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Farewell to a Legend. RIP Conservative Stephen Colbert

Farewell to a Legend. RIP Conservative Stephen Colbert

As a fake news man myself, I’ve been a loyal devotee of Stephen Colbert since before the pseudo-pundit had his own show.

Thursday, the legendary difference-maker signed off as his quasi-conservative self for the last time.

I watched the very first episode, and in the 1,447 episode run, I’ve probably only missed a dozen. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Television0 Comments

How to pull the perfect Christmas Present Poker Face

How to pull the perfect Christmas Present Poker Face

It is Christmas morning and the anticipation is killing you, all you want to do it dive into your stack of presents and find out what your close friends and family have got you this year.

There is no finer sight than the face of a loved one opening a gift and being overcome with joy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Society0 Comments

Sony Pulls Out Just before Big Release

Sony Pulls Out Just before Big Release

Just over a week before the climactic release of Sony Picture’s “The Interview” starring Seth Rogan and James Franco, the studio has decided to pull out.

Sony has received a serious pounding after hackers gained access to the back door of the movie studio’s network.

With releases of salaries, social security numbers, and AIM exchanges, Sony’s stock is experiencing shrinkage as hackers are expected to tear further into the private sections of Sony’s database. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Crime2 Comments

New Scrooge Tale Bakes The Halls

New Scrooge Tale Bakes The Halls

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Add Macy’s to the long list of companies commemorating the loss of America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, this holiday season.

The Center City location announced that they have slightly altered Dickens Village, a tradition that has run unchanged for the last twenty years, displaying the tale of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.

Dickens Village is a 6,000-square-foot walkthrough experience that transports visitors to 1840s London and features 26 heart-warming scenes housed in the Egyptian Room of the famed Wanamaker Building on Market Street. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Entertainment2 Comments

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Who’s Gonna Fill The Blank?

Nick Griffin: UK. Former British National Party, Goosestepping Eagle-Polisher.

Pros:

1. Impeccable far left credentials:

Economic centralism. Top-down, statist, collectivist, elitist/populist, authoritarian, general chauvinist. Perfect fit for the Trot SWP/Spartacists, let alone Labour.
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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics4 Comments

Hallmark Creates an Alternative to Holiday Cards

Hallmark Creates an Alternative to Holiday Cards

Kansas City, Missouri – Hallmark Cards, Inc. made an exciting announcement, Tuesday morning, that they will be offering an alternative to traditional greeting cards this holiday season known as the “This Card Is Not A Card” Series.

The new release was designed for people that want to give a card to accompany a gift, but do not want to deal with the emotional stress involved in selecting one that contains the perfect amount of sentimental or comedic effects.

In addition to stress, cost was also a significant factor in the new creation as the average price of a holiday card has skyrocketed to $5.79. The new alternatives range from $0.99 to $2.49 and are available in stores and online.

“This is a whole new concept,” said Swedish Psychoanalyst, Heinrich T. Heimichschlopper.

“For centuries, man has dealt with the issue of wanting to give a card with a gift, but not wanting to give a card at the same time due to the stress that comes with having to find the appropriate card, whether it be funny, sentimental or vicariously evil. These new holiday cards that are cards, but at the same time are not cards, solve all those issues. Astounding!” Heimichschlopper added.

In addition to being praised by the critics, consumers are also reacting positively.

“This revolutionary line completely changes the way we give gifts to people who have no appreciation for the gift-givers efforts in finding the card,” said Justine Rodier, who until this release had completely lost faith in Hallmark’s card selection.

“I have chosen the wrong card hundreds of times, in a variety of different situations and there is nothing worse than the reaction from the person who received the card with a graphic or phrase that doesn’t match their personality,” Rodier added.

Hallmark has been struggling as of late, but expects to see strong sales from their new products. “After publishing our millionth card, we began noticing an unfavorable trend in product sales,” said Vice President of Creative Services, Margaret Splishfish.

“Year after year, consumers visit their neighborhood gift shops that offer a variety of emotional cards and they finally snapped! Everyone at corporate knew it was time for a change,” Splishfish added.

The card alternatives are being released exclusively for the 2014 holiday season and come with seven different phrases including: “Are you looking for a card? Because this is not a card” and “This card does not represent an actual card.” Due to human emotions typically associated with greeting or holiday cards, all traditional images and colors have been removed from the new line as to disassociate them from all previously created greeting cards.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Entertainment8 Comments

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Thought there were no convincing(-ish) short notice candidates to replace Ed Milliband when the last-minute coup occurs?

You were wrong!

Or rather…

Subjected-By-Petty-Bourgeois-Ideology-To-The-Mystifications-Of-Late-Capitalist-False-Consciousness™.

(Huh? Anyone? Nah… me neither). Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics14 Comments

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass (NSFW)

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass (NSFW)

Rod Blagojevich hasn’t been content with his recent numerous high profile media appearances.

You know, Celebrity Apprentice, biased FOX/MSNBC news reports, Oprah Winfrey…

And even the “Wanted” posters pinned up in a certain large urban settlement in Illinois.

So he’s decided that in order to really hit the big-time again, and be “wanted” in a much “nicer” way, an appearance on Celebrity Career Re-boot (Culinary Version) was a pressing necessity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television2 Comments

ISIS Targets U.S. Comicbook Market

ISIS Targets U.S. Comicbook Market

ISIS is reported to be using old established oil smuggling routes to sell oil on the black market for millions of dollars. While that certainly is a lot of money, it is insignificant compared to the market they are currently tapping. Comics.

While CIA analysts concede that ISIS is the best funded, most sophistocated terror network the world has ever seen, they conclude, “They ain’t Hydra”. This may appear reassuring, but when one considers the fact that Hydra does not exist and ISIS does, it brings into question the CIA’s grip on reality. Then things got weirder.

Additional revelations coming out of the CIA recently point to a huge strike in the U.S. by ISIS aimed squarely at the comicbook industry. According to a classified CIA report uncovered by The National Enquirer, ISIS has been cultivating disaffected youth in the U.S. for several years.

“The largest repository of aimless, disassociated, anti-social or simply socially inept males of low intelligence, high gullibility and no girlfriends is in the comicbook demographics,” said Dr. Gunter Chang, Director of Cognitive Studies at the Central Intelligence Agency. “This makes them wide open for any type of depraved imagery and twisted reality.”

“But enough preaching about Seth Rogen! Let me be blunt!” Chang continued. “Youth that shuts out reality playing games comprise only 13% of successful recruiting efforts by ISIS. That’s because at least they are doing something. Porn aficionados make up less than 1%. Joysticks aside, the comicbook demographics make up the rest. The radicalization potential of an empty vessel approaches infinity in the presence of a cataylst like glossy-over-stylized-pseudo-violent-make-believe.”

Others at the CIA claim to have uncovered ISIS connections in a string of what were initally thought to be unreated events of vandelism and arson focused on comic resellers. The arson attacks on warehouses of Mile High Comics in Colorado and MyComicShop in Dallas, two of the largest reseller of back issues and used comics in the U.S., is only the tip of the iceberg.

‘I don’t know whether to laugh or cry,” said Chuck Rzanski, The Godfather of the industry and somewhat bi-polar owner of Mile High Comics. “All my inventory, gone in an instant, kind of like the value of Superman Vol 2 Issue# 75, The Death of Superman,” Rzanski laughed manically before pulling a gun and forcing an end to the interview.

What these high profile attacks has done is send the price of silver and copper age comics through the roof and it is believed that ISIS is selling it’s own vast comicbook collection on the black market for millions. Plus they are rumored to be launching 12 new comic titles after the first of the year.

A video released after the attack on the warehouse of Searchlight Comics in New Jersey showed a black clad teen recklessly swinging a blade around, injuring a few other black clad figures standing nearby. When the video resumed, the figure declared “Death to the U.S. comic industry!” and added, “Maybe now my freaking Punisher collection will be worth something.” He promised more attacks on comic related activities in the near future until his mother came down to the basement and made him stop.

Experts at the CIA tried to mitigate the extent of the threat. They point out that the comic industry is a very resilient hard target that has seen tougher times than this. According to counter-terrorism expert Frank Castle, “This may sound dire, but from our analysis The Punisher is never going to be worth crap!”

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc17 Comments

Rush Bans Bibles From US Schools, Buchanan Equivocal(-ish) (I)

Rush Bans Bibles From US Schools, Buchanan Equivocal(-ish) (I)

Normally it’s the Democratic Party that is accused of Warring-Against-Christianity™ and Driving-God-Out-Of-The-Schools™.

But now the conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has jumped on the Pinko-Liberal-Secular-Darwinianist-Homosexual-Bandwagon:

I mean, people are talking about all these superstitious and fanatical texts… that Quran book, Dianetics, Das Kapital, the Miley Cyrus autobiography… Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Television0 Comments

SCOOP! Glossy News Gets Script from New Disney Star Wars Movie!

SCOOP! Glossy News Gets Script from New Disney Star Wars Movie!

Forget the stingy, 88-minute trailer just put out, we got the real scoop!

Our intrepid, rat-like reporters just got the biggest story of the whole millennium (and that includes the Millennium Falcon!)- we copped the script from the new Star Wars movie still in production!

Here is a summary of the plot: Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Talky Pictures0 Comments

Smart Woman Proves Guessing the Beans in a Candy Bowl is a Skill Game

Smart Woman Proves Guessing the Beans in a Candy Bowl is a Skill Game

One woman was able to use her lucky number to make herself $1,000 richer in one of the most skillful gambling competitions around.

They say that there are two main ways to gamble. The first way is to play games that are completely of chance, and the second way is to play on games that are based on skill.

One woman was able to show that sometimes you don’t know which is which by winning a massive $1,000 jackpot in a bean-guessing contest. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment0 Comments

Top Online Slot Games from the Movies

Top Online Slot Games from the Movies

Let’s be honest, at one time or another, we’ve all had the odd fantasy about what it might be like to be a big Hollywood movie star.

The glitz, the glamour, the fame and fortune, it could be all ours for the taking. Ah, if only, right? Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment0 Comments

“Crack is Whack” is Back (in Black?)

“Crack is Whack” is Back (in Black?)

New York, New York–Drug Abuse Resistance Education, better known as D.A.R.E., has yet another catchy phrase it will soon be rolling out.

“Crack is Whack,” the phrase made famous by Whitney Houston in a Diane Sawyer television interview, will be unveiled as D.A.R.E.’s new slogan. “We feel this will get the kids’ attention and appeal to the younger hipper kids of today.

Just Say No was a simpleton’s approach to warning our youth about the dangers of drugs,” that according to D.A.R.E. spokeswoman Marla Jonesboro. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest1 Comment

Ozzy Osbourne to Host Grammys?

Ozzy Osbourne to Host Grammys?

Los Angeles-The 2014 Grammys featured the smooth talking LL Cool J as host along with his suave NCIS Los Angeles co-star Chris O’Donnell.

Tell grandpa to turn up his hearing aid for the 2015 Grammys, cause we all gonna need some extra volume for this one. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music3 Comments

Kim Kardashian Introduces $Rashtags on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian Introduces $Rashtags on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

New York City – Kim Kardashian added comedian to her long list of professions, Friday night, in front of a sold out crowd on The Tonight Show at NBC Studios.

Kardashian was joined by other celebrity guests including Michael Phelps, who recently found out the love of his life, a girl he met on the dating app, Tinder, was actually a man and the stars of the Dumb and Dumber remake, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Television2 Comments

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