Man Ordering Drink With Meal Undoubtedly Reincarnation Of Gluttonous Roman Emperor

BETHESDA, MD—In an obscene display of wanton excess, local restaurant patron Don Mayhew stunned onlookers as he openly indulged himself in the extravagance of a soft drink along with his meal, disdainfully eschewing the common man’s glass of ice water.

Witnesses reported the hedonistic Mayhew’s request of a Diet Coke drew immediate comparisons to Emperor Aulus Vitellius (AD 15-69), the infamously gluttonous Roman ruler, even convincing some that he was the very reincarnation of him. Read more Man Ordering Drink With Meal Undoubtedly Reincarnation Of Gluttonous Roman Emperor

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Choosing the Right Store Brand Ointment is Tough, For Life is Fleeting

By Guest Writer Bill Edgecomb

What is this life but a single blink of the eye of an ever-expanding universe?

Why do we itch?

Is existence itching, the cause of which is the desire for ointment?

Are we to just wait for an itch to subside; like so many before us who have merely avoided risk to extend the length of their lives at the cost of truly living?

RIGHT: Image by Canon_Rebel_User via Flickr (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

These and many other questions come to mind when one embarks on the arduous journey of finding effective yet affordable itch relief. Read more Choosing the Right Store Brand Ointment is Tough, For Life is Fleeting

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Breaking: Glossy News to Feature Malaysia Flight 370 Article

GN Corporate Headquarters—After waiting long enough for someone, anyone, to address the issue that was clearly a major, current topic, Glossy News has finally caved in and decided to break their deafening silence regarding Malaysia Flight 370.

“I just know we were all thinking about it, but for what seemed like an eternity, not a single article about the missing jetliner had been suggested or appeared on our site. The wait for someone to address this was agonizing,” said an anonymous employee. Read more Breaking: Glossy News to Feature Malaysia Flight 370 Article

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Pathetic Résumé Supercharged by Plastic Folder

ANAHEIM, CA—The offices of Walworth and Rhodes were gut-punched with excitement upon seeing that an applicant’s otherwise completely unimpressive résumé had been placed inside a plastic folder.

With a work history that made him an unequivocal leper in the job market, applicant Kirk Scheer had little choice other than to resort to the plastic folder. Read more Pathetic Résumé Supercharged by Plastic Folder

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