NEW YORK, NY—Comedians and “Fake News” Correspondents across the nation have been unable to produce any suitable material to satirize Tennessee’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill that advanced in the state’s Senate last month.

“It’s like they created the bill just to f**k with us,” one editor from The Onion told reporters, “I mean, we can’t think of anything more absurd than the proposed law itself. Read the full story

Deputy Secretary of Defense Scott Turlock spoke from the Pentagon this week to announce news that portends even more paradigm challenges for the United States military forces.

“Well we don’t know how he got there either. Our plate’s pretty full right now just trying to make the new gay policy happen. We’ve asked Congress for money to buy bigger plates, but that’s stuck in conference right now, so we messed up. I know it’s an honored tradition in the military since World War Two, there are no ‘atheists in foxholes’ but turns out there is one.” Read the full story

“Why are we here?”
“What is the meaning of life?”
“What’s the ultimate purpose of life?”
“Where are we headed as human beings?”
“Is there a God — a personal God as religion states?”

It is quite useless and senseless to ask these questions or hope for an definite answer since all of those who came before us for thousands of years were not able answer them. And also there are no “Real” answers to the value-laden questions that ever eludes our understanding and ever escapes our grasps. Read the full story

Raisin, TX-The East Texas town of Raisin has found itself in a predictable predicament culminating from the holier-than-thou atmosphere that often pervades small towns across the United States.

When you approach Raisin, a town of 2500 that sits in a dale along a two-lane highway, a gigantic weathered sign depicts an intimate close-up of a strikingly Aryan Jesus on what is arguably one of his worst days. Read the full story

THE VATICAN, ROME —BobZaguy Socio-political similarities have surfaced between the two most famous world-class conservative church leaders who publicly don’t seem to pay much mind to each other.
However, two bone-shaking statements were made a few days apart by the two men and have most of the world’s religious pundits looking for a pin to stand on. Read the full story

Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front of me, and I’ll go to my grave believing that”, he was quoted as saying.

Fortunately for Mr. Husfelt, he won’t have to wait until he’s six feet under to find out, as the Supreme Being sent out a divine press release today confirming that He did, in fact, intervene on the board member’s behalf. Read the full story

Lexington, VA (GlossyNews) — In a strange twist, the giant oil slick invading the Gulf Coast has blamed the capitalist pimp and preacher, known as Pat Robertson, for creating it.

“I don’t know what everyone is so upset about.“ said the humongous oil slick, when we finally caught up with it off the coast of Louisiana. “Your modern religious dogma that thinks wealth and riches are the way to heaven Read the full story

Austin, TX (GlossyNews) — Texas Governor Rick Perry, in a tawdry attempt to poison the jury pool when the lawsuits start flying over the BP oil spill, has announced the oil well blowout in the Gulf of Mexico is “an act of God,“ while sticking to his former position that gay people are an abomination.

“It is true,” said Perry, “that an act of God is not covered by insurance policies and when it comes to a lawsuit, you can’t sue anyone over an act of God, but that has nothing to do with my statement. Read the full story

Noplace, Ecuador (GlossyNews) — A young Christian missionary, chomping at the bit and excited that a fresh field of new pygmy souls was ripe for harvest, was distressed to find that a National Geographic photographer paid tribe members less than eight dollars each for their souls not two months before his arrival.

With Bible in tow, Christian Missionary, Jonah Thompson, was found standing in the soulless remains of a pygmy tribe outside of Ecuador, watching what looked like normal tribe activity Read the full story

Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“

In an interview punctuated with controversy, Hardwinkel laid out his case:

“Look-I’ll make it easy for you. From day one God’s been on fire. She is very creative, which is a sure sign of gayness. Big poofy clouds, sparkly stars, sprinkly snow, outrageous sunsets Read the full story

Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo Stinsky, was seen alongside a group of other boys beating Flutcher to a pulp.

Even the teachers are in on it now that it’s in the open and the election is finally over. Most turn their back when they see the religious ceremony begin. It usually starts with a push, or maybe a kick, Read the full story

San Francisco, CA (GlossyNews) — “I never thought I would pray for somebody to flat-out die,“ said liberal turned Christian, Marty Hayes. “But I’ve been praying hard for this one. I can’t stand to hear Palin’s voice, it sounds like the hounds of hell to me.“

Similar sentiments are coming from millions of Democrats who never thought they’d be seen down on their knees with hands clasped and begging eyes turned upward. A Priest from an Episcopal Church that only one month ago was worried about keeping the lights on, has mixed feeling about the turn of events. Read the full story

Milwaukee, WI (GlossyNews) -– A Wisconsin District Court Judge appropriately named Crabb has ruled that there will be no praying on National Prayer Day unless it is done in private. “Whether you are an atheist or a true believer, a heterosexual or a homosexual, a Republican or a Democrat, a man or a woman, you cannot pray in Wisconsin on this day,” said the ruling handed down by Crabb. Read the full story

VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — A leading Atheist Richard Dawkins has hinted on the possibility of suing the Pope on child abuse cover ups in the Catholic church when he was Cardinal. This revelation has not led to a proper response yet. So, while the Vatican has, thus far, ignored Dawkins and says it’s a virtual impossibility, Catholics all over the world have voiced their contempt. Read the full story

Kingston, Jamaica (GlossyNews) — The disappearance of two Trustafarians in the jungles of Jamaica has sent a mild panic through wealthy families in the U.S., who sort of wonder where their own dreadlocked dodos might be hanging out.

A few days ago a group of lawyers from Manhattan were talking about doing something to find these 32 year old kids, but outside of a call to the U.S. Embassy in Kingston that went unanswered after 117 rings, not much else was done. A spokesman for the attorney’s group said the search was called off by the 5:00 cocktail hour. Read the full story

OSHKOSH, WI (GlossyNews) — A local 18-year-old, Mark Edwards, was ejected from the Life Fest Christian Rock Festival this past weekend for displaying a rude gesture during one of the band’s performances.

“I was watching Crossroads, and man, they we’re tearing it up!” Edwards told the press. “I was so into it, and before I knew it, I made the devil horns sign with my hand.” Read the full story