Israel Ruins Protesters, Commits to Ruining Own Reputation

On May 5th, the United States officially moved the US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, sparking praise from end-of-days zealots, protests from Palestinians, and a volley of bullets and tear gas from Israeli soldiers posted on the border. Read more Israel Ruins Protesters, Commits to Ruining Own Reputation

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Army Forgets Weapons, Loses War

The small European nation of Chevroni lost its war with the Middle Eastern nation Texico last Sunday after forgetting to bring the weapons.

“It happens,” said Chevroni General Stephen Stanford. “We had them all ready to go, but then things got crazy, we were running late, and the next thing you know, we forgot them.” Read more Army Forgets Weapons, Loses War

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CIA Hymnbook: Agnus Dei/Lamb of God.


So far, the CIA Hymnbook has covered many famous hymns; including Sanctus and Bendictus. And speaking of well-beloved Latin hymns, we now have the ‘Agnus Dei’ or ‘Lamb of God.’

If you’ve recently been reading The Satanic Bible or Necronomicon, this is just the Black Mass the darker side of you has been craving… Read more CIA Hymnbook: Agnus Dei/Lamb of God.

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Professor Smiggles Smugly Condemns Fallacious Conceits of Big Humanitarianism

Some recent comments about humanitarian heroism have failed to satisfy the ever-impossible-to-please satire news fixture, Pre-Senior-Professor-Guru-Emeritus Angus Lenn(on/in)vedanta Smiggles from the Social Constructionist String Theory Department in Bushmills Metaphysical College.

Notable public figure and moderate political Tory-ist William Hague moans: Read more Professor Smiggles Smugly Condemns Fallacious Conceits of Big Humanitarianism

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NRA Puts Flag At Half Mast For AR-15 Cut In Half By Gun Owner

In a sense of tragic loss and deep empathy, NRA Headquarters and local affiliate branches have lowered their flags to half mast in honor of an AR-15 assault rifle that was horrifyingly cut in half and destroyed by its owner. Read more NRA Puts Flag At Half Mast For AR-15 Cut In Half By Gun Owner

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Trump Should Attack Russia to Take Heat off RussiaGate Scandal, Experts Say

WASHINGTON – Politicians and media pundits from both political perspectives have called on President Trump to attack Russia as soon as possible to prove once and for all that he is not colluding with Russia.

“The only way for Trump to prove that he isn’t colluding with Russia – is to attack them,” said former National Security Advisor, Dulles Minderbinder on CNN.

Read more Trump Should Attack Russia to Take Heat off RussiaGate Scandal, Experts Say

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Druids and Pagans Curiously Favourable Towards Islamic State / ISIS

Hamish Leonardo Kraftwerker Magee, Chief Druid of Dumfries, (previously known as Third Baron Trevelyan Montague of High Wycombe), has narrowly escaped being sent to Guantanamo Bay on the grounds of being a jihadist militant.
Read more Druids and Pagans Curiously Favourable Towards Islamic State / ISIS

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