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Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (2/2)

Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (2/2)

Last time:

Ok, so we’ve had the first Black President and the final Democratic President in one go. But our nation has never really had a final Republican President, maybe that’s what we’re missing?

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

How long do people have to wait? I’m not ashamed to say this is my idea…

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

Still, you don’t have to have an electric deckchair in your back garden, a taste for shooting innovative cinematic productions, or indeed a love of gunning the hell out of noisy ducks and whiny foxes and…

(No, wait, that’s my buddy Ted)…

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

No, I mean you don’t need a pretty damn robust Heath Ledger jacket, to know there’s something wrong in this country…

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

Something wrong in my country, when Obama is supposed to be the last ever electable Democrat, but our GOP candidates are not even allowed to celebrate our final ever Republican Presidency!

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

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Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (1/2)

Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash! (1/2)

Although Rick Perry is not currently in power, some maliciously devious Vast Left-Wing Conspirators™ have unearthed a scandalous document which (they claim) could put paid to Rick Perry’s hopes of running for President.

The text in question threatens to derail not only Perry’s political career, but in addition, promises to ruin any hope of a legendary US President being elected in 2016…

Insofar as these two are possibilities are actually mutually distinguishable, of course.

It looks like the other main GOP candidates are turning on Rick Perry, and attempting to smear and discredit him. Talk about about a Vast Beltway-Mainstream Conspiracy™, huh?! Continue Reading

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Simon Cowell Finally on Song for UKIP

Simon Cowell Finally on Song for UKIP

Simon Cowell used to be unjustly accused of being the UK’s nastiest and most longwinded self-styled culture expert.

So, in order to avoid the unpleasant stigma of being the nastiest man in Britain, he has finally decided to join UKIP.

Hmm… maybe he was inspired by the Fasc’ Factor event he judged not long ago? Continue Reading

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Presidential Hopeful Rand Paul Says Terrorists Have Better Music

Presidential Hopeful Rand Paul Says Terrorists Have Better Music

Cleveland Ohio – On August 6th the presidential hopefuls for the Republican party gathered in attempts to remind people that Donald Trump is not a real candidate.

Among the cocks in the cluster fuck were Governor Chris “Bridge-y McHugs” Christie and Rand Paul, a poodle fur ‘merkin enthusiast. Continue Reading

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Vatican Ruthlessly Canonizes Ungrateful Dead Infidel

Vatican Ruthlessly Canonizes Ungrateful Dead Infidel

A scandalous leaked document from the Vatican highlights an utterly disgraceful and absolutely unbelievable lapse of judgment on the part of top Church authorities…

One which will almost certainly make the Church’s reputation plummet to unprecedented depths.

But what is it? Continue Reading

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GOP/Dems War Duet: You Gotta Save Somebody 

GOP/Dems War Duet: You Gotta Save Somebody 

Someone has decided to rewrite Bob Dylan’s Gotta Serve Somebody, to fit the current climate in 2015.

The song has not been well received in Washington. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, War Zone0 Comments

Beltway Guerrilla (Hawkwind Parody)

Beltway Guerrilla (Hawkwind Parody)

Wallace Runnymede has written a parody of Hawkwind’s classic ‘Urban Guerrilla.’

But so far, he is still breathing.

Wonder why? ;)

I’m a Beltway guerrilla

Trade wars to the highest seller Continue Reading

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Brown Irishmen Six: A Song of Fury

Brown Irishmen Six: A Song of Fury

Last night another innocent, peaceful person died in an “unknown” land.

When the body of this person was pulled from the rubble in an unknown city in a certain Middle Eastern country, this message, along with a photo, was found in his breast pocket. By some miracle, the text was still intact.

The woman in the picture looked like an Irish woman, and the humorous, teasing shamrocks on the underside of the photo would appear to confirm this. Continue Reading

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Weird Al Sings Love-Lorne Rhapsody

Weird Al Sings Love-Lorne Rhapsody

NEW YORK CITY – Weird Al Yankovic is respected worldwide for his funny and sometimes daring song parodies.

The singer has been going strong for over 35 years, but it appears as if he ran into a bit of trouble earlier this month as he tried to talk his way into performing on Saturday Night Live.

In what some people may believe is an absolute travesty, Weird Al has never once been invited to be on SNL.

Considering he has been around nearly as long as the show has been airing, many fans began rallying for the show’s producer, Lorne Michaels, to invite Weird Al to the set for a performance.

The rallies began early last year as a single handwritten petition was passed from fan to fan, beginning in Weird Al’s hometown of Los Angeles, and working its way to the East Coast since January.

Once the smudged, crumpled and vomit-stained single piece of paper made its way to the Big Apple earlier this month, it contained nearly 50,000 signatures – nearly 30% of which had to be written in invisible ink due to lack of space. It was dropped on Lorne Michaels’ desk in the first week of June, but neither Weird Al nor his agent have been contacted by SNL.

“We just can’t believe that, despite the support we’ve received, we still haven’t received an invitation,” remarked Yankovic’s agent, Frye Basquette. “Weird Al has contributed enough to American culture to the point where he should at least be considered for a musical appearance on the show.”

If Weird Al were to be invited, it would be his first appearance. In 2012, Yankovic was impersonated by ultra-hack Andy Samberg, who generated exactly three laughs during his entire eight-season tenure on the show. The parody of the parody-man was generally well-received by Weird Al, but he believed it was time for a well-deserved invite.

“Al stayed up all night and wrote a song that he thought would sway Lorne in our direction,” added Basquette. “He centered the song around two of the most well-respected and talented cast members of the past 25 years. “

The song, entitled “(Sittin’ On) The Rock of the Fey,” which directly parodied soul machine Otis Redding’s 1968 orgasmatronic smash hit “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay,” was written to try and raise his appeal to Michaels, who was looking desperately for talent to save his tanking maelstrom of a show. But apparently, Michaels has so far completely ignored Weird Al’s clever creation, which contains lyrics such as:

“Sittin’ on the Rock of the Fey,

Wishin’ that I was on Saturday,

Sittin’ on the Rock of the Fey,

Wastin’ this career of mine”

It has yet to be determined whether or not Yankovic will be noticed by Michaels, but so far it does not look good. Michaels has a reputation for either exclusively inviting guests or accepting guest proposals within three-tenths of a second.

Weird Al’s petition and proposal have been in the hands (or trash cans) of SNL executives for weeks now, so the rally and single-sheet petition may have been a total waste. Record executives and fans have both shared their disdain in recent weeks.

“I’m really disappointed,” said Weird Al super-fan Donna Battaccia. “I’ve been listening to Weird Al for most of my life and I think he deserves at least a three minute set on such an influential yet recently-crappy television program.”

The song parody has drawn direct attention from Chris Rock and Tina Fey, the two former cast members who Weird Al pays homage to in the song. A cover was even designed for the single, which includes a clever depiction of Fey and Rock as natural features, with Weird Al sitting on and adjacent to the two SNL stalwarts, Rock and Fey, respectively.

There’s no clear answer as to why Weird Al has not been invited after 35 years in the business. Perhaps SNL executives have something against bringing a competing comedian and parody-man into their world for a night or perhaps the vomit-stained petition grossed out Michaels and his cronies.

No matter the case, the world continues to wonder why the artist of classics such as “It’s All About the Pentiums,” “Eat It” and “Amish Paradise” has not made an appearance on one of the world’s biggest comedy stages.

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KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

Previous version published on thespoof.co.uk, entitled: “KKK: Underground Rap A-OK, but ONLY Underground Rap.”

Well hey, some classics just bear repeating. You can’t seriously tell me my remixes are inferior to those of, say, Axwell and all those dudes.

The Ku Klux Klan has made a somewhat peculiar (and not necessarily entirely sincere?) attempt to find black supporters and allies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Strange People, Top Stories1 Comment

Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

Disclaimer:

I have tried to write an alternative to Elvis Costello’s “Oliver’s Army,” under parody and fair use, as a tribute to Costello’s song.

As someone from Northern Ireland, my reading of the original song is that in in times of armed conflict, practically no-one gains anything.

No disrespect to Elvis Costello and the Attractions, or any other form of presumption, is intended. I also do not anticipate or imply any endorsement, criticism, or other value judgment on the part of the original song writers and performers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Music0 Comments

Kanye West is a Breadophile! Horrifying Truth Comes Out at the Grammys!

Kanye West is a Breadophile! Horrifying Truth Comes Out at the Grammys!

Los Angeles, California – Underfilled baskets, uncooked breadsticks and inappropriate butterings. These were the truths revealed by rapper, Kanye West, this past Sunday at the 57th Annual Grammy Awards in the Staples Center.

The man who crashed Taylor Swift’s award reception at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards arrived in a stretch limo and entered the building with a guest he introduced as Kim Karbatchian. Continue Reading

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One Direction Alters Name in Honor of Extinct Restaurant Chain

One Direction Alters Name in Honor of Extinct Restaurant Chain

New York City –

“Olive Garden you light up my tummy like nobody else,
The way your breadsticks are buttered gets me overwhelmed,
When I’m docile and out of pounds it ain’t hard to tell,
You don’t go,
Oh, oh,
You always know your baskets full”

These are lyrics from the band’s newest song “What Makes Your Baskets Full” as performed for the first time on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, honoring the beloved restaurant chain that featured never-ending breadstick baskets that once came complimentary with the purchase of any entree or as part of the soup and salad lunch option.

Following the appetizingly delicious performance, the band announced they will now be known as Bun Direction or BD for short, in honor of the creature that roamed the earth for more than 32 years before succumbing to extinction early last year.

“It’s been a long time coming,” said Saturday Night Live’s creator, Lorne Michaels, from his New York City office he had customized to resemble an authentic Olive Garden restaurant. “I had been in touch with the band’s managers last year when the Olive Garden left our world and it was just a matter of timing as the band’s members loved putting the long and narrow items in their mouths more than anyone else,” Michaels added.

In addition to the updated number they plan on adding to their next album, Bake Me Home, expected to be released in March, Bun Direction has already been asked to perform at the Brit Awards on February 25th in their hometown of London (backyard for Niall James Horan who is from Ireland).

“Every time we sing this song, we can taste the smooth, buttery flavor on our lips,” the band said collectively in a recent interview with Alton Brown, creator and host of the Food Network show, Good Eats. “We hope this song, along with our new name, will ensure that the world will never forget,” the band added.

To download merchandise with the new logo and to download complete lyrics for “What Makes Your Baskets Full” please visit www.onedirectioninabun.com

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Ozzy Osbourne to Host Grammys?

Ozzy Osbourne to Host Grammys?

Los Angeles-The 2014 Grammys featured the smooth talking LL Cool J as host along with his suave NCIS Los Angeles co-star Chris O’Donnell.

Tell grandpa to turn up his hearing aid for the 2015 Grammys, cause we all gonna need some extra volume for this one. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music3 Comments

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Disclaimer: An earlier version of this was previously published on TheSpoof.com. Still, the warning below about the 21st century’s deadliest rap grudge still bears repeating. Don’t say I never warned you.

OK, so right, there’s a lot of jive goin’ down about the so-called grudge between Tupac and Biggie; however, this mainstream, far-from-edgy storm in a teacup pales in comparison to the biggest, baddest rap grudge in history. Check it. Continue Reading

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Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Wyomissing, Pennsylvania – Professional Tailor, Bill Swift, Owner and Operator of Tailor Swift’s House of Threds, has been an expert at altering clothing since his shop first opened in June of 1979 on the corner of Reading Boulevard and Clayton Avenue in downtown Wyomissing.

Known to the locals as Tailor Swift, he has pleased thousands of customers with his precise and cost efficient tailoring, relying only on word-of-mouth advertising to increase his customer base. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music2 Comments

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