Fashion Police Accused of Disproportionately Targeting Blacks

LOS ANGELES, CA – An investigation has begun into allegations that members of the fashion police have deliberately set out to target blacks during routine fashion exposes and before-and-after shots.

The announcement comes after 2,000,000 eye-witnesses reported seeing singer Beyonce attacked inside the pages of several high profile magazines earlier this month, when dozens of “highly unflattering” images of the pregnant star were allegedly exposed by fashion police.

Critics say that Beyonce’s white counterparts – such as Adele and Lady Gaga – are given a “relatively free ride” by the media, who have also been accused of disproportionately targeting Kanye West, Oprah Winfrey and first lady Michelle Obama.

“It just seems to me that Katy Perry can get away with the whole bunny-ears-look, but if I try it I’m instantly a fashion disaster,” said singer and actress Jennifer Hudson – herself an alleged victim of fashion police brutality. “Not all blacks are fashion criminals you know!”

Pictures of Miss Hudson – which appeared to show the star from the worst possible angle and under unflattering lighting – were this week featured on the front page of the National Enquirer, who also alleged that Hudson and former chat show host Oprah Winfrey had indulged in a night-long cocaine binge. Accusers argue that there was no mention of Paris Hilton’s latest fashion nightmare or soccer player David Beckham’s ridiculous new tattoo.

“When are we going to wake up and admit that there is a problem within the fashion industry of America?,” asked Winfrey. “You’ve just got to look at People Magazine to know that black celebrities receive far worse treatment than white ones.”

Meanwhile, in a statement issued today, the fashion police defended their position, insisting that “skin color is irrelevant when it comes to who we expose.”

“Just look at the case of Michael Jackson,” said one fashion expert. “We ridiculed his sense of style when he was black only as much as we did once he turned white.”

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.