Archive | Human Interest

Coloradoans Now Even Bigger A**holes Since Start Of Legalized Pot

Coloradoans Now Even Bigger A**holes Since Start Of Legalized Pot

The wonder mellower-outer cannabis, always said to have a positive, tranquilizing affect on its users, has unfortunately not had such an effect on the normally ego-centered Coloradoans who recently legalized use of it.

“Criminy,” said Jim Bames, over the road trucker who delivers freight from Kansas to Colorado regularly “I thought that stuff was supposed to mellow you out! Why them guys now are worse than ever. They was plain old jerks before. Now that they’s smoked up they’s is now super jerks!” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Human Interest0 Comments

Cat Owners Have Hissy Fit Over New Ice Bucket Challenge

Cat Owners Have Hissy Fit Over New Ice Bucket Challenge

A new twist on the popular Facebook Ice Bucket Challenge, which raises money for Lou Gehrig’s Disease, has animal rights activists up in arms, legs and paws alike.

The trend, which started amongst celebrities and athletes and spread to Facebook, involves the participants dumping a bucket of ice or ice water over their heads and posting a video of it online to openly challenge their friends and foes to do the same. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Society34 Comments

Man Ordering Drink With Meal Undoubtedly Reincarnation Of Gluttonous Roman Emperor

Man Ordering Drink With Meal Undoubtedly Reincarnation Of Gluttonous Roman Emperor

BETHESDA, MD—In an obscene display of wanton excess, local restaurant patron Don Mayhew stunned onlookers as he openly indulged himself in the extravagance of a soft drink along with his meal, disdainfully eschewing the common man’s glass of ice water.

Witnesses reported the hedonistic Mayhew’s request of a Diet Coke drew immediate comparisons to Emperor Aulus Vitellius (AD 15-69), the infamously gluttonous Roman ruler, even convincing some that he was the very reincarnation of him. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

The Price That Makes A Joke Of All Life

The Price That Makes A Joke Of All Life

Just how much is to be expected out of a human in this so-called great United States of America of ours?

My mother worked hard all her life, either raising four children in a rat-assed Midwest dying industrial town or living her lonely life after the ugly divorce from a man who had been unfaithful once the kids were grown and gone.

At a certain time there should be a period of rest and retirement in ones life, or at least it was that way in the America she grew up in in the 30′s and 40′s. She ended up working until shortly before her death at the age of 82. And that is having to work HARD. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary0 Comments

This Old Man Arrested On Ten Counts of Child Molestation

This Old Man Arrested On Ten Counts of Child Molestation

72 year old Gunther Schnell was arrested this afternoon for 10 counts of child sexual molestation after it was revealed he was performing “knick knack” on various parts of children’s bodies.

“Currently we have ten victims”, said arresting officer John Schmidt. “It would appear Mr. Schnell performed this atrocity on everything from a little girls thumb to the sexual organs of both boys and girls”.

It would appear Schnell kept the children quiet by threatening to “paddy whack” them if they told their parents. He even kept his dog quiet by giving him a bone after the dog witnessed each encounter.

The first victim, a 5 year old gitrl, said Schnell said he played knick knack for several hours on her thumb.

Schell’s fifth victim revealed he played “knick knack on her hive” which would indicate her vagina.

The sixth victim was a little boy who stated that Schnell played “knick knack on my stick”, indicating his penis.

Law enforcement authorities say Schnell may be facing up to 30 years behind bars which, given his age, will probably mean life.

“If he gets out of prison alive we can rest assured this old man will be in a wheelchair and come rolling home!” said officer Schmidt.

Share

Posted in Human Interest5 Comments

Miracle Whip Forsakes Forlorn Food Gobbler

Miracle Whip Forsakes Forlorn Food Gobbler

Kraft, purveyor of many fine foods and some others a bit on the course side. To me, they’re the makers of Miracle Whip, and the miracles were nothing short of canonization-worthy.

Yes, I’m talking about the now-discontinued dipping and sammy sauces that performed condimental magic on fries, sandwiches and anything else that needed some sassy, bloomin’ love. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Biz News, Human Interest1 Comment

New Pet Food Triggers Outrage; Breadsticks for Kim Jong-un?

New Pet Food Triggers Outrage; Breadsticks for Kim Jong-un?

Damascus, Iowa – A new line of products released by Pet Food Enterprises, Inc., that was intended to provide humor and admiration over the recent extinction of Olive Garden restaurants and the late breadsticks offered complimentary with the purchase of any entrée, has completely backfired. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Science & Technologizzy4 Comments

Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for decades. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out

“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out

Rio Linda, CA – People have excuses for everything. For years, kids have notoriously used the well-known excuse, “My dog ate my homework”, when wanting to excuse why they didn’t do their homework. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Society2 Comments

After Botched Execution, Oklahoma Replaces Lethal Injection with “Death by Dumbo”

After Botched Execution, Oklahoma Replaces Lethal Injection with “Death by Dumbo”

Following the “incomplete” execution of Clayton Locket in Oklahoma earlier this month, the Oklahoma legislature has voted to replace lethal injection with “Death by Dumbo”.

Dumbo, a rogue circus elephant convicted of killing his long time handler in the late 90’s, is slated to become the state’s newest executioner. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Society1 Comment

Media Hungry Johnny Manziel says, “I’m Gay Too!”

Media Hungry Johnny Manziel says, “I’m Gay Too!”

Not to be shown up in this year’s NFL’s draft, Johnny Manziel, aka Johnny Football has announced that he’s gay too.

After the media frenzy over the St. Louis Rams drafting the first openly gay football player Michael Sam, Manziel attempted to grab back the spotlight by screaming to the presses, “I’m gay too!” while dining out with a beautiful brunette whom he claimed was his sister and definitely not one of his many alleged girlfriends. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Sports4 Comments

Ask Dink: Man Asked to Share Feelings

Ask Dink: Man Asked to Share Feelings

Dear Dink,

According to my fiancée I am having a problem with my feelings.

She will often ask what I am thinking. She says she wants to know what I am feeling, and she often gets angry when I can’t give her a 2 hour speech about what I am feeling.

I know most women are like this, but what the hell am I supposed to do? Short of crying, I thought I have shared my thoughts and feelings pretty well with her in the past. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned

Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned

Reading, Pennsylvania – At least one professional is dumbfounded following the completion of two transactions between neighbors in the dorms of Albright College on North 13th Street.

Students Sean Chaigarvsky and Michael Kellner have lived next to one another for less than a year, but recently exchanged a tool with a cross-shaped tip as part of an initiative to fix a loose bedpost.

“It really was not that complicated,” Chaigarvsky stated to reporters who were interested in the motivation behind the transaction. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Society1 Comment

Pothole Filled! DeSean Jackson Gypped?

Pothole Filled! DeSean Jackson Gypped?

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – In response to the demand of residents living on Broad Street in Center City, Mayor Michael Nutter has filled a giant pothole, while simultaneously taking a step forward in a city-wide effort to legalize marijuana.

“Today, Philadelphia has filled a deep void with a banned substance that will soon be legalized and utilized by residents throughout the city for medical and recreational purposes,” said Mayor Nutter, while biting into a brownie with noticeable chunks of green, leafy material spewing from its edges. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Society1 Comment

Douch-Dad Doesn’t Arrive to Daughter’s Ballet Recital; Vagina Syndrome Suspected

Douch-Dad Doesn’t Arrive to Daughter’s Ballet Recital; Vagina Syndrome Suspected

A stereotypical middle class Caucasian father, owner of three adorable children is still being a huge douchebag by not arriving to his little girl’s ballet recital which begins at 4 pm.

When asked on who was going to arrive to pick her up, the angel of cuteness replied, “I-dunno.” Frank, a Texan citizen who is allergic to cuteness, passed away when the headline made way to his town. All friends and family mourn for his loss and blame douchebag dad. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size

Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size

LAKEWOOD, OH—Jeffery Miller, a car mechanic based in the Cleveland area, is reportedly happy with the length, girth, and performance of his penis.

“Yeah, it’s pretty good, I guess,” says Miller, 36. “I’ve never had any problems with it, and my wife seems to like it all right.”

According to The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the average American penis stands 5.6 inches when erect. Miller claims his penis is “around 6 inches,” though other data suggests his trouser schnauzer is closer to 5.2 inches. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Human Interest13 Comments

Page 1 of 2112345...1020...Last »
Check out our friends:
Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Glossy News Epic Mini Golf Trailer
(Comment on this video here)
-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

7 posts
7 posts
2 posts
2 posts
2 posts
1 post


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial