REYKJAVIK, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Pop singer Bjork (pronounced BEE-YORKKKKK, just like you are upchucking a bad pizza), always a fountainhead of new and eccentric ideas, has decided to help alleviate Iceland’s terrible economic problems.

Iceland, long a self reliant land, made a bad mistake by investing heavily in British stocks which plummeted in value during the current recession. Iceland teeters on bankruptcy. Continue Reading

CHICAGOLAND, Illinois
(GlossyNews) –

The horror! The horror!

This is a quote from Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, the short story that inspired the movie Apocalypse Now. It is also a quote on the tongues of many Chicagoans when they found that their Life Saver mints, a product staple of the eternal Wrigley Company, a bastion of Chicoagoan enterprise, is now being made in Canada.

The horror! The horror! Continue Reading

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brasil (NovedadesGlossy) US opening weekend, the new Oliver Stone documentary grossed $21,545. Don’t let that low gross fool you; this film is highly gross. It’s grosser than naked pictures of Woody Allen.

The movie is Mr. Stone running around South America talking to politicians. Talk, talk, talk and it goes on for hours like that! Oh sure, there’s a little bit about some villages getting electricity, and that is a great thing. When I imagine those poor girls living in villages without blow driers, it about makes me cry. Don’t be thinking there’s much of that in ‘South of the Border’ though. It’s mostly ugly fat guys talking. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Glossy News) — Last December, following a foiled terrorist airline attack, airports implemented full body scans, prompting many air travelers to wonder what additional security procedures they would have to endure. The wondering can stop. Yesterday, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced a comprehensive battery of new health care-friendly airport screenings. In addition to full body scans, air travelers will now be able to get free CAT scans, MRIs, dental cleanings and even yearly physicals while going through security. Continue Reading

Reno, NV (GlossyNews) — A Reno NV woman became the second person to sue Google because of an issue with Google Maps. Similar to an earlier action in Park City, UT, the woman, Eustancia Dumas is suing Google for poor directions related to the walking instructions Google offered. The woman claims that Google did not go into enough detail about how to cross the street.

Ms Dumas, who recently moved to Reno, consulted Google Maps to find a route to the local Piggly Wiggly. Dumas, who doesn’t drive and usually has others deliver her groceries, decided that the store was close enough for her to walk. She consulted Google Maps to offer her a walking route to the store, which was 3/4 of a mile down the sidewalk on the same street. Continue Reading

Todos Santos, Mexico (GlossyNews) — American baby boomers, flush with money, have been making their way down to Mexico’s Baja coast for a decade or more as expatriates trying to escape the high cost of living in the United States. They’re doing anything they can to make their retirement dollars stretch while, at the same time, enjoying a better-than-average lifestyle by the ocean. So you can understand why they are more than a little peeved at their cousins still in the north, back in Arizona, who have taken it upon themselves to make things very difficult for Americans choosing to live south of the border. Continue Reading

Salt Lake City, UT (GlossyNews) — Delta Airline passengers Cynthia Grey of seat 7D and Ed Towson of seat 7F each laid joint tenancy claims to the drop-down tray table in the unoccupied center seat between them upon take-off from Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.

The non-verbal, unwritten agreement was established hastily and without negotiation, just seconds prior to the delivery of Grey’s orange juice and honey roasted peanuts and Towson’s Pepsi and pair of Jim Beam mini bottles. Neither party opted to consult with legal counsel. Continue Reading

Phoenix, AZ – Now that Phoenix is ridding itself of its “melting pot of the Southwest” image, its Chamber of Commerce is doing everything it can to attract metrosexuals to their fair city—if you have to ask, you’re not welcome. “We are now looking to woo men who are well-groomed, well-dressed, and well-spoken, especially well-spoken,” said Chamber president, Rex Underscore. Continue Reading

May 8, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

In a Glossy News exclusive, this reporter has learned most of the population of Brazil is concentrated in coastal areas, and the land mass is overwhelmingly some kind of rain forest or something.

Inland Brazil, which is really really big–you’d be surprised–offers no Wi-Fi access or good places to eat. Continue Reading

Queens, NY (GlossyNews) — One of the nation’s largest airports, JKF International, is being shut down temporarily while the FAA investigates allegations of an underground child labor ring being run through the New York location.

This comes less than a week after evidence was found that a veteran air traffic controller had allowed his children to direct planes for him. That news shocked many in the airline industry and prompted a full blown investigation. It was while looking into that case that investigators stumbled upon the supposed child labor ring, FAA investigator Christopher Draper said. Continue Reading

The Green Zone, that huge, walled off section of Baghdad occupied by US military and civilian operations, has been renamed ‘The Emerald City’ after the fabled city in the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’.

The Green Zone functions like a first world country having 24 hour electricity, water, sewage treatment and Continue Reading

In the heart of the coolest part of Missoula, Montana, and I assure you such a place can and does exist, is a playground park like no other I’ve ever seen. When I say it’s the tallest playground ever, I am so beside myself I can’t possibly be expected to back it up with facts or figures. Continue Reading

In a tradition that dates back to the time of the first white European navigators, the federal government, composed mostly of old white men, will change the name of the Hawaiian islands to something more Aryan- they will be renamed the ‘Bob Islands’.

With the dumbing down of Americans in the latest generations (think George Bush) educators are finding that students have trouble pronouncing and spelling even such common, but foreign names as Hawaii, Honolulu, Waikiki and karaoke. Continue Reading

If you’re ever in up-city Helena, Montana and think you might be lost, there’s a good chance you are, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good things to see. By “up-city” I really mean “up-hill” and I know because even though we found a cool little park to revive us, we were already worn down by our uphill trek. Continue Reading

If you’ve ever traveled, whether it was across town or across the world, the one thing you wanted more than unlimited outgoing calls from your room was something familiar that reminded you of home. In my case I could think of nothing better or more familiar than passage of those golden arches through which kids come out happy and cows come out hamburger. Continue Reading

Blumenau, SC, Brazil – In what can only be called the biggest beer coup of the decade, the town of Blumenau, Brazil has stolen yet another world’s biggest party, this time from the Germans. When it comes to hedonism, Brazilians have the corner on the market. Continue Reading

Further scandal hits basket case Air India with news that pilots and cabin crew manning an international flight bound for Dehli got into an argument then deserted the cockpit and engaged in a fist-flinging free-for-all punch up in front of terrified passengers as the aircraft flew on – in a generalised Easterly direction – into the wild blue Oriental yonder – with no bugger at the controls. Continue Reading

New Labour’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has come up with a brilliant scheme to introduce novel laws in a bid to promote greener transport methods and are considering making motorists legally responsible for all fender-bender accidents involving cyclists or pedestrians – even if they are not at fault. Continue Reading