Archive | Human Interest

Preview for Self-Published Play: “The Great Flâneur Massacre.”

Preview for Self-Published Play: “The Great Flâneur Massacre.”

The TM-sphere has been abuzz with speculation on the novella in quasi-dramatic form that Mr TM is due to self-publish in the near future.

(Well, June, actually. But then, why should Mr TM tell you the exact date at this stage? That would spoil all the fun; or Mr TM’s fun, in any case; which is not an entirely inconsequential consideration, after all).

However, the Malign-Forces-of-International-Creative-Transparency-Fundamentalism may be somewhat disappointed, that Mr TM’s first fairly lengthy work will be released under a pseudonym, and not under his real name. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

The News (Really) Bytes – May 2015

The News (Really) Bytes – May 2015

Cleveland, Ohio Police Chief says that 71 people arrested while protesting the acquittal of a police officer who shot to death two unarmed black drivers was because “a few of them went over the line.”

Of course, shooting two people 137 times is not considered “over the line” by Cleveland authorities.

That is seven bullets more than the Texas law officials used to kill Bonnie and Clyde who WERE armed, had killed 9 law enforcement agents and had twelve guns on them when they were ambushed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Human Interest0 Comments

Long Lost Photo Reveals Titanic Hit a Wahlberg

Long Lost Photo Reveals Titanic Hit a Wahlberg

NEW YORK CITY – A shocking revelation was made this week when a photograph uncovered in the corner of a dusty attic changed the history behind a catastrophic event that took place on the night of April 14th into the morning of April 15th in 1912.

For more than 103 years, it was common knowledge that the large vessel carrying 2,224 passengers and crew had collided with a large iceberg approximately 375 miles (600 km) south of Newfoundland, causing the ship’s hull plates to buckle inwards along the starboard side and allowing water to flow in gradually from the Atlantic Ocean. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science1 Comment

Fifty Shades of White

Fifty Shades of White

When I was first learning how to color in 1st grade, my art teacher taught us about red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black and white. Pretty much all the colors I’ve needed ever since.

Then I got my first box of 64 Crayola crayons. It blew my mind. So many colors I had never imagined. One called Reddish Orange. Another one called Orangish Red.

And Indian Red, which I could not in clear conscience draw with until they renamed it Native American Red. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Human Interest0 Comments

Decidophobic Man Unable to Dismiss Completed Calendar Task Involving Ex-Girlfriend

Decidophobic Man Unable to Dismiss Completed Calendar Task Involving Ex-Girlfriend

Wilbur, Kansas – 29-year-old Marketing Manager, Larry Rossgarden, has considered himself to be a procrastinator since his college days at the University of Kansas, where he would consistently delay writing papers and studying for exams until literally minutes before they were due or set to occur.

Since then, his bad habit has gotten him kicked out of school, fired from 23 different jobs and resulted in the termination of a longstanding relationship with his college sweetheart, Lisa Janks. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

New Dog Treat Introduced in Honor of Ghostbusters Reboot

New Dog Treat Introduced in Honor of Ghostbusters Reboot

St. Louis, Missouri – As the newest Ghostbusters film comes closer to fruition, more and more companies are releasing products that, in thought, will appeal to the everyday consumer who doubles as a Ghostbusterian.

The latest household name to join in on the ghost hunt? The Nestlé Purina PetCare Company with an innovative treat, featuring a new take on their original Beggin’ Strips that have gone unchanged since they debuted in 1993.

The new product, known as Bagans Strips, are still catered towards dogs and are named after the late TV star and former host of the Travel Channel series, Ghost Adventurers, Zak Bagans. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Talky Pictures0 Comments

Welcome to CatMatch.com

Welcome to CatMatch.com

Exciting news from Match.com, the world’s largest online match-making service. Since our launch in 1995, our goal has been to help men and women find their perfect someone. To date we have found matches for several million people – and successful matches for over 50 of them.

But why should humans be the only ones supported in finding their soulmates? That’s why we are proud to announce our newest service: CatMatch.com, the first online matchmaking service for cats. No longer will your favorite feline need to prowl the alley for a suitable mate. Check out some of our hottest kitties and subscribe your cat today. Who knows? Perhaps the kitten she’ll be smitten by is just a mouse click away.

Catmatch - DustyDusty7045 – 11-year old female, Portland, OR
Seeking male kitty for spooning on couch and cleaning fur

ABOUT ME

Relationship: Single – one owner.
Body type: Furry, light shedder – mostly on my master’s pillow.
Have kids? Yes, four, but they all disappeared at 8 weeks and I have no idea where they went.
Litter box trained? Absolutely! (But sometimes I forget when I’m tired.)
Favorite hobbies: Chasing red laser pointers, licking myself in my privates.
Favorite food: Ants, dust, rubber bands – pretty much anything I find on the kitchen floor. Oh, and my own vomit. But no one else’s – that would be gross!

More about me: If you like curling up on the bed for 18 – 20 hours a day, I may be just your girl. But don’t ask me to go outside. It looks terrifying out there.

Catmatch - GizmoGizmo2996 – 8-year old male, El Paso, TX
Seeking submissive female who won’t bug me

ABOUT ME

Relationship: Single – one owner but I just ignore him.
Body type: Rock hard abs. If you don’t believe me, just test me.
Have kids? Probably. Who knows? Who cares? Once the dirty deed is done, it’s not my problem, you know what I’m sayin’?
Litter box trained? Nope. Nobody tells me where I can and can’t take a piss. I make my own rules, honey.
Favorite hobbies: Beating the crap out of any neighborhood cat that dares to step foot on my yard.
Favorite food: Steak, pizza, pretty much anything I find on my owner’s dinner plate after he passes out in a drunken stupor. And the occasional mouse head.

More about me: Neutered? Do I look like I’m neutered? If you’re looking for a kitty to curl up next to you, I suggest you hit on Dusty up above. But if you’re willing to leave me alone and bring me a dead mouse now and then, I might let you hang out.

Catmatch - PrincessPrincessFuzzyFace984 – 6-year old female, Cherry Hill, NJ
Seeking male kitty willing to pamper me

ABOUT ME

Relationship: It’s complicated. Nobody dares call themselves my “owner”.
Body type: Just look at my fur coat. If you guessed Armani, you’re right.
Have kids? Are you kidding? With a body like mine, who has time for kids?
Litter box trained? I am shocked you even ask. Where are your manners?
Favorite hobbies: Being patted on my tummy, my chin, and behind my ears. Oh, and coughing up furballs after I preen.
Favorite food: Anything from the gourmet food aisle. Only fresh tuna or steak tartare pour moi.

More about me: I am used to the finer things in life. My own bed, my own chaise lounge for sunning on the deck. I wear a bejeweled collar. But I refuse to let anyone dress me up in a ladybug costume.

Catmatch - ZeusZeus6798 – 16-year old male, Sioux Falls, SD
Seeking a remote control and a beer

ABOUT ME

Relationship: Single – one owner but we have an agreement – you don’t bother me; I won’t bother you.
Body type: Not really sure since I can’t see past my belly. Does that make me fat? Yeah, I’m guessin’ I’m fat. Big deal.
Have kids? Probably somewhere. But that was a long time ago. And I don’t have opposable thumbs so it’s not like I can write them to ask how they’re doing.
Litter box trained? If it’s placed within a foot of wherever I’m resting, then I’ll give it a shot. Otherwise, nah, not really.
Favorite hobbies: See the picture? I’m doing it. Pretty much a one-trick pony, I’m afraid.
Favorite food: Not really too picky, just so long as I don’t have to hunt for my meal. Look at this body – it hasn’t hunted since Friends was on the tube.

More about me: I’m not what you would call the adventurous type. Just put me in front of a large screen, turn on any channel, and I’m good. I really like that Fish Tank channel. Could watch that for days.

Catmatch - CupcakeCupcake1573 – 12-week old old female, Akron, OH
Seeking kitty in the mirror to be my playmate. He’s so funny.

ABOUT ME

Relationship: That’s a big, fancy word. What does it mean?
Body type: Adorable. At least that’s what my master tells me.
Have kids? Aren’t I too little to have kittens of my own?
Litter box trained? Not yet, but I’m working on it. My owner keeps spraying me in the face whenever I make a poopy in the living room.
Favorite hobbies: Chasing my tail, getting stuck in funny places like the bathroom sink, and falling asleep in adorably cute positions.
Favorite food: Buttons, gum, tape, shoelaces, dirt, or anything shiny.

More about me: I like to play and play all day long. I wonder what happens if I tip over that vase? Um, a little help please outta this waste basket. I think I’m stuck. Oops. I just spit up a plant. I wonder if I can get inside this shoe. Where did that kitty in the mirror go? zzzzzzzzzz

Some pretty exciting kitties looking for a special someone to nuzzle up next to. So what are you waiting for? Subscribe to CatMatch.com today and find your PURR-fect match.

Coming in summer 2015: Match.com – Bovine Edition.

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Posted in Entertainment, Human Interest, Top Stories1 Comment

Oregon Man Successfully Hides Chin from Wife

Oregon Man Successfully Hides Chin from Wife

Portland, OR—The vanity of the world is reaching new heights, or should I say lows.

Recently in the news, a Korean husband divorced his wife when she birthed an ugly child, an Indian woman left her husband when she discovered he couldn’t spell, and a Mexican man, hell-bent on singlehandedly populating the world, abandoned his wife when he learned she was secretly using birth control. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

What Happens When a Satirist Feels Uncomfortable at the Satire of Others?

What Happens When a Satirist Feels Uncomfortable at the Satire of Others?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I can’t seem do the links correctly for these (in bold) Tried using wordpress function, but trial run was unsatisfactory. Please do them for me?

EDITOR’S NOTE: No problem. Now I just have to figure out how to delete these damn notes to each other here up top.

At the risk of egregious flattery to my colleagues, my favorite satire outlet I write for is Glossynews. And I once wrote the following piece, which actually means a lot to me. [a href=”http://glossynews.com/entertainment/television/201410120242/autistic-savants-inspiring-says-cable-tv-diversity-pimp/”>It is THIS one.

This piece is a little “close to home.” I later read it at the Creative Writing Society at King’s College London, during Disability History Month. I believe there were signs of amusement; this was the very first “fake news” satire piece I had read at the Society.

Shortly after, however, I found out that someone (JihadTimes) had written also written a piece on Glossynews called:

ISIS the Autistic Brother of Al Qaeda

Upon reading this piece, I felt vaguely uncomfortable; although I certainly didn’t “throw my rattle out of the pram” (!) The humor appeared obscure and impenetrable to me, and I was already aware (of course) of some existing odd or unusual usages of the word “autism” in a broader context in the English-speaking world.

By the way, as an entirely un/necessary savant digression, I have heard elsewhere of an “autistic economy,” and at least one curious reference to “autistic” as an adjective in “An Austrian Perspective on the History of Economic Thought,” by the brilliant but erratic Murray N. Rothbard.

Actually, given the peculiar cottage-industry of speculative, amateur diagnoses of Asperger’s, I am almost tempted… ;)

… Well, if anyone is entitled to do that, I am! And it’s plausible enough, after all… you know what they say about those influenced to some extent by right-libertarian thought

(Don’t ask me to explain what a bleeding-heart-post-humanist-libertarian™ is, or I’ll be here all day, as I’m a un/fairly garrulous person)…

Still, on a more serious, or at least po-faced note, I did find the article disturbing.

But later, I reflected on my reception of the article. Isn’t satire supposed to be ambivalent? Is satire normally “right” or “wrong,” or is it more amoral than (im/)moral?

Actually, I do believe that it is very rare indeed for satire to be “wrong,” regardless of the ethical criteria. As regards immorality, one could perhaps speak about Nazi or Wahhabi caricatures of Jewish people, or the portrayal of “class enemies” in some periods of Communist history.

But there is partly a question of definition here; are such distortions “satire” or something else? Either way, in the UK (where I live), or the USA (where two articles mentioned above were published), one could hardly compare the function of internet satire, generally speaking, to the more brutal examples of “humor” just cited.

Yet, ultimately, I consider the piece on ISIS a compliment. The fact is that the author of the piece in question did not patronize me; they did not “spare the feelings” of any individuals at Glossynews who might or might not have Asperger’s Syndrome or autism.

Whether or not the person in question knew or not (whoever they are), I am deeply moved that they felt at liberty to take the risk they took. I would far rather they were prepared to take that risk, than walk on eggshells around me.

To speak more poignantly:

I once knew someone who was (I believe) utterly incapable of humoring me. That person has had a tremendous impact on my life, and enriched it immeasurably. And although it was not to be, and I have been in mourning for a long time, for what I and we have lost, I will never forget the beauty and the joy of sitting face to face with someone who could never ever speak to me otherwise than directly. As someone with Asperger’s, I have never known such a thing again, and probably never will.

For some of us with Asperger’s, we get used to people being polite, perhaps because (at least earlier in our lives, when our symptoms may be more pronounced), others may not know how to respond.

But the person of whom I speak was different. This person was not merely unwilling to humor me; I am tempted to say that it would not even cross their mind, although that is a dangerous speculation. And I will never forget, and I will never regret.

The reason I make this point is that on a very different level, it was great to see someone write an article that could be considered “offensive” to autistic people. It was a great thing, precisely because, in a funny kind of way, I was being treated as an equal, and not as someone of less worth.

For, to be treated “specially,” to be some kind of “holy fool” up on his or her cloud, pristine and heavenly, and to be liberated (and hence) deprived of all humor, mockery or satire; whether monological sneering or dialogical banter; this would be hell on earth.

For, I cannot afford to be oblivious to how if I lose the one-way humor, I may also lose the two-way humor.

And, of course, the one-way/two-way distinction itself is problematic. For, even though I found myself unable to laugh at the article I have spoken of, I would say that I also participated in the humour, insofar as, even without laughing, I gave it my blessing.

Not that the satirist in question required my blessing; rather as the truth needs no defence, neither does humour or satire. No one needs an endorsement from me in order to satirize autism, Asperger’s or disability.

Still, I will draw a (somewhat loose) analogy. In many countries, women are free to marry whoever they wish, and yet in a church or perhaps other religious wedding, there will still be something like a “giving away” of the bride.

Nowadays, such a custom is not intended to imply that the woman is the property of her father, brother or whoever; but it represents a kind of good will and blessing that, although not strictly required for a free individual, is something that is healing to give. It is not to be bestowed (via “conspicuous benevolence,” as I call it); but to give as a free gift, in love; unasked and unflaunted.

And the same applies to the covenant between the many individual satirists in our world.

But of course, I’m not implying the existence of a monolithic “satirist community;” please don’t be giving assimilationist political parties any ideas! ;)

Anyway, I just added a (not so) new core principle to my semi(non-)ironic “Confession of Faith on my academic blog :

“The day you can no longer laugh at yourself; that is the day you know they have finally won.
This is the thread on which all my laws and prophecies hang.”

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

NEW YORK – Guido da Vinci had always wondered how there could so much extra virgin olive oil in supermarkets across the world.

“I mean wherever I went in the world, I could find extra virgin olive oil. A lot of it. Finally, I thought: how could this be?”

“So I did some research on the internet. And I found that more than two-thirds of olive oil that is labeled as extra virgin isn’t really extra virgin. Some of it may be virgin, but lots of it isn’t virgin at all!” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science0 Comments

Guy Who Screams “IF ONLY YOU KNEW HOW THEY FEEL!” Actually Doesn’t.

Guy Who Screams “IF ONLY YOU KNEW HOW THEY FEEL!” Actually Doesn’t.

Sexually frustrated loudmouth, Humbert Hegel, is a very vocal coffee-break-emancipator at a certain academic institution.

But what’s the one thing everyone loves about Humbert?

…Apart from his being so damn interdisciplinary that there’s NOTHING IN THIS WORLD about which he’s not an unquestionable and unqualified unqualifiedly infallible expert? Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

UKIP’s Tarquin: Idle Woman Bishops, Naughty Un-British Weather

UKIP’s Tarquin: Idle Woman Bishops, Naughty Un-British Weather

Disclaimer: First of all, in the name of the scrupulous and unquestionable (or maybe just unquestionable) media integrity that has made Britain “Great…”

Sorry, erm, really crap, actually …

Well, I republish my original article (from dailybull.co.uk) WITHOUT ANY ORWELLIAN TAMPERING WHATSOEVER. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics1 Comment

Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

Disclaimer:

I have tried to write an alternative to Elvis Costello’s “Oliver’s Army,” under parody and fair use, as a tribute to Costello’s song.

As someone from Northern Ireland, my reading of the original song is that in in times of armed conflict, practically no-one gains anything.

No disrespect to Elvis Costello and the Attractions, or any other form of presumption, is intended. I also do not anticipate or imply any endorsement, criticism, or other value judgment on the part of the original song writers and performers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Music0 Comments

NAACP officially changes name

NAACP officially changes name

Baltimore, MD. — In an unexpected, yet timely move, the group formerly known as the NAACP have changed their name to the National Association for the Advancement of African-Americans or NAAAA.

The first meeting of the new group, held yesterday, commenced with the new tradition of “Hail NAAAA.”

When reporters tried to reach out to the Obama administration to discuss this historic day, the president was only half interested. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)

Here we go again… and again… and AGAIN™…

NaHum-ism

National Humanitarianism, or NaHum-ism, is what happens when the petty, cruel, vicious, tearful, artificial boundaries that wantonly and cruelly constrain the human spirit are broken down and annihilated with an iron fist.

For, I have sworn an eternal and undying oath, (naturally, one purely context-dependent and pragmatic in character), that we are all just human beings, in the last instance… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)

Over here in Euroweenie land, they say about the Hitler-Stalin pact: “Les extrêmes se touchent.”

…Or in Universal Anglo-Esperanto, to wit, the King James of Jesus, Rush Limbaugh, John Kerry and other notable figures (-ish): “Opposites meet.”

So it’s only fair that I let Julian™ give me this sexy little number…

A leak of the new secret GOP/Dem handbook for capturing the narrative on their joint-venture humanitarian imperialist missions… Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

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