Posted in Human Interest

Pittsburgh: 3 So. Oakland Buildings Improved In Atwood Street Fire

PITTSBURGH — The Pittsburgh Fire Department was called late last night to a three-alarm blaze on Atwood Street that, according to onlookers, “greatly improved at least three of the buildings.” While the South Oakland inferno itself enveloped a swath containing…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pittsburgh: 3 So. Oakland Buildings Improved In Atwood Street Fire
Posted in War Zone

Homeland Security Warns of “Out-For-Blood” Radical Group Calling Itself “Red Cross”

WASHINGTON — The Department of Homeland Security released a statement yesterday afternoon warning U.S. citizens of recent efforts by a group of homegrown radicals whom officials say are “out-for-blood.” Reports indicate the organization is calling itself Red Cross. According to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Homeland Security Warns of “Out-For-Blood” Radical Group Calling Itself “Red Cross”
Posted in Biz News Technology

Pittsburgh PUC Halts Ride-Sharing At Kennywood

PITTSBURGH — Ruling that the threat to public safety is “theoretically a very real problem under the principles of String theory,” a two-judge panel has shut down ride-sharing at Kennywood park in West Mifflin. The ruling makes it illegal for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pittsburgh PUC Halts Ride-Sharing At Kennywood
Posted in Biz News

U.S. Employers Look to Increase Productivity By Hiring More Human Centipedes

WASHINGTON — Following the U.S. Department of Labor’s recent report that employee productivity fell 3.2 percent in the first quarter of 2014, many companies are looking to overcome such weak proletariat performance by investing in the hiring of more human…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! U.S. Employers Look to Increase Productivity By Hiring More Human Centipedes
Posted in Travel War Zone

Jet-Wheel Stowaway Forces Airports to Increase Security Illusions

SAN JOSE, CALIF. — Following a 15-year-old boy’s recent stowaway ride across the Pacific Ocean, authorities at San Jose International Airport say they plan to work with the FAA in an effort to step up their security illusions, sources report….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jet-Wheel Stowaway Forces Airports to Increase Security Illusions
Posted in Education Technology

HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score

HERMINIE, PA — Local High School Student Roger Burman recently scored a perfect 2400 on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) after answering every question with the word, “Google,” sources report. According to English Teacher Frank Gimley, who proctored the exam,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score
Posted in Society

Undercover PennDOT Workers Disguised As Cops To Secretly Finish Turnpike Construction

PITTSBURGH — The Pennsylvania Department of Transportation (PennDOT) recently announced plans to disguise an elite group of its workers as police officers and place them in construction zones along the Pennsylvania Turnpike in order to secretly finish some of the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Undercover PennDOT Workers Disguised As Cops To Secretly Finish Turnpike Construction
Posted in Science Technology

Scientists Find Water On Nearby Useless, Soda-less Planet

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA. — Scientists with the NASA space program recently uncovered several million gallons of potable water — though no traces of carbonated liquid of any kind — on a large, nearby planet in what is being pronounced “a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists Find Water On Nearby Useless, Soda-less Planet
Posted in Travel

Crashed Military Jungle Pilot Unfound, FAA Blames Pilot Fatigues

WASHINGTON — Following an investigation into the crash and subsequent disappearance of U.S. Air Force Captain Wilbur “Willie” Rong during a non-combat mission somewhere over the Congo in Central Africa, the FAA has concluded that while the cause of the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Crashed Military Jungle Pilot Unfound, FAA Blames Pilot Fatigues
Posted in Human Interest

90 Year Old On Deathbed Comforted By Family Repeatedly Pointing Out How Old He Is

FT. LAUDERDALE, FLA — 90-year-old Elmer Durzylwood was reportedly at peace in his final hours late last night after his family had spent the entire day repeatedly telling him that he is very old, sources report.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 90 Year Old On Deathbed Comforted By Family Repeatedly Pointing Out How Old He Is