Posted in Music Politics

Obama: Nat King Cole Song is ‘Homophobic’

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Americans have been left in shock after President Obama issued a statement characterizing Nat King Cole’s famous “Christmas Song” as homophobic. In a press conference held late on Friday, Obama explained that his uneasiness with the classic…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama: Nat King Cole Song is ‘Homophobic’
Posted in Politics World News

Likud Party Withdraws Support, Obama Government Collapses

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After several long hours of wrangling over the type of missiles to employ when the United States strikes Tehran next week, the Likud Party withdrew its support from President Barack Obama’s governing coalition, causing it to fall…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Likud Party Withdraws Support, Obama Government Collapses
Posted in Politics Religionism World News

Millions Mourn South African Terrorist

JOHANNESBURG – With wails running free across the air, millions of grieving humans gathered in Sandton Square on Friday afternoon to mourn the passing of a great and respected national terrorist from South Africa. Participants interviewed expressed an almost uniform…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Millions Mourn South African Terrorist
Posted in Politics

Harvard Law Launches “Stupidity is No Barrier” Policy

CAMBRIDGE – A new policy ratified by Harvard Law School will ensure that admissions officers do not discriminate against candidates on account of their stupidity. The fresh statute includes a clause which says “No heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual, genderfluid or transfag…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Harvard Law Launches “Stupidity is No Barrier” Policy
Posted in Politics

Libertarian Congress Legalizes Child Labor

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a landmark vote on Monday morning, the Libertarian-controlled Congress passed a bill eliminating all prohibitions on child labor in the United States. Standing outside the Capitol Building, large swaths of supporters wearing Ayn Rand t-shirts emblazoned…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Libertarian Congress Legalizes Child Labor
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Politics

Al Franken Reportedly Butthurt Over C-SPAN Broadcast

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Critics on the right and left are calling for C-SPAN to apologize after one of its production crew members wrongly configured Senator Al Franken’s identification bar during a broadcast, leading to heaps of butthurt. The incident occurred…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Al Franken Reportedly Butthurt Over C-SPAN Broadcast
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Scandal: Obama Admits Pansexual Affair

WASHINGTON – Tears and beers were the currency in the West Wing as news broke that President Barack Obama confessed to a “torrid and greasy” pansexual affair. Obama could scarcely hold back the tears as he recounted to the press…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scandal: Obama Admits Pansexual Affair
Posted in Crime Society

“Gun of Passion” Argument Likely to Acquit Zimmerman

SANFORD – The prospects of George Zimmerman’s conviction are looking grim after his defense lawyers presented an incredible, jaw-dropping defense of the former neighborhood watchman: the gun of passion. Zimmerman’s attorneys offered the argument after hearing a long, and often…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “Gun of Passion” Argument Likely to Acquit Zimmerman
Posted in World News

DPRK Adds Second “Democratic” to Name

PYONGYANG – In a move that is receiving widespread international approval, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has added a second “Democratic” to its name, paving the way for what Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un describes as “A new era of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! DPRK Adds Second “Democratic” to Name
Posted in Crime Television

Libertarians Claim James Gandolfini Killed By CIA

In the wake of The Sopranos star James Gandolfini’s sudden death,libertarians everywhere are saying the actor was assassinated by the Central Intelligence Agency. Just after getting word of the Gandolfini’s tragic passing, the website ronpaulrulz posted the following conspiratorial explanation:

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Libertarians Claim James Gandolfini Killed By CIA
Posted in Politics

New ‘Trans-Jewish’ Movement Sparks Outrage

A new movement being popularized on Tumblr is seeking to show solidarity with individuals worldwide who feel they are “Trans-Jewish.” According to other posts on the page, the author is concerned with giving a voice to people such as himself,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New ‘Trans-Jewish’ Movement Sparks Outrage
Posted in Politics

Plumbers Rush to Stop NSA Leak

FORT MEADE – After gaining word of a tremendous NSA leak, plumbers in Staten Island and across the country dashed to Maryland in hopes of averting an insurance claim disaster. Led by Joe Wurzelbacher and John McCain, the group of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Plumbers Rush to Stop NSA Leak
Posted in Politics World News

Michele Bachman Comes Out as Eggplant

ST. PAUL – Democrats and Republicans alike are in shock after famed Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced her exit from the closet as a proud American Eggplant. The move, which came after her recent decision not to seek reelection to the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Michele Bachman Comes Out as Eggplant
Posted in Society

General Mills to Introduce Biracial Cheerios

GOLDEN VALLEY – General Mills is attracting wide attention after announcing it will introduce a new, interracial line of Cheerios. The decision comes in the wake of controversy generated by a cute ad of the company’s, which showcases an interracial…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! General Mills to Introduce Biracial Cheerios
Posted in Politics

Report: Obama Fails to Check Privilege

The White House is on the defense after President Obama was caught failing to check his cisgender privilege at the announcement of a new cabinet appointment. According to reports, the president referred to UN Ambassador nominee Norrie Powers as “she,”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Report: Obama Fails to Check Privilege
Posted in Health Society

Tea Party Warns of Threat to American Onion

TOPEKA – Members of the Kansas Tea Party are drawing considerable attention after they released a documentary warning of a threat to the “American Onion.” Director Shelley Burnell explained her film’s purpose, saying: “For generations America has existed as an…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tea Party Warns of Threat to American Onion
Posted in Politics Serious Commentary

Poll: Majority Concede Overt Racist Moseley Likely Right

ENGLAND – In the wake of Thursday’s vicious attack in London, a new poll finds that a majority of the British public now believe the fascist leader Oswald Moseley was right when he condemned liberal immigration policies in the 1950s….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Poll: Majority Concede Overt Racist Moseley Likely Right
Posted in Health Politics

Report: Libertarianism Classified As Mental Disorder

In a development that is stirring nationwide anger, the American Psychological Association has released a report classifying Libertarianism as a mental disorder. Head researcher Paul Keynes discussed the organization’s findings, which were gleaned from a 10-year study that interviewed and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Report: Libertarianism Classified As Mental Disorder
Posted in Religionism

Gay Muslim Arrested for “Loving Mohammed”

RIYADH – An openly gay Muslim has been arrested by religious police for professing his desire to “make love” with the prophet Mohammed. According to eyewitness reports, Omar al-Haard was accosted by thirty police officers after being caught in a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Gay Muslim Arrested for “Loving Mohammed”
Posted in Health Society

Study: Libertarians Enjoy BDSM More Than Fascists

Results of a new study completed by Grove City College suggest self-identifying libertarians like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) relationships more than their opposites on the political spectrum: the fascists. Out of the 10000 people polled (split 50-50…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Study: Libertarians Enjoy BDSM More Than Fascists
Posted in Crime Crooked Cops

Drunk Telephone Pole Hits Pedestrian

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Capitol Hill is under lockdown after reports that an intoxicated telephone pole hit a pedestrian walking by his position on Constitution Avenue. The assault allegedly occurred early Saturday morning after a pair of street lamps to the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Drunk Telephone Pole Hits Pedestrian
Posted in Education

Sarah Palin Receives PhD in General Studies

Conservatives around the nation are rejoicing at news that former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has be awarded a Doctorate of Philosophy in General Studies by Pensacola Christian College. According to sources close to the governor, Palin began working on…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sarah Palin Receives PhD in General Studies
Posted in Biz News Education

College Nerd Gets Back at Frat Guys

After semesters of humiliation, a major league nerd at the University of Arizona has exacted revenge on the group of frat brothers who targeted him for ridicule for his nerdiness, among other faults. In a personal interview with Bill Maher,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! College Nerd Gets Back at Frat Guys
Posted in Education Politics

Libertarian Realizes His Ideas Make No Sense

AUBURN – After years of internal struggle, a Libertarian activist has come forth and admitted his chosen ideology does not make any sense. Jon Rockwell, 23, who likes to go by the nickname “Voluntaryist Rand,” told reporters that Libertarianism cannot…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Libertarian Realizes His Ideas Make No Sense
Posted in Politics World News

Report: Biden to Become Prime Minister of Italy

After weeks of crisis and gridlock, Italians have a new prime minister, and his name is Biden. That is, Joseph Robinette Biden. America’s vice president was selected for the position after consensus picks such as Oliver Stone and Roman Polanski…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Report: Biden to Become Prime Minister of Italy
Posted in Biz News Education

Cornfed Beefcake Seeks Harvard Professorship

RANSON – An angry, cornfed beefcake has announced his intention to quit the family farm and apply for a full professorship at Harvard University. Josiah Wilkins, who has only completed a GED and 10 college credits, made his plans clear…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cornfed Beefcake Seeks Harvard Professorship
Posted in Education Religionism

Facing SOC 101 Test, Man Makes Peace w/ God

MIDDELTOWN – With the frightening prospect of his last test this semester for SOC 101 at Lord Fairfax Community College heightening, Bo Buzby is heading to church. “I simply cannot afford to go through with this trial without first making…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Facing SOC 101 Test, Man Makes Peace w/ God
Posted in Politics

Controversy as Democratic Party Changes Name

In an effort to attract the more diverse crop of voters and political revolutionaries emerging in President Obama’s second term, Democrat leaders announced early Wednesday that their party’s name will be changed to “Socialist-Liberal-Progressive-Democrat-Marxist-Leninist-Maoist Party for Pansexual and Botox Patient…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Controversy as Democratic Party Changes Name
Posted in Politics

Scandal: Obama-Hollande Love Affair Leaked

Paris and Washington have become embroiled in scandal after a set of romantic correspondences between presidents Francois Hollande and Barack Obama were leaked to the press. The letters detail a passionate, and at times even steamy fusion of love across…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scandal: Obama-Hollande Love Affair Leaked
Posted in Religionism World News

Breaking News: Ayatollah Converts to Judaism

TEHRAN – Millions of Iranians have been left dumbfounded after the Ayatollah Khomeini announced his conversion to Judaism. News agencies in Iran say the Supreme Leader underwent his change of faiths early Wednesday and chose to make an announcement only…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Breaking News: Ayatollah Converts to Judaism