State-Wide, Only 5 People Now Eligible to Hold Office in Virginia

RICHMOND, Virginia – The political situation in Virginia has grown dire. First, the Democrat governor admitted that his page in his medical school yearbook has people with blackface and Klan robes in it. Then, the Democrat second-in-command lieutenant governor got credibly accused of sexual assault by not one, but two women. Then, right after he said that people who wore blackface should not be governor, the state’s attorney general, also a Democrat and third-in-command for the governorship, admitted that he also once wore blackface. Read more State-Wide, Only 5 People Now Eligible to Hold Office in Virginia

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Trump Translation Guide

Over the first two years of Donald Trump’s presidency, he has made countless incredible statements and many bold claims about how great he is, how horrible his detractors are, and all the historic achievements he has made, which, according to him, no other president has accomplished.

According to the Washington Post’s Fact Checker database, in his first two years of office, Trump has made over 6,400 false or misleading claims.

Every day he makes another outrageous pronouncement. It has gotten to the point where it can be extremely hard to know if even he believes the things that he says. So, as a public service, Glossy News has created a Trump Translation Guide to help people understand what our president is REALLY trying to say.

Below is a small sampling of some of President Trump’s recent statements and our best guestimate of what he actually means. We apologize for any correct spellings which may appear to contradict the President’s preferred misspelling. Read more Trump Translation Guide

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“Deep State”? Or Is It More Likely A “Deep Oligarchy”?

The Right has made much ado about there being a “Deep State” – a massive and deeply underground unification of different government agencies all bent on curtailing our freedoms. The interesting thing is that in past decades such talk during Republican rule has mocked such ideas, such as during the 1980’s when we all believed that the CIA was all seeing and all knowing. In our modern times the right has used the same idea to try and dethrone Obama and anyone adhering to similar ideas as his.

Now the opposite is happening. FOX pundits and far rightists are claiming that a “Deep State” is attempting to subvert our way of life and to subject us, even with Trump at the helm. The ironic thing about this claim is that these ideas are more that likely an attempt by a “Deep Oligarchy” to try to subvert the government of the United States itself. And it is working!!!

The Right is making a red carpet to taking over governmental agencies with this story of a hidden government at the Federal level. But who is putting forth these accusations? How about those corporations and wealthy, power seeking individuals who would profit from a major decline in governmental oversight. The Koch brothers, the pharmaceutical, oil, and energy companies, cattle ranchers and all other moneyed entities that would dominate the U.S. both economically and juridically if they could. Also Trump and his supporters are accusing the FBI and CIA of being such, due to their investigations of him.

This “Deep Oligarchy” would explain a lot of things- the vicious attacks on people like Elisabeth Warren who has not done a thing to harm anyone, but has only tried to make sure that regulations are in place to protect the average citizens. From out of nowhere, nasty campaigns have come about to discredit her and taint her character. Nasty maligning of left wing candidates and individuals supporting needed change or limiting moneyed interests have come under attack almost with the viciousness the Nazi’s used to disown anyone (especially Jews) who were not in lock step with their plans.

A Deep Oligarchy was seemingly behind the quick demise of the Occupy Wall Street movement. The title of this wrongly named movement brought out a lot of protectors of the monetary status quo to squelch it before it really did occupy the only street in America that many phony patriots care about. (The name “Occupy Wall Street” was probably a mistake, making the organization too aggressive sounding.) The right was quick to denounce and slander them with every button pushing name they could think of – communists, radicals , terrorists, socialists, etc., without ever recognizing that they were voicing the sentiments that many housewives, school teachers and regular citizens were finding.

At any rate, the Deep Oligarchy has found an outlet and a savior in the pimple known as Donald Trump. Although declaring himself an Interdependent he has become the Fuhrer for the billionaire class. The amazing thing is that he has succeeded in doing it in the way that corrupt socialist leaders have succeeded in doing it in eastern Europe and Latin America – by wooing the working class and poor.

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Donald J. Trump- Just The Enema America Needs.

He said he was gonna do it and, dad-gum if he didn’t gone and dooded it. The Donald provided the laxatorial stimulus needed to remove decades of inner stagnant, potentially cancerous fecal growth that had been festering our governmental tract tenaciously. Then he put his own agents to work to replace it with a faster acting drain cleaner that would not only eradicate the whole plumbing of the inner workings of Washington but eat away at the entire body of Federal government better than flesh-eating bacteria ever could.

But the Donald is accomplishing much more than just that. He is purging the entire body of the U.S. populace of its effluence. For instance, this whole silly knowing of facts; that there is a central truth to things that can be ascertained if one put his mind to it. Why go through all that work? Half truths are fluttering around like butterflies; just grab whatever suits your whim. Certain avenues of the media such as newspapers are going into rigor mortis; why not help them to their early grave? Get rid of reporters who make their living finding errors in the El Presidente’s messages. There is still plenty of room for them down at the soup lines with the other lower caste types who have lost their jobs at the newspapers. Read more Donald J. Trump- Just The Enema America Needs.

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Glossy News Exclusive: Sean Hannity’s Secret… That Everybody Already Knows

Washington, DC- For most Americans, Sean Hannity is known as a fiery conservative mouth piece who nightly uses his influence to stoke the fires of division, with the subtlety and nuance of a sloppy wet fart. But behind those pearly white capped teeth, that perfectly coiffed hair piece, and that ‘more square than square’ jaw line, Sean Hannity is hiding a terrible secret.

“His mouth smells like a butt hole,” Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace confided to me last week as we sipped Bloody Mary’s and nibbled on Gorgonzola cheese. “It’s why the bulk of his interviews take place via satellite. Most guests say yes to an in studio visit the first time they’re invited… But rarely do they say yes a second time.”

Read more Glossy News Exclusive: Sean Hannity’s Secret… That Everybody Already Knows

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