Posted on 10 May 2015.
Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Asked to make a public statement about this unexpected change, God refused at first to answer reporters’ questions. Read the full story
Posted in Internets Tubes, Religionism
Posted on 05 December 2014.
Normally it’s the Democratic Party that is accused of Warring-Against-Christianity™ and Driving-God-Out-Of-The-Schools™.
But now the conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has jumped on the Pinko-Liberal-Secular-Darwinianist-Homosexual-Bandwagon:
I mean, people are talking about all these superstitious and fanatical texts… that Quran book, Dianetics, Das Kapital, the Miley Cyrus autobiography… Read the full story
Posted in Religionism, Television
Posted on 28 November 2014.
In a recent interview with Glossy News, media tycoon Rupert Murdoch confessed a bit of an inside joke that has kept him smiling to himself for over 18 years – The FOX News he initially envisioned was a 24-hour news parody satirizing America’s increasingly reactionary right-wing.
“I was originally going to call it the ‘Wrong Side of History Channel’, but I feared that would give away the joke,” Murdoch chuckled. Read the full story
Posted in Politics
Posted on 15 August 2014.
Obama has issued an executive order to block salaries to Republican Congressmen. They responded by saying “They would impeach his black ass”.
Democratic Congressmen have hailed this as the best step Obama has taken so far. This said, Republican Congressmen ended up better off than they were. Read the full story
Posted in Politics
Posted on 29 July 2014.
Megyn Kelly, anchor of some white guy’s network, is still being pursued by liberals and stuff, claiming that her blatant and sour opinions that put people to shame were morally wrong and shouldn’t be on a comedy network such as FOX news. Read the full story
Posted in Politics, Television
Posted on 13 May 2014.
A new study done by the Political Association of Immigration Soldiers and American Students reveals the Mexican Cartel, the same people that love to molest its house rats (no, not their children), to be having mass intercourse with one another. Read the full story
Posted in Health, World News
Posted on 13 March 2014.
Fox News contributor Judge Andrew Napolitano appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart this week to strut his contrarian cred and ruffle some feathers. Problem is, he was just… plain… wrong.
It was great of him to appear on The Daily Show. It really humanized him in ways painfully few of the one-dimensional Fox News caricatures ever bother to. Read the full story
Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics
Posted on 13 January 2014.
There are many factors within the fray,
that have turned our Presidents hair to grey.
Pundits, done-thats and patriots galore
seek to sabotage him evermore…
These are the things that have turned our fearless leader’s head from black to grey in only five short years:
15 – Having Military Generals whisper to him that ‘they would do a Kennedy’ on him if he so much as tried to close Guantanamo Bay. Read the full story
Posted in Politics
Posted on 17 December 2013.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Americans have been left in shock after President Obama issued a statement characterizing Nat King Cole’s famous “Christmas Song” as homophobic.
In a press conference held late on Friday, Obama explained that his uneasiness with the classic tune stems from the following verse:
They know that Santa’s on his way
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh,
And ev’ry mother’s child is gonna spy, Read the full story
Posted in Music, Politics
Posted on 08 December 2013.
Phoenix, AZ- He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. Now he hears who you are talking to so be good for goodness sake.
The “Jolly Old Man,” otherwise known as Kris Kringle has been appointed to the coveted Director of the National Security Agency replacing Keith Alexander.
This new partnership between Washington and the North Pole will help both parties as this gives Santa new tools to add people to his naughty list. Read the full story
Posted in Politics
Posted on 23 October 2013.
Hospitals and 911 phone banks were overwhelmed Saturday night when 16% of the nation lost its thumbs. “It was mass chaos,” said Doctor Anne Fulbright at Dallas General Hospital.
“All of sudden all these thumbless white people showed up spurting blood all over the place.” Nurse Socket, a thirty-three year veteran of the emergency room, nodded in agreement. “We just wrapped their hands and kept at it until we were using bed sheets.” Read the full story
Posted in Politics
Posted on 15 June 2013.
Ding dong the witch is back! Blown in by a rouge wind from the north, the bitch whom I literally can’t stand returns.
Even my hopes that the wretched bowel movement of life Roger Ailes would not have any future intent of letting that fact drowning ignorant bitch back on tv have been doused.
The evil talking head spewing nothing but half facts and conjecture returns to continue to fill the empty heads of the brain dead with her distorted and self serving version of history and events. Read the full story
Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Politics
Posted on 01 April 2013.
You may already know that Glenn Beck is handsome, charming and extremely intelligent, but did you know he also is the leading voice for many of America’s most lost and forgetten?
When the liberal media elite railroaded FOX News to take his wildly popular, amazingly informative show off the air, it had just begin to blossom. Well that show is still around, and countless Americans are still watching it. Read the full story
Posted in Internets Tubes, Television
Posted on 08 March 2013.
The following letter is in response to a story dated October, 21st of last year entitled Shepard Smith to Leave FOX News Over Harassment?. This mad gem comes to us from “Tim Pitchfork” from blah blah whatever.
Tim Pitchford (Carmel, IN) wrote:
Mike Kelly calls Fox the Republican :National ne work, does that mean that CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN are Democrat national networks?
Read the full story
Posted in Internets Tubes
Posted on 11 February 2013.
UNSPECIFIED LOCATION–A rogue agent of a super classified top secret branch of the government (that some say was involved in the Roswell findings of ’47) has spoken with Iron E-News via pigeon and confirmed that American political commentator Glenn Beck was actually a highly classified government experiment gone awry. Read the full story
Posted in Strange People, Television
Posted on 05 February 2013.
After months of struggle with public pressure in the United States and Great Britain, Piers Morgan has come out to confess that he is a wanker.
The admission came in a tearful interview with Oprah Winfrey, where the Limey Leprechaun discussed his deep thoughts on life as an international celebrity, including tips on how to overcome emotional distress. Read the full story
Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment