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The Creature of American Democracy Battered & Hunted under President Trump

The Creature of American Democracy Battered & Hunted under President Trump

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—American democracy has been badly injured and is in hiding as a result of Donald Trump’s being elected president of the United States.

There have since been scattered sightings of Democracy across the country. At midnight in Pasadena, an elderly woman reported seeing a battered, hunched figure with a mangled face, crawling in the alley behind her small house. The creature claimed to be none other than Democracy itself, the very creature that had formerly appeared angelic to the nation.
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Fears Grow Of Intensified North Korean Cyber-Terrorism

Fears Grow Of Intensified North Korean Cyber-Terrorism

An internationally respected think-tank has predicted an increase in North Korean sponsored cyber-terrorism.

The North Korean Strategy Think-tank (NKST), based in Washington, D.C., collates intelligence from defectors, intelligence agencies and informed international observers. Its own psychologists and strategic analysts then use this information to fine-tune their model of the rogue state in an attempt to predict the most likely behaviour of the regime.

The most recent NKST analysis anticipates that further military provocations will be instigated by North Korea. It predicts, however, that these will fall short of any act sufficient to justify an American military strike in the face of Chinese and Russian opposition to military retaliation.

The Russian analysis that the Pyongyang leadership would rather eat grass then give up their nuclear ambitions is accepted as correct. The current NKST model, however, challenges the fear propagated by western media that Kim Jong-un is mentally unstable. The model indicates a low probability that he would deliberately seek a nuclear confrontation. As one NKST source unofficially put it: ‘Pyongyang well understands that after an all-out American attack, no edible grass would remain in North Korea.’

The NKST model has concluded that the current North Korean strategy to damage its perceived enemies will focus on intensification of its already significant efforts in the area of cyber-terrorism.

The NKST model assumes a calculation by Kim Jong-un that cyber-disruption perpetuated by a nation would be unlikely to draw any significant retaliation. This is believed to be a reasonable assumption – in part because culpability is very hard to prove. The NKST also notes, however, that cyber-terrorism is different in type from military action. A military response to a cyber-attack would currently be viewed by the international community as entirely disproportionate.

Credible rumours have recently emerged that WikiLeaks may have suppressed information about North Korean cyber-terrorism – information that had been covertly fed to the organisation from US and European intelligence sources. An unnamed whistleblower within WikiLeaks is alleged to have revealed the existence of reports relating to the experimental North Korean targeting of large numbers of Wi-Fi enabled systems in the west – parts of the, so called, ‘Internet of Things’.

Superficially, many of these reports appear ludicrous, and their alleged suppression by WikiLeaks has been attributed to fear of ridicule or accusations of propagating fake news.

Specific examples of North Korea’s experimental hi-jacking of such systems are alleged to have already included:

*Increasing the oven temperature being used by one contestant in ‘the Great British Bake Off’ in order to incinerate the contestant’s soufflé.
Although appearing to be a ridiculous claim, intelligence agencies have long been aware of Kim Jong-un’s interest in western cookery programmes together with his fury at being rejected for the role of judge in an early series of MasterChef.
*Switching off lights and cameras on the ITV breakfast show, Good Morning Britain, when Piers Morgan was presenting.
As in relation to nuclear provocations, Pyongyang appears to have an eye to the consequences of its actions. The North Koreans may reason that, if the silencing of Piers Morgan was ever attributed to North Korea, it might generate considerable public support for Kim Jong-un in the UK that would counter calls for retaliation in respect of the cyber-attack.
*Triggering Theresa May’s and Angela Merkel’s alarm clocks at three o’clock every morning so the leaders are never able to get a decent night’s sleep.
Any recent close-up photograph of either leader immediately makes this apparently bizarre claim hugely more credible then it first appears to be.

Other attacks are said to have occurred on systems which can be monitored by Pyongyang but for which the practical effects of North Korean hacking are not obvious on the ground.
Examples have allegedly included:
*Disrupting the timetabling computers on the British railway network to cause commuter chaos.
*Changing remotely collected data from UK meteorological stations to make UK weather predictions wildly unreliable.
*Taking selective control of cars across Italy and causing them to be driven in a reckless and suicidal manner.
*Inserting random nonsense into tweets by Donald Trump.
*Changing satnav programs to cause large trucks to become jammed in narrow country lanes.
*Scrambling any official electronic communications that contain the term ‘Brexit’ to cause confusion and chaos in the Brexit negotiation process.

If true, all the above cyber-attacks have been cunningly and effectively concealed because those observing the outcomes would have failed to detect anything unexpected.

Whilst the above actions may seem like superficial mischief, perfecting the perpetration of such attacks is thought to have a deadly serious purpose. For example, it is believed that, by 2020, Kim Jong-un could exercise control over millions of specific, Wi-Fi enabled domestic appliances throughout America and Europe.

One capability this would afford would be to simultaneously switch to maximum heat all vulnerable ovens and hobs in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Such an attack could also include the hyper-energisation of magnetrons in many microwave ovens such that anyone attempting to disconnect the weaponised equipment would be incinerated.

The NKST calculates that such an action could result in firestorms which would decimate many western cities.

Other such doomsday capabilities might include:
*Disabling condom vending machines late on Friday nights so that an unpredicted population increase would challenge western resources.
*Allowing an Alexa voice command to arrange a next day, Amazon Prime delivery of plutonium 239 to Pyongyang.
*Aiding Jeremy Corbyn to become UK Prime Minister and hence destroying the UK economy.
*Assisting Russia in aiding Donald Trump’s re-election for a second term.

The NKST has cautioned that with so many items of commercial and domestic equipment increasing being Wi-Fi enabled, the nature of any such co-ordinated attacks would be limited only by the imagination of the Pyongyang leadership.

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Random Thoughts (V): Not All Pacifists are Created Equal

Random Thoughts (V): Not All Pacifists are Created Equal

Pacifism and Perfectionism

It is necessary to distinguish between a conscientious objection where one refuses to serve in the Armed forces; versus a kind of intrusive, interventionist and deeply sanctimonious hyper-pacifism which would snatch the gun from the hand of another.  Continue Reading

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How to Make a Donald Trump Rant in Five Easy Steps (It’s Really Simple)

How to Make a Donald Trump Rant in Five Easy Steps (It’s Really Simple)

Ever wanted to be just like the Donald?

Well now you can rant as much as you like! Just follow this simple formula… Continue Reading

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Hillary Clinton Defends Crimes Against Humanity & Genocide

Hillary Clinton Defends Crimes Against Humanity & Genocide

Hillary Clinton has provided some typically sophistical responses to old One Tongue Johnny’s recent arguments against ‘the Globalist-Humanitarian jargon of “Crimes Against Humanity” and “Genocide.”‘

Let’s hope we can keep her on topic; I know she has a habit to digress a little, and get into self-indulgent rants about her hobbyhorses. Continue Reading

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Emerging Corpse? What Will Finally Become of the Alt-Left?

Emerging Corpse? What Will Finally Become of the Alt-Left?

DIOGENES:

The Alt-Left is done!

KARL:

No. The Alternative Left or ‘Alt-Left’ is an emerging political and ideological movement that is still in flux, and has not yet fully crystallized. Your one-sided expectations are entirely undialectical! Continue Reading

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Trump’s Apocrypha: The Lost Chapters of the Art of the Deal

Trump’s Apocrypha: The Lost Chapters of the Art of the Deal

The Art of the Deal originally was a much larger book; however, the dishonest fake news media, liberal Hollywood elites and DC Swamp managed to successfully suppress the very best chapters of the book. Continue Reading

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Antifa Anti-Jokes: The First One to Laugh Gets a Whack

Antifa Anti-Jokes: The First One to Laugh Gets a Whack

NO MORE MCDONALDS

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the decadent late-capitalist neoliberal bourgeoisie have colonized agriculture, and made it impossible for chickens to thrive and flourish without seeking a more hospitable working environment. Continue Reading

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Labour MP Naz Shah Tells Yazidi ISIS Victims to ‘Shut Up’

Labour MP Naz Shah Tells Yazidi ISIS Victims to ‘Shut Up’

After recently retweeting a comment saying Rotherham rape victims should shut up for the good of diversity, prominent George Galloway critic and moderate socialist intellectual Naz Shah has ended up in even bigger trouble.

A satirical Twitter account, parodying prominent conservative journalist and rowdy anti-imperialist pseudo-Marxist polemicist Peter Hitchens recently said: Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

President Trump Murders Alt Right Conservatives, their Ghosts still Support him

President Trump Murders Alt Right Conservatives, their Ghosts still Support him

Dateline: TRUMPLAND—After President Trump ordered that all of his alt right supporters be systematically murdered, their ghosts said that they still support the president.

Mr. Trump tweeted that he was grateful for their continuing support.
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Consumer Protection Law Humbles American Politicians and Mass Media

Consumer Protection Law Humbles American Politicians and Mass Media

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Congress passed a law mandating that large American organizations report the average of their polled approval rating in their public statements, the White House, Congress, and the mainstream media stumbled in attempting to conduct their business. Continue Reading

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Trump blames Alt Left for Cross Dressed Statues

Trump blames Alt Left for Cross Dressed Statues

An angry and mentally battered President Trump condemned the Alt-Left for vandalizing Confederate Statues in several cities overnight; including dressing one up in a pink bra and layered skirt. Continue Reading

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Liberals accused of Insensitivity for mocking Mentally-Disordered President Trump

Liberals accused of Insensitivity for mocking Mentally-Disordered President Trump

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Martha Mollycoddle, the mother of a man diagnosed as a psychopath and currently undergoing treatment in a hospital for the criminally insane, has begun a campaign to shame liberals and Democrats for mocking President Trump as a result of his similar mental disorder. Continue Reading

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God praised for outfitting Donald Trump with Self-Destruct Button

God praised for outfitting Donald Trump with Self-Destruct Button

Dateline: LOS ANGELES—Thousands of Americans, who resist Donald Trump’s presidency on the grounds that he is literally a psychopath, have formed a religious group calling for praise of God for supplying the psychopath Donald Trump with a self-destruct button.

The group is called Small Mercies and was founded in Los Angeles, by Joey Garbanzo. Members of the group call themselves The Thankful, thus fulfilling the phrase, being “thankful for small mercies.”
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Second-Grade Satirist Furious: 10 Whole Websites Steal His ‘Scaramucci Joke’

Second-Grade Satirist Furious: 10 Whole Websites Steal His ‘Scaramucci Joke’

A certain low-grade satirist is upset that no fewer than ten edgy satire outlets have stolen his Scaramucci joke.

Bigoted, disrespectful moron One Tongue Johnny wantonly abused his freedom of speech privileges by screaming: Continue Reading

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Mensa Makes Special Genius Category For Trump.

Mensa Makes Special Genius Category For Trump.

Mensa, the international high intelligence group that only accepts people who pass a difficult IQ test, have in the age of Trump found a troubling enigma that has causes them to review their intelligence statuses.

The present President-select has provided them with an problem in categorizing him that they had to labor to overcome. What rating do you give a man with such astounding mental process as our current Commandant-In-Chief? Continue Reading

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