CHICAGO, Illinois (GlossyNews) — Things got a little strange Wednesday night in Chicago when a one-man act by the name of Arcus Temporis came on stage armed only with a chalkboard and a piece of chalk and an eraser.

“What is your name?” asked Piers Morgan of this wild-eyed man. In a Swedish accent, the man gave his name, “I am Arcus Temporis and I am 87 years olt,” he said as he took in the huge crowd he stood before.

“And what are you here to do for us tonight, Arcus?” said Piers. Continue Reading

American Idol easily established itself as a ratings powerhouse in its first season, but now that Paula has left the show, and Simon has likewise finished his last show (though for very different reasons,) the viability of the franchise is up in the air. Here are some of the ways the show can save itself, or ruin itself, moving forward. Continue Reading

At Sea, South Pacific (GlossyNews) — Rumors are swirling in back alleys and executive washrooms about the handful of tapes that, if made public, could blow the lid off Rupert Murdoch’s hold on American politics, bringing Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and others down with him in the fallout. Continue Reading

New Canaan, Connecticut – Fox Television and radio personality, Glenn Beck was found wandering along Merritt Parkway close to his home in New Canaan, Connecticut early Thursday morning around 2 a.m. He was naked and confused and muttering “don’t freakin’ tread on me, don’t freakin’ tread on Glenn Beck, for I am your Savior,” and was taken to the nearest hospital for observation. He was openly weeping. Continue Reading

MEXICO CITY, Mexico (GlossyNews) — Emmy nominated reality television producer Bruce Beresford-Redman has been detained as a suspect in the killing of Monica Beresford-Redman, his wife. According to officials in Cancun, the body of Monica Beresford-Redman was found in a sewer at the Moon Palace resort where the family was on vacation.

Beresford-Redman was nominated for three Emmys for his work on “Survivor,” in which groups of strangers are sent to exotic wilderness locales around the world to compete for prizes. His other production credits include “Pimp My Ride” and “Crash Course.” Continue Reading

State Road 19, Near Tavares, Fla (GlossyNews) — Local man, Hank Fuller, arrived home last Wednesday and noticed something amiss. As he entered the house he could see his friends, family and at least one priest sitting in every available chair but one placed prominently in the middle of the floor.

“Don’t be alarmed, these are people who care about you and want to help you, now have a seat,“ said mediator and therapist, Dr. Lorena Schlutz. “We are here to help you get over your aversion to the variety of crime dramas on TV that are a main source of entertainment for everyone in America. Continue Reading

Carmel, CA (GlossyNews) — In a blast from the past, CBS is planning a new version of the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour starring recently masculated Chaz Bono as “Sonny.”

David Cassidy, who will also co-star on the show, says CBS was lucky to find a cadre of writers from the original series who are busy resurrecting what they hope will be a repeat of the original show’s success. “Yes, we are lucky and excited to be included in the CBS fall line-up. If you close your eyes it’s like you were whisked back in time when you hear it. It’s like coming home again.” Said Cassidy. Continue Reading

An Undisclosed Island in the Pacific Ocean (GlossyNews) — Only days after canceling the television series 24, Fox announced today that it had reversed it’s decision and decided to pick the show up for a ninth and final season. The announcement came just as tabloid websites were reporting that Kiefer Sutherland, star of the popular action thriller, had begun intimidating and threatening executives at Fox over the shows early demise.

The execs say there is “absolutely no truth” to the rumors and that the renewal was just a change of heart Continue Reading

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — In an effort to reel in kiddies as early as they are able to watch television, the Fox Channel has begun the process of developing a Saturday morning kids’ show featuring Glenn Beck, invoking a stylistic reincarnation of Dick Dastardly, complete with pencil-thin handlebar mustache. While not yet written in stone, producers have tentatively named the show “The Tommy Truth-tacular Hour.” Continue Reading

HOLLYWOOD, CA (GlossyNews) — During a midday press conference, ABC announced a late addition to this season’s “Dancing with the Stars” celebrity lineup.

“It’s a fine day for American Broadcasting,” Media Director Phil Lehman announced. “I’m pleased to tell you that The King of Pop will grace our ballroom floor this season!” Continue Reading

Pahrump, NV In one of his many “I told you so” moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start to happen.

Boasting a 100% accuracy rate, Beck claimed that he is a hundred times better at predicting things than any psychic. “For years, I’ve been telling my viewers how fed up they are and how screwed they should feel, and now, after this past election, how I thought things were going to get ugly. Continue Reading

LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor, the show’s namesake reminded his audience that O’Brien once worked for FOX as a writer for The Simpsons, before “that unfortunate marijuana business.” Continue Reading

Reality shows have created an artificial reality that threatens to overtake real reality. Television execs have created a monster and loosed it upon the public.

Reality shows plunge real people into an artificial situation, much like a cook shocks vegetables. Most people who have an audience staring at them will use their “game faces” and try to project an image that puts them in the best light. Continue Reading

This season CBS premiered their newest real-life reality show (as opposed to a scripted, obviously fake one,) and it’s so far shaped up to be pretty darn good. It’s called Undercover Boss and it purports to show the experience of CEO’s that go into their own organizations as entry-level workers. It’s a pretty darn good show, but it’s so close to being great it’s almost painful. Continue Reading

LONDON, U.K. — Heather Mills, former wife of Paul McCartney, has struggled over the past few years to change her public image from that of an attention hungry, gold-digging opportunist to an inspirational role model for disadvantaged women worldwide. Mills lost part of her left leg after being hit by a motorcycle in 1993 and has used prosthetics ever since. She and McCartney separated in 2006, divorcing two years later after a high-profile court case in which Mills was awarded an estimated sum of £24.3 million. Continue Reading

Bob Crane was an American disc jockey and actor, best known for his performance as Colonel Robert E. Hogan in the television sitcom Hogan’s Heroes, which ran from 1965 to 1971. Crane appeared in a number of other career-crushing shows, including Police Woman, Quincy M.D., The Love Boat, and NBC’s short-lived The Bob Crane Show, which the network canceled after only three months. Continue Reading

Taking their cue from the recent headlines that a group of gun rights activists calling itself the “OpenCarry Movement” are flexing their God-given Constitutional right to enter public places with their firearms proudly displayed, the producers of the reality series, Project Runway, thought it would be fun to take ten members, male and female, and give them a new look that will allow them to coordinate their semi-automatic pistols and other firearms with the latest fashions of the season. Continue Reading