Archive | Celebrity Gossip

Sony Pulls Out Just before Big Release

Sony Pulls Out Just before Big Release

Just over a week before the climactic release of Sony Picture’s “The Interview” starring Seth Rogan and James Franco, the studio has decided to pull out.

Sony has received a serious pounding after hackers gained access to the back door of the movie studio’s network.

With releases of salaries, social security numbers, and AIM exchanges, Sony’s stock is experiencing shrinkage as hackers are expected to tear further into the private sections of Sony’s database. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Crime2 Comments

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Who’s Gonna Fill The Blank?

Nick Griffin: UK. Former British National Party, Goosestepping Eagle-Polisher.

Pros:

1. Impeccable far left credentials:

Economic centralism. Top-down, statist, collectivist, elitist/populist, authoritarian, general chauvinist. Perfect fit for the Trot SWP/Spartacists, let alone Labour.
Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics4 Comments

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Thought there were no convincing(-ish) short notice candidates to replace Ed Milliband when the last-minute coup occurs?

You were wrong!

Or rather…

Subjected-By-Petty-Bourgeois-Ideology-To-The-Mystifications-Of-Late-Capitalist-False-Consciousness™.

(Huh? Anyone? Nah… me neither). Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics14 Comments

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass (NSFW)

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass (NSFW)

Rod Blagojevich hasn’t been content with his recent numerous high profile media appearances.

You know, Celebrity Apprentice, biased FOX/MSNBC news reports, Oprah Winfrey…

And even the “Wanted” posters pinned up in a certain large urban settlement in Illinois.

So he’s decided that in order to really hit the big-time again, and be “wanted” in a much “nicer” way, an appearance on Celebrity Career Re-boot (Culinary Version) was a pressing necessity. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television2 Comments

“Crack is Whack” is Back (in Black?)

“Crack is Whack” is Back (in Black?)

New York, New York–Drug Abuse Resistance Education, better known as D.A.R.E., has yet another catchy phrase it will soon be rolling out.

“Crack is Whack,” the phrase made famous by Whitney Houston in a Diane Sawyer television interview, will be unveiled as D.A.R.E.’s new slogan. “We feel this will get the kids’ attention and appeal to the younger hipper kids of today.

Just Say No was a simpleton’s approach to warning our youth about the dangers of drugs,” that according to D.A.R.E. spokeswoman Marla Jonesboro. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest1 Comment

Ozzy Osbourne to Host Grammys?

Ozzy Osbourne to Host Grammys?

Los Angeles-The 2014 Grammys featured the smooth talking LL Cool J as host along with his suave NCIS Los Angeles co-star Chris O’Donnell.

Tell grandpa to turn up his hearing aid for the 2015 Grammys, cause we all gonna need some extra volume for this one. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music3 Comments

Poll: Over 50% of US Women Have Been Drugged, Improperly Touched by Cosby

Poll: Over 50% of US Women Have Been Drugged, Improperly Touched by Cosby

Bill Cosby’s PR nightmare has gotten worse. In addition to the original seven to fourteen women who accused the formerly beloved comedian of sexual assault, more and more women have spoken up in a show of solidarity with their abused sisters.

It has gotten to the point that pollsters estimate that half of all women in the United States now claim they were drugged and raped by Bill Cosby. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television2 Comments

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Disclaimer: An earlier version of this was previously published on TheSpoof.com. Still, the warning below about the 21st century’s deadliest rap grudge still bears repeating. Don’t say I never warned you.

OK, so right, there’s a lot of jive goin’ down about the so-called grudge between Tupac and Biggie; however, this mainstream, far-from-edgy storm in a teacup pales in comparison to the biggest, baddest rap grudge in history. Check it. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Wyomissing, Pennsylvania – Professional Tailor, Bill Swift, Owner and Operator of Tailor Swift’s House of Threds, has been an expert at altering clothing since his shop first opened in June of 1979 on the corner of Reading Boulevard and Clayton Avenue in downtown Wyomissing.

Known to the locals as Tailor Swift, he has pleased thousands of customers with his precise and cost efficient tailoring, relying only on word-of-mouth advertising to increase his customer base. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music2 Comments

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears is under fire again, but this time for more than just his turnovers. After losing to Green Bay Sunday night the embattled QB tweeted, “Aaron hasn’t spanked anyone that hard since his gay roommate moved out.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals4 Comments

Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

The last remnants of the allegedly “modern” and “progressive” faction of the Conspicuously Downtrodden Freedom Fighters in Syria™ have come up with a novel plan to prevent their allies in al-Qaeda from spending more time killing them than fighting President Assad.

“We asked Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to come in and help us, but they turned on us and are slaughtering us like pigs,” wailed one self-styled secular militant:

“I mean, we need to find someone else who can do the job properly. We’ve invited Bono to come and save us, he’s good at that kind of thing. This is our last chance, but we believe if there is anyone at all on this earth who can help us win this war and preserve Our Common Humanity™, it’s Bono.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest0 Comments

Melissa Rivers in the Poor House due to Evil Death Taxes

Melissa Rivers in the Poor House due to Evil Death Taxes

How’s that for a clickbait headline? It’s wholly untrue, but that doesn’t stop the cash-hoarders from taking any opportunity to espouse their contra-factual nonsense.

Estate taxes serve several purposes, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise upfront, so if you promise to read down further, I’ll give you all the juicy facts you will have so richly earned. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip1 Comment

Perry/Santorum Article: Non-apology, Disclaimer, Invitation

Perry/Santorum Article: Non-apology, Disclaimer, Invitation

Santorum “living a lie all these years?”

This quotation, straight from the consummately straight-talking lips of Santorum himself, has somehow angered a crapload of irritable and highly-strung socialists™ who (charitably calculated) have only half-read my article on Rick Perry receiving a well-deserved Papal award, and Rick Santorum being passed over.

Yup; some miscellaneous and contemptible heap of predictably-uninformed-and-careless, ubiqituously-raging-web-cruisers are already quoting the foregoing quotation out of context.

Well, this is possibly not entirely unrelated to the fact that they couldn’t bring themselves to read the whole article; nor, indeed, the “THIS IS SATIRE, DAMMIT!!!” disclaimer.

No, wait; this never actually happens on this website! Hmmm…

Still, Santorum was merely talking about being a Catholic. That’s the context. You people do understand context, right? Well, I hope… ok, I’m being pretty generous here.

Still, ignore the haters, Rick… and ignore the fact that all those clearly unprincipled (as always) non-supporters of yours don’t understand the difference between satire and “factual” journalism.

Yup, let it go. Just let it go. You know, there there’s a hell of a lot of issues to let go of and just not give a crap about in this life; and this is certainly one of them.

Although it’s certainly not the only one; there are plenty of others; even ones which occupy the minds of politicians motivated to ensure a fair and just society, but who are going about it in a pretty misguided and harmful manner… hint-hint.

Still, I mean, if the “fact/satire” distinction bothers them (roll over, Davie Hume!), they should read some objective and reliable output from one of the myriad objective, reliable (and by the way, purely factual) news outlets in the USA…

You know, like our painfully ubiquitous/achingly conspicuous Fox/MSNBC rivals and haters.
Anyway, whatever happens, I still love you, Rick.




Well, especially with that pretty-damn-hot-stuff sweater you’ve been wearing. If I hadn’t been feeling so unfortunately and uncongenially and inconveniently hetero recently, you’d be the number-one, full-size, high-grade-handsome poster on my bedroom wall.

Yup! My problem is, I’m struggling with “unwanted heterosexual feelings;” kind of the opposite of what you and partisans of the Aversionist Agenda™ call “unwanted homosexual feelings.”

Oh, it’s not an agenda? Man, I feel really bad for you; it must really suck ass to be told you and “your people” (whatever that means) are carrying out some vaguely defined, wicked, and conspiratorial agenda; when it’s actually NOT the case!

And besides, you know what? I can’t find anyone to cure me. You never thought about helping people with THIS kind of terrible problem, did you? Don’t I deserve to be cured of my horrible and tragic affliction, too? Am I condemned to feel this way forever, with no hope of normality?

I mean, you only care about gay people, or what? Whatever happened to compassionate conservatism, Rick?

Sheesh. Calm down, Rick. Don’t get edgy. You know, the sweater thing; it was supposed to be a compliment. You’re a handsome kinda guy. Well, yeah; even if, tragically, you can’t be on my agenda right now.

But the offer’s there. If anyone out there can cure me, you know who you gotta call. Some poor boy’s needin’ straight-busted. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Just think about it, Rick. Because, in the last analysis, all us mainstream, standard-issue straightniks are human too.

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Religionism0 Comments

Perry/Santorum: Top Papal Award, Christian Fakers Annihilated

Perry/Santorum: Top Papal Award, Christian Fakers Annihilated

Oh-so-conspicuously unashamed Christian, Rick Perry, is not actually painfully, embarrassingly, and conspicuously unashamed today; just plain-ol’-vanilla-grindin’ embarrassed.

Pope Francis has accidentally made Perry a Papal Knight, instead of the similarly-monikered Rick Santorum.

But far from being flattered, Perry is distinctly underwhelmed by this high accolade…

Just Google-pedia his (kind of) acceptance speech at the Vatican; the 13 dozen (-trillion-ish?) megahit Youtube postings, and thousands and thousands of thoroughly unamusing and utterly disrespectful and malicious web-parodies™…

(According to the most recent count, conducted a mere 69… sorry, 20 minutes after his speech).

You know, I’m still not ashamed to say I’m a Christian™, even if I’m not that kind of Christian; but I’m just not really into all that Catholic stuff.

I mean, you don’t have to have a legion of rich friends in the megachurch industry or an army of devoted enemies of the so-called Churches-and-Statists-Separation to know there’s something wrong in this country when…™

Well, when I can get respect from the Pope but not from the Democrats… not even from YOUR fellow-Catholic buddy, the practically omnipresent/omnipotent/omni-shut-the-hell-up Saint Pelosi!…

And, of course, when a certain breed of opportunistic, center-straddling, fence-sitting Republicans opposes some of my ideas.

Don’t worry, I’ve already promised a thousand times ten thousand to end the war on True Christians™! Sorry, I mean a thousand times per hour… well, much more than a thousand, if the Youtube bandwidth were better…

Oh, socialist internet regulation sucks! Just sucks, dammit!#

We all know and respect how I try my very damnablest… sorry, damnedest, to save True, Authentic, Honest-to-God Christians™ from socialist, liberal, secular, and in particular, Darwinian-homosexual persecution and seduction…

But my job’s always getting just that bit harder when these pretty-damn-border-line or even flat-out-wrong churches (not pointing any fingers in this cathedral) try and join in the fun and call themselves Christians too.

It’s just plain unbearable! JFK, anyone?

Well, what next? Mitt Romney, is he going to try and be a True Christian as well? I mean, are the Church of Jesus and God’s Latter-Day Mormonian Witnesses™ going to give me an award too?

And how about Romney’s highly conspicuous and thoroughly renown-a-spectable co-believer, co-worshipper, and co-Heaven-bound-space-traveller Tom Cruise?

Well? Where will it all end, huh? Christian gays?™ Gimme a break!


Actually… no, on second thoughts, I’ll just decide I’m actually subtly trying to gauge your authenticity; you got any Christian gays here? Well? No? Not really, ya say? Yeah, whatever!”

I also asked part-time radical sexologist and amateur pretty-damn-non-postmodern gender theory expert Rick Santorum for his views.

(Actually, doesn’t that more-or-less mean “pre-modern gender theory expert?” One of you amateur semanticists from the comments pages might know; or if not, I’m sure you can at least offer us some absolute, unqualified certainty about this pressing issue).

Santorum is scarcely more generous than Perry; more like curiously frustrated:

“I’ve always wanted to be a Papal Knight; that’s the reason I joined politics in the first place…

“My only desire has been serving others in a purely disinterested and selfless manner. And of course, I’ve always dreamed of grabbing; sorry, acquiring, some especially honorable and distinguished Vatican accolade along the way.

“The Church I’ve loved and served all my life has just passed me over. So, I might as well just admit I’ve been living a lie all these years! You know what I mean?”

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Religionism0 Comments

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Minneapolis, Minnesota – Adrian Peterson has finally shed some light on the child abuse case brought against him last week that led to him being placed on the NFL’s exempt list.

“To be extremely blunt, I have always disciplined my kids by beating them with breadsticks,” Peterson said Wednesday afternoon at a news conference inside TCF Bank Stadium.

“Why do I choose breadsticks over a more lethal object? Because of their soft, buttery makeup, which is much gentler on the skin,” added Peterson before demonstrating his technique in front of the 200 people in attendance. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals3 Comments

Taylor Swift’s “Sh*t List”  Keeps Growing

Taylor Swift’s “Sh*t List” Keeps Growing

The ongoing feud between Taylor Swift and Katy Perry has reached a boiling point that even puts recent ISIS headlines to shame.

This bloody battle, comparable to the likes of Gettysburg, allegedly began over self-proclaimed asshole, John Mayor.

The most recent blow was struck by Swift. Known as America’s sweet tart, she recently accused “someone” of trying to steal several of her back up dancers mid-tour. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music2 Comments

Page 1 of 1712345...10...Last »
Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

12 posts
6 posts
4 posts
3 posts
2 posts
2 posts


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial