Virginia may ostensibly be for lovers, but recent legislation sought to restrict exactly which kinds of love that could be. Specifically, they wished to ban sodomy.

This would mean no oral varieties or hinterlands sorts, but the bill was struck down. According to this comic, not everyone is happy with the decision, though perhaps not for the reasons you’d imagine. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Capitol Hill is under lockdown after reports that an intoxicated telephone pole hit a pedestrian walking by his position on Constitution Avenue.

The assault allegedly occurred early Saturday morning after a pair of street lamps to the tree’s north and south suddenly shut off, allowing the cover necessary to strike Anthony Goldberg, AIPAC’s senior legal counsel.

Police have managed to chain down the tree, known by other shrubbery as Franklin, and are awaiting a court date to charge him with Growing Under Influence (GUI). Continue Reading

It fortunately went so miraculously well.

A girl held hostage for ten years breaks free of her bonds and manages to get to the door of her captors house.
She yells through the mail slot that she needs help and identifies herself.

A black neighbor hears her cries and helps her break out of the door. With his aid she escapes with her daughter from the house of the man who abused her. She tells him that there are two other women inside also held prisoner. Continue Reading

Is it illegal to deface bills? What if you only deface them invisibly? I have a new hobby, and that is defacing large bills invisibly to humiliate future users of the bills.

They might be embarrassed, they might get a funny look from the bouncer, but at the end of the day, someone is going home with an amazingly funny story to tell someone, whether that’s a girlfriend, boyfriend, or booking officer. Continue Reading

Satire websites have been publishing a very popular conspiracy article concerning the NRA being behind the Boston Marathon bombing as a way to detour attention away from the gun limitation bills that had been going through Congress at the same time.

As is usually the case with such stories, many people tuning into the site take the article seriously and start believing that there really is something going on. Continue Reading

The NRA, fresh from its victory of further controlling American laws by defeating all Congressional bills limiting access to guns of mass destruction, is now looking to further extend its power.

Successfully cowing and buying off Senators involved with the bills, the NRA now wants to expand the range of its control in the U.S.

Now that the future manufacture of assault rifles is secure the NRA must search for other venues to expand its grasp and other weapons of unsuspected mass destruction fit the bill. Continue Reading

NEW YORK CITY – Police are out in force after a grand alliance of idiots and morons took to Times Square to march in support of Mayor Michael Bloomberg and his policies.

Though the protesters already numbered over 40,000 by noon on Tuesday, reinforcements being provided by Ignoramuses Anonymous are expected to double the total by the late evening.

Participants interviewed crowed animatedly when confronted by reporters from Central Central News.

Barney Thomas of Sunnydale, California said, “Hear this as I speak it – this is how history will be written! But there were some who resisted. One last alliance of idiots and morons marching for the Mayor Bloomberg and his policies of maximum freedom for each individual and American!”

The activists are believed to be members of The Grand Idiot and Moron Coalition, a group which describes a tenet of its mission as “To promote radical libertarian policies and limited government that does not infringe on charity or consumption rights.”

When questioned about the groundswell of support, Bloomberg admitted he is puzzled, but nonetheless thrilled. “At last people are beginning to appreciate the glorious sense of belonging in my state of maximum liberty.”

To Liberty On Live correspondent Megyn Tantaros’ question of how he can equate his soda tax and charity donations to libertarianism, Bloomberg gave a sharp response.

“People who give themselves over to my policies are experiencing absolute freedom – from themselves.”

Other sources say Ron Paul is in limbo. And shaking his head.

Washington is ablaze with fury after one of Satan’s lieutenants accidentally leaked the conditions of punishment for TSA agents in Hell, which include cavity searches that never ever end.

Buroz Baliferous, a lower demon who works under Satan in the Department of Purgatory Projects, mistakenly emailed details of how the federal workers are treated when they pass through hell’s front gate after a life of pan-molestation to Congressman Hank Johnson’s office. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to meet the growing diversity of the nation, the Department of Justice has announced changes to physical requirements for FBI special agents which will replace regular running with power walking.

Current requirements for selection make applicants run 1.5 miles in under 11 minutes. Under the new plan, one who can power walk the same distance in approximately an hour will be considered equally capable. Continue Reading

“I don’t want no drug sniffing dogs around here,” said Ms. P. Innuckope (not her real name). “I got nuff trouble with human junkies without them bringing their pets.”

Ms. Innuckope was one of many that were relieved when the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the decision of the Florida Supreme Court to restrict the right of dogs to sniff for drugs in a neighborhood. “Let them junkies do their own damn sniffing,” she remarked. Continue Reading

INDIANAPOLIS – During a routine navigation of the internet Friday, a local man’s Google search for the keywords “Oscar Pistorius murder trial” evolved over the course of 7 minutes into “Reeva Steenkamp Topless.”

Initially looking to gain up-to-the-minute news on the murder trial of South Africa’s famed special Olympian, Indianapolis man James Kinsella subconsciously clicked a related article about Pistorius’ late girlfriend Miss Steenkamp – who the athlete is accused of murdering. Continue Reading

A WOMAN has been arrested after she became ‘ninja-like’ and ‘overly mysterious’ while making dinner to the Batman soundtrack.

Emergency services received a distress call from a very panicked husband at a home in suburban Seattle at around 5:45pm yesterday saying that his wife was going ‘crazy’ whispering with intent “I am Housemom” and chopping vegetables in an aggressive manner. Continue Reading

Members of the press core were violently ejected from the White House yesterday after President Obama went into a fit of rage over the fact that the Constitution prohibits him from killing innocent American citizens.

“It’s not fair! My drone strikes have killed hundreds of Pakistanis in the past four years. At this point, who cares where the targets are, or whether they are brown or not?” Continue Reading

The National Rat Association, an organization created and run by the rat population of the United States of America, is doing a big publicity campaign to disassociate itself from the notorious National Rifle Association who share the same abbreviated initials as them. Continue Reading

This is a point-counterpoint article presented by Brian K. White of GlossyNews.com and Dean Chambers of UnSkewedPolls.com. Should we make welfare drug-free? How do we do it? What are the costs on both sides of the equation? These are just some of the issues we will debate. Continue Reading

The NRA has upped its political game with the acquisition of the Death Star made famous from the Star Wars movie franchise.

Thought to have been totally destroyed following a second massive attack by impudent rebel forces in the third (or is that the sixth?) installment of the series (I always get them confused and so do most normal people (nerds not included in the idea of ‘normal’)) the killer man made planet has apparently been repaired by laid off Lucasfilm engineers able to hobble it back together again. Continue Reading