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President Trump Trashes Oval Office

President Trump Trashes Oval Office

White House sources have confirmed that President Trump has caused considerable damage to the Oval Office.

‘He turned over tables,’ reported one source, ‘upended chairs, ripped curtaining and threw paintings out of smashed windows onto the White House lawn.’

‘He was beside himself with fury about the judgement of the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals,’ said one aide, ‘in which three judges unanimously refused to block the Seattle court ruling that halted the president’s ban on US entry by citizens from seven, mainly Muslim, countries.’

During his rampage, the president was reported to have screamed: ‘I’m the goddam president. I can eat all the ice cream I like; have friends for sleepovers when I want; stay up late; look at whatever I want on the Internet; demonise any group of people I don’t like, and do anything else I damn well please. I can, I can, I can, I can!!!’

‘He was inconsolable for many hours,’ added Doris Hoover, the cleaner employed to keep the Oval Office tidy. ‘When he’d stopped stamping his feet and banging on the walls, he just sat down on the floor and cried. I was real cross with him at first as it’s gonna take me ages to get the room right again. I then felt sorry for the poor little fellow, sat down beside him and gave him a cuddle. He told me between sobs that it was all sooo unfair. He couldn’t understand why “so called God” had let “so called judges” in “so called courts” be so horrid to him.’

Greta Mindstein, a leading US psychologist, has pointed out that, although alarming, this behaviour is characteristic of a normal developmental phase. ‘Usually, however,’ Ms Mindstein explained to reporters, ‘this stage tends to have passed by the age of five or six – and certainly long before a person is eligible to become president of the United States. It’s an effect of what Freud called “infantile narcissism”‘ she clarified, ‘and derives from the greatly exaggerated sense of self-importance that many very young children develop from their natural tendency to see themselves as the centre of their universe.

‘Rational grown-ups placing boundaries on such behaviour,’ Ms Mindstein continued, ‘is part of a learning process. In the case of the president, the recent constraint on his behaviour – and others that will inevitably occur in the near future – should ultimately be internalised as he progresses towards emotional maturity.’

A senior presidential advisor has confirmed that the president has begun to feel a lot more cheerful as time has passed since the Appeal Court ruling, and is looking forward to going to the park to play baseball with his friends and then having his favourite burgers for supper.

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Tony Blair Orders French Citizens not to Vote for Marine Le Pen

Tony Blair Orders French Citizens not to Vote for Marine Le Pen

Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is appalled at the recent EU referendum decision in the UK; as well as his failed attempts to prevent Corbyn becoming, and indeed remaining, as Labour leader.
A rather flustered press conference has given him an opportunity to say where people in the UK are going wrong:

Now listen. Some there be who’d say our track record on successful interventions is rather far from shoddy by any means!
I mean, let’s look at it like this, there isn’t any real need for me to talk in detail about how we peacefully liberated the whole of Iraq, assisted with David Cameron’s dethroning of Gaddafi, and held the self-styled Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s feet to the fire by calling for ground troops against Daesh.
But our intervention in the EU referendum seems to have taken a peculiar turn. Not one person can ever say with a clear conscience that our intervention in Iraq, under our premiership, did half as much harm as reactionary pacifists are claiming about us.
And we simply have no conception of why our instructions to vote against Jeremy Corbyn were so poorly received. What could possibly account for this? If you don’t want to listen to us now, you ought not to have voted for us in the first place. Look at all we have done for you. We personally have liberated the Middle East, stopped the Serbians from committing genocide, oh and don’t forget Sierra Leone.
Well? What more could a socially conscious British citizen POSSIBLY want from us, in terms of public policy?! Oh and there were a few little things like the minimum wage and social housing too; they may not be of quite such critical and earthshattering importance, but we suppose they have their place.
There is simply no accounting for it at all. Nothing could be more unexpected and shocking that we, I mean we personally, y’know, could instruct the British people on where they were going wrong, and they should just plough on ahead and defy our will!
We mean, such unprecedented and inexplicable arrogance, spite and hubris is simply beyond all comprehension!
Still, never mind, eh? We am, er, we are, going to instruct the French not to vote for Marine Le Pen.
Now, we am quite sure that will just work a treat!

http://satiricalindustrialcomplex.blogspot.com/2017/02/blair-appalled-his-recent.html

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How Vicente Fox Won the Cold War

How Vicente Fox Won the Cold War

Nobody else can drop these #fucken #apostrophes like a boss! Let’s give it up for big Vic!

(By the way, if you don’t believe me, look him up on Youtube. This is a really classy guy! Love his flow).

***

Hey Jo, you know, we not havin your fucken missiles next door to our country. Continue Reading

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Republication of Mein Kampf Hate Tract Isn’t a Disaster… The Original Publication was a Disaster!

Republication of Mein Kampf Hate Tract Isn’t a Disaster… The Original Publication was a Disaster!

Not long ago I made a comment below a certain article about the republication of Mein Kampf in Germany:

It runs as follows (slightly edited): Continue Reading

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Trudeau Eulogies: The Fun NEVER Ends!

Trudeau Eulogies: The Fun NEVER Ends!

TRUDEAU  ADOLF HITLER EULOGY

Adolf Hitler did many things that we, as 21st century, progressive, tolerant, metropolitan Canadians, find difficult to accept.

But Hitler did stand firm against the Red Army, preventing them from swamping Europe and perpetrating the hideous mass atrocities and crimes against Humanity they committed elsewhere, on the other side of the world, in Russia, or thereabouts.

TRUDEAU BENITO MUSSOLINI EULOGY

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Hot Out of the Oven – New Donald Trump Memes!

Donald Trump Memes Continue Reading

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Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Last time:

TRUMP: The Jews! Incredible. The Jews control Israel. Unbelievable. Believe me, this is yuuuge.

JAKE TAPPER: OK, I’m buying it. But what about some of our more sceptical viewers out there? What’s your message for them?

The story continues:

TRUMP: The Jews control Israel! But you’re not allowed to talk about it! Donald…

Trump…

Is the only

President… Continue Reading

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Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Rambunctious Orange Lives Matter Civil Activist and Pitiful Nazicon Stooge Donald Trump has recently delivered another hate-ridden tirade. After his edgy pre-election comments on ‘Latino rapists’ and ‘banning Muslims,’ Jake Tapper’s recent interview shows the Donald propagating a bizarre anti-Semitic conspiracy theory.

TAPPER: Mr Trump, do you actually believe the Jews control Israel? Continue Reading

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Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Raping in the Name of: Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire Leaves Potential Sex Offenders Shaking Their Dicks!!!

Not so long ago, I spoke about my not so intimate encounter with the Hyde Park Trots in Leeds, Yorkshire. Continue Reading

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Charlie Hebdo Reading List (2/2)

http://glossynews.com/society/religion/201501100332/khomeinisexuality-meet-irans-radical-love-cleric-part-169-jizz-be-upon-him/

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Charlie Hebdo Reading List (1/2)

Charlie Hebdo Reading List (1/2)

In part one of this Charlie Hebdo commemoration editorial, I said:

After the Charlie Hebdo Massacre in January 2014, Glossy News published many Hebdo-related pieces; and even later on, as well! Some of the material was commentary; but we also had our usual funny ‘fake news’ stories, and various other humorous material. See list at the end of part 2 of today’s anniversary editorial on Charlie Hebdo.

I now provide you the list I mentioned. The list may well not be exhaustive; but if by any chance, I have missed anything out, I trust readers and writers will forgive me. Continue Reading

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Glossy News Classics V. Wallace Runnymede’s Charlie Hebdo Essay (1/2)

Glossy News Classics V. Wallace Runnymede’s Charlie Hebdo Essay (1/2)

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

Charlie Hebdo occurred for me when I had not  been long in the business of satire writing.

I grew defiant; the greater the fear, the greater the perversity and stubbornness.

This essay is a lot longer than our usual fake news humor or opinion pieces; it’s pretty much a long-form piece.

However, I hope you still take the time to read it, as it may be of interest to some of you.

The essay also appears in the first volume of my free ebook series of satire compilations, Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes: https://books2read.com/u/m0vyVb

***

Dedicated to the unforgettable and shining martyrs of Charlie Hebdo and Hyper Cacher. Continue Reading

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The Paris Tragedies

The Paris Tragedies

Note from Wallace:

This essay from Appleseed Ike appeared very early in the history of the Neocon Surveillance site, and the Peace Criminals Project more generally.

These meditations are particularly poignant in light of further terrorist tragedies and atrocities in recent times, including Berlin.

Thank you, Ike! Continue Reading

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U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

WASHINGTON – In response to the growing epidemic of “fake news,” President Obama today announced the creation of a new department of the federal government, the Ministry of Truth.

“As a Constitutional scholar, I can assure you that the Founding Fathers of our nation never intended the sacred First Amendment rights of freedom of speech and freedom of the press to apply to websites peddling ‘fake news’. The Founding Fathers well understood the importance of controlling the political narrative,” stated Obama.

“Let me be clear: ‘fake news’ is an enormous problem. So we need a war on fake news like never before. We will work closely with the more established and reliable media companies, including social media, to stamp out the threat that so many independent voices poses to our democracy.” Continue Reading

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12 Exciting 2017 News Snippets You DEFINITELY Won’t Have Seen Yet! (Or Believed…) (2/2)

12 Exciting 2017 News Snippets You DEFINITELY Won’t Have Seen Yet! (Or Believed…) (2/2)

Jess Phillips Stabs Jeremy Corbyn in the Front! Like, LITERALLY, duuuuuuuuuude! Phillips Outraged at Subsequent Wildly Disproportionate Twitter Harassment

Moderate Khameine-ite Ayatollah Legitimizes Reverse Chickengirl Position for Some Edgier Farmyard Fun

Alex Jones Joins Washington Post, Furnishes Numerous Useful Insights on Russian Hacking Allegations Continue Reading

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12 Exciting 2017 News Snippets You DEFINITELY Won’t Have Seen Yet! (Or Believed…) (1/2)   

12 Exciting 2017 News Snippets You DEFINITELY Won’t Have Seen Yet! (Or Believed…) (1/2)  

Cameron, Blagojevich, & Clinton Crime Family to Forge New Career Pathways on ‘Celebrity Corruption Island.’

French Democracy Doomed: Tony Blair ‘Helpfully Advises’ French not to Vote for Marine Le Pen

California Colleges Ban Ice Cream Vans for Triggering Lactose Intolerant Community

North Korean Translation of Libertarian Classic ‘Atlas Shrugged’ is Really Rather More Revisionist than You Might ah Funked it! Continue Reading

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NASTY Politician Memes

NASTY Politician Memes

War in Yemen, William Hague, Dick Cheney, Samantha Power, Obama…

Gotta love these guys! Continue Reading

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