Archive | Making Headlines

Sharknado Jumps the Shark

Spawns new hackneyed headline.

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Millionaire tricks CNN into stopping its Coverage of Missing Malaysian Plane

Millionaire tricks CNN into stopping its Coverage of Missing Malaysian Plane

Dateline: ATLANTA—Elderly oddball millionaire, Huey Longbottom, shuns the internet and receives all of his news from CNN, but taking no interest in the missing Malaysian plane, which CNN has covered exhaustively for several weeks, Longbottom orchestrated several bizarre spectacles to garner CNN’s attention and entice the news channel to exchange its lead story.
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Guilt-Stricken Woman Slips Husband Antidote

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Plastic Fork Makes Valiant Effort

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Canadians urge Ukrainians to seek Peace through Dullness

Canadians urge Ukrainians to seek Peace through Dullness

Dateline: OTTAWA—Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring, like Canadians.
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Crippling Self-Doubt Prevents Man From Failing at Lifelong Dream

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It’s Official: NJ Governor Chris Christie is a Big, Fat Liar

It’s Official: NJ Governor Chris Christie is a Big, Fat Liar

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Excessive Smog Causes 18 Junk Pile Up on Yangtze River

Chinese boat operators and passengers walk to safety across the polluted Yangtze River.
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Sonic Booms from Kim Kardashian Twerking Destroy Yeezus Tour Equipment

Deafening noise also scares the BeJesus out of the audience. More on this story after Kanye pitches another fit.

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New Trial Medication Causes Positive Thinking in Rats

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Palin Re-appears During Tornado Season, Coincidence? I Think Not!

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Pope Francis Caught Touching Children Appropriately

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Domestic Terrorists Enraged Foreigners are Taking Their Jobs

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Florida Lt. Governor Gives 6 To 1 Odds On Replacement

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Marijuana Laced Brownies Add Extra Field Trip To Elementary Students Schedule

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Pope Selection Leaves Catholics In Same Moral Bind But Better Access To Coke

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