NEW YORK – CNN today announced its new policy of issuing trigger warnings before showing the face of President Donald Trump to viewing audiences.

“We know the mere mention of President’s Trump name or the sight of his face is enough to trigger serious emotional distress or even seizures in a large part of our viewing audience,” said Wolf Blitzer of CNN. “So we believe that this is an appropriate policy for our time. Families with children will really appreciate this warning, as the mere sight of Trump reportedly makes many babies, small infants, and millennials cry uncontrollably.”

CNN has estimated that millions of viewers have turned off CNN because of their sheer terror that Trump may appear on their screens and further traumatize them with his blunt language, harsh policies, and brutish lack of diplomatic tact.

“Just as we issue warnings before showing bloody, mangled corpses after mass murders or terrorist attacks, so we will issue warnings before showing the face of Donald J. Trump or mentioning his name.”

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The killer crown craze has finally hit Northern Ireland!

Bigtime Bozo Theresa ‘Trident Tumblebuffin May’ found the Tory Clown Car a little empty, and she needed to squeeze a few more crazy buffoons into her wacko little circus ring in London!

The Monster Raving Loony Party weren’t interested. Continue Reading

Piers Morgan is not only one of the UK’s most lovable and highly respected journalists; he has now been given an award from Alex Salmond for his sterling contributions to the Scottish Nationalist cause.

Salmond groans: Continue Reading

I’ve made a new cover, which I sincerely hope is a great improvement on the old one.

If you are producing an ebook, then you can either make your own cover, or pay someone to make one for you.

One option is Microsoft Publisher (this is more sophisticated than Microsoft Paint). Continue Reading

Dateline: MOSCOW—In an exclusive interview with Fancypants Magazine, Vladimir Putin took offense at the allegation that Donald Trump was competent enough to have colluded with the Russian government in the hacking of the American political system that helped win Trump the presidency.
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It is common knowledge that the global market of online stock trading is booming nowadaysю Numerous players enter the stage every day and offer their services at appealing rates and with interesting terms. However, first of all trading is about money, and any trading decision is inherently risky; so, which platform should you choose to minimise risks and guarantee yourself a reliable service? Here is a review of the most popular online trading platforms for you to choose from, based on the reviews of experienced brokers and professional financial analysts. Continue Reading

Theatre goer Ivor Ball has been evicted from The Old Vic Theatre in London, after his testicles started fighting during the play ‘A Shakespeare Tragedy.’

Mr. Ball 42, commented:

Regrettably, a disturbance was prompted, as a consequence of a rare medical condition I am blighted with called testicleitis. This occurs when two testicles argue their differences to the point of physical conflict.

It’s similar to rival twins in their endeavour to establish a singular identity and hierarchy.

A bicycle seat partition intervention is the only remedy to ensure the balls co-exist harmoniously, but I wasn’t allowed to take my cycle into the theatre.

THE TESTICLE INCIDENT

“To be or not to be: that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – ‘Oi! shove over fatty bollock – there’s room in the sack for two!’ (testicle one).

“Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them” – ‘shut your face shrivelled walnut bollock! Ouch! I’m entitled to half an inch of gap too!’ (testicle two).

“To die: to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache” – ‘Push off lumpy! – just because you hang higher in the ball sack, it doesn’t give you special status!’ (testicle one).

“And the thousand natural shocks, that flesh to heir to, this consummation – devoutly to be wished” – ‘Piss off baldy! I’ve got more hair! Ouch! Aaaagh!’ (testicle two).

“To sleep: perchance to dream: ay there’s the rub; for in that sleep of death” – ‘So what hairy? I produce more sperm! Ouch! Get off!’ (testicle one).

Mr. Ball has been issued with a lifetime ban from The Old Vic. His testicles were unavailable for comment.

The Democratic Unionist Party, not to be confused with the Worker’s Party of North Korea and the Taxpayers’ Alliance, have always been among the staunchest opponents of reactionary social norms and backward, superstitious obscurantism.

Well, at least when these civic abberations are coming from non-evangelical-fundamentalist sources, anyway!

But when challenged by perfidious Celtsman Andrew Neil of the BBC, DUP head establishment doorstop Darlene Whatever-the-Name-Is appeared to genuinely struggle to articulate why she considers the jihadist menace to be such a big deal.

The boisterous saffron superstar growled out:

C’mon now, lassie! You are supposed tae bee in gurnmint wi’ the Tooooouuuuuries! ‘N’ ye mean tee say ye dinneeeeevn knaw preciiiiisely warritiz aboot the jeehadeeeees ye dunt even like!

Flouncing Foster replied:

Well, to be fair tee ye, now, Andrewwwww, we just thought it was a wee bit ungodly, and all that there, now!

This comment was not well received.

Och now! Did yer ma drop ye on the head as a wean, Foster! Sure don’t the jeehadeeees clee-um tae be doin’ exactly the same thing as you folks!

A rather baffled Foster asked for further elucidation from the half-Anglified Bard o’ Bannockburn.

Spiky Andy responded:

Well, they think gay people, or as you folk call them, ‘Sodomites,’ are headin’ for the  eternal hellfire. And a weeman’s place is in the home. And people o’ ungodly accursed religions and other blasphemers shall undergo eternal punishment for their satanic wiles and blasphemies!

Immediately perking up, Foster muttered that if the DUP were open-minded enough to do a deal with Sinn Fein, they could probably stretch to a meaningful political compromise with the jihadists. After all, their religious and moral differences are fairly inconsequential compared to the vast gulf separating good godfearing Ulster Prods from the perfidious, Papish, Romish heure o’ Babylon!

I do have an civility filter, albeit an imperfectly cultivated one. But I don’t so much have a self-censorship filter.
And I look around, and I see so many other people with a public voice, and I can see that most people do indeed have such a filter. And I ask…
Why? Continue Reading

Conservative Party leader Theresa May is tired of endless harassment from voters and grubby hard-right red-top hacks (like George Osborne of the Evening Standard). So, she has decided her career in politics is no longer a worthwhile pursuit.

Notable left-wing establishment broadsheet The Guardian is known for its uniquely conservative form of liberal and social democratic politics. Continue Reading

Music festivals in the UK are not normally considered as being at the forefront of radical social activism. The days of Woodstock and anti-Vietnam protests being long gone, you’re more likely to see 21 century festival schmucks fighting over the last condom than the last polar bear.

And blowing chunks over your bedding is normally more of a problem than blowing chunks out of Iraqi orphans.

However, with various left wing and right populist eruptions occurring all over Europe and North America, it seems that music festivals are returning to their roots as a key focus of radical social critique and activism.

Right now, it seems that Glastonbury are trying to be a lot more socially conscious before.

Now in the name of celebrating diversity, the first Jihad Rock festival is about to take place soon.

A rival to the main Glastonbury festival, the Jihad Rock festival features plenty of booms and crashes, some great pyrotechnics on stage, and some superficially tough and sharp-edged 80s bears prancing around in flashy cloaks.

The Guardian has expressed reservations about the (potentially/arguably/’problematically’) homophobic and misogynistic implications of the festival, but generously notes:

On a sliding scale, this is probably a lesser evil than having hoodie-wearing, drunken working class Nazi thugs doing one of those horrid, crass and vulgar ska festivals of theirs. At least this way, there will be less risk of cultural appropriation.

Their opposite numbers in the Sun, true to form, are outraged.

This is disgusting! We can’t even celebrate our indigenous radical conservative customs in our own country!

Theresa May is currently confused as to which side to condemn first.

This is the tail end of Richard ‘Clever Dick’ Cheney’s speech from last time. Continue Reading

Dick Cheney has recently conducted the annual Edgar J. Hoover Memorial Lecture at the Hoover Institute; a notable think tank renowned, among other things, for its publications on foreign policy.

Cheney’s speech had a rather mixed reception; however, his discussion was certainly provocative. Here is a brief excerpt, entitled:

Stand Firm Against Those Who Defile the Honorable Name of Freedom Continue Reading

Realistic Games is an award winning game supplier that has been receiving a great deal of attention (and for good reason) in recent years for its online slots and other gaming excitement. Mr. Green has now agreed to a new partnership deal with Realistic that will provide more distribution for the company, and it’s considered a win-win for both sides.

The entire catalogue of games by Realistic is now going to be available with Mr. Green. Mr. Green is one of the most successful casino brands to emerge in recent years. In fact, Realistic Games CEO Andy Harris recently commented, “We are extremely pleased to be providing our games to Mr Green, who have emerged in recent years as one of the most successful casino brands on the market.”

He went on to add, “We’re very confident that their customers will be engaged and entertained by our products, no matter what device they play them on, and we’re particularly pleased to be able to offer them our table games.”

Mutual Respect

The feelings of respect between these two companies was mutual, with the Head of Casino at Mr Green, Andrew Crosby, saying, “Realistic Games is a respected supplier in the market and I’m pleased our players will now benefit from being able to play their great games. Our aim is to have the most comprehensive casino offering and by adding Realistic’s content to our portfolio we have slotted in another large piece into the jigsaw.”

A strong addition, this means any Mr Green casino review is going to be bolstered by so many new game options for the enthusiast.

Mr Green Is Stronger Than Ever

When people are interested in playing casino games online, they certainly have numerous options about where they can go. Mr Green is one of them, but the key difference is the Mr Green Live Casino offers dozens of tables with live roulette, blackjack, and baccarat.

There are numerous reasons why people may not be able to get to a casino in person, but with the Internet and modern technology, it’s possible to bring the look and feel of a live casino right into their home, office, or bus or train (wherever they play from their tablet, laptop, or smartphone).

Something for Everyone

What makes Mr Green such an attraction for many avid casino gaming fans is the realism. Whether it’s about slots or the table games, roulette, or one of the other all time favorites, Mr Green is one of the best at distributing the most compelling, inspiring, and thrilling casino games throughout many parts of the world.

Between the wide range of suppliers and providers, there will be something for everyone, and that is bringing in greater appeal to the masses who look to online casino games as a bit of an escape, some serious fun, and for a chance to win some extra cash when they play.

Bringing in another powerhouse like Realistic Games is nothing short of a great decision and one that will continue to elevate Mr Green to the upper echelon of online gaming.

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—After the 2018 U.S. congressional election, Democrats won back enough seats to bring impeachment proceedings, but they decided to simplify their case against Donald Trump, citing only the undeniable fact, as the reason for the urgent need for Trump’s immediate removal from office, that Trump is “an old man.”

There are hundreds of scandals, crimes, conflicts of interests, gaffes, inadequacies, or embarrassments that can be attributed to Trump’s presidency, but leading Democrats believe they can avoid getting into the details by reminding everyone that, after all, Trump is just an old man and thus is obviously unfit for high office.
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Poor Lucy…

She can’t bear it.

Be with her in her time of trial.

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Well, that didn’t go well!

Otis Spengler’s corrupt and racist boss is upset about the weird experience Otis had at the M C Bubble rally.

Otis, for his part, is just sick of shilling for power.

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