Archive | Human Interest

NAACP officially changes name

NAACP officially changes name

Baltimore, MD. — In an unexpected, yet timely move, the group formerly known as the NAACP have changed their name to the National Association for the Advancement of African-Americans or NAAAA.

The first meeting of the new group, held yesterday, commenced with the new tradition of “Hail NAAAA.”

When reporters tried to reach out to the Obama administration to discuss this historic day, the president was only half interested. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

Here we go again… and again… and AGAIN™…

NaHum-ism

National Humanitarianism, or NaHum-ism, is what happens when the petty, cruel, vicious, tearful, artificial boundaries that wantonly and cruelly constrain the human spirit are broken down and annihilated with an iron fist.

For, I have sworn an eternal and undying oath, (naturally, one purely context-dependent and pragmatic in character), that we are all just human beings, in the last instance… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

Over here in Euroweenie land, they say about the Hitler-Stalin pact: “Les extrêmes se touchent.”

…Or in Universal Anglo-Esperanto, to wit, the King James of Jesus, Rush Limbaugh, John Kerry and other notable figures (-ish): “Opposites meet.”

So it’s only fair that I let Julian™ give me this sexy little number…

A leak of the new secret GOP/Dem handbook for capturing the narrative on their joint-venture humanitarian imperialist missions… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day

How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day

So you want to break up on Valentine’s Day?

There isn’t any other day of the year more romantic to break up on than Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day, after all, celebrates St. Valentine, a priest who secretly married lovers in Rome during the reign of the ruthless emperor named Claudius II, who had outlawed marriage in order to better recruit soldiers for his army. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks

New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks

The Size of One’s Vehicle is Directly Proportional to the Size of Genitalia

A new study conducted by the National Research Panel has concluded that men who drive large trucks, SUVs, and automobiles have smaller genitalia than men who drive small to medium sized vehicles.

The study, conducted on 350 males nationwide, lasted for three months. For the purpose of the study, the national average genitalia scaled in at 5 1/2 inches. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science0 Comments

Sorry MEN, You Are ALL Sexists (This Time I’m Serious)

Sorry MEN, You Are ALL Sexists (This Time I’m Serious)

The moment I tell you “You’re ALL sexists,” some poor Jeremy is gonna wail out:

“But we’re not AAALLL like thaaat!!!”

But that’s precisely the point.

There’s something very significant about the fact that this is precisely the typical response to the (actually defensible) idea that the problem is “men…” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial1 Comment

Driverless Car Impounded for DUI

Driverless Car Impounded for DUI

One of the Google driverless cars has been pulled over and impounded for driving under the influence of ethanol, according to California Highway Patrol officers.

“The car was speeding down the 5 Freeway at 30 miles over the speed limit and driving in and out of lanes”, said CHP officer Joel Braggin. “When I opened the gas compartment door I could smell the alcohol”.

Peter Innocente, a passenger in the vehicle, was shocked at how the car was behaving. “It wouldn’t let me take the wheel”, a still shaken Innocente declared. “I’m lucky to be alive! I’m gald those cops came when they did!”

Like humans, self-driving cars are required to have no more than .08 alcohol in their systems. Innocente’s vehicle measured a .34. Over 4 times the legal limit.

“I plan on suing the gas station that served him that mixture”, Innocente told Glossy News. “I want to make sure no one else has to deal with this!”

The car has been impounded for a minimum of 30 days and wil lose its registration for at least 5 years. The car itself was unavailable for comment.

“I”m going to get me an old VW Bug and keep it sober!” Innocente declared.

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Repentant Paisley’s Heterophobic Hate Campaign

Repentant Paisley’s Heterophobic Hate Campaign

Disclaimer: Earlier version published on TheSpoof.com. I’ve now come round to a more enlightened view of the sensitive matters in question ;)

Given the passing some months ago of Lord Bannside, it’s only fair that I inform you about one of the last interviews conducted with him…

In order to straighten me out set the record straight. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (2/2)

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (2/2)

Previously, as a non-Muslim, I raised the question of the distinction between a living letter and prophet, and a dead letter and prophet.

And I’m not so much attempting to intrude from the outside of Islam, to set a “program” or “plan” for the religion…

But I am raising some questions that are fairly broad in scope, and no doubt apply to other religions too. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (1/2)

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (1/2)

Disclaimer: This is less “humorous” than my usual work (apart from some cheeky memes!), but is not intended as “po-faced” or “solemn.”

I’m not suggesting a program or plan for Muslims or non-Muslims, satirists or non-satirists.

I’m mainly trying to clarify my own thoughts to myself, posing some very current questions; hoping some individuals, (whoever you may be), may find these ideas intriguing, and worth reflecting upon. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

UK: No, Not All Anti-Fascists Are Equal

UK: No, Not All Anti-Fascists Are Equal

Unparliamentary Fanaticism

The tragic fact is that in the United Kingdom, as in many other countries, there is a fascist presence.

However, fascist parties are fringe organizations; not least in terms of their electoral power.

Yes… over here, it is not merely “bad dinner party conversation” for goose-stepping eagle-polishers to talk about their BNP or National Front membership…

Rather, it is likely to lose them their entire reputation (such as it may be). Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

Seattle, WA-Local employees were abuzz yesterday when something unexpected happened. A good looking guy sporting a smooth beard and one of those cool knit Beanie hats strolled in to order some extra crispy.

“This doesn’t happen here, it just doesn’t,” says Juanita Lopez, who has been manager at the local KFC for almost 3 years. “This is not the clientele we are used to here.” Her subordinates agreed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People1 Comment

Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 2/69: Jizz be Upon Me)

Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 2/69: Jizz be Upon Me)

Tribute

Encore une fois: this one’s for Charlie Hebdo. Nous sommes tous Charlie.

Ok, you’ve heard from the people men of wisdom; to wit, the only people who really understand enlightened fucking erudite fiqh rulings from the inside (pretty damn deep inside… and not just fiqh rulings!).

Yes: clearly, Ayatollah Khomeini either is more sexually enlightened than his depraved and despicable hell-bound haters previously thought… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 1/69: Jizz Be Upon Him)

Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 1/69: Jizz Be Upon Him)

Tribute

This one’s for Charlie Hebdo. Nous sommes tous Charlie.

OK, we all know about the obviously malicious and unproven allegations of gratuitously gratifyingly enlightened fatwas on “I’m-a-sexin’ that damn fine chicken” that have been directed at Imam Love Doctor Friday Night Wonder AYATOLLAH Khomeini. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

“Crack is Whack” is Back (in Black?)

“Crack is Whack” is Back (in Black?)

New York, New York–Drug Abuse Resistance Education, better known as D.A.R.E., has yet another catchy phrase it will soon be rolling out.

“Crack is Whack,” the phrase made famous by Whitney Houston in a Diane Sawyer television interview, will be unveiled as D.A.R.E.’s new slogan. “We feel this will get the kids’ attention and appeal to the younger hipper kids of today.

Just Say No was a simpleton’s approach to warning our youth about the dangers of drugs,” that according to D.A.R.E. spokeswoman Marla Jonesboro. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest1 Comment

Groundbreaking U(KIP)-Turn: Kippers Start Actually Hating Foreigners

Groundbreaking U(KIP)-Turn: Kippers Start Actually Hating Foreigners

Nigel Farage is concerned that his Edgy-Rhetorical-Hobby-Club is hemorrhaging voters.

So His-Most-Exalted-Joe-Blogginess has come up with a plan to stop the rot (if not the moral decay) within his Circle-Jerk-Pet-Peeve-Party:

It seems for some wholly (in-)explicable reason, everybody thinks we are actually racist.

Instead of merely PRETENDING to be racist.

You know, solely in order to get elected… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

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