The argument is everywhere. Without the Bible, there would be no morality. Well that’s obviously untrue, since atheists are disproportionately absent in jails.

Blame that on the lack of education of many Evangelicals (especially the home-schooled crowd) if you like, but you’ve got an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful being on your side. We just have science. Continue Reading

LOS ANGELES — Following Tuesday’s season one finale, producers of the ABC reality cooking show The Taste announced yesterday that they have finished a deal to replace Celebrity Chef Ludo Lefebvre on the judging panel next season with Random Starving Ethiopian Child “Umbeke.”

The move – which experts say should significantly increase the show’s ratings – will give the panel a broader range of tastes since Umbeke, according to producers, “will gobble down the weirder shit that even Bourdain won’t touch.” Continue Reading

Virginia may ostensibly be for lovers, but recent legislation sought to restrict exactly which kinds of love that could be. Specifically, they wished to ban sodomy.

This would mean no oral varieties or hinterlands sorts, but the bill was struck down. According to this comic, not everyone is happy with the decision, though perhaps not for the reasons you’d imagine. Continue Reading

Kind of a hard thing to boycott, an act of nature such as that. I guess you can bury your head in the sand and just pretend it didn’t happen, but why would you? A question only a hipster could answer.

I boycott tampons. I don’t use them and I refuse to buy them. They’ll get none of my money… but a solar eclipse? What’s not to like about that? What’s even to debate about that? It either happens or it doesn’t, and it kind of does, boycott or no. Continue Reading

Ever wondered what girls learn when they go off to a separate class while you’re busy learning about resisting the temptation to masturbate yourself blind? They’re learning about why their girly things happen, and you don’t want to know about it.

They possess the most amazing thing in the history of mankind, but it is disgusting in ways you could never imagine. It does things that are yicky, things that are gross, and things that would make you barf up your breakfast in about five seconds. Continue Reading

If you’ve ever known someone who has been married, you know the pitfalls they face. An aging and perpetually less attractive spouse, inability to conscionably be with other sexual partners, and a general malaise that sits over your life like a 100-pound backpack.

Some look at it from a doom and gloom perspective, but others, as in this comic, see it in a much brighter light.

Remember, those who are engaged, there are only two ways out of a marriage, so make sure you do it for all the right reasons. Continue Reading

If you’ve ever been a guy, and I suspect about half of the population has (more like 70+% of our readers) then you know how awkward and embarrassing it is to show up with a shiner on your eye.

Do you tell the truth? Do you make up a story? Or do you just read the comic at right and call it a day?

(Click on the image to view it full size.)

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Sometimes it’s good to be on the cutting edge, other times not so much. Hipsters – though you’ll never meet anyone willing to accept that label – love going against the grain, even if it literally pains them to do it.

Here in this comic you can see a pair of hipsters doing the wrong thing and justifying the heck out of it, because, you know, it’s uncool to be cool.

Click on the image to see the cartoon in full-size.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Maybe you have mommy issues, maybe you don’t. Or maybe you’re in that in-between realm where you’re not sure if you do or not. Spoiler alert, you have mommy issues.

What did YOU do for your mother on Mother’s Day, this most fabricated of all holidays. Come on, let’s get real, we all know it’s true. This is a Hallmark-Invented holiday designed to get you to spend mad stacks of money, and one that works uncommonly well. Continue Reading

It makes sense. All you have to do to honor Arbor Day is plant some trees. It’s the day of trees, after all. Find a good spot with some sunshine, throw down a seedling, call it a day, right?

It turns out it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes, it turns out, you have to also obey the law and not get yourself arrested. Seems crazy, right? I mean, we’re just talking about trees, aren’t we? Continue Reading

We’ve all wondered when He’d get around to returning. At the sermon on the mount he said he’d return before the last of them in attendance had died, but what a kidder that Christ was, for the love of God.

If Christ returned, would he be given a platform from which to speak his peace, or would He immediately be re-crucified, most likely by His own adherents. How would they actually know it’s Him?

I’ve heard it said that, we “would know,” but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from social media, it’s that even with the most resounding of consensus, there are still 200-million people who disagree. Will they form their own religion?

It’s not like there will be any supernatural occurrence that will convince the world. No, that would require an actual Christ, a being that has never been properly documented of scientifically falsified.

To see my comics as soon as they run check out GlossyNews.com/c.

INDIANAPOLIS – Lacking the necessary analytical skills to objectively critique a work of theatre, parents of youngsters in a St Vincent High School production of Hamlet thought that the laborious, 3-hour show was pretty neat.

Congratulating her son Ben on what was actually a painfully lackluster and wooden performance in the title role, Maggie Polworth insisted that the 17-year-old was “really fun” and that he looked “very funny” in those navy blue tights. Continue Reading

Poets are bad enough, but the self-proclaimed poets are even worse still. Sometimes you want to challenge them, see if they’ve really got what it takes.

Well this nay-sayer does just that with, well, unexpected results.

I guess the full-on war against poetry will have to wait until next year. Continue Reading

We’ve all been to that party. There’s a girl there, maybe she’s drunk or just otherwise an idiot, and you just listen and listen as she prattles on about who-cares-what, because there’s that outside chance you can plant a kiss on her.

Well this comic is all about that.

You found an adorable little party-monkey, you don’t care that she’s spouting off random whatever about, let’s be honest, less important whatever stuffs… but you just let her talk and talk and talk. Yeah baby, that’s super interesting.

How I met my wife. We’re quite happy*.

* Not actually married. Long story.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Presented in the proper light, anything can be deemed to be cool, hip and worthy. Hell, just slap a fedora on a crap-burger, and hipsters will embrace it wholly.

CLICK THE IMAGE to see it full-sized.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

We’ve lived on this planet for thirty-five years now, and though we have easily adopted their mannerisms, assumed their practices, and assimilated their languages, we think it’s safe to say there are some things that we will never understand – as sure as Rumyliak has three suns and Gorpin was a grifter.

Lately, we have become increasingly fascinated (as much as a Rumyliakan can be fascinated, huhuhu) with what terrestrians call “Celebrities”. Continue Reading