Really I don’t understand why so many Liberals I have lots of admiration for get kinda ‘mouth foamy’ at the mention of Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann. My liberal friends seem to genuinely despise those two women. Myself, I don’t really hate anybody. Except for the guy who did that ‘Pina Colada” song; he should be water boarded. Read the full story

WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic leaders at the White House. Read the full story

EDITOR’S NOTE: ARTICLE WRITTEN BEFORE AGREEMENT WAS REACHED – After recent discussions in Congress over John Boehner and Harry Reid’s plans to solve the debt ceiling crisis dissolved into gavel smashing and cross-aisle spitting, political analysts have predicted that the fate of the country’s credit rating might boil down to petty children’s games like Shoots and Ladders, Candy Land, or a Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament. Read the full story

We have missed a great opportunity. Instead of passing a debt ceiling agreement, we should have just let the poop hit the fan and let everything fall though. Bills would go unpaid- then we would learn what our true priorities are and pay those. Read the full story

Jackson, MS- GlossyNews.com -Governor Haley Barbour of Mississippi announced today that the State of Mississippi now claims all rights to the use of “Mississippi” between any number while counting out loud.

In today’s press conference, the four-term governor said that the new copyright is not limited to “One Mississippi, Two Mississippi,” and so forth, but will include all integers as well as fractions. Read the full story

Asheville, North Carolina (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.

In his latest bid to pump up the economy before the 2012 election, President Obama introduced a new program, “Bucks for Burn Downs,” that will pay financially troubled homeowners to burn down their own homes. Read the full story

Whoever came up with the term “date night” to describe the seating arrangements anticipated at the President’s State of the Union Address on Tuesday night has a good handle on just how juvenile the behavior of some of our lawmakers has become. When it comes down to actually having to physically require Democrats to sit with Republicans and vice versa to give the appearance of bi-partisanship, we are in deep, deep trouble. Read the full story

The 111th Congress of what is supposedly the richest and most powerful country in the world, the United States of America, has declared bankruptcy. Following years of self inflicted, major party apartheid, selling out to corporate and higher class interests and general diddle-daddling about issues that should have been taken care of decades ago, the Federal body known as Congress has run through its allotted funding and declared Chapter 7 filing. Our greatest legislative entity has been declared indigent and will soon be foreclosed upon

Both sides of the political spectrum are blaming the other for the predicament. The Republicans say the Democrats have started too many asinine expensive government programs and the Dems contend that the GOP has been constipating the system of process with their constant nay-saying to the point of legal rigor mortis.

With the recent election returning the majority power to the Republican party, Congress is virtually in a total lame duck gridlock. There is little that will be done in the next couple years to meet and overcome important issues facing the nation. But the constant legal indigestion has finally caught up with the over two hundred year old organization that supposedly represents the American people at their highest level.

The funding for Congress has run out and its debtors have begun calling. The heating was turned off late Tuesday night. The electricity followed on Thursday. Senators and Legislators returned Monday to a dark, cold auditorium that they had to light by candles.

For the first time since the Pearl Harbor attack the legislation showed signs of spontaneous ability. The Republicans immediately started a filibuster thinking since that stopped things from happening so well recently that it would work for this too. Democrats started running around like chickens with their heads cut off, finally deciding to form a committee to investigate the situation that would take a year to complete.

The direness of the situation became apparent when the bankruptcy firm arrived and started auctioning off the furniture and office ware of the building. Some senators immediately began shredding incriminating documents naming payoff locations, the hooker services of various districts they visit, files showing their connections to big business and the personal cell phone numbers of the most attractive and naive interns.

The full extent of the matter finally hit them when the remaining parts of the Federal Government froze their wages because they were not working. Suddenly the entire body began to act with the energy of Superman. Bills started to get pushed through with amazing rapidity and both sides of the aisle started working together with the verve and camaraderie of a high school football team.

Alas, too late. On Friday all Senators and Legislators were asked to have their offices cleaned out by Monday. Unfortunately the health unemployment benefits and luxurious pensions they had long ago voted for themselves were also nullified in the bankruptcy proceedings and they were out on the street.
The devastating effects of this unprecedented occurrence has hit the Washington community hard. In one day alone all the lobbyists in D.C. were made redundant. Ex-Politicos were on major street corners with signs stating “Will block legislation for money.” Fully half of the prostitutes in a 50 mile circumference had to become waitresses to survive.

As a final act of saving themselves, Congress suggested receiving a bailout like the ones used to save Wall Street during the recession They were immediately attacked by an armed armada of furious taxpayers who tore them to pieces and mounted their heads on the fence points surrounding the building.

IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE- JANUARY 10TH, 2013
The bankruptcy and death of the 111th Congress was seen at the time as the beginning of the end of the great nation of the United States of America. How could anyone then have foreseen the incredible changes for the good that actually came of it? With the dissolution of that body which is now seen as a worthless, cash sucking black hole, the entire governmental functioning of the Feds has become a model of efficiency and has brought America into a new golden age. The collapse of Congress and the domino effect it had on the hundreds of lobbyists, consulting firms, think tanks, Halliburton, and other sponges was a cathartic purge to the system and proved to be a great healing to the U.S. economy. Financial figures just in show that the entire national debt has now been paid off with the funds saved by the dissolution of Congress.

With regards to the once powerful entity, their memory is now just a set of unimportant footnotes in American history books.

No one seems to miss them.

The miracles of our modern world never cease! Claims are now being made by many pundits that their particular variety of political soup recipe is sure to find a cure for whatever ails you. To concoct your own cure, first assemble the following ingredients you will need should you not have them already in your kitchen: Read the full story

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences Committee has nominated the Republican Party for a special judges Oscar this year, ‘Best Act Put On By A Political Organization.’

Mrs. Tallulah Bankaccount, head of the board overseeing nominations, stated “The Republican Party has for decades put on a show of pretending to be in harmony with the interests of democracy while actually gutting all rules of checks and balances and concentrating power towards their interests. They have also taken upon themselves an incredible aura of religiosity while actually harboring some of the worst conniving hypocrites around. Read the full story

It is obvious to me –I’m probably alone here– that FauxNoiz, MySpace-Dammit and Noizcorp have decided that they want to become the next Third Party in US politics. Murdoch and Ailes have made their billions on this crapo business/political scheme and now they intend to take over the whole place.

Rupi & Rog already own their airspace. So they will stage their party’s campaign completely on-air. All sponsored by those profit-producing commercials that have flocked to the network -er- political party because of Schmucko Beck. Not that they sponsor Beck. They just want to sponsor him… Read the full story

Wrigley Fjord, East Sweden (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Though she is officially America’s top diplomat, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton committed a grievous etiquette faux pas today by chewing gum in the presence of the King of Sweden, abruptly ending her visit to this Scandinavian nation. Reverberations were felt from Stockholm to Washington as the two countries’ usually friendly governments attempted to restore normal relations. Read the full story

Hope Springs, Maryland (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a triumphant moment for President Obama, the Labor Department’s newest monthly report showed that despite lingering high unemployment, the President’s stimulus program almost certainly created a job last month.

The President announced the Labor Department’s findings at a news event held in the suburban back yard of an unemployed Democratic fundraising consultant. Read the full story

The buzz word this election cycle is voter apathy, and the GOP is banking on it heavier than the “Viagra for child molesters” myth. In absence of tangible ideas (like what programs they’d actually cut,) it seems the only thing they can hope for is the majority to skip the election.

There is one arrow left, and it makes the Democrats quiver indeed, and that is the absentee vote, which has grown over every cycle in recent years. Read the full story

CHICAGOLAND, Illinois (GlossyNews) — With the advent of National Socialized Medicine, Democratic supporters squeaked in a provision that allows free abortions upon demand for any women who desires one.

Cited as free choice and a right of all women, the Pelosi sponsored amendment was added at the last moment once it was discovered that Congress had the necessary votes to pass an unpopular bill which is vastly unsupported by a vast majority of Americans. Many simply state they like our present healthcare the way it is…The best in the world. Read the full story

Webster’s Dictionary recently added a new phrase that pretty much sums up the problems facing the Democratic Party today as the important mid-term elections roll ever closer. Eloquently said, the new phrase has captured the imagination of conservative pundits as the predominate adjective used most often on television to describe the situation with the left. Read the full story