Orange, OH (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle.

House leader John Boehner vowed that if the GOP captures control of Congress this November, it will do “absolutely nothing for as long as necessary.”

Speaking to an association of tanning salon owners, Boehner candidly unveiled his party’s legislative strategy for 2011 and perhaps beyond. “Republicans strongly believe government cannot achieve much of value,” Boehner said. “And if we are successful this November, we will prove it.” Read the full story

There is worry in this country that too many in the Republican leadership have been smoking too much pot for too long. Evidence is mounting indicating that many of their leaders are suffering from short and long term memory loss.

An example of this are recent comments by House Republican Leader John Boehner stating “It is time we had grown-ups running the economy” overlooking the glaring fact that they themselves had George W. Bush running the show for eight very long years.

Another disturbing sign is the often suggestion that Obama is to blame for the economic mess that this nation is in. Anyone with either the Internet or a library handy for reference can easily surmise that this situation also started during the Cheney years.

It has even been said by someone who must truly be a heavy abuser that the blame for the Iraqi war is the present administration, a definite case of mistaken identity as the Iraqi War has always been the prized bastard child of the Republican Party.

Shouters swearing that Mr. Barack is leading the nation to socialism should be gently reminded that baby Bush pretty much worked to set the nation’s economy up as a welfare state for the already wealthy and for corporations. The rest of us were allowed to wait for trickle downs which is pretty much the same effect as getting peed on.

This disturbing lapse of mental recall within the leading conservative party has many worried that their leadership is faltering due to high Mary Jane consumption. Among some, it is hoped that it is not something more severe like Alzheimer’s Disease, which would explain why so many in that party cannot think outside of certain narrow mental regions. There is a deep-seated belief, however, that it is actually a chosen repression of memory, a conscious choice to remember only select facts of the past, much like how old timers will often remember only the bright parts of the ‘good old days’, and not the true realities of what occurred.

Suggested therapy is to have the affected leaders go through an unbiased history class viewing documents and videos of the past 50 years of political history, if necessary strapped into their seats with their eyes held open like the main character of ‘A Clockwork Orange’. Also, a drug and alcohol rehab stint with abstinence from harmful substances would help and, if necessary, also total abstinence from the horribly addicting drugs of politics and power. That would definitely be a hard cold turkey for them to go through!

Dayton, OH - John Boehner, the house minority leader, except inasmuch as he’s never represented a minority, is suffering from advanced liver disease, according to a medical billing rep at his primary care doctor’s office in Dayton, Ohio. This is apparently the cause of his orange hue, not the spray-on tanning alleged by his detractors. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — In response to the ass-trouncing recently inflicted by the Democrats over the Republicans over the hotly debated health care reform bill, Republicans in all levels of government held a press conferences early today in which they vowed that they would henceforth boycott all medical care facilities and handle all of their personal health care themselves, in their own home and using what they referred to as “traditional means”. Read the full story

Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) held a press conference last week to announce that he has started the process within the Ohio State court system to officially change his family name from Boehner (pronounced Boner) to BAY-ner (what he says is the correct pronunciation of his last name according to his official website). Boehner has tried unsuccessfully his entire career to convince his constituents and others that the correct pronunciation of his name is BAY-ner; however, that pronunciation has just not caught on.

Tired of the hang up calls left on his congressional office voice mail asking for Mr. Boner, Rep. Boehner was forced to take action. “Look, I’ll tell you what this is really about,” he said. “I have every intention of running for President in 2012, and I think that with people mispronouncing my name as Mr. Boner, I will not be able to demand the respect and serious consideration I will need while running a presidential campaign.”

The press conference was cut short due to uncontrollable laughter.

Mr. Tan Man, lend me your ear
Your type of thinking, I find very queer….

Who are the people who have run against John Beohner every two years since he entered Congress in 1990? I really must do a google search on this subject. Given the type of Congressman he is, these people, whomever they are, must have been perfectly horrible candidates. That can be the only possible explanation. The voters of Ohio can’t be that dumb, can they? Read the full story

“This bill is the greatest threat to freedom that I have seen in the nineteen years I have been here in Washington”
John Boehner
November 5, 2009

The greatest threat to freedom in nineteen years? Oh, dear! Read the full story

New York/Washington Video Cam PR Conference —Today, in a remarkable change of all the GOP’s previous protocols and party planning pow-wows, GOP Head Tit (some say ‘teat’) Rush Limbaugh and Sen. John Boehner aired the first of their many planned video conferences to the public and the mainstream media. Read the full story