Category: Crooked Cops
Brainy Sacramento Solve Police Brutality Problem: African Americans Banned from Carrying Cell Phones!
Most of you will have seen the recent scandal where the police shot an unarmed black man multiple times in the back while he was standing in his own grandmother’s back yard, holding a cell phone that officers mistook for…
Possible Excuses For A Policeman To Shoot A Black Kid In The Back 16 Times.
“It was dark out and he was black. I was just shooting my gun off into the night for fun and he got in the way.” “I can’t count beyond 3.” “I got carpal tunnel from doing so much paperwork…
Help your town. Become a criminal
If your city is like most others in this great country, it is no doubt struggling to pay its bills and balance its budget – unless your town is Beverly Hills, in which case you can stop reading now. No…
Police Excuses As To Why They Threw A Fifteen Year Old Black, Bikini Clad, Barefoot Girl To The Ground And Pinned Her Down In McKinney, Texas.
“She might have had an Uzi in her panties.” “She could be a Kung-Fu expert and have attacked all nine of us and beaten us up.” “They could have had this whole pool party rigged with explosives Columbine style and…
N.Y. Police Turning Backs On de Blasio Illustrate Exactly Where The City’s Problems Lie
The New York Police twice turning their backs on Mayor de Blasio during his speeches at the funerals of two slain officers gives a strong indication of exactly where their whole racial problem started. The police showing disrespect for the…
Before Ferguson & Choking Death Of Eric Garner There Was Clifford Glover
At dawn on April 28th in 1973 Add Armstead, a black resident of Queens, New York, and his girlfriend’s son Clifford were walking down the street on the way to his weekend work at junkyard. Suddenly a car pulls up…
Yes, Virginia, It is possible to store 100% of police body cameras
It’s a fair question, but one with a very clesOar answer. Could we really keep all body camera footage from all officers in the cloud? You bet your beaten bottom, Virginia. So how many officers we talking? At the state,…
Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie
Everybody (more or less) seems to love Charlie, the moody animated horse from Sugarcandy Mountain; yet, it seems he hasn’t got a friend in John Kerry, as you’ll read. Really? Can that really be possible? Well, the notoriously ranty and…
Corrupt Cops Copping Their Karma
Reading comments after Yahoo articles are, at best, a good way to while away time in need of being wasted or in bringing your blood pressure to near hospitalization levels. Usually it is just full of mudslinging and name calling…
Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi
Fullerton, Orange County, CA – Fullerton resident and lifelong pacifist Dylan Donovan today announced that he has finally caved in to environmental pressures by joining the NRA and buying an Uzi sub-machine gun. Speaking from his home in downtown Fullerton,…
TSA Agent Impregnates Passenger
In news which may come as a huge shock to frequent flyers in the United States, Leanne Ackerman, 28, was somehow accidentally impregnated by a TSA agent of the same gender during an enhanced security pat-down, popularly known as the…
An Open Letter to Atos Healthcare
Dear Atos, My family and I would like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the miracle you caused in my cousin, Laura Sutton. After a most thorough assessment, during which you asked such questions as to…
Drunk Telephone Pole Hits Pedestrian
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Capitol Hill is under lockdown after reports that an intoxicated telephone pole hit a pedestrian walking by his position on Constitution Avenue. The assault allegedly occurred early Saturday morning after a pair of street lamps to the…
Report: TSA Agents Receive Eternal Cavity Searches in Hell
Washington is ablaze with fury after one of Satan’s lieutenants accidentally leaked the conditions of punishment for TSA agents in Hell, which include cavity searches that never ever end. Buroz Baliferous, a lower demon who works under Satan in the…
YOLO Dead; As Are Most Adherents (Part 2)
We began our story yesterday on the dangers of the phrase YOLO! and what it’s meant to the dwindling number of America’s less intelligent youth who followed this belief. What happened to them? We’ll tell you later, but we’ll give…
Roque LA Officer Chris Dorner Proposed NRA Speaker
In a move that is even stunning for the NRA, a speaking offer has been made to former LAPD officer Christopher Dorner to speak at the next NRA convention. The decision has many inside the organization questioning the overall impact…
Pulled Pork… You’ll Get it in a Minute
Apparently the cops in Santa Fe are jerkin off on the job and I mean that literally. The hero of our story, former police Sgt Mike Eiskant seems to have been caught holding the bag when a team of investigative…
Courts: Police Authority Can Be Sexually Transmitted
Atlanta, GA, (GlossyNews): A Federal Court of Appeals today set a stunning new precedent with their decision in the case of Mego-Mart, et al v. Doe. According to the unanimous ruling, official law enforcement powers, and, specifically, police arresting authority,…
Cameroon Corruption: Force 9 on Beaufort Scale
Amidst a growing maelstrom of rumour, gossip and scandal Cameroon’s security chief Rastus Chuckabutty has finally admitted some 300,000 people hoping to get jobs in the police force have written, phoned or e-mailed him directly begging for preferential treatment –…
Grandpa Arrested for Calling Spade a “Damn Spade”
Has the E-USSR bestowing Big Brother Gestapo-style powers on the UK’s local council bureaucratic jobsworths and their PFI housing association gophers gone totally to their heads? Do you believe the adage that power tends to corrupt – but those of…
The Bank Raid that Rocked the Met’
A horror story that has it’s Kafkaesque–Orwellian origins rooted in the date of 2nd June 2008, has now come – a year and a half later – a haunting full-circle from when more than 500 of the Met’s finest plods…
Trigger Happy Cops Off Scot-Free on “My Bad” Defense
The UK’s Independent Police Complaints Commission today publicly announced its disgraceful and scandalous decision not to censure or prosecute the shit-for-brains gun-toting plods who couldn’t tell the difference between a fanatical Ethiopian suicide bombing Jihadi terrorist and a happy-go-lucky Latino…
Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves
Eighteen trainee officers have suffered burns to the faces, gone blind and had their lungs permanently damaged during a CS gas spray training exercise for the Greater Manchester Police’s ‘Riot Plod Squad’. The rookie recruits – hired from the redundant…
Cops Can’t be Trusted with Fines
According to a report just released by the UK’s Manky Magistrates Commission the nation’s Plod Squads cannot be trusted to hand out summary justice and will act as “Prosecutor, Judge and Jury” if given further God-like powers to issue on-the-spot…
Police Chief Faces Racist Probe from “Damn Darkies”
According to a report leaked to the Daily Shitraker by an anonymous source inside the Metropolitan Police Authority (Sergeant Candida Muffrot) an independent investigation has begun into claims of racism against Ms. Catherine Crawfish, the 95-year old Gorgonesque chief executive…
Innovative Cops Boost Income by Robbing Cars
While there’s nothing unusual about discovering items of value have been stolen from unlocked (or locked) parked cars – including the actual car wheels or engine – or the car itself – by opportunist thieving Pikey scallies during the deepening…
Anti-Graft Boss Caught Elbow-Deep in Graft
Campaigners have condemned the reappointment of the head of Kenya’s anti-corruption agency – the KACC (pronounced ‘cack’) – by the 105-year old President Dogbone Meow Kitkatbar. FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts! Man Sacked for Wearing Arsenal…