Archive | War Zone

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb <del>Confirms</del> Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (1)

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb Confirms Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (1)

“If at first you don’t succeed, try again.”

Radical-Left-Wing-Ideologues™ Zizek/Beckett agree:

“Try again, fail again, fail better.”

Yes, FoxCon(n) FoxNews, I mean ACTUAL far-left-ideologues…

As distinguished from, say, Newt Gingrich/Ed Miliband/Pope Francis.

Still, Lefties-Gonna-Left, but Our Jeb… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone3 Comments

William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime

William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime

William Hague may no longer be (Anti)Foreign(er) Minister and Vice-Viceroy of the British Humanitarian Empire™…

Nor indeed, a key business strategist for IntCom Imperialist Enterprises™…

Still, he has maintained his healthy, thoroughly admirable, and perfectly laudable interest of all…

To wit, defending those who are oppressed™ and speaking up for those who don’t have a voice™…

As well as, needless to say, clarifying the vexed question of the objective interests of certain “benighted Third World savages…”

They who, if they DO have a voice, should just shut-the-f***-up and take the enema. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

WASHINGTON – The Pentagon announced today that the Islamic State (ISIS) has blown up two American battleships, the Maine and the Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin.

Brigadier General Lance Boyle stated: “ISIS was very foolhardy in using weapons of mass destruction to blow up two American battleships that were peacefully passing through the Gulf of Tonkin on separate humanitarian missions.” Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

U.S. Deploys 120,000 Boots to Iraq and Syria

U.S. Deploys 120,000 Boots to Iraq and Syria

WASHINGTON—Tuesday morning, President Obama announced the immediate deployment of American boots in response to the continuing threat of ISIS in Iraq and Syria.

This is in spite of the president’s recent assurance that there will be “no boots on the ground.”

“It has become clear that airstrikes alone are not enough,” said President Obama during a press conference.

“To degrade and destroy the extremist threat facing Iraq and Syria, we need a sizable ground presence. That’s why I’ve authorized the immediate deployment of 60,000 pairs of boots to the region.” Continue Reading

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States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

A new political entity was born today as all States west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is.

Fed up with decades of following a government that only recognized the needs and interests of those within a 200 mile radius of Washington, the League (hereafter referred to as the LSTRWRI to keep from using up all my printer ink) made Barrow, Alaska its capital, made Rand Paul its Emperor and named Sarah Palin its Queen just to keep her happy and quiet (not that she really knows anything about reality). Continue Reading

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Israelis and Palestinians Finally Agree on Something… Unfortunately

Israelis and Palestinians Finally Agree on Something… Unfortunately

The UN Council, sick of the never ending strife in Israel between the Jews and the Arabs, came up with a novel idea for mediating a lasting truce. They employed Buddhists to act as peacekeepers.

The Buddhist faith, probably among the most peaceful of any of the earthly religions, emphasizes tolerance, good will and understanding as its most important virtues.

The UN high council members thought that having Buddhist monks watching over the two Mid-east enemies might bring about the long sought after peace that the area had lacked for the last 70 years. Continue Reading

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ISIS: The Autistic Brother of Al-Qaeda

ISIS: The Autistic Brother of Al-Qaeda

ISIS: The world’s number one autistic brainchild, the same one which refused to continue living with his older brother, Al-Qaeda, is now in some deep trouble with the United States and Russia.

After beheading a journalist in the lands of SandVillage, their only option for attention was death. Geez, talk about needy.

To make things worse, the group continued with a follow-up decapitation video personally sent to Prince Barack Obama of Nigeria. A representative of the White House spoke with the press regarding this issue stating: Continue Reading

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Homeland Security Warns of “Out-For-Blood” Radical Group Calling Itself “Red Cross”

Homeland Security Warns of “Out-For-Blood” Radical Group Calling Itself “Red Cross”

WASHINGTON — The Department of Homeland Security released a statement yesterday afternoon warning U.S. citizens of recent efforts by a group of homegrown radicals whom officials say are “out-for-blood.” Reports indicate the organization is calling itself Red Cross.

According to sources, the group’s signature act of torture involves draining the blood from humanitarians unfortunate enough to find themselves on a Red Cross “tablé” (pronounced taw-blay or tay-bul), which is a device not unlike the infamous “rack” used in the Spanish Inquisition. Continue Reading

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Breaking News! Russia Plans Invasion of Scotland if They Secede!

Breaking News! Russia Plans Invasion of Scotland if They Secede!

The Russians have taken a keen interest in the vote for Scottish secession from Britain. Maybe too keen an interest.

The British MI6 has picked up information that seems to point to the Russians invading Scotland should the ‘Yes’ vote on independence pass.

Here are some of the taped telephone conversations that they have intercepted from Russian higher-ups in their political system (translated): Continue Reading

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Russian Takeover Strategies Of  Yesterday, Today And Tomorrow

Russian Takeover Strategies Of Yesterday, Today And Tomorrow

2008- Russia invades former ‘comrade’ nation Georgia because Putin ‘has Georgia on his mind….’.

March 2014- Russia takes over the Crimea because they want to protect their naval fleet, and their hidden stores of vodka.

June 2014- Russia begins infiltration and takeover of eastern Ukraine, wanting to ‘protect the Russians living there’ who invaded centuries ago. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News2 Comments

The 13th Annual Biggest Firework Ceremony Begins With a Blast

The 13th Annual Biggest Firework Ceremony Begins With a Blast

Kicking it off this September comes an event the whole world has begged to be a part of. Unfortunately for them, only a selected number of Muslims were able to make it inside.

Since 2001, the Annual Biggest Firework Ceremony has been a part of the Al-Qaeda family who have their traditions such as: Executing anyone they come across with, annoyingly chanting their monkey song ‘Allahu Akbar’, and the classic accidental suicide bombing bloopers the entire unibrow family enjoys. Continue Reading

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A Checklist Of The ‘Humanitarian Aid’ The Russians Are Sending To Ukraine

A Checklist Of The ‘Humanitarian Aid’ The Russians Are Sending To Ukraine

At the Russian/Ukrainian border the so-called ‘humanitarian aid’ convoy sent by Putin stops to do a final check on what supplies they will be delivering to the Ukrainians on the other side. Two Russian majors exit the first two vehicles carrying clipboards and meet at the back of the first truck.

“OK Dimitri, let’s take a final check on everything.” Continue Reading

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Glossy Gets First Hand Account Of Israeli Settlers Taking Over Palestinian Land

Glossy Gets First Hand Account Of Israeli Settlers Taking Over Palestinian Land

A side development of the current Israeli/Palestinian conflict is the Israeli annexing of further Palestinian land for their ever-swelling population of new comers.

According to U.N. accords the land once called Palestine was divided into specific and definite sections- determined parts for the Jews and determined parts for the Arabs.

Since that time Israel has often and often brutally confiscated Arab territory for the immigrants they lure to their land to ensure that they have a large enough population to stave off Arab attacks. Continue Reading

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Top Economists Sagely Call for Wholly Unfundable War

Top Economists Sagely Call for Wholly Unfundable War

WASHINGTON – Several leading economists have recently called for war as the best means to solve the world’s six-year old economic crisis.

Nobel-nominated economist Karl Strauss of the University of Chicago stated: “War is the time-honored cure for economic stagnation.”

RIGHT: New-on-the-scene economics wunderkind Karl Strauss is not speculated by any to be Frank Luntz in Groucho Marx glasses.

Strauss elaborated: “War is an important variable within geopolitical game theory. Ideally, the President would choose a war that would cause perpetual–yet controlled–wars, such as those described in George Orwell’s 1984. Controlled wars are the best wars for the long-term health of the economy, as well as for maintaining national unity.”

Other economists praised Karl Strauss.

Fellow University of Chicago economist Igor Strauss agreed, writing in the Chicago Times that “Karl Strauss is a genius, representing the best in a school of great economists.”

“It’s been a long time since the last major war. It would be healthy for the economy.”

“It’s an economic truism that only World War II ended the Great Depression in America. The New Deal accomplished nothing.”

“But as economists, we avoid attaching moral labels such as ‘good’ or ‘evil” to war. Wars are just like any other economic phenomenon to be studied, preferably from within a comfortable university setting and at a safe distance from any actual death, bloodshed, or poor people.”

Adolph Strauss, also of the University of Chicago, praised his colleagues Karl Strauss and Igor Strauss, and critiqued those “worthless progressives” who have called for a “New New Deal”: massive infrastructure projects to repair America’s crumbling bridges, roads, train stations and airports.

“Some worthless progressives may call for a ‘New New Deal’ to put people back to work, but we feel it is better to stay the course, to use our drone technology to destroy the outdated infrastructure in other countries, and then to rebuild the destroyed nations in our own image.”

“Either way America gets to benefit both from the destruction and the rebuilding of each nation that we are liberating. That is very efficient. And good for the economy.”

Some also see war as a good way to fill the hole left in the world’s media attention, now that the universally beloved World Cup football tournament is over.

“The summer would be insufferably boring without a fresh war,” says Professor Stanley Tellman, economist at Gotham University. “I can’t wait.”

“War will be great for the economy,” agreed Professor John Churchill of Oxford. “Never before have so many poor people had it so good for so long. The time has come to act, to get the sausage-grinders into action, cull the herd a bit. It’s good for the economy.”

Venerable Republican politicians agree with these top economists.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney thinks that entering a war against Russia is “a fantastic idea that will solve a lot of our problems. Remember: what is good for our Perpetual War Portfolio is good for the American people.”

“Frankly, anybody against going to war right now is an idiot,” concluded former President and renowned painting anti-hero George W. Bush, “War is always good for America.”

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“Bibi, stop bombing or we’ll cut your bullets,” Obama Tells Netanyahu

“Bibi, stop bombing or we’ll cut your bullets,” Obama Tells Netanyahu

Gaza, an open-air prison? Israel’s $3 billion-a-year welfare check threatened? America scolds Israel? STOP THE PRESS!!!

A leaked White House transcript of a heated phone-call earlier today reveals that US President Barack Obama told Israel’s Zionist Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that his apartheid regime’s bombardment of Gaza city is stretching America’s Hollywood-Bubble Gum TV News propaganda system out to its theoretical limits.

Because Israel’s brutal siege on Gaza associates the US with a war crime that is becoming obvious to “Dumb-dee-doo Christians, video-game addicts and the UN”, Obama told Netanyahu to “desist already” with Israel’s massacre of Palestinians trapped inside the walled-in city. This leak is published in humankinds’ interests. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News2 Comments

Malysian Air Shoots MH17 Down in Bold Strategy to Forget All About MH370

Malysian Air Shoots MH17 Down in Bold Strategy to Forget All About MH370

Just when you’ve seen enough out of the Malaysian people, this crazy stuff happens.

Malaysian Airline MH17 was shot down, forced to make a crash landing in the Ukraine, killing off passengers by the dozens. It’s a surprise no middle eastern extremists tried applying for a job, knowing they always have the tendency of crashing planes into stuff. Continue Reading

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