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President Trump Trashes Oval Office

President Trump Trashes Oval Office

White House sources have confirmed that President Trump has caused considerable damage to the Oval Office.

‘He turned over tables,’ reported one source, ‘upended chairs, ripped curtaining and threw paintings out of smashed windows onto the White House lawn.’

‘He was beside himself with fury about the judgement of the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals,’ said one aide, ‘in which three judges unanimously refused to block the Seattle court ruling that halted the president’s ban on US entry by citizens from seven, mainly Muslim, countries.’

During his rampage, the president was reported to have screamed: ‘I’m the goddam president. I can eat all the ice cream I like; have friends for sleepovers when I want; stay up late; look at whatever I want on the Internet; demonise any group of people I don’t like, and do anything else I damn well please. I can, I can, I can, I can!!!’

‘He was inconsolable for many hours,’ added Doris Hoover, the cleaner employed to keep the Oval Office tidy. ‘When he’d stopped stamping his feet and banging on the walls, he just sat down on the floor and cried. I was real cross with him at first as it’s gonna take me ages to get the room right again. I then felt sorry for the poor little fellow, sat down beside him and gave him a cuddle. He told me between sobs that it was all sooo unfair. He couldn’t understand why “so called God” had let “so called judges” in “so called courts” be so horrid to him.’

Greta Mindstein, a leading US psychologist, has pointed out that, although alarming, this behaviour is characteristic of a normal developmental phase. ‘Usually, however,’ Ms Mindstein explained to reporters, ‘this stage tends to have passed by the age of five or six – and certainly long before a person is eligible to become president of the United States. It’s an effect of what Freud called “infantile narcissism”‘ she clarified, ‘and derives from the greatly exaggerated sense of self-importance that many very young children develop from their natural tendency to see themselves as the centre of their universe.

‘Rational grown-ups placing boundaries on such behaviour,’ Ms Mindstein continued, ‘is part of a learning process. In the case of the president, the recent constraint on his behaviour – and others that will inevitably occur in the near future – should ultimately be internalised as he progresses towards emotional maturity.’

A senior presidential advisor has confirmed that the president has begun to feel a lot more cheerful as time has passed since the Appeal Court ruling, and is looking forward to going to the park to play baseball with his friends and then having his favourite burgers for supper.

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Donald Trump Blames ‘Divisive Alt-Left Troublemakers’ for Nazi Atrocities

Donald Trump Blames ‘Divisive Alt-Left Troublemakers’ for Nazi Atrocities

Hot on the heels of his recent condemnation of the Alt-Left’s perceived role in Charlottesville, crossed-dressed statues and (via Comrade Saruman) the great Minas Tirith massacre in Tolkien’s equally imaginary fantasy fairyland of Gondor…

The Donald is now playing a time-traveling role.

This time, he has advocated a less divisive and partisan stance on the atrocities committed by Nazi soldiers in World War II, as well as the unspeakable horror of the gas chambers. Continue Reading

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Blair Bombshell: “Tories Ignored my Warning Not to Intervene in Libya”

Blair Bombshell: “Tories Ignored my Warning Not to Intervene in Libya”

Former Prime Minister and most hated man in Britain Tony Blair has recently dropped a devastating bombshell that is sure to restore his flagging reputation beyond all measure. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Answers to the Macron/Mussolini Quiz: Could You Tell the Difference?

Answers to the Macron/Mussolini Quiz: Could You Tell the Difference?

Hope you enjoyed the quiz!

Answers: Continue Reading

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Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 4/4)

Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 4/4)

And here’s the final part! The answers appear in five minutes.

If you found it funny (or just downright disturbing), feel free to share and tell your friends!

24. I have a vision of my country, and I cannot sit and watch things pass by. Continue Reading

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Sacked Stonehenge Tour Guide Fool Takes Employer to Court

Sacked Stonehenge Tour Guide Fool Takes Employer to Court

Stonehenge tour guide buffoon Charles ‘Rocky’ Stone has taken his employer to court for unfair dismissal.
Stone 56, was fired for misleading tourists with ill-informed facts and research. Stone commented:
Continue Reading

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Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 2/4)

Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 2/4)

Hope you’re enjoying the new quiz!

How many did you get right last time??? Continue Reading

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Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 1/4)

Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 1/4)

The Garcon-Wonder Emmanuel Macron is facing some stiff challenges in times to come.

Not least, the somewhat superficially sinister character of some of his pronouncements.

Can you work out which quotes are from Macron, and which are from Mussolini? Continue Reading

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Macron & Mussolini: Spot the Difference (4-Day Quiz Fest)

Macron & Mussolini: Spot the Difference (4-Day Quiz Fest)

Every day until Thursday, there’ll be a new instalment in our latest “Who Said it First?” quiz series.

Previously, it was Tony Blair and Hitler. Continue Reading

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G20 Anarchist Rioters Denounce Merkel’s ‘SS-Style Hooliganism’

G20 Anarchist Rioters Denounce Merkel’s ‘SS-Style Hooliganism’

The Hamburg G20 has been met with the usual riots and hooliganistic behavior from sexually-frustrated undergraduates and straight white upper-class Black Bloc pseudo-intellectuals.

However, the recent reclaiming of the city by 15 000 police officers has led to serious criticisms.

One protestor told us: Continue Reading

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Bristol Palin Converts to Islam, Promotes Chastity Agenda for Iran

Bristol Palin Converts to Islam, Promotes Chastity Agenda for Iran

After her Bristolgate scandals of a few years back, the crisis-hit daughter of Sarah Palin has decided to turn over a new leaf.

Sick of the hypocrisy of conservative evangelicals, she has decided to convert to Islam instead. Continue Reading

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‘Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitist’ Theresa May Slammed by Rival Gang of Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitists

‘Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitist’ Theresa May Slammed by Rival Gang of Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitists

Theresa May’s Brexit negotiations have just hit a sour note with accusations by a gang of undemocratic, over-privileged elitists that May and her party are a gang of undemocratic, over-privileged elitists. Continue Reading

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Disillusioned European ISIS Recruits Post List of Demands: Doesn’t End Well

Disillusioned European ISIS Recruits Post List of Demands: Doesn’t End Well

European ISIS recruits have experienced a bit of a culture shock recently.

Jolly jihadis all over Europe have had difficulty acclimatizing to the rather austere conditions; so a recent list of grievances has been sent to the currently headless leadership of the Islamic State.

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