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Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (2/2)

Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (2/2)

No, look, look, let’s cut to the chase. This is a textbook example of deliberate smear tactics, a cynical, malicious, orchestrated campaign of personal vilification against some admittedly somewhat fallible individuals…

Who somehow, God forbid, DARED to presume to lack the all-seeing, pristinely perfect, absolutely comprehensive omniscience that their critics so unjustly demand of them…

And which their critics no doubt cynically attribute to themselves alone.

Well, if you dare to arrogantly and maliciously single out the Germans like that, all I can say is: God help the rest of us mere mortals!

Well? What do you think?

Is there ANYONE ON EARTH who could even come close to these hideously high standards, these highfaluting moral and epistemological criteria, to which the Germans have been so unfairly and arbitrarily subjected?

Well, if that’s how it’s to be, how many of us will be left standing on that great and grand day of judgment, when the innocent sheep of good character and goodwill shall be vindicated and receive their eternal reward…

While the vicious goats who abused their power and tyrannized over others without mercy will themselves receive no mercy, and will be finally cast into eternal perdition?

No, believe me, this is not rhetoric. (Well, it never is, is it?)

No, let me tell you now! This is deadly serious, and if anyone takes these matters lightly, they’ll one day discover, to their cost, that it’s all too late…

And that they have wasted their life, spilled their talents on the ground, the same ground which cries unto high Heaven for justice against the oppressor…

As they drown and choke in the blood of the innocent, fearfully screaming to themselves, but all too late, that they’ve wasted every last opportunity they had once been offered to do good for others, so that they could save themselves from everlasting punishment…

Having chosen instead the path of harming others; by inflicting evil and oppression on their fellow human beings, they also have lost everything they ever had, and would nevermore know so much as a single moment’s peace…

No, it’s all too late; not one of their victims will so much as dip their finger in a drop of water, to cool the the blazing tongue of their oppressor.

No, we should all be quite clear: when that day finally arrives, it will be too late for tears…

And anyone who begs and pleads for just one last, final chance to make amends and atone for their crimes will find the doors of Heaven shut forever.

And you know what? It’ll be nothing less that they deserve.

Yes: “Judge not, and you will not be judged,” that’s what I say. Jesus actually said that. He’s a very wise man who admires me very much (or… never mind)…

And he actually agrees with me on quite a lot of things, believe you me; and that’s one of them. We have rather a lot in common, you know.

Well, except perhaps that Jesus was rather absolutist and dogmatic at times, not always understanding the importance of seizing the moment and dynamically re-configuring his strategic ethical objectives and methods…

Which is something I daresay I’m rather better at.

But I don’t want to boast. No one’s ever accused me of being arrogant, and I certainly don’t want to start now.

Well, I mean, I’ve got away with just the odd pomo-ironically detached smattering of self-congratulation fairly well so far, don’t you think? ;)

Never mind. No, forgive me, I’m telling you now, it’s simply INTOLERABLE that individuals of perfectly good character and intentions have been ridiculed, smeared, mocked, criticized, treated like the scum of the earth…

Just for making one little mistake that, let’s be honest, anyone in this world could easily have made.

I mean, to err is but human, to forgive divine. Just don’t be resentful, and stop taking a one-sided, dogmatic, and prejudiced view of the issue!

Still, I must confess I myself do have an issue or two with a few aspects of what the Germans did; but we just have to put these things into perspective, don’t we! :D

Yes, I mean, seriously, it’s like, you know: can any one of you state with 100% infallible certainty that you would never have made such a perfectly human and excusable error?

…OF COURSE NOT!

No, no, please, let me insist on just this point, just this this once. The people who make light of the terrible sufferings of the Holocaust and World War II by their opportunistic criticisms; THEY are the REAL criminals.

Yes, indeed. You know, we all know, it’s bad enough to kill and torture countless innocent people. I wouldn’t want to make light of that at all, believe you me.

Then again…

No, I mean, let’s face it, to then round upon the people who, you claim, are somehow, in way or another, you know, just flat-out GUILTY of these deaths, in some radically indeterminate and conveniently unqualified manner…

Well, that just really takes the biscuit! It’s simply despicable, and shows an utter lack of common human decency and self-restraint.

Well, yes… no, if you’d the slightest idea what a pretentious, cynical, insincere charlatan you sound like, let me tell you, you would never open your mouth again.

No, you will try to maliciously twist what I’m saying for the sake of some petty political capital, like you did with my Iraq dossier, but you will not succeed.

No, believe me, I’m used to it. Lots of people criticize me, but d’you know why?

Well yes, at the end of the day, there is only one reason that I’m ever criticized. Any ideas?

Yes, you’re right. Opportunism. Just sheer, cynical, unadulterated, Machiavellian opportunism. That’s the ONLY REASON I have EVER been criticized in this world. :(

And I tell you what; you know what?

Well, the people of Britain; they’ve just had enough.

You never spoke a truer word, Tony.

Oh wait, that sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it!

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Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (1/2)

Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (1/2)

Tony Blair has recently made some perfectly reasonable and convincing revisionist comments on the mass atrocities committed in Germany in the 1930s and 1940s.

Well, when I say “perfectly reasonable and convincing,” that’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m not supposed to be reporting these comments…

So I’m actually doing you guys a favor! Continue Reading

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Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (2/2)

Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (2/2)

Earlier, President Obama introduced his plan to expand the International Community.

He briefly and compassionately considered Palestine, Vatican City, the future Greater Israel, China, Japan, Russia, EU, India…

But none of them meet the high standards of the Global Village Patriarchs. Continue Reading

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Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (1/2)

Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (1/2)

Malicious and insidious recalcitrationalists from Glossynews and other disreputable non-Fox/-MSBC media outlets have been ignorantly and brutally ridiculing The Universal Interest.

And it’s purely on these grounds, and not on account of any cynical or disingenuous motivation whatsoever…

That President Obama has held a press conference in Arkansas, in order to prove the general greater-goody-goodiness of The Greater Good, and the hyper-monopolistic “Ourness” of “Our Common Humanity.” Continue Reading

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David Cameron Apologises for “Humanitarian Caliphate” Smear

David Cameron Apologises for “Humanitarian Caliphate” Smear

David Cameron has been forced to make a humiliating climbdown, after incorrectly claiming that the Humanitarian Caliphate is an even better caliphate than the Daesh/IS/ISIS/ISIL/IKEA one.

Calm down dear; listen to what the Grand Physician says… sorry, I mean, “orders you to believe. ”

I only meant it in a flippant manner, not in a po-faced, dusty manner like the Kippers. My point was that we have a lot in common with ISIS, except we are even better. Continue Reading

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John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry has threatened the pitiful Unamerican/Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet “Glossynews” with humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.

Read the transcript, and promise me not to laugh. This shit is serious.

The illegitimate Glossynews editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.

These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and it’s about time they started acting accountably. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, War Zone0 Comments

Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

President Obama is concerned at the harsh stigma attached to militants of the Islamic State.

So he has some wise words for the more narrow-minded citizens, who take a merely partisan approach towards the Islamic State…

Now let me say this. The Islamic State, ISIS, ISIL, call it what you will (perhaps apart from the derogatory term “Daesh…”)

Yes, the Islamic State is a nation with whom we currently have some significant diplomatic obstacles, and breaks in the flow of communication. Continue Reading

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GlossyNews Scores Exclusive Interview w/ Vlad the Impaler Putin, Czar of Russia

GlossyNews Scores Exclusive Interview w/ Vlad the Impaler Putin, Czar of Russia

Glossy News has been fortunate enough to be granted an interview with Vladimir Putin, the leader of Russia, a man very much in the news these days.

It is not often that the Premier grants anyone from the West an exclusive interview, especially since he is not allowed to enter the U.S.

We had to do the Interview on his exclusive 300 foot yacht off the Crimea coast. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone26 Comments

Islamic Terrorists Shot In Paris Arrive In Jihadist Heaven

Islamic Terrorists Shot In Paris Arrive In Jihadist Heaven

The three Islamic assassins who killed French citizens at Charlie Hebdo and a Jewish delicatessen arrive at the destination they had given their lives for, the Jihadist heaven promised them.

An angel greets them as they arrive.

“Welcome gentlemen. I hope your journey was peaceful.”

“Hardly!” stated Said Kouachi sarcastically. “We got our shit shot to pieces.” Continue Reading

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Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb <del>Confirms</del> Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (2)

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb Confirms Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (2)

Here’s the rest of The End of History.

I’m so excited to proclaim this, I nearly expected the ceiling of my office to cave in.

…Not the glass ceiling, of course.

For, just like the 100%-Anti-State-Patronage-And-Condescension-Dems, Republicans don’t have a problem with women.

AS SUCH. Continue Reading

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North Korea Bankrupt After Costs from Sony Hack

North Korea Bankrupt After Costs from Sony Hack

North Korea has gone bankrupt from its massive hacking assault on Sony Pictures.

The intrusion into the depths of Sony’s Corporation was ignited by their new film ‘The Interview’ which features two bumbling tabloid newsmen who are given the mission of assassinating North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un.

This indiscretion infuriated the real Jong Un who immediately funneled the entire countries anemic economy into the hacking barrage that exposed many of Sony’s secret files including high level employee wages (which shocked Jong Un in that one executive’s salary alone equals the entire gross national product of North Korea for a year), insulting emails about famous stars (which also encindered the Prez as some were about his secret fantasy love Jennifer Aniston), and photos of Seth Rogen in his underwear (which the Exalted One kept for his private collection). Continue Reading

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Posted in Talky Pictures, War Zone0 Comments

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb <del>Confirms</del> Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (1)

Bush Doctrine 2.0/0.2. Jeb Confirms Allays Our Foreign Policy Fears (1)

“If at first you don’t succeed, try again.”

Radical-Left-Wing-Ideologues™ Zizek/Beckett agree:

“Try again, fail again, fail better.”

Yes, FoxCon(n) FoxNews, I mean ACTUAL far-left-ideologues…

As distinguished from, say, Newt Gingrich/Ed Miliband/Pope Francis.

Still, Lefties-Gonna-Left, but Our Jeb… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone3 Comments

William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime

William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime

William Hague may no longer be (Anti)Foreign(er) Minister and Vice-Viceroy of the British Humanitarian Empire™…

Nor indeed, a key business strategist for IntCom Imperialist Enterprises™…

Still, he has maintained his healthy, thoroughly admirable, and perfectly laudable interest of all…

To wit, defending those who are oppressed™ and speaking up for those who don’t have a voice™…

As well as, needless to say, clarifying the vexed question of the objective interests of certain “benighted Third World savages…”

They who, if they DO have a voice, should just shut-the-f***-up and take the enema. Continue Reading

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ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin

WASHINGTON – The Pentagon announced today that the Islamic State (ISIS) has blown up two American battleships, the Maine and the Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin.

Brigadier General Lance Boyle stated: “ISIS was very foolhardy in using weapons of mass destruction to blow up two American battleships that were peacefully passing through the Gulf of Tonkin on separate humanitarian missions.” Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

U.S. Deploys 120,000 Boots to Iraq and Syria

U.S. Deploys 120,000 Boots to Iraq and Syria

WASHINGTON—Tuesday morning, President Obama announced the immediate deployment of American boots in response to the continuing threat of ISIS in Iraq and Syria.

This is in spite of the president’s recent assurance that there will be “no boots on the ground.”

“It has become clear that airstrikes alone are not enough,” said President Obama during a press conference.

“To degrade and destroy the extremist threat facing Iraq and Syria, we need a sizable ground presence. That’s why I’ve authorized the immediate deployment of 60,000 pairs of boots to the region.” Continue Reading

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States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

A new political entity was born today as all States west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is.

Fed up with decades of following a government that only recognized the needs and interests of those within a 200 mile radius of Washington, the League (hereafter referred to as the LSTRWRI to keep from using up all my printer ink) made Barrow, Alaska its capital, made Rand Paul its Emperor and named Sarah Palin its Queen just to keep her happy and quiet (not that she really knows anything about reality). Continue Reading

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