Tag Archive | "gop"

Opinion: Ted Cruz is right. Why We Should Turn Away Refugees

In the wake of the deadly Isis terrorist attacks on Paris which killed 129 people and wounded hundreds more, the issue of whether or not to continue taking in refugees has divided us here in the United States of America, home of the free, land of the brave.

On Fox News, Senator and Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz said, “President Obama and Hillary Clinton’s idea that we should bring tens of thousands of Syrian Muslim refugees to America—it is nothing less than lunacy. On the other hand Christians who are being targeted for genocide, for persecution, Christians who are being beheaded or crucified, we should be providing safe haven to them. But President Obama refuses to do that.”

Bravo to Senator Cruz for taking such a brave and unpopular stance on such a volatile issue! Read the full story


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics, ReligionismComments (0)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (2/2)

The old story continues:


Uh-uh-uhhh! I am Jeb Bush, and I’m not white.

Forget it! I’m just a standard-issue regular guy, like every one of you. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, PoliticsComments (0)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (1/2)

The achingly well-meaning notable 3.0 du jour has put his foot in it again. Just read his comments at the recent ‘White Community-Black Community GOP Competitive Co-operation 1000 Dollar Dinner’ in the Seattle Hilton.

You know what, I want to address all you black folks somewhere out there in the audience, and thank you all from the bottom of my coffers… uh, my heart.

Because you guys are more or less exactly my kind of people, and I know you just wouldn’t be here if you weren’t supportive of my agenda… uh, my program.

I really mean that, with all my heart. It’s a bit like, well, you remember that achingly sincere video where John McCain congratulated… uh, what’s that guy’s name again? Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, PoliticsComments (0)

GOP God Caucus ‘Patti Smith Cover’ Proves Riot Grrrl Credentials

The GOP’s God Caucus, not to be confused with the voluminous and highly visible, achingly secular GOP majority (about 99% or so!), are keen to prove their feminist credentials once more.

Still, up to now, all their other highly conspicuous social reachouts (let alone their highly non-conspicuous socialist reacharounds!) have been abject failures, so hey…

What’s the worst that can happen?

But unfortunately, Mike Huckabee isn’t participating in the GOP cover version of Patti Smith’s Gloria.

Still, to give all due credit (such as such credit may be), he does think the lyrics are a little provocative and inflammatory, and he doesn’t believe in unnecessarily stirring the s*** in order to cause needless offense.

… As (not-so-non!-)recent events have undoubtedly proven once more!


Jesus judges all your sins but not mine

Socialists are all thieves

Shameless widow tuggin’ at our godly ol’ sleeves

Rebuking with a face like stone

Your selves are my own

You belong to me…


Read the full story


Posted in Music, PoliticsComments (0)

Donald Trump Thanks Glossy News for Our Unwavering Support

I recently did my bit for Donald Trump on The Spoof. But I’m continuing to support him by reprinting my article here! You’ll see in a moment why I’m doing this ;)

Donald Trump has recently expressed his heartfelt gratitude to every single goddamn satire writer on the face of this earth. But why? Well, I think you already know…

Hey! Listen up, you poor, miserable, deluded little satire writers. You guys thought you could make fun of the old Trump here, you thought I was just like all the other guys, right? Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, PoliticsComments (0)

Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (2/2)

Last time:

Ok, so we’ve had the first Black President and the final Democratic President in one go. But our nation has never really had a final Republican President, maybe that’s what we’re missing?


How long do people have to wait? I’m not ashamed to say this is my idea…


Still, you don’t have to have an electric deckchair in your back garden, a taste for shooting innovative cinematic productions, or indeed a love of gunning the hell out of noisy ducks and whiny foxes and… Read the full story


Posted in Music, PoliticsComments (0)

Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (1/2)

Although Rick Perry is not currently in power, some maliciously devious Vast Left-Wing Conspirators™ have unearthed a scandalous document which (they claim) could put paid to Rick Perry’s hopes of running for President.

The text in question threatens to derail not only Perry’s political career, but in addition, promises to ruin any hope of a legendary US President being elected in 2016…

Insofar as these two are possibilities are actually mutually distinguishable, of course.

It looks like the other main GOP candidates are turning on Rick Perry, and attempting to smear and discredit him. Talk about about a Vast Beltway-Mainstream Conspiracy™, huh?! Read the full story


Posted in Music, PoliticsComments (0)

Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (2/2)

Last time:


Not least because they can risk utterly destroying the personal reputation, or worse still, the business reputation of the person undertaking the purported hostile takeover in question.

In fact, that’s pretty much the only problem.

But it’s still a biggie.

Kind of.

Well, from a particular point of view, I guess. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, PoliticsComments (0)

John McCain Wants My Money, Assumes I’m (Fiscally?) Retarded

Oh Johnny Mac, you were once a man of principle. Now you’re not even a man of interest.

With a subject line of “Get out of here, you low-life scum”. Oh this, promises to be great.

What follows from there is an avalan-tsunami-cane of red meat pandering lies. Not the usual half-truths, mind you, but outright lies. Read the full story


Posted in Internets Tubes, PoliticsComments (0)

4 out of 5 Republicans in Anonymous Survey Admit Liking Dick

Support for Dick Cheney and former President George Bush to be prosecuted for torture appear to have fallen faster than an erection in Hillary Clinton’s presence according to inside sources.

Hard numbers from a recent survey revealed that most Republicans still support Dick Cheney as Vice-President, while Barack Obama’s poll numbers have apparently gone flaccid.

In fact, Cheney’s approval numbers continue to remain rock solid despite a spat of spectacular sex scandals that rocked the GOP a decade ago. Nostalgia surrounds Republican Senator Larry Craig’s 2007 arrest in a men’s airport bathroom.

While potentially incriminating on the surface, the Idaho Senator offered a turgid alibi for his behavior, which apparently wasn’t fear of flying.

For those who have slept since then, Craig denied that tapping his right foot, blocking the stall door with his luggage and grabbing the undercover officer’s leg was a signal to engage in lewd behavior.

Craig suggested that he was merely asking for “toilet paper”.

Later providing the arresting officer with a business card that identified him as a senator, Craig does admit that telling the officer, “Excuse me while I whip this out,” may have been a little too suggestive in a men’s room setting. But he refused to apologize for expressing his fondness for Dick.

“Dick made me what I am today,” he allegedly said just before being arrested.

Senator Craig’s encounter was only one in a daisy-chain of events placing prominent Republicans in the dim spot-light of public toilets.

Also in 2007 Florida Republican Bob Allen, a champion of anti-gay legislation and notorious Dick lover, was accused of offering sex to a black, undercover officer in a park restroom because he didn’t “trust him”.

To his credit, at least he didn’t try and shoot him. As if that excuse and $20 isn’t bizarre enough, Allen also sponsored a bill to crack down on soliciting sex in public parks.

If you read between the lines, it’s apparent that Allen is an advocate of just giving it away, rendering the need to solicit a moot point. As for the $20, that apparently was for “stimulating the local economy”.

OK, most people use “Johnson” instead of “local economy” as a euphemism but we can’t really criticize him for that.

When you add other prominent Republicans like Representative Mark Foley and evangelical Ted Haggard to the strange brew of fallen, staunchly anti-gay politicians, you discover the one thing they all have in common: they all like Dick.

Sure, Cheney probably appreciates the support and a variation on the old “I Like Ike” buttons might garner special interest attention. But without the comic genius of Karl Rove, it’s going to be tough to parlay the virtual transformation of the GOP into the “Gay Old Party”.

Only Rove could exploit the biggest piece of political parody since Dave Chappelle portrayed a blind Klan leader who didn’t know he was black.

Of course, some Democrats have demonstrated willingness to reach around…I mean across the aisle and meet the GOP halfway on many issues, especially when it comes to Dick. Dick Cheney has the heart of a Hoover Vacuum cleaner and brings people from many diverse backgrounds together to pound out the tough issues.

For instance, in 2010 Democrat New York Congressman Eric Massa abruptly resigned after only 14 months on the job amid allegations that he sexually harassed an underpaid staff member at a house Massa shared with four other staffers. Using the excuse it was simply a “tickle fight” the embattled Democrat found it unpopular at the time to admit his love of Dick.

Placed in this context, it is absolutely amazing the GOP has survived intact and re-taken both Houses while maintaining the illusion of moral authority. As long as Ted Cruz doesn’t get a Boehner around Rand Paul, it’s likely they’ll continue to hold the high ground on the down low.

“There are only two ways to fix this satirical situation,” snickered, Bill Clinton’s former political strategist James Carville. “Hand jobs to your critics and keep the jerks off the news.”

Clinton himself could not be reached for comment as he was reportedly, “Reorganizing his collection of chubby-chaser jokes from the mid 90’s.” Meanwhile even Hillary reluctantly admitted, “I like Dick ever now and then!”

Most would have sworn she was partial to Bush.


Posted in Politics, Top StoriesComments (3)

GOP Has Perfected Bush/Cheney Clone to Take Over 2016 Election

Republican geneticists have succeeded in their long term project to clone George W. Bush and Dick Cheney into a composite entity to enter into the 2016 Presidential elections.

This modern Frankenstein, born in a petrie dish and reared in secret, has been specially educated and trained to be an unswerving right wing pundit.

It has been modified genetically so that it develops to physical maturity in just a few years. The creature will never reached mental maturity, but that is nothing that the Republicans are not used to. Read the full story


Posted in Science & TechnologizzyComments (2)

A Psalm for the Tea Party

1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want–to talk to liberals.

2) He maketh me lie down in untaxed green pastures: he leadeth me to the clear waters of pro-Gun states where I can shoot deer or thieves as God intended; no libs shall take my guns away.

3) He restoreth our souls to their Constitutional originals; he leadeth us down the righteous right-wing path where no left-leaning wingnuts lie in wait. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, ReligionismComments (0)

Mitch McConnell Totally “¿Amores?” Minority Voters

Another Mitch McConnell campaign video Fact-Checked, another one rated 100% True!, depending on how you feel about beige people.

We’ve already fact-checked his Mitch McConnell Supports Women and Mitch Supports your Big Business of Every size, and found them to be true, so this comes as no surprise. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, Video NewsComments (0)

GOP End of Days Panic: Rick Perry Declares Himself the Anti-Reagan

The GOP is getting worried about outside infiltration and even supernatural omens, as rumor has it that Rick Perry has revealed himself to aides as the literal anti-Reagan.

No need to worry about fire and brimstone, signs in the Heavens, and the standard apocalyptic phenomena which might conceivably be interpreting as heralding the end of days for some Republicans, as you’ll read.

There is a perfectly innocent (well, more-or-less innocent) explanation. Here’s what Rick has to say about the latest development in the War Against Reagan: Read the full story


Posted in Crime, PoliticsComments (2)

Ideas Man Newt Gingrich Finally Solves Fiscal Responsibility Problem

The new Newt Gingrich is re-branding himself as the Ideas Man™ of the Republican Party, but this time he’s outdone even himself with an astonishingly innovative solution.

“You know what, everybody? We all know about the fiscal responsibility problem, and it’s really intractable. Too much dogmatism on both sides, unwillingness to compromise, the whole complexity of the situation. You know I’m no idealist, I’m a practical thinker, not a bookworm. (Ouch!™ fail!). Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

GOP Blames Rise in Lesbianism on Obama Administration

On Tuesday night, President Barack Obama gave his 5th State of the Union address. It was a mixed bag, if you ask anyone who was listening. As usual, Obama failed in his attempt to bring the country to a closer understanding of each other. The GOP response to the SOTU address proved that point.

Putting up a woman to do a man’s job was a ploy the GOP is good at, and they didn’t disappoint this time either. Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers of Washington state delivered the counter-punch to the collective Obama gut Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (6)

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