Texas Messed With

AUSTIN, TX – It has been confirmed that the southern state of Texas was messed with today, as details of the messing continue to emerge.

Little is known at present about the exact nature of the messing, but various spokesmen and figureheads are believed to be “tired of this shit, y’hear?”

Despite repeatedly warning outsiders not to mess with the second largest state in the Union, Texans were left irate as it became apparent that their threats had fallen on deaf ears.

“You don’t mess with Texas,” said Austin resident Charlie Gentry. “I’m about sick of them outsiders thinking they can give the run-around to us Texans”.

“Them there is all hat and no cattle,” he continued. “This ain’t called ‘God’s Country’ for nothing, you know.”

It is not yet known what the messing entailed, nor is it clear how Texans will prevent future messes from occurring, but Dallas local Virginia Hughes had some words of wisdom for potential messers: “Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew; you’re mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.”

Meanwhile, in a shock development along the east coast Sunday, New York City is reported to have enjoyed a good night’s sleep for the first time in 57 years.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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