Everybody knows that unlike all the “Abrahamic Religions”™ like Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, Rastafarianism, etc., Buddhism is in a class of its own.
But why? Obviously, because people belonging to all other religions have practiced patriarchy, homophobia, racism, and the odd spot of religious persecution…
On the other hand, as every herb-smoking New Age traveler knows in their heart, Buddhism is the one religion on earth where there has never been a war, or any sort of persecution, prejudice or discrimination whatsoever.
However, this universally acknowledged common sense fact is becoming increasingly difficult to square with some of the more erratic rulings recently attributed to the entirely authoritative and infallible teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, known to countless beer-addled student activists as H.H.
(No, I mean really infallible, not like the Pope, who is only called infallible; and who is not ACTUALLY infallible. Learn the difference, chip!)
Well, what did the world’s most peaceful, non-discriminatory, and non-political religious leader have to say that has provoked such opprobrium? The Dalai Lama has stated that looting, pillaging and burning villages may be acceptable in a military context if it is not done in a spirit of rage and malice.
“Now, as I have so often said, my way is a middle way™. If you are motivated to commit some kind of war atrocity out of fear, anger or a general negative attitude™ towards the villagers, this is bad karma™, indeed a serious error.
“Yes, this will considerably hinder your progress (unless, perhaps, an enlightened figure will bestow some merit on you). But if your action is motivated by compassion™, or at least by a certain detachment™, a dispassionate motivation™, then your action may have few or no negative karmic consequences™.”
These remarks have caused outrage among many observers; at least among some people who are not currently in a soporific George-Harrison-LP-induced daze. An anonymous source in China says:
“Well, we have been telling the world for years about this man, about how he is a liar and a charlatan. Now the mask has slipped, and he has shown his true colors. Maybe now fewer people will be fooled.”
Still, Richard Gere has stepped up to defend his buddy and spiritual comrade-in-arms:
“You know, it shows you how little respect people have for His Holiness when people are queuing up to disparage him™ in this way. This is a man of peace™, you know like Nelson Mandela, Che Guevara, Hugo Chavez, Kim Il-Sung, all these people.”
Well, OK. Glad that’s settled then.