Comedians Debate the Nature of Satire

Dateline: MONTREAL—Comedians gathered around an enormous round table at the World Comedy Festival to try to answer once and for all the perennial question of whether satire is supposed to be serious or funny.

According to the comedian Lawrence Flappapuss, satire is mainly about making people laugh. “Satirists make fun of things, so satire’s got to be funny,” he said. “Satire should be as funny as physical comedy. That’s why I combine the two in my act.”
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Where Have All the Santas Gone? (Comic)

You remember all those wonderful Santas you met as a child. They were kind, courteous, gracious, patient and loving. But, at least according to this cartoon, they all have on big thing in common.

Click on the image to see it full-size.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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Business Lesson #83: What to do when your customers complain

Corporations do a lot of things well, but one thing that some of them could use a little help with is how to say I’m sorry when they screw up. Historically, like George Bush, most companies are not very good at saying “I’m sorry. I screwed up.”

Recently some very familiar names have been getting a lot of practice in the fine art of the apology: Toyota, BP, Goldman Sachs, Apple Computers, anyone who has ever held public office in the state of Louisiana, and for anyone in Seattle who follows baseball, the 2013 Seattle Mariners. You see, corporations aren’t perfect. They’re human, just like you and me (at least according to the U.S. Supreme Court). Read more Business Lesson #83: What to do when your customers complain

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Humans Have Rights. Why Not Pets? (comic)

Just looking back in American history, there was a time (quite recently!) when women were denied the vote. There were also times with poll taxes and other efforts to disqualify votes, but only as recent as 2012.

Not to diminish those situations (nope, I welcome the discussion in the comments, because I’m with you,) but why not let pets have some right too? PETA would like to empower and respect the animals. They’re not wrong, frankly. Read more Humans Have Rights. Why Not Pets? (comic)

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Study: Indoor Cats Also Present Owners w/ Gifts (comic)

Indoor/outdoor cats are famous for bringing back trophies to their owners. Maybe it’s a dead bird, a half-eaten squirrel, or just a random noun from the yard, like bark or a tattered bit of tennis ball.

A recent study has found that even cats living exclusively indoors can present prizes to their owners, but much like the assorted trash or carcii the outdoor tabbies deliver, it’s also far from welcome. Read more Study: Indoor Cats Also Present Owners w/ Gifts (comic)

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Allegedly Girthy Guys Refuse Fact-Check, Obviously (comic)

The overwhelming majority of us guys know that we’re between 6-10 inches in length, and we all swear it has nothing to do with the fact that women wouldn’t recognize a foot if it was stuffed into their own shoes.

This cartoon takes it a step further. What if your hot, beloved girlfriend or wife was a researcher looking to quantify the exactitudes of penis dimensions and performance… yeah, you’d opt out. Sorry honey, it’s for the preservation of our manhood. Read more Allegedly Girthy Guys Refuse Fact-Check, Obviously (comic)

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Immigrants: Stop Stealing out Lowly Paid, Terrible Jobs No One Wants (comic)

We hear too often about immigrants “stealing our jobs,” but without enough context. Back east there are states that have passed strict anti-immigrant laws, and the tomatoes have rotted in the field with no one to pick them.

So maybe there’s a middle ground to be found on such matters… well, as a north-western satirist, it’s beyond my pay grade to say what’s right or wrong in the sickly, disgusting and detestable deep south. But I can say what they’re doing now doesn’t work. Read more Immigrants: Stop Stealing out Lowly Paid, Terrible Jobs No One Wants (comic)

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Men Admit the Number One Thing They Love in Women (comic)

We’ve all been there, maybe not quite this explicitly, but the sentiments still remain. The vast majority of men love women, all women, in ways they can’t describe… at least, not out loud.

Guys, we can pretend to be gentlemen all we want, but when the rubber meets the road, or whatever place it is that one’s rubber might meet, you have to learn that sometimes it’s okay to shut your damn pie hole. Read more Men Admit the Number One Thing They Love in Women (comic)

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Artist Refuses to Admit Art is Terrible (comic)

Okay, you guys have given me enough grief. No, these creatures don’t look like cats, but come on, I have no background in art. I’m the humor guy… oh, I’m not funny either? Well bummer for me.

Even the cats themselves can admit when they’re not as pretty as they should be. Take some comfort in that, because it’s a tacit de-facto admission of my lack of skillz. You win, interwebz. You win. Read more Artist Refuses to Admit Art is Terrible (comic)

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Dog Escapes Yard, Discovers Nothing (comic)

Dogs seem so happy in the yard. All those chew toys and balls to play with, but it doesn’t stop them from burrowing under fences in search of greener, or in this case, identical pastures.

I’m not saying dogs are dumb. I’m saying they’re adorable. They’re like children who never learn to talk and die in their teens. Pretty much ideal, really. Read more Dog Escapes Yard, Discovers Nothing (comic)

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I Judge You By Your Ignorant Font Choice (comic)

More than a decade ago, I saw a stupid sign with a stupid, stupid font. I judged them, pointed it out to my friend, and we shared a laugh… then this week I saw it again. Same stupid 90s font, same exact scenario.

Come on, amateur car dealers, we judge you for your terrible choices in fonts. This is Seattle, we’re a tech city, if there’s one thing we learned just after figuring out what a computer is, it was what makes for a good font choice. Read more I Judge You By Your Ignorant Font Choice (comic)

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Specialty Cats Bred Exclusively to be Creepy (comic)

If you’ve ever dated a girl with a cat, it’s likely you know how creepy and personal they can be all up in your business. If you’ve ever dated a woman with six cats, it’s likely you were doing charity work, and that you were the first woman in ten years she’d make it to second base with.

Cats are funny, fickle creatures. They know how to get in your head and they know how to creep you out. Sometimes it’s by jamming the kitty-star in your mouth while you’re watching TV. Sometimes it’s by watching you while you pee, shower, check them for ticks, or masturbate. Yes, they watch you, and with great intent. Read more Specialty Cats Bred Exclusively to be Creepy (comic)

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Long-Term Unemployed Go Back for Degree, Pointless (comic)

This was originally written with the genders reversed, so don’t hate on me, bro or bro-sis. It’s recycled art, so I switched genders based strictly on where they were standing.

The long-term unemployment problem of our youth is seriously problematic. In part because X, but also because of Y, not to even mention Z, which is likely the biggest factor of all. Read more Long-Term Unemployed Go Back for Degree, Pointless (comic)

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Even Dogs Can Be Politically Correct (comic)

Political Correctness is pretty annoying at times. Maybe I grew up in a different time, but why can’t I call a Dutchman a clog-stomping windmill-gypsy? And why can’t I call gypsies Greasy Dutchmen?

Well dogs learn from us and our pets are largely on the same page. I could ruin the joke for you, but I’m just not in the mood. So please to enjoy. Read more Even Dogs Can Be Politically Correct (comic)

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If Your Girl Feels Down, Make Her Feel Important (comic)

Come on guys, we’ve all been there. Your girl is feeling down, you want to be supportive and encouraging, but sometimes your animalistic male nature takes over and you just have to be yourself for a minute.

We all get down sometimes, but when your girl gets down, that doesn’t mean she wants to “get down” with you to make it all better. Sure, it cures almost all ails that woe us dudes, but chicks are tricky, and well they should be, they’re totally worth it. Read more If Your Girl Feels Down, Make Her Feel Important (comic)

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Cat-Rehab Clinics Sprouting Up Around the Nation (comic)

Addiction is no laughing matter. I tried to get high with my cat the other day, but the Nip we bought was apparently bunk, since it did nothing but give me a bit of a headache. Then I look over, and he’s saaaaailing. Guess it half-worked.

But what happens when Snuggums takes one hit too many? What happens when he goes from adorable, goofy furball rolling on the carpet, to evil, addicted killing machine? Read more Cat-Rehab Clinics Sprouting Up Around the Nation (comic)

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Dog Admits Why He Really Loves His Owner (comic)

If you think you know why your dog LIKES you, you’re probably right. If you think you know why your dog LOVES you, you’re likely awfully, awfully wrong.

Dogs are simple creatures. They know love, fear, rage and satisfaction… what they don’t know could fill a library, much as it could with a human, but a solid 1% less. Read more Dog Admits Why He Really Loves His Owner (comic)

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