Archive | World News

Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

John Kerry is a man of the world, but now his flip-flopping has soared astronomically, to the point where it’s on a genuinely cosmic scale.

Yes: no longer content with threatening the leaders of weak, divided countries in the Middle East with abject destruction, Kerry is turning his achingly dynamic turrets on a higher target:

Lord Xenu!

So, let’s see where we go with this one.

I guess, from one perspective, it’s perfectly true to say that Lord Xenu is an absolutely batshit loony idea dreamed up by a freaking wackjob-catastrophe failed cosmic Popeye wannabe with a fucking idiotic sailor’s hat that belongs on a rejected video-only episode of Ron Jeremy and His Cosmic Ass-Riggers! So why should we give a rat’s ass about what these ridiculous kooky-cluster-fuckers even think about us, anyway?

Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Ted Cruz has recently given stuck it to the man over our trembling, weak-kneed bending over for the nefarious forces of Big Privacy.

His Most Exalted More True-Believe-ier Than Trumpness flashily remarks:

The war on surveillance is motivated purely by an ignoble politics of envy. The fact is, the guys we have monitoring your webcams have bigger dicks than you do; I think we can just take that one as given!

So if you want to squirm and slide around, or dick around (I hardly think it!), or even just go on a full-blown blazing rampage, and create some disreputable orgy of counter-conservative kiss-ass to your enemies, then be my guest! I can take it. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Angela Merkel isn’t having such a good time right now; the not-so-Iron Chancellor’s craven capitulation to Erdogan looks like it may backfire.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/angela-merkel-s-fawning-over-erdogan-will-put-the-turkish-president-not-jan-b-hmermann-in-the-dock-a6988076.html

The article above refers to a previous precedent by the European Court of Human Rights as follows: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Top Stories, World News0 Comments

Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy!)

Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy!)

You ever wonder what your politicians get up to when your back is turned? Don’t be on edge any longer! These hard-working, rugged, men of the people always have their eye out for a new opportunity, and they never say no to an expedient and enticing opportunity for engaging more intimately with their beloved constituents and members.

***

The Wet-Dream Team: Having Great Britain’s Back and Making England Big Again!

Scameron Bliss

Foxy Liam

Major League Johnny

Gorgeous Gideon

Haguey-Bums 29 Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously   

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously  

Various centre-right and far-right nationalist parties in Israel, including Eretz Yisrael Shelanu and Yisrael Beiteinu, have decided to respond to the controversial BDS movement by coming up with a divestment project of their own.

From now on, no member of any Israeli party with pronounced nationalistic leanings is permitted to give donations to Hamas, attend Hamas fundraising events, or send their children on educational exchanges to terrorist training camps. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Alastair Campbell’s Divorce Leads to Contentious Intervention from Blair

Alastair Campbell’s Divorce Leads to Contentious Intervention from Blair

Alastair Campbell’s divorce is hardly the highlight of his recent years. In the recent divorce proceedings, his wife said:

My Alastair used to be a lovely lad. So modest, so honest, and with a heart of gold.

But ever since he started hanging around with that nasty boy from elsewhere, he began to change. After he got into bad company, Alastair started sneering at me and making catty comments.

Over time, he became ever more abrasive and dismissive, like some tinpot Peter Capaldi, or someone of that ilk. And needless to say, he kept leaving his dinner plate and half-finished cups of Earl Grey at his arse and expecting me to clear up after him, like I was his bloody lowland skivvy!

He has just become impossible to live with.

Campbell responded: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

The UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (2/2)

The UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (2/2)

STOP NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE FROM ARBITRARILY PRIVILEGING MODERN ‘SCIENCE!!!’

So-called ‘science’ doesn’t have all the answers. Anyone who tries to funnel off NHS funding from where it is need most, e.g. Solar Flamenco Chakra-Restoration Therapy, Neptunian Buzzwater Dietetics, or Lunar Oncology Meditation Surveillance and Edgy Auditing Techniques, should be held accountable to the Public, erm, the Ecological Interest.

Well, insofar as there’s a difference… which there clearly isn’t! (And most importantly of all, which there intuitively isn’t!)

After all, just like any other ecologically/cosmically inconsequential but fairly pragmatically expedient ‘right…’

Well, freedom of scientific communication does demand responsibility.

FUND ETHICALLY SERIOUS RESEARCH!!!

Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (1/2)

UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (1/2)

In fairness, the Green Party have a lot going for them.

Well, for a start, technically, they’re not exactly the BNP/SWP, are they?

(Insofar as there’s a difference!)

And again, nor do they have any links to the National Front…

I mean, they’re just a whole different frickin’ brand of Young Earth Jehovahtology. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too! (1/2)

BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too! (1/2)

The BBC, inspired and encouraged by their recent decision to rename Daesh ‘The So-called Islamic State’ (Sinister-Teutonic-Capitals ahoy!) have invented some new equally patronizing euphemisms in order to talk down to non-Muslims too.

For a start, they are referring to the ‘So-Called Worker’s Party of North Korea,’ in order to prove they have nothing against actual workers in North Korea who don’t like the Pyongyang dictatorship.

And their preconceptions regarding Taiwanese nationalists have also driven them to speak of the ‘So-called Chinese Communist Party.’ Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Television, World News0 Comments

Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

It turns out that the authoritarian Russian president, Vladimir Putin, has signed a law allowing Russia (or rather, the Russian state!) to avoid following rulings from international human rights courts…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/russia-human-rights-law_566fc6bbe4b011b83a6c7040

Making such rulings subject to the authority of the Constitutional Court of Russia.

In fairness, I’m sure the latter institution won’t be making any arbitrary decisions. I have no doubt the Russian judiciary is every bit as independent and impartial as it was under Brezhnev, or indeed some of the earlier leading lights of 20th century Russian constitutional democracy. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Conspiracy Theories  #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Conspiracy Theories #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy theory #846- Certain religious interests have sabotaged a vital industry that is as close to us as our skins- the condom manufacturers. Uniting under a belief that any sort of sexual union is for the purpose of producing babies only, these fanatics have infiltrated condom factories throughout the world with the intent of degrading their product. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (2/2)

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (2/2)

I really don’t know what they found more offensive; a cartoon of their prophet, or people standing around, dancing and singing and loving and having fun?

So, there’s your dilemma. If Charlie Hebdo brought it on themselves by unnecessarily ‘causing offence,’ then you will have to condemn the innocent people going out and enjoying freedom of expression, freedom of love, and freedom of fun. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (1/2)

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (1/2)

After the massacre at Charlie Hebdo, the magazine’s defenders were ridiculed as being ‘freedom of speech fundamentalists.’ The ‘semi-non-apologists’ of Coulibaly assumed the usual attitude:

Sure, it’s NOT THAT GREAT to kill someone merely for being a cartoonist… but… OMG, just look at that cartoon! I find that SO offensive!

Now, silence from the conspicuously enlightened Huggy-Downglance Brigade.

No-one dares to speak out, and blame the unnecessary offence and grievance the concert-goers in Paris caused to anyone (not least the ‘wrong kind of liberal’) who believes ‘freedom of speech demands accountability.’ Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Putin & ISIS: Tyranny’s Latest Flamboyant Supergroup

Putin & ISIS: Tyranny’s Latest Flamboyant Supergroup

Universally beloved plastic pop enterprise X Factor has finally lost its shine.

Yup! No-one ever believed this classic of early 21st century manufactured inanity would ever end up being discredited by a flamboyant and sexually doubting, um, sexually dubious former KGB Lenin lookalike…

But such is life!

Or as Louis Walsh would no doubt belt out in his cups:

‘C’est la Vie!’

Still, the hidden hand of the music industry has guided the nation of Russia to unanticipated progress; all by means of mere individual self-interest!

Yes, just see this storming (not to say stormtrooping!) video of Russia’s most swishiest Elton John admirer for proof: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Music, World News0 Comments

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (2/2)

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (2/2)

Don’t underestimate notable ‘quiet man’ Iain Duncan Smith.

I mean, he was critical of Blair’s achingly well-meaning intervention in Afghanistan, so the Tories are obviously nicer than New Labour!

The proof is in the pudding, after all. By their fruits you shall know them…

But enough of the trite cliches. I daresay this is not so much about flamboyant rhetoric.

As a compassionate conservative, I simply cannot just sit there, and see the dysgenic community in such evident distress.

And as I have so often heard from our sickly, effete, well-meaning but ineffective and sentimentally bleeding-heart leftie opponents and enemies: ‘The first principle: Do no harm.’ Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (1/2)

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (1/2)

Iain Duncan Smith has recently shed some Blair tears over disabled people in the UK.

However, believe it or not, most disabled people have been so arrogant and ungrateful as to repudiate his compassionate conservatism!

You know, for too long, the dysgenic community in the UK has been neglected by our government.

Let us never forget that in addition to perfectly normal, non-disabled people, there are also some Untermenschen among us, and this is simply too important to ignore.

No, it is absolutely unacceptable that we should merely leave the dysgenic community and its various individual integral synthetic components alone. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Page 1 of 2012345...1020...Last »
Glossy News Podcast



(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

1 post


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial