Posted on 23 April 2014.
Announcer: With everyone discussing ObamaCare, Dick and Janey, talk show hosts of Yucky World, will be interviewing the President about his latest health care plan.
Janey: Welcome, Mr. President.
Obama: Thank you, Janey.
Dick: So what are you planning on getting wrong this time, Mr. President?
Janey: Dick, please! Show a little respect!
Obama: That’s okay. I’m used to hearing stuff like that from the troglodytes at Fox News, but even Dick might like my latest idea.
Obama: It’s called the Adorable PetCare Act. By executive order, I’m going to provide health care for all our nation’s pets.
Dick: Does that include moose?
Obama: You have a moose for a pet?
Dick: Not yet…but I’m thinking about it. I’m a big Bullwinkle fan.
Janey: Sure, Dick. Have you learned anything from your ObamaCare mistakes?
Obama: Definitely! This time I’m not making promises I can’t keep. When I announce the plan later this week, I will say, “If you like your pet, you can keep your pet. Asterisk.”
Dick: Asterisk! What’s that for?
Obama: It covers any future changes I may have to make in the plan.
Dick: You know, the Constitution’s only been amended 27 times in over 200 years, but you’ve already made over 30 changes in ObamaCare.
Obama: I’m surprised you can count that high, Dick.
Janey: He had some trouble when he ran out of toes.
Dick: You said that people who help folks to sign up for ObamaCare do “God’s work”. What about those who lost their health care?
Obama: I blame those insurance devils!
Dick: You sure it wasn’t Bush’s fault?
Obama: Not this time. The devil was in the details. We’re thinking about an exorcism.
Dick: Ooh-kay. Isn’t the PetCare Act just another example of you using your pencil and phone to go around Congress?
Janey: Dick, he actually said pen.
Obama: Strangely enough, Dick’s more right than wrong. I’m asking Congress to write all future laws in pencil so that way it’ll be easier for me to change them.
Dick: Thank God the Constitution was written in ink!
Obama: That’s where the phone comes in handy. I used it to order a case of Whiteout.
Janey: Have you made any other important calls?
Obama: I did phone Senator Reid.
Obama: The Senator is upset with the IRS. Apparently he still hasn’t received his 10% reward for turning in Gov. Romney in 2012 for not paying taxes for the previous 10 years.
Dick: I guess Dirty Harry made an offer that the IRS could refuse.
Obama: I told the Senator I’d look into it, but, as I’ve said before, there’s not a smidgen of corruption at the IRS.
Dick: Tell that to the pro-marriage group that had its donors’ list leaked by the IRS.
Obama: Even if that’s true, it’s probably just an iota which is a lot less than a smidgen.
Dick: Weasel words!
Obama: Yeah, well, I hate to tell you this, Dick, but weasels aren’t covered under the PetCare Act!
Janey: Can you tell us some of its other provisions?
Dick: Yeah! Like will there be free contraceptives for our pets?
Obama: We’re thinking more like mandatory neutering.
Dick: But if you neuter all our pets, eventually there won’t be any left.
Dick: There goes Bullwinkle, Jr.
Obama: This provision will also decrease income inequality!
Obama: Since poor people spend a greater percentage of their income on their pets than the rich do, eliminating pets will reduce the gap between the rich and the poor.
Janey: What are you planning on doing once you leave the White House?
Obama: Actually, I’m thinking about running for a third term.
Dick: But…but the Constitution limits you to just two.
Obama: Only until my case of Whiteout is delivered.