SARASOTA, FL – GlossyNews.com — After nearly four years of marriage, Nathan and Jennifer Reed are starting to worry that their proverbial “honeymoon” might never end, despite several attempts to take each other for granted and argue over petty differences.

While most married couples spend a mere six months ignoring faults and having way too much passionate Read the full story

New York City Mayor Bloomberg made God-fearing GOP senators quake in their extremely heterosexual boots this week when he came out in favor of gay marriage and said he would do everything he can to support a bill brought before Congress.

Bloomberg is currently the largest financial contributor to the Republican Senate ,making some political analysts suspect that many Republican Senators will have to choose between reelection and legalizing gay marriage.

Mitch McConnell, seeming torn, issued the following statement in response: “What I don’t believe Mayor Bloomberg understands is that gay marriage is icky. When he realizes what one guy would be doing to another guy with no women involved I think he will change his mind. I mean seriously, has he heard what they do to each other?”

McDonalds has come out strongly against Mayor Bloomberg’s comments. Read the full story

For the second time this year, Newt Gingrich has announced nationally that he is definitely considering making a run for President of the United States on the GOP ticket. He admits he has some hurdles to overcome and addressed those hurdles in a speech he gave recently at a private fundraiser in Provo, Utah. Read the full story

Modern day journalistic prophets have announced Elizabeth Taylor was in heaven for no more than five minutes before the first complaints rolled in this morning.

Taylor, famous for her feisty temper, charitable nature and a career spanning five decades with a total of eight marriages, claimed “heaven wasn’t meant to be this freaky. If God was the real deal he’d have sent some of these cheating jerks to meet Satan.” Read the full story

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (Glossy News) — The rights for the 1954 movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers , long ago lost, have fallen into Public Domain. As such, it can be remade or have its title used by anyone without having to pay any royalties to the original writer or production company. Seven different film producers are scrambling to see that their movie is the first to hit the big screen.

The original movie tells the story of the Pontipee brothers, who kidnap a group of girls to become their wives. As they live in backwoods Oregon in the 1850′s, and an avalanche traps them on their farm on the other side of a mountain range, the girls cannot be rescued and fall in love with their kidnappers before their fathers get to them. Read the full story

SEATTLE, Wash. (Glossy News) — A wealthy Seattle man, Benjamin Dover, recently decided it was time to remarry. Having divorced his wife of five years after a rather steamy sex scandal that rocked downtown Seattle, Dover sought to put the mistakes of his past aside and find companionship with a quality woman. So, as many lovelorn men today, he invested his time and money in a cyber dating service.

According to Dover, the interview process progressed fairly well, allowing him to narrow his choices to three women he had been courting online for the past several months. Read the full story

Jason Margwalter, or Talahasee, Florida, recently wed his highschool sweetheart. Since both of them had saved themselves for marriage, allegedly, they had high expectations for their wedding night. Not all went quite to plan, according to new bride Nichole, but thanks to the power of the Bible, Jason had a ready explanation. Read the full story

Sarah and Ted Jgorksen of Providence, Rhode Island dated for almost two years before tying the knot last Sunday in a small traditional wedding held in the Elmhurst neighborhood. While Ted assumed the $5,200 diamond solitaire would ensure a lifetime of hassle-free oral, his bride Sarah assumed she’d never again have to provide it.

“This isn’t an understanding gap, it’s more like a chasm,” said Ted, while his new bride ranted in the background, “Oh you’d like a chasm, wouldn’t you? Like that whore Kayla [you used to date in college, who offered such encounters with impunity, delight, and testicle clutching vigor].”

Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods, who have been sharing a bachelor pad in Palm Beach, have announced that they are going back to work.

Sheen said his main motivation was that he was going “stir crazy” spending 24 hours a day with Woods.

“You can only bounce a fucking ball on the end of a golf club for so long before it becomes fucking nerve wracking to everyone else in the apartment.” Read the full story

Salt Lake City, UT – Thurl Bailey step aside, the LDS Church will soon have a new spokesmodel. In a bizarre turn of events yesterday morning, LDS Church elders in Salt Lake City announced that Tiger Woods has decided to join the Mormon Church. Woods, who has been searching for meaning to his life like a bum searching for change, stumbled upon two Mormon missionaries over the Christmas holidays and has embraced the faith. Read the full story

(American politics at its Best: difference in the eroticism happening inside your bedroom)

Thanks to billions after billions of dollars invested by Political Machines into the Think-Tanks and Institutes for the political myth-makers to perfect their beautiful language and rich metaphors in describing what happens in a politicized bedroom – the affairs between a husband and a wife — your voting choices have been (overly?) simplified to “What kind of man or woman do you want as a partner.” Read the full story

Sun Moon University, Seoul, South Korea —The final 10,000 Moonies exchanged their marriage vows this week. The ceremony came just before Utah’s Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, prepared to take over the franchise from Rev. Moon and his three sons. Read the full story

UK social workers following the latest batch of the EU’s totalitarian Communist Federation regulations being imposed on this once-sceptered isle have banned a young woman from her own wedding in a ridiculous broughaha over whether she is bright enough to get married. Read the full story