Archive | World News

Red Ken Is Actually Trans-Jewish (2/2)

Red Ken Is Actually Trans-Jewish (2/2)

So, is Red Ken actually trans-Jewish after all? Let’s see what me old China has to say.

Eh! Tell yer what lad, that’s well nice!

Eh! Ah think Ah could actually be a trans-Jewish meself, cos, yer know, know what Ah mean, me ‘as ad a nice WELL GOOD bagel the other day in the Islington EcoVedanta Smoothie Cafe, it went down a fahcking treat, did that!

Sometimes yer old Ken feel me be just an old Jewish lad trapped in a White-Anglo-Saxon-Socialist body.

Ah feel oppressed! Ah feel aggrieved! Ah feel mainstream media don’t care JACK SHITE about me, lad!

Hm. A bagel? Stereotypin’ much, me old son?

Eh! Eh! Eh!

Shaht it, just you shaht it now, yer flamin’ toerag! Ah fahcking hate you and your Zionist comrades in the shill media!

All lies! Lies! Lies! Lies! Bahrsterd, flaming, Zioliberal shill media lies!

NUS Supreme leader Malia Bouattia does us the courtesy of educating us ominously as follows:

You know what? I actually think Red Ken was a moderate.

Yes, we all need to get beyond this conciliatory bullshit like peaceful protest, peaceful boycotts…

And peaceful, non-violence-ridden and otherwise theoretically and practically meaningless Trans-Jewish identity politics.

And by ‘we,’ I mean me.

Well, just in case there should be any doubt on this matter!

I mean, it wouldn’t surprise. You fucking plebs are all thick as shit!  I don’t even know why I bother TBH.

#Hashtag #ProletarianEducationBlitzkrieg101

Still, nobody gives a rat’s arse what she thinks anyway, because the NUS are full of shit!

Eh! Eh! Ah blahddy lahve the NUS, Ah do! Don’t be so blahddy detrimental, lad! Eh? Eh?

URGH!

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Red Ken Is Actually Trans-Jewish (1/2)

Red Ken Is Actually Trans-Jewish (1/2)

Good ol’ Red Ken recently lost his shit here at Glossy News over media accusations of antisemitism.

He has also said ‘Technically lad, I might be a Jew meself, eh? Know what Ah mean, mate?!’

Is Ken really Jewish?

Nigel Farage comments:

Well, it does seem that this excuse really is destined to join the hallowed ranks of:

‘Some of my best customers are Jewish!’

‘I ain’t racist, I really love Bob Dylan, and er, who’s the other lad; Benjamin FAHCKING Britten?! Eh! Eh! Phwoar! Blumming NICE ONE, mate!’

And of course, dear old Tarquin Binnett’s:

‘Fiddlesticks! Welllllll, dear me, old chap! Why, I don’t have an antisemitic bone in my body, and dearest Tarquin is very far from being an antisemite, mate!

I mean, it’s not YOU personally… Why, it’s merely all the OTHER filthy, dirty, moneygrubbing, thieving kike scoundrels!’

Notable white celebrity and The-Chancer-Commonly-Known-As-Rachel-Dolezal adds:

I feel his pain. You know, maybe this guy is trans-racial, just like me?

You know what, I am sick of the lack of recognition our trans-Jewish community are suffering in our world today. Why the hell  is the government not funding more support groups and humanities research in this area?

Hm. Maybe because there are only one or two tran-Jewish people in the whole frickin’ world?! …

If that?!

You know, this kind of privileged, arrogant, cis-goyim attitude is precisely the problem with our politics today.

And I actually think one or two oppressed trans-Jewish people is one or two billion too many; don’t you?

I’ll say!

Still, I had come back to Ken for the answers; because as notable post-Thatcherite Piers Gaveston Scameron hath quoth:

If you want a question about nothing, ask a worthless pleb on Question Time! But if you want an answer to everything, ask Ken Livingstone!

Join us next time.

 

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

The UK Will Never Leave Europe: But Will We Have the Courage to Leave the EU?

The UK Will Never Leave Europe: But Will We Have the Courage to Leave the EU?

Behind the distortions and exaggerations of both sides, one fact remains unshakable:

Europe is not the EU.

A ‘stay’ vote in tomorrow’s referendum is not a vote to remain in Europe.

A ‘leave’ vote in tomorrow’s referendum is not a vote to leave Europe.

No matter how the vote goes, I can safely say to our friends in Europe, as an Anglo-Irish citizen of the UK and child of Europe:

We are not going anywhere!

We will only ever be a quick flight or sail away.

And to everyone in the UK I say, anyone who is unsure about how to vote, or who is struggling to decide whether their vote is even worth it or not:

Forget the fluff. Bin the trash and the propaganda by both sides, and cut straight to the heart of the matter.

Do you want to be a Little Europer?

There’s always Remain!

Or do you want to be both part of Europe, and part of a bigger world?

There’s always Leave!

How you vote, of course, really isn’t any of my business.

But it would be a shame if a lot of people were in two minds, and stayed at home anyway.

I can only speak for myself.

Not for the UK. Not for Europe. And no more can I speak for Glossy News!

But be brave!

Don’t you ever think one vote means nothing.

 

Share

Posted in Serious Commentary, World News0 Comments

Ken ‘Red Ken’ Livingstone Loses His Shit over ‘Jewish Media’ Lies

Ken ‘Red Ken’ Livingstone Loses His Shit over ‘Jewish Media’ Lies

Genial wheeler-dealer, establishment radical politico wide boy/white boy and notable non-racist not-quite-Marxist-but-kinda-getting-there-a-little-bit-vulgar-Corbynite-tankie-lad Ken Livingstone…

Is currently being interrogated by Labour for his recent antisemitic comments.

http://blogs.spectator.co.uk/2016/06/ken-livingstone-faces-music-home-affairs-select-committee/

Here’s Ken ‘Cheeky Chappie’ Livingstone’s latest Del-Boyishly-winsome Youtube rant:

OY! Listen ‘ere, yer FAHCKING MAHPPET! Ah ain’t got no time for this here sneaky Tory bollocks, innit! Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Top Stories, World News0 Comments

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 2)

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 2)

1 And just as [they] seek to divide humanity in hate, so we have to unify it around an idea.

2. When he decides, he divides.

3. In the life of nations, what in the last resort decides questions is a kind of Judgment Court of God.

4. If freedom is short of weapons, we must compensate with willpower.

5. That’s the art of leadership. To make sure that what shouldn’t happen, doesn’t happen.

6. I want war. To me all means will be right.

7. Nobody is oppressing you. Your sense of grievance isn’t justified.

8. Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.

9. In this day and age if you’ve got the technology then it’s vital to use that technology to track people down. The number on the database should be the maximum number you can get.

And finally…

10. Our people have never been more united than today.

Answers

Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 1)

Charismatic Leader Quiz: Who Said It? Hitler or Tony Blair? (Part 1)

1 I feel the hand of history upon our shoulders.

2 I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker.

3 This is a sort of free democratic spirit that operates outside the convention of democracy that elections decide the government.

4 Democracy will in practice lead to the destruction of a people’s true values.

5 Today’s media, more than ever before, hunts in a pack. In these modes it is like a feral beast, just tearing people and reputations to bits.

6 Let this great man search his own heart and conscience before he accuses anyone of being a warmonger.

7 But believe one thing, if nothing else. I did what I thought was right for our country.

8 Once the whole nation again pursued a great ideal, once it was prepared to stake everything for this ideal, the hour would come when the Lord would declare our trials at an end.

9 I use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few.

And finally…

10 [Our country]… are special. The world knows it. In our innermost thoughts we know it. This is the greatest nation on earth.

Answers

Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

MRA Becomes Militant Dawah Activist

MRA Becomes Militant Dawah Activist

This is a new, previously unseen story, which I am publishing here in order to celebrate the release of The Great Flâneur Massacre. The latter satirical novella is being re-released on Amazon as part of The Great  Flâneur Narrative on May 31!

***

Rob Schiller, the whingeing tenure-cadging graduate of Wallace Runnymede’s The Great Flaneur Narrative, has started to intellectualize in a rather disturbing manner.

Indeed. Disappointed at the fact that no-one has given him a post at a university, this achingly under-appreciated lad with a crushing sense of entitlement has combined his hipster ethos with a sprinkling of jihadist rhetoric.

Schiller was already hostile to feminism, which latter he has always regarded as a maliciously counterfeit social justice movement designed purely to rob hard-working young white straight males of their rightful vocational entitlements.

So, the step to becoming a misogynist jihadist wasn’t too difficult for him to make. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Radical Marxist Ideologue IDS Threatens to Smash the ‘Bourgeois Treasury’

Radical Marxist Ideologue IDS Threatens to Smash the ‘Bourgeois Treasury’

Radical moderate-political-Tory-ist and overgrown Trotskyite hooligan Iain Duncan Smith has finally rediscovered his radical roots. Frustrated with the petit-bourgeois false consciousness of the ideologically conditioned intellectuals (i.e. recent graduates!) in the civil service, he has threatened to smash, uh, ‘break up’ the Treasury. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

John Kerry is a man of the world, but now his flip-flopping has soared astronomically, to the point where it’s on a genuinely cosmic scale.

Yes: no longer content with threatening the leaders of weak, divided countries in the Middle East with abject destruction, Kerry is turning his achingly dynamic turrets on a higher target:

Lord Xenu!

So, let’s see where we go with this one. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya!’

Ted Cruz has recently given stuck it to the man over our trembling, weak-kneed bending over for the nefarious forces of Big Privacy.

His Most Exalted More True-Believe-ier Than Trumpness flashily remarks:

The war on surveillance is motivated purely by an ignoble politics of envy. The fact is, the guys we have monitoring your webcams have bigger dicks than you do; I think we can just take that one as given!

So if you want to squirm and slide around, or dick around (I hardly think it!), or even just go on a full-blown blazing rampage, and create some disreputable orgy of counter-conservative kiss-ass to your enemies, then be my guest! I can take it. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Angela Merkel isn’t having such a good time right now; the not-so-Iron Chancellor’s craven capitulation to Erdogan looks like it may backfire.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/angela-merkel-s-fawning-over-erdogan-will-put-the-turkish-president-not-jan-b-hmermann-in-the-dock-a6988076.html

The article above refers to a previous precedent by the European Court of Human Rights as follows: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Top Stories, World News0 Comments

Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy!)

Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy!)

You ever wonder what your politicians get up to when your back is turned? Don’t be on edge any longer! These hard-working, rugged, men of the people always have their eye out for a new opportunity, and they never say no to an expedient and enticing opportunity for engaging more intimately with their beloved constituents and members.

***

The Wet-Dream Team: Having Great Britain’s Back and Making England Big Again!

Scameron Bliss

Foxy Liam

Major League Johnny

Gorgeous Gideon

Haguey-Bums 29 Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously   

Israeli Nationalist/Hamas Mutual Divestment Plan Goes Surprisingly Harmoniously  

Various centre-right and far-right nationalist parties in Israel, including Eretz Yisrael Shelanu and Yisrael Beiteinu, have decided to respond to the controversial BDS movement by coming up with a divestment project of their own.

From now on, no member of any Israeli party with pronounced nationalistic leanings is permitted to give donations to Hamas, attend Hamas fundraising events, or send their children on educational exchanges to terrorist training camps. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Alastair Campbell’s Divorce Leads to Contentious Intervention from Blair

Alastair Campbell’s Divorce Leads to Contentious Intervention from Blair

Alastair Campbell’s divorce is hardly the highlight of his recent years. In the recent divorce proceedings, his wife said:

My Alastair used to be a lovely lad. So modest, so honest, and with a heart of gold.

But ever since he started hanging around with that nasty boy from elsewhere, he began to change. After he got into bad company, Alastair started sneering at me and making catty comments.

Over time, he became ever more abrasive and dismissive, like some tinpot Peter Capaldi, or someone of that ilk. And needless to say, he kept leaving his dinner plate and half-finished cups of Earl Grey at his arse and expecting me to clear up after him, like I was his bloody lowland skivvy!

He has just become impossible to live with.

Campbell responded: Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

The UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (2/2)

The UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (2/2)

STOP NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE FROM ARBITRARILY PRIVILEGING MODERN ‘SCIENCE!!!’

So-called ‘science’ doesn’t have all the answers. Anyone who tries to funnel off NHS funding from where it is need most, e.g. Solar Flamenco Chakra-Restoration Therapy, Neptunian Buzzwater Dietetics, or Lunar Oncology Meditation Surveillance and Edgy Auditing Techniques, should be held accountable to the Public, erm, the Ecological Interest.

Well, insofar as there’s a difference… which there clearly isn’t! (And most importantly of all, which there intuitively isn’t!)

After all, just like any other ecologically/cosmically inconsequential but fairly pragmatically expedient ‘right…’

Well, freedom of scientific communication does demand responsibility.

FUND ETHICALLY SERIOUS RESEARCH!!!

Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (1/2)

UK’s Green Party: They’re no BNP, Put it that Way! (1/2)

In fairness, the Green Party have a lot going for them.

Well, for a start, technically, they’re not exactly the BNP/SWP, are they?

(Insofar as there’s a difference!)

And again, nor do they have any links to the National Front…

I mean, they’re just a whole different frickin’ brand of Young Earth Jehovahtology. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Page 1 of 2112345...1020...Last »
Glossy News Podcast



(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial