Ringling Brothers Circus is suing both the Republican and Democratic Parties for infringements on the copyright claim of running ‘The Biggest Circus In The World’. The Ringling Brothers, for a century the largest traveling circus on the circuit, is now upset that the two Presidential Parties are now cutting into their business.

“Our clowns are at least professional!” stated Ringling Manager Chuck D. Cheese, a midget with the circus, as I held the mike down so he could speak up into it. “When we get laughs it is because we intend to. And we don’t wear no three piece suits trying to look normal.” Continue Reading

SCENARIO- A secret laboratory deep underground beneath the American Heritage Think Tank And Karaoke Lounge in Washington. It is a room filled with strange scientific paraphernalia- tubes transporting strangely colored liquids run here and there connecting into buzzing machines. Varied colored indicator lights flicker on and off. All of these things seem to center upon a mysterious, human-shaped chamber filled with swirling gases in the middle of the room. Continue Reading

No, I am not going to write about kangaroos.

I am not that cheap. Everybody who wants to write funny stories about Australia writes about kangaroos. I refuse to stoop that low. They are too easy a target, too cheap a shot. I will, however, write about koala bears. I may not be cheap, but I have my limits. Koala bears sell.

Just to show how thin the line between humor and reality is at times I have put an asterisk before items that really, actually and truly did happen. Continue Reading

The following was found jammed in the Michigan State Capitol Building front door by a janitor arriving early for work on Monday:

MANIFESTO FOR THE LIBERATION OF THE UPPER PENINSULA FROM THE TYRANNY OF THE STATE OF MICHIGAN AND RETURNING IT TO ITS PROPER PLACE AS AN APPENDAGE OF WISCONSIN.

Let this document stand as a statement of intent by the Wisconsin Underground Saboteur Society For the Insurrection and Eventual Setting Free of The UP (W.U.S.S.I.E.S.) to liberate the so named Upper Peninsula from years of subjugation by the repressive forces of the state of Michigan. Continue Reading

President-elect Obama today had lunch with four former Presidents- Bush 1 and 2, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. George Bush Sr. from habit wiped his hands with a sanitized wipe after shaking Obama’s hand. All gave him bits of advice from their Presidential experience.

Mini-me Bush showed him the secret drawer on the desk where he could quickly stash his video game if guests arrived unexpectedly. Carter suggested that he not lust in his heart. Clinton suggested he not lust in his pants. Continue Reading

Physiological scientists have made an amazing discovery in that man (and we mean specifically ‘man’ here, not ‘wo-man’) much like the dinosaurs of ancient times, possess a second brain located in an extremity of the body. Both man and dinosaurs have the similarity of having a major brain in their heads that regulates most of their bodily functions, but, whereas dinosaurs have a second, smaller brain in their tail ends, man’s has been discovered in his penis tip. Continue Reading

The ever intrepid Wonki Leaks has scored another scoop with a revealing email sent by the acid blooded extreme American right winger Ann Coulter to the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik.

Hacked from Breivik’s email account by Rupert Murdoch himself, then rehacked from Murdoch by fellow Australian Julian Assange personally, the tidbit became an instant internet smash when released.

The email then was re-rehacked by the crack email hacker team here at Glossynews, all hired from the now defunct British tabloid News Of The World.

The email, a proposition of love from Ms. Coulter to the handsome and deadly rightist Breivik, gives an insight in the working of the mind of the beloved (and beloathed) blond Republican literary diva. Here is the text in full:

Hello Handsome!

Sorry to hear of your tragic incarceration. Those devious liberals probably got you arrested on a concealed weapons charge. They don’t seem to change their tactics much from country to county.

They should be exterminated. Too bad gas showers aren’t allowed any more! The libtards are probably the ones behind that government restriction too. They just won’t let a worthwhile enterprise thrive!

You certainly have done your part. Imagine! Getting rid of over 90 liberals at one time! Impressive! And all by yourself with just a couple of handguns and some fertilizer. I would nominate you for the NRA poster boy of the year except you are from Norway and not the U.S. (Don’t get me wrong, big boy, Norway is almost as good as America.)

And then bombing the floor out from under those in the parliament! You are a real hunk of He-man! Not only do you get rid of the Social rats, but also the nest they sit in! Brilliant!

I know you might not be available much, but if you should ever get free for a couple nights (I know those lame European left wing laws might let you get out on the streets for a bit of fresh air. If they are stupid enough to make them, take advantage of them I always say!) I would like to hook up with you.

I really go for the blond, strong jawed, blue eyed Aryan types, especially if those eyes are as cold as ice. Having a hunk’s body helps too. At least in solitary in prison you’ll have plenty of time to keep your physique up.

Even if you do get the maximum Norwegian term for murder of 21 years, I’ll be waiting for you. A Fuhrer such as yourself only comes along once in a generation and the last one shot himself in a bunker in Berlin in 1945.

In case you don’t recognize me from my books or FOX News, I am a slender WASP ( very!) with blond hair and blue eyes (also very Aryan! We’d be such a perfect match!) I am a dedicated anti liberal and like to wear black miniskirts (just for you I will ‘forget’ to put on underwear with it!)

I have an enticing slim figure; some say ‘skeletal’ or ‘Allie McBealish’ (who was a libtard lawyer on a lefty-lame TV show. These people I sic my doberman on.) I know how to charm a muscle man like yourself. I have a sexy swastika laced nightgown that I wear only for special men.

We can have a romantic evening together, cuddling and watching reruns of 24 Hours or the Nuremburg Rallies, then sip wine, snack on gjetost and sauerkraut before stripping down and making Aryan babies. It would be so romantic! At the point of orgasm we would shriek Heil, Heil, Heil in unison!

Let me know your answer quickly love. I await in impassioned heat!

Just one request, my love. When you do get free, could you give up the organic farming business? It just seems so, so, so Leftist! Yuck!

Rock Climbing: A Sport for the Daring And the Deranged – Part I

Life is not interesting enough for some people, so they come up with sports like rock climbing to compensate for it. Rock climbing is the sport where people (many of whom have not fully advanced on the scale of total human evolution, still possessing more of the simian attributes for climbing, not to mention they are hairy as hell) climb up rocks, ie. BIG rocks like MOUNTAINS) on skimpy ropes that resemble oversized clotheslines. Continue Reading

A recent disturbing discovery by a North Dakotan historian has revealed a disturbing fact about one of the least popular states in the union- the fact that it is not a state.

John Rolczynski has discovered that the governor and the state deputies at the time of it’s founding never took the oaths of office necessary to give North Dakota statehood. Continue Reading

The current recession is a big success state stated the heads of all the multi national corporations unanimously in their secret publication The Upper Crust Of The Upper Crust.

This publication is known and distributed only to those possessing more than 50 million dollars or controlling more than 10% of the local economy in whatever country they are in.

Reading from a copy carelessly thrown away in Bill Gates’s trash bin, we were able to glean this information from an article therein entitled “We’re In The Money, The REAL Money!” in which it becomes evident from the exuberant writing that the bad economy that has plagued us since the fall of 2007 was a planned and controlled event by the top corporate forces that run things in our financial world.

Using a series of ingeniously camouflaged, decoyed ploys, the top richest 2% of the world’s moneyed people managed to shift the balance of power so that they effectively controlled 98% of the world’s wealth.

“An amazing economic coup d’ tat!” crowed the article. “The world’s wealth now belongs in our hands where it should be. We have successfully eliminated the middle class and made slaves of the lower class and the managers who direct them.”

It is now apparent that the entire 2007 recession was an economic set up for the takeover by the upper classes of the entire financial systems of the modern world. By ballooning the housing market and shoving banks to the point of bankruptcy, they have successfully impoverished the entire working class by pulling the rug out from under them by attacking them at their most basic needs- their money and their living spaces.

It has successfully put them into such a position of desperation and need that the rich will now have a source of cheap labor for the next decade. Already normal people cannot manage to save any money and are forced to work mind bending hours at low wages just to survive.

There is a great pool of homeless in such difficult straits that they will do anything for work. The brilliant maneuvering of the upper class has successfully stripped the lower and middle classes of whatever power or wealth they had.

“The world is our oyster and the bottom feeders can have our scraps to suck on! Let them eat cake, or, better yet, let them eat the crumbs of ours.” states the article. “We have now replaced God as the top man for them to worship.”

We have missed a great opportunity. Instead of passing a debt ceiling agreement, we should have just let the poop hit the fan and let everything fall though. Bills would go unpaid- then we would learn what our true priorities are and pay those. Continue Reading

Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman bared all in a girl’s all-nude wrestling match to raise money for the Republican Party’s ‘Go For The Gold’ Presidential race. The girls decided they would put their greatest ‘ass’-ets out in public for the greater good of their party.

Having chosen to be patriotic and volunteer my services as towel boy and official mud-putter-onner, I was able to get close to the candidates (real close) while helping them during their fund raiser. (I might note here that it wasn’t just funds that were getting raised during the performance.) Continue Reading

For those wishing to explore the back country of Denali National Park in Alaska, one of the requirements that park rangers insist upon is that avid hikers pack their food in a bear-proof container. Unfortunately, this small, barrel-shaped container also proves itself to be human proof if you don’t carry a screwdriver with you to open it.

Does anyone see the problem with this? Continue Reading

There are many who come to our American shores think they are arriving at a Shangri-La where everyone dines off a silver spoon and delicious, filling, nutritious meals are only a refrigerator away from their satin bedecked table.

Many possessing these TV Land illusions come from places where food is still picked directly from trees or fields and are surprised to find that here it comes in colorful boxes or wrapped in plastic. Boy, are they in for a wake up call! Continue Reading

This is a dasparate kry fer help!
Pleeze reed this and havve mercy on mee!

The other dai I wuz vacuming my room. I puled the atachment off and held it up to my eer to sea if something kloged it. Sudenly it vacumed my brane out! Continue Reading

At some point in every parent’s life, there comes a time when they must explain that very fundamental but mysterious and appealing fact of life to their offspring–the sex act.

(Image courtesy of the brilliant folks at SaintGasoline.com.)

Not an easy task for anyone, including our neighbors around the world. Let’s take a look at how other nationalities, races, cultures and religions handle this most difficult of subjects to discuss with your young ones. Continue Reading