Archive | Television

Megyn Kelly is Still a Massive Twat, But Mitt Romney Has a Huge Wang (Censored Version)

Megyn Kelly is Still a Massive Twat, But Mitt Romney Has a Huge Wang (Censored Version)

Megyn Kelly, anchor of some white guy’s network, is still being pursued by liberals and stuff, claiming that her blatant and sour opinions that put people to shame were morally wrong and shouldn’t be on a comedy network such as FOX news. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Television3 Comments

Piggy Adam Richman Mocks Critic; Beats Eating Crap Out of Him

Piggy Adam Richman Mocks Critic; Beats Eating Crap Out of Him

Piggy Adam Richman Mocks Critic; Beats Eating the Crap Out of Him (Family-Friendly Censored Version)

Mr. Piggy Adam Richman, a titty overweight eater, who had his very own show on the Travel Channel mocked his “critics” by posting a comment, “Grab a razor blade and draw a bath.”

He later went on to apologize and calm the tits out of everyone before he went to panic mode. The stunt surprised everyone, given the fact that Adam only eats when he’s mad. Putting a comment such as may as well saved his life from another heart attack. Poor fatty. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Television0 Comments

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Is there too much sex on TV? (Part 2)

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Is there too much sex on TV? (Part 2)

Announcer: Continuing their “Yucky World” interview with network programmer Seymour Dooless, Dick and Janey will be using examples of televised sexual situations.

Dick: We’ve brought a TV monitor into our studio so that we can show scenes from some typical TV shows.

Janey: Our first show is the daytime soap opera, “The Young and the Feckless”. Let’s see what’s going on.

She #2: Well, he kept bugging me, and we kept getting closer and closer, and finally we did it.
She #1: Did you use any protection?
She #2: Why? They never do on TV.
She #1: Right.
She #2: I can’t wait until I turn sixteen, so I can really start dating.

Janey: No surprises there. Any comments, Mr. Dooless?

Dooless: Well, this doesn’t have any influence on children because they’re at school when it’s on TV.

Janey: What if they record it?

Dooless: Then it’s their parents’ responsibility.

when-did-tv-get-so-dirty
Dick: Gee, I never knew any girls like that when I was in high school.

Dick: What about summer vacation?

Dooless: Kids are outside playing during the summer.

Janey: Playing what? Doctor?

Dick: We used to play “Doctor” when I was a kid, but I never got a chance to understand the game.

Janey: Still no surprises.

Dick: I was the outside security guard for our clubhouse hospital. It was pretty quiet in there, so the game couldn’t have been much fun.

Janey: Su-u-re, Dick. Now, let’s take a look at our second selection, the prime time series, “Let My Family Be”.

She: He only tries to sneak out once a week to see his mistress.
He: Can’t you encourage him to go out more?
She: He might get suspicious.
He: I’ve missed you so, Darling!
She: It’s been so long, Dear!

Dick: Does this kind of stuff with mistresses really go on?

Janey: More than you might think, Dick. Especially on TV!

Dick: Well, can a single man have a mistress or do you have to be married?

Janey: Why don’t you ask your mother, Dick?

Dick: She’d just tell me to ask my father.

Janey: And?

Dick: He’d just tell me to watch more TV and ask fewer questions.

Dooless: You have to remember, this is an evening show. It’s up to parents if they want their children to see it. Besides, some of us view these affairs as nothing more than peccadillos.

Dick: Well, why can’t they pick on something other than a dillo?

These are actual screen grabs from Days of Our Lives. Too hot to handle, according to some.

These are actual screen grabs from Days of Our Lives. Too hot to handle, according to some.

Share

Posted in Entertainment, Television0 Comments

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Is there too much sex on TV? (Part 1)

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Is there too much sex on TV? (Part 1)

Announcer: Fictional TV shows are often criticized for having too much sex on them. Dick and Janey, talks show hosts of “Yucky World”, will be discussing this issue with network programmer Seymour Dooless.

Janey: Our topic for today asks the question “Is there too much sex on TV?” This program may not be appropriate for children. Parental discretion is advised.

Dick: Has it gone that far?

Janey: Has what gone where?

Dick: You know…

Janey: Speak up, Dick!

Dick: Sex…

Janey: Yes?

Dick: …on television.

Janey: That depends on what you mean by “how far”?

Dick: Sounds like a question from my last date.

Janey: You’re dating?

Dick: Well, it was actually a blind date.

Janey: And?

Dick: She asked me how far I wanted to go.

Janey: And you said…

Dick: That I didn’t want to leave the county.

Janey: Oh-kay, Dick. Mr. Dooless, is there more sex on TV?

Dooless: Yes, but we think that’s what’s happening in real life, too.

Janey: There was an episode on “How I Met Your Mother” where one of the main characters achieved his goal of a “perfect week” by having sex with seven different women. Do you think that’s real life?

As a teen in the late 80s, this was about as hot as it got on television.

As a teen in the late 80s, this was about as hot as it got on television.

Dooless: Well, you know, TV characters aren’t your average people.

Janey: But they’re watched by average people.

Dick: And their kids.

Janey: Who may not see the real life consequences of all this sexual activity.

Dick: A Rand study found that teens who watched racy TV shows were much more likely to become pregnant than those who didn’t watch those shows.

Dooless: Fictional television stories aren’t real. We’re not responsible for what happens in real life.

Janey: You may have just said the key words, Mr. Dooless.

Dooless: Really? What were they?

Janey: “Not responsible”.

Dick: How about influential? Do you see TV shows as influencing people’s lives?

Dooless: We provide entertainment for people.

Janey: You will admit that sponsors buy advertising time to try to influence the audience to buy their products.

Dooless: Sure, but that’s different. Products advertised on TV are real. Therefore, they can be influential and have real life consequences.

Janey: But fictional TV shows are…

Dooless: Unreal!

Janey: I think we’d better break for a commercial. This whole conversation is beginning to seem awfully unreal.

Dick: That’s what my blind date said about me.

Janey: That you were unreal?

Dick: Right! And my mother even agreed with her.

Janey: Your mother?

Dick: Yeah. She was in the backseat with a map of the county.

Oh yeah, that's the stuff. She's distorted as hell and probably looks like that in real life, but this sad travesty was the reality kids had to work with before the internet made adult themes ubiquitous and effortless to find.

Oh yeah, that’s the stuff. She’s distorted as hell and probably looks like that in real life, but this sad travesty was the reality kids had to work with before the internet made adult themes ubiquitous and effortless to find.

Share

Posted in Television1 Comment

Univision Goes Bankrupt After Soap Operas are Banned in the U.S

Univision Goes Bankrupt After Soap Operas are Banned in the U.S

After Congress presented the U.S with a bill called “HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE”, the corporation responsible for distributing the Hispanic culture’s entertainment programs on television, Univision, was declared bankrupt, leaving thousands in ruin and on the streets.

One man, Felipe Pancho Francisco Guadalupe Hidalgo de la Rosa, told us that “ever since the banning, my wife and kids have been spending their time outside of the kitchen and socializing with people. It’s horrible.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Strange People, Television0 Comments

Julianna Rose Maurelio, Stephanie from LazyTown, Dead of Apparent Suicide Overdose

Julianna Rose Maurelio, Stephanie from LazyTown, Dead of Apparent Suicide Overdose

Beloved and coveted former child actress and sex icon Julianna Rose Maurilio was found dead in her Bangkok apartment where she was staying while filming an upcoming feature.

“Stephanie [from] LazyTown was on TV, I’m told,” said coroner Panupong Mantri. “[The toxicology screen] says she overdosed on sleeping pills and pain killers… Far too much to be accident of getting high [on the drugs for recreation.]” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television5 Comments

Jake, From State Farm, Sues State Farm For Ruining His Dating Life

Jake, From State Farm, Sues State Farm For Ruining His Dating Life

Bloomington, IL – The actor who plays “Jake, from State Farm”, we’ll call him Jake, from State Farm, in the famous insurance firm’s commercial, is suing the company for stereotyping him as “hideous” and ruining his love life.

The actor seeks $5 million in damages and says, “I figured that amount could buy me quite a bit of love in many countries around the world.”

Jake had been seeing a lovely lady named Tammy when shooting on the commercial began a year and a half ago but, shortly after the commercial hit the airwaves, she started acting differently and then abruptly stopped seeing the poor bastard. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Television5 Comments

Fine, I’ll Break the News: Paul Dinello to Take Over Colbert Report

Fine, I’ll Break the News: Paul Dinello to Take Over Colbert Report

With Stephen Colbert leaving to fill the massive shoes of David Letterman on CBS, who will take over at 11:30 on Comedy Central? Paul Dinello, it is hoped.

This news has not been official until now. No one else has picked up on the obvious clues, so once again, I’ll be the one to break the news. Paul Dinello is being groomed to take over on The Colbert Report. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television2 Comments

E-Trade Baby Blowing Through Money After Commercial Campaign Canceled

E-Trade Baby Blowing Through Money After Commercial Campaign Canceled

The precocious baby known for turning millions on to online trading, and making millions for himself, is reportedly blowing through his fortune at an alarming rate since E-Trade pulled the plug on the commercial campaign which made him famous.

‘E’, as his friends know him, has been spending like a drunken baby sailor in the last year on things like hookers, booze and gambling.

“Hey! YOLO, bitches. Am I right?” he mumbled through a haze of pot smoke, surrounded by playmates at the ‘Little Shits Day Care’ he calls home during the day when his mom and dad are at work. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Television0 Comments

Harry Reid Takes on Bundy Family, Al says “Let’s Rock”

Harry Reid Takes on Bundy Family, Al says “Let’s Rock”

(Nevada) – Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) has doubled down on his name calling by referring to the Bundy family as ‘domestic terrorists’ after the Bundy home became a lightning rod for controversy involving unpaid taxes.

The situation began after patriarch Al Bundy refused to pay taxes on Big ‘Uns magazines as well as Bon-Bons and hair care products for wife Peggy.

“Those things are basic essentials, like food and water,” proclaimed Al. “You can’t tax hooters! It’s un-American!”
Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Television1 Comment

Cantankerous Collaborator Steven Colbert to Take Over for Lame Liberal Lefty Letterman

Cantankerous Collaborator Steven Colbert to Take Over for Lame Liberal Lefty Letterman

The ultimate traitor, Steven Colbert, has sold his soul and gone over to the dark side of the Force.
In signing a deal with CBS, probably with a pinprick and a signature in blood, he has given up his proud conservative legacy for filthy lucre.

Once a true leader and outspoken critic on all things evil and liberal in our pure Aryan society (evil and liberal being the same thing), he has now turned into a horse of another color when offered a shot at fame and fortune. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television0 Comments

Millionaire tricks CNN into stopping its Coverage of Missing Malaysian Plane

Millionaire tricks CNN into stopping its Coverage of Missing Malaysian Plane

Dateline: ATLANTA—Elderly oddball millionaire, Huey Longbottom, shuns the internet and receives all of his news from CNN, but taking no interest in the missing Malaysian plane, which CNN has covered exhaustively for several weeks, Longbottom orchestrated several bizarre spectacles to garner CNN’s attention and entice the news channel to exchange its lead story.
Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Making Headlines, Television0 Comments

Physicist Detects Origin of CBS Hit “The Big Bang Theory”

Physicist Detects Origin of CBS Hit “The Big Bang Theory”

CAMBRIDGE, MA – This week physicist Dr. George H. Gebbins finally pinpointed the very beginning of what has been called The Big Bang Theory, thanks to the detection of essentially a beam of light that has been traveling the universe for years.

“I’ve been following The Big Bang Theory for some time now, since I first heard it discussed around the dinner table at Thanksgiving. However, it felt like no one had ever been able to pinpoint the origin, leaving its entire nature a mystery,” said Gebbins. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Television13 Comments

Cosmos Show embroiled in Legal Controversy with Churches

Cosmos Show embroiled in Legal Controversy with Churches

Dateline: LOS ANGELES—Dozens of churches in the United States are collectively suing the producers of Cosmos, the reboot of the television show previously hosted by Carl Sagan, for “stealing the Christian shtick.”

The filed complaint was obtained by the press and it alleges that the first episode of the show portrays Giordano Bruno as a Christ-like figure, while the second episode sanctifies the DNA molecule.
Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Religionism, Science, Television14 Comments

Oklahoma TV Station “Accidentally” Cuts 38-Minutes from Cosmos Evolution Episode

Oklahoma TV Station “Accidentally” Cuts 38-Minutes from Cosmos Evolution Episode

Last week, controversy erupted when the local FOX affiliate in Oklahoma City allegedly suffered technical difficulties during the only 14-seconds dealing with evolution. Perhaps the Lord moves in ways more mysterious than we’d imagined.

Host Neil DeGrasse Tyson explained that he believed it was a mistake, and that this week’s episode, which dealt almost exclusively with the issue of evolution, would put doubts aside for good, and he was right. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Television10 Comments

FOX Television Found To Be Riddled With Subversives.

FOX Television Found To Be Riddled With Subversives.

The conservative news agency FOX News has been found to be riddled with subversives, anarchic souls whose unwholesome lifestyles do not conform to FOX’s strict right leaning policies. Even more surprising, some of these cancerous maladies that weaken the proud morality this nation is based upon have apparently been operating within FOX’s orbit for decades.

The worst of these moles is an entire family of malcontents whose code name is ‘The Simpsons’. Dwelling for decades under the pretense of being an All American Family in the Midwest heartland of Springfield, the antics of this troupe has been corrosive to the very spirit that this country holds to be holy. FOX has apparently not only supported this anarchic bunch for decades, but has profited immensely from their antics.

The family members of the Simpsons makes for a Who’s Who of American traitors to the cause that would equal the Rosenberg’s. This clan of USA underminers include the father, Homer Simpson who is the veritable anti-theses of the the ideal American male. Bald, fat, crude, vulgar and weak-kneed in the face of jelly donuts, he is….um…..oh, forget it! He actually is the symbol of the modern American male.

Let’s go on to his son, Bart Simpson who is the veritable image of a trouble making, rabble rousing brat, already molded into the mentality of being acid to all the good virtues that the USA is known for. Add to that his sister Lisa, already at the age of eight a feminist lesbian in the making, already possessing radical ideas and ready to burn her bra at a moments notice were she old enough to wear one.

Some of these communists in sheep’s clothing have already spread their virus through the FOX channels and passed beyond. The 70′s Show followed the mayhem ignited in the Wisconsin of aforesaid decade by a gang of depraved small town kids. Their mop headed, lust fueled lives marked the decade that most dismantled the stalwart Calvinistic morals our forefathers baptized this land in. Their engaging in beer, per-marital sex, establishment by-passing teenage lifestyles imbued and illustrated the pot infused decadence that under 21′s of that time wallowed in and still do.

It is strange to think that in all this time those guardians of the gates of our moral and political purity- Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Ann Coulter and the other saints of FOX’s conservative elite, have not seen this peril within their very midst and spoken out against it. Some skeptics theorize that these very subversive elements have ironically helped to fund FOX’s war chest with their vast appeal and popularity. This would make FOX a two faced entity which could surely not ever be true.

Other red underwear wearing series that have appeared on FOX that bear scrutinizing include:

Family Guy- another Rosenberg-esque family portraying family virtues while engaging in every manner of decadence possible ( Family guys creator has revealed his Red roots publicly at his hosting of last years Academy awards).

Ally McBeal- featuring such un-American institutions as a shared male-female restroom in a law firm (Gasp!).

The Chevy Chase Show- is there anyone more Un-American than Chevy Chase?

Futurama- a apocalyptic warning of the future for all patriots if there ever was one.

MAD-TV- a gold standard for badly moraled people setting bad examples like dandelion seeds in the wind.

The Wanda Sykes Show- destroying white American one joke at a time.

Joan Rivers The Late Show- allegedly the originator of undermining American values sometime back around World War I.

Married….With Children- the show that first set the status quo for the new dyfunctionality in American families.

The Tracy Ullman Show- bringing in a foreigner to help bring down America.

The George Carlin Show- the King of the hippies and dopers himself being given a show on FOX? Heaven forbid!

Patriots, it is time for a pogrom at FOX Television! We need a McCarthy-esque witch hunt to rid our most American of stations of its moles. Let us all grab our guns and head over to Australian Ruppert Murdoch’s office right now!

Share

Posted in Television4 Comments

Page 1 of 1112345...10...Last »
Check out our friends:
Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Glossy Exclusive Video: How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made
(Comment on this video here)
-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

7 posts
3 posts
2 posts
2 posts
1 post


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial