Dancing On Ice back in Full Swing: A New Series & 12 Brand New Contestants

Dancing On Ice may not have been on our screens since 2014, but 12 celebrities are back in the mix to set our screens alight with some hopefully entertaining, and maybe even, stunning, performances. But who are this year’s contestants? Read more Dancing On Ice back in Full Swing: A New Series & 12 Brand New Contestants

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Jeremy Clarkson In Street Brawl Over Car Built From Frozen Celebrity Piss

Broadcaster and motoring specialist Jeremy Clarkson has been involved in a street brawl, concerning a motor vehicle made from frozen celebrity piss.

Clarkson stars in a new scheduled motoring programme to be aired on Channel Four called ‘What Can We Make A Car Out Of?’ He had the car specially built for the new series. Read more Jeremy Clarkson In Street Brawl Over Car Built From Frozen Celebrity Piss

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“Julianna Rose Mauriello: Life out Of “‘LazyTown'”

More about Julianna Rose Mauriello

a) Singing and Acting

When young, Julianna (Stephanie) always sang and was seen at SUNY Purchase Party Scene of the Nutcracker which is similar to no deposit casino uk.
Her performance grew as she watched her siblings take part in Pleasantville High School music performances. Read more “Julianna Rose Mauriello: Life out Of “‘LazyTown’”

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Bill O’Reilly’s “Blue Sky Denialism” Controversy

Democratic politician Barney Frank may be retired now, but he’s still enjoying (as much as ever!) the witty repartee and genial jousting in the Fox News studio.
Yup! A Bill O’Reilly clip has just gone viral, where the Fox commentator reduces Barney to abject bemusement regarding Frank’s far-left socialist-welfarist-eco-freakian “Big Lie” about the sky being blue. Read more Bill O’Reilly’s “Blue Sky Denialism” Controversy

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Edgy London Soap Opera Panders to Booming Postmodernist Intellectual Market

A recent TV programme has finally cornered the crowded market of postmodern London soap operas. Millions of viewers are tuning in every week; and yet, nobody seems to have the slightest idea ‘wass goin’ on?’ in this rather bizarre and challenging television classic. Read more Edgy London Soap Opera Panders to Booming Postmodernist Intellectual Market

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Club Punishes Talk Show Audiences for Drowning out Guests with Lingering Applause

Dateline: LOS ANGELES—Investigators have uncovered a club devoted to shaming audience members of American talk shows whose clapping and other loud reactions to the guests’ remarks often drown out what the guests are saying, wasting the time of the viewers at home.

Based in LA, the club is called Citizens for Silencing Audience Noise. Ray Akaji, CSAN’s spokesperson, expressed befuddlement at the audacity and self-centeredness of the studio audiences.
Read more Club Punishes Talk Show Audiences for Drowning out Guests with Lingering Applause

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News Media Confuse Viewers by speaking as if all Oligarchs are Russian

Dateline: TENNESSEE—American corporate news media baffle viewers by presupposing that all oligarchs are Russian citizens.

“You never hear CNN speak of American oligarchs,” said news media watcher Alonzo Plompus. “For some unknown reason, whenever you hear about oligarchs on cable news, they’re always Russian.”
Read more News Media Confuse Viewers by speaking as if all Oligarchs are Russian

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Live at the Apollo Wins ‘Worst UK Television Programme Award.’

T.V. stand up show ‘Live At The Apollo’ has picked up ‘The Worst UK TV Programme Award’ for 2017.

The show’s producer Rick Earle thanked the TV audience in his acceptance speech:

Ladies and gentleman, thank you so much for voting for us – I am truly honoured and humbled to receive such a coveted accolade.

My sincere condolences to runners up ‘Hollyoaks’ – your programme is unadulterated shit. Your actors and actresses are such a fine example of how you shouldn’t act. They make Dev from Coronation Street look like Laurence Olivier.

Well done for being nominated – ‘Murder She Wrote.’ Your programme is utter bollocks. The show’s premise that a mystery writer is a part-time homicide detective is ridiculous. So if my house is burgled do I call Enid Blyton?

I’d like to thank ‘Bargain Hunt’ for inspiring me to create a crap programme. Your format of inviting grown adults to wear blue and red t-shirts as representatives of their respective teams – as if they were school children, then force them to sell crumby items like a pair of mickey mouse slippers for twenty pound at an auction is humiliating and pathetic.

Most importantly I’d like to thank all our stand up comedians – your invaluable contribution is central to our non-success. A special mention for my closest friends on the show:

Sara Millican: as funny as a nuclear attack on a residential home with broken fire extinguishers.

Phil Jupitus: as funny as a killer bee attack in a hot air balloon.

And Marcus Brigstocke: as funny as a poisoned buffet with cutlery made from false teeth.

Thank you.

Image attribution:

By Spudgun67 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons

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Real Fake News is Losing Credibility

Real Fake News (RFN) is the only non-partisan news source left. And its integrity is under sustained attack by the peddlers of illegitimate fake news. It’s being stomped on by those charlatans who declare themselves honest, rational and accurate.

Abdul O’Shaunessy, one of the best known Real Fake News writers working today, emphasized this point by adding, “Those partisan pricks are taking over.”

Abdul is right. The purveyors of illegitimate fake news have cleanly divided into two partisan camps. And each of those camps declare themselves to be the paragon of honesty.

We writers of the RFN say right up front we’re gonna lie like hell and then present our lies honestly in a straightforward manner.

So, who are you going to trust? Those people who tell you what you are about to read is total bullshit or those who swear what they are telling you is the absolute truth?

It’s getting tougher and tougher to compete when we are all telling the same lies about the same people. Those partisan pricks are encroaching into our territory without shame and without mercy.

Let’s take a recent example of an incident that occurred during the presidential inauguration. Specifically, the moment when Mrs. Trump gave Mrs. Obama the traditional gift marking the transition of administrations.

Anti-Trumpers called Melania “A haughty Empress who considers the Obamas lowbrow and quite bourgeois. She showed her disdain by off-handedly tossing her box on the table and moving away from the rabble as fast as she could.”

The Pro-Trumpers referred to the event as “A gracious gesture on the part of Mrs. Trump to show her appreciation of how Mrs. Obama has conducted herself as the FLOTUS.” They called it “typical” when Mrs. Obama showed no appreciation whatsoever.

Mr. O’Shaunessy said the look on Michele’s face betrayed her aching desire to get her hands on Melania’s box. And ever since seeing Melania’s girl on girl spread in the fashion magazine article, she could think of little else.

Now all three are bullshit but the readers of the illegitimate fake news swallowed their preferred versions whole and are happy to repeat it to anyone who thinks just like they do.

But us RFN readers are much more sophisticated.

We understand how things really work.

We are perceptive, sharp and quite clever. We are truly the only intelligent consumers of information left.

Abdul O’Shaunessy had some chilling remarks about the future of Real Fake News.

“They’re filching our stuff. And some brilliant RFN writers, good friends of mine, have been coaxed over to their side. We are starting to lose our best and brightest.”

Please, don’t let our lies continue to lose their credibility.

Get up and call hooey on all of it.

Standup tall for sincere and heartfelt bullshit.

At this critical point, I can do little more than salute your dedication to honesty.

I’m sure Adbul will agree with me when I say that Real Fake News certainly attracts a better class of people.

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Crack Bagans? Ghost Stalker Pushes Beloved Mask, Ford Ranger Off Cliff

MOUNT CHARLESTON, NV – Only hours before the series finale of his newest show Deadly Possessions was set to air, ghost hunting guru Zak Bagans could be found about 50 miles northwest of his Las Vegas museum; committing an act so unbaganslike that officials assume he was either under the influence of a mind altering substance or possessed by one of the spirits he has been molesting for so long.

Standing on the edge of a peak known as Masking Heights, elevated 9,281 feet above a rocky gorge, Bagans first tossed his beloved air mask over the edge before pushing his iconic, red 2012 Ford Ranger over and watching them both fall to their certain deaths.

In addition to the drug and possession theories, many have speculated that Bagans may be under an enormous amount of stress after a dismal first season in which he fulfilled his lifelong dream of opening a museum in downtown Las Vegas, filled with haunted and cursed objects he has collected through the years. The sixth episode in the first season is set to air on the Travel Channel tonight at 9:00pm est featuring objects that belonged to the deadly Dr. Jack Kevorkian and the late actress, Natalie Wood.

“The sheer hatred he showed towards that mask when throwing and then watching it fall to a horrible death… I’ve never seen that kind of sheer hatred before,” said park ranger, Jared Bulgovich, the sole witness of the ghastly act that has the ghost community shaken. “Everyone round these parts knows Mr. Bagans loves his air mask and is as shocked as I am!” Bulgovich added.

The co-host of the popular paranormal show Ghost Adventures, which has been on the air for 12 seasons, frequently gets criticized by viewers for over-wearing a protective mask with the intention of cleansing the air he breathes. Certain situations, such as cave and old basement investigations, require the use of such a device; but when Bagans began wearing his mask all the time, questions immediately arose. Since then, he has interrupted a wedding to proclaim love to his mask and even a performance of the musical Cats, further progressing his maskness.

While the previous events seemed to be a mere infatuation of a man in love with a poly bi-carbonate plastic mold, the most recent event tells a tale of a man in need of some serious help.

No charges have been filed yet as Bagans has received comfort from close friends, relatives and the many spirits he has connected with over the years.

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End of the Gay Dinosaurs: Fox News Steals the March on Glossy News

What do Fox News folks think about homosexuality and the end of the dinosaurs? Will male-on-male love bring about the end of the human species, just as it ended the reign of the dinosaurs?

Bill O’Reilly

Well, who’s to say? I don’t know. Maybe they just got gay-feminist-transdarwinist-cultural-marxist-crony-socialist-union-thug-gun-hating-dino-flu.

I mean, hell, I’m just throwing that one out there! I never said I had all the answers.

Glenn Beck

Read more End of the Gay Dinosaurs: Fox News Steals the March on Glossy News

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BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too (2/2)

Hope you enjoyed the first instalment!

Here is more pitiful bien-pensant claptrap from the BBC, following their recent flamboyantly privileged nitpicking over the term ‘Islamic State.’

The ‘Republicains’ of Sarkozy are now the ‘soi-disant Republicans,’ because some members of other parties believe that they are the true inheritors of ‘la Republique.’

BBC journalists must never speak of the Lega Nord, because the Lega Nord cannot speak for all northern Italians. Anyway, where does the North end and the South begin?

The Republican party cannot be called the GOP, because the Democrats are also fairly ‘Great’ and ‘Old.’ And you can also probably guess why some Republicans have convinced the BBC to speak of the ‘so-called Democrats.’ Read more BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too (2/2)

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