Tag Archive | "fox news"

New Study Shows the Mexican Cartel to Be “Bunch of Homos(exuals)”


A new study done by the Political Association of Immigration Soldiers and American Students reveals the Mexican Cartel, the same people that love to molest its house rats (no, not their children), to be having mass intercourse with one another. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, World NewsComments (0)

Weakest Lincoln: Thinkin’ or Not, Napolitano Craps Out


Fox News contributor Judge Andrew Napolitano appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart this week to strut his contrarian cred and ruffle some feathers. Problem is, he was just… plain… wrong.

It was great of him to appear on The Daily Show. It really humanized him in ways painfully few of the one-dimensional Fox News caricatures ever bother to. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, PoliticsComments (2)

Fifteen Things That Turned Obama’s Hair Grey


There are many factors within the fray,
that have turned our Presidents hair to grey.
Pundits, done-thats and patriots galore
seek to sabotage him evermore…

These are the things that have turned our fearless leader’s head from black to grey in only five short years:

15 – Having Military Generals whisper to him that ‘they would do a Kennedy’ on him if he so much as tried to close Guantanamo Bay. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Obama: Nat King Cole Song is ‘Homophobic’


WASHINGTON, D.C. – Americans have been left in shock after President Obama issued a statement characterizing Nat King Cole’s famous “Christmas Song” as homophobic.

In a press conference held late on Friday, Obama explained that his uneasiness with the classic tune stems from the following verse:

They know that Santa’s on his way
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh,
And ev’ry mother’s child is gonna spy, Read the full story

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Posted in Music, PoliticsComments (0)

Kris Kringle Appointed Head of NSA


Phoenix, AZ- He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. Now he hears who you are talking to so be good for goodness sake.

The “Jolly Old Man,” otherwise known as Kris Kringle has been appointed to the coveted Director of the National Security Agency replacing Keith Alexander.

This new partnership between Washington and the North Pole will help both parties as this gives Santa new tools to add people to his naughty list. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Emergency Rooms Filled with Victims of Thumb Amputations


Hospitals and 911 phone banks were overwhelmed Saturday night when 16% of the nation lost its thumbs. “It was mass chaos,” said Doctor Anne Fulbright at Dallas General Hospital.

“All of sudden all these thumbless white people showed up spurting blood all over the place.” Nurse Socket, a thirty-three year veteran of the emergency room, nodded in agreement. “We just wrapped their hands and kept at it until we were using bed sheets.” Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Evil Again Seeps Into Our Lives! (Not the IRS This Time Either)


Ding dong the witch is back! Blown in by a rouge wind from the north, the bitch whom I literally can’t stand returns.

Even my hopes that the wretched bowel movement of life Roger Ailes would not have any future intent of letting that fact drowning ignorant bitch back on tv have been doused.

The evil talking head spewing nothing but half facts and conjecture returns to continue to fill the empty heads of the brain dead with her distorted and self serving version of history and events. Read the full story

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, PoliticsComments (2)

More Americans Turning to Glenn Beck for the Truth


You may already know that Glenn Beck is handsome, charming and extremely intelligent, but did you know he also is the leading voice for many of America’s most lost and forgetten?

When the liberal media elite railroaded FOX News to take his wildly popular, amazingly informative show off the air, it had just begin to blossom. Well that show is still around, and countless Americans are still watching it. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, TelevisionComments (5)

Letter to the editor: CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN are Democrat Networks


The following letter is in response to a story dated October, 21st of last year entitled Shepard Smith to Leave FOX News Over Harassment?. This mad gem comes to us from “Tim Pitchfork” from blah blah whatever.

Tim Pitchford (Carmel, IN) wrote:
Mike Kelly calls Fox the Republican :National ne work, does that mean that CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN are Democrat national networks?

Read the full story

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Posted in Internets TubesComments (8)

Government Admits Glenn Beck is Classified Experiment Gone Awry


UNSPECIFIED LOCATION–A rogue agent of a super classified top secret branch of the government (that some say was involved in the Roswell findings of ’47) has spoken with Iron E-News via pigeon and confirmed that American political commentator Glenn Beck was actually a highly classified government experiment gone awry. Read the full story

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Posted in Strange People, TelevisionComments (1)

Piers Morgan Admits: “I’m Pretty Much a Wanker”


After months of struggle with public pressure in the United States and Great Britain, Piers Morgan has come out to confess that he is a wanker.

The admission came in a tearful interview with Oprah Winfrey, where the Limey Leprechaun discussed his deep thoughts on life as an international celebrity, including tips on how to overcome emotional distress. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, EntertainmentComments (4)

Shepard Smith to Leave FOX News Over Harassment?


Shepard Smith, long time Fox News Anchor and deeply closeted homosexual, announced today that he will be leaving the Republican broadcasting network at the end of his current contract.

Sometimes considered the only voice of reason on the network, his departure will further sully the image of America’s leading satire television news channel, leaving only The 700 Club to fill the comedy void.

RIGHT: Shep Smith sounds off with a quote from a know-nothing about which he knows nothing, as if it means something, which it didn’t and doesn’t. (CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Posted in TelevisionComments (25)

Fox News to Add Laugh Track


NEW YORK CITY, NY – The Fox News Network has announced plans to include a laughter track in its daily broadcasts in an effort to aid viewers, who have reportedly struggled to decipher between the show’s serious and humorous segments.

Fox News, a key endeavor of the Rupert Murdoch media enterprise, has aired daily since 1996, and is famous for presenting its “surreal and often hilarious” news agenda in a stylized deadpan manner. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (5)

Rupert Murdoch Will NOT Visit An Ashram


A spokesperson for Rupert Murdoch was asked yesterday for Mr. Murdock’s response to Paul Ryan as candidate for GOP vice-president, and received the reply, “Right! Absolutely right!” Murdoch apparently credits Ryan for saving a tottering Romney, tweeting “Thank God!” in his enthusiasm to support a “real election.”

However, in-depth sources have indicated there is no truth Mr. Murdoch is now wearing a dress with no underwear in preparation for a forthcoming stay at an ashram in India, where he plans to devote himself to the highest chakras for spiritual union and energy. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (2)

Train Obliterates Texting Driver; Darwin Unsurprised


Paranormal investigators have recently reported unprecedented EMF activity, with some saying it’s like Stephen King got struck by lightning. Those off the dial readings are attributed to a curious event in the life of Theresa Caputo, star of TLC’s “Long Island Medium.” Apparently, two departed entities have chosen Ms. Caputo as spokesperson for their heated argument. Read the full story

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, TelevisionComments (0)

Media Hosts Fear Hyperbole Has Desensitized Viewers and Destroyed Credibility


MediaWatch has concluded a study asking cable news media hosts to rate their performance in reporting on the debt ceiling talks in Washington.

A whopping 67% of MSNBC hosts believe they have pushed the envelope too far and are fearful that once the debt ceiling crisis has fully wound down, without having inflicted the kind of pain predicted, they will all be seen as Chicken Littles.

In fact, Rachel Maddow is so mad at herself, she’s not been able to step in front of the camera this week at all except to make more dam commercials for MSNBC. Read the full story

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Posted in Television, Top StoriesComments (0)

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