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Glossy News Podcast Comes 7/27/15, and I Need Your Help!

Glossy News Podcast Comes 7/27/15, and I Need Your Help!

Some have called him “funny,” “awesome,” and “kind,” but as kind as they are, my kids won’t be able to listen to my podcast for adult language and themes.

On July 27th, the Glossy News podcast will launch with five Podisodes already ready to go. It started as a “free” project, but it’s quickly blossomed into something far more sinister, amazing and expensive.

You can see a mediocre 22-minute preview of the podcast below, but the important thing is that I need your help! Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down

Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Asked to make a public statement about this unexpected change, God refused at first to answer reporters’ questions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Religionism7 Comments

Our Crowdfunded North Korea Movie is Chugging Along, but it Needs Your Help

Our Crowdfunded North Korea Movie is Chugging Along, but it Needs Your Help

Kim Jong-Un is reportedly flipping his shit since the wide release of “The Interview”, which even his most dastardly designs did nothing to diminish.

We’re about halfway done filming ours, and I must say, it… looks… amazing. “The Interview” was pure Hollywood, but ours aims to really take the piss out of him and his absurd hermit kingdom.

Here is a pre-pre-trailer to show you what we’ve got so far, but if you scroll down far enough and read things close enough, you’ll get to see an actual clip from the movie to show you what we’re doing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics, Video News7 Comments

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry has threatened the pitiful Unamerican/Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet “Glossynews” with humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.

Read the transcript, and promise me not to laugh. This shit is serious.

The illegitimate Glossynews editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.

These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and it’s about time they started acting accountably. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, War Zone0 Comments

Discovery Channel Commits DMCA Fraud (seriously)

Discovery Channel Commits DMCA Fraud (seriously)

Discovery Channel is at it again. This time they’ve targeted two of our videos and taken them down.

This is the fourth time they or one of their affiliates have targeted our video “How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made” and the first time they’ve targeted “How Chicken Nuggets are REALLY Made“.

They are committing fraud, plain and simple.

When the hot dog video first went online, they filed a claim to assume all ad revenue. At first, I let it slide because I didn’t know better. For the vast majority of the life of this video, Discovery Channel kept every penny of revenue.

Months later came a very nasty take down notice from their partners in Canada. They didn’t just want the money, they wanted it gone, going as far as to write a custom (non-form) letter describing it as “disgusting”. I’d had enough so I did my research and fought them.

The law firm in Quebec immediately backed down knowing they had no standing. I also contested the “Matched 3rd Party Content” claim from Discovery and had that reversed as well.

Last month, without any notice, Discovery filed another claim instantly taking all my ad revenue without so much as a notice. It wasn’t until I looked into my stats that I even saw it. I immediately contested it and a few days later, it was reversed. The money was still gone from that time, of course, but that’s just how YouTube protects its dying-media partners.

On this one, it wasn’t so much as a new claim, but the exact same claim one second later in the video.

Yesterday I went to look at my stats and found that Discovery had filed two new claims against my videos. Not content with taking all the money (since I’d stopped them twice before) they simply had the videos removed.

These are two of my biggest videos we’re talking about. About 150 people see them every day, but not now. Not until YouTube or Discovery Network admit, once again, that these fall under the Fair Use doctrine.

Fair Use Doctrine Explained

According to this document from Stanford, “Most fair use analysis falls into two categories: (1) commentary and criticism, or (2) parody.”

A parody is a work that ridicules another, usually well-known work, by imitating it in a comic way. Judges understand that, by its nature, parody demands some taking from the original work being parodied. Unlike other forms of fair use, a fairly extensive use of the original work is permitted in a parody in order to “conjure up” the original.

In the case of both videos, they were not simply taken as a whole and republished. They substantially borrowed from, but substantially provided commentary on both processes outlined.

The Transformative Factor: The Purpose and Character of Your Use

In a 1994 case, the Supreme Court emphasized this first factor as being a primary indicator of fair use. At issue is whether the material has been used to help create something new or merely copied verbatim into another work. When taking portions of copyrighted work, ask yourself the following questions:

– Has the material you have taken from the original work been transformed by adding new expression or meaning?
– Was value added to the original by creating new information, new aesthetics, new insights, and understandings?

In a parody, for example, the parodist transforms the original by holding it up to ridicule.

Are the works transformative? You bet your ass. New expression and meaning is the entire point my videos. New information is literally what’s created.

The Effect of the Use Upon the Potential Market

Another important fair use factor is whether your use deprives the copyright owner of income or undermines a new or potential market for the copyrighted work… Again, parody is given a slightly different fair use analysis with regard to the impact on the market. It’s possible that a parody may diminish or even destroy the market value of the original work. That is, the parody may be so good that the public can never take the original work seriously again. Although this may cause a loss of income, it’s not the same type of loss as when an infringer merely appropriates the work. As one judge explained, “The economic effect of a parody with which we are concerned is not its potential to destroy or diminish the market for the original—any bad review can have that effect—but whether it fulfills the demand for the original.” (Fisher v. Dees, 794 F.2d 432 (9th Cir. 1986).)

There are two important things here. First of all, the actual “How It’s Made: Hot Dogs” videos have over 60 million views. Mind has under 70,000. To argue it’s diminishing their income is laughable, but the second point is more compelling.

It doesn’t matter if I actual could diminish their work because mine is very abundantly clearly a parody. There are a few scattered comments who don’t get it, but every one of those are what judges could call a moron in a hurry.

(Example of) Fair Use. A pro-life video organization created two anti-abortion videos by borrowing video clips from a pro-choice video and juxtaposing them with actual abortion footage.

That means that even if they don’t find it funny, being transformative in parody is sufficient grounds.

What’s next with this?

I’m fighting this to the death. If they want to suggest short-of-court arrangements I’m happy to listen, but they’ve been nothing but a monumental pain in my ass and I have zero doubt I will prevail.

I haven’t used any of their footage in my newer videos about hot things are REALLY made because even though I have the right to, I have no desire to bring further attention and profit to their programming. But these two videos? Sorry guys, they’re not going anywhere.

If they want to sue me, I’ll appear and fight to the bitter end… and win… with a judgment for my costs. If they back down but continue to harass me I will file suit against them. Once or twice I can understand, but this is my fourth and fifth time dealing with them.

This isn’t a mistake, it’s standard operating procedure. It’s millionaires and billionaires fighting me for my nickel. As a matter of principal I just can’t let it go.

Bruce Campbell (no relation to the cool one, I believe,) is Discovery Network’s Chief Development & Digital Media Officer and General Counsel, which includes “all legal affairs”.

I highly doubt he knows what’s being done in his name, but I’ll leave it to you readers to decide if that’s me being serious or satirical. If he doesn’t, he needs to fix this. If he does, he needs to explain it.

Harassing, needling and nickel and diming a two-bit media guy like me isn’t just a waste of resource, it’s a lot like shaking a beehive. Well, it would be if beehives had time on their hands and a passion for righting wrongs against them and the ability to do something about it. So I guess I’m more like, well, an actual beehive.

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Posted in Internets Tubes4 Comments

Firing Squad, North Korea Satire Movie Both Ready to Shoot (VIDEOs)

Firing Squad, North Korea Satire Movie Both Ready to Shoot (VIDEOs)

There are those who quake in their boots at the thought of upsetting sweaty North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. We are not among them.

Thumbing our noses is the least of what we’re doing. Unlike “The Interview” ours will be a non-stop biting satire. We’re not focused primarily on the American’s involvement, but almost exclusively on those within North Korea.

It’s a hermit Kingdom and it’s a fascinating place. Very little news gets out but our team of writers has been hammering on this to craft a clever script. We’ve amassed a hell of a crew and we’re planning to start shooting actual screen footage in the next ten days. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Video News5 Comments

John McCain Wants My Money, Assumes I’m (Fiscally?) Retarded

John McCain Wants My Money, Assumes I’m (Fiscally?) Retarded

Oh Johnny Mac, you were once a man of principle. Now you’re not even a man of interest.

With a subject line of “Get out of here, you low-life scum”. Oh this, promises to be great.

What follows from there is an avalan-tsunami-cane of red meat pandering lies. Not the usual half-truths, mind you, but outright lies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

2014’s Biggest Douchebag of the Year — Dan Bilzerian

2014’s Biggest Douchebag of the Year — Dan Bilzerian

Douchebags. Everyone gets their fair of share of douchebags in life, from the fleeting obnoxious ones that drive past you in their pimped out Ford Fiestas in a flurry of LEDs and screeching tyres, to the annoying ones who just have to tell everyone at the party about how they once played beer pong for 5 hours straight. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Internets Tubes4 Comments

Super Best Technological Advancement in Making of Online Website

Super Best Technological Advancement in Making of Online Website

It was only after the internet came into light as a big roar that online websites started to grow like mushrooms after rain.

Previously used by academia since the 1980s, it was only by the 1990s that the commercialization of the internet came as an international network resulting in its popularization and fusion into almost every aspect of modern human life.

It was in year 1991 that a whole new world online began whereby there existed only one website, and even that one didn’t have a cat. This has swiftly grown throughout the years where now it exist over a billion websites. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

The Latest Personality Type Indicator Will Shock You

The Latest Personality Type Indicator Will Shock You

As outlined in the Breyers-Griggs Universal Spectrum® (BoGUS®) Statement of Aims and Objectives, the purpose of the popular personality test is two-fold:

1. To assist people in better understanding themselves, including their personal preferences, strengths and weaknesses, and scope of interests; and
2. To provide employers with resources to inform key decisions in areas such as staffing and seat assignments. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Internets Tubes0 Comments

5 Lists and Articles People Totally Need to Stop Sharing

5 Lists and Articles People Totally Need to Stop Sharing

You, stop right there! Don’t click another “share” button until you’ve read this article. Facebook has become a place to post all your passive aggressive, secretly racist, and propaganda articles far too long.

Take a hint, everyone is tired of seeing these posts. Here are 5 things you totally need to stop sharing right now.

5: Lists of common things you’ve been doing wrong your entire life.

You don’t use straws to remove the tops of strawberries? Not following the 5 step chicken wing eating process? Are you brain dead or what?

The last thing anyone wants to hear is how they have been doing something so simple wrong forever. In most cases, the “correct” way is stupid and not practical. Obviously, its not wrong. Stop being a jerk and get off your high horse.

This applies to any articles found on BuzzFeed

4: Person does some thing. What happens next will shock you!

Why this isn’t number one on my voter bill is beyond words. Seriously, with that vague title I will never click the link. And if YOU click those links, you are only propagating the ridiculous use of vague attention grabbing titles. STOP IT!

Here is the most recent one I saw.

1: Super opinionated articles

This one is Legen- wait for it……it never came. That’s because these kinds of articles are ridiculous. If you have been paying attention, there were only 3 items.

That is because these kinds of lists and articles suck. It makes it awkward for your friends when you share things like this on Facebook. That is the sound of a thousand eyes rolling at once. Every time you share something like this, I cry inside. Do you really think you are cool by showing how ignorant you are? What kind of vindication do you get from figuratively flipping the bird to everyone?

Huffington Post, I’m looking at you.

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes3 Comments

An Annoying Update On Annoying Updates

An Annoying Update On Annoying Updates

Traveling on the road can be stressful. Sometimes too stressful. One doesn’t need non-road situations to make them more stressful. Someone should mention this to Bill Gates.

I am presently doing a road trip with limited amount of time to check out property. This is in a remote part of the country that consists of a lot of trees and hills and not much else.

The towns that are here are Boonievilles, this term not intended as a an insult; they are really cool towns in their unique ways, but ‘Boonievilles’ correctly gives the burgs the proper description as being considerably less sophisticated economically, materially and in terms of modernity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

Man Starts Kickstarter Campaign  to Support Kickstarter Campaigns

Man Starts Kickstarter Campaign to Support Kickstarter Campaigns

Jacob Nastroni doesn’t consider himself an ideas man, but he has at least one he’s putting to the test:

“There are a lot of different Kickstarter projects that I’d love to get behind, but unfortunately I just don’t have the financial means to really get behind them,” says the aspiring venture capitalist.

“I really like seeing the entrepreneurial spirit some of these people have, and, if I’m honest about it, more than a little jealous.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Brief Dating Site Blah Blah Whatever [VIDEO]

Brief Dating Site Blah Blah Whatever [VIDEO]

Dating sites pride themselves on how complicated they are. This site breaks that mold by asking you to do less and less.

“Almost nothing, really,” said Byron Dwight, CEO and actual site member. “Just a quick tl;dr of yourself and we’ll get you matched up with someone.”

TL;DR is an internet abbreviation meaning “too long; didn’t read,” and it’s the big selling point of Tillder Dating. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology, Video News3 Comments

EPA Report: ALS ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ Responsible for 34% Decrease in Polar Ice Caps

EPA Report: ALS ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ Responsible for 34% Decrease in Polar Ice Caps

WASHINGTON – In an alarming press conference delivered this afternoon, Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Gina McCarthy announced that the ALS “Ice Bucket Challenge,” which has, since June 30th, gone viral on social media websites like Facebook and Twitter, is estimated to be responsible for at least a 34% reduction in the mass of arctic sea ice. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Internets Tubes1 Comment

Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back

Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back

Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”.

When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded by stating, “Hey, at least it wasn’t in the back.”

The judge was surprised by their testimonies and decided to let them go off with a warning, only if they promised to never do it again. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Internets Tubes0 Comments

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