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Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 2)

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 2)

1 And just as [they] seek to divide humanity in hate, so we have to unify it around an idea.

2. When he decides, he divides.

3. In the life of nations, what in the last resort decides questions is a kind of Judgment Court of God.

4. If freedom is short of weapons, we must compensate with willpower.

5. That’s the art of leadership. To make sure that what shouldn’t happen, doesn’t happen. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 1)

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 1)

1 I feel the hand of history upon our shoulders.

2 I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker.

3 This is a sort of free democratic spirit that operates outside the convention of democracy that elections decide the government.

4 Democracy will in practice lead to the destruction of a people’s true values.

5 Today’s media, more than ever before, hunts in a pack. In these modes it is like a feral beast, just tearing people and reputations to bits. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

MRA Becomes Militant Dawah Activist

MRA Becomes Militant Dawah Activist

This is a new, previously unseen story, which I am publishing here in order to celebrate the release of The Great Flâneur Massacre. The latter satirical novella is being re-released on Amazon as part of The Great  Flâneur Narrative on May 31!

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Rob Schiller, the whingeing tenure-cadging graduate of Wallace Runnymede’s The Great Flaneur Narrative, has started to intellectualize in a rather disturbing manner.

Indeed. Disappointed at the fact that no-one has given him a post at a university, this achingly under-appreciated lad with a crushing sense of entitlement has combined his hipster ethos with a sprinkling of jihadist rhetoric.

Schiller was already hostile to feminism, which latter he has always regarded as a maliciously counterfeit social justice movement designed purely to rob hard-working young white straight males of their rightful vocational entitlements.

So, the step to becoming a misogynist jihadist wasn’t too difficult for him to make. But what does the UK’s latest hipster jihadist actually think about the world he lives in?

Schiller wails:

Islam was so very, very wonderful better in the old days before it went electric. Technology is merely a tool of Satan & corrupt & decadent music bosses, and that makes me so, so sad! ;(

I am just SICK of people only listening to the parts of the Quran that talk about peace & love. There’s much better stuff out there…

Still, it’s too much to expect the likes of you probably wouldn’t understand that! You people really hurt my feelings so, so much! ;(

I remember when Islam was really EDGYYY, but after the first few Caliphs they sold out! I am just so oppressed… ;(

I knew the Prophet’s teachings before they went MAINSTREEEAAAM! But nowadays, I am just REALLY, REALLY TIRED of all these Hanafis, Malikis & Shias jumping on the bandwagon! It just makes me want to cry ;(

However, after being waterboarded, getting a few good hard knocks on the good old Salafi-salami, and finally getting let out with a fashionable magnetic wristband, on condition of good behaviour, Rob has finally changed his tune.

 You know, I really used to love making hipster jokes before it went MAAAIIINSTREEEAAAM. But now everyone’s doing it, I don’t feel the same overweening pride in my edgy wit! ;((((((

Even so, Rob is now just as much a pariah as he ever was. From former MRA moderate male misogynist to former moderate political Islamist jihadist… now isn’t he a charming lad!

Still, having said that, he isn’t a REAAALLY, REAAALLY NICE GUY! But then, in fairness, most MRAs & jihadists aren’t.

That’s probably why, by now, most Muslims and most men just won’t have anything to do with him.

Nor indeed will pretty much anyone, really!

Well, perhaps there’s a lesson in there somewhere…

***

Watch out for an update tomorrow on The Great Flaneur Narrative! 

***

Article abridged from:

http://satirecatastrophes.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/this-is-new-previously-unseen-story.html

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Radical Marxist Ideologue IDS Threatens to Smash the ‘Bourgeois Treasury’

Radical Marxist Ideologue IDS Threatens to Smash the ‘Bourgeois Treasury’

Radical moderate-political-Tory-ist and overgrown Trotskyite hooligan Iain Duncan Smith has finally rediscovered his radical roots. Frustrated with the petit-bourgeois false consciousness of the ideologically conditioned intellectuals (i.e. recent graduates!) in the civil service, he has threatened to smash, uh, ‘break up’ the Treasury.
ITS (Irritable Tankie Syndrome) now rants:

The Treasury is full of recent university graduates who are not ‘Red,’ but merely expert! They are utterly lacking in vision, and apply a mere mainstream establishment bourgeois liberal mindset to the grand schemes I have always dreamed of putting into practice! We must smash the Treasury and destroy every last vestige of evil bourgeois ideology in our country!

Note: If you think this is satire, you may just be disappointed. Read the account given in The Guardian, which is almost identical with this!
http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/may/12/break-up-the-treasury-says-iain-duncan-smith
What do you think ITS should do? Put your answer below… or at least be so good as to furnish some rather more radical far-leftie scientific insights than the tedious mainstream establishment claptrap I have posted here for one’s perusal!

Send in the tanks
Call in the Bullingdon Club
Inform the Piers Gaviston Society
Cry down the phone to Angela Merkel
Stamp my feet until I am sick
Stamp my feet until I am sick and I no longer have any money to feed myself, which would probably be some pretty hot-damn sweet fuckin’ karma TBH
All o’ t’ above, like

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

John Kerry is a man of the world, but now his flip-flopping has soared astronomically, to the point where it’s on a genuinely cosmic scale.

Yes: no longer content with threatening the leaders of weak, divided countries in the Middle East with abject destruction, Kerry is turning his achingly dynamic turrets on a higher target:

Lord Xenu!

So, let’s see where we go with this one.

I guess, from one perspective, it’s perfectly true to say that Lord Xenu is an absolutely batshit loony idea dreamed up by a freaking wackjob-catastrophe failed cosmic Popeye wannabe with a fucking idiotic sailor’s hat that belongs on a rejected video-only episode of Ron Jeremy and His Cosmic Ass-Riggers! So why should we give a rat’s ass about what these ridiculous kooky-cluster-fuckers even think about us, anyway?

Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Ted Cruz has recently given stuck it to the man over our trembling, weak-kneed bending over for the nefarious forces of Big Privacy.

His Most Exalted More True-Believe-ier Than Trumpness flashily remarks:

The war on surveillance is motivated purely by an ignoble politics of envy. The fact is, the guys we have monitoring your webcams have bigger dicks than you do; I think we can just take that one as given!

So if you want to squirm and slide around, or dick around (I hardly think it!), or even just go on a full-blown blazing rampage, and create some disreputable orgy of counter-conservative kiss-ass to your enemies, then be my guest! I can take it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Angela Merkel isn’t having such a good time right now; the not-so-Iron Chancellor’s craven capitulation to Erdogan looks like it may backfire.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/angela-merkel-s-fawning-over-erdogan-will-put-the-turkish-president-not-jan-b-hmermann-in-the-dock-a6988076.html

The article above refers to a previous precedent by the European Court of Human Rights as follows: Continue Reading

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Posted in Top Stories, World News0 Comments

Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy!)

Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy!)

You ever wonder what your politicians get up to when your back is turned? Don’t be on edge any longer! These hard-working, rugged, men of the people always have their eye out for a new opportunity, and they never say no to an expedient and enticing opportunity for engaging more intimately with their beloved constituents and members.

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The Wet-Dream Team: Having Great Britain’s Back and Making England Big Again!

Scameron Bliss

Foxy Liam

Major League Johnny

Gorgeous Gideon

Haguey-Bums 29 Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously   

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously  

Various centre-right and far-right nationalist parties in Israel, including Eretz Yisrael Shelanu and Yisrael Beiteinu, have decided to respond to the controversial BDS movement by coming up with a divestment project of their own.

From now on, no member of any Israeli party with pronounced nationalistic leanings is permitted to give donations to Hamas, attend Hamas fundraising events, or send their children on educational exchanges to terrorist training camps. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Alastair Campbell’s Divorce Leads to Contentious Intervention from Blair

Alastair Campbell’s Divorce Leads to Contentious Intervention from Blair

Alastair Campbell’s divorce is hardly the highlight of his recent years. In the recent divorce proceedings, his wife said:

My Alastair used to be a lovely lad. So modest, so honest, and with a heart of gold.

But ever since he started hanging around with that nasty boy from elsewhere, he began to change. After he got into bad company, Alastair started sneering at me and making catty comments.

Over time, he became ever more abrasive and dismissive, like some tinpot Peter Capaldi, or someone of that ilk. And needless to say, he kept leaving his dinner plate and half-finished cups of Earl Grey at his arse and expecting me to clear up after him, like I was his bloody lowland skivvy!

He has just become impossible to live with.

Campbell responded: Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

The UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (2/2)

The UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (2/2)

STOP NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE FROM ARBITRARILY PRIVILEGING MODERN ‘SCIENCE!!!’

So-called ‘science’ doesn’t have all the answers. Anyone who tries to funnel off NHS funding from where it is need most, e.g. Solar Flamenco Chakra-Restoration Therapy, Neptunian Buzzwater Dietetics, or Lunar Oncology Meditation Surveillance and Edgy Auditing Techniques, should be held accountable to the Public, erm, the Ecological Interest.

Well, insofar as there’s a difference… which there clearly isn’t! (And most importantly of all, which there intuitively isn’t!)

After all, just like any other ecologically/cosmically inconsequential but fairly pragmatically expedient ‘right…’

Well, freedom of scientific communication does demand responsibility.

FUND ETHICALLY SERIOUS RESEARCH!!!

Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (1/2)

UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (1/2)

In fairness, the Green Party have a lot going for them.

Well, for a start, technically, they’re not exactly the BNP/SWP, are they?

(Insofar as there’s a difference!)

And again, nor do they have any links to the National Front…

I mean, they’re just a whole different frickin’ brand of Young Earth Jehovahtology. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too! (1/2)

BBC Try to Stop Offending Islamic State… & All the Other Ones Too! (1/2)

The BBC, inspired and encouraged by their recent decision to rename Daesh ‘The So-called Islamic State’ (Sinister-Teutonic-Capitals ahoy!) have invented some new equally patronizing euphemisms in order to talk down to non-Muslims too.

For a start, they are referring to the ‘So-Called Worker’s Party of North Korea,’ in order to prove they have nothing against actual workers in North Korea who don’t like the Pyongyang dictatorship.

And their preconceptions regarding Taiwanese nationalists have also driven them to speak of the ‘So-called Chinese Communist Party.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Television, World News0 Comments

Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

It turns out that the authoritarian Russian president, Vladimir Putin, has signed a law allowing Russia (or rather, the Russian state!) to avoid following rulings from international human rights courts…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/russia-human-rights-law_566fc6bbe4b011b83a6c7040

Making such rulings subject to the authority of the Constitutional Court of Russia.

In fairness, I’m sure the latter institution won’t be making any arbitrary decisions. I have no doubt the Russian judiciary is every bit as independent and impartial as it was under Brezhnev, or indeed some of the earlier leading lights of 20th century Russian constitutional democracy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Conspiracy Theories  #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Conspiracy Theories #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy theory #846- Certain religious interests have sabotaged a vital industry that is as close to us as our skins- the condom manufacturers. Uniting under a belief that any sort of sexual union is for the purpose of producing babies only, these fanatics have infiltrated condom factories throughout the world with the intent of degrading their product. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (2/2)

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (2/2)

I really don’t know what they found more offensive; a cartoon of their prophet, or people standing around, dancing and singing and loving and having fun?

So, there’s your dilemma. If Charlie Hebdo brought it on themselves by unnecessarily ‘causing offence,’ then you will have to condemn the innocent people going out and enjoying freedom of expression, freedom of love, and freedom of fun. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

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