Archive | Opinon/Editorial

The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

It’s time patriotic, flag-waving Americans stand up for our God-given right to oppose any minority group that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable.

The time is now to raise arms – and legs – against the moral decay of this once great land. Join me in opposing the misguided policy of marriage equality for left-handed people. Continue Reading


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society1 Comment

America is the greatest nation on earth – In your FACE, Denmark

America is the greatest nation on earth – In your FACE, Denmark

On July 4th, we will once again celebrate our independence from the tyranny of England.

Those British monarchs can be so oppressive.

If it were up to Queen Elizabeth, we’d all be forced to drink Earl Grey tea with every meal.

Every year at this time, Americans proudly mark our independence with fireworks, burgers on the grill and binge drinking. And why shouldn’t we? Continue Reading


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society0 Comments

Top 8 “Thwarted Knight” Excuses (2/2)

Top 8 “Thwarted Knight” Excuses (2/2)

Sorry, son. I know I was hard on you (and me?) last time.

Still, it’s all downhill from here, don’t worry.

6. You’re twisting my words.

OK, so you know words are subject to interpretation. That’s a start.

So why is your interpretation of your own words so important? Every time you open your mouth or set pen to paper, everyone has to focus on what you “originally meant?” Continue Reading


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Top 8 “Thwarted Knight” Excuses (1/2)

Top 8 “Thwarted Knight” Excuses (1/2)

Everybody knows it’s REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HARD TO BE A MAN!!!


And when you’re part of a tragically oppressed subaltern group like yours, there’s no shortage of excuses for justifying your perfectly noble and laudable addiction to telling women to quit telling men what we do wrong.

Still, here’s why you/we might think twice about using these old chestnuts in future… Continue Reading


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society1 Comment

“But Immigration is Complex…” Uh-uh! Not so Fast!

“But Immigration is Complex…” Uh-uh! Not so Fast!

Coming up to the 2015 General Election, the inflammatory rhetoric of UKIP is a worrying feature of the complex political scene in the UK.

It’s always been complex, of course…

Well, we have had politicians who have expanded the suffrage and decriminalised homosexuality. Continue Reading


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics, World News1 Comment

Better parenting through polling

Better parenting through polling

When it comes to parenting, I don’t always make the best decisions. I’m not always sure what the right thing to do is in a difficult situation.

Like the time our elder daughter begged and pleaded with me to let her drive the car to the mall. It was a sunny day. Traffic was light. And she had behaved extremely well all week long. So against my better judgment, I said okay. Two minutes later, she smashed the car into a stop sign barely 100 yards from our driveway. A part of me can’t help but wonder whether in retrospect I made a mistake giving in to the incessant pleadings of an eight-year-old to drive my minivan.

Sometimes my wife questions my ability to make the right call. Heck, she rarely listens to any of my opinions unless at least four complete strangers tell her the exact same thing – which got me to thinking: maybe the way for me to make better parenting decisions is to poll the opinions of total strangers.

In the most recent presidential election, the polls were incredibly accurate forecasters of people’s voting preferences. Nate Silver’s 538 blog accurately predicted the Electoral College winner in all fifty states. Politicians use polls all the time to help them decide how to vote. Should we legalize gay marriage? Poll your constituents. Should we cut defense spending? Do a poll. Should we ban hurricanes during the last week of a presidential campaign? (97% of Republicans resoundingly voted yes.)

I figure, maybe I can learn a thing or two from those politicians. That’s why I’ve decided to stop listening to my inner voice when confronted by a difficult parenting issue. Now I make all my important parenting decisions by means of polling. I have benefitted from the collective wisdom of a much broader community in many matters:

Poll Question #1: What punishment is appropriate for our elder daughter, who missed curfew for the third time in two weeks, giving the lame excuse that she missed the last bus from the library and had to walk the six miles home? According to my poll of 328 Boston Red Sox season ticket holders:

• 59% said that I should give her some slack since, after all, she was studying at the library.
• 24% said I should talk with her and ask her what she thinks the consequences should be.
• 9% said she’s had plenty of warnings and I should ground her until spring training.
• 8% said I should put in a pinch hitter and attempt a bunt to move the runner on second over to third.

parenting by polling - childrenPoll Question #2: The last time our younger daughter cleaned up her room, Michele Bachmann was leading in the Republican race for president. Her room now looks like a home in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. What should I do? I polled 147 Guatemalan goat herders and here’s how they weighed in on the matter:

• 37% said that unless it presents a safety issue, I should just let it go. Pick my battles.
• 29% said a sloppy room is a sign of disrespect for the head of the household. She should be punished by having to sleep outside with the goats in their pen for 20 nights.
• 34% said “What is a Michele Bachmann?”
• 100% said, “Your daughter has her own room?”

Poll Question #3: Our two teenage daughters squabble all the time. Lately their arguments have escalated into nasty name-calling with curse words and profanity. What should I do about this the next time they start after each other? I polled 275 Amish families in Lancaster, PA, and here is how they responded:

• 39% said that this is typical teenage behavior and I should not intervene. Let them sort it out.
• 28% said take away all their consumer electronic devices for a week. The Amish have lived without cell phones for years; the girls can survive without theirs for a week.
• 18% said that the girls’ use of curse words is an affront to God. Teach them a lesson in cooperation by making them build a barn together – no power tools allowed.
• 15% said when they’re done building the barn, they can start working on the grain silo. It’s in serious need of repairs. And while they’re at it, it wouldn’t kill them to repaint the school.

But after they voted, they discussed the issue further. And to my surprise, they all changed their minds – and unanimously voted for shunning.

parenting by polling - Bolivian womenUsing this polling system has dramatically reduced my stress level. I can’t actually say it’s helped me arrive at any better parenting decisions, but at least now I can point the blame somewhere else. Next time my wife gets on my case about a bad parenting decision and screeches, “Who in the world thought it was a good idea to let our daughter have a pet llama?” My response is simple: “A focus group of Peruvian llama ranchers, honey.”

In a few cases, however, the feedback has been perplexing. I polled a group of Tea Party activists about how to discuss the dangers of drinking and driving with my college-age daughter. 87% of respondents said the critical thing I need to do is to lower taxes, repeal Obamacare, and get the federal government out of my life. I’m not really sure what this has to do with the dangers of drinking and driving. Maybe if I dress up as George Washington it will make more sense to me.

My wife is not on board yet with my new parenting approach. She is old-fashioned. Amusingly, she still thinks the best approach is to stay calm, be clear in our expectations and apply logical consequences for our children’s poor choices. Sounds like way too much work, if you ask me.

Frankly, I’m not so sure my wife’s outdated parenting methodology works any better than my new system. So I polled 195 soccer dads about which approach they feel is more effective, mine or hers. They were divided on the question. But there was an overwhelming consensus on a related issue: They all agreed the coach does not give their kid nearly enough playing time.


Posted in Kidz Zone, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

What Happens When a Satirist Feels Uncomfortable at the Satire of Others?

What Happens When a Satirist Feels Uncomfortable at the Satire of Others?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I can’t seem do the links correctly for these (in bold) Tried using wordpress function, but trial run was unsatisfactory. Please do them for me?

EDITOR’S NOTE: No problem. Now I just have to figure out how to delete these damn notes to each other here up top.

At the risk of egregious flattery to my colleagues, my favorite satire outlet I write for is Glossynews. And I once wrote the following piece, which actually means a lot to me. [a href=””>It is THIS one. Continue Reading


Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

Sorry MEN, You Are ALL Sexists (This Time I’m Serious)

Sorry MEN, You Are ALL Sexists (This Time I’m Serious)

The moment I tell you “You’re ALL sexists,” some poor Jeremy is gonna wail out:

“But we’re not AAALLL like thaaat!!!”

But that’s precisely the point.

There’s something very significant about the fact that this is precisely the typical response to the (actually defensible) idea that the problem is “men…” Continue Reading


Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial1 Comment

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (2/2)

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (2/2)

Previously, as a non-Muslim, I raised the question of the distinction between a living letter and prophet, and a dead letter and prophet.

And I’m not so much attempting to intrude from the outside of Islam, to set a “program” or “plan” for the religion…

But I am raising some questions that are fairly broad in scope, and no doubt apply to other religions too. Continue Reading


Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (1/2)

A Prophet Versus Islamists? What Would Muhammad Say? (1/2)

Disclaimer: This is less “humorous” than my usual work (apart from some cheeky memes!), but is not intended as “po-faced” or “solemn.”

I’m not suggesting a program or plan for Muslims or non-Muslims, satirists or non-satirists.

I’m mainly trying to clarify my own thoughts to myself, posing some very current questions; hoping some individuals, (whoever you may be), may find these ideas intriguing, and worth reflecting upon. Continue Reading


Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

UK: No, Not All Anti-Fascists Are Equal

UK: No, Not All Anti-Fascists Are Equal

Unparliamentary Fanaticism

The tragic fact is that in the United Kingdom, as in many other countries, there is a fascist presence.

However, fascist parties are fringe organizations; not least in terms of their electoral power.

Yes… over here, it is not merely “bad dinner party conversation” for goose-stepping eagle-polishers to talk about their BNP or National Front membership…

Rather, it is likely to lose them their entire reputation (such as it may be). Continue Reading


Posted in Human Interest, Opinon/Editorial0 Comments

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream

On January 19th, this nation will celebrate Martin Luther King Day. The iconic civil rights leader would have been 86 this year. On a swelteringly hot day in August 1963, Reverend King delivered one of the greatest oratories in American history – his famously inspiring “I have a dream” speech, which he delivered from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

While I don’t claim to possess Mr. King’s eloquence, I too have a dream. And it’s very personal. With your permission, I would like to share it with you today. Continue Reading


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society0 Comments

Time To Retire Grumpy Old Senators

Time To Retire Grumpy Old Senators

Everybody seems to be blaming the current do-nothing state of Congress on the fractious squabbling between different ideological factions, particularly those of the Republican persuasion.

But maybe it’s not ideology at all; maybe it’s just that we have too many grumpy old men in the Senate.

It would probably require a Constitutional amendment but I think it’s time we placed an age limit on membership in the U. S. Senate. Continue Reading


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics0 Comments

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Obamymorons! (They’re not what you think!)

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Obamymorons! (They’re not what you think!)

Announcer: Today’s guest on “Yucky World” will be noted political consultant and lexicologist W.C. “Scoop” Pooper. He will be discussing a new political term, Obamymoron, with our talk show hosts Dick and Janey.

Janey: Welcome, Scoop.

Dick: Hey, what’s the latest poop, Scoop? Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

Scoop: Well, President Obama has finally stepped in it this time with the Sergeant Bergdahl trade!

Dick: I’m not surprised. That’s what happens when you lead with your bee-hind.

Janey: Please, Dick! What’s an Obamymoron, Scoop?

Scoop: It’s when people realize that what you said or did contradicts reality.

Dick: Like Bergdahl was so near death that the President didn’t have time to consult Congress?

Scoop: Right!

Dick: Then “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” would also be an Obamymoron?

Scoop: Absolutely! But it doesn’t have to be something President Obama said or did.

Janey: How about “Read my lips! No new taxes”?

Scoop: Exactly! Obamymorons can be bi-partisan!

Dick: What about Susan Rice saying Bergdahl was “captured on the battlefield” and “served the United States with honor and distinction”?

Scoop: That’s a double Obamymoron. Those are hard to do!

Dick: Not for Rice. Don’t forget her Obamymoron that the attack in Benghazi started out as a protest over a video.

Janey: I’m a little concerned that some people might think the term Obamymoron is racist.

Scoop: You know, it’s really just a play on the word oxymoron, like “jumbo shrimp”. Obamymorons are very similar to oxymorons; they both have built-in contradictions!

Dick: And no one’s ever said that using the term oxymoron meant a person was prejudiced against oxen.

Janey: Ri-i-ght, Dick. But why pick on Obama?

Scoop: Because he’s so easy. Remember when Obama said he was against presidential signing statements being attached to bills and that his administration would be the most transparent ever?

Dick: Obamymorons!

Janey: But sometimes reality is different from what you expected.

Scoop: Yeah! And when reality gets in the way of transparency, and Bush can’t be blamed, you can always crash Lois Lerner’s IRS computer!

Dick: Look at the President’s goal of equal pay for men and women. The problem was, for Obama’s White House staff, women only earned 88% of what men did!

Scoop: Obamymoron!

Dick: How about “I did not have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky”?

Scoop: Doink! That’s not an Obamymoron!

Dick: Doink! Huh?

Janey: Clinton had sex with her, Dick, not sexual relations.

Dick: I’m confused.

Janey: About sex? I’m not surprised.

Scoop: Clinton was being a lawyer and parsing words.

Janey: Speaking of parsing words, our sponsors have just sent us an email indicating that they would like to have an Obamymoron contest.

Dick: Just email your Obamymorons to us here at the station.

Scoop: Will there be prizes?

Dick: Everyone who enters is guaranteed a free IRS audit!

Scoop: What about special prizes for the best responses?

Janey: For second place, your audit will be conducted in the Rose Garden.

Dick: And you will get a free beer compliments of the President.

Scoop: I’m afraid to ask what first place wins.

Dick: A one week all expenses paid vacation to Qatar where you will stay with the Taliban Five at their safe house.

Janey: Wouldn’t a Taliban safe house be a…

Scoop: Yes! …An oxymoronic Obamymoron!!


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics0 Comments

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Feds to tax bowling jackpots!

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Feds to tax bowling jackpots!

Announcer: With the federal highway system continuing to deteriorate, President Obama has been looking for new ways to raise money including collecting tolls on the Interstates. Administration tax specialist Mr. I.R. Esse will be discussing this with Dick and Janey, talk show hosts of “Yucky World”.

Janey: Welcome, Mr. Esse. Continue Reading


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society0 Comments

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey (^-^)  Today’s issue: Sex with a subordinate?!

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey (^-^) Today’s issue: Sex with a subordinate?!

Announcer: Monica Lewinsky was recently interviewed about her affair with former President Bill Clinton. Dick and Janey’s guest today on “Yucky World” will be Hedda Enabler, spokesperson for the National Association of Disorganized Women.

They will be discussing the fact that her organization has not objected to men like Clinton having sex with women who are their subordinates.

Enabler: Hey, bud! You left out the word “consensual”.

Dick:Wow! How did you know our announcer’s name was Bud? I didn’t even know that!

Janey: Forgive him, Ms. Enabler. There’s a lot he doesn’t know.

Enabler: Probably starting with sex.

Dick: Hey, I know about the birds and the fleas.

Janey: Anyway, how can sex between a subordinate and her boss be consensual? If she refuses, it could cost the woman her job.

Enabler: Just say “No!”

Dick: I think I’ve heard that before.

Janey: And if she loses her job?

Enabler: Sue him!

Dick: That will keep the trial lawyers smiling.

Janey: What if it’s a lawyer having sex with his secretary?

Dick: Another smiling lawyer?

Enabler:Let’s look at a real world example like President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

Janey: As an intern, she wasn’t even an employee when the affair started.

Enabler: Doesn’t matter. It was consensual. The President was under a lot of pressure, and she was helping him to relieve it.

Dick: When I’m under stress, I usually go for a walk.

Enabler: I bet you drop bread crumbs so you can find your way home.

Janey: And what kind of stress was David Letterman under with his staffers?

Enabler: Hey, it’s tough being a high profile network comedian. You have to tell some really good jokes night after night.

Janey: But, you certainly must object to Roman Polanski having sex with a thirteen-year-old girl.

Enabler: Cut the guy a little slack. He’s made a lot of great movies…and look at all the pressure and personal tragedies he’s had to face.

Janey: But a thirteen-year-old?

Enabler: Shakespeare’s Juliet was only thirteen!

Dick: Hmm! “Roman and Juliet”? It doesn’t really work for me.

Janey: Polanski even drugged her.

Enabler: So! Juliet did drugs, too.

Dick: Sex! Drugs! Some things never change!!

Janey: But what if the tables are turned? What if the woman is the boss who’s demanding sex?

Enabler: I guess men will just have to get used to it.

Dick: Used to what?

Enabler: Being in the subordinate position.

Dick: I don’t remember that position from my sex ed class.

Janey: Isn’t it just blatant hypocrisy to say it’s consensual sex when the relationship is between a boss and a subordinate?

Enabler: Sometimes it depends on who the boss is.

Janey: Well, what about George W. Bush?

Enabler: That “W” stood for “War on Women”!

Janey: Well, he did free a lot of women from domination by the misogynist Taliban!

Enabler: Sure, but what did he do for American women?

Janey: Isn’t that a double standard?

Enabler: Well, it’s better than having no standards at all!

Dick: Maybe I should become a trial lawyer.

Janey: Don’t you remember what Shakespeare wrote about killing all the lawyers?

Dick: Yeah, but at least they would have died with smiles on their faces. Yuck! Yuck!

Janey: You’d better wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you!

Dick: “For never was a story of more woe…” Than this of Janey and her Dickeo!

Enabler: Sophomoric!

Dick: Yeah! But at least I’m consistent!


Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Society5 Comments

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