Tag Archive | "election day 2012"

NEWS FLASH! America Votes to End Democracy, Become Dictatorship


GlossyNews.com – Nov. 7, 2012- An astonishing, unexpected, unbelievable and catastrophic end has come to the long Presidential election in the United States today.

An overwhelming number of Americans in the write in section of the ballot expressed that they wanted their country to become a dictatorship so that they would never have to deal with the aggravation, the backstabbing, the never ending advertisements, the constant putdowns, the partisan fighting and the immense waste of money that happened during the 2012 campaign. Read the full story

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Sorry To Inform You, But This Whole Election Has Been a Scam


GlossyNews.com – My fellow Americans- I wish to prepare you for a great and unbelievable shock.

At least for most of you. Some have already realized what is happening.

Please sit down. This will be hard to take. Read the full story

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Rampant Mourning: Obama Conspires with Hurricane to Steal Election


In what has been the most polarizing campaign since our nation was torn apart by Pepsi’s shocking defeat of Coke in the Pepsi Challenge of 1975, it appears that thanks to an ingenious last-minute October Surprise maneuver, President Obama has stolen the 2012 presidential election, defeating America’s (and God’s) preferred candidate, Mitt Romney. Read the full story

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US Vote Entire Gov. Out of Office; Celebrations Ring Through Streets


American Voters Take Inspiration From Belgium and Get Rid of Their Government.

GlossyNews.com – American voters, sick of months of a rabid and bilious Presidential campaign, today on voting day made a decisive choice of getting rid of their government altogether on the write-in section of their ballots.

Scribbling in a ‘No More Government’ vote, they have essentially erased the Federal government from the books and from their lives. Read the full story

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Honey Boo Boo Weeps on Live TV When Obama Loss Announced


GlossyNews.comHog Jaw, GA – Not since her child beauty pageant loss in Vicksburg to 6-year-old Playdo model Mae Belle Glutz has reality TV star Honey Boo Boo cried so hard as to drop her fried chicken drumstick.

So far, the Tots and Tiara Queenette has bawled non-stop, and refuses to eat, taking only an occasional sip of Red Bull or Mountain Dew. The cause of her emotional breakdown? The stunning re-election loss of Barack Obama prematurely reported by CNN. Read the full story

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Ruh Ro! Romney Concedes Florida Let the Dogs Out


GlossyNews.com – TALLAHASSEE — Mitt Romney conceded Florida early election night, roof-racked by a story he could not shake.

Animal activists nationwide hounded Romney the length of the campaign for strapping Seamus, the family dog to the roof of the car during a 12-hour trip to Canada… or Arizona, wherever it was he went. Read the full story

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Empty Chair Posts Strong Showing In Early Voting


GlossyNews.com – This election year has seen a surge in early voting as more and more states allow for this convenient option, while others have restricted the hell out of it.

Both the Obama and Romney camps had hoped that early voting would give them an edge. Much to everyone’s surprise, however, exit polls show that the early leader in pre-election balloting is the empty chair from the Republican National Convention. Read the full story

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Maryland Overwhelming Approves Gay Marriage, Mauve


GlossyNews.com – In sharp contrast to the first 32 state amendments barring marriage between two loving adults who happen to share the commonality of penis or vagina, Maryland tonight approved Question 6 allowing marriage equality to become law in the state.

The final vote count was 73% in favor, 20% opposed, and the remaining attributed to confusion with the translation of the question into Spanish. The Spanish question read “Do you approve happy Man-women to bell grande loco?”. Read the full story

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Undecided Ohio Voter Literally Chooses Winner


GlossyNews.com – Undecided voter Harold Merman of Niblock, Ohio has finally made his choice for this year’s presidential election. It should come as no surprise; he’s choosing the winner.

That’s right; whoever finishes first on November 6th has Mr. Merman’s full and unwavering support.

“Experience has taught me that it is always best to get behind a winner,” said Merman. “And that’s exactly what I intend to do. In short, I endorse the winner.” Read the full story

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Evangelicals Just Say (Hell) No to Romney


GlossyNews.com – WASHINGTON, DC — Destruction wrought by Hurricane Sandy finds evangelicals staying home rather than casting a vote for Mitt Romney, Virgil Goode or Mickey Mouse.

The “Lord’s Will” movement initially organized to support evangelical voters in religious despair over casting a vote for a candidate with a propensity towards lying while holding steadfast to the basic value that honesty is a virtue; The Romney Doctrine. Read the full story

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Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President


GlossyNews.com – DIXVILLE NOTCH — It’s midnight in Dixville Notch, ten registered voters, one minute to vote, it’s dark, cold and everyone wore a Mackinaw, though few would tell us what exactly that is.

By 12:05 a.m., the 2012 Presidential race is officially a wicked pissah.

All ten votes were unpredictably cast for Peace and Freedom candidate Roseanne Barr and running mate, Cindy Sheehan. Read the full story

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Hurricane-Struck PA Vote Complete, Romney Claims All 5


GlossyNews.com – The republican vote in the state of Pennsylvania has been completed and tallied. All 5 votes were reportedly allocated to two-time presidential hopeful and failed former Governor Willard Mitt Romney.

The democratic observer at the polling place has filed an official complaint over voter intimidation for the count, which drove up the number of Republican votes, which is expected to delay the results from becoming official. Read the full story

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President Obama Trapped in Hope/Change Related Scandal


GlossyNews.com – Washington D.C.- After many years of speculation, allegations arose concerning the Presidents abuse of Hope. While sources closest to the president could not confirm or deny these allegations, some senior level advisers have come forward with their suspicions.

“Sometimes, he just sits at the desk, dreaming of a brighter tomorrow,” says Senior adviser David Axlerod. Read the full story

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GA Exit Polls Show Honey Boo Boo Leading Twinkies


GlossyNews.com – GEORGIA – Exit polls conducted throughout the state of Georgia are showing reality TV starlet and shaved Gremlin Honey Boo Boo holding a slight lead over the well known snack Twinkies in the race for the White House.

Asked how something like this could happen, state election officials said that Georgia voters simply ignored all of the options on the ballot and wrote in either Honey Boo Boo, Twinkies, or Gary Johnson. Read the full story

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Romney and Obama Both Concede


GlossyNews.com – GlossyNews has learned that the presidential candidates of the two major parties have both decided to concede the election. Partly for reasons unknown, but mostly to spare the American people the frustration of waiting for the results.

Since they had both prepared their speeches in advance and were waiting for Wheel of Fortune to finish, I was able to do a short interview with each of them via SMS text to their cell phones: Read the full story

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Ron Paul Still Campaigning Out In Nebraska Somewhere


GlossyNews.com – NEBRASKA, SOMEWHERE – With just hours to go until the polls close Tuesday, committed Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul was reportedly still out on the campaign trail somewhere in Nebraska this morning.

Though the GOP officially nominated Mitt Romney at the Republican National Convention over two months ago, Mr. Paul has nonetheless campaigned up and down some of his favorite down-homey tour stops, also giving stump speeches in Montana, Arkansas and Oklahoma. Read the full story

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