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Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged

Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged

A young Brazilian boy, accused of stealing a simple joke from his classmate and friend, was found hanged in front of his home, a pile of human shit piled against one another.

The young boy’s mother was left crying her tears out, but none of it mattered, for the people were too busy stealing from one another and justifying them with “justice”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, World News0 Comments

The ‘Avengers’ Called Upon to Battle Militant Extremists in Iraq

The ‘Avengers’ Called Upon to Battle Militant Extremists in Iraq

United Nations – The United Nations has formally asked the ‘Avengers’ to step in and quell the current wave of violence in Iraq that is being waged by the extremist terror group known as ISIS.

As the terrorist savages closed in on Baghdad, the world’s leaders unanimously threw their hands in the air and admitted they were powerless to stop the heathens and their thirst for blood in the region.
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Posted in World News3 Comments

NRA Buys Chinese Knife Companies To Corner Mass Murder Market In Mainland China

NRA Buys Chinese Knife Companies To Corner Mass Murder Market In Mainland China

The NRA, in a startling move, has bought up several mainland Chinese knife firms to encourage their nationals use of guns rather than knives.

China has recently suffered a number of knife attacks at train stations and other public places that have been horrific in nature and resulted in terrible injuries and deaths.

Some of the attacks perpetrated by deranged individuals have been on school children and people merely waiting for a train. On one occasion members of a Muslim separatist group attacked people at a remote railway station resulting in several deaths. Continue Reading

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Putin: “American Spring Has Begun”

Putin: “American Spring Has Begun”

Moscow, Russia–In a television interview that is rocking world politics, Russian President Vladimir Putin told Sky News the United States is in the early stages of a revolution.

“Yes I believe an American Spring has begun, and I am not talking about the birds and the bees the flowers and the trees,” said a resolute Putin during a television interview on Saturday. Continue Reading

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Putin Drags Russia Back To The Czarist Times

Putin Drags Russia Back To The Czarist Times

We thought the Cold War was over.

Now Vladimir Putin has taken his nation back beyond that to the time of the Czars.

He himself is the new Czar. No joke.

The man who tried so hard to show the world that he was a socially conscious leader able to see things from an understanding, international viewpoint with his helming of the 2014 Winter Olympics turned and showed his dark side only a few scant days later with the turmoil in Crimea.

Image appears courtesy of FreakingNews.com. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Putin can’t handle protest. He doesn’t understand it. He fears it. He grew up in a country where you don’t dare raise a voice in protest to anything. You will get squashed. Putin learned early to be a squasher. He made it his profession.

He also made doing things underhandedly and secretive his policy. That is why he rose high in the strata at the KGB. He was good at it. Underground dirty tricks are another form of protest, one that is more effective when you want to change something that is generally accepted. Out and out protesting takes some guts. Doing things sneakily is easier, takes less courage and makes you feel smarter than everyone else; something Putin thrives on.

When Putin saw his buddy Yanukovych, the President of Ukraine, getting screamed at by masses of protestors sick of his corrupt politics, he couldn’t understand it. He saw Yanukovych’s response (killing a few protestors with hidden sniper fire and sending in special police forces that beat protestors) as not strong enough, but still put him under his wing when Yanukovych flew the coop with millions in ill gotten loot when things got too hot.

Putin, scared by the very non-Soviet style upheaval taking place in their former comrade’s land, reacted paranoiacly to the situation. He snuck paramilitary personnel into the Crimea, Russia’s naval toe hold in the Black Sea, with the intention of wresting it away from Ukraine.

This is Russia’s old Soviet policy come back to life again- take what you want where and when you want it. It worked at the end of World War Two when the rampaging Soviet Army ‘liberated’ the soon to be east bloc countries and put them under Stalin’s iron fist.

The joke is that these lands later evolved to become more prosperous than Mother Russia herself despite her restraints, prompting many lower echelon Russians to move there for a better lifestyle.

Now these Russian citizens, themselves and their families well entrenched in the lands of Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Czech Republic and so on, watch their Russian brethren in Eastern Ukraine connive to drape that land in the Russian flag and wish they could pull off the same in their adopted countries.

The old Russian bear has awoken and probably won’t be easily stuffed back in his lair. It saw how easily and effectively Putin’s underhanded methods have worked in Crimea and wants so badly to see how much more it can get away with.

Another old joke is that Russia has never been able to handle the huge territory it has already dominated. It was the largest country in the world land-wise and yet its people live in a poverty that would embarrass most other industrial European nations.

Putin wants to regain the “Great Russia” he remembers from his childhood (cue playing ‘Glory Days’ by Bruce Springsteen). Now he thinks he has a way of accomplishing that. At everyone else’s expense.

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

New Study Shows the Mexican Cartel to Be “Bunch of Homos(exuals)”

New Study Shows the Mexican Cartel to Be “Bunch of Homos(exuals)”

A new study done by the Political Association of Immigration Soldiers and American Students reveals the Mexican Cartel, the same people that love to molest its house rats (no, not their children), to be having mass intercourse with one another. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, World News0 Comments

Brazil’s Economy Skyrockets in Soccer Tournament; Millions of Wallets Stolen

Brazil’s Economy Skyrockets in Soccer Tournament; Millions of Wallets Stolen

The 2014 FIFA World Cup event will be a beneficial factor that will help Brazil with its not-so-good economy, at least that’s what Hispanic skinhead, Pitbull, had to say about it.

Hispanic, cancer man later went on to gibber on how mysteriously wallets were being stolen from foreigners. After questioned if this was the work of his 370 little, Hispanic children army, domestic violence father responded by nervously chuckling and securing the closet in which one child was hanging from a rope. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, World News0 Comments

Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’

Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’

WASHINGTON—On Monday, Congress unanimously approved the Authorization for Use of Force against Unpleasant Lifeforms (AUFUL) joint resolution, effectively declaring war on what the Obama administration calls “the heebie-jeebies.”

After signing the resolution into law, the president will have full authorization to eliminate a broad, unspecified range of icky targets. Continue Reading

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Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings

Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings

Atlanta – CNN, in their never ending coverage of the missing Malaysian plane tragedy, thinks they have figured out a way to keep the story interesting, boost ratings, and possibly videotape the disappearance of one of their most beloved personalities.

Jeff Zucker, head of CNN, said that in a recent meeting with his news anchors, CNN broadcaster Anderson Cooper flippantly remarked, “Hell, if it would help ratings, I’d snorkel out there myself and probably have better luck finding that damn plane!” Continue Reading

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Shock Saudi Royal Wedding ‘She’s Definitely In My Top 5′ Says Prince

Shock Saudi Royal Wedding ‘She’s Definitely In My Top 5′ Says Prince

Crown Prince Abdul Rahman Al-Saud of Saudi Arabia whose family have not only ruled the desert kingdom for over 80 years but also give the country the first part of its name, is to marry an American Jewish pork butcher he met online at dating site e-harmony. Continue Reading

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Kim Jong-un Diagnosed w/ Breast Cancer; Citizens Forced to Cry or be Shot

Kim Jong-un Diagnosed w/ Breast Cancer; Citizens Forced to Cry or be Shot

It was early spring of 2014 when the savior of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, was enjoying his three course meal in complete tranquility, an annual source of food considered by his people.

To everyone’s surprise, later that day, it was established that their royalty and highness had been diagnosed with severe breast cancer.

Military leaders proposed for him to consider launching a nuclear warning, something to frighten enemy countries, but not really do anything else because they were “so messed up economically and ideologically”. All military leaders that agreed with the statement were later executed for treason. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

Pistorius’ Defence ‘A Shot in the Dark’

Pistorius’ Defence ‘A Shot in the Dark’

A leaked document has been revealed to the press outlining Oscar Pistorius’ proposed defence arguments in his ongoing murder trial.

The legal brief describes the three main planks to his defence designed to undermine the prosecutors case.Firstly he is to claim that he ‘just really really really needed the toilet’ and to refer to expert testimony from his five doctors that being denied the ability to urinate can lead to temporary insanity otherwise referred to as ‘yellow streak psychosis’. Continue Reading

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Malaysian Flight MH370 Survivors ‘Confirmed’

Malaysian Flight MH370 Survivors ‘Confirmed’

Kimi Ono, head of the MH370 survivors group, held a press conference today, to deny claims from the Malaysian investigation authorities that all those aboard the doomed plane were ‘obviously now dead’.

Mrs Ono began ‘I know my husband is still alive, I’ve known him for 35 years and never once have I seen him dead, not even for a minute’. Continue Reading

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Malaysian Airliner Wins Gold in 2014′s Hide and Seek Olympic Tournament

Malaysian Airliner Wins Gold in 2014′s Hide and Seek Olympic Tournament

Malaysian Airliner MH370 staff and passengers were officially declared 2014’s Hide and Seek gold champions by the International Olympics Committee this week leaving millions pissed that the team did not attempt to break the world record set by Osama Bin Laden back in 2001.

When questioned about the world record, President of the IOC, Thomas Bach, replied, “Never in my life have I seen such dedication set by a group of people such as these Malaysian folks. I have to say that pulling this off for weeks on end without help and only four people dead is a real achievement, but it wasn’t enough for them to become true hall-of-famers.” Continue Reading

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International MH370 Search Efforts To Be Unified Under “Operation Wild Goose”

International MH370 Search Efforts To Be Unified Under “Operation Wild Goose”

Responding to criticism that search efforts for the ill fated Flight 370 have been unfocused, haphazard and confusing, United Nations Secretary-General Ban-ki-moon announced today that all future efforts will be directed by one authority under the title “Operation Wild Goose”. Continue Reading

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US To Send Bullshit Detector To Malaysia

US To Send Bullshit Detector To Malaysia

In the latest effort to uncover the fate of MH370, the United States has announced it will send a state of the art Bullshit Detector to Malaysia.

“The BSD will be located adjacent to the Perdana Putra building, which houses the Office of the Prime Minister and, coincidentally, the headquarters of Malaysia Airlines,” stated a press release from the US Joint Chiefs of Staff.

“We believe the placement of this device will uncover the truth of what happened to the ill fated airliner and help bring closure to the friends and relatives of crew and passengers.”

The technical specifics and capabilities of the BSD are cloaked in secrecy, but knowledgeable sources said it includes a combination of high tech eavesdropping devices, high altitude drones, Internet and social networking hacking software and Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show”.

In related news the government of Malaysia revealed it detected low altitude radar pings that may have emanated from MH370 over Lake Tanganyika in Africa. Dozens of international airplanes and ships have broken off their search in the southern Indian Ocean and are now progressing at full speed to Tanzania.

photo credit: D.C.Atty via photopin cc

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Posted in Top Stories, World News1 Comment

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