For the second time this year, Newt Gingrich has announced nationally that he is definitely considering making a run for President of the United States on the GOP ticket. He admits he has some hurdles to overcome and addressed those hurdles in a speech he gave recently at a private fundraiser in Provo, Utah. Read the full story

WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu.

“Let me be clear. We are not limiting these cuts to the traditional Garlic aioli,” the President told a group of reporters at the White House on Tuesday afternoon, “No. We’re cutting all kinds of aioli—Chipotle, Basil, Dill, Tarragon, even Mint, despite the fact that it goes so well over the Braised Lamb Shanks with Thyme.” Read the full story

Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born citizen” of the United States. Proposals include:

1) Demanding to know whether Obama was delivered by cesarean section or by “natural” child-birth. Read the full story

John McCain claims “Like many Americans, I got caught up in the moment when I wrote that op-ed in the Washington Post.”

He told fellow Republicans, “Believe me, it will never happen again.”

Washington, DC – 52 year old Robert Freed was blind-sided today when he walked into work and found a pink slip taped to his locker. After 23 years as an assemblyman at the GM truck plant in Dearborn Michigan, he never expected to be the last man left working in America, and now, finally, the last man laid off. Read the full story

Benton, AR – (Glossy News) WalMart retailers across the US are all set to stock The Nobel Peace Prize on their store shelves in time for the Christmas buying season. Officials claim there will be plenty to go around and the actual medal will be cast in affordable gold painted pewter instead of the more expensive gold.

“The medal will look just like the one President Obama received except this one will sing a song when you clap your hands,” claims Edgar Walton, VP of Chinese made junk. Read the full story

CHICAGO, Ill. (Glossy News) — Career urbanite and now President, Barack Obama, spoke before a group of hunters and outdoors-men in Boise, Idaho, in an attempt to solidify support from the over 225 million Americans who own firearms and of those who hunt.

Obama chose Boise because, in the words of his aide, “Mr. Obama wanted to return to the area where he hunted and killed Bigfoot on his last big game hunting expedition.” Read the full story

Things were a little tense last week when President and first-father, Barack Obama, sat down at the family dinner table and appeared to be somewhat speechless. This was the first family dinner since Michelle laid down the law and told her husband Barack that a teleprompter will not be used at the dinner table any longer.

Just in case, Barack had his daughter’s names carefully spelled out on a piece of paper he palmed in his hand, but couldn’t remember the first familys dog’s name! Read the full story

Vatican City (GlossyNews.com) – Monsignor Alda Frattelli has responded to tabloid claims that the proposed Sainthood for American president, Barack Obama, has been tabled for now and his Holiness will review it in about ten or twenty years.

“Yes, that is true. The Holy See has decided to review it at a much later date to see if Mr. Obama can pull off a few extra miracles besides the one of himself getting elected.” Read the full story

President Barack Obama found himself in a predicament after TV cameras caught him paying homage by bowing to, of all people….the Burger King mascot! (Image courtesy of the ever-clever Glenn McCoy.)

After several on-camera bows to the Emperor of Japan, who’s royal lineage had a major part in the vicious attack on our country just a few generations ago, the hapless ‘Barry’ Obama was once again caught bowing, this time to the King of Saudi Arabia, the Sultan of Brunei, and of course, most recently during a quick stop at a fast food restaurant, the Burger King mascot, who was handing out coloring books to a throng of kids. Read the full story

Science, especially sub-particle acceleration, is not one of President Obama’s strong points, and coupled with a familiar slang term often used on inner city streets, it wasn’t long before a public speaking engagement would go wrong and embarrass the Administration.

Just this past week, the politically beleaguered US President spoke before a large audience at the International Science Center, making what appeared to be an educated political statement about science and the new International CERN Particle Accelerator in Switzerland. Read the full story

The highly viewed FOX television show The Glenn Beck Show has surged upward in viewership the last few weeks with the media industry Nomitron Ratings at an unheard of 9.4 high. The only other broadcast to hit anywhere near this mark was Kennedy’s assassination, the moon landing in 1969, and Princess Diana’s death, and of course the pilot episode of the 1983 miniseries “V”, which had a 22 share. Read the full story

ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) — In his harshest stance yet, President Barack Obama has demanded flailing petroleum giant BP establish yet another $20B set-aside to address more leak damage. At issue is the recent Wiki-leaks release of 91,000 classified documents, considered highly toxic by most defense analysts.

Said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs, “This thing undeniably looks like BP. It’s of unprecedented proportions, politically inconvenient, and clean-up will be a nightmare. So who do you think did it? A leak of these dimensions can only mean BP has failed to follow adequate safety procedures, yet again.”

Though in a leadership transition, BP was quick to respond on this latest disaster. Read the full story

THE HEAVENS – In a rare public announcement, God Himself admitted today that Pat Robertson, who by all rights should have choked to death long ago on his own venomous rhetoric, continues to exist at His whim as an object lesson intended to teach humans not to tolerate bigoted, ranting nutjobs.

Robertson’s most recent tirade attributing a devastating 7.0 earthquake to a pact made between Satan and the entire island nation of Haiti seems to have precipitated the enlightening declaration made by the Almighty. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring. Falling somewhere between a full-blown inaugural parade and a pander-to-the-base campaign rally, President Obama’s vow renewal is designed to assure the American public that he is not about to become the next Jimmy Carter. Read the full story

In a move to recognize the strides America has made in electing its first African American to the highest public office in the land, Senator Shirley Wynott (D-Id) has introduced a bill that would make every February 29 “National Barack Obama Day.”

Never in the history of the United States has a standing President been honored in such a way by having a day named after him while still living and while still in office. In introducing the legislation, Ms. Wynott stated that she got the idea after hearing that President Obama was the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize last year. Read the full story