Results of a new study completed by Grove City College suggest self-identifying libertarians like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) relationships more than their opposites on the political spectrum: the fascists.

Out of the 10000 people polled (split 50-50 between both ideologies), the libertarian column came up with an 89 percent appreciation rate for such relationships, whilst the fascists registered at only 48 percent. Continue Reading

I bought a bag of dried ghost peppers from World Spice Market in Seattle last month and decided to try some different recipes with it. Ghost Pepper infused vodka, however, was a terrible, terrible idea.

I soaked two full ghost peppers in a 375ml (pint) bottle for about a week. The vodka turned a dark yellow, almost orange, but didn’t smell like anything in particular. Continue Reading

The suicide rate among middle-aged Americans was much higher in the previous two months than the government first estimated. The suicides reduced the unemployment rate from 7.6 percent to a four-year low of 7.5 percent.

The report from the United States Department of Labor was a reassuring sign that the U.S. job market is improving despite government budget cuts, ill-timed tax increases, and suicide prevention efforts.

“This is a good report,” explained Wells Fargo chief economist John Silvia. “There’s a lot of emotional trauma… It’s good for the economy. It’s good for people’s income.” Continue Reading

If you’ve ever wondered if you’re drinking too much, look inwards, towards your liver, and find the answers. If that doesn’t work, you can also just wait until the people selling you your poison of choice tell you that you need help.

It’s exceptionally rare for those selling liquor to tell their patrons they need help – if they did, they’d go out of business – but sometimes it happens.

Click on the cartoon to see it full-size.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Research Medical Center in Kansas City Missouri is making a change to their visitation policies in an effort to avoid appearing discriminatory by eliminating visiting privileges for all patients.

The hospital has recently become the focus of attention by gay rights activists after having the domestic partner of a patient arrested, which is both gay and gaaaay. Continue Reading

Today, surprising information came to light which reveals that Taylor Swift was recently treated for gonorrhea and chlamydia of her genitalia and throat.

Further details show that the chart-topping songstress has also received treatment for herpes, syphilis, human papilloma virus (HPV), trichomoniasis, scabies, and pubic lice (crabs). Continue reading

There is nothing funny about Alzheimer’s Disease. Those afflicted suffer terribly. But this guy, shown here to the right, might have found a bit of an upside loophole to endure the affliction with a tad greater ease.

(Click on the image to see it full-size.)

There are many drugs terrorizing our nation, from low-cost heroine and crack to high-potency crystal meth. One drug equally vilified that gets a bit less attention is Ecstasy, known by its chemical name MDA or MDMA.

MDMA was first synthesized by Merck in 1912 to stop abnormal bleeding. It didn’t work in that capacity and was quickly abandoned, left for history to rediscover. Continue Reading

I recently bought a burrito and was astounded to see that it was made in the fair city of Minneapolis, a surprise since I had always thought of Minneapolis as being a place so white that it’s nickname is ‘The Wonder Bread Capital of America’.

Burritos are about as native to Minnesota as fish are to the moon. What comes next? Does my chop suey start getting shipped in from Tel Aviv? Continue Reading

[Glossy News contributor, Tim Jones, provides a periodic column for Glossy News called The Love Doctor, where he shares his insights on matters of the heart.]

For years people the world over have sought my advice as a foremost authority on matters of the heart. Perhaps it’s because I’m half-German. Or maybe because I got an A- in French in high school – the language of love. I don’t actually have any formalized training in this arena. And I still don’t quite understand position #27 of the Kama Sutra. Continue Reading

Every day, millions of Americans get sick. If they’re smart, they’ll go to Google before hitting up their local HMO provider. Most of them get the wrong diagnosis, but they save a fortune along the way.

Based on our research, we’ve collected a number of case studies of individuals who have sought the sage advice of Google before going in for proper treatment.

Below are just a few of our case studies:

Continue Reading

As Thomas Jefferson looks down from his cloudy suite in heaven, he must be exceedingly proud of UVA for its latest attempt at breaking the status quo in popular trends.

According to a poll released Sunday morning, Board of Visitors Rector Helen Dragas is the University’s Most Admired person, with 70 percent of the student body giving her their support. Continue Reading

When the Australian High Court forced tobacco manufacturers to sell cigarettes in packaging without their distinctive colours and logos from December last year, the World Health Organisation (WHO) applauded this decision, saying that it was the right thing to do to protect the health of Australia’s youth. Continue reading

Conservative icon and shockingly good dancer Marcus Bachmann is in the news again, following allegations that he had inappropriate contact with one of his “patients” at his “pray the gay away” clinic.

“Well we all know what’s straight and what isn’t,” said Davis Germaine, attorney for the victim. “But it seems he wants to redraw the lines for what is and isn’t gay in a way more favorable to him.” Continue Reading

Fast Food Restaurants Go Ahead With Even More Bacon Options in Kids Meals

Washington, DC – The Food and Drug Administration has given final approval on a vaccine that, when administered at a young age, will allow children to eat anything they want without gaining any fat. The obesity vaccine was developed in answer to the failed USDA’s MyPlate program, which replaced the even more disastrous MYPyramid Food Chart, both of which have done little to curtail the rising epidemic of obesity in America. Continue Reading

Following months of speculation, the governor’s office has this morning confirmed what red-blooded, God-fearing Americans have long suspected. He’s a sick and dying man.

“I’ve always fought hard against the ills that plague us, but I’m more comfortable when it’s welfare queens and not [leukemia],” said Scott in front of the governor’s mansion.

“But I vow to beat this just like I would a Cuban immigrant here to take your job.” Continue Reading