Trump Being A President Is As Battery Acid Is To Being A Skin Conditioner.

Here, I’ll help you out with the first few. Read ‘Trump is to being President as…’ and then finish the sentence with any of the phrases that are listed below. Don’t worry, it’s easy!

Trump is to being President as:

french fries are to being a gourmet meal.

the Edsel is to being a Grand Prix winner.

boxing is to being a Sunday church event.

syphilis is to being a factor in a date’s attractiveness.

(OK, you should have the gist of it now. You are on your own from here on). Read more Trump Being A President Is As Battery Acid Is To Being A Skin Conditioner.

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How Much We Do Forget – Our Fights With Cuba, Iran and Socialism And How We Caused Them

My, My! How much we do forget!

Obama tried to connect with our old foes Cuba and Iran to smooth out the decades old conflicts and make the world a more friendly place. However, now Mr. President Grinch has decided to throw them back to the corner of the ring and start boxing with them again. Sigh! Some dictators always need a punching bag enemy to entertain their publics.

We say that Cuba is our enemy because they are communist and that the Russians tried to put missiles there against us. All true, but what made them become communist? Don’t know? It’s because that is one of the many things those history books in high school that we hated so much didn’t tell us about. It is an embarrassing part of our legacy- we supported a dictator. His name was Batista. Although at first a genuine hero of Cuba and a Socialist (!), he later de-evolved into the worst of the Franco clones of that time, torturing perceived enemies and repressing Constitutional rights, including ones he himself introduced in 1940. He let American interests seize control of most of Cuba’s major businesses ( the golden phone in the Godfather 2 movie was a real thing!) in return for kickbacks and let the American mafia turn the island into a literal brothel. Read more How Much We Do Forget – Our Fights With Cuba, Iran and Socialism And How We Caused Them

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Fun Any Time Of The Year – Specialty Haunted Houses

In the latest craze to hit the horror fan crowd are Haunted Houses designed for very specific groups. Each is tailor made to scare the bone marrow out of their target audience-

Gun Nut Horror House- Specially made to scare the beejeebees out of gun nuts everywhere. Projectors flicker images of headlines across the walls of pending legislation to control guns in different regions of the U.S.. A special theater constantly shows films in which gun wielders are done in by people, soldiers, mutants, monsters, space aliens, super heroes, etcetera who wipe them out with advanced technology or brute strength. For those with a survivalist bent there are also films in which an environmental, interplanetary, viral etc. disaster wipes out mankind including themselves. This house is enough to leave even the meanest cowboy trembling in his boots.

Liberal Horror House- Horrors of a Republican dominated government are the main theme of this scary house. Ronald Reagan, Bob Dole and Ann Coulter disguised zombies roam the halls terrorizing the Democratic pure of heart and munching on whatever brains they might have. The terror of hanging chads, redistricted neighborhoods, anti abortion laws and Scott Walker Presidential nominations are enough to give any liberal nightmares. Especially horrifying is Sean Hannity garbed as Dracula with a thirst for blue blood. FOX News provides the background soundbites. Read more Fun Any Time Of The Year – Specialty Haunted Houses

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Just In Time For Halloween! – A Tour Of The Saudi Consulate In Istanbul (aka ‘Middle-Eastern Torture Chamber’)


Here we go boys and girls! A fun and horror filled tour awaits at the notorious Saudi Arabian Consulate in Istanbul, now infamous for the mysterious disappearance of Saudi dissident journalist Jamal Khashoggi last week. Mr. Khashoggi entered there to take care of business, never to come back out again. It appears that the Saudi monarchy decided to take care of its business with Mr. Khashoggi once and for all, and it wasn’t particularly diplomatic. Now, to make up for losses, the building owners have decided to cash in on the notoriety and make it into a haunted house for Halloween for all the Western tourists coming into the country.

Be sure to see all these attractions inside the compound – Read more Just In Time For Halloween! – A Tour Of The Saudi Consulate In Istanbul (aka ‘Middle-Eastern Torture Chamber’)

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To ‘Kowtow’ – An Unfortunate New Habit Imported From China


kow·tow
ˌkouˈtou/
verb
1.
Act in an excessively subservient manner.
“She didn’t have to kowtow to a boss.”
Synonyms:
Grovel to, be obsequious to, be servile to, be sycophantic to, fawn over/on, cringe to, bow and scrape to, toady to, truckle to, abase oneself before, humble oneself to.
2.
HISTORICAL
Kneel and touch the ground with the forehead in worship or submission as part of Chinese custom.
Synonyms:
Prostrate oneself before, bow (down) to/ before, genuflect to/before, do/make obeisance to/before, fall on one’s knees before, kneel before
“They kowtowed to the Emperor.”

(Definition courtesy of Wikipedia)

Kowtow is a Chinese word that we Westerners and, yes, we Americans are starting to learn the true meaning of. It means to bow down before someone, to grovel, to be subservient. Unfortunately, we are doing it increasingly towards the inventors of the word. Read more To ‘Kowtow’ – An Unfortunate New Habit Imported From China

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The Great American Novel Has Finally Been Written! Which of Trump’s New Books Is It?

Getting ready for the day he leaves office, (which might not be far away), President-Select Trump has a whole host of ghost-written books all ready for publication to make sure he stays in the public spotlight long after the Oval Office lights fade. (Also to make sure the mullah keeps rolling in; he is getting up there in years, after all!)

Maybe You Can’t Fool All The People All The Time, But I Am Going To Give It a Try Any Way.

The Power of Obnoxiousness – An Awesome Tool To Becoming To Gaining Power And Becoming Really Rich.

As President, I Am The Biggest Winner Of All And You Are All Losers. Read more The Great American Novel Has Finally Been Written! Which of Trump’s New Books Is It?

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Future NRA Investment Projects In Keeping With Their Violent Tradition

The NRA, reeling after the public notice of their being cash strapped as of late, have decided to expand their financial base of interests to survive. Since their specialized focus of interest are items of destruction it only follows that their business interests would reflect that.

The National Rifle Association bought up 30% of Dow/DuPont’s holdings in napalm, the flesh burning gel made famous and popular during the Vietnam War for adding more inhumanity to an already inhuman war. When asked why the NRA chose this particular substance to put money into, the answer given by a spokesman (the NRA does not believe in ‘spokespersons’) was that:

It can git (sic) the people hiding that bullits (sic) can’t! Sance (sic) the NRA at its roots is about killin’ (sic) fur (sic) fun, why not include napalm, a time-tested, proven fun killer?

Also heavily invested into was flesh-eating bacteria, a somewhat strange choice as the horrible disease that has deprived people of their limbs and lives has no apparent market value, and science has not found a cure or preventive for it. Again, a spokesman has stated:

While there is as yet not a commercially viable use for it, an imaginative person could come up with all sorts of creative uses for it…

This had a quieting effect on the minds of the audience listening, and a collective gasp once the full meaning of this answer settled in.

Land mines, a throwback to an icon of the last two World Wars, is making a comeback in less developed lands; the NRA. being keen on developing financial opportunities in other countries, has seized on it. When asked if any of these newly invested mines would be used to hurt American soldiers the answer was.

Of course we don’t want our boys to get hurt by them, but once they leave our warehouses we can’t be responsible for whosever hands they end up in, just like handguns.

An ironical statement if there ever was one.

An even further throwback- guillotines- has also caught the organization’s wandering eye and wallet.

They may seem very archaic, but when it comes to causing human misery and violent death, it is hard to ignore this device’s impact. And, as every one knows, we are really into anything that has to do with violence!

Heroin and meth rate highly on the NRA’s investment program as, kilo for kilo, these normally illegal drugs are one of the most profitable commodities there are. The NRA also promises to fight as viciously and mercilessly as they do already with guns to get these substances legalized.

After all, it is all about the freedom!

again stated their very hard working and seemingly ethic-less spokesman. An added side venture is that in entering a business territory normally dominated by violent cartels, the NRA’s investment would greatly help out their semi-automatic and automatic gun sales.

Stock shares in Agent Orange have gone up since the NRA invested millions into it. The defunct and illegal chemical agent responsible for horrifying deformities in Vietnam is now getting a fresh life despite it being forbidden by almost every country on earth.

We will see about changing that…

stated the NRA’s formidable chief lawyer with a wink and a nod.

Lastly, the NRA also has put opt stock options on opening up the market for medieval torture devices from the Inquisition just because they thought they were really cool.

 

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Semi Humorous Meetings With Strange Creatures In The Night

The following are real life experiences:

It was my first time to Steamboat Springs in Colorado. As was my usual way of traveling in my younger days, I planned on camping out in the rough – i.e., no tent; only a tarp for rain cover. I climbed up a mountain side on the outside of town and found myself on the top of a cliff over looking a deep ravine containing a tumbling river. The cliff I stood on was scary high, but had a barren, partially flat top just right for sleeping. The cliff to the river was frightening, but there was a very short fence that would awaken me if I happened to roll that way although I was sleeping perpendicular to the the edge of it. I tucked in for the night. Read more Semi Humorous Meetings With Strange Creatures In The Night

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The Yahoo Comments Page Tears Up Cheeky Russian Spy’s Fundraiser to Save Her Butt (& Other Naughty Bits)

Once again, the Yahoo comments pages proves to be the best satire site going. Maria Butina, the pro NRA Russian gun advocate and good Trump friend (what Russian isn’t nowadays) has been accused of spying on the U.S. and wasn’t above using sex to accomplish that. It seems that the barrels of her guns weren’t the only things that were hot when Ms. Butina was around. Read more The Yahoo Comments Page Tears Up Cheeky Russian Spy’s Fundraiser to Save Her Butt (& Other Naughty Bits)

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The Unofficial & Definitely Un-Presidential Meanings of ‘POTUS’

Our national beloved-love of acronyms has brought us a new term for our fearless Fuhrers. The term, which took me a while to understand (as everyone tells you acronyms but doesn’t bother to translate them for you!) is ‘POTUS’ – the initials standing for ‘President Of The United States.’ Read more The Unofficial & Definitely Un-Presidential Meanings of ‘POTUS’

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Have A Trump-Free Day!

It is time to institute a new holiday into our already heavily laden days-off agenda. (Our brethren government employees always want more excuses for days off!)

With the sudden stress that has seized the nerves of our entire nation due to the radical changes in politics these last two years ,we need a cooling off period; much like what is going on with the Fukishima nuclear reactor that was totaled by a tidal wave on the Japanese coast a while back. We need a time out, a recess, a nappy time…

Just like Miss Julie used to give us in kindergarten, when she herself needed a break from us kids; rather than having a breakdown herself!

Much of the cause of this stress for many U.S. citizens (and a lot of people in the rest of the world as well!) is our Commandant in Chief… Read more Have A Trump-Free Day!

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Trump Comes Up With His Own Version Of The Pledge Of Allegiance

Commandant Trump, expanding his power over we serf’s everyday life in keeping with his expanding ego, has taken it upon himself to rewrite the Pledge of Allegiance, a cornerstone of American heritage. His version, ghost written by Kellyanne Conway with content and spell-checking by Ann Coulter, differs greatly from the Pledge of Allegiance we all grew up with. Trump states that it “better reflects our current times and realities” (content and spell-checking also by Ann Coulter). Read more Trump Comes Up With His Own Version Of The Pledge Of Allegiance

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Brainy Sacramento Solve Police Brutality Problem: African Americans Banned from Carrying Cell Phones!


Most of you will have seen the recent scandal where the police shot an unarmed black man multiple times in the back while he was standing in his own grandmother’s back yard, holding a cell phone that officers mistook for a gun. Read more Brainy Sacramento Solve Police Brutality Problem: African Americans Banned from Carrying Cell Phones!

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