Archive | Sports Scandals

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings

Saturday night NASCAR icon Tony Stewart single-handedly quadrupled NASCAR’s slumping television ratings when he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr in a Sprint Car race at Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York.

Ward, 20, had been run into the wall by Stewart the lap before, wrecking his #13 Sprint car and in a jealous rage, Ward confronted Stewart’s car on foot, wagging a very intimidating finger at the former NASCAR champion.

One car swerved to avoid the irate driver but Stewart didn’t miss his target, striking the 20-year-old and dragging him several feet to his death. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Billy Beane in attempted trade for Trout: “F*** it”

Billy Beane in attempted trade for Trout: “F*** it”

ANAHEIM – This morning, general manager Billy Beane of the Oakland Athletics attempted the trade of a lifetime.

Jerry Dipoto, GM of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, tells source that Beane contacted him in the early hours of the morning with an offer he “couldn’t refuse.”

Beane called the Dipoto home around 4am and told the former pitcher “F*** it. I’m ready.” He then allegedly tried to offer up the entire 2014 Oakland Athletics roster in exchange for Angels marquee player, Mike Trout. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Breaking: Genealogy Site Proves Link Between Suarez and Dr. Lecter

Breaking: Genealogy Site Proves Link Between Suarez and Dr. Lecter

In a recent shocking turn of events the well-known genealogy site Ancestry.com has reported that they have uncovered an indisputable link between Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez and Dr. Hannibal Lecter, a man previously thought to be a fictional cannibal.

“Initially we thought we had bitten off more than we could chew,” commented Ancestry.com CEO Tim Sullivan. “We weren’t looking to sink our teeth into something this newsworthy but in the end it’s a discovery we’re excited to have made.” Continue Reading

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Duck Dynasty’s Robertson Slams Gay Footballer Michael Sam

Duck Dynasty’s Robertson Slams Gay Footballer Michael Sam

There were plenty of tears flowing when Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player, was drafted Saturday afternoon in the 7th round by the St. Louis Rams.

RIGHT: Phil Robertson and his latest duck call. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com.

Some were tears of joy for Sam historically breaking the rainbow colored ceiling and achieving diversity in a macho sport like football, but some were tears of sorrow for the direction even the NFL is taking in an era of inclusiveness and acceptance of the LGBT community. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Religionism, Sports Scandals0 Comments

CNN’s Anderson Cooper Interviews Donald Sterling

CNN’s Anderson Cooper Interviews Donald Sterling

In his first public statements and media interview, Anderson Cooper sits down with LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling.

Cooper – So Mr. Sterling, what do you think happened to Flight 370?

Sterling – When I listen to that tape, I don’t even know how I can say words like that. … I don’t know why the girl had me say those things. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals1 Comment

Dallas Cowboy’s Fans Unite to Pray for Racist Remarks From Jerry Jones

Dallas Cowboy’s Fans Unite to Pray for Racist Remarks From Jerry Jones

Dallas – In light of the lifetime ban placed upon Donald Sterling, owner of the LA Clippers, after his recent racist remarks, fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team have come together in prayer hoping their sorry-ass owner, Jerry Jones, will open his big mouth and say something that will get him banned for life too.

“This may be just the loophole we’ve been hoping for all these years!” an excited Tom Laundry exclaimed. “If that idiot could just be caught on tape one time saying something stupid we could finally rid ourselves of his massive ego and move forward as a team.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Scandals3 Comments

N.B.A. Furious Over Sterling’s Comments

N.B.A. Furious Over Sterling’s Comments

Los Angeles, California – Three days after a recording emerged of Clippers Owner, Donald Sterling making racist comments set off a fury of angry reactions from past and current NBA players, an extended recording has been released involving a new victim, the breadstick.

The original recording was of Sterling talking to his girlfriend, professional model, V. Stiviano, regarding an Instagram photo she took with former NBA star, Magic Johnson. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals2 Comments

Donald Sterling Banned For Life From Every Organization With Initials

Donald Sterling Banned For Life From Every Organization With Initials

Chicago – Not only has embattled owner of the LA Clippers basketball team, Donald Sterling, been banned for life from the NBA for his racist remarks, but virtually every other organization in America that is widely known by their initials have banned him as well.

The NFL, MLB, UPS, IBM, NHL, all four of the main television networks, KFC, TCBY, the BBC, ESPN, HBO, BMW, JVC, RCA, QVC, WWE and many others have vowed to never do business with the billionaire asshole ever again. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Scandals10 Comments

Clippers Owner Donald Sterling To Sell Team

Clippers Owner Donald Sterling To Sell Team

At a press conference in Los Angeles this morning, Donald Sterling’s wife Roachelle claimed the NBA team would be sold in a matter of days.

Sterling, 67, who changed his name from Tokowitz so his unique brand of bigotry and racism would seem more ethnically ambiguous, has been embroiled in an intense controversy over apparent recorded racist comments he made to his 24 year old paid escort, arm candy and wannabee model, V. Stiviano. Sterling didn’t approve of her posting pictures on the internet of herself with black men or bringing Magic Johnson to Clippers games.

According to the recording, Sterling had no problem with V associating with black men or even sleeping with them, but the posting of pics and being seen publicly within 100 yards of Sterling made him the butt of jokes among others of Sterling’s “culture”.

At the press conference Roachelle Sterling said “It’s apparent the NBA, fans, people of certain mixed mud colors, anti-semites and jew haters do not want Donald in basketball, so we will be going somewhere where we’ll be appreciated.”

In other sports news Redskins owner Dan Snyder issued a press release midday indicating he was selling his team to an unnamed Los Angeles buyer in a IRS approved, 1031 exchange.

Both sales were approved by NBA and NFL owners along strictly religious and ethnic lines.

In related notes the Israeli parliament has approved designating Ethiopian immigrants of dubious hebrew heritage as 3/5ths real Jew.

photo credit: Tim Noakes via photopin cc

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals, Top Stories0 Comments

Donovan McNabb Cardboard Cutout Eludes Police!

Donovan McNabb Cardboard Cutout Eludes Police!

Mesa, Arizona – Only days after the real Donovan McNabb was detained by local police enforcement, a six-foot cardboard cutout of the former NFL star continues to evade even the most physically fit officers.

“I’ve never seen him move so well,” said Officer Eugene Hall after chasing the cutout for several feet before hunching over to catch his breath.

“It’s hard to believe he never won a Super Bowl!” Added Hall, now lying on his back, struggling to remain conscious. Continue Reading

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Aaron Hernandez Murder Weapon Found!

Aaron Hernandez Murder Weapon Found!

Gainesville, Florida – Following the surprise release of a photo showing former New England Patriots tight end, Aaron Hernandez holding a BS-47 assault rifle, local police released a statement Wednesday that they have located the weapon used to kill Odin Lloyd on the night of June 17th.

“Mr. Hernandez had a brilliant plan that fooled investigators for months,” said Police Chief, Carl Slowind, who was credited with finding the weapon. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Sports Scandals3 Comments

Danica Patrick Accuses NASCAR Drivers of Misogyny

Danica Patrick Accuses NASCAR Drivers of Misogyny

NASCAR driver Danica Patrick charged other drivers with sexism and misogyny after being bumped in Sundays Daytona 500 causing her to crash into the outer wall and ending her race.

“There’s only one woman at Daytona today and who gets driven off the track? Connect the dots and do the math.” Patrick added “Well, I can’t do the math but I’m sure one of you men out there can help me with that.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals2 Comments

Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley

Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley

PYONGYANG, N. KOREA – Dennis Rodman is alive and, at present, sober after being found face down in a small mud puddle in an alleyway adjacent to the Pyongyang stadium where he sang “Happy Birthday” to N. Korean leader Kim Jong Un on Wednesday.

Sources close to Rodman claim the washed up basketball player drank heavily the night of his birthday tribute. Rodman found out the hard way that in North Korea, if you drink heavily, you are on your own, regardless of whether or not you resemble Marilyn Monroe in any way. Continue Reading

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DOJ Investigates DOJ, DOJ Clears DOJ in DOJ Review

DOJ Investigates DOJ, DOJ Clears DOJ in DOJ Review

After information has come to light regarding Chief Justice Eric Holder’s seizure of months of AP phone records and targeting of journalists such as James Rosen and David Sanger, Mr. Holder must now answer…to himself.

Upon reading about the entire ordeal in his morning paper, the president has initiated an immediate and just response: namely, a thorough and penetrating investigation of DOJ policies and actions toward journalists. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Sports Scandals1 Comment

Breaking: Washington Will Ditch Offensive Redskin Mascot for 2013-14 NFL Season

Breaking: Washington Will Ditch Offensive Redskin Mascot for 2013-14 NFL Season

Landover, Maryland: In a decision reached last week by franchise owner Dan Snyder, The Washington Redskins will kick off the 2013-2014 season with a new name and mascot.

The official date for the name change is July 25, the same day Redskin’s summer training camp begins. Players reporting to camp will be issued jerseys displaying the new mascot, the Predator Drone.

The decision to abandon the Redskin, an image that has been a part of D.C. history since the team was founded in 1937, came after team owner Dan Snyder finally caved to pressure from Native American and left-wing activists. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals5 Comments

Google Search For ‘Oscar Pistorius Murder Trial’ Evolves Into ‘Reeva Steenkamp Topless’

Google Search For ‘Oscar Pistorius Murder Trial’ Evolves Into ‘Reeva Steenkamp Topless’

INDIANAPOLIS – During a routine navigation of the internet Friday, a local man’s Google search for the keywords “Oscar Pistorius murder trial” evolved over the course of 7 minutes into “Reeva Steenkamp Topless.”

Initially looking to gain up-to-the-minute news on the murder trial of South Africa’s famed special Olympian, Indianapolis man James Kinsella subconsciously clicked a related article about Pistorius’ late girlfriend Miss Steenkamp – who the athlete is accused of murdering. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Sports Scandals2 Comments

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