New Thanksgiving Holiday Of ‘Gratitude’ Started For Those Who Must Work On The Real Thanksgiving.

New Thanksgiving Holiday Of ‘Gratitude’ Started For Those Who Must Work On The Real Thanksgiving.

In response to the overwhelming growth of Black Friday and its exploitation of the employees who must work in the service industry labor unions, families, certain compassionate government leaders and religious figures have petitioned and won government approval for a ‘pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving’ to make up for the real Thanksgiving that is now almost a non-existent entity.

So many are having to work on what used to be an almost sacred holiday due to the seasonal avarice of companies such as Walmart, McDonald’s, Target, Home Depot, Best Buy and others who see Christmas only as a platform for making great profits due to peoples sentimentalities and don’t mind killing off another quieter holiday to get their way.

Gratitude, the name for the new holiday, will be just like Thanksgiving food-wise, quiet-wise, family oriented-wise and religious-wise, but will be required by law to actually give people that day off to stay at home and be able to feel what it is like to be human instead of a rat on a never ending economic treadmill. Televised football will also be banned on that day along with all other sports.

The bill presented by the government was immediately labeled socialist by many of the darlings of the Republican Party. Some even went so far as to say that Obama was trying to create an Islamic holiday out of it, but then those same accusers are so far out in their minds that they would think that Mr. Spock from Star Trek is an illegal alien without a work visa. These types are already working on a counter measure that would not only eliminate Gratitude as a holiday, but would also get rid of Thanksgiving altogether too due to it not being as much of a revenue stimulator as Halloween and Christmas. They are well aware that Thanksgiving only makes money only for turkey salesmen and cranberry growers.

Already chain corporations, fast foods franchisees and greedy business owners are working on ways to circumvent, exploit and make money off of the new holiday. Rumor has it as well that the NFL is outraged that the public would even dare to think of having a day with no televised football whatsoever. They are petitioning Congress to claim the new holiday unpatriotic and communistic, even though the NFL has not paid a cent in federal taxes since they were formed.

“Gratitude?” says the big boys behind Black Friday. “Why do the little people need a holiday just to express gratitude? We certainly don’t need one! We never show any!”


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Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

The famous expose website Wakileaks (yes, that is spelled correctly) has successfully tapped into a most intriguing phone call between those two most beloved of dictators in the world- Bashar al-Assad and his Grace Vladimir Putin of Russia. We have the transcript here just as it was translated from the phone tap:


Putin: Hello my old buddy Bashar! How are you doing?

Assad: Ah, Putin! My best friend, my ally, my colleague, the guy who saves my butt! How are you yourself?

Putin: Oh, quite good, old chum. A few miscreant Chechens here and there, but nothing like what you are having to put up with.

Assad: Yes, truly. But there are still a lot of loyal soldiers between me and my miscreants. I have so many who would fight and die for me that even if half of them were to be killed their dead bodies would still make a wall high enough to keep the rebels….er, ‘terrorists’ out!

Putin: Yes, Bashir, you must be careful to use the right terminology these days. Be sure to call them ‘terrorists’ so that we keep the Westerners on our side.

Assad: I bow to your wisdom, Czar Putin! It is your genius that is tearing apart my enemies both in Syria and in the rest of the western world as well. Your latest ploy, to let the rebel Syrian men and families flee through Russia to Norway couldn’t be better! They escape into the one northern land that is not European Union, take seed amongst one of the smallest populated countries in Europe and suddenly we have a force of people to draw upon in one of the richest countries in the world! Brilliant!

Putin: Yes! And the fool westerners do not even question why they do not simply ask for asylum in Russia. As though we would want them. Of course I would have my loyal Cossacks to deal with those who want to settle here just as they dealt with the Jews that we used to have a problem with. Now they are all in Israel or in a cold, unattended, anonymous grave!

Assad: It will be so great when we can begin siphoning some of that abundant oil money they have in Norway to our own causes back here at home. And the rest of the immigrants fleeing to Europe will tear the EU apart better than any atom bomb. Already they are re-erecting the borders that they so proudly tore down back in the ’90’s!

Putin: Indeed! Not to mention draining the economy of those who are having to deal with them. But that is not all. Already the covert plants we put into France have already begun to sow destruction in Paris. Soon Europe will be so Muslimized that it will be like a reverse Crusade! I will remind them of the power of the Soviet bear! This is their fate for the sanctions they levied upon us for taking Crimea! Anything that Russia seizes in its paws shall remain Russian forever and ever!

Assad: Um….speaking of which, Vladimir……do you intend on returning to me those parts of Syria that your planes and your ground troops have taken over fighting the rebels?

Putin: Ahhhh…..yes……of course I do! Whatever would make you think that? I mean….we are comrades! We cannot betray each other.

Assad (sounding somewhat doubtful) Hmmmm…. I remember that famous photo of Russian President Brezhnev giving the East German President Honecker a kiss right before pawning him and all the other Eastern European communist satellites out to the West.

Putin (trying to sound reassuring) Oh, come now Bashar! Do you really think I would betray you like a Jewish Judas?

Assad (speaking levelly) Just in case I mined the Syrian harbor we allow your naval vessels to use.

Putin: Oh……..OK……… guess I better get back to work killing those rebels……..

Assad: Might not be a bad idea. Bye.



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9/12/2001  – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED  – The New New World Order – Part 17

9/12/2001 – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED – The New New World Order – Part 17

The New New World Order
Part 17
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – –

The day was not beginning well for government employee Stan Bues. He regarded the document in his hand seriously. He reread it several times. The second time was to overcome the shock that had paralyzed his whole being from the first reading. The third was to try to read it with a rational steady mind. The fourth was to confirm that the darkness therein was real. It was.

Stan walked up the hall to where his manager was. He knew talking to him would not change things. But there was always the off chance that it would. But both their jobs depended upon total complicity with whatever passed through their agency. Going off on a tangent would threaten it. Being a conformist was the only way to survive many government jobs.

“Sir, it looks like President Cheney is wanting us to expand our spying on the Democratic Party and…..on all Americans as well. It has something to do with a Super computer complex that can record almost unlimited amounts of information.”

His boss was silent for a moment. Bues could tell he did not like this development, but it was impossible for him to guess at the thoughts that were going through his superiors mind. He knew it was not in their policy to do domestic spying, especially on another political party that showed no signs of violent threat to the President. But the whole tone of the agency had changed since Cheney’s ascendance, and now there was a dark, hovering presence over all of them.

“Is it the NSA?” he asked, a hesitancy sounding in his voice.

“Yes.” Bues answered meekly.

“Just do as he says, Bues.” his boss replied, this time without any hesitancy. He ended abruptly and turned, keeping the poker look on his face, although a good portion of his pride had just eroded and fallen away. This was a dark turn of events, loyal Americans being asked to spy on other Americans. But he too could sense the hovering.

Having been the Secretary of Defense was now serving Cheney well. He had never served in the military, had avoided all the hard work and humiliation that comes with being a soldier. Six times he had dodged the draft, yet was handed the most powerful military seat possible. He had been given the position of Secretary of Defense without ever having to put on a uniform himself. Now he could use the knowledge he had gained from the position to manipulate the tides of the war and the tides of fortune.

The war was already producing prisoners of the conflict. Many were suspected of being Al Queda members. Cheney was pulling the strings of the war on the western side. Smith brought before him a report that Cheney had to answer upon.

“Sir, there are now approximately 120 prisoners in Afghanistan that appear to have Al Queda affiliations. We will need to move them out of the prison they are held in now because it will become a focus of attacks to free them. The Generals are suggesting that they be removed out of the country. The question they ask is where. The generals seem to feel that al-Ha’ir Prison in Saudi Arabia would be a good vote.”

Cheney seized on the problem. “Hell no! The Saudi’s are the ones who started this mess in the first place! Half of the assholes flying into the Trade Towers were Saudi’s! They probably bankroll these Taliban jackasses. No, I would like them to be taken totally out of the Mideast. I would love to dump them on the Israelis, but I trust them only a couple iota’s more than the Saudi’s. Europe is not much better. They would probably let them go out of pity.”

“The Generals are also leaning towards Guantanamo.” said Smith evenly.

“Guantanamo…….” pondered Cheney. “No, I want them on true American soil. And I would want them to know they are real prisoners. Guantanamo is too much like their homeland. Warm. Sandy. No, I want them to suffer. Alaska. Alaska would be it. There is a prison in Seward that would do them justice. Let them freeze their asses off. Then if they escape the bears will get them. They would never find their way back to Mecca from there.”

The aide waited patiently until he had finished. “Another question has arisen. What is to be done with them?” When Cheney hesitated he added “How shall they be treated?”

Cheney flashed his nasty smirk. “Bread and water and a whipping every hour would be fine by me. Push them all in a ditch and bury them alive. But I suppose we will have every liberal crying for their sake from here to Paris. Normal prisoner of war treatment I suppose, but we have to make sure that none of these characters ever get a chance to escape.”

“The Generals would like a more specific answer.”

“More specific?”

“To what level shall information be gleaned from them?”

Cheney shrugged and smirked darkly. “Oh, I see. How much shall we play patty-cake with them. As far as I am concerned we can skewer them on pegs like Vlad the Impaler.” He grew more serious. “We need to pull out all stops. We need to do whatever we need to get information from these little pricks. I don’t care if you have to blind them with knitting needles. We need to know what they know. None are innocent. None! They are all like ants over there. What one knows all others know as far as I am concerned.” He stopped and breathed heavily for a moment. “It will all have to be kept secret. Keep it over there in Iraq and Afghanistan as much as possible.” He leaned forward in thought. “There are other countries who will help us. They owe us and they know it. They allow dirty little things to happen in their country and they know how to keep it underground. We don’t need a bunch of people whooping and hollering about us abusing them.” Cheney thought for a moment. “You can pass that on to the Generals.”

The aide duly noted it and swiftly left the room.

“We need someone to keep these do-gooders at the UN at bay. Someone with some bite a true sense of the conservative agenda.” said Cheney.

“Do you have anyone in mind?” asked Penegrin.

Cheney had a spring loaded answer for him. “Bolton. He is a man who can get things done our way. He doesn’t put up with any shit. And when some appears on his plate, he lets everyone know about it.”

“He is a bulldog, isn’t he? He would definitely stick up for our interests, wouldn’t he?”

“That would be his only purpose. Watching out for our own interests is something he is good at. Our interests are the same as his interests. And he is greedy and arrogant. Two good qualities in any Republican.”

Rumsfeld laughed at this. “I never looked at it that way, before. I second that idea. We need to get a lasso around these foreigners from every little dinky country who think they can tell us the way things should go. I wouldn’t mind seeing them get hog-tied every once in a while. And I think Bolton is just the man to do that.”

“Good. I’m glad we see eye to eye on this. Let’s get this on the road.” Cheney returned.

Strings were pulled and unseen negotiations made. John Bolton became the Secretary of State. Wheels beneath the surface began to turn. Underground plans soon began to manifest above ground. A new new world order had begun.

“It is a good thing that we have Bolton in such a strategic position. His bark is bad enough to keep the U.N. pussies at bay. Nobody’s going to try to pull anything over on him.”

“But what does his aggressiveness do for our foreign policy? He alienates a lot of other countries.”

“So what if he does? We need to keep our image up of being a bull dog nation. I think a real pit bull like Bolton does that quite nicely.”

“I think we need to listen to other countries. They have stakes in this whole thing too.” said Administator Bains.

Cheney pulled up close to Bains. “Here is what we can do. You go, listen to them and record what they say. The day I am interested I will come look you up.” Cheney then left in a huff.

Bains looked over at McComb. This nasty guy is our President? How do these things happen?”

“Just wait until he crowns himself Emperor.”

Cheney, walking up the hall, leaned over to McGurty and said, “I wish to God that I could make Bolton my VP. Then we could get things done! Unfortunately he is too far down the ladder and too unpopular. He would be even more acid than DeLay. I could just see the press calling us the Hitler brothers. But then again…..”


– – – – – – – – – –

The complete book of 9/12/2001 is available from under that exact title for $10.00 plus shipping. Now available as an e-book on lulu as well.


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The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

Dolly Darling, the President’s Secretary, excitedly and fearfully puts the finishing touches to the Oval Office, the new lair of her boss Donald Trump. He would be here shortly and she knows all too well how critical he is that everything should be perfect., or at least perfect as Donald Trump sees it. She knocks some lint off the large velvet rendition of Elvis in day glow colors in full rocker mode when he was still young and svelte. It hangs where the portrait of Thomas Jefferson used to.

Dolly dusts off the flashing neon light that screams ‘The Prez’ in eye-irritating flashing fluorescent scarlet above the door to all who come to seek the new Leader’s favor. Dolly Darling is not her real name, but she has used it for so long that she has almost forgotten her actual name. DD was her stage moniker as she moved up through the Atlantic City ranks from cigarette girl to stripper to bartender to Trump’s part-time lover. Now she culminates her career as the secretary to the President of the United States. She has already excitedly told all her friends, but not to her relatives to whom she disappeared years ago.

She hears the Mariachi band coming in that El Grande Hombre (as he wishes to be called by them) has ordered for his entrance into his new digs. “Oh, hello!” She smilingly greets the four dark skinned men dressed up as perfect stereo types of south of the border musicales right down to the over-sized sombreros. It was good they were all of varying height otherwise they would have taken up half the space in the room.

“So, do you speak English?” she asks them in as nice a way as she can. She normally didn’t like having anything to do with people who weren’t WASP’s, but she beamed her best smile and hoped it would work.

“Of course ma’am.” the taller one answered in accent-less English. “El Grande Hombre would put up with nothing less than American born mariachi players. We all have our birth certificates with us just in case.”

“Oh, that is wonderful.” she smiled. She was a bit taken back by his ability to communicate so well. She was used to the bus boys and janitors at Trump’s casinos who wouldn’t learn English if you beat them with a club. “OK! Go ahead and set yourselves up beside the door. He will be here any minute.”

Just as soon as she said that she heard the clip-clopping of Mr. Big’s (as Trump wanted to be called by all Anglo visitors to his new mansion) Allen Edmonds shoes as their hard, expensive soles met the polished marble of the White House’s floor. He, knowing that all Presidents wore these handmade American shoes, immediately ordered a pair and had them picked up by Air Force One. Nothing but the best for the new Prez.

“Hey babe! How’s it shaking?” stated President Trump to Dolly as he flamboyantly entered his new domain. “Is everything ramped up?”

“It is indeed, Mr. President Trump!” replied Dolly, flashing her best smile, despite feeling like there was the onset of an ulcer in her stomach.


The mariachi band started up, playing a tinny version of Hail To The Chief. When finished they smiled broadly thinking they had done well.

The Donald smiled for a moment, then said, “That was great guys! You can go now.” He held the door open for them as they left somewhat sheepishly.

“You got the place all ready, Dolly?”

“I sure do, Mr. Trump…..”

“Aah, aah now Dolly! ‘Mr. President!’ Remember that!”

“Of course, Mr. Trump President.”

Trump gleefully rubs his hands together. “So here I am! The President of the United States! It was destiny! It was Fate! It was a lot of conniving and baby kissing! So what, dear Dolly, is on my agenda for today?”

Dolly looks down at the schedule pad she has in her hands. “You have a meeting with the Governor of Macao over getting the Chinese approval for the Trump Amusement Park and Casino complex there…”

“How much do we have set aside in bribe money for them?”

“Umm….(she looks at her figures) $500,000.”

“Hmmm, that might not be enough, These Chinese officials are getting used to the big money now. Better make it $600,000.”

Dolly writes it down. “OK. After that you have a meeting with European Union officials about taking our share of Syrian refugees…”

“Oh hell! Have them give the refugees hand guns and send them back to Syria! They need to take care of their own troubles! Give them a memo to that effect and send them packing.”

“Oh, yes! President Putin called and wanted to chat about easing sanctions against Russia.”

“Hmm… Yeah, set up a time and I’ll talk to him. We shouldn’t burden him now that he’s become a good Capitalist. We don’t want them sliding back to communism. Also we need to reverse as many Obama policies as possible to make it look like we are really doing something here. Americans have forgotten about Ukraine and Crimea by now anyway.”

A light and buzzer flash on her desk. Dolly looks at it and says “Oh my! Gentlemen from Exxon, Halliburton and Shell Oil are here to see you!”

Trump beams. “My first visitors! Send them in! This shall be a portent of things to come!”

Three big, well dressed, imposing men come into the Oval Office. They all shake hands.

The first man speaks, “Greetings Mr. Big!” Trump beams at this. “I am Wonton Greid from Halliburton. This is Mr. Preise Gouger from Shell Oil and Mr. Merci Les Sleaze from Exxon Mobile Company. We just wanted to meet and congratulate you on your new conquest. It looks like you are set up real nice here.”

“Set up is the right way to put it, gentlemen. So, what can I do you out of today?”

“Oh, we just wanted to make sure we were all riding for the same brand here. Ours, namely.”

The three men all laugh uproariously over this. “Now we know that being as how you are a business man yourself you know how things go here. We all have to scratch each other backs.”

“And line each others pockets!” intercepted the Exxon man.

“Gentlemen, you are now looking at the biggest back scratcher in the United States.” He does a fake bow. “Let me put your fears to rest. As you said, I am a businessman. I know the road. Let me say it this way: Whatever your interests are, they are mine too. I am going to streamline this country so that it more effectively serves you, the industrial bosses of America. No more ‘Ask what can I do for my country.’ Instead it will be “What can this country do for me?” Money is the oil that lubricates this great land and we need lots of it!”

“So that we can get lubricated ourselves!” laughs the Exxon man at his own joke.

“Indeed!” agrees Trump. “And should everything go sour then we always have the American tax payer to bail us out. The set up we’ve had since the ’08 Recession has worked out quite fine so far- they pay the taxes and we use them to keep ourselves afloat!”

“Here, here!” say all three men together boisterously.

“Yes!” said the Shell Oil man enthusiastically. “The very best type of Capitalism there is- Socialized Corporate Bailout!”

“Indeed!” agreed Trump. “Nothing like good business practices to make sure the business comes our way!”

“Well, President Trump, it is great to see that you will be steering this country in the right direction, one very different than that Islamic communistic jungle bunny before you did!”

Trump raises his hand in vow, “I will fully fumigate this office, this government and this society of all democratic pestilence and keep it sanctifingly clean for our new religion, that of getting all you can as quickly and easily as you can.”

“Amen, sir, amen!” said the Halliburton man as they all heartily shook hands and left.

Dolly appears at the door again. “Hillary Clinton is on the phone to give her concession.”

“Oh, good! Put her through!” He listens for her voice. When he hears it he yells through the phone “Loser!” and hangs up. He hisses “Bitch!” under his breath.

Shortly there is another buzz. “President Mr. Trump, there is a Mr. LaPierre from the NRA to see you.”

“Good, good! Send him in.”

A moment later the severe face of the President of the National Rifle Association peeks through the door, a plastered smile across his face.

“Hey there, boss man! How is it going?”

“Great Wayne! Just great! Come on in!”

“I wanted to talk to you about what your stance on guns is going to be.”

“Can you sell them?”

“Oh, we sure can!”

“Then my stance is go for it! I am all for free enterprise as long as you ain’t givin’ them away for free!”

LaPierre chuckles at this. “Oh believe me, Mr. President, that is the only freedom we don’t believe in.”

They both laugh.

LaPierre gets serious again. “There is one other….. small…. trivial thing I wanted to discuss with you. I wanted to see if we could make one, small, slight basically insignificant change to the Constitution if you will.”

“What is that?”

“I think it would do the American public good, and our businesses as well, if we were to expand the Second Amendment to state that not only can we bear arms but also bazookas, cannons, tanks, surface to air missiles, personal fighter jets and a number of other personal paraphernalia. We are finding it rather limiting that individuals here are only allowed to have guns. We could also make billions more if they had some of the harder stuff.”

“And what is my cut of it?”

“’What did you say?”

Trump, somewhat louder, “What is my cut of it?”

“Ohh……um….. 15% of the profits…..”

“What is my cut of it?”

“Ahhhh….20% of it……”

“I seem to be having a hard time hearing you.”

“Oh… I said 25%.”

“Hmm, 25%. that is very generous of you. I think we can work with that amount.”

“Oh, thank you President Trump.”

“That’s Mr. Big….”

“Right, right, Mr. Big. Thank you Mr. Big.”
He keeps repeating this and bowing Japanese style as he exits backwards.

Trump pauses for a minute in reflection, then comes back to himself and buzzes Dolly. “Where are those buttons the Generals were showing me yesterday, Toots?”

Dolly comes in and opens up the top drawer of his desk. “Right here Sir.”

“Ahh so! Any bigger and it would have bit me! Thanks.”

She leaves as he sits down at his desk and contemplates the device. He thinks out load. “Now how did they say to set this thing?” He tinkers with it. “Where are those instructions?” He fishes out a big manual. “Green button- alert. Yellow button- setting up launch cycle. Red button- Attack. Oh yeah! And here a knob that lets you pick which country. Portugal, Senegal, Brazil, Luxembourg…..hmm…that is where I had that bad fish dinner and the waiter was rude. I should take them out. They aren’t much good for anything anyway.” He presses the button. “Oops, I probably shouldn’t have done that. Oh well, the EU can pick up the mess.”

The buzzer buzzes. “There are some veterans from the Iraqi War here to see you Mr. President Trump.”

“Oh God!” murmurs The Trump to himself. “Tell them that the welfare office is down the street. If they come again sic the guards on them. I don’t want to be disturbed for a while!”

He sits back and reflects back for a moment, then says “Hey honey! Do you have the remote for the TV here? Thanks doll!”


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Conspiracy Theories – The Website For The Well Informed Paranoiac

Conspiracy Theories – The Website For The Well Informed Paranoiac

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy Theory # 3,482- Valiant researchers have discovered that dentists around the world have been weaving minute, low grade diamonds into the threads of dental floss for years.

These small specks of the hardest mineral known to man slowly erode the base of teeth with each flossing, eventually leading to the destruction of the enamel protecting their sensitive core.

Once ruined, these teeth provide the dentists with a guaranteed returning customer base. The more teeth filed down by the compromised dental floss, the more the chairs outside their office are filled with fretting patients.

Conspiracy Theories wishes to have these dastardly demolishers of dentin dynamics taken down and dropped into the deepest, dingiest dungeon for their destructive deceptions. And throw in the floss manufacturers for their disgraceful display of depraved deviance as well.

To imagine that this atrocity happened upon American soil makes it all that grimmer of a conspiracy. Who needs head-sawing Muslim terrorists when you have a professional of your own kind willing to destroy your head from the inside out with unscrupulous means?

Conspiracy Theory # 583- Scientists have uncovered a dastardly plot by foreign yogurt makers who are putting an especially aggressive bacteria into their products. The bacteria Lactobacillicus is a live entity that is a necessary part of a healthy intestine. This bacteria keeps the intestines functioning correctly and aid in digestion. The stronger agent being added has such a voraciousness that after digesting the food matter in the intestines it turns and starts feeding on the body itself, causing pains and organ malfunction.

The purpose of this devious undertaking is to weaken and undermine the yuppie element of America who are the main yogurt eaters of America. Most Americans regard the cultured milk product as ‘sissy food’ or weird. The thinking of the evil yogurt producers is that by crippling the yuppies who are the main force behind the computer and high tech industry that they will be helping to sabotage the entire economy of the United States. We hope that this expose will lead to an investigation of these international ‘gut-busters’.

This is but another example of a domestic terrorist plot to help cripple America. Imagine segments of our upper class people all clutching their stomachs in raw agony, screaming for intestinal mercy. The far reaching ramifications of this underhanded act of sabotage could be far reaching. Attacks upon the upper class yogurt eaters could cripple such vital industries as modeling agencies, computer app developers and shopping mall designers. Such underhanded vileness has rarely been fostered upon the American public.


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9/12/2001 THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED A Visit To Kazakhstan Part 16

9/12/2001 THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED A Visit To Kazakhstan Part 16

A Visit To Kazakhstan
Part 16
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The Presidential plane flew high as it began its circling before landing. Although the plane had, of course, precedence over any others landing at the midsized field, this was done as a tactic to ward off enemies who might have successfully hid themselves in the terrain with anti-aircraft weaponry. The high altitude would induce them to shoot, but they would be beyond their range. Satisfied, the plane began its long coast downward.

Cheney gazed out at the Kazakhstan landscape below him. He could already see the State vehicles and personnel awaiting him. Of course a big show would be put on for the President of the mightiest nation on earth. Anything less would be an insult. He thought of how impressive this must be to these backwoods hicks. He thought of how easy it must be to manipulate these people- so bound by a dominant religion, so used to being controlled by the government after being conditioned by the Soviets for so many centuries.

The plane eased itself to the ground. From this angle he could see the banners the crowd awaiting had for him. Too professionally done to be from themselves. No doubt a majority of them were paid a pittance to show up as though being regular, enthusiastic citizens. And no doubt many were part of the security apparatus that couldn’t dare let anything happen to the leader of a country who could squeeze the life out of them if anything disastrous happened to him while he was there.

Russia had become a major player in the world oil industry. In a way the break up of the Soviet Union had hastened their entry into this most capitalistic of enterprises. It made them wake up to the realities of the way the rest of the world worked financially. It also made them realize everything was going to be different from then on.

Kazakhstan, for decades a satellite of the Soviet bear, was now on its own. But of all the ex-Soviet satellites, it stood upon the firmest ground, for under that ground was a wealth of oil, enough to keep the former communist republic from getting buried by the Tsunami shock of having to deal with foreign currencies that had more punch than the disregarded ruble. Oil has, in our century, become an international currency in itself, and a highly valued one.

Realizing their mutual need for each other; the Russians needed the international currency of fluid resources and the Kazakhs needing the support that was suddenly pulled out from under them by the fall of the Iron Curtain, so they supported each other almost as much as in the old days. The Kazakhs pumped the oil, the Russians built the pipelines. Mikhail Khodorkovsky was the Russian whiz and the country’s richest man who put it all together, then President Putin had him thrown in prison and made the oil industry a governmental concern. International financial troubles solved! Everyone wants to be friends with a land that has lots of oil.

Now the United States wanted to be their friend too. Russia, as big as it was, did not need all the oil that Kazakhstan produced. The bright brains of the Pentagon and CIA wanted to make sure we got it before the Chinese or Indians did. Being a Muslim country didn’t make it easy, but they were not as easily inflamed as their counterparts down south over religious matters. They were happy just to have abundant money for the first time in their lives. In a way it made it easier since the Russians didn’t care who they sold it too as long as they got their share. Hence Cheney’s trip. Thought was that if the President himself showed up at their door, they were more likely to open it.

Cheney’s briefing on his visit gave him to believe that it would be an easy journey. Despite their Russian handlers, the Kazakhs were still pretty politically naive, having been cut off from the world for so many years. A visiting American President coming would trump most religious and political sentiment there was. This time, though, there would be no super safe Green Zone to bed down in. Cheney would have to stay at one of the palaces belonging to President Nursultan Nazarbayev . The best hotel in the capital would still be the equivalent of a third tier D.C. dig. Plus the palace offered a greater security. Even in this land there were a few radicals who would love the legendary status of bringing down yet another U.S. President.

That is why Cheney found it odd that President Nazarbayev had so little time to confer with him. Normally this would have tripped off an alarm in Cheney’s head, but with all the other exotic distractions around him Cheney did not think of it as anything strange. After his conversation with Nazarbayev the next day he thought otherwise.

“We are very sorry, President Cheney, but we have already promised 30% of our oil reserves to the Peoples Republic of China. Russia has an automatic 30% of it as well due to our ties with them. For the rest it is easier and more prosperous to ship that which we do not use ourselves to Europe. They are willing to pay what we ask and the pipeline cuts the distance. Should we ever find more reserves of oil we would of course be happy to create a relation with the United States as well.”

Cheney was inwardly gagging. They were being rejected by the Kazakhs. This whole trip had been for nothing.

Leaving had all the pomp and circumstance of his arriving, but somehow it was lost on him. One of the major hopes for America’s energy crisis had been yanked out from under him, and soon the whole world would know of his humiliation. He had to work to hide his sourness the rest of the visit.

On his way back to the U.S. the advisers had set up a number of meetings with the leaders they considered to most important to woo over in the mid-east. It was believed that Cheney held a decent amount of respect with the leaders of the Mideast because they saw him as being a smart, wise, practical leader. They also saw in him his dictatorial style, which they also associated with strength and stability.

Qatar, a small territory of the former United Arab Gulf States was the last on his agenda. Basically an oil-less land on the Arabian Sea, Qatar had made up for this defect by being the broker for a huge amount of transactions between all the Arabic lands, skillfully weaving relationships between even the most radical of them. At this they had been quite proficient, reaping enough profits from their managerial skills to open world class hotels and resorts and making themselves a place to go on the world map. While not as successful or as magnificent as Dubai, they had none the less done fantastically well for a small desert country.

Qatar being an important cog in the Middle East world, Cheney’s advisers had suggested he pay a visit to the tiny nation. They were seen as a line of communication with Iran and the US opposed Muslims in that part of the world. Their open minded policies even made them a possibility as an intermediary between Israel and all those nations surrounding them that wouldn’t mind seeing the Jewish state dissolved. But, compared to the powerhouse oil countries like Kuwait and Saudi Arabia they were still small fish. Cheney would only be spending one night there and leaving the next day.

All went well until the final dinner just hours before Cheney was to fly out. Shamakol, the Diplomat for Qatar, had had enough of Cheney. His tongue loosened from the irritation that had grown in him and from the wine that was officially illegal in Qatar, but only among the lower castes of the country. He was an expert at needling people he didn’t like and had already started a subtle acupuncture on Cheney.

“So now with the violence of 911 America has experienced what the much of our world experiences on a daily basis.”

Cheney’s eyes flashed. “What do you mean by that?” he asked, a harshness unconsciously slipping into his voice.

“I mean just what it sounds like. America has gotten back a little of its own medicine.” retorted Shamakol.

Before he could think, Cheney’s hand whipped out and struck the smaller man across the cheek. The diplomat’s hand went to his face in pain and he reeled unsteadily. His body guard in trained reaction came forward towards Cheney, his hand going towards a gun in his belt. The Secret Service man quickly stepped in front of the President going under his jacket for his as well giving the Qatari man a meaningful glare. The body guard halted, but didn’t back down, keeping his hand where it was. U.S. President or not, his job was to protect the representative of his country. They glared at each other, neither willing to budge.

Cheney recovered himself and realized his mistake. This would be in every paper in the world by the next morning. His voice still had an angry edge as he said, “Let’s go. We’ve got somewhere else to be.” He cast a still angry look at the diplomat. Shamakol caught this and spit out “Yes, this is how America acts!” As Cheney’s back continued up the hall he raised his voice “America has no respect for any other land! Or for anyone!”

Cheney did not react to the accusation, merely showed his stony face to the man. He knew already how wrong he was in striking the man, but inside himself thought “How true, how true.”

Cheney was awakened at one AM that night. It is probably the worst time to find him in a bad mood.

“What is it? He demanded in a surly tone, not being awake enough to remember where he was or that he was in a foreign land.

“Neal, Sir.” answered the Secret Service man. “We have a code Red, sir. We need to get you out of here. The word has gone around about your incident with the diplomat and the local people are getting uptight about it. We have the plane ready.”

The shock of the news pulled Cheney roughly out of his sleep. “I’ll be ready in five minutes.” he called back. He knew he had made a bad mistake with striking Shamakol. Now it had blossomed into major trouble. He had angered the local populace. And he was a white man in a dark country. And he was in a Muslim land with all the attendant sensitivities to watch out for.

Cheney got dressed and hurriedly packed his bag for a quick exit.

The Presidential limo was waiting when he exited the Palace. The whole energy of everyone working to get him out of the country was controlled panic. As he passed through the airport he could already see clusters of people along side the road appraising his vehicle and its content. As they whisked through the down town a few rocks hit the vehicle. Behind him he could hear the rattle of a machine gun. The President surmised to himself that whoever had been responsible for the rocks had now been answered back with bullets.

The limo pulled up directly next to the plane. As Cheney mounted the stairs to the plane he could hear a roar of voices far behind him. The skin crawled on the back of his neck and a clammy perspiration seeped out of his back. An ease came over him as the heavy door shut and he heard the airlock take hold. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to totally relax until the bird was high in the sky and away from this infernal land.

As the jet finally took off he could see a few crowds of people viewing his departure and shaking their fists. Suddenly the sky seemed so inviting to him. And so comforting.


– – – – – – – – – –

The complete book of 9/12/2001 is available from under that exact title for $10.00 plus shipping. Now available as an e-book on lulu as well.


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WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

The famed web expose site WikiLeaks scored a mammoth coup this week with its hidden camera surveillance of the Assad/Putin meeting in Moscow.

The leader of Syria and the President of Russia were presumably meeting to discuss their mutual concerns about the rebellion in Syria. The hidden tapes revealed much more than that.

The following is a direct transcript of the meeting of the two dictators translated into English: Continue Reading


Posted in Strange People, War Zone0 Comments

Good God No! Disney Has Turned Star Wars Into A Musical!

Good God No! Disney Has Turned Star Wars Into A Musical!

Unbeknownst to the press and we Star Wars geeks, Disney has insisted that Director J.J. Abrams make the upcoming seventh installment of the Star Wars mega-franchise a musical, hoping to continue Disney’s legacy of hit making song and dance movies such as Mary Poppins and Frozen.

Abrams was fiercely opposed to this idea until made to think otherwise by an oversized Wookie henchman who threatened to rip his arms off.

Bringing in the musical team that put together the lyrics and sound to go with them for Disney’s big hit Frozen, the creators have come up with the following tunes that were covertly given to us by a disgruntled Jawa from the new film Wikileaks style. Continue Reading


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9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 15  The Fault Lines of Washington

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 15 The Fault Lines of Washington

The Fault Lines of Washington
Part 15
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The hot fault-lines that ran under the surface in Washington were beginning to rise to the top.
Arguments between the sharply divided liberals and republicans were getting more frequent and fierce. Continue Reading


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Assad Needs To be Taken Out NOW!!!

Assad Needs To be Taken Out NOW!!!

There are Syrian refugees risking their lives fleeing to the shores of Greece and overrunning every country between their homeland and Germany.

Many of those staying behind are being brutally murdered and maimed in their own homes and streets.

The finances and resources of the countries taking in the refugees are being badly strained. Great unrest is being fomented in all the lands surrounding Syria.

This is basically all because of one man- Bashar al-Assad, the President of Syria. Continue Reading


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Putin Puts In His Pugnacious Presence to Punitively Preempt and Perhaps Plunder the Syrian Proceedings Plight

Putin Puts In His Pugnacious Presence to Punitively Preempt and Perhaps Plunder the Syrian Proceedings Plight

Obama and other world leaders were sitting around the UN private lounge contemplating what to do about the Syrian crisis that was disturbing all of the Mideast and Europe. Depression had set in due to the difficulties that had arisen over the situation that seemed to escalate no matter what their efforts were. And it all was basically because of one man- Bashar al-Assad, the dictator of Syria.

The X-Box like control mechanism that determined the bombings of the day lay on a table between them. No one had the enthusiasm to touch it.

Suddenly the door burst open and an energetic presence entered.

“Greetings Comrades. I am here to solve the Syrian problem!” The unusually smiley face of Vladimir Putin greeted all the seated dignitaries as he hurriedly went around the circle of sofas shaking hands. “I am the answer to all your difficulties!”

The guests, at first stunned by his unexpected entrance, slowly woke up from their trance. German Chancellor Angela Merckel was at first upset by his appearance as it was well known he had been a KGB agent in her country of East Germany during the Cold War. Quickly, though, the present day situation came back to her and she applauded his being there. “Oh good! Now we have some real forces to help battle ISIS!” she stated.

President Obama wasn’t quite as enthusiastic, but he knew that Putin taking part in the action would relieve some of the pressure off of him. He put out his hand to shake and said as cheerful a “Welcome” as he could muster considering his past interactions with the Russian top dog.

The other Heads of State, mostly European Prime Ministers, nodded or bowed to Putin as they gripped his hand. The Saudi prince who was there continued to sleep soundly at his end of the sofa as he had done little to help the whole time he had been there already and the others, including Putin, just left him to his sleep.

Once he had made the rounds Putin clasped his hands together and asked “OK, where is that bombing control?”.

“Right there on the table.” John Kerry pointed out. With an afterthought he added “Remember, we are only bombing the ISIS areas!”

“Of course, of course!” said Putin softly, concentrating more on the control stick and not on what was being said.

“Right good of you to join us.” Stated British Prime Minister David Cameron commendingly.

“Are you getting the hang of it?” asked French President Francois Hollande of the Russian President.

“I have much experience…..” answered the Russian demi-god focused intently on the screen before him as he fervidly manipulated the control. “…much experience….”

Obama thought to turn on the large viewer screen on the wall so that they all could see what Putin was doing.

It wasn’t pretty.

“Hey!” said John Kerry “You are hitting all of our Syrian allies down there! What are you doing?”

Putin was totally absorbed by what he was doing and ignored him.

Obama rose from his couch. “You can’t do that! We agreed to only go after ISIS!”

“ISIS, terrorists- all the same. I take care of them once and for all now.”

“”But….but ….. that is not the proper way to do things internationally!” stuttered John Kerry,the Secretary of State, astounded at Putin’s gall. “That goes against all codes of social ethics! It goes against the Geneva Convention!”

“Russia does not need ethics or Geneva Convention. Russia big enough to do what it wants.” The Russian President said over his shoulder as he rained bombs down upon a anti-Assad village.

“What shall we do?” whispered all the participants to one another. No one had an answer. They did not want to anger the Russian bear.

Overhearing this Putin finally raised his head from his very special game. “I know what I do.” he said with a finality. “I take control myself!” and with that ripped the control out of the socket, grabbed the machine it was attached to and stormed out of the room.

The Heads of State all looked at each other quizzically not knowing what to do. Finally they all shrugged and said “Well, I guess it is all out of our hands now. Hey, what is the dessert today down at the restaurant?”


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9/12/2001  – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 14

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 14

Part 14

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The cleaners were already to tidy up after the meeting with the fat cats. Peterson was the only one left in the room. Cheney kept on talking; the vein of conversation had touched an important core in him and he would not stop it. He talked on, not realizing that Peterson was not in total agreement with what he said. Continue Reading


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A German Farmer Hears A Knock Upon His Door Early One Morning

A German Farmer Hears A Knock Upon His Door Early One Morning

A German farmer hears a knock upon his door early one morning. Upon opening it he is greeted by the sight of a bedraggled immigrant family outside with a number of children. They are wearing tattered and torn clothes native to their area of the globe.

“Good day!” says the lightly bearded, smiling man in heavily accented English who must be the father of the family.

“We have just snuck across your border and would like to get the generous asylum that you Germans offer. We escaped from our country where we have never learned to get along or assimilate with the minorities in our own land and have infighting within our own religious sects to the point where we are willing to brutally kill, maim and blow each other up. Due to the negativities in our religious and political beliefs we are unable to maintain a stable government and resort to killing and imprisoning each other over petty things.”

“We subjugate our women, our children and our minorities to the point where they cannot even maintain any sort of profitable or independent lifestyle. Our women are virtual slaves to every lust or drudgery we men inflict upon them by men from childhood to adulthood.”

“Our religion and our police state regimes keep us so backward socially that we are eternally in poverty and so crippled intellectually that we still exist at a medieval level and are unable to compete financially with the rest of the world around us.”

“That is why we are escaping our negative society and wandering to your land so that you can clothe and feed us and give us monetary handouts and jobs and welfare and all the other benefits that your people have worked for decades to develop.

We feel that because we are poor and unwilling to face the problems we have in our own lands we will invade your and share our problems with you. We watched closely for the last couple decades as you took in and sheltered immigrants from every other catastrophe in the European area and feel you are obligated to do the same with us.”

“To get here we paid what little money we had to criminals to illegally bring us to your western lands against the will of your leaders at great risk to ourselves, our wives and our children. We then showed disrespect for the borders and laws of every country we tramped through to get here and rejected offers of asylum at those places because we know Germany is the golden goose of Europe and we can get richer here.”

“Once established here we will refuse to fully adapt into your land, form our own enclaves and our young will eventually become angry with you and plot against you to your own disadvantage.”

“So, where are the apartments you must give us and the food and the clothing?”

While all this was being said, the German farmers very old mother doddered slowly up to the door and listened in to what was being said.

“Himmel willen!” she cried. “We rebuilt this land back up from the ashes after an Austrian, another Auslander, came in and dictated what we were to do and how. We had to clean up after his mess and I don’t see why we should have to clean up after yours too!” She then slammed the door in his face.

The Mideast father was stunned by this for a moment, then finally turned to his wife and said, “OK, let’s try the next farmhouse.”


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9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 13

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 13

Part 13
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Rumsfeld entered the office, his hands tightly clenching a bunch of papers signaling that something was up.

“Dick, France is not going along with the idea of attacking Iraq. Chirac has already made a press conference stating so.” Continue Reading


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Serious Commentary0 Comments

A Deeper Look Is Needed – The Immigrant Problem

A Deeper Look Is Needed – The Immigrant Problem

There is a failure in our modern media to take a deeper look at the roots of the problems that ours and other societies are facing in the world.

At present a huge wave of immigrants are racing across the Mediterranean to Europe to claim their stake in it. Most are fleeing the conflict in Syria; others are escaping the poverty in their third world countries like Afghanistan or Sudan. Continue Reading


Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary3 Comments

Google Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.

Google Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.

Barney Google googled Google just to ogle the googles about Gooble.
The googles that Google googled had oodles of googles about Google.
There is a gargantuan glossary of googles about Googles.
Gaggles of Google groupies google Google all the time. Continue Reading


Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

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