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Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

It turns out that the authoritarian Russian president, Vladimir Putin, has signed a law allowing Russia (or rather, the Russian state!) to avoid following rulings from international human rights courts…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/russia-human-rights-law_566fc6bbe4b011b83a6c7040

Making such rulings subject to the authority of the Constitutional Court of Russia.

In fairness, I’m sure the latter institution won’t be making any arbitrary decisions. I have no doubt the Russian judiciary is every bit as independent and impartial as it was under Brezhnev, or indeed some of the earlier leading lights of 20th century Russian constitutional democracy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Conspiracy Theories  #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Conspiracy Theories #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy theory #846- Certain religious interests have sabotaged a vital industry that is as close to us as our skins- the condom manufacturers. Uniting under a belief that any sort of sexual union is for the purpose of producing babies only, these fanatics have infiltrated condom factories throughout the world with the intent of degrading their product. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (2/2)

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (2/2)

I really don’t know what they found more offensive; a cartoon of their prophet, or people standing around, dancing and singing and loving and having fun?

So, there’s your dilemma. If Charlie Hebdo brought it on themselves by unnecessarily ‘causing offence,’ then you will have to condemn the innocent people going out and enjoying freedom of expression, freedom of love, and freedom of fun. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (1/2)

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (1/2)

After the massacre at Charlie Hebdo, the magazine’s defenders were ridiculed as being ‘freedom of speech fundamentalists.’ The ‘semi-non-apologists’ of Coulibaly assumed the usual attitude:

Sure, it’s NOT THAT GREAT to kill someone merely for being a cartoonist… but… OMG, just look at that cartoon! I find that SO offensive!

Now, silence from the conspicuously enlightened Huggy-Downglance Brigade.

No-one dares to speak out, and blame the unnecessary offence and grievance the concert-goers in Paris caused to anyone (not least the ‘wrong kind of liberal’) who believes ‘freedom of speech demands accountability.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Putin & ISIS: Tyranny’s Latest Flamboyant Supergroup

Putin & ISIS: Tyranny’s Latest Flamboyant Supergroup

Universally beloved plastic pop enterprise X Factor has finally lost its shine.

Yup! No-one ever believed this classic of early 21st century manufactured inanity would ever end up being discredited by a flamboyant and sexually doubting, um, sexually dubious former KGB Lenin lookalike…

But such is life!

Or as Louis Walsh would no doubt belt out in his cups:

‘C’est la Vie!’

Still, the hidden hand of the music industry has guided the nation of Russia to unanticipated progress; all by means of mere individual self-interest!

Yes, just see this storming (not to say stormtrooping!) video of Russia’s most swishiest Elton John admirer for proof: Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, World News0 Comments

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (2/2)

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (2/2)

Don’t underestimate notable ‘quiet man’ Iain Duncan Smith.

I mean, he was critical of Blair’s achingly well-meaning intervention in Afghanistan, so the Tories are obviously nicer than New Labour!

The proof is in the pudding, after all. By their fruits you shall know them…

But enough of the trite cliches. I daresay this is not so much about flamboyant rhetoric.

As a compassionate conservative, I simply cannot just sit there, and see the dysgenic community in such evident distress.

And as I have so often heard from our sickly, effete, well-meaning but ineffective and sentimentally bleeding-heart leftie opponents and enemies: ‘The first principle: Do no harm.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (1/2)

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (1/2)

Iain Duncan Smith has recently shed some Blair tears over disabled people in the UK.

However, believe it or not, most disabled people have been so arrogant and ungrateful as to repudiate his compassionate conservatism!

You know, for too long, the dysgenic community in the UK has been neglected by our government.

Let us never forget that in addition to perfectly normal, non-disabled people, there are also some Untermenschen among us, and this is simply too important to ignore.

No, it is absolutely unacceptable that we should merely leave the dysgenic community and its various individual integral synthetic components alone. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (2/2)

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (2/2)

The problem isn’t so much about not listening to voters.

No, the problem is when the views of mere fallible, imperfect, and often downright ignorant and uneducated voters of mere mortal flesh and blood are…

I mean, the problem is when the mundanely average common man’s prejudices are somehow, you know, treated as some kind of abstract, default, standard, disreputably vanillaesque norm…

Yes, the problem is the tyranny of all these merely opportunistic and ignorant assumptions which are, as it were, you see, for some mysteriously undisclosed reason or another, to be somehow considered as ‘common sense.’

Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (1/2)

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (1/2)

Dynamic and charismatic political figure Tony Blair has recently made another helpful intervention, in order to clear up any confused ideas any mere ‘ordinary people’ may be stubbornly clinging to.

Yes, the former Middle East peace envoy and architect of innumerable sweepingly successful and highly lauded humanitarian interventions…

Has recently been so kind as to educate his foolish and benighted critics on where they are going wrong.

Assuming an uncustomarily longwinded and pedagogical stance, Blair twitched: Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Doctors Without Borders Invests in Body Armor, Bunkers

Doctors Without Borders Invests in Body Armor, Bunkers

The medical charity Doctors Without Borders is stocking up on body armor, underground bunkers, and armored vehicles. It’s unusual for the group of volunteer doctors to take such measures, but recent attacks by the United States have made it necessary.

“No one wants people to survive in a war zone,” said the organization’s General Director, Christopher Stokes. “We have powerful enemies, enemies who are eager to murder us and anyone in our vicinity, civilians, doctors, anyone.”

A spokesman for the United States military confirmed this. “Our job is to kill people. These doctors are getting in the way when they save lives.” Continue Reading

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British Politics Even More Boring than it Used to be Shock

British Politics Even More Boring than it Used to be Shock

British political life was never that interesting, but the election of lifetime dullard Jeremy Corbyn as leader of the opposition Labour Party has now sucked the life out of the business so spectacularly that the famous Houses of Parliament are in danger of being closed down and turned into a second hand carpet shop.

Newly-elected Labour leader Mr Corbyn is incontestably, irrefutably and without fear of contradiction the dullest man ever to appear in public. Anywhere. Ever.

If you thought debates about income tax thresholds and National Health Service waiting time statistics were boring, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Mr Corbyn, who has been in the job for only a matter of days (although it feels like years), has already endangered the careers of numerous sharp pencilled journalists with answers to provocative questions so staggeringly mundane that at least one senior news editor has had to be treated for a severe reactive catatonic shock.

Westminster medics have been overwhelmed by journalistic patients showing an array of reactive symptoms which are described as Catatonic Over-Reactive Brain Induced Necrosis (CORBIN). CORBIN produces much the same effects as being hit over the head with a heavy frying pan, but without the element of surprise or the useful ability to fry an egg afterwards.
Some of this is of course not true, but it is way more interesting than anything that has actually happened.

Delegates at the recent Labour Party conference reported that they were only able to survive the mind-numbing brainwipe that was Corbyn’s inaugural speech as leader by covertly playing free Pokies with no download on their phones and iPads whilst the Corbyn mumbled his way through the leftovers of previous leaders’ speeches that he’d found somewhere down the back of a sofa as this fictitious scenario continues.

The standing ovation at the end was nothing to do with the speech – it was an ironic celebration of former Prime Minister Gordon Brown managing to get four Lara Croft’s in a row. Poor old Gordon – he’s never been so popular – or so interesting.

“I don’t know” is one of Corbyn’s more spectacular public utterances, albeit one he saves up for those occasions when he really needs a headline grabber. “We’ll have to see,” is another.

This guy takes the whole idea of a sound bite and gently spoons mogadon into it until sounds and bites are something that might have happened once upon a time in a daydream, but it’s all a bit hazy…. Where was I… and what’s that frying pan doing here?

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Posted in Politics, World News1 Comment

‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ No, Says Republican Congressman

‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ No, Says Republican Congressman

Dennis Ladel, a Republican congressman from central Arkansas, says Pope Francis ‘is not Catholic enough to be Pope’.

The freshman congressman objected to a number of positions the Pope took softening the Church opposition on gay civil unions, contraception and divorce.

Mr. Ladels comments, aside from sparking a backlash from Catholics worldwide, may have greater implications by throwing into question millions of decisions that were confirmed by the phrase ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism, World News1 Comment

Putin Smirks: ‘I Venerate the Sweat of Sportsmen in the Evening’

Putin Smirks: ‘I Venerate the Sweat of Sportsmen in the Evening’

Vladimir Putin has now liberated most Russian football clubs and has gently taken them under his wing, guiding them into the comforting and steady hands of public ownership.

So from now on, if private football clubs wish to remain private, they must now prove their moral and spiritual worth (say nothing of financial!), by making their players wear long shorts for modesty.

Especially the men’s clubs! Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Scandals, World News0 Comments

Section 28ers Suffer Backdoor Infiltration: ‘Trot Entryist’ Conspiracy!!!

Section 28ers Suffer Backdoor Infiltration: ‘Trot Entryist’ Conspiracy!!!

The gay-bashing sub-Bullington-Boys caucus, the UK’s hetero-supremacist Section 28 caucus, have found themselves in a sticky situation.

But this time, it isn’t because a handful of London cabinet ministers and active participants in the scandalous London culture of sexual politics, um, sexual regulation, have suddenly capriciously withdrawn and left the Section 28ers high and dry!

You know, in order to pursue new acts of conquest, and joyously penetrate fresh new virgin territories…

So as to cheaply exploit the material and spiritual resources of their complicit and unprincipled compradors and Patsies, um, patsies in a measurably fullthroated and hearty manner. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

A German Farmer Hears A Knock Upon His Door Early One Morning

A German Farmer Hears A Knock Upon His Door Early One Morning

A German farmer hears a knock upon his door early one morning. Upon opening it he is greeted by the sight of a bedraggled immigrant family outside with a number of children. They are wearing tattered and torn clothes native to their area of the globe.

“Good day!” says the lightly bearded, smiling man in heavily accented English who must be the father of the family.

“We have just snuck across your border and would like to get the generous asylum that you Germans offer. We escaped from our country where we have never learned to get along or assimilate with the minorities in our own land and have infighting within our own religious sects to the point where we are willing to brutally kill, maim and blow each other up. Due to the negativities in our religious and political beliefs we are unable to maintain a stable government and resort to killing and imprisoning each other over petty things.”

“We subjugate our women, our children and our minorities to the point where they cannot even maintain any sort of profitable or independent lifestyle. Our women are virtual slaves to every lust or drudgery we men inflict upon them by men from childhood to adulthood.”

“Our religion and our police state regimes keep us so backward socially that we are eternally in poverty and so crippled intellectually that we still exist at a medieval level and are unable to compete financially with the rest of the world around us.”

“That is why we are escaping our negative society and wandering to your land so that you can clothe and feed us and give us monetary handouts and jobs and welfare and all the other benefits that your people have worked for decades to develop.

We feel that because we are poor and unwilling to face the problems we have in our own lands we will invade your and share our problems with you. We watched closely for the last couple decades as you took in and sheltered immigrants from every other catastrophe in the European area and feel you are obligated to do the same with us.”

“To get here we paid what little money we had to criminals to illegally bring us to your western lands against the will of your leaders at great risk to ourselves, our wives and our children. We then showed disrespect for the borders and laws of every country we tramped through to get here and rejected offers of asylum at those places because we know Germany is the golden goose of Europe and we can get richer here.”

“Once established here we will refuse to fully adapt into your land, form our own enclaves and our young will eventually become angry with you and plot against you to your own disadvantage.”

“So, where are the apartments you must give us and the food and the clothing?”

While all this was being said, the German farmers very old mother doddered slowly up to the door and listened in to what was being said.

“Himmel willen!” she cried. “We rebuilt this land back up from the ashes after an Austrian, another Auslander, came in and dictated what we were to do and how. We had to clean up after his mess and I don’t see why we should have to clean up after yours too!” She then slammed the door in his face.

The Mideast father was stunned by this for a moment, then finally turned to his wife and said, “OK, let’s try the next farmhouse.”

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President Assad Comes out as Secular, Hezbollah Furious

President Assad Comes out as Secular, Hezbollah Furious

Hezbollah has been assisting President Assad of Syria in fighting many of his enemies; not least the self-styled “Caliph” Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

However, Hezbollah have recently decided to pull their forces out of Syria, on account of a shameless revelation the Syrian leader made on a Qatarese television show.

In front of millions of viewers, Assad wept: Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

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