Today Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) introduced a bill to “hasten the coming of Christ and the Revelation.” At a press conference she stated, “It seems to me as good Christians we should be doing something about the Second Coming.
This is the end times, so are we going to do anything or just talk about it? I’ll tell you. The Tea Party is the party of action.
Our bill calls for unilateral nuclear strikes against Tehran, Moscow, Beijing, that place where those weird puppets live in Team America, and Hollywood over in California.
Basically anyplace that hates America. Once we start to consume the world in fire it will flush out the Anti-Christ, so that Christ will have no choice but to return and deliver us from Satan.”
When asked about the loss of innocent lives during the strikes, Congresswoman Bachmann waved it off. “They are dying in the name of Christ. Who wouldn’t want that? Besides, what’s all fair in love and war is even more fair in the name of Christ’s love and war.”
One staffer was heard to say, “It was prophesied a woman from a Middle Western town would bring about the coming of the Savior.” When asked for clarification he said, “Savings, I meant savings by cutting entitlements to the goldbricking unemployed and those trying to suck the tit of the rich.”
“This is a no brainer for the Democrats and the president,” Congresswoman Bachmann went on. “We have a small coalition called Republicans Committed to the Revelation, mostly from Texas and Southern states and outside interests like Sarah Palin’s group whatever it’s called, who want to push this act through to force the president to sign it. It would very bad for his legacy to veto it. Who wants to be known as the president who vetoed meeting Jesus?” Indeed. Who?