A Message For Trump’s Minions Worded In The Vernacular You Understand Best

A Message For Trump’s Minions Worded In The Vernacular You Understand Best

In a bow to our supposed new President I submit this missive attempting to recreate the style of communicating that he does best in order to express myself properly to those who elected him. This letter, this message, this fatal death rattle is intended for those who brought him to power, to those who so loyally follow and support him. I will put aside my normal filtration of speech and mildly PC manner to which I am used to. I begin-

You stupid f—kheads! Do you have any idea what you have done? By voting for this arrogant bastard from a whore mother you have flushed America down the toilet! Thanks for inflicting your alcohol induced conception of what a President should be on the rest of us!

Do you really believe the bulls—t he spouts? Are you that f—king stupid? He is the greatest con artist since PT Barnum! And the circus he starts will be just as great. Continue Reading

Posted in Top Stories0 Comments

Presidents & First Ladies: USA Before and After

Presidents & First Ladies: USA Before and After

Here’s a quick guide to how the First Family has changed… between the Obamas and the Trumps!

from-a-class-mn0jfn to-an-ass

Posted in Politics, Top Stories1 Comment

Frantic, Last Ditch Effort To Throw The Election- HACKED TRUMP EMAILS EXPOSED!!!!!!!

Frantic, Last Ditch Effort To Throw The Election- HACKED TRUMP EMAILS EXPOSED!!!!!!!

On the eve of the 2016 U.S. Presidential elections the notorious expose website Wakileaks has released thousands of hacked emails from Donald Trump’s private server. The exact source of the email leak has not been officially ascertained, but it is suspected that they originated from the tiny hermit kingdom of Bhutan which is known to have only one computer powered by 10 D batteries taped together. It is believed that the hermit Buddhist nation wants to throw the election over to the Hillary side.

Foremost amongst the emails are nude photo attachments of Melania Trump which the world news media, mostly men, have spent most of their time investigating. Of lesser interest to them are the coup plots against other sovereign nations, casino money laundering, shady business deals with the Russians and plans for building Alaskan gulags for registered Democrats.

Outstanding amongst the exposed emails are: Continue Reading

Posted in Politics3 Comments

Glossy News Contributor Ebook Showcase 2: Rfreed’s ‘9/12/01′

Glossy News Contributor Ebook Showcase 2: Rfreed’s ‘9/12/01′

Rfreed’s 9/12/01 is an alternate history novel with a single, intriguing premise. The blurb expresses the underlying concept quite nicely: Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Entertainment0 Comments

2016 Presidential Bumper Stickers For The Rest Of Us.

2016 Presidential Bumper Stickers For The Rest Of Us.

PLEASE – JUST HOLD THE ELECTION NOW AND GET IT OVER WITH! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE!


Did anyone else notice that we ultimately are allowed only two choices?


I turned on the TV and thought it was a beauty pageant until I saw Bernie.


Do I really have to wait until after November before I get my regular TV programming back?


Personally, I want Angela Merkel to run. Continue Reading

Posted in Politics0 Comments

Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016

Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016

Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016

If Donald Trump wins the Presidential election he will consider all of us to be ‘losers’.

If the Occupiers of the wildlife refuge took over the land there, wouldn’t they probably shoot all the ducks? Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Strange Things Happen When You Have a Rock Band With Dave Barry And Stephen King In It. Maybe A Little Too Strange……

Strange Things Happen When You Have a Rock Band With Dave Barry And Stephen King In It. Maybe A Little Too Strange……

It all started very normally. It was a usual, quiet evening with the Rock Bottom Remainders setting up their equipment for another gig.

OK, actually, the Rock Bottom Remainders are not really so very normal. Their roster is made up of all famous literary and artistic people like Dave Barry the humor writer, Stephen King the horror novelist, Amy Tan the fictionalist, Mitch Albom an author, Matt Groening the creator of the Simpsons and Ray Blount Jr. another humor writer. Together they equal fully half of the literary output of the entire United States with King supplying the entire creative output of the state of Maine. And, yes, this is a real group. And they really do go around and perform together. Honest!!! Continue Reading

Posted in Entertainment, Music0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – The Bitter End

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – The Bitter End

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
The Very Bitter End
Part 23 – Last Installment

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

The meeting had gone well. Everyone present was satiated, not only with the smorgasbord of good news but also with the rich foods that filled their bellies. Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

The Problem Began With Cows- The Oregon Wildlife Refuge Standoff

The Problem Began With Cows- The Oregon Wildlife Refuge Standoff

The problem begins with the cows.

They don’t belong here in the first place. Continue Reading

Posted in Strange People, Top Stories0 Comments

North Korean Jokes (As Though The Country Isn’t Enough Of a Joke On Its Own).

North Korean Jokes (As Though The Country Isn’t Enough Of a Joke On Its Own).

North Korean Jokes (As Though The Country Isn’t Enough Of a Joke On Its Own).

Why did the North Koreans run over the border to eat South Korean’s lawns?
They heard the grass was greener on the other side.

How many North Koreans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three – One to hold another on his shoulders to change it and one to explain what a light bulb is in the first place.

Why should we not be afraid of a North Korean H bomb?
Because they would have to use a fishing boat to deliver it and they never make it beyond fifty miles off shore. Continue Reading

Posted in Politics4 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 22

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 22

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
Changing Alliances
Part 22

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

Sinchesi Yang waited in his pill box alone. The morning sun had just crested the mountains behind him sending a bright blaze of color and light across the sea stretching before him. Somewhere just beyond that blaze was the mainland of China. He watched the horizon carefully, knowing that somewhere over there were men who would kill him and any other soldier they came across on sight. He knew they would be ruthless. And they would come quickly. It was only a question of when. Taiwanese intelligence had briefed them on being extra vigilant these next few days. That and other preparations had tipped him off. He knew they were coming. All the higher officials were ill at ease and smoking more than they usually did. It was a sixth sense that he at times had since childhood. Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics0 Comments

Weirder Than A Stephen King Novel – A Rock Band With King and Dave Barry In It. Let Me Introduce You To The Rock Bottom Remainders!!!

Weirder Than A Stephen King Novel – A Rock Band With King and Dave Barry In It. Let Me Introduce You To The Rock Bottom Remainders!!!

Unannounced to most of us, one of the most incredible rock and roll groups has passed before us and we didn’t even notice it. Maybe most of us were too stoned to catch it.

This group was named The Rock Bottom Remainders and should have made the cover of the Rolling Stone except for one problem- it was made up of mostly literary figures. The thought of listening to people involved heavily with books and articles is enough to send most hard core rockers into a catatonic state. Stephen King, of course, is famous for his many best selling horror stories such as Carrie, The Dead Zone, Cujo and so many others that he himself cannot remember all of them. Dave Barry is the famed humor writer who won the Pulitzer Prize for his hilarious newspaper columns and has written several best selling books himself. (One wonders what the Pulitzer Prize statuette for humor looks like- clowns jumping out of a golden Volkwagen Beetle?) Continue Reading

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 21

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 21

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
The Rumsfeld Synopsis
Part
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

Rumsfeld took the news surprisingly well. His dismissal had been engineered so carefully that it came as no insult, although it was a bit embarrassing to the old man. But he knew that it was getting to be time to go out to pasture. He had worked hard enough in his life that he could now enjoy the fruits of his labor. He knew that with all the sudden changes in the world that a younger man was perhaps needed to take care of things. He guessed that Bolton had been chosen to push through any agenda Cheney wanted, something that Rumsfeld himself was getting too old to do. Continue Reading

Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Conspiracy Theories #4 – Enough To Write A Book About

Conspiracy Theories #4 – Enough To Write A Book About

Conspiracy Theories #4 – Enough To Write A Book About

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy Theory #9204 – You expect threats from enemies overseas. You expect them from drug gangs, from international racketeering outfits, from hate groups and religious fanatics. But you don’t expect them from your nearest neighbor, someone you trusted for years and built a relationship with. But you should.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that nearest and dearest neighbor of ours has turned out to be a Brutus, stabbing us in the back even as it smiles in our face. Dear readers, it is with the most extreme of difficulty and regret that we here at Conspiracy Theories must inform you that Canada, our brother to the north, has been running a threat to our well being that has gone on for some time now.
And what, pray tell, could those soft spoken, seemingly well balanced and happy Kanucks possibly have done to us, you ask?
Movable borders.

 

Yes, movable borders.

Something the Mexicans never thought of.

For decades our so-called neighbors to the north have been going out at night an digging deep at the foundations of the minimal fence we have separating us and, once free of its base, moving it a few feet further south every night.
Ingenious!
So far our bastardly border bandit has managed to gain three miles of true blue American soil that can now be called true red Canadian. Several farm owners have awakened one morning to find themselves the citizens of another country and been forced to give allegiance to them. The Kanucks are even so under handed as to uproot the U.S. sentry posts with the sentries sleeping inside and move them imperceptibly a few meters south (we must use meters here as that is the only measurement that the Kanucks understand).
American officials finally got wise to this outrageous scam when the Bargemont, Idaho post office suddenly found itself in Alberta.
Tense negotiations have gone on in the days since the discovery of this fiasco between Canadian and U.S. border authorities, but have come to nothing. The Canadians just say “the borders have always been there” while glancing wistfully up into the air and start humming the Canadian anthem to themselves. Americans who find themselves trapped on the other side often do not protest their plight as the men are bribed with having any slender, well rounded Canadian damsel they want and the Yank women with having any hunky Canadian male they want with a case of domestic Scotch thrown in.
More on this as it develops.

Conspiracy Theory #6583 – A number of Mexican food manufacturers have conspired to infiltrate the very bodies we live in here in America and make our lives thereby miserable.
The beans used in many popular Mexican dishes has long been know to create gaseous disturbances once on the road to digestion in our innards. ‘Tooting’ is a well known companion at Mexican food festivities. Truly evil Mexican burrito creators are purposely using new hybrid beans with a higher gas content that would wreck havoc with American intestinal systems.
Besides the bowel distress there is also the intense embarrassment suffered by taco quaffers around the country. Many gourmets have been experiencing loud gaseous eruptions in such noise sensitive areas as church, board meetings, school classes, being in a crowded hot tub, and while giving birth. The new beans are so potent that even the popular anti-gas pill Beano does little to deter the tooting that triumphantly announces itself.

Conspiracy Theory #7483 – An economic conglomerate of chain stores across America have formed an evil alliance of greed that seeks to saturate the shopping sprees of sales seekers at stores and supermarkets across the nation. Being evilly aware of the slow economy and its effect upon the already downtrodden working and middle classes of America, the conglomerate still seeks to squeeze every penny possible out of them by requiring every customer to have credit card sized shopping cards in order to get discounts on sale items.
All chain stores now have these annoying little testaments to selfishness and penny pinching. They are proving detrimental to the shopping public as they add extra stress to the shoppee’s involved. There is the last minute checkout line search through dozens of other cards at the cashier while the other customers in line fume at the time wasted resulting in fistfights and vile words yelled in frustration. The bulging wallet that is the result of having to carry so many different cards also makes an easier target for pickpockets.
Accumulated also is the wealth of information the chain store reps garner with everyone who foolishly signs up for a card. They get your telephone number, your address, your email, how many times a week you do up the wife, how close to the age of consent your most eligible daughter is, where you hide your wallet at night, what nights of the week your son is doing up drugs at the local rave party, and, if they are lucky, your Social Security number.
State representatives throughout America have already attempted to bring about legislation aimed at limiting the number of such cards required at stores, but have been thwarted by the growing numbers of store card lobbyists out to protect the industry and the evil alliance they have formed.

Posted in Society0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 20

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 20

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
The New White House
Part 20

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

Work was going on well with the new White House complex area. A secondary fence had been built around the entire park across from the White House, pushing the protestors beyond the level to which he could hear their noise. The immense bunker complex was half finished, with the most crucial offices already open and running. It had been a marvel of building as during its construction there was to be no evidence of its creation above the surface. The machinery was brought in piecemeal at night and tunnels built through already existing underground complexes. Now as much work went on in the Cheney government underground as there did above. Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics2 Comments

Conspiracy Theories #3 – More Nightmares To Ruin Your Sleep

Conspiracy Theories #3 – More Nightmares To Ruin Your Sleep

Conspiracy Theories #3 – More Nightmares To Ruin Your Sleep

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy Theory #934- Unscrupulous sleeping pill manufactures have been putting timed release micro-bits of caffeine in their sleeping pills to stimulate their sales. Determined to sell more by waking back up the very people who have been faithfully purchasing their products, these sleazy salesmen of scandalously non-salubrious saturated sleep aids have been wrecking the health of American citizens for months now. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, The Rest0 Comments

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