Archive | Television

Outrageous UK Scandal: Channel 5 Doesn’t Plumb New Depths

Outrageous UK Scandal: Channel 5 Doesn’t Plumb New Depths

Not long ago, Channel 5 pulled its most outrageous publicity stunt yet.

For a single 24-hour period, the Channel refused to show any horrendous reality TV shows…

Nor any freaky scare stories on pig liposuction/experimental bollock transplants/bowel surgeons with overactive fingers/amateur self-castration gone wrong…

Nor indeed any more (purportedly) amusing anecdotes about vicious Albanian axe-murderers, sneaky Hungarian cider thieves and dastardly Romanian street-Ponzi warriors. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Television0 Comments

Jerry Seinfeld Injured Filming ‘Comedians In Cars’

Jerry Seinfeld Injured Filming ‘Comedians In Cars’

Branson, MO. – Jerry Seinfeld, former network star, was involved in an auto accident while filming an episode of “Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee” in Branson, Missouri. According to the Branson Police Department five people, including Mr. Seinfeld and guest comedian Yakov Smirnoff, suffered minor injuries.

Now entering its’ fifth season the up and coming cable show has nearly exhausted A, B, and C talent to interview.
Mr. Seinfeld had flown into Branson on short notice when Kathy Griffin bowed out of the show at the last minute to appear at a store opening in Bakersfield, California.

According to his publicist, Mr. Seinfeld, 61, enlisted Mr. Smirnoff, known for his cold war ‘What a Country’ ramblings, and was forced to go to Branson where Mr. Smirnoff was scheduled to perform. Following a long and turbulent flight Mr. Seinfeld’s choices of vintage cars, often used in his opening, were limited and he ended up driving a 1987 Ford Aerostar mini van.

After six cups of ‘nearly toxic coffee’ at a local bait shop, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Smirnoff drove around Branson for almost three hours looking for an Acura automobile, the shows sponsor that is displayed in every episode. Not finding any Acura, let alone a late model version, Mr. Seinfeld become disoriented and drove up the sidewalk at a local Piggly Wiggly store striking three shoppers before crashing into an outdoor display of pork rinds.

Mr. Seinfeld was overheard complaining that the combination of jet lag, an inability to understand a word the heavily accented Mr. Smirnoff had said the entire day and the lack of a delicatessen in town all contributed to his misfortune.

According to someone at the scene as Mr. Seinfeld walked off he was calling in a high pitch voice for ‘George, Kramer and someone named Elaine’, although no one had any idea who they may be.
Another witness also mentioned that after looking at Mr. Seinfeld’s license, a local state trooper was heard to say that ‘Oh, this is what a New York Jew looks like’.

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Posted in Entertainment, Television, Top Stories0 Comments

Pat Robertson: Gay Atheists are the Shocktroops of Iran

Pat Robertson: Gay Atheists are the Shocktroops of Iran

Pat Robertson is concerned at the mortal peril certain “bad folks” pose to people in the USA, and just this once, he’s not been shy to get to the root of the problem.

Now, listen carefully, my dear friends. If we are going to let all these, you know, these hooomoseeexual atheiiists, you know, if we tolerate them, let them work in our public facilities and business corporations….

Well, you’ve probably heard it before, but I’m gonna tell you, because it’s the truth, and it bears repeating. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Television0 Comments

Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

In an unprecedented move that’s shocked the television world, Wheel of Fortune has replaced its long standing hostess Vanna White and named Bristol Palin her temporary replacement.

The move comes after a series of contract disagreements between White and ABC over salary issues and bonuses.

Vanna White has been Wheel of Fortune’s official letter turner since 1982 but recent negotiations between White’s agent and ABC collapsed late Friday, leaving the popular game show suddenly without anyone to reveal the letters to their puzzles. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television1 Comment

Australia’s Latest Doggygate Scandal: A Land Without Biebers (2/2)

Australia’s Latest Doggygate Scandal: A Land Without Biebers (2/2)

The moment Fatima and Bieber landed in Alessi Exile Airport in Bishop’s Kennedy, Queensland…

A lawless horde of vicious, beer-swilling, assless-police-uniforms-and-cowboy-hats-porting, official-public-order-batons-wielding bogans descended upon Fatima and Bieber! Continue Reading

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Australia’s Latest Doggygate Scandal: A Land Without Biebers (1/2)

Australia’s Latest Doggygate Scandal: A Land Without Biebers (1/2)

A few days ago, Johnny Depp finally threw his cutlass out of the pram about being threatened last month by the unaccountable Canberra/E-Street/Ramsay Street/Ramsbottom Street/Summer Bay/Richmond Hill regime:

http://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/celebrity/johnny-depp-amber-heard-avoid-australia-after-dog-threat-n379546 Continue Reading

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Bill Maher Banned (Again)… But Why?

Bill Maher Banned (Again)… But Why?

Notable public figure Bill Maher has been banned from several notable clothes retail chains in the entire slick, coastal, metro part of the USA…

For making some provocative and inflammatory comments about a moderate political Islamist™ in Pakistan who says women resemble sacks of flour.

Yup! His Most Exalted Even-More-Moderate-Than-Moderate-Taliban-ness says that every one of the integral synthetic components of the female community should be treated in keeping with the most noble and exalted station he himself envisages for them…

When he is high on crystal meth funded from the proceeds of his illegal kindergarten-bombing Ponzi scheme. Continue Reading

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Un-aired Original Series Star Trek Discovered! True Origin of Actual Series Revealed!

Un-aired Original Series Star Trek Discovered! True Origin of Actual Series Revealed!

A long lost Kirk/Spock vintage Star Trek episode that never aired has turned up in a forgotten vault at Paramount Studios.

“The Deflowering” was a 1967 show featuring all the beloved and famous characters who made the show such an unforgettable sci-fi icon. Unfortunately its subject matter made it a no-show on that eras airwaves.

It was about sex. Too much sex. Continue Reading

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Colbert Has Quit, Now Jon Stewart Is Going- Soon We Shall Be Totally Abandoned.

Colbert Has Quit, Now Jon Stewart Is Going- Soon We Shall Be Totally Abandoned.

The Apocalypse is close at hand. The signs of the times are showing themselves. I am sure that there is a verse in Revelations that says “…and verily all the good comedians will leave the scene and only darkness shall thereafter be manifest…”.

Jon Stewart, primary televised purveyor of jokes and satirist extraordinaire for the entire western hemisphere has announced that he will be leaving his job at The Daily Show sometime this year. Continue Reading

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Publication of “The Brian Williams Story” Nixed

Publication of “The Brian Williams Story” Nixed

Excerpts from “The Brian Williams Story”, a rumored biography that will now apparently never see print:

November 9, 1989
“All I can say is that it was an honor and a thrill to be the only major American news anchor on site when the Berlin Wall fell. It was a combination of good luck and astute planning that put me there that night so that I could report this major event back home to our NBC viewing audience. Or maybe it was Tom Brokaw. The important thing is that we were there.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Television0 Comments

Banned Fiat Super Bowl Commercial Raised Eyebrows, Hackles

Banned Fiat Super Bowl Commercial Raised Eyebrows, Hackles

‘Tis the season when marketers go the extra mile and even passive fans stick to their TVs, even if just to watch the commercials.

Fiat ran a clever commercial this year, but it was nothing close to the one they originally wanted to show.

Italians, man. I can’t speak directly to their cars, marketing or choice in leading ladies, but I can say this was a pretty clever ad in its original form. Continue Reading

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Posted in Television, Video News0 Comments

Did I Bake That? Jaleel White Reprises Role in Upcoming Sequel

Did I Bake That? Jaleel White Reprises Role in Upcoming Sequel

Burbank, California – The Olive Garden is rising from the grave in the newest sitcom premiering in March on Fox from Executive Producer, Tyler Perry.

The new show, Family Platters, is a sequel to the 90s hit, Family Matters, that ran for 9 seasons and 215 episodes between 1989 and 1998.

“It’s exciting!” Said Reginald VelJohnson, who is ecstatic to reprise his role as Carl Winslow.

“The whole cast really became close on the set of the original show and after getting the call from Tyler Perry that we were going to be filming a Tyler Perry reproduction of a Tyler Perry production, we all had smiles on our faces,” VelJohnson added. Continue Reading

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Colbert Snubbed Unpopular Obama in Series Finale

Colbert Snubbed Unpopular Obama in Series Finale

In the series finale of The Colbert Report, dozens of musical, political, film and other celebrities made an appearance… Obama participated, but was cut from the show.

Almost 50 guests appearead live on-stage during the prolonged, rousing rendition of “We’ll Meet Again” with the addition of a number of pre-recorded segments spliced in. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television1 Comment

Farewell to a Legend. RIP Conservative Stephen Colbert

Farewell to a Legend. RIP Conservative Stephen Colbert

As a fake news man myself, I’ve been a loyal devotee of Stephen Colbert since before the pseudo-pundit had his own show.

Thursday, the legendary difference-maker signed off as his quasi-conservative self for the last time.

I watched the very first episode, and in the 1,447 episode run, I’ve probably only missed a dozen. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Television2 Comments

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass (NSFW)

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass (NSFW)

Rod Blagojevich hasn’t been content with his recent numerous high profile media appearances.

You know, Celebrity Apprentice, biased FOX/MSNBC news reports, Oprah Winfrey…

And even the “Wanted” posters pinned up in a certain large urban settlement in Illinois.

So he’s decided that in order to really hit the big-time again, and be “wanted” in a much “nicer” way, an appearance on Celebrity Career Re-boot (Culinary Version) was a pressing necessity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television2 Comments

Rush Bans Bibles From US Schools, Buchanan Equivocal(-ish) (I)

Rush Bans Bibles From US Schools, Buchanan Equivocal(-ish) (I)

Normally it’s the Democratic Party that is accused of Warring-Against-Christianity™ and Driving-God-Out-Of-The-Schools™.

But now the conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has jumped on the Pinko-Liberal-Secular-Darwinianist-Homosexual-Bandwagon:

I mean, people are talking about all these superstitious and fanatical texts… that Quran book, Dianetics, Das Kapital, the Miley Cyrus autobiography… Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Television0 Comments

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