Posted on 18 November 2014.
Announcer: A high school in Colorado recently banned religious speech during an “Open Time” period also known as Seminar.
Previously, Jackson High School of Mill Creek, Washington, with the support of the federal courts, banned the playing of an instrumental version of Franz Biebl’s “Ave Maria” at its graduation ceremony.
Dick and Janey, “Yucky World” talk show hosts, will be discussing this issue with Wanda Pagan, spokesperson for Secularize All Public Schools (SAPS).
Janey: What’s the problem, Ms. Pagan?
Pagan: You can’t do religion in the public schools.
Janey: But an instrumental version…
Pagan: …is religion getting its foot in the school house door.
Dick: Would a toe have a better chance?
Pagan: A toe? It really doesn’t matter. That wall separating church and state has to be toe-proof, too.
Dick: Isn’t that a food?
Janey: That’s tofu, Dick. What are your organization’s long range goals, Ms. Pagan?
Pagan: SAPS not only wants to keep religion out of the schools, we want God out as well!
Dick: What if God has a visitor’s pass?
Janey: Uh…what are some other changes you’d like to see?
Pagan: First of all, high school bands would not be allowed to march in Thanksgiving Day parades.
Dick: Wait until Santa hears about this!
Pagan: It’s not about Santa. Students shouldn’t be marching in a parade whose main purpose is to thank God.
Janey: Would schools still be able to close for Good Friday?
Pagan: Yes, but they’d have to rename it. What gives one religious group the right to say their Friday is better than someone else’s? Furthermore, Easter Vacation would have to be renamed Spring Vacation.
Dick: Then if the Easter Bunny changed his first name to Spring, he would still be okay for school?
Pagan: Well…yes, I guess so.
Dick: I don’t think he’s going to like that. He’s already been picked on a lot because his last name is Bunny.
Janey: Ah…right, Dick. If references to God are out, what should students do when they’re saying “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance?
Pagan: Our lawyers recommend coughing.
Dick: Hey, what about milk money? Coins have “In God We Trust” on them!
Pagan: We’re advising school cafeterias to only accept checks.
Janey: And the singing of “God Bless America”?
Pagan: Should be banned!
Dick: So you think nothing blessed America and that we’re all alone!
Pagan: In your case, you ought to be alone in a padded cell.
Janey: Sounds like you’re coming down with a cold.
Janey: God bless you!
Dick: If the SAPS have their way, better not get caught saying that in a public school!