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Sony Counter-Hacks North Korea: All 23 Computers Go Dark

Sony Counter-Hacks North Korea: All 23 Computers Go Dark

On December 21st the entire Internet in North Korea was shut down by a major cyber attack. (Note- a major cyber attack in the Communist state would be the equivalent of accidentally pulling out your plug on an old Commodore computer in any other country, say Peru). Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Talky Pictures0 Comments

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb <del>Confirms</del> Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (2)

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb Confirms Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (2)

Here’s the rest of The End of History.

I’m so excited to proclaim this, I nearly expected the ceiling of my office to cave in.

…Not the glass ceiling, of course.

For, just like the 100%-Anti-State-Patronage-And-Condescension-Dems, Republicans don’t have a problem with women.

AS SUCH. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Free Speech Freaks Given New Hope in Ribbing North Korea

Free Speech Freaks Given New Hope in Ribbing North Korea

Prominent, but still sub-viral site GlossyNews.com has launched a Go Fund Me campaign to create a free-to-dowload video criticizing the regime.

The goal is to create a wicked, biting satirical film criticizing the totalitarian dynastic regime in North Korea.

The film would feature paid actors, paid crew and a tight production schedule. Continue Reading

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Posted in Talky Pictures, World News0 Comments

North Korea Bankrupt After Costs from Sony Hack

North Korea Bankrupt After Costs from Sony Hack

North Korea has gone bankrupt from its massive hacking assault on Sony Pictures.

The intrusion into the depths of Sony’s Corporation was ignited by their new film ‘The Interview’ which features two bumbling tabloid newsmen who are given the mission of assassinating North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un.

This indiscretion infuriated the real Jong Un who immediately funneled the entire countries anemic economy into the hacking barrage that exposed many of Sony’s secret files including high level employee wages (which shocked Jong Un in that one executive’s salary alone equals the entire gross national product of North Korea for a year), insulting emails about famous stars (which also encindered the Prez as some were about his secret fantasy love Jennifer Aniston), and photos of Seth Rogen in his underwear (which the Exalted One kept for his private collection). Continue Reading

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Posted in Talky Pictures, War Zone0 Comments

Kim Jong-un: Bring Back Breadsticks Or Die!

Kim Jong-un: Bring Back Breadsticks Or Die!

Washington, D.C. – Just when you thought the United States was safe again following the announcement that Sony Pictures had pulled the controversial movie, The Interview, from theatres, a new threat arrived from North Korean Leader, Kim Jong-un, early Friday morning.

In a short memo to President Obama, Kim Jong-un stated he was pleased the movie will not play in theatres, but was morbidly infuriated to learn that his favorite restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, is extinct and is no longer serving the fresh-baked breadsticks he enjoyed during his last visit. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News3 Comments

Is Cuba the Next Ping Pong Frontier?

Is Cuba the Next Ping Pong Frontier?

As America’s relations with Cuba are bettered in the near future, many professional sports leagues are excited to pounce on the athletic talent in the small country.

Major League Baseball teams are searching for the new Yasiel Puig or Aroldis Chapman to ignite their teams’ fortunes.

Along with baseball, Cuba is known to possess a plethora of skills in the game of ping pong. United States Table Tennis Federation (USTTF) spokesman Louis Rice is optimistic that there is a lot of “untapped potential” on the island.

The sport is adored by the country’s people, with tables popping up all over the country in recent years.

“They [Cubans] really have the best athletic build and mindset for the rigors of table tennis. I know of many proficient players that are already playing in their semi-pro leagues. We will also set up some camps to train the youth and then get them into our farm systems Rice.”

During the embargo on Cuba, many of the country’s best players had to escape the country illegally to another Latin American country before finally making it to America.

The new lack of risk is sure to encourage the Cubans to immigrate to the U.S. and it’s high-paying league.

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Posted in Sports, World News0 Comments

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb <del>Confirms</del> Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (1)

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb Confirms Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (1)

“If at first you don’t succeed, try again.”

Radical-Left-Wing-Ideologues™ Zizek/Beckett agree:

“Try again, fail again, fail better.”

Yes, FoxCon(n) FoxNews, I mean ACTUAL far-left-ideologues…

As distinguished from, say, Newt Gingrich/Ed Miliband/Pope Francis.

Still, Lefties-Gonna-Left, but Our Jeb… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone3 Comments

4 out of 5 Republicans in Anonymous Survey Admit Liking Dick

4 out of 5 Republicans in Anonymous Survey Admit Liking Dick

Support for Dick Cheney and former President George Bush to be prosecuted for torture appear to have fallen faster than an erection in Hillary Clinton’s presence according to inside sources.

Hard numbers from a recent survey revealed that most Republicans still support Dick Cheney as Vice-President, while Barack Obama’s poll numbers have apparently gone flaccid.

In fact, Cheney’s approval numbers continue to remain rock solid despite a spat of spectacular sex scandals that rocked the GOP a decade ago. Nostalgia surrounds Republican Senator Larry Craig’s 2007 arrest in a men’s airport bathroom.

While potentially incriminating on the surface, the Idaho Senator offered a turgid alibi for his behavior, which apparently wasn’t fear of flying.

For those who have slept since then, Craig denied that tapping his right foot, blocking the stall door with his luggage and grabbing the undercover officer’s leg was a signal to engage in lewd behavior.

Craig suggested that he was merely asking for “toilet paper”.

Later providing the arresting officer with a business card that identified him as a senator, Craig does admit that telling the officer, “Excuse me while I whip this out,” may have been a little too suggestive in a men’s room setting. But he refused to apologize for expressing his fondness for Dick.

“Dick made me what I am today,” he allegedly said just before being arrested.

Senator Craig’s encounter was only one in a daisy-chain of events placing prominent Republicans in the dim spot-light of public toilets.

Also in 2007 Florida Republican Bob Allen, a champion of anti-gay legislation and notorious Dick lover, was accused of offering sex to a black, undercover officer in a park restroom because he didn’t “trust him”.

To his credit, at least he didn’t try and shoot him. As if that excuse and $20 isn’t bizarre enough, Allen also sponsored a bill to crack down on soliciting sex in public parks.

If you read between the lines, it’s apparent that Allen is an advocate of just giving it away, rendering the need to solicit a moot point. As for the $20, that apparently was for “stimulating the local economy”.

OK, most people use “Johnson” instead of “local economy” as a euphemism but we can’t really criticize him for that.

When you add other prominent Republicans like Representative Mark Foley and evangelical Ted Haggard to the strange brew of fallen, staunchly anti-gay politicians, you discover the one thing they all have in common: they all like Dick.

Sure, Cheney probably appreciates the support and a variation on the old “I Like Ike” buttons might garner special interest attention. But without the comic genius of Karl Rove, it’s going to be tough to parlay the virtual transformation of the GOP into the “Gay Old Party”.

Only Rove could exploit the biggest piece of political parody since Dave Chappelle portrayed a blind Klan leader who didn’t know he was black.

Of course, some Democrats have demonstrated willingness to reach around…I mean across the aisle and meet the GOP halfway on many issues, especially when it comes to Dick. Dick Cheney has the heart of a Hoover Vacuum cleaner and brings people from many diverse backgrounds together to pound out the tough issues.

For instance, in 2010 Democrat New York Congressman Eric Massa abruptly resigned after only 14 months on the job amid allegations that he sexually harassed an underpaid staff member at a house Massa shared with four other staffers. Using the excuse it was simply a “tickle fight” the embattled Democrat found it unpopular at the time to admit his love of Dick.

Placed in this context, it is absolutely amazing the GOP has survived intact and re-taken both Houses while maintaining the illusion of moral authority. As long as Ted Cruz doesn’t get a Boehner around Rand Paul, it’s likely they’ll continue to hold the high ground on the down low.

“There are only two ways to fix this satirical situation,” snickered, Bill Clinton’s former political strategist James Carville. “Hand jobs to your critics and keep the jerks off the news.”

Clinton himself could not be reached for comment as he was reportedly, “Reorganizing his collection of chubby-chaser jokes from the mid 90’s.” Meanwhile even Hillary reluctantly admitted, “I like Dick ever now and then!”

Most would have sworn she was partial to Bush.

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories3 Comments

Philae Lander Voted “Bouncy House Of The Year”

Philae Lander Voted “Bouncy House Of The Year”

Physics Today, the flagship journal of the American Institute of Physics, has announced the ESA Philae lander is the first winner in a new category in their annual awards for breakthroughs in physics, “Bouncy House Of The Year”.

“This year saw many breakthroughs, but the one that stood out from all the rest was the ESA’s repeated and successful bouncing of their 2 billion dollar lander on the comet 67P, lodging it on it’s side under a cliff, and rendering the lander useless and impotent to science” said AIP President Justin Fundworthy.

“By bouncing the lander several times yet remaining on the surface, the Rosetta and Philae team have proven when future human comet colonist rent a bouncy house for their childrens birthday parties, the bouncy house will not fly off into space” said Harry Johnson, editor of PhysicsWorld.com.

“It’s been an exciting year for physics, we commend the work of the nine runners-up but it’s hard to beat a good bouncy house GIF” said Dr. Johnson.

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Science, Science & Technologizzy, Technology, Top Stories1 Comment

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Who’s Gonna Fill The Blank?

Nick Griffin: UK. Former British National Party, Goosestepping Eagle-Polisher.

Pros:

1. Impeccable far left credentials:

Economic centralism. Top-down, statist, collectivist, elitist/populist, authoritarian, general chauvinist. Perfect fit for the Trot SWP/Spartacists, let alone Labour.
Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics4 Comments

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Thought there were no convincing(-ish) short notice candidates to replace Ed Milliband when the last-minute coup occurs?

You were wrong!

Or rather…

Subjected-By-Petty-Bourgeois-Ideology-To-The-Mystifications-Of-Late-Capitalist-False-Consciousness™.

(Huh? Anyone? Nah… me neither). Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics14 Comments

Certain ‘Forces’ Send In THE CHENEY To Take Care Of Lame Duck Government.

Certain ‘Forces’ Send In THE CHENEY To Take Care Of Lame Duck Government.

Eager to take over the U.S. government as swiftly as possible after winning major seats in the Senate and Legislature, ‘certain forces’ within our system have called on a specialist to rid the organization of its ‘lame duck’ elements.

Operating in secrecy, these individuals called in their ace in the sleeve for when things need to get messy- THE CHENEY. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People4 Comments

President Replaces Hand Shake w/ Fist Bump

President Replaces Hand Shake w/ Fist Bump

Washington D.C.-When President Barack Obama meets with leaders of foreign nations, he will now use a fist bump as a greeting, that according to a White House Press Release.

Reporters asked the President to elaborate during a round of golf early this afternoon. “I have seen Putin leave the restroom without washing his hands. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Society0 Comments

Groundbreaking U(KIP)-Turn: Kippers Start Actually Hating Foreigners

Groundbreaking U(KIP)-Turn: Kippers Start Actually Hating Foreigners

Nigel Farage is concerned that his Edgy-Rhetorical-Hobby-Club is hemorrhaging voters.

So His-Most-Exalted-Joe-Blogginess has come up with a plan to stop the rot (if not the moral decay) within his Circle-Jerk-Pet-Peeve-Party:

It seems for some wholly (in-)explicable reason, everybody thinks we are actually racist.

Instead of merely PRETENDING to be racist.

You know, solely in order to get elected… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

BLACK FRIDAY – The Evil American Plot To Destroy Britain Is A Success!

BLACK FRIDAY – The Evil American Plot To Destroy Britain Is A Success!

Friday, November 28th 2014 will reign as a black day in British history, black not only for the dark deeds done on that day but also for the foul American import that caused them- BLACK FRIDAY!

Long accustomed to importing all new things American, England has finally introduced an epidemic that is proving to be every bit as bad as when the Black Plague was brought in by ships in the 1500’s. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, World News0 Comments

William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime

William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime

William Hague may no longer be (Anti)Foreign(er) Minister and Vice-Viceroy of the British Humanitarian Empire™…

Nor indeed, a key business strategist for IntCom Imperialist Enterprises™…

Still, he has maintained his healthy, thoroughly admirable, and perfectly laudable interest of all…

To wit, defending those who are oppressed™ and speaking up for those who don’t have a voice™…

As well as, needless to say, clarifying the vexed question of the objective interests of certain “benighted Third World savages…”

They who, if they DO have a voice, should just shut-the-f***-up and take the enema. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

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