Archive | Sports Scandals

Witnesses Spot Roger Goodell Fleeing Stadium With #12 Jersey

Witnesses Spot Roger Goodell Fleeing Stadium With #12 Jersey

When the confetti finally settled in Houston’s NRG Stadium Sunday night, Patriots quarterback and Super Bowl LI MVP noted something was amiss.

It seemed in the excitement, an unknown perpetrator made off with a sweat stained, body odor drenched, torn up, and oversized tee-shirt bearing the number 12. Continue Reading

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Delaware Man Masters Martial Arts, using only Initial Free Lessons

Delaware Man Masters Martial Arts, using only Initial Free Lessons

Dateline: NEW JERSEY—A man from Delaware earned the equivalent of a black belt in Taekwondo, Karate, Jiu-jitsu and several other martial arts, by exploiting the free initial first lesson offered by hundreds of martial arts schools across North America.
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Posted in Human Interest, Sports, Sports Scandals1 Comment

Tom Brady’s Cheekbones Now Undeniably the Greatest in NFL History

Tom Brady’s Cheekbones Now Undeniably the Greatest in NFL History

In a stunning comeback that saw records set for the most Super Bowl wins by a quarterback, most passing yards in a Super Bowl, most times as Super Bowl MVP, most catches from a single receiver in the Super Bowl, biggest point deficit recovery, the first Super Bowl overtime, and the most combined firsts and mosts in a Super Bowl…

The New England Patriots once again found themselves at the top of the NFL heap, cementing Tom Brady’s Adonis-like cheekbones as the greatest in football history. Continue Reading

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Rio 2016 Olympic Opening Ceremony Exposes Non-existent Countries

Rio 2016 Olympic Opening Ceremony Exposes Non-existent Countries

The international community is trying to come to terms with the shock revelation that some countries with which other nations have links simply do not exist.

Two hundred and seven countries were represented at the opening ceremony of Rio 2016, and it is now clear that at least eight had been invented. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Events, Sports Scandals0 Comments

Andy Tate & Louis Van Gaal Respond to Latest Glazer Improvements of Man United

Andy Tate & Louis Van Gaal Respond to Latest Glazer Improvements of Man United

Last time, we told yer all about t’ Glazer family’s shoddy attempts t’ finally sort out United and make ’em all ‘bright, clean & nice-looking guys.’ But ‘ow has this news been received, eh?

Andy Tate rants:

Avram Glazer, yer are a priiiiiize nob! Ya got the business on a flamin’ technicality, all because ah a bloody legend ‘oo as told yer the rest o’ us wooden pay nah mind if yer went on ahead and roooooined us club. Well let me tell ya this, Av…
The name’s Avram Glazer, well Ah’ve ad enough bad treatment rammed down my throat wi’ all yer stupid, stupid business games, yer flamin’ spermburpin’ dingalows!

Louis Van Gaal is less bothered:

I just can’t see what all the fuss is about. I mean, they’re only fans, after all. They should just stop being so arrogant, and thinking it’s all about them!

Anyway, I’m more worried about how much longer we can keep up outclassing Norwich City. This massive purple patch might just be unsustainable. And Even Eric Black is starting to get a bit cocky when he’s trolling me on Twitter. Let me try and get our priorities right!

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Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Glazers & Manchester United: A Proper Free Market Corporation at Last

Glazers & Manchester United: A Proper Free Market Corporation at Last

Notable across-the-pond sporting enterpreneurs ‘The Glazer lads, PLC.’ have recently decided that the old-fashioned European way of doing football just isn’t financially viable for such a serious enterpreneurial concern as Manchester United Soccer, uh, Whatever Club.

So, they have now renamed their most lucrative business concern yet as the ‘Glazer Family and Co. Manchester, England United-and-Incorporated European Soccer Entertainment Corporation.’ Or just GFACMEUAIESEC for short. (ish). Continue Reading

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Harry Redknapp’s Resounding Victory over Twitter Trolls

Harry Redknapp’s Resounding Victory over Twitter Trolls

Former rugby legend Bucky Guinstella has begun his long march out of the sporting wilderness, and has embarked upon a new literary career as a Twitter troll.

However, the joke seems to be on him, and he is not having much success.

Maybe he’s just an unrecognised genius?

Well, time will tell. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Blair, Berlusconi Salute Blatter’s Character and Integrity

Blair, Berlusconi Salute Blatter’s Character and Integrity

The recent revival of the Sepp Blatter affair http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/33303066

has led two of the former FIFA President’s most faithful allies business partners supporters to pay tribute..

To this leading light of international gamesmanship…

Uh, ‘sport.’

Tony Blair said:

People are criticizing Blatter now, but as I always say, ‘it’s not over ‘til it’s over.’ Just let History be the judge. Continue Reading

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FIFA Joins Forces with ISIS: “It’s a Perfect Match”

FIFA Joins Forces with ISIS: “It’s a Perfect Match”

FIFA president Sepp Blatter insists that he’s not using a fake name, but he also swears his sworn alliance to ISIS is likewise legitimate.

FIFA and ISIS. One is a ruthless, soulless dictatorship that destroys everything in its path and the other is an Islamic terrorist organization. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Scandals, War Zone2 Comments

With Tom Brady Suspension Looming, Patriots Introduce New QB

With Tom Brady Suspension Looming, Patriots Introduce New QB

Foxborough, Massachusetts – Only hours after the NFL suspended two-time MVP quarterback, Tom Brady, for the first four games of the 2015 season, New England Patriots owner, Robert Kraft and head coach, Bill Belichick, announced the signing of the player taking Brady’s place for the first month of the season. Continue Reading

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Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

If there are two things Kentucky is famous for, and there is not, it’s Fried Chicken and the annual horse race watched, it is believed, by spectators.

But once again the specter of steroids in sports has reared it’s ugly head and stomped it’s hoof twice for “yes”.

Long shot filly Knobs At Hand is unlikely to win, but his trainer Big Dave Galaga is not about to leave anything to chance. Continue Reading

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Tom Brady: “My Balls Were Deflated”

Tom Brady: “My Balls Were Deflated”

Milford, Connecticut – After weeks of controversy against Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots for whether they intentionally let air out of game balls, Tom Brady finally stepped forward in an interview on the Dan Patrick Show last night and stated “Yes, my balls were deflated,” during Patrick’s famous Truth or Fair segment.

According to Brady, the New England Patriots staff started deflating his balls prior to each game to make them easier for the team’s running backs to hold onto and for receivers to catch. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals0 Comments

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