Archive | World News

President Trump Trashes Oval Office

President Trump Trashes Oval Office

White House sources have confirmed that President Trump has caused considerable damage to the Oval Office.

‘He turned over tables,’ reported one source, ‘upended chairs, ripped curtaining and threw paintings out of smashed windows onto the White House lawn.’

‘He was beside himself with fury about the judgement of the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals,’ said one aide, ‘in which three judges unanimously refused to block the Seattle court ruling that halted the president’s ban on US entry by citizens from seven, mainly Muslim, countries.’

During his rampage, the president was reported to have screamed: ‘I’m the goddam president. I can eat all the ice cream I like; have friends for sleepovers when I want; stay up late; look at whatever I want on the Internet; demonise any group of people I don’t like, and do anything else I damn well please. I can, I can, I can, I can!!!’

‘He was inconsolable for many hours,’ added Doris Hoover, the cleaner employed to keep the Oval Office tidy. ‘When he’d stopped stamping his feet and banging on the walls, he just sat down on the floor and cried. I was real cross with him at first as it’s gonna take me ages to get the room right again. I then felt sorry for the poor little fellow, sat down beside him and gave him a cuddle. He told me between sobs that it was all sooo unfair. He couldn’t understand why “so called God” had let “so called judges” in “so called courts” be so horrid to him.’

Greta Mindstein, a leading US psychologist, has pointed out that, although alarming, this behaviour is characteristic of a normal developmental phase. ‘Usually, however,’ Ms Mindstein explained to reporters, ‘this stage tends to have passed by the age of five or six – and certainly long before a person is eligible to become president of the United States. It’s an effect of what Freud called “infantile narcissism”‘ she clarified, ‘and derives from the greatly exaggerated sense of self-importance that many very young children develop from their natural tendency to see themselves as the centre of their universe.

‘Rational grown-ups placing boundaries on such behaviour,’ Ms Mindstein continued, ‘is part of a learning process. In the case of the president, the recent constraint on his behaviour – and others that will inevitably occur in the near future – should ultimately be internalised as he progresses towards emotional maturity.’

A senior presidential advisor has confirmed that the president has begun to feel a lot more cheerful as time has passed since the Appeal Court ruling, and is looking forward to going to the park to play baseball with his friends and then having his favourite burgers for supper.

Share

Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

From Blair Effect to Cameron? How Long Before Dave Starts Making Helpful Public ‘Interventions?’

From Blair Effect to Cameron? How Long Before Dave Starts Making Helpful Public ‘Interventions?’

One of the most hilarious things on Twitter is the apparently non-satirical interventions Tony Blair makes in public life.

But it turns out brave Dave hasn’t exactly retired to have a wank in his yacht either! Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Internets Tubes, World News0 Comments

Tony Blair Book Dilemma

Tony Blair Book Dilemma

It’s really hard to know what section of the bookstore the Tony Blair autobiography belongs to.

Should we put it in:

The fiction section?

No, I guess that would be giving him a little too much credit!

True crime?
Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics, Top Stories, World News0 Comments

Brief Intro to ISIS

Brief Intro to ISIS

ISIS, or the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, is a group of radical fundamentalist anti-Western Islamists who believe that Muslims must follow strict Sharia law and forsake cultural perversions such as capitalistic greed and social liberty. A very moralistic lot, ISIS believes that human beings should be guided by a strict and literal reading of the Koran – which is to say, what they interpret it to mean. The highest calling is jihad, to do Allah’s work on earth, for which a soldier will be rewarded in heaven. Making the ultimate sacrifice of his life will yield the greatest reward. Just as in Christianity, whatever happens on this planet is relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Eternity lasts forever, while life on earth is transitory. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

Not Funny! Another Tasteless Joke About Syria (It Doesn’t Taste of Bitter Orange Though!)

Not Funny! Another Tasteless Joke About Syria (It Doesn’t Taste of Bitter Orange Though!)

What’s the difference between moderate Syrian choppers and an impotent autocrat? Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Richard Dawkins to Open a Sustainable Fish and Chip Shop

Richard Dawkins to Open a Sustainable Fish and Chip Shop

OXFORD, ENGLAND – Richard Dawkins, professor emeritus and former chair of public understanding of science at Oxford University has announced plans to open a new fish and chip shop that aims to serve up a sustainable catch. Professor Dawkins explained:

Cod has been on the Marine Conversation Society’s endangered stocks list for many years now.
But, despite all of the evidence, traditional fish and chip shops have continued to ignore these warnings.
Those who believe we can simply continue to consume cod at our current rates are under a severe delusion!

Professor Dawkins continued:

However, at my fish and chip shop, we are proud to say that there is no cod.

Professor Dawkins rose to fame in the fishing industry in 1976 with the release of his book “The Shellfish Gene.” He further cemented his reputation as one of the sharkest thinkers in marine biology with his 1998 bestselling book “Unweaving the Rainbow Trout.”

However, he has been in the public eye most recently for his sharp criticism of religion. Alongside Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Daniel Dennett, Dawkins is referred to as one of the “four seahorses of the apocalypse.”

Professor Dawkins’s shop has come under attack from Christian groups. Stephen Green from Christian Voice accused the shop of failing to provide a sustainable alternative. Green explained:

It would be much more efficient for Dawkins to buy two loaves of bread and a few fish, and then divide them up until everybody had some.

 

Share

Posted in Science, World News0 Comments

George Osborne Facing Possible Death Sentence in Indonesia for Cocaine Offenses

George Osborne Facing Possible Death Sentence in Indonesia for Cocaine Offenses

Former UK Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne (formerly known as Gideon Osborne) has recently been arrested for drug possession and trafficking offenses in Indonesia.

Indonesia, like many countries in Southeast and Northeast Asia, has very stringent laws on narcotics.

And a number of British citizens have fallen afoul of these drug laws in recent years; finding themselves confined for decades to the depressing squalour of grotesque mass prisons.

Some have even been executed.

And confidential sources now tell us Osborne himself is likely to meet the same fate. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one source close to the Indonesian government tells Glossy News: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, Top Stories, World News0 Comments

Syrian Intel Identify UK Gov, Tony Blair Charity as ‘Violent Extremists’

Syrian Intel Identify UK Gov, Tony Blair Charity as ‘Violent Extremists’

Syrian is currently in the middle of a fairly brutal and bloody civil war.

And yet, Syrian intelligence have still managed to find the time to pompously moralize and point the finger at some of the innumerable vicious and dangerous out-for-blood extremists and fanatics who, they claim, are trying to subvert and ultimately destroy their country.

A recent Wikileak from the Damascus authorities contains the following indictment of some rather familiar faces: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Tony Blair Orders French Citizens not to Vote for Marine Le Pen

Tony Blair Orders French Citizens not to Vote for Marine Le Pen

Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is appalled at the recent EU referendum decision in the UK; as well as his failed attempts to prevent Corbyn becoming, and indeed remaining, Labour leader.
A rather flustered press conference has given him an opportunity to say where people in the UK are going wrong:

Now listen. Some there be who’d say our track record on successful interventions is rather far from shoddy by any means!
I mean, let’s look at it like this, there isn’t any real need for me to talk in detail…
About how we peacefully liberated the whole of Iraq, assisted with David Cameron’s dethroning of Gaddafi, and held the self-styled Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s feet to the fire by calling for ground troops against Daesh.
But our intervention in the EU referendum seems to have taken a peculiar turn. Not one person can ever say with a clear conscience that our intervention in Iraq, under our premiership, did half as much harm as reactionary pacifists are claiming about us.
And we simply have no conception of why our instructions to vote against Jeremy Corbyn were so poorly received. What could possibly account for this? If you don’t want to listen to us now, you ought not to have voted for us in the first place. Look at all we have done for you. We personally have liberated the Middle East, stopped the Serbians from committing genocide, oh and don’t forget Sierra Leone.
Well? What more could a socially conscious British citizen POSSIBLY want from us, in terms of public policy?! Oh and there were a few little things like the minimum wage and social housing too; they may not be of quite such critical and earthshattering importance, but we suppose they have their place.
There is simply no accounting for it at all. Nothing could be more unexpected and shocking that we, I mean we personally, y’know, could instruct the British people on where they were going wrong, and they should just plough on ahead and defy our will!
We mean, such unprecedented and inexplicable arrogance, spite and hubris is simply beyond all comprehension!
Still, never mind, eh? We am, er, we are, going to instruct the French not to vote for Marine Le Pen.
Now, we am quite sure that will just work a treat!

http://satiricalindustrialcomplex.blogspot.com/2017/02/blair-appalled-his-recent.html

Share

Posted in Top Stories, World News0 Comments

How Vicente Fox Won the Cold War

How Vicente Fox Won the Cold War

Nobody else can drop these #fucken #apostrophes like a boss! Let’s give it up for big Vic!

(By the way, if you don’t believe me, look him up on Youtube. This is a really classy guy! Love his flow).

***

Hey Jo, you know, we not havin your fucken missiles next door to our country. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in World News0 Comments

Republication of Mein Kampf Hate Tract Isn’t a Disaster… The Original Publication was a Disaster!

Republication of Mein Kampf Hate Tract Isn’t a Disaster… The Original Publication was a Disaster!

Not long ago I made a comment below a certain article about the republication of Mein Kampf in Germany:

It runs as follows (slightly edited): Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Serious Commentary, World News0 Comments

Trudeau Eulogies: The Fun NEVER Ends!

Trudeau Eulogies: The Fun NEVER Ends!

TRUDEAU  ADOLF HITLER EULOGY

Adolf Hitler did many things that we, as 21st century, progressive, tolerant, metropolitan Canadians, find difficult to accept.

But Hitler did stand firm against the Red Army, preventing them from swamping Europe and perpetrating the hideous mass atrocities and crimes against Humanity they committed elsewhere, on the other side of the world, in Russia, or thereabouts.

TRUDEAU BENITO MUSSOLINI EULOGY

Continue Reading

Share

Posted in World News0 Comments

Hot Out of the Oven – New Donald Trump Memes!

Donald Trump Memes Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Internets Tubes, World News0 Comments

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Last time:

TRUMP: The Jews! Incredible. The Jews control Israel. Unbelievable. Believe me, this is yuuuge.

JAKE TAPPER: OK, I’m buying it. But what about some of our more sceptical viewers out there? What’s your message for them?

The story continues:

TRUMP: The Jews control Israel! But you’re not allowed to talk about it! Donald…

Trump…

Is the only

President… Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Rambunctious Orange Lives Matter Civil Activist and Pitiful Nazicon Stooge Donald Trump has recently delivered another hate-ridden tirade. After his edgy pre-election comments on ‘Latino rapists’ and ‘banning Muslims,’ Jake Tapper’s recent interview shows the Donald propagating a bizarre anti-Semitic conspiracy theory.

TAPPER: Mr Trump, do you actually believe the Jews control Israel? Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Raping in the Name of: Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire Leaves Potential Sex Offenders Shaking Their Dicks!!!

Not so long ago, I spoke about my not so intimate encounter with the Hyde Park Trots in Leeds, Yorkshire. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Charlie Hebdo Reading List (2/2)

http://glossynews.com/society/religion/201501100332/khomeinisexuality-meet-irans-radical-love-cleric-part-169-jizz-be-upon-him/

Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Internets Tubes, World News0 Comments

Page 1 of 2312345...1020...Last »
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Check This Out!

ca-dress.com shop dresses online

Recommended Sportsbook MyBookie.ag

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial