Well, folks, you can stop wondering whether (1) Anderson Cooper is gay; (2) Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin are dating; (3) Kathy Griffin is really a guy; or (4) Kathy Griffin is really a guy, gay and dating Anderson Cooper who is also gay, because, evidently, after the ball drops in Times Square tonight, Cooper just may be setting himself up for an even bigger ball drop by proposing to Griffin. Continue Reading

What do you get when you combine a female-favored programming style like “soap operas,” with manly subject matter like “gangsters?” You get HBO’s The Sopranos, which sent competitors to sleep with the fishes for the six seasons it ruled Sunday nights. Taking a page from HBO’s playbook, Starz has invested heavily in what they call “original transgendered programming” (and then quickly retitled “Ladies and Mens Entertainment” (L.A.M.E.) after “transgendered” caused some confusion). Continue Reading

HOLLYWOOD – Look out, Snooki! Here come Newt and Mitt! Watch your back, Simon Cowell! The “TX-Factor” is right behind you!

While television network executives grapple with the generally weak ratings for their new fall lineup – a mostly tepid rehash of formulaic reality shows, sitcoms and police procedurals – the season’s one breakout hit has caught the TV industry completely by surprise with its unique and unprecedented combination of unscripted reality, riotous comedy, blood-thirsty horror and nail-biting suspense.

“They’re running…AND SO SHOULD YOU!” is the promotional catchphrase for what has quickly become the must-see show of the fall 2011 season. Officially entitled “The Republican Presidential Debates” but now more commonly referred to as just “RPD” by its growing legion of rabid fans, the show has already made household names of its plucked-from-near-obscurity stars: Mitt, Rick P., Michele, Newt, Ron, Herman, Jon, Rick S. and Gary.

Offering a compelling mix of reality and fantasy, comedy and tragedy, verbal pratfalls, jaw-dropping misstatements and heated trash-talking – not only about the President of the United States but also about each other – “RFD” is now the number one subject of office water cooler talk on the day following each episode.

“We haven’t talked about a show this much at work ever since Lost ended,” said Lori Enders, an office manager for a medical equipment wholesaler. “And, just as we used to be obsessed with whether Ben, the leader of The Others, was good or evil, now we’re asking the same question about Mitt. I mean, on the one hand, yes, he does look like one of those rich, handsome villains on ‘Colombo’, but then again, whenever he’s standing next to Rick P., it makes me think, well, at least Mitt doesn’t look like a serial killer.”

“I loved it when Rick P. told Mitt that he must not have a heart if he was against letting the children of illegal aliens pay lower in-state university tuition fees,” said self-proclaimed “RFD fanatic” Chris O’Dell. “It’s like, wow, when a guy who has overseen the execution of 234 prisoners says you have no heart, then you’ve really got to be one cold motherf**ker, right?”

“My favorite is Michele,” said LeeAnne Henderson, a high school student. “She’s so pretty, and I was so sorry for her when she explained that the reason she’s mentally retarded is because some woman in the audience injected her with some government anti-STD vaccine. I’m sure as heck not going to get a vaccination like that and risk giving cancer to one of my many boyfriends when we’re having unprotected sex. Now, every time Michele speaks, I’m always yelling at the screen, ‘You go, girl! Show ‘em what a mentally disabled person can do!’”

But, all fans agree that the real stars of “RPD” are the members of its studio audiences, who succeed in transforming the show from a mere political debate into something more closely resembling a gladiatorial blood-fest at the Roman Coliseum.

“When the audience cheered for letting that hypothetical uninsured 30-year-old sick man die, or when they booed that gay soldier in Iraq who’s putting his life on the line for us, I was like, whoa, this is the most terrifying show in the history of television!” said Earl Patterson, an unemployed auto mechanic. “Really. Those people make the flesh-eating zombies on ‘The Walking Dead’ or the ravenous vampires on ‘True Blood’ look like a bunch of pussies.”

“They also make me realize how much I miss ‘The Jerry Springer Show’,” Patterson noted.

Finally, “RPD” has broken even more new ground by airing each of its episodes on a different television network. So far, the show’s ratings beneficiaries have been Fox, CNN and NBC. But there’s no doubt that the other networks, enviously observing the success of “RPD”, will be hurrying to produce their own knock-off versions of the show.

Fox itself is already rumored to be in development of its own exclusive series, which builds on the existing “RPD” format with exciting additions such as the live execution of a convicted felon and a competition in which audience members submit their most virulent epithets for President Obama in order to vie for the chance to disconnect a terminally ill patient’s Medicaid-funded life support.

Meanwhile, the best news for viewers is that the 2012 U.S. presidential election is still more than a year away. So, stay tuned!

ROCKY MOUNT, NC – A 37-year old unemployed factory worker turned humor blogger is reportedly thrilled by recent praise his previously unknown humor blog has received. Avowed bachelor and longtime fan of Wheel of Fortune, Buford Quigley told reporters today that he is “as happy as a dead pig in sunshine” over the overwhelming positive response his humor blog is receiving – almost exclusively from internet spammers. Continue Reading

Dick Cheney claims his new book In My Time is accomplishing exactly what he set out to accomplish, shattering dreams of an idyllic America and pissing people off. “This is a war zone people, and the sooner you get it into your thick heads, the better,” said Cheney at a recent book signing at the local Army Navy Surplus Store in downtown Des Moines, Iowa. Continue Reading

What began as a routine house cleansing by a local group of paranormal experts called in by Kate Gosselin to rid her home of some negative energy, turned into a blame game between Gosselin and the people trying to help her.

“If you can’t do the job you claim you are capable of, then just say so,” Gosselin reportedly screamed at Joe Heebie, the leader of PAPS (Paranormal and Parapsychic Services) of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. His partner, Carolyn Jeebies, claims the outburst was a result of Heebie telling Gosselin that he was pretty sure the evil she spoke of in her home Continue Reading

Famed Egyptian director, Khairy Beshara, has announced his plan to film a number of features about an undead Hosni Mubarak who wreaks havoc on his countrymen.  The first in the horror series will be Curse of Mubarak The Mummy: A New Arab Awakening.

“I got the idea while I was staring into Mubarak’s cage: What will happen if he dies during his trial? There will be no justice,” says Beshara, who promises justice will be served in full force in the movies. Continue Reading

It used to be that a person would back a Presidential candidate based on his voting record and his willingness to serve the American people. Honorable men and women would ask for your vote and in exchange, they would let you know exactly how they stand on the issues. No changing their minds. If they were for public health care or against it, you knew straight up, and that’s why you put your vote behind that person. Continue Reading

MediaWatch has concluded a study asking cable news media hosts to rate their performance in reporting on the debt ceiling talks in Washington.

A whopping 67% of MSNBC hosts believe they have pushed the envelope too far and are fearful that once the debt ceiling crisis has fully wound down, without having inflicted the kind of pain predicted, they will all be seen as Chicken Littles.

In fact, Rachel Maddow is so mad at herself, she’s not been able to step in front of the camera this week at all except to make more dam commercials for MSNBC. Continue Reading

Most people have not taken the time to wonder what would happen if you spelled Adam Lambert’s name backwards. Mostly because it doesn’t really spell anything. Trebmal Mada may be a word in a foreign language. It could translate to ‘working giant jungle cat.’ We simply do not know. Continue Reading

It’s been revealed that British R&B diva, Amy Winehouse has been found dead in her Camden Town flat in north west London. At this point, there has been no confirmed cause of death, but some speculators are of the opinion that alcohol and/or drugs may have been a contributory factor.

They’re probably right.

Poor Amy, who sang so passionately that she didn’t want to go to rehab, may still have been alive if she’d given the rehab another shot. Continue Reading

Comedy actor, Kal Penn, announced that he is leaving his gig working for the White House in the Office of Public Engagement to return to television. Some of you will remember Penn from his role on the television series House, others may remember him from the movie Harold and Kumar. However, only one or two of you, up until this story broke, even knew Kumar, err Penn worked in the White House Office of Public Engagement. And fewer still knew he was Obama’s personal Court Jester. Continue Reading

The scandal involving Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World is spreading to Murdoch’s other holdings and some say it could spell doom for his News Corporation empire.

Realizing immediately that his newspaper apology was doing nothing to quell the anger rising exponentially across the globe against himself and his clan, the media mogul decided it was time to bring out the big guns to fight the onslaught of criticism.

Murdoch has reportedly bought 1,000 adorable puppies of some of the cutest breeds around, including English Bulldogs, Yorkshire Terriers, and Shih Tzus, and he has personally taken it upon himself to pass the puppies out at news conferences to his accusers. Continue Reading

Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman bared all in a girl’s all-nude wrestling match to raise money for the Republican Party’s ‘Go For The Gold’ Presidential race. The girls decided they would put their greatest ‘ass’-ets out in public for the greater good of their party.

Having chosen to be patriotic and volunteer my services as towel boy and official mud-putter-onner, I was able to get close to the candidates (real close) while helping them during their fund raiser. (I might note here that it wasn’t just funds that were getting raised during the performance.) Continue Reading

Forget those underpowered, overpriced apps that promise you a fun game of Walmart Bingo, the FunnyHitman brings you one that’s even better, and best of all, it’s free to view, free to print and free to use as you laugh your inexpensive suburban socks off. Continue Reading

Los Angeles – GlossyNews.com – Oceanic Airlines has announced plans to institute a surcharge ranging from $5.00 to $57.50 for passengers transporting books which exhibit existential angst, says company spokesperson Macine Galvertson.

“In the future a hefty surcharge will be levied upon those passengers transporting heavy works of philosophy on board our airplanes,” she says. “In particular, passengers bringing onboard works of extreme existential angst will be subject to surcharges, the exact amount depending upon the particular philosophical work in question.” Continue Reading