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BNP Candidates Getting too Racially Tolerant as they Age

BNP Candidates Getting too Racially Tolerant as they Age

The BNP has been hit by its biggest crisis yet.

An even bigger crisis than the shortage of dead badger carrion in Wigton…

Or the malicious efforts of the fictive Andorran Gay Illuminati and Pan-Serbian Metrosexual Skull ‘n’ Bones Club to overthrow the sound, British, commonsensical way of life.

Yes. It turns out that as BNP candidates reach a certain point in their life, their values and attitudes towards others undergo radical changes, to the great distress of their relatives and fascist comrades.

One tinpot Tyndall wept:

I just don’t know what’s come over our great-uncle.

I mean, he used to be a real wag, the life and soul of the party, always cracking witty jokes at the least provocation.

Yeah, we would just be going about our everyday lives, and all of a sudden he would throw something in about ‘bloody wogs and poofters,’ and the whole room would explode with laughter.

But now, he’s just so flaming miserable. And depressed.

Whenever we see him in the street, he just scowls at us and mutters under his breath about ‘racist bigots bringing shame on this family.’

Hmph! I mean, technically, it’s not like me and my BNP comrades are genuinely racist…

You know, like UKIP or all those types.

He’s so petulant and irritable, I think he must be unwell.

I mean, I even saw him raving wildly and irrationally at some fanatical extremist protest recently, claiming:

‘The UK belongs to all of us, and not to a few people who just happen to tick the right identity boxes.’

I think he must have dementia or something.

‘Please, Hermann, you’re not well,’ I pleaded with him.

But he just stared right through me, as if I didn’t exist, as though somehow, he longer recognised me.

I blame New Labour.

Oh and all the other ones too.

Especially the Jews, the blacks, the Muslims, the queers, the disabled, the foreigners, the immigrants, the…

I don’t think it’s a problem for me to end the transcript here. The rest of the quote doesn’t really add anything to the discussion.


Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

The News (Really) Bytes – July 2015

The News (Really) Bytes – July 2015

Buddhists show their deep belief in the teachings of their saint- Buddha- by murdering and repressing the ethnic Muslims in Myanmar.

Turkey, coming to the aid of the U.S. and other nations battling Isis in the Middle-east decide to drop a few bombs on the Kurds in their own country as well.

The Kurds have proven to be the best fighters against Isis, but the Turkish government is leery of their success. The Turkish explain “Ah, we just had a few bombs left over and didn’t want to waste them.” Continue Reading


Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

Dentist Who Shot Lion Enters GOP Presidential Race

Dentist Who Shot Lion Enters GOP Presidential Race

Walter Palmer, the dentist who shot and killed the beloved African lion Cecil, has become the latest candidate to enter the crowded Republican presidential race. The Minnesota doctor made the announcement via Twitter.

Early polls among Republican voters show Mr. Palmer ahead of many GOP hopefuls including Bobby Jindal, Lindsay Graham, Jeb Bush and Chris Christie but trailing Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump. Continue Reading


Posted in Politics0 Comments

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (2/2)

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (2/2)

Last time:


Not least because they can risk utterly destroying the personal reputation, or worse still, the business reputation of the person undertaking the purported hostile takeover in question.

In fact, that’s pretty much the only problem.

But it’s still a biggie.

Kind of.

Well, from a particular point of view, I guess.


Um, wrong?

Mitt Romney always like to clarify his positions, and ensure no-one interprets his views in a one-sided, dogmatic manner.

So, fair’s fair.

(Or is it?)

Either way, here’s what he has to say next.

Um, anyhoo, the best way to avoid the unfortunate and often undeserved stigma of being a “hostile takeover” merchant is to generally avoid hostility.

So if you are conducting a hostile takeover, make sure it’s not “really” a hostile takeover at all.

In fact, the stupid liberal media are unfairly and one-sidedly misrepresenting your beneficial efforts to increase the cash flow within a certain narrowly circumscribed (but not too narrowly circumscribed!) field of action.

So, whenever you pull up your car (try a less flashy or ostentatious one. Like, say, your fifteenth Mercedes Benz, or even a middle-grade limited edition Rolls Royce, at a push!)…

Yes, whenever you drive up to the jealous younger son or thwarted mistress of the company boss (make sure they own at least 40% shares and can offer you a reasonable quid pro quo for your tiresome tireless and disinterested efforts, of course)…

Well, whenever you approach them, don’t just bring your connoisseur’s classic semi-automatic rifle and scream:

Show me the goddamn money, you corrupt rival-corporation-owning bastards!

That’s not very pragmatically expedient. Instead, just offer them a nice cup of camomile tea, sit them down, bring some cookies…

Or even “biscuits” for extra genteel effect.

Or better still, flip-flops aside, some “beeskwee,” for added slick coastal sophistication, if they are actually slick coastal Demo-cronyist types.

And speak to them, warmly and invitingly, gently murmuring:

Look, my dear friend, I promise, hand on heart, I’m really NOT trying to sneak in and destroy my vicious, cruelly corrupt business competitors from the outside…

(I mean, all those for whom my darkened heart cherishes a burning, undying commercial hatred and competitive resentment)…

No, I just want a purely value-free and neutral objective exchange of purely-material-and-non-ethically-charged physical resources.

Like, money.

So if you do this, and you are still accused of a “hostile takeover,’ then at least you will have the warm consolation of knowing that the evil liberal media are twisting your words, yet again.

Purely because you are an actual, genuine, honest to God wealth creator and they’re not, and never will be!

Because, like Satan, they can only twist and manipulate and play with words, but they can’t actually do or create anything of value at all.


Well, I thought this was a generally plausible and convincing book.

That is to say, it was very much in keeping with what I expected Romney to write.

But on the other hand, Donald Trump was horrified at Romney’s apparent sophistry.

What in the hell does he mean? ‘Personal reputation’ versus ‘business reputation?’ You mean, like there’s actually a difference?!

And Mike Huckabee, normally so easy to please, was not one bit impressed with this classic work of speculatively pious spiritual devotion.

Oh, come on! Would you trust this guy?

I mean, doesn’t Mitt Romney actually believe corporations are people?


Yes. Apparently he does.

Sorry. Not my problem!




Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”

The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”

WASHINGTON – Global leaders negotiating the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) affirmed the necessity of secret negotiations for the massive trade and “global governance” deal.

“The TPP is for your own good. Trust us,” stated senior negotiator Mickey Cantwell.

“Only highly-paid lobbyists can possibly understand the TPP text. It’s like NAFTA on steroids. I don’t think that mere journalists, ordinary consumers, or the useless eaters in Congress could possibly understand the TPP.” Continue Reading


Posted in Biz News, Politics1 Comment

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

Mitt Romney has released a new highly lucrative and highly non-ghostwritten handbook for businesspersons and 2016 GOP election frontrunners (insofar as there is a difference).

The text is made up of three very informed and erudite chapters:

Corporations are people.

No really, believe me, I swear I wouldn’t lie to you. Corporations are people.

FFS I swear I am just telling you the honest truth, they are, they are, they are! OHHH, they just frickin’ ARE, dammit!… Stupid, stupid, mainstream socialist jerks!!!

Here is an exclusive extract for all Glossy News readers, subtitled (but not ‘entitled!’): Continue Reading


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

Unsurprisingly, it turns out that the supposedly “right-wing” media in the UK has been infiltrated by malign and conspiratorial forces.

To wit, a vicious gang of far-left radical extremists™ who are attempting to destroy every last vestige of conservative, libertarian, classical liberal, theocratic and even any vaguely centre-leaning politics from the inside.

Rod Liddle murmurs:

Hey man, it was only meant to be a bit of a laugh. I’ve always had a soft spot for Old Labour.

I mean, all this time, I never intended to pander to Tories at all, let alone UKIP or BNP.

I mean, what I’m saying now is not that different from what us lefties were all saying a few decades back! Continue Reading


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Confederates Mourn: State’s Rights, National Interest are COLLECTIVIST Notions!!!

Confederates Mourn: State’s Rights, National Interest are COLLECTIVIST Notions!!!

Groundbreaking research from Guru Angus Lenn(on/in)vedanta Smiggles from the Social Constructionist String Theory Department in Bushmills Metaphysical College has made an astonishing revelation.

Yes. In an article published in the Pan-Bushmills Journal of Transcendental Obviousnesses, Smiggles assumes the following astonishing revisionist philosophical stance:

Confederates are not rugged individualists after all!

Actually, they are every bit as collectivist as the bureaucratic ‘Big Government’ wonks they profess to despise!!! Continue Reading


Posted in Education, Politics0 Comments

Confederate Flags Go On Crime Spree

Confederate Flags Go On Crime Spree

Confederate flags are wreaking havoc all over America. In Asheville, North Carolina, a Confederate flag walked into a school and impaled itself through three students.

An unidentified Confederate flag vandalized a reservoir in San Francisco, wasting millions of gallons of water in the drought-stricken area.

One Confederate flag was seen clinging to the roof of an out of control Dodge Charger speeding through a road construction site in Georgia. Continue Reading


Posted in Crime, Politics0 Comments

Rick Santorum Declares Himself Trans-Sexual…. But NOT Transsexual! (2/2)

Rick Santorum Declares Himself Trans-Sexual…. But NOT Transsexual! (2/2)

Time for a bit of

mutual mud-slinging, entrenched opinions and the politics of disagreement

as one notable satirical persona says.

Or again, as another such persona says:

Of course, it’s perfectly true, from one perspective, that…

But the other side of this dilemma, which is equally undeniable and obvious…

Let’s see how US politicians have responded to Santorum’s confession that he is trans-sexual, but definitely, definitely not transsexual. Continue Reading


Posted in Politics, Society3 Comments

Rick Santorum Declares Himself Trans-Sexual…. But NOT Transsexual! (1/2)

Rick Santorum Declares Himself Trans-Sexual…. But NOT Transsexual! (1/2)

Rick Santorum has not given the warm and generous welcome to the Supreme Court decision that a number of Republicans had anticipated.

So he’s decided to avoid a false neutrality on this occasion and really speak from the heart.

This may come as a surprise to not a few of you, but I think the new rules are actually totally heterophobic.

I mean, why can’t I have a gay marriage if I want it? So seriously, in order to have a gay marriage, you actually have to be gay? Continue Reading


Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Exclusive GlossyNews Interview: Former Trotskyist Jeremy Corbyn!  (3/3)

Exclusive GlossyNews Interview: Former Trotskyist Jeremy Corbyn! (3/3)

Last time:

“You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.”

Yes, nothing like edgy German socialism to warm the cockles of one’s heart. I love a bit of Liebknecht ‘n’ Luxemburg, you know.

Jezza continues:

And needless to say (although the evil hardcore extreme-right-wing-capitalist-media, e.g. the Guardian and the Socialist Work-Wipe may indeed say it), it’s not that, TECHNICALLY, I condone inappropriate acts of what a proportion of individuals may call ‘terrorism’ really-very-much-at-all… Continue Reading


Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Exclusive GlossyNews Interview: Former Trotskyist Jeremy Corbyn! (2/3)

Exclusive GlossyNews Interview: Former Trotskyist Jeremy Corbyn! (2/3)

Last time:

TM: Just change the record, man! You’re boring the arse o’ me, even if you are only a radically tendentious creation of my highly speculative fictional imagination, and not a real person.

Jezza: Well, at least you still HAVE an arse, hm?

One day, if you don’t support us, the capitalists will come and cut off your sorry petty-bourgeois-revisionist arse…

And requisition it and flog it on Ebay or some other undemocratic, top-down, non-cyber-proletarian-controlled neoliberal corporation.

(Or worse still, CAPITALIST corporation!)

Oh and by the way, you know, I think Stalin would just have LOVED Ebay. Continue Reading


Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Exclusive GlossyNews Interview: Former Trotskyist Jeremy Corbyn! (1/3)

Exclusive GlossyNews Interview: Former Trotskyist Jeremy Corbyn! (1/3)

Former Trotskyist, aspiring Social Democrat & edgy Westminster parliamentarian Jeremy Corbyn has agreed to have another objective, impartial interview…

This time, at notable satire outlet Glossy News.

TM: So, we’ll play to your strengths first.

Jezza: Do I have to?

TM: Yes. It’s all in your objective interest. The objective material tendency of this interview is heading in that direction. TINA.

Jezza: That’s very comforting. I know a fellow admirer of the dialectic when I see one. Continue Reading


Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 9

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 9

9/12/2001 – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED – Part 9 (A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The door closed, the room hushed. General Tromsa had an innate feeling as he has had only a few times in his life at critical moments when he intuitively knew that something was about to happen that would leave his life channeled into another direction from what it had been previously.

Cheney walked a few paces ahead of him, then turned and gazed piercingly into his eyes. He knew he was to show this man respect, and he did, but he did not like him.

He recognized him as a powerful person, but also as one who never did anything that did not benefit himself or his own position in life. The General would need to be obliging, but also careful in dealing with the man who had too much power suddenly dropped into his hands.

“General Tromsa, would you be so kind as to sit next to me. This will concern you most of all.” asked Cheney covering up the microphone.

Cheney carefully weighed what he was about to say, choosing a specific tone of voice to carry it over- “Gentlemen, we need a new agency that goes a step beyond what the CIA, the FBI and the NSA does. We need an organization that can watch out for all terrorist threats to this country and specialize on that.“

“Sir, I’m sure the CIA, NSA and FBI can be counted on in those regards. They have many years of experience.” put in General Tromsa.

“The situation is, General, that these rag heads and any of a bunch of other such hoodlums have proven that even cavemen like them can get in and bomb US, (he tapped his chest for effect) that is you and me and that we were in no way ready for it.”

Tromsa could hear the subtle irritation in Cheney’s voice. He knew the man thought of himself as beyond all others in knowledge and regarded even he, a four star general, as a lesser-ling.

“US, General, the people who run this goddamn country! It not like they went after bumfuck Nebraska, they went after us- Washington, New York, the Pentagon; the real nerve centers of the country.

“The people who really run this show. And three weeks ago they got the President of the United States and turned him into sausage. They pulverized the CEO’s of eight corporations at the Twin Towers.

“We need something that will iron clad us, I don’t care how much of the Treasury we have to rob to get it going! Gentlemen, this job will be yours. Of course, I will oversee it and will be the ultimate approver of it.”

“This is a matter I want to make the greatest priority along with finding and eliminating the organization that was behind this attack. Our new agency will be the one to do it.”

Cheney’s eyes shot around the room for any sign of dissent. Not finding any he continued. “I will turn this over to my advisers for questions and answers. I shall return shortly as there are other matters pending that I must attend to.”

“We are going to need a new body to watch out for us. One that embodies and oversees all other intelligence agencies. That is my goal and quest to form that body of intelligence.”

The assembled politicians and military personnel all cast covert looks at each other. Tromsa knew it would be a huge job. He could also see that Cheney was already fully into his role of President. Perhaps he had been for a long time already.

The Senate subcommittee was the next day. It was not as easy going as General Tromsa had been about the previous gathering.

They called the President into a meeting of Senators and Legislators to get down to the meaning of this new organization. Officials from the FBI and CIA were also there.

“The matter is simple- there is no need for another intelligence agency Mr. President. We already have three competent, battle proved agencies whose track record everyone knows.

“We do our job, Mr. President, and frankly, I think we do it very well. There are no shirkers here at the FBI. And I am sure that my colleagues at the CIA can make a similar boast.”

Cheney spoke calmly, little belaying that he was upset by this insubordination.

“As the enemy progresses in sophistication, so must we. We are now dealing on too many fronts with people who would damage us and limit us if they can.

“The CIA and FBI are foremost organizations and, of course, exemplary of what America can produce. But for these new threats we need a new force, a new pair of eyes, different sets of muscle.

“We need an organization that can perceive a threat and take ready action against it. It also cannot be limited by the restraints that the other law agencies must endure. We need an organization that can work around limitations and step in where the other two cannot not.”

“What is the need Mr. President? It would be a huge waste of government funds. The taxpayers have been howling for so long that we are spending too much.”

“I believe the taxpayers are more concerned about what happened at 911 and that this what is crucial on their minds. The American people want to feel safe. The new agency I wish for would concentrate directly on keeping all within our borders safe.”

“At any price, Mr. President?”

“At any price. Safely and security are the top priorities.”

“What will this agency do that the FBI and The CIA cannot do?”

“The new agency, which will be code named ‘Homeland Security’ will be just that. They will exist for that sole purpose- protecting the homeland, America, against all aggressors and all invasions down to the individual.

“They will oversee all incidents relating to internal and national security and they will aggressively eliminate all threats to them. We will begin with installing agents of this organization at all ports of entry to this country to oversee that all persons, luggage and material entering this country will be subject to extreme surveillance so that no threat shall enter these borders be they human or material.

“When they grow more into their roles then they will also be injected into other lands.”

“Sir, I truly believe the two we have already can do that already.

“This new agency will also be overseeing the other two.’

There was a dead silence in the auditorium.

Disbelievingly, Director Micheals spoke. “This Homeland Security will be over seeing the CIA and the FBI?”

“That is correct, Director Micheals.”

His statement lit a spark that now engulfed the room. Angry talk and discussions rolled throughout the air. The Director rose out of his chair in anger. “This is an outrage!

“A fledgling organization, fresh born, will oversee two agencies that have proved themselves in battle over decades! That is an insult! What in the world are you thinking?”

“I have conferred with my aides and they see eye to eye on this. We need an oversight organization.”

“This is a form of treason, President Cheney! This is incredible! Who would this Homeland Security answer to?”

“To me personally.”

“Ahh, I see. To you personally! So that would give you de facto control over all three organizations. How smart! How dictatorial!”

Irritation grew in Cheney’s nerves, giving his eyes a wolf like glow. “It is something that needs to be done, Micheals. We can’t be fooling around with these terrorists. We need to have an iron protection around this country.”

“And that is what you will have Mr. Cheney, an iron control over this country. And I think that is what you want.”

Cheney’s blood pressure was spiking. ‘I am doing what I believe to be necessary for the country, Mr. Micheals. Nothing more.”

Micheals leaned forward in his chair and fastened a direct eye upon the new President. “Tell me something, Mr. Cheney- Were these new terrorists a threat only to our military personnel or to ordinary civilians, would you be going to this much trouble to make a new organization?”

Cheney felt a glowing anger sear through his brain. It was his time for bold faced lying. “I am only doing what I believe necessary to protect the people of this country. I do not see why I need to be condemned for that. I believe our conference has come to an end, gentlemen. Good day.”

A muted gasp went up from many of the reporters assembled followed by angry muttering. Many flashed dark glances at the President as they put together their papers for leaving.

“Good day indeed… “ Muttered Micheals under his breath as he collected his papers in his briefcase and stormed out. The tension in the room was unbearable.

To be continued…

– – – – – – – – – – – –
The entire book of 9/12/2001 is available on


Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary5 Comments

Brewer Slams ‘Racist Asian Governments’ on ‘Eurocentric Curriculum’ Bans (2/2)

Brewer Slams ‘Racist Asian Governments’ on ‘Eurocentric Curriculum’ Bans (2/2)

So, why was Jan Brewer displeased that Myanmar, Saudi Arabia and North Korea have recently banned ‘divisive and Eurocentric curricula?’

FFS! This is sheer anti-white hatred! Now, you may use whatever words you wish, young man!

… Oh wait, a girl? Is that the girl who is actually called Kim?

Oh, she’s a man? Did she get a…

Well, why doesn’t that surprise me! They’re not exactly a leading Christian nation, are they? Nothing would surprise me less! Continue Reading


Posted in Education, Politics0 Comments

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