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“Yucky World” w/Dick and Janey: Pagan wants to secularize public schools!

“Yucky World” w/Dick and Janey: Pagan wants to secularize public schools!

Announcer: A high school in Colorado recently banned religious speech during an “Open Time” period also known as Seminar.

Previously, Jackson High School of Mill Creek, Washington, with the support of the federal courts, banned the playing of an instrumental version of Franz Biebl’s “Ave Maria” at its graduation ceremony.

Dick and Janey, “Yucky World” talk show hosts, will be discussing this issue with Wanda Pagan, spokesperson for Secularize All Public Schools (SAPS).

Janey: What’s the problem, Ms. Pagan?

Pagan: You can’t do religion in the public schools.

Janey: But an instrumental version…

Pagan: …is religion getting its foot in the school house door.

Dick: Would a toe have a better chance?

Pagan: A toe? It really doesn’t matter. That wall separating church and state has to be toe-proof, too.

Dick: Isn’t that a food?

Janey: That’s tofu, Dick. What are your organization’s long range goals, Ms. Pagan?

Pagan: SAPS not only wants to keep religion out of the schools, we want God out as well!

Dick: What if God has a visitor’s pass?

Janey: Uh…what are some other changes you’d like to see?

Pagan: First of all, high school bands would not be allowed to march in Thanksgiving Day parades.

Dick: Wait until Santa hears about this!

Pagan: It’s not about Santa. Students shouldn’t be marching in a parade whose main purpose is to thank God.

Janey: Would schools still be able to close for Good Friday?

Pagan: Yes, but they’d have to rename it. What gives one religious group the right to say their Friday is better than someone else’s? Furthermore, Easter Vacation would have to be renamed Spring Vacation.

Dick: Then if the Easter Bunny changed his first name to Spring, he would still be okay for school?

Pagan: Well…yes, I guess so.

Dick: I don’t think he’s going to like that. He’s already been picked on a lot because his last name is Bunny.

Janey: Ah…right, Dick. If references to God are out, what should students do when they’re saying “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance?

Pagan: Our lawyers recommend coughing.

Dick: Hey, what about milk money? Coins have “In God We Trust” on them!

Pagan: We’re advising school cafeterias to only accept checks.

Janey: And the singing of “God Bless America”?

Pagan: Should be banned!

Dick: So you think nothing blessed America and that we’re all alone!

Pagan: In your case, you ought to be alone in a padded cell.

Janey: Sounds like you’re coming down with a cold.

Pagan: Ah…ah…choo!

Janey: God bless you!

Dick: If the SAPS have their way, better not get caught saying that in a public school!

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

SCOOP! Glossy News Is The First With A Photo Of The New Star Trek Series And Its Stars!

SCOOP! Glossy News Is The First With A Photo Of The New Star Trek Series And Its Stars!

A leak in the security of the new Star Trek series has provided Glossy with a peek at the highly anticipated show.

As you can see the players will be wearing an all new design of Star Fleet uniforms and, as usual, represent many different races and nationalities.

Again there will be a black Vulcan just like Tuvok in the Voyager series, only this time he will be in the Commander position. Unlike his predecessor this new Vulcan will occasionally exhibit moments of humor, a very un-Vulcan like quality.

His name is Barack Hussein Obama, an unlikely a name as any writer could ever conjure up, but we’ll go with it for the time being. There is a Chinese second in command, Xi Jinping (they must have been really imaginative to come up with this moniker), who will be a constant source of disagreement and contention in the series.

Unknown to the other crew members, a Romulan agent has infiltrated the group with the intent on sabotaging all relationships and vessel machinery that he can. Named Vladimir Putin (the writers got a little lax on this name. It is inappropriate as it sounds too much like the Romanian Prince Vlad who was the basis for Dracula….on second thought the name fits. Forget it.), he is the wild card in the deck of the ship’s crew.

Other nationalities and races will play key characters who will mostly get in the way of the other three stars or die horribly while wearing red uniforms (in the original Star Trek series any actor wearing a red shirt always got creamed half way through the episode).

Whereas most Star Trek episodes involved conflicts with aliens outside the ship, this series will have most of its battles waged inside the vessel between its own crew members. Mr. Putin and Jinping will prove to be behind most of the intrigue. Mr. Putin and Mr. Jinping, being from more backwards lands, are jealous of the Captain’s superior technology and feels that they must interrupt their progress in any way possible to overcome it.

On their first mission in an entirely new ship aptly called the “New World Order”. the crew encounters foreign aliens trying to escape their home planet to work on the earth. Captain Obama wants to welcome them in, not realizing that helmsman Putin has already sent out small fighters to buzz and harass them. Mr. Jinping just stands back and waits for both to make mistakes so he can take over.

Future episodes will be guaranteed to have lots of weird looking aliens and not-so-weird looking gorgeous shapely women wearing way-too-short mini-skirt uniforms.

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Posted in Entertainment, Politics2 Comments

Time To Retire Grumpy Old Senators

Time To Retire Grumpy Old Senators

Everybody seems to be blaming the current do-nothing state of Congress on the fractious squabbling between different ideological factions, particularly those of the Republican persuasion.

But maybe it’s not ideology at all; maybe it’s just that we have too many grumpy old men in the Senate.

It would probably require a Constitutional amendment but I think it’s time we placed an age limit on membership in the U. S. Senate. Continue Reading

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics0 Comments

Obama Apologizes For Post-election Hubris

Obama Apologizes For Post-election Hubris

Barack Obama has reportedly done a complete about face. Having encountered widespread criticism for the tough stance he took in his post-electoral press conference, the President has decided to take a more conciliatory approach with his Republican opponents.

“I’m really sorry about last Wednesday,” said Obama.

“The fact of the matter is I inadvertently switched speech texts and mistakenly brought along part of one about dealing with terrorists to the press conference.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics2 Comments

How Is An American Treated When He Tries To Get a Job in Mexico?

How Is An American Treated When He Tries To Get a Job in Mexico?

Much ado is made of the treatment of Latin Americans coming across our borders looking for illegal work.

But what happens when an American goes to Mexico to get a job. Roses are not exactly strewn across his path either.

When I was much younger I had had a bad experience volunteering for the forest service (don’t ever do it!) in Wyoming and, angered and upset that I had wasted a whole summer of no pay for thankless U.S. Government Rangers, I headed down to Mexico to escape for a while from the so-called ‘American Dream’. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Republicans Have Saul-like Epiphany Day After Winning Mid-term Elections

Republicans Have Saul-like Epiphany Day After Winning Mid-term Elections

The day after winning a vital mid-term election that would give them a much stronger control of the U.S. Government, the Republican Party has apparently experienced an epiphany on the majesty of that which affected Saul on his Biblical quest to persecute the Jews.

Only in the example of the Republicans it will prevent them from smiting the Democrats. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics5 Comments

Washington-area Birdwatchers Spot Migrating Species

Washington-area Birdwatchers Spot Migrating Species

It’s late fall and a sure sign of the season is the movement of various migratory birds in Washington and elsewhere. Recent sightings include:

The African American Obama

Perhaps because of its name, the African American obama is often mistakenly thought to be native to Kenya. In fact, this White House-perched bird is from Chicago by way of Hawaii. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

SCANDAL!- Many Republicans Found To Be Hooked On Koch!

SCANDAL!- Many Republicans Found To Be Hooked On Koch!

A shocking report has reached news desks throughout the country that many Republicans, especially those in great positions of responsibility, are hooked on Koch.

Koch, which first made it appearance in the 40’s, has become more virulent in recent years. It is highly addictive and those who become hooked on it quickly develop selfish, anti-social behavior.

Unlike heroin, meth or crack the user does not develop the degenerative physical attributes that readily mark the abuser as a junkie. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Politics1 Comment

It Turns Out That Everything Is Obama’s Fault

It Turns Out That Everything Is Obama’s Fault

It seems as if Barack Obama is getting blamed for everything. The Republicans are blaming him for every foreign hotspot including Iraq, Ukraine and Israel.

Every domestic problem also seems to be the President’s doing, so much so that the Republicans led by Speaker of the House John Boehner even launched a lawsuit against him.

At first, I thought all this was overkill. After all, how can one man be responsible for so many things going wrong? But then it occurred to me: the Republicans are on to something good here. It’s kind of like the dog-ate-my-homework all-purpose excuse – Obama did it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Politics5 Comments

Obama No Longer First US Black President

Obama No Longer First US Black President

Obama is no longer the first black president as he turned albino white today during his latest CIA briefing.

Apparently the ‘men in black’ have been hiding some of the more disturbing secrets of the nation from the man who should really know them. Now he does and it ain’t apparently purty…

After discovering how things really are beneath the surface in Washington and on the world scene, President Obama turned white right down to his hair, much the same as did Senator McCain when he was held prisoner by the North Vietnamese. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics4 Comments

States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

A new political entity was born today as all States west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is.

Fed up with decades of following a government that only recognized the needs and interests of those within a 200 mile radius of Washington, the League (hereafter referred to as the LSTRWRI to keep from using up all my printer ink) made Barrow, Alaska its capital, made Rand Paul its Emperor and named Sarah Palin its Queen just to keep her happy and quiet (not that she really knows anything about reality). Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Maddow Vindicates Hillary Over Inoffensive “Dead New Yorker” Comments

Maddow Vindicates Hillary Over Inoffensive “Dead New Yorker” Comments

Not so long ago, I told you how top photogenic political superstar Hillary Clinton was arbitrarily and unfairly accused of upsetting some mourners at a funeral…

With some (admittedly) fairly ill-timed, ill-judged, and most crucially, vindictively-taken-out-of-context comments™.

These comments were eerily and disturbingly reminiscent of the comments the mainstream media maliciously and unjustifiably accuse her of making at the Benghazi enquiry. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Television0 Comments

Innocent Hillary Unjustly Victimised Re: “Dead New Yorker” Comments

Innocent Hillary Unjustly Victimised Re: “Dead New Yorker” Comments

Future disgraced US President Hillary Clinton…

Sorry, I mean, disgraced future US President Hillary Clinton…

Well, to keep it simple, the somewhat more talented and principled member of the Hill and Bill double act (gotcha!) has recently turned up uninvited to a funeral in New York.

Well, not exactly “uninvited,” as such. Actually, some PR wonk from among the People That Count™ told me that Clinton merely made an “unplanned appearance.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Five Political Reality Shows Actually in Production

Five Political Reality Shows Actually in Production

With last season’s debut of “Naked and Afraid”, it appears that the TV reality show well might be running dry. Having exploited everything from dating to cooking to home improvement, it looks like the reality genre has finally been exhausted.

Luckily for TV producers, there is still one fertile field of TV reality endeavor that’s ripe for the plucking, namely politics as evidenced by these proposed reality shows soon to spring forth from the drawing board: Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Television0 Comments

King William (Clinton) the 1st, of America

King William (Clinton) the 1st, of America

    Washington, D.C. – July 4, 2040

– The National Mall is jammed with hundreds of thousands of spectators waiting expectantly for William Jefferson Clinton, Jr. to appear.

The 25-year-old son of former President Chelsea Clinton will soon be crowned William I, America’s first constitutional monarch.

The country has traveled a long and difficult road to finally reach this regal accommodation, a settling of the decades-long battle between the country’s two most powerful dynasties: the Bushes and the Clintons. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Time Machine Leaks 1st Look at Obama’s Exit Interview

Time Machine Leaks 1st Look at Obama’s Exit Interview

The latest trend in the world of human resources is the so-called exit interview. In theory, it gives a departing employee an opportunity to express his grievances while at the same time providing useful feedback to the employer.

Our intrepid reporter managed to track down a secondhand time machine allowing him to transcribe Barack Obama’s exit interview two years hence: Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics3 Comments

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