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Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 2)

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 2)

1 And just as [they] seek to divide humanity in hate, so we have to unify it around an idea.

2. When he decides, he divides.

3. In the life of nations, what in the last resort decides questions is a kind of Judgment Court of God.

4. If freedom is short of weapons, we must compensate with willpower.

5. That’s the art of leadership. To make sure that what shouldn’t happen, doesn’t happen. Continue Reading

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Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 1)

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 1)

1 I feel the hand of history upon our shoulders.

2 I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker.

3 This is a sort of free democratic spirit that operates outside the convention of democracy that elections decide the government.

4 Democracy will in practice lead to the destruction of a people’s true values.

5 Today’s media, more than ever before, hunts in a pack. In these modes it is like a feral beast, just tearing people and reputations to bits. Continue Reading

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MRA Becomes Militant Dawah Activist

MRA Becomes Militant Dawah Activist

This is a new, previously unseen story, which I am publishing here in order to celebrate the release of The Great Flâneur Massacre. The latter satirical novella is being re-released on Amazon as part of The Great  Flâneur Narrative on May 31!

***

Rob Schiller, the whingeing tenure-cadging graduate of Wallace Runnymede’s The Great Flaneur Narrative, has started to intellectualize in a rather disturbing manner.

Indeed. Disappointed at the fact that no-one has given him a post at a university, this achingly under-appreciated lad with a crushing sense of entitlement has combined his hipster ethos with a sprinkling of jihadist rhetoric.

Schiller was already hostile to feminism, which latter he has always regarded as a maliciously counterfeit social justice movement designed purely to rob hard-working young white straight males of their rightful vocational entitlements.

So, the step to becoming a misogynist jihadist wasn’t too difficult for him to make. But what does the UK’s latest hipster jihadist actually think about the world he lives in?

Schiller wails:

Islam was so very, very wonderful better in the old days before it went electric. Technology is merely a tool of Satan & corrupt & decadent music bosses, and that makes me so, so sad! ;(

I am just SICK of people only listening to the parts of the Quran that talk about peace & love. There’s much better stuff out there…

Still, it’s too much to expect the likes of you probably wouldn’t understand that! You people really hurt my feelings so, so much! ;(

I remember when Islam was really EDGYYY, but after the first few Caliphs they sold out! I am just so oppressed… ;(

I knew the Prophet’s teachings before they went MAINSTREEEAAAM! But nowadays, I am just REALLY, REALLY TIRED of all these Hanafis, Malikis & Shias jumping on the bandwagon! It just makes me want to cry ;(

However, after being waterboarded, getting a few good hard knocks on the good old Salafi-salami, and finally getting let out with a fashionable magnetic wristband, on condition of good behaviour, Rob has finally changed his tune.

 You know, I really used to love making hipster jokes before it went MAAAIIINSTREEEAAAM. But now everyone’s doing it, I don’t feel the same overweening pride in my edgy wit! ;((((((

Even so, Rob is now just as much a pariah as he ever was. From former MRA moderate male misogynist to former moderate political Islamist jihadist… now isn’t he a charming lad!

Still, having said that, he isn’t a REAAALLY, REAAALLY NICE GUY! But then, in fairness, most MRAs & jihadists aren’t.

That’s probably why, by now, most Muslims and most men just won’t have anything to do with him.

Nor indeed will pretty much anyone, really!

Well, perhaps there’s a lesson in there somewhere…

***

Watch out for an update tomorrow on The Great Flaneur Narrative! 

***

Article abridged from:

http://satirecatastrophes.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/this-is-new-previously-unseen-story.html

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Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

AMSTERDAM – According to secret terms of the TTIP treaty, recently leaked by Greenpeace Netherlands, the U.S. must finally be allowed to enter the Eurovision Song Contest.

“Excluding the U.S. from the Eurovision Song Contest is a clear violation of free trade,” said U.S. trade negotiator Mickey Cant. “Europe could use a little bit more American know-how when it comes to pop music. We are tired of being unjustly excluded.”

Additional leaked documents show that the European negotiators were “horrified” at the prospect of American pop bands entering the beloved Song Contest, with one French negotiator protesting that “American pop is even lower than kitsch and unworthy of Eurovision.”

Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Radical Marxist Ideologue IDS Threatens to Smash the ‘Bourgeois Treasury’

Radical Marxist Ideologue IDS Threatens to Smash the ‘Bourgeois Treasury’

Radical moderate-political-Tory-ist and overgrown Trotskyite hooligan Iain Duncan Smith has finally rediscovered his radical roots. Frustrated with the petit-bourgeois false consciousness of the ideologically conditioned intellectuals (i.e. recent graduates!) in the civil service, he has threatened to smash, uh, ‘break up’ the Treasury.
ITS (Irritable Tankie Syndrome) now rants:

The Treasury is full of recent university graduates who are not ‘Red,’ but merely expert! They are utterly lacking in vision, and apply a mere mainstream establishment bourgeois liberal mindset to the grand schemes I have always dreamed of putting into practice! We must smash the Treasury and destroy every last vestige of evil bourgeois ideology in our country!

Note: If you think this is satire, you may just be disappointed. Read the account given in The Guardian, which is almost identical with this!
http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/may/12/break-up-the-treasury-says-iain-duncan-smith
What do you think ITS should do? Put your answer below… or at least be so good as to furnish some rather more radical far-leftie scientific insights than the tedious mainstream establishment claptrap I have posted here for one’s perusal!

Send in the tanks
Call in the Bullingdon Club
Inform the Piers Gaviston Society
Cry down the phone to Angela Merkel
Stamp my feet until I am sick
Stamp my feet until I am sick and I no longer have any money to feed myself, which would probably be some pretty hot-damn sweet fuckin’ karma TBH
All o’ t’ above, like

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Small Town Crime

Small Town Crime

I’ve lived in major metro areas my entire life – Albany, NY, Columbus, Miami, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and most recently, Seattle. They all had one disturbing characteristic in common – high levels of crime. Every year, it seems, the rates of homicides, drug-related incidents, home break-ins, road rage, and jaywalking go up. I hate to admit it, but even I eventually succumbed to my base criminal instincts. Last summer, I paid for three hours of parking in downtown Seattle, but left my car in the spot for three hours and 12 minutes. I know I should have turned myself in. It’s something that will eat away at my conscience for the rest of my life.

So when my wife and I moved to a small, idyllic community (population ~ 15,000), I was relieved that we’d finally escaped the urban world of unbridled crime. Or had we? We now live on Camano Island, a seemingly tranquil, semi-rural community with rolling farmland, rugged beaches, and views of snow-capped mountains. But lurking underneath this deceptive façade of serenity, I’ve discovered an insidious underbelly of rampant crime.

The island’s longtime elderly residents remember nostalgically a more peaceful era, when the main activities were crab fishing and sitting. The island only had one stop light, one gas station, and almost nobody with a last name that was hard to pronounce. But now the island has four stop lights and three gas stations. Thankfully, with the exception of Lucjan and Konstantyna Chmielowski, who were born in Poland, we can still pronounce most people’s names. However, along with this community’s spiraling urbanization (recently they even opened a drive-through espresso stand, can you imagine!) has come previously unheard of levels of crime and disorderly behavior.

The following is a list of infractions reported for the month of March. (All of the following items are based on actual police reports found in the local paper, the Camano Island Hopper.)

March 4: Mail was stolen from 115 Paradise Lane. The homeowner is only asking the perpetrator to please return the Wednesday Flyer section of the paper. There was a two-for-one coupon on flank steak she had planned to use.

Small town crime - Dennis the MenaceMarch 9: Police responded to a possible domestic disturbance at 47 Tranquility Court when a resident reported hearing loud pitch screaming and shouting emanating from their next-door neighbor’s domicile. Turned out that the resident had misplaced his hearing aid and had been watching an episode of The Price Is Right at full volume.

March 13: There was a small fender bender when two vehicles collided at the intersection of Pleasant Road and Peaceful Street because one car failed to yield at a stop sign. Nobody was hurt, and the drivers exchanged insurance information over coffee at the IGA grocery store. The offending driver offered to pay for both drinks, but the other gentleman said no thanks, though he appreciated the generous offer.

March 15: An 87-year-old woman located at 11 Dandelion Place called police to report that her 16-year-old granddaughter Chelsea had run away. After a brief investigation, police were able to locate Chelsea in a tree. Chelsea, it turned out, was the woman’s 16-year-old calico cat. She does not actually have any grandchildren.

March 19: A teenager was spotted throwing a rock at a residential window at 42 Eagle’s Nest Terrace. The rock missed the window but caused a slight dent in the downspout. The homeowner is not pressing charges since the suspect was later identified as his middle child Nathan.

March 21: Police responded to an argument between a mother and her eleven-year-old son at 33 Happy Hedgehog Trail. The exact nature of the dispute was not divulged, though it reportedly had something to do with the son being told he could not watch any more TV until he finished his homework.

March 23: A resident of 219 Nothing-Ever-Happens-Here Way reported his lawn mower stolen and informed police that he suspected his neighbor with whom he’d gotten into a dispute over who should win on American Idol. He called the police the next day to report that he found it – in his backyard shed, right where he’d left it. Claiming a “senior moment,” he reluctantly decided not to press charges against his annoying neighbor.

March 26: Police checked in on a thirteen-year-old boy who had been shouting about how much he loved some girl named Natalie in his seventh grade class. He was apparently causing a disturbance to the neighbors. Upon questioning, the boy admitted to consuming his very first beer and was feeling the effects of an alcohol buzz. He later threw up and apologized to his parents. No charges were pressed.

Small town crime - RaccoonMarch 28: A female high school student walking down North Crime-Is-Unheard-Of-Around-Here Drive was approached by a suspicious-looking bearded man driving unusually slowly in what she described as “a creepy looking van” and called police. After a brief investigation, police identified the creepy man as Barney Mueller, the local Good Humor Man, just making his usual rounds.

March 30: Police responded to a call from the local IGA that two suspicious youths, aged 22 and 21, shoplifted several candy bars and a bag of Doritos. An hour later, police were unable to locate any of the candy or the Doritos, although both youths, when questioned, appeared to have suspiciously orange tongues.

See what I mean? I’m living in fear for my life here – or at least in fear for my snack food. I’ve half a mind to think about maybe eventually possibly locking my front door when we’re away for a few days. It’s gotten that bad. Please pray for my safety, won’t you?

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Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

John Kerry is a man of the world, but now his flip-flopping has soared astronomically, to the point where it’s on a genuinely cosmic scale.

Yes: no longer content with threatening the leaders of weak, divided countries in the Middle East with abject destruction, Kerry is turning his achingly dynamic turrets on a higher target:

Lord Xenu!

So, let’s see where we go with this one.

I guess, from one perspective, it’s perfectly true to say that Lord Xenu is an absolutely batshit loony idea dreamed up by a freaking wackjob-catastrophe failed cosmic Popeye wannabe with a fucking idiotic sailor’s hat that belongs on a rejected video-only episode of Ron Jeremy and His Cosmic Ass-Riggers! So why should we give a rat’s ass about what these ridiculous kooky-cluster-fuckers even think about us, anyway?

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

2020 Vision: UK Election Prediction

2020 Vision: UK Election Prediction

Time to look back at an old piece of mine, and think about whether it’s just all about ‘way back then.’

http://glossynews.com/top-stories/unamerican-world-news/201505110348/london-riots-who-are-the-real-orwellians/

In scenes mirroring the previous general election, raving hordes of self-righteous middle-class career decents have taken to the streets to protest the “Orwellian” hung parliament. Apparently the number of people who were eligible to vote, and who didn’t, is in the ten percents, at least! Continue Reading

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics0 Comments

Empire Danger! High Bombers! (Song Parody: With Apologies to Electric Six!)

Empire Danger! High Bombers! (Song Parody: With Apologies to Electric Six!)

Firebombs in Baghdad!

Fire in the Middle East!

 

Firebombs in Damascus!

Fire rages from the horny beast!

 

Don’t you want to know how to set kids on fire?

It’s my desire, I’m a Tory liar! Continue Reading

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Noël Coward Parody: Don’t Let’s Be Beastly to Jihadists

Noël Coward Parody: Don’t Let’s Be Beastly to Jihadists

Noël Coward famously sang ‘Don’t Let’s be Beastly to the Germans!’ As always, the dour and humorless were not impressed.

Yeah, Daily Mail link… I know! How things change in a few decades! Continue Reading

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Speaking Truth to Power: The Intercept is Defending Boehmermann’s Freedom with Full Consistency

Speaking Truth to Power: The Intercept is Defending Boehmermann’s Freedom with Full Consistency

In the past, I have been heavily critical of The Intercept, and of Glenn Greenwald’s stance on the Charlie Hebdo martyrs. However, I have noticed a pattern developing recently.

First of all, upon the renewal of the fatwa against Salman Rushdie (essentially a glorified hitman contract from God!), The Intercept did not blame Rushdie for ‘provoking’ his critics. I have searched and searched; and as far as I can tell, there is no victim-blaming towards Rushdie in that publication.

This doesn’t appear to be a one-off, either. More recently, The Intercept has not only taken the consistent anti-censorship stance which it, and certainly Glenn Greenwald in particular, are renowned for supporting.

No, indeed! Rather, The Intercept’ has gone further: in its recent reporting on the Boehmermann affair, the stance of The Intercept is discernibly pro-speech, and not merely anti-censorship. (When I say ‘pro-speech,’ I mean something over and above anti-censorship per se, something transcending a merely legalistic approach. For example, ‘I’m all for freedom of speech, but…’ would be a classic example of anti-censorship which is not consistently pro-speech).

Yes: consider these three excellent, pro-liberty articles from The Intercept:

https://theintercept.com/2016/04/01/german-television-pulls-satire-mocking-turkeys-erdogan/

https://theintercept.com/2016/04/15/germany-repeal-dumb-law-first-using-prosecute-comic-insulting-erdogan/

https://theintercept.com/2016/04/12/germany-charge-comic-insulting-turkeys-president/

I once assumed that The Intercept and its writers, would never manage to get much further than mere anti-censorship.

I was wrong. They are doing the right thing, and they deserve credit; including the editor, Glenn Greenwald.

There is nothing in this world that could bring me to change my own stance on Charlie Hebdo, and to be onesidedly critical of the magazine (short of a severe moral deterioration in the magazine itself!) But I am certainly warming to The Intercept right now, albeit to a very limited degree; I am not willing to be let down my guard, nor to lavish unqualified praise upon them (nor upon any media outlet). However that may be, isn’t it fairly clear to see that they are taking a strongly anti-censorship and pro-speech stance at this current time?

I will be interested to see whether, in future, The Intercept maintains this strongly pro-speech stance, or will slip back into mere anti-censorship. Let’s hope it all goes well!

 

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Youtube Gets Snarky with More Videos: ‘Sorry if You Were Offended!’ Plus Ebook Update… (2/2)

Youtube Gets Snarky with More Videos: ‘Sorry if You Were Offended!’ Plus Ebook Update… (2/2)

Finally, two more videos (unless you’ve already checked them out. If not, why not?!)

5. Newt Gingrich Makes Cute-Ass Comeback as Cuddly Economy-Saver ^______6

Wuh-HOOOOOOO! Nyyyyewt! Told ya so! Hee-heeeeeeeee!

6. The Spectator’s ‘Offensive’ Poetry Competition

***

Here is some news about my Amazon ebooks too!

Graveyard of the Pieties is now cheaper than before: it should be 99 cents, 99 pence, and the equivalent in the next 24/48 hours at the very latest!

http://www.amazon.com/Graveyard-Pieties-Snapshots-Patriarchal-Conceits-ebook/dp/B01DOQC9WS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1461443661&sr=8-1&keywords=graveyard+of+the+pieties

Oh, and one last reminder: my collection of anti-hard right, anti-UKIP stories is finally out! Hope it was worth the wait.  Poor Tarquin Binnett is always getting no-platformed, so why not show the lad some love! ^______________^#

http://www.amazon.com/Tarquin-Binnetts-Englishmans-Common-Jamboree-ebook/dp/B01E4KJA5M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1461443754&sr=8-1&keywords=tarquin+binnett

Foaming the Optics remains unchanged in price; and finally, my non-Amazon ebooks have picked up a little recently

Further Youtube & ebook reading:

http://glossynews.com/top-stories/201604161205/ebook-update-12-wallace-runnymede-satire-catastrophes/

Amazon Ebooks

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/internet/201604210604/three-more-satire-audio-podcasts-dalai-lama-evil-vatican-regime-god-versus-sideboobniks/

 

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts, Top Stories0 Comments

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Ted Cruz has recently given stuck it to the man over our trembling, weak-kneed bending over for the nefarious forces of Big Privacy.

His Most Exalted More True-Believe-ier Than Trumpness flashily remarks:

The war on surveillance is motivated purely by an ignoble politics of envy. The fact is, the guys we have monitoring your webcams have bigger dicks than you do; I think we can just take that one as given!

So if you want to squirm and slide around, or dick around (I hardly think it!), or even just go on a full-blown blazing rampage, and create some disreputable orgy of counter-conservative kiss-ass to your enemies, then be my guest! I can take it. Continue Reading

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Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Angela Merkel isn’t having such a good time right now; the not-so-Iron Chancellor’s craven capitulation to Erdogan looks like it may backfire.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/angela-merkel-s-fawning-over-erdogan-will-put-the-turkish-president-not-jan-b-hmermann-in-the-dock-a6988076.html

The article above refers to a previous precedent by the European Court of Human Rights as follows: Continue Reading

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Ebook Update 1/2: Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes

Ebook Update 1/2: Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes

My revision of #1 and #2 of Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes (I Shouldn’t Do God & Football Frikkups) are now through on all outlets! In addition, volumes #3 and #4 (I Still Shouldn’t Do God & Differently Humored) are now available too!

All four ebooks are free, and #4 is fairly timely for Autism Month, April 2016. It is disability-themed. #1 & #3 are religious satire, and #2 is football/soccer themed.

These ebooks are all available on Barnes & Noble, Apple iBooks, Kobo, Scribd, Page Foundry, Tolino, & 24 Symbols. Sadly not Amazon; but visit this very same site, Glossy News, in an hour from now; and you will see information about my recent range of Amazon ebooks!

Synopses for Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes: Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Top Stories0 Comments

Devastating Campaign Trail Interview: Hillary ‘Misspeaks’ Over Links to Wall Street

Devastating Campaign Trail Interview: Hillary ‘Misspeaks’ Over Links to Wall Street

Hillary Clinton is renowned for her talents in the highly competitive artistic fields of evasive and equivocal rhetoricmongering. How did she react recently when I grilled her about her ties to Wall Street?

Wall Street? Uh, excuse me, but we’re going to have to define our terms here. [Aside]: And by ‘we,’ I mean ‘me…’ ohhh, shit! It’s not really working this time, is it??

You know, all these big banks you are receiving money from?

Well, first of all, how do you define ‘big?’ Continue Reading

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