top Stories
Are These Poems Strange? People Have Named Them ‘Haikus.’ What? Oh, Gesundheit!
Are these poems strange? People have named them Haiku’s. What? Oh, Gesundheit! Obama make peace, Progress with Cuba, Iran. Now will Hulk Trump smash. Immigrants sneak in, quickly come over border. Texas sink from weight. Heat wave hit cities, But…
Voters to Presidential Candidates: “Get Back to Work… You’re a Year Early!”
Everywhere, USA- Fresh of the heels of the first round of debates among Democratic Presidential hopefuls, and the “official” launch of President Donald Trumps re-election campaign, it appears the 2020 Presidential Campaign is in full swing. On the Democratic side,…
Senate Republicans Blame Dems for Failed Budget Negotiations with White House
Washington, DC- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) lashed out at Senate Democrats today, after his fellow Republicans failed to reach an agreement on a long term military funding bill with White House negotiators, resulting in a reported physical altercation…
Hot Off The Press… Oops, Census Citizenship Question Remains!
Washington, DC- Fresh off a Supreme Court ruling which temporarily banned a citizenship question from appearing on the 2020 Census, U.S. Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross confirmed to members of the media on Tuesday that the government printing presses had…
SPACE PIRATE PUTIN Dumps Nuclear Treaty with America… Trump Buzzing, Whole World Fuzzing!
Moscow, RU- On Wednesday, rugged Russian President and self-styled hyper-masculine space pirate Vladimir Putin signed a bill that officially withdrew Russia from the 1987 Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty (IRNFoT); bringing to an end, the end of the Cold War. It…
JEONGMAL! Stans Sigh, Bumbling “BTS Buttigieg” Sharpens His Korean
Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg revealed today that he had learned the Korean language to better enjoy the music of K-pop sensations BTS. The South Bend, Indiana, mayor attended a recent concert, part of the group’s “Love Yourself” world tour,…
RUSH LIMBAUGH BLUNDER! “Drinking Toilet Water a Step Up For Migrants… & it Tastes Great!
Palm Beach, FL- Conservative firebrand and longtime hate addict, Rush Limbaugh, managed to get the attention of non-right wing extremists on Tuesday, when he made a series of potentially racist comments regarding a congress woman, and detainees housed at a…
HHS Offers APOCALYPTIC Warning… John Bolton’s Opioids About to Wear Off!
The end of the world is nigh, and there’s nothing you can do about it! The Antichrist is among us, and we’ve not got much time… How so? Well, read on to find out more! Pretty sure the mainstream media…
Iran to US: “Thanks for the New Drone Tech!”
Washington, DC- On Thursday evening, moments before he was to order an air strike against Iran, President Donald Trump received a letter of thanks from the President of Iran, Hassan Rouhani, for sharing the latest in American drone technology, after…
More Fucking LIES: President Denies His Re-Election Campaign Started in 2017!!!
Orlando, FL- The script read almost exactly the same… minus the “rapists.” The expired, irrelevant chants of “Lock her up,” rang out from the frenzied mob, blissfully unconcerned by the absolute silliness of the scene. They had waited for days…
Millennial Children Demand Parents Pay for Relocation As Tensions In the Gulf Grow
Salem, OR- As tensions between the United States and Iran continue to flare after the latest attack on an American drone, more and more millennial children are demanding that Mom and Dad pay to send them away before war is…
Mnuchin Passes on Tubman, Offers Trump as Compromise for New $20
Washington, DC- On Thursday, Secretary of the Treasury, Steven Mnuchin, announced he had scrapped plans to release an updated $20 bill featuring the likeness of famed American abolitionist Harriet Tubman, sighting security issues with the design. The new bill had…
WTF?! Trump Fox & “Fiends” Interview Goes Off the Rails on a Crazy Train!
Washington, DC- On Friday, during a wild interview with Fox and Fiends host Ainsley Earhardt, President Donald Trump openly challenged House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to begin Articles of Impeachment, repeatedly challenged the House Speaker’s “manhood,” discussed the Art of the…
FRIENDZONED! Loser Gove Homeless After Anti-Elitist ‘Business Experts’ Rant!
Unlawful north of the M1 Michael Howard hiss-a-like and non-porcine-coke-snorting metrosexual career shitstirrer Michael Gove has just had his hopes of a stellar career at the very pinnacle of the UK political class cruelly dashed, after yet another ill-advised rant…
T-Rex & Me: & a Naughty Missile Conspiracy in Iran!
NOTE FROM WALLACE: Glossy News (pop us a like here!) has been buzzing over the whole controversial missile attack that widely loathed ‘old school conservatives’ (neocon warmongers) Mike “Manky Mike” Pompeo and John “Armchair Johnny” Bolton are conveniently attributing to…
Dark Nigel Rises: A One Act Play About the Bane of Brexit!
FARAGE: Behind you stands a symbol of oppression. The House of Commons, where millions of citizens have languished under the name of this woman: Theresa May: who has been held up to you as the shining example of patriotism! You…
John Bolton Infallibly PROVES Iranian Tanker Conspiracy Theory!
Foamy-mouthed neoconservative intellectual and MIC-beloved establishment conspiracy theory John Bolton has come out fighting against allegations that the Iran ‘smoking gun’ is just another Blair-stylee WMD fraud! Now, let’s remember the Maine thing we all have to remember… He begins….
Why Is Everyone Talking About Forex Trading?
Forex trading is by no means a recent phenomenon. Long before digital nomads and virtual freelancing were mainstream concepts for making a living, forex trading gently bubbled away as a viable way to break out of the nine to five…
With The New Iranian Snafu Now Would Be A Good Time To ‘Remember The Maine.’ And A Few Other Things!
Well, it looks like we are going to get ourselves into another Mid East snafu. Bolton wants to go manu-a-manu with Iran (as long as someone else does the actual fighting. He is in competition with Trump for the most…
Bieber and Cruise to meet in the UFC?
Yep, you did read that right; Justin Bieber wants to fight Tom Cruise in the UFC. In what has to go down as one of the more surprising headlines to have come out of the first half of 2019, Canadian…
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