Archive | Music

Jay Z Drops “The Bananas Gloat Song.” Goes Viral

Jay Z Drops “The Bananas Gloat Song.” Goes Viral

“Kanye! Kaaaaaanye! Daylight come and you won’t go home….”

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

We wanted to publish more, but we were advised not to.

Posted in Music1 Comment

Trump Taps Kanye West as Next Press Secretary

Trump Taps Kanye West as Next Press Secretary

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment, Music, Politics, Strange People7 Comments

Morsi’s Democracy (Song Parody, NSFW)

Morsi’s Democracy (Song Parody, NSFW)

This parody of ‘Chinese Democracy’ by Guns ‘n’ Roses is dedicated to everyone who has ever stood up to political Islamists. 

If the theocrats really do believe hellfire exists, then every moment of their life should be one of the utmost terror and foreboding.

Hellfire awaits the Jihadi

Gonna find out for yourself

Endless torment, Jihadi

You’re gonna leave this world,

Cast down forever below the earth

 

Rotten pigfucking missionary

Crack-smoking Dawahmongering visionary

Hatin’ on them pesky gays ‘n’ Jews

Hellfire is for those who lose

I know that you’re a worthless prick

An enchanting story-peddling dick

Blame it on the Coptic guys

You will meet your end and greet the flames of hell now

 

Yeah subhuman vermin shit like you

Gonna win your virgins by raping?

But even with a little dried-up dick

All you got left is masturbation

I’m gonna gas the rats, is it really really such a crime?

 

Your bullshit don’t really matter

You’ll discover hellfire for yourself

No you don’t really matter

So you can hear your judgment from

Somebody else

 

Cause it would take longer than eternity

To consummate your vile damnation

Even with your tearful eyes

Satan smirks at your masturbation but all you got is

Damnation for all time

 

Your bullshit don’t really matter

You’ll discover hellfire for yourself

No you don’t really matter

So you can hear your judgment from

Somebody else

 

Keep your broke-ass lil fuck puppet locked up inside

Beat her, choke her, rape her, hear your children cry

She’ll come and haunt you in your prison cell

And she’ll choke you! Blazing barbed wire in hell

Nothing can ever make you stop

Hell’s torments, he screams, your eyes will pop

No more hypocrite’s repentance

Cos you’re forever out of time!

 

Posted in Music, World News0 Comments

What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment

What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment

With the Election mercifully only hours away, the three major candidates (and one cameo candidate) are done putting the final touches on their respective Frankenstein campaigns. Using an unholy combination of satanic ritual coupled with classified NSA technology that hasn’t been leaked just yet, GlossyNews is pleased to reveal what each candidate is doing right this moment.

Gary Johnson–Libertarian:

1) Imagining there is a zero behind his poll numbers.

2) Revisiting his debate points and pretending he actually rated debating.

3) Regretting deleting all his porn.

4) Listening to Kaleo–“Way Down We Go” while he slowly rocks back and forth.

5) Applying for Canadian citizenship.

Hillary Clinton–Democrat:

1) Pondering how to gracefully never invite Beyonce and Jay Z to the White House. Continue Reading

Posted in Music, Politics, Top Stories2 Comments

Hey Hey Donald Hey! (With Apologies to Bill Frederick’s: Hey Hey LBJ!)

Hey Hey Donald Hey! (With Apologies to Bill Frederick’s: Hey Hey LBJ!)

Hey Hey Donald Hey,
How many casinos did you lose today?
Gonna file for bankruptcy and lose your dollars now, oh, boy!
Donald Trump has eager hands to grab another bargain,
She runs off and tells the mob that Donald Trump is lying!
Hey Hey Donald Hey,
How many women did you lose today?
Gonna be a felon now and go to prison now, oh, boy!

Continue Reading

Posted in Internets Tubes, Music, Top Stories0 Comments

“To be Finished Would be a Relief”: Solving the Mystery of Cameron’s Resignation Song

“To be Finished Would be a Relief”: Solving the Mystery of Cameron’s Resignation Song

The end of David Cameron’s tenure as Prime Minister was a hectic one to say the least. With the country practically imploding after Brexit, Cameron had to take the blame for the emerging crisis. But when Cameron started humming a tune after his resignation speech (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gz6mZYxS0A) it made matters more amusing, but also sent the internet and media into a craze of wild guesses: what was Cameron humming?

Continue Reading

Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

9/11 Problems (Video & Lyrics Together!)

9/11 Problems (Video & Lyrics Together!)

If you’re having Bush problems I feel bad for you son

I got 9/11 problems but a Clinton ain’t one!

Bush dirty rat drop bombs on Iraqi foes

Kill a million US soldiers cause he’s the boss ya know Continue Reading

Posted in Internets Tubes, Music0 Comments

Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

AMSTERDAM – According to secret terms of the TTIP treaty, recently leaked by Greenpeace Netherlands, the U.S. must finally be allowed to enter the Eurovision Song Contest.

“Excluding the U.S. from the Eurovision Song Contest is a clear violation of free trade,” said U.S. trade negotiator Mickey Cant. “Europe could use a little bit more American know-how when it comes to pop music. We are tired of being unjustly excluded.”

Additional leaked documents show that the European negotiators were “horrified” at the prospect of American pop bands entering the beloved Song Contest, with one French negotiator protesting that “American pop is even lower than kitsch and unworthy of Eurovision.”

Continue Reading

Posted in Music, Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Empire Danger! High Bombers! (Song Parody: With Apologies to Electric Six!)

Empire Danger! High Bombers! (Song Parody: With Apologies to Electric Six!)

Firebombs in Baghdad!

Fire in the Middle East!

 

Firebombs in Damascus!

Fire rages from the horny beast!

 

Don’t you want to know how to set kids on fire?

It’s my desire, I’m a Tory liar! Continue Reading

Posted in Music, War Zone0 Comments

Noël Coward Parody: Don’t Let’s Be Beastly to Jihadists

Noël Coward Parody: Don’t Let’s Be Beastly to Jihadists

Noël Coward famously sang ‘Don’t Let’s be Beastly to the Germans!’ As always, the dour and humorless were not impressed.

Yeah, Daily Mail link… I know! How things change in a few decades! Continue Reading

Posted in Music, War Zone0 Comments

Bono: ‘Concert in Syria? Over My Dead Body, Lad!’

Bono: ‘Concert in Syria? Over My Dead Body, Lad!’

For some time now, people have been wondering whether Bono will be jetting off to Syria and Iraq, in order to single-handedly deliver the beleaguered citizens of these countries from the perils of war.

But he’s not having it!

C’mon lad! Just give us some bloody innovation, would ya? Not going to perform nothing in Syria, so I’m not.

Sure who cares about all this here about embattled autocratic leaders and beleaguered states struggling to find a common life amid the turmoil of age-old religious conflict? Sure if I wanted any of that there, I could just take a quick hike up North! Continue Reading

Posted in Music, War Zone0 Comments

Sunstormtroopin’ With Our Leader Captain Murdoch (To the Tune of “Starship Trooping”)

Sunstormtroopin’ With Our Leader Captain Murdoch (To the Tune of “Starship Trooping”)

Sunstormtroopin’ across the Shillaverse

Our dodgy media enterprise and glorious leader Captain Murdoch

Shitstormtroopin’ across the universe

At least we’re not the BBC, gotta helluh private purse!

 

Another immigrant report… Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Music0 Comments

Freddy Mercury “Entirely Unsuitable” for Benjamin Disraeli Biopic

Freddy Mercury “Entirely Unsuitable” for Benjamin Disraeli Biopic

The new Freddie Mercury biopic proceeds apace. Various news reports reminded us of how Sacha Baron Cohen will not be playing the role of Freddie Mercury in this film after all. It seems that Cohen’s vision of the film was that of an anarchic Swiftian livewire, but not everyone agreed with his approach. Classic example of ‘artistic differences.’

http://europe.newsweek.com/sacha-baron-cohen-opens-about-leaving-freddie-mercury-movie-435420?rm=eu

http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/leisure/showbiz/14335159.Sacha_Baron_Cohen_reveals_dispute_with_Queen_made_him_quit_playing_Freddie_Mercury_in_upcoming_biopic/ 

But Brian May has recently revealed that Freddie Mercury once found himself in a very similar situation for the previously little known Francis Ford Coppola biopic of Disraeli. The latter edgy arthouse flick, by now, is ignobly confined to late night History Channel re-runs and David Cameron’s ludicrously antiquated and irrelevant stash of Betamax Z-movies.

The director had high hopes for Freddie, but before long, tempers started fraying. Disraeli was known for his ‘top bants’ in Parliament, as is well enough known… Continue Reading

Posted in Music, Talky Pictures0 Comments

Song Parody: Gimme Gimme Gimme Jihad After Midnight

Song Parody: Gimme Gimme Gimme Jihad After Midnight

Just past prayers
And I’m watching haram movies in my flat all alone
How I hate to make this Dua on my own
Howling winds
Blowing outside my bowels as I munch some shrooms
And it makes me really want to make a boom

My soul is nearly there
I grunt and offer up a prayer
I twitch my brow like Tony Blairrrrr!

Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
Won’t somebody help me blast the kafrs away
Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
End Satan’s reign of terror, begin the Caliphate’s day

Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
Won’t somebody help me blast the kafrs away
Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
I’m so sick of this oppression from the Jews and the gays Continue Reading

Posted in Music, War Zone0 Comments

Strange Things Happen When You Have a Rock Band With Dave Barry And Stephen King In It. Maybe A Little Too Strange……

Strange Things Happen When You Have a Rock Band With Dave Barry And Stephen King In It. Maybe A Little Too Strange……

It all started very normally. It was a usual, quiet evening with the Rock Bottom Remainders setting up their equipment for another gig.

OK, actually, the Rock Bottom Remainders are not really so very normal. Their roster is made up of all famous literary and artistic people like Dave Barry the humor writer, Stephen King the horror novelist, Amy Tan the fictionalist, Mitch Albom an author, Matt Groening the creator of the Simpsons and Ray Blount Jr. another humor writer. Together they equal fully half of the literary output of the entire United States with King supplying the entire creative output of the state of Maine. And, yes, this is a real group. And they really do go around and perform together. Honest!!! Continue Reading

Posted in Entertainment, Music0 Comments

Bono & Peter Gabriel Slam Wagner: ‘Don’t Separate the Man from the Music!’ (2/2)

Bono & Peter Gabriel Slam Wagner: ‘Don’t Separate the Man from the Music!’ (2/2)

Bono continues:

No. If someone is an artist, it has to come as a whole package. Please, please, please, I beg and implore on the utmost bended knees of my soul and the deepest quivering palms of my heart:

Don’t misguidedly and ignorantly logic-chop and be selective, and say ‘I like this bit but not that bit.’

Yes, how about we just all recognise in our minds and more crucially still, in our hearts and innermost tender marrow of our souls, the essential spiritual unity and cosmic oneness of creation and of every creative person?

I can say to you now and forever: Continue Reading

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

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